T O P
unexBot

**OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:** >!He cooked the pigeon on a hair straightener!< ***** **Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?** **Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.** ***** [*Look at my source code on Github*](https://github.com/Artraxon/unexBot) [*What is this for?*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/dnuaju/introducing_unexbot_a_new_bot_to_improve_the/)


jihadi_abdul

Man's lived in jail


RockosMyLover

My first thought too.


zerolimits0

He didn't show the toilet bowl hunch punch.


RockosMyLover

He’s just demonstrating the engineering skills that anybody with too much time on their hands seem to develop.


sm12511

Dick muppets are a penitentiary favorite.


RockosMyLover

What the fuck? How come I wasn’t informed of dick muppets when I was locked up <:(


w0t3rdog

Were you, per chance, busy being a dick sack?


revvyphennex

Perchance


ploonk

You can't just say "perchance"


chadnessthehighness

Mayhaps


ReiceMcK

We think of Mario as a hero, but in reality is a one-percenter of a more privileged variety. The lifekind. Perchance.


BetaMan141

This how you get mad >:(


Duvo

Dick Muppets?


calxcalyx

No thanks, I'm full.


NerveAdmirable

The keetle cooking thing is a common in a jail.


Plastic-Ad9023

Dare I ask what a toilet bowl hunch punch is? It sounds like a fighting move like a filipino prison rush


Mavobuckz

That’s old school shit they done upgraded it’s in mop buckets now


Roach_Coach_Bangbus

You have to be a true alcoholic or degenerate to drink that stuff.


khaingo

I need a shirt like that for my park walks.


NinjaCuntPunt

I feed the pigeons, I sometimes feed the sparrows too. It gives me a sense of enormous wellbeing.


sporkmurderer135

That under shirt alone tells me that


tommangan7

The Stella wifebeater


bongzillaaaah

I’m living in a caravan and I’m learning a lot from these jail-folks.


Detroitasfuck

Definitely made a few cookups in his day. I know people thatve made orange chicken, pad Thai and cakes in jail


Thedongrego

Hahaha


[deleted]

“Haha. Birds don’t have to worry about inflatiOH GOD”


DigNitty

I too thought he was helping out the economy stricken birds with a free lunch. Turns out, there’s no such thing.


EvilPotatoKing

> birds > > no such thing. a fellow enlightened one


bestjakeisbest

Birds are drones.


Justthisguy_yaknow

Tasty drones. Just be careful you don't swallow the camera.


yooslis

But that's how you get the free colonoscopy.


darewin

r/BirdsArentReal


HertzDonut1001

The other birds got a free lunch if you don't count the existential horror of watching your bird friend get kidnapped.


BarryKobama

It the product (feed) seems free… you are the product.


systems11

Oh god your comment was the first good laugh I’ve had this week. If I weren’t poor I would reward you but hopefully a Good Samaritan redditor comes along because sweet lord I did laugh


[deleted]

The laugh was enough. Happy I helped. ![gif](giphy|dykJfX4dbM0Vy)


Lorenzo_BR

To be fair, pigeons have been breed by humanity to be so fat they actually have red meat on them. Them’s good eatin’. Somehow they’re also absurdly fast birds, especially for their size. And they were cliff dwellers, which just means our cities are pretty much their natural habitats.


BernieDharma

Is this what American's call "City Chicken"?? I've seen it on menus when I was traveling through the colonies, but never ordered it as it sounded revolting.


Unsure_Fry

*when I was traveling through the colonies* I can assure you that some things have changed since 1788.


ForgettableUsername

But, alas, precious little has. When last I went a-wandering along the extreme western frontier of these colonies, I found that very little of substance had changed since my previous visit in the 1780s. Oh, sure, the edge of this frontier has moved from what were then called the Indiana and Ohio territories all the way to the Pacific shore of the American continent… yet, I found that my visit to California a few years ago had much in common with my stay in Ohio back in 1788. I wintered in a strange frontier town called Los Angeles. I fell in with a group of French trappers. We consulted an Indian guide in Pasadena before proceeding North along an ancient hunting trail known to the locals as “The Five.” My compatriots shot a bear just outside of Bakersfield and we subsisted on salted bacon and smoked salmon. Our wagon broke down before we got to Oakland and the expedition had to be canceled, but all-in-all, it was very much like 1788, very much like Ohio.


SixStringerSoldier

You better be fucking British, buddy.


MyIQis49

I didn’t like that


PapaPKr

My sister ain't gonna like it either when I send it to her


AGreenJacket

Why did this make me laugh so much


KMark0000

because you are both pos and this is why I like you all


Suspicious-Tax-1387

Had me in the first half


akillaninja

Saaaame! 😂😂


iHaveACatDog

Can I also send it to her?


biguptocontinue

How do you send vids from Reddit?


SangEtVin

Just share the link. Whether the video player works or not when they receive that link however is based on pure luck.


Revolutionary_Hat187

You can also save the video to your device and then send it so they don't have to deal with a link


upboatsnhoes

It was a quail he ate. He got it at a store. Not the pigeon.


24-Hour-Hate

Yeah. I figured because he didn’t show the most important things - how the fuck do you catch a bird that is that fast? And, I mean, the feathers and shit.


[deleted]

Wait until you learn people do this to cats and dogs when hungry.


Bolawan

Where do they find such a big pringles tube?


nanaki989

The diameter of Pringle cans is way too small Two radiuses of a Pringle can is way too small If you feel me, put your hands up, come on! If you feel me, put your hands up Look at all these hands that are way too big to fit inside a Pringle can Your hands are too big to fit inside of Pringle cans Your hands are too big to fit inside a Pringle can You think you can, I know you can't, you think you can


PaperRoc

I can't just read this and not go back and watch that legendary finale. *I hope you're happy*


MuthaPlucka

King of the Hobos


jonyb2

Hobo Lord


ineedfootballmoney

Leader of bums


icArTIne

That guy looks exactly like the kinda guy who would do exactly what he did. Somehow the Stella is exceptionally fitting.


Justthisguy_yaknow

And so do you. You just don't realize it yet. Our time is coming.


-erisx

Lord Squatteth


[deleted]

[удалено]


DanFuckingSchneider

I hate that I laughed at this.


KrombopulosNickel

I'm praying that's a quail. But it really does look like pigeon to me. Pigeon was imported to the US a long time ago for an easily accessible food source. I have eaten a wild pigeon (squab) many times. Excellent. But I would never, and I repeat NEVER eat a city pigeon. Fleas and lice make them parasitic and inedible.


sawczy513

Looked like a Cornish hen. Meat was too white to be squab.


KrombopulosNickel

It's too small. Cornish hens also have way bigger breasts. And have absolutely no wing. Those wings are pigeon wings. I was joking about quail. They are dark dark meat and very small. Mostly just a dove breast and a teeny leg. Not much else. He definitely got his hands on a squab. I'm praying it was store or farm bought


Justthisguy_yaknow

The lice and flea bit is actually a common urban myth. Pigeons are just fine when you hit the wall, city or country. Not so sure I would go for the ones you see from time to time that are filthy from going under cars though. They aren't any more infested than any other bird. Pigeons get a bad rap because the have the indecency to refuse to be scared of us. Same with gulls. There is the issue that they live on our waste though but then so do we more than we realize. Again, I wouldn't for pleasure but when things really hit the fan and there is little choice being realistic will be advantageous. Trouble will be that there will be a lot of competition though.


ToSmushAMockingbird

I owned pigeons. Even in clean invironments they do get lice and it is very common. They also can have any number of bacterial infections which is what I'd be more concerned about that the lice. The birds that are in the wild are also extremely likely to spread infections to treated domesticated birds if they get tinto your loft because they ALWAYS have something. That being said, once they are cleaned and cooked you're probably fine. Idk. Eating street birds is sketchy as fuck and this guy is cooking with a curling iron in a Pringle can.


OnlyPainNoFans

>Eating street birds is sketchy as fuck and this guy is cooking with a curling iron in a Pringle can dude fr, wtf. 💀


Gutyenkhuk

Idk I read somewhere that those birds on the ground and are slow/easy to catch are riddled with diseases. Pretty sure he got a store-bought bird though 🤞


Axthen

I’d like to just add wild boar and pig have probably twice if not more the viral load of bacteria and viruses in them than a pigeon. Source; my butcher friend who never touches pork because of the aforementioned disgustingness of them.


nate1212

I agree with the sentiment, but doubt that it’s fleas and lice that would make them not good to eat. Probably more along the lines of bioaccumulated toxins from city pollution.


salallane

And intestinal parasites.


Sateloco

So how did you trap it?


raydditor

with hand


emiya002

Put bread on my penis.


outYeTan

With a shotgun !


Seaweed_Steve

You can buy wild pigeon, or a wood pigeon here in the UK, I doubt he would actually eat a feral pigeon.


Most-Analyst-5878

That's what I was thinking. What does it do to you?


Tommy-Styxx

Gave me crabs twice, mercury poison the third time.


RelevantCommenter

Gotta stop fuckin them pigeons, man. Those filthy beggars go port to port.


Johanno1

It wasn't a pigeon because there's much too much meat on it. Birds in the wild are usually most bones and intestines. And some flesh on the bones.


Y_Brennan

Also pegion meat is red not white


AtomicFox84

I thought cornish hen. Pigeon would be dumb to eat off streets anyway. Same with city squirrels....they could be infested with anything.


OrthoBrotein

Desperate times


Imaginary-Glass3009

...call for desperate measures.


DadPunsAreBadPuns

...fall to disparate pleasures.


Todd_Renard_Fox

Now now. We don't wanna go to that route yet


MugillacuttyHOF37

Careless Whispers then?


[deleted]

There's people are there eating rats; so why not flying rats too?


Kr3utsritt3r

Bats?


[deleted]

Columba livia domestica.


memegod25

He’s got the idea, I’ll give him that much.


B0Nnaaayy

Agreed. Not my jam but now I’ve seen it, and now I know. Juuuuust in case shit goes down.


Noname_FTW

I actually wonder whether or not you can eat street pidgeons now. These fuckers are a blight on every major city. If we'd hunt them it would certainly teach them a lesson to stay the fuck away.


mootallica

They're vermin, cooked or not you don't want to be digesting any part of them


Itzbubblezduh

But people eat shrimp so…..


RealWildWizard

Definitely not true. Pigeons were introduced to America as a source of food. They’re eaten in a lot of different countries. Many high end restaurants serve it. It’s called squab on a menu


Designer-Departure87

*fleshlight cooking*


Pizzaboy90

Extra protein


WhiteClawParadise

Nasty


Thumbtacfortress

Nah, pigeon is actually good. It also has an all-year hunting season.


LowHI_

Are you out of your gourd, my son? Pigeon is the trash dumpster of the sky. Absolutely shiite meat.


Sharp-Chard4613

Wood pigeon is nice. These street pigeons naa


Thumbtacfortress

Yeah, I actually agree with you, but dove and English house sparrows are better.


KittehSkittles

I always thought doves and pigeons are the same thing, just different colors and size


Swissai

I always though lions and pigeons were the same thing, just different colours and sizes


KittehSkittles

I googled and they are the same thing but just different size and colors. I know it sounded like I was talking out of my ass and just comparing birds. Someone told me that when they gave me a dove so I was on the fence if it was true or not.


HertzDonut1001

Sure you can identify birds but I bet you don't know shit about bird law.


Swissai

You think you know about birds? Name every bird.


NVAreaMan

Chickens. Turkeys. Big Bird. The bird.


Bisping

Thats Fred. Other there is Billy and Marco. Haven't seen Jan in a while. The next one we see is Tommy.


RansomReville

I'm well versed in bird law, now let's say you and I go toe-to-toe on bird law and see who comes out the victim.


MSD3D

Same family of birds, doves are a bit smaller, pigeons a bit bigger. You are correct in your assumption.


EuphoricAnalCucumber

There are many species of dove, the pigeon is called a rock dove (or more accurately the other way around). I wouldn't eat one from the city but it in the forest, totally. That carcass looks a lot bigger than any dove though, they do not have much meat. It's likely a quail or grouse maybe.


illnemesis

Squab. Absolute squab.


WizdomHaggis

Glad I live in the bush and can just bootfuck a partridge into the oven…tasty bird…


Komlz

>Are you out of your gourd, my son? This will now be my go-to saying to express disbelief in someone else


Mfgcasa

Lobster is the trash dumpster of the sea.


silver-shoes

Ernest Hemingway ate the London Hyde Park pigeons when he was a young struggling writer .


imbalancedMortician

Well damn if its good enough for Ernest Hemingway its good enough for me. I’ll skip the curling iron and go for a stove or fire though.


[deleted]

Pigeon is good. City pigeons aren’t. This dude eating city pigeons 🤢


bake_in_da_south

visit my country and I will feed u roasted quail and pigeon porridge. They are actually good


[deleted]

In your country those pigeons are probably grain fed and not given anything harmful. In our country pigeons eat toxic trash and a bunch of other nasty shit making them poisonous


bake_in_da_south

Yeah, we have pigeon farms here and you can raise them at home too.


HertzDonut1001

You can raise them in America too, Mike Tyson famously did. An eccentric New Yorker raising carrier pigeons on a rooftop is a trope in American media.


PunkOverLord

Always hated that John Wick had that trope thrown in just because


Corn-Mcbean

I guess you could say it’s fowl


GT22_

More like hungry filled


Alone_Bill_2873

You know, in Venezuela, a couple of years back, zebra was stolen from zoo for meet


will_ww

A meet and greet for a zebra? Shut up and take my money!


Alone_Bill_2873

Meat. Fucking autocorrect.


Potato-with-guns

A real legend, comments on the comment instead of editing it.


ashfromcan

This is the most ratchet thing I've ever seen


br0kn9lass

That's so sad, you should really go and see your mother then, she misses you.


GratefulPig

After the third divorce he was like there’s gotta be a better way. I think he’s done it, boys.


HertzDonut1001

You just stop caring after a certain point.


YallSoftAsButter

Maybe cut back on the Stella. Isn’t it like 14 for a 6 pack? Some expensive beer for cheap dinner.


AngusVanhookHinson

Are you fucking kidding me? [Squab](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Squab#:~:text=In%20culinary%20terminology%2C%20squab%20is,%22loose%2C%20fat%20flesh%22.) is a fucking delicacy. Man is literally eating like royalty. Stella is a fine accompaniment.


CackleberryOmelettes

> Man is literally eating like royalty *Me, watching man cook a suspicious bird skewered on a hair-dryer inside an empty Pringles can, visibly confused*


Mental-Kitten

Hey now, he didn't say *what* royalty


CackleberryOmelettes

Perhaps I was too quick to judge. I suppose I could see this being standard practise among Raccoon Royalty.


AngusVanhookHinson

The cooking method is perfectly valid, assuming everything is clean. Consider: that curling iron will heat to almost boiling, and squab only has to be medium rare, medium *at most.* That's what, 145°F internal, I believe. Further, it cooks fast, and won't fry off all the juices and flavor. Then he puts it in a Pringles can, with aluminum foil on the inside. That keeps the hot side hot and the cool side cool. It also keeps the juices contained. The only real downside is that since it's reflecting heat back to the inside, you take a chance on the bird being overcooked. And you'll notice that it's rather overdone as he eats. Hell, the only thing keeping this from being a professional setup is a little bit of dress up. If someone were to make a cooking implement like this just a little bit more trimmed out, Ron Popeil would rise from the grave and sell it on late night tv for $49.99.


kelvin_bot

145°F is equivalent to 62°C, which is 335K. --- ^(I'm a bot that converts temperature between two units humans can understand, then convert it to Kelvin for bots and physicists to understand)


carbondatedlove

It’s one of those culture gaps you hear about.


VintageShrill

Where are you buying your beer for it to cost that much bro lol


YallSoftAsButter

.


Sharp-Chard4613

This guys in Europe probably pretty cheap


VintageShrill

Yeah lol I can get 10 cans for £10, I’m probably just very sheltered and didn’t realise it costs a lot more in the states


granadesnhorseshoes

Shits called "wifebeater" in the UK. This dude represents the average stella drinker.


reusens

[Behold](https://shop.prikentikzele.be/?product=stella-artois-regular-24x25cl), in Belgium you can get 6 liter of stella for €15.11 minus €4.50 euro you get back when returning the crate and glass bottles. That's $11.57 (VAT included) But because this guy lives in Scotland:[4.4 liter of stella](https://www.sparscotland.co.uk/product/beer-prem-lagers/stella-artois-belgium-premium-lager-beer-cans-10-x-440ml/693008A) for £11.79, which is $12.86 In Europe, stella is not some expensive premium beer, in the UK it is associated with [the lower class and domestic violence](https://www.independent.co.uk/tech/lobbying-company-tried-to-wipe-out-wife-beater-beer-references-6284622.html)


bannedbandito

6£ for 6 last I was in UK but that was at least a decade ago.


isthisanonamyous

This is some Charlie and frank shit


Positive_Cricket4291

![gif](giphy|H1k1BgS82Uggy27ngb|downsized)


rajabae

But that fishnet tho


Ok_Resolution_2401

It boutta make me act up


Prize-Ad4297

Honestly this is the closest I’ve seen a guy get to “pulling off” a mesh tank top.


uhmyeah2

This makes me laugh so hard idk y


Erixsenn

It was funny that's why


crandus_jombson

that penetration was unexpected but titillating nonetheless


NoAntelopes

This man fucks.


br0kn9lass

. . .Stray dogs


Professional_Pipe191

Damn Boris Johnson being a sigma male


Most-Analyst-5878

How do we all know exactly how to use that word despite noone actually knowing what it means?


Professional_Pipe191

Lol


ladybasecamp

That's not a hair straightener, it's a hair curler. With a hair straightener, he could have cooked the pigeon George Foreman -grill style


br0kn9lass

TIL my heated dildo can also curl my hair!


[deleted]

Pigeon meat is darker than this. That is quail.


Space_Wombat11

I’m surprised he didn’t choke on the computer chip


Missesoutdaroad

I think the camera wires from the head haul it out.


Urborg_Stalker

Alternatively you could capture some female pigeons and eat the eggs they lay. Big brain long term solutions ftw.


Dsctemp

That guy looks exactly like the kinda guy who would do exactly what he did. Somehow the Stella is exceptionally fitting.


Most-Analyst-5878

This made me laugh so much idkw


faylorican

what's that prison cooking?


Missmanent

The mesh shirt is a nice touch.


0o_BonnieMcMurray_o0

I felt that this whole video was just aggressively Slavic. That includes the mesh shirt.


kid4rmcali530

If you’ve seen my posts you’ll se why my reaction to this is … 😳


Erixsenn

Lol


matty_low

Why do I feel that this guy is a Brit?


mexafroman1

It look likes Britain prime minister


Most-Analyst-5878

It is


OldBloodNewBlood

£2 B&M bowl couldve been a giveaway


No_Construction1402

Ayo what??


420Cyruss

That man is okay in my book


pimp_juice2272

Urban Bear Grylls


Acrobatic_Wall2289

I remember watching a mr bean ep in which he and his gf didn’t have anything to eat so they captured a pigeon and ate it


ToastyRibs

u/savevideo


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huBelial

Let’s talk about his outfit


Moodi88

He felt cool in the 80s and stayed there


Snoo68253

did he actually?


Bl00dy_Banana

how'd he catch it?


whiskeylovesme

Free range poultry as it gets


[deleted]

If my guy was American, he would be from South Carolina.