OP, [this link](https://www.samhsa.gov/childrens-awareness-day/resources-suicide-prevention) has resources for those considering suicide. Please reach out to one of these resources.
Please don’t go through with what you’re thinking of. there are many things to help these kind of issues.
I have the same ‘talking over everyone’ issue with my partner and it can really annoy/upset him as he feels i don’t care about what he has to say, im not listening, or i think i’m more important. I try to let him understand that it’s usually because my brain is working really fast, and if i have something to say connect to the convo, i find it hard not to blurt out. I worry i will forget what i am thinking so want to say it immediately.
Something i am doing to overcome this, is putting a ‘pin’ in it. I physically stick my finger out when i have a point to make. This shows him that i have something to add, and also helps me remember what it was, because i am physically holding my finger there to remember. He can also better remember what it was i put the Pin in, so it’s easier to find my way back to it.
Being loud isn’t a bad thing, just as being quiet isn’t a bad thing either. You will come across and find people who love these traits in you, you might not have found them yet which sucks, but you will. Don’t end things before you have the chance to.
It can be hard to the adhd brain but maybe try meditation. I find it hard because my brain gets very busy so i usually try and have something on like calming music, i like lo-fi as it isn’t boring but isn’t distracting because there are no lyrics. Long journeys are a good time for me to sit and have an empty head too.
As for the complaining , i get that this can be frustrating to others. Maybe try complaining to yourself in your head. even doing something really begrudgingly can fill the urge to complain whilst not making it someone else’s problem.
You don’t need to be passive or quiet to be bearable and even trying slightly will be appreciated by those around you if they care about you
Sorry for typos i’m speed writing on a work break x
I do the finger reminder too! Put my finger(s) out as I think of things I want to say (bonus: helps me keep track of multiple things), or raise my hand so people know I want to say something but am trying not to interrupt.
I appreciate your advice but I don’t want to add input on things anymore. I really just want these last few months to be quiet. I want to be quiet.
I felt like this until I went to therapy. Turns out I'm just REALLY mean to myself because my upbringing shaped my inner voice. Turns out (other than talking over people because I get excited) I'm actually NOT the horrible person I convinced myself I was.
Please stay here and invest in yourself. If you're worried about working on yourself, you're probably not actually all that bad. 💜
Intrusive thoughts and cruel inner voices are so hard to deal with.
I’ve done the whole therapy thing and it didn’t work for me. I’m not a good person and this is something I need to do.
Some therapists are really bad at their jobs. Another one, especially one who specializes in ADHD, might help.
It is a great leap to go from "selfish" to not a good person.
I have known some people who are generally selfish as in putting their own needs always before others, but I don't consider them bad people, and in fact, they may still have other positive qualities I enjoy.
A guy I used to work with was sometimes thought of negatively because he liked to brag, which hurt me not at all to listen to now and then. On the other hand, he would wipe the snow off my car windows without any expectations from me just to be a nice guy. He is a good person despite his ego :)
How are you "not a good person," setting "selfishness" aside?
I’ve done a lot of bad things, I’ve hurt a lot of good people, I’ve hurt my family, I’ve destroyed friendships and let others slowly die. I’m addicted to a number of things, I hurt everyone around me all of the time without even realizing it.
Yeah, addiction is likely more to blame than ADHD, but then ADHD can lead us to be addicted to things so it is kind of a vicious circle.
I guess making sure you are on correct medication for your ADHD and not mixing it with other things may help.
There may be ways to make up for what you feel you did wrong, if not to the people you did them to, then others in need of help. Volunteer work and such.
There are ways... but I am not a therapist nor an addiction specialist, just some goofball on the internet.
Take that first step onto a better path and maybe better things will follow. I wish you well.
Do you think you’re selfish or someone gave you this label ?
Hey so I think one thing you might wanna do is look into r/CPTSD and see if maybe learning about how trauma during childhood, especially neglect and criticism, creates behavior patterns like what you're describing. I think you'll find that you're not irreparably broken, but actually your brain is probably injured from early mistreatment/neglect/criticism/abuse. Cool thing is, once you see the patterns you can do a lot to manage them. I highly recommend looking into it. It will help you become less of a "nuisance". That said, maybe you need some more people around you who understand ADHD, and who don't make you feel like shit over the way your brain works naturally. You're not a nuisance, you're a human being.
Well if you plan on not being selfish, it sounds like you might like to live, just to see how that plays out. I think you know that deep down, your being selfish is a you thing, it's not an other people thing. And what do you think kys is gonna do... It's just gonna hurt the folks who care about you and let the haters win. And fuck that ENTIRELY. 👹
I feel all of these things. I get angry at people I love and lash out when they are doing things that aren’t in my comfort zone. I become a raging bitch when I am overstimulated. I feel lazy and resentful when I am asked to do things while I’m in the middle of other things. I often prioritize my own physical and emotional comfort over being there for people who need me.
My entire life, I grew up surrounded by a family who labeled me as all of these things. They framed me as a bitch, lazy, temperamental, etc.
As I grew up, I found people who understood me and loved me for who I really am, under all my stress responses. People who gasped when I first casually mentioned how my family addresses me as a bitch most of the time. They made me realize that being strictly labeled as that for my whole life from childhood without offering me resources to work out my stress reactions was not fair to me. People who know I can get absolutely crazy, but they also know and understand what drives me to react that way. They give me a reason to work on learning about dealing with overstimulation and stress triggers and work through my emotions in a healthy way. They help me get past those moments and waves of big feelings because they are kind, patient, and caring people who love me for who I am.
- My biological family dislikes the things about my personality that are the result of environmental stress triggers, and that’s all they see about me. That is just who I am to them. Angry and mean.
- My CHOSEN family sees those things and still chooses to admire the side of me that would literally kill for them and catch charges if somebody hurt them. They believe in my ability to work on myself, which in turn, helps me believe in myself enough to truly take a beat and remove myself from situations where my attitude may hurt people.
I choose to spend most of my time around the latter, and it helps me remember who I am inside is not simply a reflection of my stress responses. I hope you can keep searching because you will find people who love you like this one day too, but only if you stick around long enough to find them, my friend. Good luck on your journey. I believe in you.
Since you didn't want any comments about your plans I'll just keep this part short: I have lost several friends and family members because they convinced themselves that the world would be a better place without them and that shit HURTS. So if you can find anyone/anything (doesn't have to be a person, it could be a pet, something you look forward too etc) to try and improve for, please try.
So back to what you were actually asking for... You sound like my friend (we both have adhd), and I love the fact that we interrupt eachother. I think you'd feel better about your communication style if you talked to someone who speaks the same way. Idk how often you "complain" about having to do things, but if you want to sound more positive it is literally just practice. You're going to forget and fail a looot of times, but if you try to switch out "I hate vacuuming" with "I am so glad I had the spare energy to clean my floors today" enough times, you might be able to break the habit.
And lastly: a lot of loud people are funny as hell! Idk how old you are, but if you look at comedians, content creators and people like that around the same age as you, you might be able to appreciate that about yourself! If you hang around a lot of people who talk negatively about you for taking up space, you might want to reconsider your relationships. I am a rather soft spoken person, but I LOVE my loud friends! Even if they are funny or not, they always have the guts to say what everyone else was already thinking, but didn't dare to say.
I don't know if any of this helps, I just wanted to see if I could help you get an outsiders perspective on things. You are not selfish for having adhd symptoms, especially not when you're trying to improve.
I imagine a day where you have a small but loving group of folks in your life who don’t see you as loud and annoying but loud and passionate and full of life. And folks who don’t see you as a nuisance but someone who’s wonderful and unique and outgoing and bold. I see a day when you are deeply deeply celebrated for the qualities you’d like to change about yourself. I really see this for you. One day at a time. One hour at a time. One minute at a time. 💜
Mindfulness. It helps with the impulsivity, which I why I think I can’t help myself from expressing my complains or reacting negatively when asked to help. I might still have that initially feeling, but I don’t have to express it. And then DBT therapy or workbooks to help and teach some bad thoughts patterns I have internalized so that I don’t feel so annoyed and ungrateful and irritated by things that I just have to do, because it helps me look at things from different perspectives while also maintaining a healthy distance from knee-jerk reactions.
We deal with a disability that may cause us to exhibit behaviors in order to cope with it that others may find annoying, or even "selfish".
If you were in a wheelchair and needed to use the handicapped entrance would you expect others to yell at you for being selfish and using that entrance? No, because a visual disability like that automatically signals that someone needs extra accommodations.
Your complaining is not always bad because it is letting others know that being made to do things like household tasks is extra hard for us.
It is not our fault that people don't understand us, especially if we have tried to explain. Their refusal to "get it" is on them.
Your brain wants to interrupt because it is trying to cope with being under stimulated.
I have found that writing my thoughts down, or even doodling while someone else talks may help with reducing the times I interrupt. You can carry a little notebook for this purpose.
If you are more of a physical person, there are things like fidget spinners or knitting or anything you can do with your hands to calm yourself... origami, etc.
Narcissists who will call you selfish just for having a basic human need of any kind, including the need to be at peace and be free of being hounded constantly to "pick up after yourself" and "pull your own weight," etc.
One way of both calming yourself and also maybe keeping someone from constantly criticizing you is to go "grey rock." Imagine yourself a rock in a stream as the water flows over it and the leaves pass by.
Lots of info out there to google about these things and better explanations than I have given.
tl/dr: You are worthy of existence. I wish you well.
I wouldn't quiet muffle yourself either, that's the opposite problem lol.
I would recommend thinking about what your needs are, and voicing them (and not trying to argue about why you need them if people don't listen).
You'll find you need to talk back when other people voice their needs, and that you can be direct if they're asking you to do things instead of asking for what they need.
Notice when you start to do it and think about what you were just asked, how you were asked it, that didn't work for you. Why are you labeling yourself selfish? Are you denying people things that you could easily give them, or are you pushing back on being asked to behave a particular way without any requests related to what they want and need (aside from trying to get you to do something specific)
Because you asked, I won’t mention the other thing but it doesn’t mean that I don’t care. And - Im sorry you’re hurting.
But - I have no advice. I just want to let you know that I feel the same way. I made a list the other day of how my ADHD impacts other people and I was like holy shit, I actually AM selfish af even though I think of myself as being incredibly empathetic and giving. I take in so many other ways and do the same things you described.
I just want you to know that you’re not alone in that, and if you want to talk - my inbox is open. I can even just be a place for you to type your rants and complaints if you don’t want to say them lol. Whatever, anything. I can just relate to this.
I think the suggestion of making a habit to turn our complaints into positive things instead sounds like a good idea. I guess I’ll try it.
You sound like a really sweet person, who is so concerned with others ❤️ Too bad more ppl aren’t like that. I am part of a women D&D if you want to join! DM for me for more deets. We are always talking over each other and being loud so you’ll fit right in haha.
I am so confused about your post tho, none of those things sound even remotely selfish? What are you talking about? All those things are just a little impulsive, literally nbd.
You don’t sounds like you are a nuisance at all. Just sounds like you have low self-esteem. You probably think you are annoying others when you aren’t, you just over think every little thing you do, when everyone around you actually doesn’t mind at all.
If those slightly impulsive behavior are bothering YOU, talk to a dr about trying stimulate meds. They are highly effective at controlling impulsiveness.
I know ADHD can be difficult, but you got this! All those things you mentioned are just symptoms of ADHD. Very, very treatable symptoms that don’t make you a terrible person at all.
1. Go to a general practitioner
2. Get evaluated for ADHD and depression
3. Get medicated for ADHD and depression
4. Find out you are actually a pretty cool person who was just overwhelmed with your untreated ADHD
Right this second, go make an appointment with a dr.