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Yourconnect_

There’s nothing I believe you can do except continue to try to convince your mom to take your concerns seriously. As long as you have a guardian it’s up to them to make those decisions for you. In extreme circumstances if you feel you are being neglected you can reach out to social services and you may even have a case for early emancipation. Again that is for extreme cases so you be the judge of that.


stereo_selkie

Depending on where you live you may be able to book your own general doctors appointment. I would assume that protects children and teens from all sorts of things that they don't want their parents to know about, or their parents are a cause of like abuse. That way they can still seek professional care and support. I'm not sure if the Dr would refer you or not. But even having a note in your medical record that says you had to try to seek help independantly may help your case later as you progress through diagnosis. Knowing you are not supported at home will change how they (psychiatrists etc) support you if you are diagnosed. I am sorry this is happening to you. Keep going, it's a horrible reason but your mother may be in denial and pretending it's a phase. Have you tried sharing some reputable information about ADHD with her, like watching videos together? She might have a poor view of What ADHD is and assume you don't have it.


Glittering_Tea5502

I remember going through something similar when I was 16 or 17. I had to have my school counselor intervene because my parents just didn’t get it. They were in denial. Then when we found out what was going on, they regretted not getting me diagnosed sooner. Their poor daughter struggled for too long.


elianna7

I’m pretty sure you can make your own appointment at 14. Just call and say you want to make an appointment and then tell your mom when it is.


TheSaltyAstronaut

If in the US, this depends on which state. Florida, for instance, has a parental consent law that prevents any minor from even seeing a doctor without an official notice of parental consent. It's not the only state with this ridiculous and harmful law on the books, either.


elianna7

That’s so fucked up. Ugh.


robocarrot

I'm not sure where you live or if things have changed - but I made all my own doctors appointments at 14 - have you tried? I made an appointment with my primary care to talk about the possibility about having ADHD around that time - I didn't even tell my mom that's why I made the appointment. He didn't diagnose me and said I needed to make a separate appointment with a psychiatrist for a diagnosis, which I finally did 20 years later (cause, um, ADHD).


dca_user

Are u in the US? If so, call your school and ask to speak to the counselor. Also, call your pediatrician and ask for an appt- virtual or in-person - ask them to help you get privacy and ensure your mom isn’t in the room.


HazelFlame54

Call the doctor and say your mom asked you to call and book for her. Don't tell them what it's about and discuss The ADHD eval when you get there. Trust me, you have all the info needed to make that appointment and it's a great age to start taking charge of your healthcare. Big advice, don't have that conversation at school. With Adderall being so recreational now, your school likely will get the wrong idea. I also want to point out your mom likely isn't ignoring you on purpose. It's possible she is also ADHD and is using the "no problems means no solutions" method. Corner her. Get her in a car where she can't walk away from the conversation. Make it clear that you want her help in this, but that you will also undoubtedly take charge of your healthcare if she is not willing to help. This isn't about getting people to believe you need help. It's about learning to self advocate, especially when there is resistance. You'll need the practice, as adulthood is a self advocacy.


elephantcaviar

I also came here to suggest considering the possibility that your mom might be undiagnosed untreated ADHD and masking hard. In my personal case my mom is and did NOT handle my diagnosis well. Whenever I tried to talk about it with her she'd respond "But everyone deals with that/it's part of being human/not a real problem worth addressing" and then repeat to me the advice people gave her over and over throughout her childhood like "that's just a character flaw/ you need to try harder." For most of her life ADHD was considered an "excuse for lack of discpline" and the symptoms of it were considered shameful, a sign of moral failure. There's many many years of damage there to undo. I stopped taking it personally once I realized she was clearly dealing with her own stuff. When self advocating I recommend describing the root of your issues without using the word ADHD (it's a loaded term for too many people). Let them arrive at the conclusion themselves as much as possible - if they think they figured it out they will be more open to the idea.


HazelFlame54

YES! I went through this in getting an autism diagnosis. A lot of doctors know that you can copypasta symptoms from the internet. Your best bet is to describe the symptom sets as distressing and interfering with normal functioning. Exampe: I can focus really intensely on my art work for hours, but can't stand in front of the sink to do dishes for more than two minutes. It can get really bad for weeks to the point that I have no dishes to cook or eat with. Remember the two keywords in a psychological diagnosis: DISTRESS and DYSFUNCTION. Describe how symptoms A,B,C,D,E cause dysfunction in your life. You're in High school, so homework is a great example. Then describe how that dysfunction causes distress. (I haven't consistently done homework and it makes me anxious that I'll never get into college). Tell them how you FEEL and let them come up with the word ADHD. Kinda like a wife convincing a husband that it was his idea all along.


MapInside5914

Honestly I’d try to find another adult you and your mom trust to confide in and see if all of you can have a talk about it. Parents can be over protective and paranoid about mental health it’s weird but sometimes they just have to hear it from someone else


naura_

Is there someone at school you can talk to? A special education teacher, counselor. They must handle things with parents who don’t want their child tested. If you already have a psych maybe they can reach out. Oops yea it’s summer time. Sorry i didn’t read that part I was one of these kids. I’m sure my 5th grade teacher knew. I’m about 75% sure i got tested. I masked it really well so no one could tell.


PrismaticMito

Hey hey, it could take months to get in so call sooner rather than later. Be sure to ask if they're covered by your insurance. That's the main important thing. Do you by chance have an insurance card bc they might ask for the group number and some other info off of it. You'll also need to know the birth date of the person whose insurance you're on. If you don't know your insurance name or have a card, call your pediatrician office and ask them for referral and help with this, as they will have a copy of your insurance card on file or can at least tell you the name of it and group # and your #. Your insurance benefits are already in place for the calendar year, assuming you're on a parent's employer-provided insurance plan. Due to newer laws that are in place about price transparency, you'll also be able to get info about the co-pay or other fees, but you aren't responsible, your parent would be. That could be an issue up the road -- usually the adult whose insurance you're on would have to sign something saying they're responsible for paying, if the doctor office thinks or knows there would be fees that the insurance won't cover...however, this might be able to go around ... I was 17 when I left for college and on parent's insurance and I never signed it, the docs just billed insurance and then anything went as a bill to parent, and parent can see on insurance plan which fees weren't paid by insurance. (If any ) You may also want to ask a psych office if they have a sliding fee, if you explain your situation, that fees beyond what your insurance covers (if any) wouldn't be feasible to pay in your situation bc parent issue. Your pediatrician group would also be able to guide you to which psych services would have sliding fee or be able to cover your bills in full from insurances coverage alone. I know this is maybe too much info... and there's still more I should maybe explain... but I don't want to waste your time if it's not useful to you or if you already know all this stuff


Artemis234

Depending on where you are located you can book your appointment yourself. If you can't then maybe try going through a youth clinic and getting a referral, it may need parental consent but at least the doctor themself would be initiating it so your family can't ignore it.


Bisterwhip

Could we trouble to tell us what you think your mother's inaction is about? There are a lot of possibilities -- several could be happening in parallel: 1) She doesn't "believe in" ADHD. 2) She has (misplaced) reasons to think you don't have it. ADHD people can focus -- if they are interested. ADHD people can make good grades. She may look at these and not believe. 3) She thinks you seek excuses and she is tired of "your bullshit." 4) She "just doesn't want to deal with it." 5) She doesn't think your family can afford to look into it. 6) She has it and is hostile to the notion that anyone in her family (including herself has it). 7) She is broadly hostile to dealing with mental health issues. And on an on. People here are guessing what it is that motivates it, but we don't really know. I would go with the people who say to work around her, if you can. It looks like there is a law that doesn't allow this in Florida according to one or two people on this thread. Here's what I found googling "Can a 14 year old see a psychiatrist in Florida without parental permission?" This was the first result: **"The Baker Act allows for minors age 13 years and older to access outpatient diagnostic and evaluation services as well as outpatient crisis intervention, therapy, and counseling services without the consent of parent or guardian."** So you see, don't listen to what random strangers on reddit tell you without really seeking specific information. Look, they could still be correct, but google doesn't think so. The person that mentioned the "trigger words" distress and dysfunction is on to something. I would imagine that a psychiatrist hearing those words will feel compelled to take action of some sort -- if only encouraging your mother to take it seriously. I think the school counselor is likely the best route. But you'll have to wait until school starts. Someone also mentioned that it could turn out to be a benefit to seek help no matter what. I can end up as part of the record that is later used to justify your diagnosis. Good luck. If you do see an open path to getting evaluated (even if your mother isn't involved), take it.


Large-Fishstick

I think she is generally just very uncomfortable with discussing mental health. I was diagnosed with ptsd almost two years ago and she’s always right there when it happened yet we never spoke about it, I had a conversation with her and turns out she didn’t even believe I was abused. She has this if we don’t talk about it it’s not happening kind of mentality, and I feel like she’s very insecure about herself and her parenting so she doesn’t like to entertain the idea of something being wrong with the household because it’s a reflection of her ability to parent.


Bisterwhip

Thanks for the reply. I’m in my 50s. I think of everything that could’ve been different in my life had the diagnosis and treatment options been as widespread in my childhood. When my kid showed signs, I moved quickly, but wished I had moved even more quickly to medication. We tried other options aside from medication and I had to bring kid’s mother along - and she was anti-meds at first. Didn’t start really medicating until 9th grade. It’s late from the standpoint of someone getting mastery over their lives in adolescence. Decent appearance 457 has a good suggestion. Maybe you can find a reason to get into your family physician and make the nature of it private enough that you can see the doctor alone to explain the situation. Untreated ADHD is a bad road to travel down. I don’t need to tell you this. But ADHD really easily managed for most people with the right medication. I feel for you. I want it to be as easy as your looking her in the eyes seriously and telling her how much you need help. And having her respond. The bad part is treatment is not bad generally - easy peasy for most. If she could just get over herself. Good luck


YouKnowItsJosh

I wonder if you’re speaking about your ADHD with a “treatment” in mind… Maybe your parents are protecting you from unnecessary medication. There’s a growing trend of people that READ about medical conditions. Literally study them. Then, they go to a doctor and regurgitate everything they’ve read and specifically ask for a medication that they’ve also read about. Not saying you don’t have ADHD. Just saying that some people self-diagnose too much.


OutsideScore990

There's a fine line here. I used to think this is what I was doing, that I was essentially a hypochondriac that convinced herself that she had ADHD... so I avoided talking about it or asking for treatment. I had an ADHD diagnosis that a family member had convinced me was wrong. Years and years later, I'm realizing that I really do have it and getting medicated/accommodated for it has completely turned my life around. Basically try really hard to listen to how you feel. Write it down. Bring that to your doctor. If a symptom list helps you, great, write about how you can relate to it if you can. Tbh if you have ADHD you probably don't have a good baseline understanding of "normal" to compare yourself to - you've only had one ADHD existence to experience. A lot of places will do psychoeducational assessments too, which should really narrow things down.


sveji-

>I wonder if you’re speaking about your ADHD with a “treatment” in mind Isn't this the point of getting a diagnosis? As in, finding out if one has a certain condition and how to deal with it, whether that's through therapy and building habits, or through medication if necessary. Sure, medication is not the answer to everything nor does it work for everyone. But it's ignorant to write off medication completely because it is not necessarily a bad thing.


[deleted]

Not sure why you’d even think this is a helpful comment.


Decent-Appearance457

You sound like an articulate and intelligent young person who is invested in their own well-being. I’d say to book an appointment with your family dr and bring your concerns directly to them. There will be a way for you to be taken seriously. Best of luck.


Playful-Natural-4626

You could try talking to your school guidance counselor. There may be some testing they can do through the school and the school may request your mom having you medically examined for ADHD