T O P

"These are the buttons your war hero great grandaddy took from the people he killed" said Mom as she handed me the battered old tin box.

"These are the buttons your war hero great grandaddy took from the people he killed" said Mom as she handed me the battered old tin box.

DeannaDouglas

Maybe I'm twisted but I found that one far funnier than horrific. Nevertheless, it's well worth an upvote.


HowDoMermaidsFuck

"My pizza was late one too many goddamn times."


claytorENT

30 minutes or you’re **dead**


itsaidusernametaken

*shows up 30 minutes and 1 second later*


1960somethingbatman

So you have chosen death.


Gongaloon

"You're late. I'm not paying for-" ***BANG*** "-those."


happyhugs432

very brave


CubistChameleon

30 minutes or you're free from this mortal coil.


WanderingCollosus

I will be there in a hour


Slight_Accident445

I’ll be there in 2 days I need time to say bye to my family and imaginary friends


malk500

Thats how it actually is in Snowcrash


FelixFaldarius

Is that the book where they all go around with swords? Only read the first few pages so


AngryGutsBoostBeetle

Mi pizza arrived two hours later and the guy at the phone even pretended I was calling a house or something and that I was harrasing him. I absolutely can not blame that grandpa for doing that.


MissNewfie13

It's not much, but take my free award. As a pizza loving stoner, that sucks monkey-balls bro.


AngryGutsBoostBeetle

Not a stoner but a pizza lover nonetheless. I hope you never have to go through that and if you do I hope your pizza is free. Thank you so much for your award, I truly appreciate it ❤️🍕


arya_ur_on_stage

Meanwhile at some poor schlubs apartment...


randomuser8765

Well, two too many apparently.


Rositalito

2 too many times, apparently XD


Right_Selection6187

Guess the same can be said about UPS Deliveries


iq-braggng-o-smrtass

"Why is there yet another abandoned delivery vehicle in the driveway?" "Oh, I think Grandpa is playing army again."


reallytrulymadly

OP's first car was a repainted delivery vehicle, gifted to him by Grandpa


BringBackTheKaiser

I laughed out loud from it.


Razvodka

Definitely more humor than horror, made me laugh out loud as I read it


skinny_gator

Right lmao I think OP was aiming for a joke though


SimpoKaiba

Same, I was expecting belly buttons


spudlick

If it got made id want Sam Raimi to direct it.


CorphishJokes

It sounds like a darker Scott The Woz bit.


FoldOne586

The grandad was a dachshund.


new_refugee123456789

The thought of identifiable Pizza Hut uniform buttons.


pkcommando

>two Pizza Hut \*nods in understanding\*


RotenTumato

This guy just outpizza’d the Hut


Scumbraltor

Take it you Noid Voider


josephi-krakowski-II

Out pizza the fuck?


Breakfast_Lost

r/thirdsentenceworse


RebaKitten

I snorted. Have a phone award. 🏆


cheerfulKing

You kill one pizza man, you need to kill another. its a dominoes effect


RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRico

Haha


SDinoGamer

Ina?


cheerfulKing

What?


SDinoGamer

Ina, from Hololive English, is known for making a lot of puns.


cheerfulKing

No never heard of that. This was stolen from Lee Mack a British comic on a show called would i lie to you


SDinoGamer

Ah. Okay.


Right_Selection6187

That made me giggle. Have my upvote


Im_Savvage

Total WW2 pins = 9 Total delivery guy pins = 11 Hidden message 9/11 was a tin box job


-YouMustDie-

Conspiracy theorists be like:


NotSoGreatGonzo

“Jet fuel can’t melt tin boxes.”


Pjero2

So you are saying that nazi delivery guys did 9/11


LordGraygem

Hold up, point of clarification. Are the delivery guys the Nazis, or are they delivering Nazis?


jghgjb790

Yes


CatchSufficient

Illuminati! I knu ettt!


OptionalPlayer

9/11 was a *tinside* job.


arya_ur_on_stage

Ty for fixing this, excellent work


BzDizDaz

Lol


Grizzly2525

This seems a bit comical instead of horrific.


Terezzian

Agreed


TheManicac1280

I like how the rarest pins he has are pizza hut and luftwaffe. Implying killing a pizza hut employee is slightly less hard then killing a member of the most advanced air force in the world at the time.


throwaway12131214121

Well, to be fair, it is probably harder to kill a Pizza Hut employee and get away with it.


biggy-cheese03

Probably pretty easy to kill a downed airman


TheManicac1280

I feel like you skipped a few steps.


biggy-cheese03

1. Watch neato aerial fight 2. See poorly trained luftwaffe pilot make a fool of himself and bail out 3. Walk up to luftwaffe pilot 4. Pew pew pew


katilkoala101

1. be a american pilot 2. bomb german planes on their runway


TheManicac1280

Wow man you're a bad ass.


biggy-cheese03

I’m not saying that’s what I’d do, I’m saying that’s what a combat hardened soldier would probably do without a second thought. I’d probably run away screaming like a little girl


YandereTeemo

Back in the last days of war, a lot of luftwaffe personel had to join other divisions as infantry (including fallschirmjagers) due to their lack of aircraft and british air supremacy. It was not surprising to find a luftwaffe badge from a downed infantryman.


Razvodka

"most advanced air force in the world at the time" Technically advanced in many ways yes, numerically, industrially, and strategically out paced, also yes


-YouMustDie-

I can really imagine: "Stupid Fed-Ex, where the hell is my stuff I ordered!?" "Stupid Pizza Hut, this pizza tastes like PIZZA BUTT!" "Stupid USPS, YOU'RE WORSE THAN FED-EX!"


ProfessorRedHulk

WTF is pizza butt send WHY do you know what it taste like!?


Right_Selection6187

Are u saying uve never accidently say on ur pizza after getting up to get the drink u forgot n decided FUCK it n still ate it rather than wasting it by throwing it out? LOL!


onlymadethistoargue

“Stupid dog! You made me look bad! OOGA BOOGA BOOGA!”


LizardFlavurd

I like it. Well done.


AltZious

This has two meanings...


BoyWithAStrangeName

What do you mean?


Hqlcyon

"Well done on your good story" "Well done on killing those delivery men"


[deleted]

Oh snap. That was good.


Key_Cat4814

Well fed ex and USPS kinda deserved it for losing our packages


seamus_mchaney76

Very clever!


THE-I-GAMING

I don't get it :|


seamus_mchaney76

He turned into a serial killer after the war.


Olds78

I thought he killed delivery drives because of PTSD war flash backs


seamus_mchaney76

That may be.


Ronin_mainer

I thought the delivery dudes were nazis in disguise


MintyMissterious

Cool motive, still murder


Olds78

Never said it wasn't


THE-I-GAMING

Oh.


seamus_mchaney76

I've read a few that I didn't understand. You're not alone.


thjmze21

I thought the joke was he delivered pizza and killed soldiers in the way


Razvodka

I'm not sure it's that clever, the whole concept of his daughter presenting the trophies ruins it. Makes a good joke piece and maybe a serial killer theme could have been made but it fell apart in the details. Let's appreciate it for what it is, a high quality shit post


Volnas

So, Franchise War from Demolition Man already happened?


pope1701

This comment is way too low.


nWo1997

Pizza Hut buttons, or buttons from Pizza the Hutt's henchmen?


Terezzian

The fuck is a Pizza Hut button


notagoodname042

Well Fed-ex and USPSmake sense


britishtealeaves

r/twosentencecomedy


Ducksneedloveto

That did not go the way I expected it to go, have an upvote.


PablomentFanquedelic

Yeah, I was expecting the buttons to have been taken from POWs and Holocaust victims in concentration camps.


PaigeOrion

That’s a good one!’


isaakhaze

I honestly thought his Grandma was getting around with these men that showed up to the house and he killed them when he found out 😂


Razvodka

That's actually the best interpretation I've seen of it yet


djnw

“When you take him to the nursing home, remind the staff to play along and fall down ‘dead’ when he points a finger and yells ‘BANG’ like the delivery guys used to. Great lads those, remind me to leave a six-pack out for them.”


Jason5039

This poor man tried to get his pizza delivered through Pizza Hut, but they messed up, and so he tried FedEx, but they messed up too and so he tried USPS.


ZenlessPopcornVendor

That grandaddy is legendary! Bet his Pizza wasn't late often...


brzoza3

left me laughing instead of felling horrified, still great though


idwthis

Hey, I'm gonna give ya to the count of 10 to get yer ugly, yella, no good keister off my property, before I pump yer guts full o' lead. 1, 2, 10!


Abagofcheese

Instantly thought of Cotton Hill reading this


kawaiipoltergeist

I can only imagine the horrors committed by the Nazi Pizza Hut Division.


StoneyBolonied

One thing's for sure, they don't use a wood-fired oven


sethmahan3

Bro there is no longer a pizza hut within 30-45 minutes of my house.


Isshi007

No Amazon?


vashta_nerada49

There should be a few UPS ones too.


FUCK_DA_THALMOR

I like to think the old man went senile and forgot the war was over, but never forgot his training


aflodarkosis

Call me a Pizza Hut employee cuz these comments have me dying


90Kitsune

I'll be honest, I was expecting it to be full of medals and badges from the Allied Forces...


redstringmagic

🎶 And a partridge in a pear tree 🎶


Misfortune13

I’m sorry, but this is actually pretty funny.


Gothzilla13

This made me actually laugh. No simple nose exhale for this story.


poseidons_seaweed

I don't get it


Round-Defiant

My interpretation: Their great grandfather enjoyed killing people during the war, and couldn't stop after it, so they became a serial killer, collecting the buttons of everyone they kill as a hobby.


MobileTaskForceAgent

Can someone explain?


Fake_Username123456

Great grandaddy killed some delivery drivers.


A_Topical_Username

So I was thinking either it was ptsd, he became a serial killer, or he found undercover nazis who where hiding as delivery drivers. Or a combination of the 3


Aouwi

I love it!


CalamityCarnal

The pizza hut button made me lose it. This is hilariously well done


Aokified_Bitch

NOOOO NOT THE PIZZA GUYS


PolarBal

I'm so confused, what does this mean?


Kew_Gardens_23x3

12/10 post, OP


Environmental-Win836

Wait what?


RomySara

Loved this


Wall-Official

The Fed-Ex and USPS guys delivered a broken product to the wrong address


GuyAwks

Good thing more and more stuff is being delivered by drone so those poor delivery guys can get a break!


DeltaBravo831

what is he, clint eastwood from gran torino?


sleeplessfromdreams

Love the twist!


Aliencoy77

Mom is sus. As mentioned, this has levels. GREAT-grandad has medals. Yeah, he has some from a war, but did he actually become a serial killer? And mom knows, accepts, and covers it up? He's old, did he develop Alzheimer's and start popping delivery people, thinking he's back in the war, and mom covers it up?


Due_Platypus_3913

The best one of these yet!😭


Rakorun

I thought these companies got military-power or something instead of grandad just being a lunatic


sslee12

At least there weren’t any Boy Scout pins in there.


qtanon1

Those were too damaged to recover


mexi_nese

Man, fuck those delivery guys


PinkyPurgatory

I woulda had a lot more than three fed ex


Linkman9596

>operation paperclip Checks out, maybe he was just getting the ones that got away


josephi-krakowski-II

He really out pizzad the hut, huh


onyourrite

> Wehrmacht Sounds about right > SS Slay them Nazis old geezer :) > Luftwaffe What’s that? Sounds cool in any case > Fed-Ex Hol the fuck up-


shanjacked

Nice!


fockerland

"And this was your grandmother's." She said handing me a box filled with buttons.


Voltaire_747

UPS is spared, go unions


Zenketski

I relate to the UPS one. They've done me dirty one too many times


ashigarualex

Dont fuck with the UPS guy


Ruca-Suave

Hehe... I found this hilarious


Glacecakes

He killed nazis, he gets a pass


Axl-Key9305

I can only think for some reason in a nazi hunter, so I'm not horrified but impressed...


EddieTheLiar

How can you tell where the buttons came from. They're just small bits of plastic with 1 colour


pyroincendia

Does this also mean the great grandaddy killing people when he was really old? Or does it mean he never really aged? Or does it mean someone else is continuing the tradition of the trophy kills? So many possibilities!!!


CatchSufficient

Funnier still, fed ex does have shirts, but their shirts dont really have buttons on them.


Razvodka

You surprised my expectations and I enjoyed the twist, good shit post my dude


[deleted]

[удалено]


Y-Bob

Well, he lived longer than the end of the war in order to bring the buttons back...


[deleted]

[удалено]


Y-Bob

My grandad, my daughter's great grandad died in the early 2000s. He fought all across the world. There's a few fellers still alive today who fought in ww2, and plenty were alive into the 90s.


pringles_697

You realize that you only have to have gone through puberty to be able to reproduce, right? My friend is 36, and her grandmother is barely 65...


Poldark_Lite

The last Soviet liberator of Auschwitz died a few days ago. Edit: Meant to say that I'm sure there are lots of others like him who were great-grandfathers, or even great-great-grandfathers by now. ♡ Granny


katilkoala101

i almost thought grandpa was captured by the germans and tasked to gun down fedex and pizza hut employees


colemanjanuary

Thank Glob I worked for Donato's


FyreFlyre

I chuckled. I'm going to hell.


Qwertayguy

Can someone explain this to me plz


Y-Bob

So there's a suggestion that the great grandad is a war hero in the first part, and that when he killed his enemies he took a button from each of them. Then in the second part when he looks at the buttons his mom gave him, sure enough there are buttons from what would have been his great grandfather's enemies at the time, but also buttons from people who would have delivered things to his house. It's not possible to explain why his great grand father killed those people too in only two sentences, but perhaps he came back from his war having learned that he just liked killing people.


Qwertayguy

Thanks


Y-Bob

You're welcome


NetheriteSpeedrunner

They say this is what motivates drivers to speedrun same-day orders at 11:59 PM.


onlymadethistoargue

To make this more horrific, I recommend cutting it off at fed ex. Here’s my go. I counted five old Wehrmacht buttons, three SS, one Luftwaffe, and five embossed with that iconic FedEx logo.