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introspectthis

Profound words from u/catfuckingahandbag


paleoderek

I thought you were kidding. Had to scroll back up.


bhedesigns

Same here


SnortingOxieClean

me too😂


SecretDevilsAdvocate

Just a day ago they were complaining about losing their job and the day before that, they were talking about naming their kid after her husband’s ex…and now she’s talking abt leaving him over porn. Sounds legit.


Cry_Macho

Hey It’s a step up from naming her unplanned kid after a video game character in Zelda 😂 especially when the cats name is already Zelda aha


Tungstenkrill

Nothing wrong with Zelda2 for a kid though.


guardian_down88

Lmao nice catch!!


ivappa

I think it's a meme based on that cat dancing with caramelldansen in the background


DrowningFelix

It’s misheard lyrics from caramelldansen dance funnily enough


CarelesslyFabulous

/catfuckingahandbag: "I HAVE MORALS!" Okie.


witchbtch1

ETA - wow thanks everyone for the awards!! ETA pt2 - when I say morality, I mean I do not feel morally holier than thou or better than/above sex workers. I worded that poorly. I also am not a huge fan of porn. Difference is, I don’t find it an issue of morality. I used to be a stripper in the past & do not feel above sex workers. I dislike how normalized it is because - 1. children have access to it, and a lot of kids learn about sex through porn - which is not good. Yes it’s on the parents but remember a lot of parents of today also learned about sex the same way. It’s a cycle. 2. I hate how it’s expected that everyone needs to be okay with it. When a woman dislikes it she’s labeled a prude or some kind of terrible woman. Sex to some people is very sacred. “All men watch it” is a very dismissive argument to this but somehow it’s an accepted one. Let’s also not forget porn addiction is a real thing that is very destructive to the brain & peoples lives. 3. The last issue and the biggest one is the sex trafficking, “barely legal” being one of the highest sought genres, abuse, rape, blurry lines of consent and underage people involved in the production of porn. I personally know a girl who was a stripper, 18 (barely), met a producer and agreed to be flown out across the country having being told she’d be in a certain type of porn and promised a decent compensation. Got on set and was told she’d have to do something she was extremely uncomfortable with, and when she disagreed they said that was totally fine however they would not be paying for any of her accommodations or flight back home since she would not be shooting with them. There’s now a video of a very scared & sad 18 year old doing a very uncomfortable sex act that she did not want to do out there for the world to get pleasure from. This is not unusual.


beatrixbest

Oooof! I was a young and naive stripper in 2001 desperate for money due some extreme circumstances. I replied to an add in a magazine that was at the club. The add was for a lingerie model. However, when I called they informed me they were actually seeking someone to perform in a "tasteful porno and your face will not be shown in it." They told me they'd fly me to Connecticut from Florida for an audition. My gut told me that this was a set-up and I declined the offer. You're story confirms that I really dodged a bullet.


witchbtch1

Wow I’m so happy you didn’t! You definitely dodged a bullet. This girl I knew flew from the east coast all the way to California. She was in CA with nothing & nobody! It was crazy and I was so sad hearing her story.


Huge_Strain_8714

Children and young adults in these situations sadly have been abandoned by their parents for various reasons mostly based on BS Bible references.


hucbaldii

Personally I am of the opinion that the legal age to start in porn should be at least 24y old, ideally 25. Because a lot of teenagers, when leaving high school, feel lost about what they will do to make money and who they will grow up to be. Once that phase is over, I think people will less likely be manipulated into it.


SlinkyJinx02

I totally agree with this. I personally dislike porn in general. I don't dislike pornSTARS, just porn. But I think you're right about the age thing and honestly these people that film pornos probably damn well KNOW that young girls are particularly vulnerable at that age and use that to their advantage and it's fucking disgusting.


wowadrow

The human Frontal lobe doesn't finish developing until 25. Adulthood at 18 is a farce. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3621648/


MaloneDSSP

You could just as easily argue that free choice is critical in meeting the developmental challenges of late adolescence. There’s more to development than waking up at 25 with a fully-developed frontal lobe and not allowing people to make free decisions as an adult during late adolescence would stunt their development and leave them worse off later in life. https://deepblue.lib.umich.edu/bitstream/handle/2027.42/49326/179_ftp.pdf A huge part of people’s identity, emotional development, worldview, character, social development, etc. is decided during this time and I’d go as far as to say it’s immoral to prevent someone from acting as a free agent until the age of 25. “Adolescent brain development is characterized by an imbalance between the limbic and reward systems, which mature earlier, and the not yet fully mature prefrontal control system. This imbalance may be the neural substrate for the typical emotional reactive style of adolescence, and it may promote risky behavior. *Typical adolescent behavior is the basis for the development of autonomy in adolescents and promotes their emancipation from the primary family.*” “The reorganization of the adolescent brain renders it particularly susceptible to environmental influences, *both positive and negative.*” From: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3705203/ Edits: added a couple things


PrincessPlastilina

That’s so scary. Watch the porn documentary on Netflix. I can’t remember the title but it’s the only porn documentary there and it’s about the girls who unwittingly end up on these gross porn sets doing extreme porn they didn’t sign up to do. Some of them get hit and humiliated by men. Every time you see a girl crying in porn it’s real. I can’t imagine who gets off to that but it’s predatory and it creates more IRL predators. That industry treat these girls like they’re disposable and it’s because it’s super cheap to produce these videos. There’s too many poor and desperate girls. If something seems too good to be true it is. This is why I support Only Fans (not monetarily but the whole idea of it). The performers are 100% in control of what they do and how much money they make. They’re safe and protected. I hope everyone in the sex industry remains working independently on OF. Edit: someone said the name of the documentary. It’s Hot Girls Wanted. Major TW because it has some distressing scenes.


Dark_Orchid_

I watched that documentary. TW: but they “facial abuse” sciences were effed up and prevented me from taking a “modeling job” in LA at the time. I was a Cammer back then and got a few offers to go on sets and I’m so, so glad I never did. I support sex workers being in full control of their work and bodies as they are on OF, and most cam sites, escorts. But there are still girls who are trafficked through those sites as well unfortunately.


_pizza_is_life_

I get what you are saying but unfortunately that is not the case for many OF users. A lot of them start off as aspiring social media influencers (for many it is this generations dream). Sex traffickers will seek out these girls and boys online and groom them by supporting their social media career first emotionally and then financially. At some point they are guided to switch to OF and what begins as these young kids modeling clothes and makeup sent to them leads to them becoming financially dependent and easily manipulated into revealing just a little bit more- over and over- until they now have a porn site. Source- I work in anti human trafficking.


hastingsnikcox

I agree with most of what you say but some women are being coerced to do only fans by others.


tderosa665

Glad you dodged that bullet!!!


FlipRed_2184

This is a very sad read


JulietOfTitanic

What's worse is some of the porn is victims of trafficking, and if people delve into the questionable shit, they risk finding, CP. It's sick and cannot be healthy. Let's not forget the crap that encourages violence against women. I feel unsafe. I know someone that had to fight hard to get rid of a video of her, made by her ex. She had no idea, and I am sure there is a lot that is released without consent or the person knowing. There are victims out there that has to fight hard to get these videos down, especially if they were made when they were young. It's terrible, sets disgusting expectations, and some people feel encouraged to go out and do their fantasy. People liking abuse? SV? It's horrifying.


PPtoucher-1

I’ve found CP on porn sites. Especially PH, and XNXX videos. I can no longer look at porn without seeing those kids faces. They were obviously under 14 which was worse bc between the ages of 4 and 14 I was trafficked and I’ll never know who’s seen my child body or what they’re doing with it. Makes me sick to this day.


witchbtch1

I’m so sorry you went through that and also seen that 🙁


PPtoucher-1

I’m mostly alright now but thank you.


GF8950

I think I had a similar experience back when I watch PH. I didn’t click on it, but it had those window screenshot next to the video. It was a girl holding a vibrator. This girl looked young, maybe too young. I just nope the fuck out of the website. It was the beginning of me to stop going on those sites. Thinking that those kind of videos can be on something like PH. I’m so sorry you went through that. I don’t know what else to say but that.


PPtoucher-1

I opened a compilation video and one was a girl probably about 8-10 definitely prepubescent being assaulted by a 60-70 yr old man. I turned the video off and threw up and cried all day.


GF8950

Fuck. That’s just sick. Like I said, that was the beginning of my journey of not going on those sites anymore. So sorry you had to watch that.


freesias_are_my_fav

Is there a way to report those sorts of videos to the authorities?


GF8950

I’m sure there is, but I just didn’t think of it at the time.


angeltarte

It's in the ads on the sites too. Sick ass shit.


chaygray

If anyone needs more information on the violence against women in porn: watch Hot Girls Wanted on netflix. It really highlights the amount of porn that is abuse, rape, incest etc. More than 40% of porn is violence against women. Also they discuss "forced blowjobs." Which is where they get a dick shoved on their throat so hard that they throw up. Its really sad. And the amount of teen porn, step sister porn and barely legal porn is dangerous as hell for girls and women. Its really gross and really sad.


Panda_player19

My sexual assault occurred in the form of a forced blowjob. It’s genuinely disgusting that some men view women as so much less than human that they get off to that


gasstationsushi80

A man I thought I was dating did that to me (he’s a rapist who was using me as his secret whore, turned out) The forced blow job. I vomited as he came. He literally got off on causing me pain. Afterward I was shaking and almost passed out. He told me to calm down and relax. I believe he’s a porn addict and he was acting out his favorite scenes when we were together, which became more extreme as time went on and it was like we were making 3 hour rape porn videos, the way he had sex with me was so all consuming and aggressive. He wouldn’t let me eat when we were together and I became anorexic. I reported him to the police for the forced blowjob shit as well as forced aggressive anal to which I said NO and he ignored me, and he kept going harder until I defecated all over the bed. I didn’t even feel it. Then he said I had to make it up to him by giving him the blow job. Looking back it’s so infuriating. The police told me he committed 3 felonies in that one encounter. The case has been referred to the district attorney but I have little hope it will go anywhere. Porn absolutely fucks people up and ruins lives.


AVonDingus

I’m so, so sorry he did those awful things to you. I don’t have a ton of faith in our justice system, but I really hope he faces consequences.


princessaverage

I am so sorry you went through that. It’s terrifying how normalized sadistic acts like that are in porn and how many people consume it without issue.


underwaterseagem

That's what I don't like about the porn industry too. There's so many stories where women were forced to do things they don't want to. There's also the problem with porn sites not doing a good enough job in stopping child porn from being uploaded. There's an article where women come forward about how their abusers uploaded videos of them as kids and it being on sites long enough to get thousands of views and constantly being re-uploaded.


Own-Cry1474

I wish i could upvote this more than once Edit: because I couldn't upvote more, I'm just gonna give you a random award lmao


Froggery-Femme

Exactly what i did!


StillOnAMountain

Preach! I agree with every word of this except that these examples ARE morality. I am not a fan of porn because of that. If a husband and wife wanna get frisky in their room and film it for later? By all means, have a blast! Everything else is questionable to me and I see more negative than positive.


Simmulator117

Yeah that story is fucked up… has to break some kind of law… that’s coercive rape. That said, plenty of ppl consume porn without it affecting their lives or how they thin of or treat women. They should make porn much less accessible… free porn should be illegal. That would make it much less accessible for children. Not saying it should be expensive, but most kids aren’t gonna be able to charge their moms credit card to view porn.


DiddlerMuffin

It's practically textbook human trafficking. The US definition according to Homeland Security: Human trafficking involves the use of force, fraud, or coercion to obtain some type of labor or commercial sex act. https://www.dhs.gov/blue-campaign/what-human-trafficking Threatening her with no place to sleep and no way home... I hope they're in prison. But I doubt it.


_redacteduser

People think it’s not affecting their lives on the surface but it is definitely affecting how their brain works.


beatrixbest

Oh it's totally coercive rape. The problem is the victim is usually so traumatized and humiliated they don't typically want to go around repeating their story.


witchbtch1

Right? What do you say to the police? “Hey so uh I was flown here expecting to do a regular PIV sex scene but they want me to do aggressive anal instead or they don’t want me to work with them and won’t pay for my flight.” I don’t see that going over in the woman’s favor. The police would be like “well then don’t work for them and figure out how to get home, oh well”


Simmulator117

That’s why you call a lawyer first. I’m sure there are porn lawyers that won’t bat an eye.


iangeredcharlesvane2

*”Plenty of ppl consume porn without it effecting their lives”…* Yea, men. What about the actors? For every male porn star there are a thousand women in this “legal” sex trade. Between the push for only fans the minute a girl turns 18, to sexting and and nudes being demanded of them younger and younger, to all the women cam stripping or making videos… it largely effects women negatively. Add in the boys who are growing up now with extremely explicit and demeaning porn at their fingertips every minute of their day from before they even hit puberty? It has a HUGE effect on relationships that goes well beyond how they think of or treat women. The vast majority are learning an entire different sexual function pathway in their brain. Violence in sex and anal and cum on the face and on and on, young women think this is normal and pretty much required, I’ve been hearing that for years and it will only get worse! Your comment shows you are a man of a certain age, or certain denial to what the porn industry has done to countless women older and young alike.


hastingsnikcox

Well said. Couldnt have worded it better. It creates a set of expectations.


jesuswazacommie

Some of ya'll just need to get a grip. Some of ya'll need to stop gripping.


bilgetea

This simple statement sums up all human problems nicely.


jml011

Philosophers hate this one simple trick!!


CollarOrdinary4284

OP is the one who needs to get a grip. Weaponizing her kids because she's insecure is pathetic.


unicornrainbowzplz

Porn can be an issue. If it’s viewed occasionally or whatevs, not a big deal. BUT, if you can’t get off with your partner because you’re watching…it’s clearly an issue and OP has every right to peace out.


Almbassman

Op didn't express that though. She is morally against porn.


unicornrainbowzplz

You right you right. She didn’t specify so I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions.


onlythebitterest

This is my take on it too. Yes I watch porn, but I also masturbate to the thought of my partner. IMO it's all a form of fantasy and for me that's acceptable for me and my bf. I only find issue with it if it starts affecting your intimacy or your daily life, that's where I would draw the line. That's when it turns into an addiction and that's problematic for me if they would RATHER jerk off to porn than have sex with me repeatedly (I say repeatedly because like for example if in the summer it's too hot and me and my bf are like okay... Too hot for sex, but horny, what do? So we just both masturbate next to each other watching whatever porn cuz we don't have enough energy to be interesting lmao). Just like everything, watching porn doesn't have to be an addiction, everything in moderation and all. But also OP has the right to say if you wanna be with me, I don't like you watching ANY porn. Many women feel this way and they have every right to feel that way. P.S. Am a woman.


unicornrainbowzplz

Yes! Exactly. I watch porn also, and my husband does too, but we don’t let it get in the way of our relationship. If she’d said originally that porn was a hard no and he’s watching it, then he fucked up. Who knows why she set that boundary. We have no right to judge. I completely agree that things in moderation is the way to go!


wannabelegend212

Let me ask you a question. Is it really the porn thats the issue or is it the fact that there partner is masturbating without them?? Let's say OP bf cranks one out to applesauce multiple times a day, would it still be an issue??? I see people complain about porn addiction , but if people masturbated to wall paint multiple times a day it will still be a problem.


i_fart_

She doesn’t want to normalize porn in her household and have her partner respect her wishes. It just sounds like she just needs to find a partner that equally hates it and find it demoralizing.


LiteratureOne1469

Well I watch hentai so I’m in the clear


AdventuresofRobbyP

“It’s called Hentai and it’s art” -Stanley Hudson


ZiggyIggyK

"Yeah I like anime, hentai too!" -Samuel L. Jackson


suberdoo

ah a person of culture


AVGwar

Porn addicts calling themselves "men of culture" (Guilty as charged)


RedXD_

females exis-


suberdoo

thank you for getting this lol i've actually met more women who watch hentai IRL than I have men.


LaceyDark

Female here. And it is my exclusive choice. IRL shit has just never appealed to me


RedXD_

i really appreciate you got my point right there :)


RaspberryGummies

This is nice to hear. Ive never really liked regular porn much- especially not with the sound on, but tbf sometimes hentai sounds too annoying and fake as well.


mogaman28

Japanese fujoshis have entered the chat.


getSnP500

Same


vaniet

🤓


[deleted]

Weebs when you tell them having a crippling porn addiction doesn’t make them a ‘man of culture’


Armoured_Sour_Cream

You are writing one thing in the title and a different in the body. I don't like porn being normalized. I'm in my mid 20s and have watched porn maybe 2x or 3x, most of that was when I was 12. I don't like porn nor how addictive it could get and how harmful it can become. I never liked it. But you aren't advocating against the overuse or the normalization, you are stating you have morals by not watching it AFTER you just mentioned using your offspring as a bargaining chip. You kind of imply those who watch porn have no morals, right after proving you are willing to USE your own kid(s) against your SO as an ultimatum. Sure, would be better if he respected those boundaries. But I'm not sure it's really worse to rub one out than to use your own bloody kids to blackmail their own dad. And if he did respect those, then what? A healthy man needs to jerk off quite frequently. If not daily, every other day or every third day even. If he didn't watch porn or have sex with you, he is going to use his imagination. Even if he just imagines his ideal body-shape or situation, he would be cheating on you in your eyes. And even if he imagined you, would you believe it? Maybe, but how you've put this whole post, I'd wager you wouldn't.


GLnoG

Now we getting into the imagination realm. Now i want to see her perform some real mental gymnastics to prove why it is bad that her husband imagines stuff she doesnt wants him to imagine.


Armoured_Sour_Cream

I really wouldn't be surprised if she went down that road.


SecularXY

She’s taken the old ball and chain to new heights, rebranding it as the Imagination Police.


intheflessch

I can think of a lot of worse things a person can do than watch porn. I wouldn’t let it destroy my relationship (to a point) or my own self worth. I know it has far more to do with the other person than with myself. I don’t know why we as a society let infidelity, and I use that word lightly, destroy us to our core. It has much less to do with you than it does with the person displaying the behavior.


SoyBoy7780

Yeah and not many people who watch porn are addicted and that word is thrown around way to often. Like for me I do it but I can get off it for a long period of time on like vacation or whatever. Moderation is impt Also idk why people shame masturbation it should not be thought as weird or disgusting but something natural that we need to do for our health. I think people would much rather chill men than abstaining men that are angry and horny


ladyjingyi

Check OPs post history, she posted that she wouldn't mind naming her daughter after her partners dead first girlfriend. Just yuck, she is seriously deranged


Weak_Leadership5524

I’m a young 23 yr old male who is single and has been struggling to quit wanking to porn and pictures since 12. I know in some instances me struggling to quit is not the porn but my own self control. The brain is rewired to chase that kind of pleasure. That is the main reason why I avoid pursing any kind of relationship. Deep down I want to quit and know it would be best for me but it is so damn close to impossible living close to Manhattan where women are extremely beautiful and this iPhone is constantly next me. I always say one day but that day may never come and I might be 50 alone. Porn temporarily satisfies but overwhelms me with this void of loneliness. That feeling also drove me to chase the high from drugs to avoid the feelings of desperation and anxiety. I know I need to go away in the mountains for a year and have no technology or any temptation present to allow my brain to become normal. Even with a real girl it is hard to find pleasure. I hope your boyfriend respects your boundaries and you could find the patience to work with him and maybe help him seek help if that is what he needs. He might be madly in love with you but have a problem with his brain chemistry. Thank you for this thread it has allowed me to release what is weighing in my brain


HedonismTT

Bruh. This hits way too close to home. I hope you get the help you need. I started talking to a therapist in January and, after a series of slip ups with cocaine and a failed suicide attempt, things are finally starting to get better again. You have to talk this shit through and process it. The mountains might be one way to rewire your brain, but you can also do it by really processing emotions, ones that might be deeply ingrained in your mind and your body. I had an acupuncture session a week ago and feel a sense of determination for self-improvement that I thought was gone forever. Different things will work for different people but it’s dopamine that we’re all chasing, and you can find it elsewhere, but only if you’re willing to look in the deepest nooks and crannies. Sometimes, you might look for dopamine and find none, and feel unsatisfied. That’s OK too. Being comfortable with being uncomfortable is a necessity.


SunnyGirl_TF2

Congratulations on going clean, keep going! You can do it! And also, such beautiful words of encouragement. I wish there was a cure-all for these sorts of things, but everyone is different and some treatments work for some people while others don’t. You just gotta keep looking for what works for you


onelonelywhumperfly

I know I'm just an internet stranger, but I'm happy you're still here 💕


Anonynominous

Porn, sex, etc. is a source of dopamine. Addiction of any kind involves the desire for dopamine. Mental illness causes dopamine deficiency which leads to dopamine-seeking behavior. Only by working on your mental health/dealing help for the issues surrounding your addiction, can you eliminate porn addiction.


funlovingfirerabbit

Well said


padawan-6

What worked for me was just to go to a park with a blanket and just stare at the trees for about an hour a day. In just a few weeks I found that I craved that time and managed to kick technology to the curb. You'll still slip up here and there but it is way more manageable once you've grounded yourself for a bit.


dianthe

I’m sorry you’re struggling with this, I know it’s a struggle for so many men (and women) :( People are getting exposed to pornography younger and younger these days and the types of pornography are also a lot more hardcore. It absolutely does rewire your brain and makes it more difficult to have a fulfilling sexual relationship with an actual partner. The fact that you realize that it’s an issue and what it’s doing to you already puts you a step ahead of many though. Have you tried seeking help to overcome this? There are a lot of free support and accountability groups out there, you don’t have to go through it alone.


Aragornargonian

did i write this?


pauleenert

Have you thought about seeking therapy for this? You sounds miserable. Hope you end up okay.


Puffinpopper

It may sound silly but have you thought about reading a good romance book? I don’t know your situation or if you can afford therapy but paperbacks can be pretty cheap. There can be sex scenes and you know no one is getting hurt. It’s a book. And typically if it’s well written it’s not just about the sex but the character’s feelings and thoughts. It might help you see sex as more as just junk food for the brain. It can be healthy.


CowgirlBebop575

Is it possible to masturbate to your imagination or memories of past sexual experiences? It's possible for people to get caught up in a guilt loop. You feel bad for thinking about something, then you continue to think about it which makes you feel worse and causes you to think about it more, finally (after being fixated on the thing) you give in which restarts the loop. I used to think that I had a serious problem with porn when I was religious. When I stopped being religious and feeling shame, I thought about porn significantly less. I didn't care anymore so I stopped fixating on it.


ArcMcnabbs

I promise you having somebody to do it with and re-learn how to feel things normally and not because of the dopamine you get from staring at tits on a screen. I struggle wirh addictions, in gemeral, porn being one of them. I find having so.ebody even if theyre just my bff and we bangin(current situation, its helpful) is super healing for a porn addiction. In order to beat it, you have to find a new, similar vice. Being with somebody shows you the stark difference and gives you something to focus on and remember when you have porn cravings. The first 3 days is rough, easier on day 7 sans porn, but with somebody to fuck. Consider it. Porn will stunt you sexually and romantically, which often turns people into incels. Be careful fam.


Bungeditin

I just like the stories


MrPancake1234

Will she get that pipe fixed??? I must know XD


Bungeditin

Will the father find out how the babysitter has abused her position? Or that his wife is having an affair with her? Or how to get human fluids stains out of the sofa? Find out next week on ‘Horny babbysitter 6’


Nearby-Ad8105

With all due respect to you, after reading your post and replies it sounds more like you are taking your pass issues you have had with yourself and/or your past exs and making your current SO the problem. If u had a addiction in the past its not his fault,if your exes did something bad towards you its not the porn its the poeple u were with. If your SO is treating u well while watching his porn i see no reason why u should put all those past events on him as if he is the one that hurt you. Its fine to have boundaries,just make sure u have them for the right reason.


suberdoo

I love that you bring up boundaries and are talking about establishing them healthily. I think a lot of people are missing this in their attempts to dissect the situation.


theADHDdynosaur

>Its fine to have boundaries,just make sure u have them for the eight reason You can absolutely have boundaries for any reason that you deem fit. However it's important to recognize boundaries are what *you* are going to do when faced with specific behaviors/situations regardless of who else is there and what they are doing with their bodies. They are not ultimatums, they are not demands, they are not intended to control other people. Example: you don't like the usage of porn and do not want to stay in a relationship with a spouse accessing it - clearly communicated from the beginning and the follow through is leaving the relationship if the spouse is accessing it. Your reasons aren't anyone else's to decide if they're "the right reasons", you have just as much right to leave over it as they do to keep doing it regardless of reasoning. Now when she says "I'm taking the kids and you'll pay child support if you access porn" that's not a boundary, that's manipulation and abusive behavior. Making demands and choices for others (the kiddos likely still want to see their dad, and he's not a safety risk just because he watches porn) is not setting boundaries. OP it's abusive controlling behavior and an indicator that you may have some shit to sort out with a therapist before you pass on those trauma responses to your children. Taking them away from their father because you dislike something he's doing is not putting your children first.


Nearby-Ad8105

I understand what you are saying. But my point was that OP shouldn't make her SO change the way he does stuff because her ex's did something to her or because she had a bad time with porn when she was younger. Those experiences have nothing to do with him. She can talk to him and ask him to be mindfull ( wich she did) but she has to also take into account that u can't just say "Don't do that because i dont like it". And expect her SO to just be fine with it. What about his side?


fordkelsey25

Just curious, but what's the difference to them spanking it to porn or their imagination? Because he could just as easily think about things he's seen or done in the past that aren't you and you'll literally never know


Legoblockxxx

She disagrees with the imagination too


-Lyca-

She said in the comment that she is using the imagination herself


Legoblockxxx

Really? There was another one where she said it was not okay for her partner!


TheRealSlabsy

Thought crimes


louisemichele

Porn has human rights and ethical implications that imagination doesn't. I'd rather not watch porn if I can't be sure the actors weren't coerced/too drugged to consent/filmed unknowingly/underage/etc.


vthanson

The irony of saying porn will rot your brain on reddit is staggering


Top_Echo4167

Love how you think it's okay to demand something from your partner and weaponize your children as a way to make it happen.


omg_kungfu

This. "I have morals" uses children to get what she wants. disgusting.


Chocolat15

Hey OP said she had morals but never specified whether they were good or bad. Although in this case it would be the latter


LikesBigGlasses430

Hitler had morals. Morals don‘t have to be good and neither do the people who have them have to be good.


L3nny23

Finally Logic


robsteezy

This post sucks. Why? Bc it hooks the reader into thinking there’s a reasonable stance, and then the post itself is a holier than thou person screaming on a soap box that they don’t care about the actual advocation, but rather, that she is literally willing to break a home over the matter. Honestly I can see why your dude would rather beat it than deal w whatever the hell OP is on.


CMDR_KingErvin

“I have morals. Not your morals, but mine matter somehow and yours don’t.” - essentially what OP is saying.


omg_kungfu

Yea but do you?.. Do you have morals when u use your kids and alimony as leverage, to force your husband into your so-called morals?


lizzi00

well it’s okay to have boundaries, it’s just not okay to be threatening with children if those simple boundaries are pushed


SwishyJishy

“You’re jerking off to internet pixels? The kids are at my mothers place and the divorce papers are on the front step, you perverted sicko. SMH, I can’t believe my husband would destroy our family like this.” It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy if you ask me.


chardeemacdennisbird

I legitimately know a couple this happened to. They were aquaintences, not good friends. Super religious and she claimed he was "addicted" which from my understanding meant she caught him a few times looking at it. She divorced him, they sold their house, she took the kids and now goes on and on about doing the best for her kids and trying to keep it all together as a single mom. Fucked up


bronzelifematter

Some people wants to be a victim so much so they get a pat on the back for their struggles. She doesn't have to be a single mom, it's not like he cheats or anything. He wank of to a video, so what? He's there, he's providing, he's not jerking off in front of the kids I assume or else she would have made a big deal out of it and tell everyone. She made herself a victim so she can get a pat on the back being a single mom. Woe is me, I have to raise my kids by myself because my husband watch porn. Look at me, I'm a single mom doing the best for my kids.


Drakayne

Can i have boundaries for another person's body? I know it's a relationship but she should just break up instead of taking revenge or forcing her bf


MommaBear817

Exactly. It's okay to not like porn and it's okay to make that a boundary in your relationship. It's okay to leave your relationship because your partner watches porn. It is NOT okay to use your children as fucking leverage nor is it okay to try to deprive someone of their children for something that isn't hurting anyone else. My husband and I both watch porn, I really don't get why so many women think it's disgusting, but that's okay. Everyone is different and everyone is entitled to their own opinions.


Zukazuk

My last boyfriend was heavily into porn. I left him because I got tired of being treated like a sexual object to live out his porn fantasies.


Yavania-Blom

Same, we actually watch it together sometimes. It's not about the actors, it's about the act! Though it's nice if the actors look good. So I don't get the "wank to someone who looks nothing like you" thing. As if anyone is interested in porn actors' faces.


doesntlikeusernames

Yeah… had me in the first half but then when it turned to judgement and narcism i was out. Really gross.


ChristoFrost

I love how she is just answering to positive comments about her situation and not replies that are challenging the way she thinks :))))


scottie2haute

She’s only here to confirm her bias. Doesnt matter that the majority are calling her out. This is what extreme insecurity does to a person. I hope OP can put it all together and overcome this level of security because she’ll never be happy living like this


ChristoFrost

Yessssssssss


Outside_Ad_1447

Yeah OP is a pretty horrible person


rcris18

I read the headline and was like “yeah anything that can be normalized will be doggedly defended by those who are addicted to it, I can see OPs point” then I read the body and went “never mind this chick is crazy no wonder her spouse is watching porn” lol


bluesteelballs

Codependent, narcissistic and manipulative to say the least.


Ginamyte06

There’s a huge difference in “porn harshly skews sexual expectations from people who watch it” vs “I AM ON A MORAL HIGH HORSE PORN IS CHEATING”. If you’re not “insecure”, then why do you care SO much that the woman looks nothing like you? That’s insecurity… I’m expecting a lot of downvotes, but they shouldn’t be shaming sex work due to their insecurities. Yes, it’s harmful to watch a fuck ton of porn and create unrealistic sexpectations, but leave shaming out of it. Edit: Damn y’all, I really thought I was gonna get chewed out for this one lololol


DB_Ultra

>Yes, it’s harmful to watch a fuck ton of porn and create unrealistic sexpectations This is honestly the most important part. If you watch an actionmovie and enjoy the excitement thats fine. If you go on to join the Army because you thought the movie was so kickass you might have a problem.


Sl1ppin_Jimmy

Why do you think the Air Force and navy are setting up signs outside of movie theaters? A lot of 18 year olds are going to be like man I wanna be like maverick!


NEClamChowderAVPD

Didn’t the first Top Gun result in an uptick of recruits, too?


Sl1ppin_Jimmy

Probably. Recruiters: “oh yeah you’ll be flying those puppies in a couple months!”


PMYourTitsIfNotRacst

Moderation in everything, even moderation.


Imalibra13

Exactly.


NotCallum

Definitely didn't read this as HORSE PORN IS CHEATING at first


peachesandscream666

Regular porn is fine. I draw the line at horse porn though.


scottie2haute

You’re not gonna get downvoted by many. OP’s take on porn is horrible and I dont think many people would defend her take. She has a weird kind of black and white thinking thats bound to make her unhappy for quite some time. Hard to believe OP is a real person in all honesty


Petisimon125

Sexpectations man ☠️


Inheimers_jokes

The different strokes comment seems invalidated by the following rant.


ladyjingyi

Exactly, she doesn't actually believe it lol


OwnAdministration918

Everyone has a different code of morals, so you’re not a better person for not watching porn


TheGoatThatWrote

Perfectly said it seems like op is a little condescending in this post.


offbrandbarbie

Yeah like I can understand not supporting the current porn industry (while still respecting sex workers obv.) because it’s a shady industry that treats women like garbage, underpays them and abuses them, but this isn’t about that. It’s about jealousy and she’s using her children as a weapon against her husband. So fucked up. Leave the kids out of your bullshit.


JurassicParksNdRec

I want to upvote this comment but your karma points are at 69


Thatusernamisgone

You can upvote it now


DriftingDownie

I just got urs to 69, nice


ImpossibleOwl5893

I've been married to my husband for 10 years. I know he watches porn. He knows I watch it too. Do we tell each other what kind of porn we like? NO. Why? Because I honestly don't want to know. Also, I believe TRUST has a lot to do with it. I'had an ex who had a porn addiction and it we broke up cause of it. The difference was that he always mentioned it. We'd watch a movie and he'd say stuff like "omg! I've seen her naked! I've watched her sex tape!" It got to the point were I just became disgusted with it. If he was so porn driven instead of doing it with me and expressed my discomfort and he kept doing it, then he wasn't respecting me. With my husband, I know he's not watching it instead of being with me or every single day. I know he doesn't look at other women and think "hmm have I seen her in porn? Does she look like someone I've seen in porn?" For us, porn is used when neither of us is available. And we're both ok with it. For example: we had once gotten a bit playful and things got heated. I saw a certain aunt had come to visit and we couldn't continue. I told him to just go do what he had to do, watch what he needed then call me when he was done so we could go to bed. When I came back I knew he had watched something but it honestly did not bother me. I didn't even ask about it because I didn't need to know. From what your saying I'm assuming you've put up a boundary and expect your partner to respect it and not cross it. It's not about you "having morals" because you can't say you have morals and I don't just because I disagree with you. People are going to have different opinions than you and you're going to have to accept that. Agree to disagree and move on. If you don't want your partner to watch porn, tell him, ask him to respect that, and if they don't, then move on to another guy. You might be happier.


ExcellentSpirit8495

Yes! It has more to do with TRUST and respect more than “having morals”. My husband and I have been together for 8 years. We both watch porn. Would we both rather be with each other, yes! But sometimes I don’t feel like it or I’m unavailable so he watches it. Sometimes he’s unavailable and I watch it. OP, your husband needs to respect your boundaries. If porn for you is a hard no. Then he will need to respect that boundary. If he doesn’t respect that boundary, then you will probably need to reevaluate your relationship. But please do not weaponize your kids if you do need to separate.


thatbsd123

It is so so weird, abusive, and toxic of you to try to exert this much control over your partner's masturbation habits, not to mention this awful weaponization of your children. I see no evidence of the morals you claim to have.


bettinafairchild

>he's going to be paying child support.... He won't actually pay child support damn. Not sure what's going on here.


Chi_Baby

….You would not let your kids dad see them anymore if you catch them looking at porn again? “kids won’t have to deal with that”? You can not be okay with it if you want. But it doesn’t really have anything to do with someone’s quality as a human being or parent. It’s more like, people use things like porn and even social media for quick dopamine bursts in this depressing world. Doesn’t really mean anything beyond that, unless he’s actually neglecting his children in the interest of watching porn. Otherwise, the whole post sounds super spiteful.


Alternative_Anxiety

>You're literally cumming to someone who isn't your partner What if you're single? What if you have a partner who is into stuff like that? I don't see a problem here


Anynon1

I’ve been single for almost a decade, I’ve had plenty of flings and go on dates but not much luck sealing the deal. I gotta get my needs met somehow unfortunately. Doesn’t mean I like porn or will defend it until I’m blue, but being single for that long would have become insufferable if I didn’t have some sort of release


junepir

Exactly this. Personally, I genuinely need the visual/auditory stimulation to get what I want. I don’t defend porn or even “like” it, it’s just a tool for my relief..


eggy_delight

10:45 PM rolls around: "ah shit here we go again"


SednaNariko

I will say that it is trash that reinforces horrific stereotypes that can lead to abuse. 100%. >It's really upsetting seeing your partner jerk it to someone who looks nothing like you. It crushes you from the inside out the longer you don't say anything and try to be the "cool accepting gf." However, this isn't by default true. I actually encourage my fiance to watch point from time to time as I have medical issues that make sexual activity difficult for me. Plus there are times I'd rather shoot myself than have sex even when stuff isn't acting up, so it's easier to be like "hey just go watch some porn". Sometimes we even watch porn together and there are times that I help him out while he's watching porn. >that shit kills me Like hey if that's cheating to you and you establish that early in the relationship that's great. But like it's not considered cheating to everyone. And to assume all women hate it because you do is kinda concerning. And in some cases it can be kinda ablest. I'd rather my man get off to porn and maybe my hand than sit there and cry for months because my body is broken and cannot satisfy my man even when I actually want to have sex.


hey-its-me-yk

Idk man, i watch yiff. I guess it doesn't count?


DMugre

>No. I have ~~morals~~ **a personal bias/preference which I seem to confuse with moral autorithy**, thanks FTFY


m3lonfarmer

If he’s not looking at porn while masturbating, then he’s using his imagination. What makes you think he’s not fantasizing about other women? We all have sexual fantasies that involve people/acts that exist outside the universe of our partner. It’s natural.


Fap2anime

so you're saying its cool if she looks like you? jk jk


tikki_tikki-tembo

Sounds like you leaving him could be the best thing for him. Poor guy


GtheH

I’m trying to imagine the look on the judges face when she tries to take custody of the kids because he watches porn (by himself).


mattdean4130

I'm curious whether you own and use a vibrator, sex toy, etc?


jtj5002

Out of all the real reasons to not like porn, OP chose to be that one insecure and crazy one and tries to pass it as "morals"


neverforever3838

As a guy, I will never understand porn over real life sex. This post also reeks of insecurity.


Content_Landscape876

People don’t wanna hear that porn is addicted and like any addiction it comes with large negative consequences.


Hydronymph

Seems like you're projecting. You have a problem with porn, you've told your partner you have a hard boundary around the use of porn. He has (we'll assume) agreed to the boundary and than on multiple occasions been caught breaking that boundary. Now you're coming to the internet to shame EVERYONE for the use of porn regardless of our comfort or boundaries because you're mad your spouse doesn't respect you enough to be honest. Get therapy and a new spouse who shares the same feelings you do or at least respects you enough to tell the truth


EmilyG702

It’s very damaging. My ex was so addicted he couldn’t finish until he put porn on.. so odd. There is a a great article written by time magazine about how damaging it really is…


EmployeePotential622

Not everyone needs to like porn, I agree, but I don’t think your problem is with porn. Based on your post, you have a self confidence issue that you are projecting onto porn. Blanket statements that people who enjoy/watch porn don’t have morals is problematic and honestly sounds like you’re bringing in any evidence you can to back up how you feel about porn because of your confidence issues. Boundaries are important in a relationship and need to be respected once they are established. That is a separate issue. -someone who is also not a big fan of porn but honestly doesn’t care if my partner or anyone else for that matter watches it.


TheFallenTitanAtlas

"Kids won't have to deal with that." Deal with what? Is your husband showing the kids porn? Is he neglecting his fatherly duties to watch porn? If not, you taking his kids way from his Is a majorly messed up thing to do. Sure talk to him and tell him how it makes you feel. But don't drag the kids into something that absolutely nothing to do with him and don't use his kids against him. Tf is wrong with you?


jsalem011

I think it's utterly hilarious you think you're morally superior to porn watchers. You aren't.


Flahdagal

You've got some comments up there that tweak my nose a bit, but let's put your high horse in the paddock for a minute. You apparently have a hard boundary of "no porn", up to and including divorce. Whoever your partner is now knew that, and walked past that boundary. That's the issue, and you need to address this. If there is a different partner in the future, that person needs to have the same view of this that you do, because it's going to be problematic. It's fine to have standards as long as you realize that those standards migh narrow down your playing field considerably.


dickwithshortlegs97

I don’t mind porn, but I do hate how much of it misrepresents sex to the point that some people think porn is realistic and jam their fingers in and expect me to be happy about it? Um, no. You can’t just spit on my vag and ham at it. Spit isn’t good lube. And jamming your dick in and out isn’t pleasurable. It hurts. Or how they think anal works, like there isn’t any work involved in prepping and stretching. I’ve watched lesbian porn, gay porn, hetro… you name it. None of it looks fun. It looks painful. And some people act like it’s informative or accurate.


New-Environment9700

Porn can absolutely be an addiction and can hinder peoples ability to be intimate with their partners and achieve climax. It LITERALLY changes the dopamine/ seratonin receptors in your brain. Yes it is way too celebrated


U_DonB

It definitely is. OP is still ridiculous in her reasoning though. Because she got addicted watching it at age freaking 8! She now projects that fear onto others. Her reasons are not virtuous.


Sandshrew922

So the idea that your partner finds other women attractive in addition to you is the core issue here?


ogunhe

NO, "sHe HaS mOrAlS, tHaNKs"


Sandshrew922

Yeah I'm not touching that one lol. Some people have puritanical views on porn. She's welcome to her opinion, but yeah I don't understand the moral outrage against watching adult content unless it becomes detrimental to other aspects of life.


ogunhe

Indeed. Things start getting fucky when OP is judging her partner by a 52-year relationship her grandma has, that she's idealized. Stop judging monkeys and octopuses by the metrics of elephants just because they're animals. It's syllogistic. Furthermore, deriving a superiority complex as a result of your perspective/determination actually makes you a worse human being. Best of luck to OP in her future endeavors.


DrunkThrowawayLife

My husband’s porn addiction ruined my life. What a waste of eight years. He’s into voyeur and you better believe he started filming his own as well.


ReaganIsRad

I love how you just verified that it's different strokes for different folks and then still judge people 💀


powellnut

Porn can be toxic, yes. But using your children as pawns is even more toxic.


BTanalyst

If it's not for you and you set the boundary that you cannot stay in a relationship where you feel disrespected by porn, then stop accepting it. Once, fine, but 2, 3 times? They don't care and they're not for you. I like porn. I will never be with someone who has a problem with me viewing porn because I know we're not compatible. I also wouldn't try to control them and say they should just accept it. You're not compatible. Porn in various forms has been around since the beginning of time. It's going nowhere. The people that have a compulsion or a problem to where they let it affect their relationships or refuse to stop when they know their partner feels disrespected by it just need to find partners that are okay with it. It's a waste of time to try to control another person that sees no problem with it. Just like with anything else. Remove yourself from the relationship then. I will say porn itself doesn't ruin minds, that happens when the person can't accept reality versus fantasy. I'm not attracted to just one type of person, and sometimes I don't want to put in the work of sex to get off quick so I find something to watch to please myself quick. Doesn't mean I don't love my partner. Doesn't mean I find them less attractive. If a person can't get off without porn. That's a problem. It's an addiction, and they will only change by seeking help for their addiction. If a person compares you to what they see. That's a problem. If a person pressures you to do things you're uncomfortable with from porn. That's a problem. If a person hides they watch porn because they know you feel disrespected, and this is a continual fight. . . That's a problem, and you're not compatible! Just end it.


DorkyDame

Its really sad. They even have rehab centers for people that are addicted to porn. The porn industry has spent so much money trying to convince people that it’s normal & it’s doing more psychological damage than people realize. It’s ruining marriages, relationships & peoples quality of life. Now they have VR & people are starting to see how unhealthy it’s becoming vs it just being a casual thing. Real life & real intimacy will always be better than Porn.


Happy-Chipmunk9413

You sound fun to be in a relationship with


kongv83

I had a porn addiction and it made me few women as sexual objects. With the help of my wife, I ended up giving it up in addictive fashion. We now watch it together on occasions to spice things up a bit. But it really made me obsessed with sex and viewed women as practically not humans. It rotted me brain out. I feel so much better having given it up.


Imtryingtobebettr

I find it odd you’re morally against porn/sex work yet you’re asking strangers on the internet how to safely sit on your man’s face. You’re insecure. Probably about a lot of things. It’s also weird that just a few days ago you said you were excited to bring a child into the world, but in this one you already have kids? Maybe that’s just grammar semantics. Also, you’re going to leave your child’s father while you’re 11 weeks pregnant with no job (or financially unstable at best) to prove some point? You sound brilliant. Join a hobby group, an exercise class, or volunteer. Do anything where you interact normally with the general public (McD’s doesn’t count).


Negative_Two6112

You're totally right. Porn is really bad for dudes brains and normalizes all sorts of unhealthy shit. This has been proven scientifically. The world would be better off without porn.


idkijustlikememesetc

>You're literally cumming to someone who isn't your partner. This sub: "first time?"


lacroixanon

I found this post surprisingly easy to masturbate to


solve_et_coagula_

I’ve seen what porn addiction does to a relationship. I’ve seen ex porn stars speak out against the industry, and they get dog piled or told “she knew what she was getting into”. No, they really didn’t bc a lot of them are coerced into things they didn’t sign up for, but they already signed the contract, so they had to stay. The sex industry isn’t as glamorous as everyone makes it out to be. There’s a lot of trafficking, drug use, and suicide attempts. I could never support such an abusive industry. Regan Starr: “I got the shit kicked out of me. I was told before the video – and they said this very proudly, mind you – that in this line most of the girls start crying because they’re hurting so bad . . . I couldn’t breathe. I was being hit and choked. I was really upset, and they didn’t stop. They kept filming. You can hear me say, ‘Turn the f*cking camera off’, and they kept going.” Roxy: ”After only 30 movies I caught two sexually transmitted diseases. Herpes, a non-curable disease and HPV, which led to cervical cancer where I had to have half of my cervix removed. Porn destroyed my life.” Porn is a no when it comes to my relationships, and if they’re not ok with that, then we’re not compatible.


TLynn421

My ex-husband's porn addiction was the beginning of the end of our marriage. I didn't have a problem with it however I didn't watch it either prior to my marriage. After seeing what it not only does to a person, but a couple as a whole, I am absolutely against it. My bf understands this and we've set boundaries. What's even more disturbing than the effects it has on the brain, is the notion that the actresses and/or actors could be underage, trafficked, or being forced to participate. I recall actress August Ames standing up to the industry regarding the lack of safe sex practices and in turn, she was ruthlessly bullied online until she eventually committed suicide.


SJohns1216

Checked your other posts. You were mad he found your doppelgänger and now you’re mad if he’s wanking it to someone who doesn’t look like you? Which is it? Would you rather he polish his knob fantasizing about women you both know rather than women who are literally paid to be ogled? People jerk off. When it’s my imagination it’s my partner, but it’s also my coworkers, college friends, some hot guy I saw on the street, actors, musicians. If I’m jerking it to my coworkers, I’m going to develop an attraction which leads to potential cheating. If I spank the monkey to some porn actor with a huge dick, highly unlikely I’ll ever meet him. Figure out your real issues here because you’re contradicting yourself, and it 100% is an insecurity thing no matter how much you pretend it isn’t.