I'm a pervert and I feel bad.
By - drdgz
Sounds like you should interact with women on a more human level. Watching a lot of porn can mess this up. As men were subliminally conditioned to see women as objects, and if you don't have a few healthy platonic relationships with women you're less likley to see them as people and more likley to sustain the "that ass" mentality. Sounds like you're hyperfocused on sex, might mean you're not actually satisfied at any point. This also might be fixed by talking to more women like people. Try reading a book with a female lead written from the first person. Might help you emphasize with women as people and not a sequel object. Might also give some insight into how you might feel if you were a girl in the presence of a really horny guy, (hint: it should be a scary thought). Sex should be part of life but not life its self. Side question,, how sexauuly active are you?
Please don’t take what I’m going to say as rude. I’m glad you understand that this isn’t a good thing and are talking to people about it! My intention is to tell you straight up how it is.
As a woman, I’d feel disgusted knowing that someone I knew was looking at me like that at all, let alone all the time. I’m sure you’re not a bad guy, however you need to learn to have respect for women, they are not objects for you to stare at pervertedly. You can’t just say “I do see them as people” when your actions aren’t matching up with your words. Women in porn are consenting to being looked at in that way, not random women/friends/coworkers. The first step is to spend time considering WHY you are doing this and your thought pattern and actively stopping it. If you truly have no physical control over your eyes, then invest in therapy.
If you think no one else notices you’re wrong lol
This. Your coworkers, friends and others definitely notice when you’re staring at them in a sexual way and it likely makes them uncomfortable. You can control this. You can stop this behavior and it 100% is a choice you need to take responsibility for. If you’re struggling with it a lot, I suggest you seek therapy to learn how to better control your compulsions.
Edited for grammar
They likely won’t confront you at all because it makes them feel uncomfortable. It’s a really awkward and unfair spot to be put in as a woman. Please have enough respect for the women in your life to stop this behavior and get help if you need it.
As a women, I hate being looked at in a strictly sexual manner. I can feel it, I can sense the intentions. It would scare me .
I can relate. Maybe get book or audio book on sex addiction. It could be problematic in relationships. Took me a long time to accept it but it can make you self destructive. You might not be that bad but it’s good to get ahead of it before it’s a real problem in your life.
Chemical castration can fix
Just work on your hobbies and other interests. Get sex out of your head, one step at a time.
Once you manage that, try to get a girlfriend or just female people to talk and get emotionally involved with, get a topic in common. this is probably the hardest part, since you will need people that share interests and enjoy your stay (and you theirs too.)
Seems like you already tried the shaming yourself option. and people on the comments here aint really helping. So looking at the most positive way possible is: Find something you enjoy more than being a pervert. You cant let that weakness decide your life for you, bro.
Just so you know, there are many women in your life who are aware you have no issue openly staring at asses in public. It’s pretty easy to tell which guys are like this. It’s not just about how subtly you stare. It’s a really disgusting feeling to know you’re on the receiving end. You have control over this behaviour.
Less porn, more humility, more interacting with human beings to remind your brain that we’re all just ugly sacks of flesh at the end of the day including you. But mostly just less porn, dude. Get some control over your brain.
I'm going to say a few things, as one hypersexual guy to another likely hypersexual guy:
* Your sexuality is normal, your libido is fine for you, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. If you're uncomfortable with your libido, you can speak to your doctor to find a suitable medication that would help to lower it. If you're comfortable with your libido, but uncomfortable with the societal stigma, than I recommend therapy to help you get into a more confident state of mind. :)
* Many will attempt to blame your increased libido on porn addiction, even if you never view porn at all or an otherwise healthy amount. Ignore these people, as they are simply trying to rationalize hate.
* You aren't hurting anyone by your "gazing", though I'm sure many are creeped out or disturbed by it. It's definitely something you'd want to get under control. And no, I don't think you gaze at women because you "see them as objects" or picture them as sub-human. Anybody with this mindset has zero understanding of psychology, as "objectify" is a philosophical term.
* Masturbation helps, but extreme hypersexuality (like I'm technically labeled, though I never think it's as bad as it sounds) is usually only fulfilled by actual sex. Something about the connection it satisfies. You should discuss this with your girlfriend, about how you don't feel fully satisfied. This could lead to more sex, and if you notice that any amount of sex isn't fully satisfying you, maybe it's the quality of sex. Do you have any fetishes or kinks that you ignore because your girlfriend (or most girls you interact with) are more vanilla?
In the modern era, women are flaunted for their extreme sexuality. However, men are shunned because male extreme sexuality coincides with rape in most people's minds. You can 100% be a healthy, hypersexual man and find relationships and friendships that promote your lifestyle. A lot of people monetize their hypersexuality, doing stuff like OnlyFans and porn to support it.
I think a lot of people think all men have an infinite sex drive and if we don't control it, that's what makes is immoral or otherwise bad people. That's not how it works for women and it's sexist to assume that it works differently for us. We have varying ranges too, and sometimes they're just larger than normal.
Anyway, good luck with whatever option you decide to go with. A lot of these comments are just here to shame you because you admitted fault, so it gives them an out. You don't have anything to be ashamed of and you don't have anything to worry about. If you *ever* have thoughts of something like rape, though, I highly recommend therapy. That means your libido is getting to you in some different way, and you need skills to recognize and deal with that. :)
Low, men your age have a very strong sex drive and are very visual. Recognize this and start to control your mind and thought process. When you see women, think about their personality, their likes and dislikes, their humanity! And NEVER LOOK AT PORN, it will ruin you. With porn you will only look at woman as objects to masturbate on. You will never have an emotionally intimate relationship with a woman or wife because fantasy porn babe will always be between you. Stop berating yourself, forgive yourself for your frail humanity, and do better tomorrow, I know you can. Start focusing on the qualities you want in future wife, and start looking for those. And be the man she would want to marry. Good luck.
Dude, there's nothing inherently wrong with being a sexual being, enjoying the beauty of the opposite sex, or even wanting to have sex with attractive people.
As long as you're not being an asshole about it, or making other people uncomfortable, it's all good. You need to accept and embrace your own essence and sexuality.
I'm going to guess that maybe you were raised in a religious household, or a predominantly female one. No strong male role model/father figure.
Try reading "The Way of the Superior Man" by David Deida, "Models" by Mark Manson, and 'No More Mr. Nice Guy' by Robert Glover.
Nope. We have sex drives for a reason.
This definitely is wrong. You don’t have a choice in terms of your desires/inclinations, but choosing to act on them is not ok. Looking at women sexually as you described is wrong, they are people, not objects, and they deserve more respect than this. Your sex drive isn’t immoral, but it’s clearly something you need to work on. Don’t beat yourself into a pulp about it, change and forgiveness is always possible, but this is something you need to work on.
Normally I wouldn’t respond to a comment after people resort to ad hominem attacks, but I’ll clarify what I said here in case any of it was unclear. A sex drive doesn’t have a moral aspect in terms of how much you want sexual pleasure. We can both agree, however, there are sexual actions that are immoral, even if we may disagree about exactly what sorts of things that may entail. What I was referring to when I said that OP needed to “work on” it was not OP’s high level of desire for sex, I was referring to OP’s desire for immoral ways of satisfying that (such as looking at women in the way he describes). Now, you may disagree that that is immoral, and if so, we can talk about that if you want, I’d like to hear your perspective. But I was referring not to his desire for sexual pleasure, but to his desire to do certain things to satisfy it.
Now for the second part, maybe we’re engaged in semantics here, but in my eyes, no one chooses what you desire, you choose how to respond to them. I don’t really see how one would disagree with that, so if you’d like more, I’d need a bit more elaboration from you, then I’d be happy to elaborate more on my end after I properly understand your perspective.
If you’d like to ignore me or continue calling me an idiot, go ahead, but I think it’s much more helpful to have a genuine discussion. If you’d like to do that, great, but if not, have a good day sir.
Sure bro sure
Alright, fine. I tried. If you want to keep being that, way, I won’t stop you, but you’d get so much further if you didn’t just call everyone you meet online an idiot or whatever. I know this comment is futile, but I’m typing it anyway out of some hope that both you and I could make the internet a less toxic place for discussion. Have a good day friend.
Reddit is the wrong place to seek advice for this. Because you're a guy, they will just condemn you. If you were a girl, they would praise you and tell you it's normal.
Laughing at how true this post is as I observe the comments in the thread.
Honestly, idk if you're a virgin or not, but after you've had sex a few times, the constant desire should decrease.
Don't listen to all these fuckers saying you're mistreating women. You're allowed to be attracted to women. Plenty of women out there looking to just hookup. If you're ugly, just lower your standards a bit, even go for older women.
Just, if you meet someone you want to have a relationship with, try to keep all the sex craze stuff low key. Once you're in a relationship, you'll get sex plenty enough.
Nofap. Semen retention. Steak. Become a power ranger
Get blue balls.
Not sure if i am actually correct but i dont think 120 days is enough for your brain to fully heal from the effects of porn. I could be wrong and maybe no fap might not help. Me personally i am trying to stop fapping for a year and see how it turns out.
Stop watching porn, it's ruining you.
Some scientists have say the only difference between people who say they have porn addictions and those who don’t isn’t the amount they masturbate but rather the shame they experience from that. I’m not arguing that it doesn’t affect your life in a negative way but you may just have a high libido and feel a lot of shame for that. Either way I think you should talk about this with a professional to find why you engage in this behavior.
I was raised Mormon, and we were taught that these types of natural thoughts/feelings were evil, they aren't. What you're describing is normal as long as your masturbation routine isn't effecting your productivity or otherwise impacting your life negatively.
Sounds perfectly normal to me.
Yep. Look at all these losers telling him his natural desires are “perversion”
He’s staring at his co-workers asses, that’s not professional, and it’s going to cause him to get in trouble. He shouldn’t be thinking about his co workers asses in a sexual context, there is a time and place for everything and this isn’t it. There’s nothing wrong with a healthy libido, but boundaries are necessary.
Calm down tough guy
Big cock eh?
Maybe you just need to get a GF
GF are not replacements for therapy. He needs to get to the root cause of his problem and work on addressing it. He needs to lay off the porn for a bit, acknowledge that women are actually sentient feeling human beings (not just mobile spank bank providers) and work on himself before he will ever have a healthy and lasting relationship.
I am a massive perv and have been in a loving long term relationship? Some people just have high libidos
There is a wild different between pervert and high libido
I would always say being a bit of a perv is fine. Being a creep is not.
Wait wait wait.... you’re telling me women have feelings and aren’t “mobile spank bank providers”
For many people being in a relationship makes them lose interest in others. He’s right.