T O P

As a man who frequently experiences stereotypically “female” problems, it really upsets me when women gatekeep those issues.

As a man who frequently experiences stereotypically “female” problems, it really upsets me when women gatekeep those issues.

Frangipan_1

As a woman who's experienced a myriad of male abuse in my life, and got to the point where I had to talk about it or die....those conversations are not best discussed with friends! It's too much of a heavy subject - I remember unloading on one mine, and made them feel sick 😕 You obviously need to talk about your experiences, so I suggest that you seek out a suitable therapist. They will teach you the tools that you need to become aware of your vulnerabilities and how to recognise and protect yourself against these narcissistic psychopaths that you have the misfortune to attract. Male/female, doesn't matter... if we have vulnerabilities, we can be preyed upon by both sexes. I'm so sorry that you've been going through this, and wish for you to find your strength 🙏💖


ewpqfj

While I agree that you probably should spare your friends from it if you can, they should still be there for you and listen if you need them to. Your friends don't sound like great friends.


slindsey100

Sounds like a legitimate complaint to me. I'm sorry you have to experience those things. Let me just say, your feelings are valid and okay. I hope we all can learn to be more open and accepting.


whiteguilt-sorry

I'm sorry bro. You deserve a space to be heard and acknowledged. Your experiences are valid and don't need to be "compared" or "contrasted" to the situation of anyone else, including women.


SpiritualBugatti

As a female, it’s disgusting to see other females act exactly like the men they criticize. This is why we need equality in general.


Roadbreach

I was actually looking through these replies to see if any women agreed.


aka-ryuu

In fact, I only see women agree and having empathy here.


throwawayforme909090

I’m so sad you feel so silenced. I’m a 22 year old female, and one of my older brothers was raped when he was 18, and it changed the course of his life. I’m so sorry other women have treated you poorly and worse that other women have tried to justify those actions. I’d advise counseling maybe a support group. Or even my inbox. I’m also a survivor of these things and would love to be a listening ear if you need. Those women in your life should have known where you were coming from since it happens to us all the time too. Stay strong, and know people out there care for you and love you. 💞


Kittyfish1098

I can totally commiserate my friend. I’ve been sexually harassed by both men and women, emotionally abused, catcalled and generally treated in very “manly ways” by women and as a man have had very few if any people I could turn to. I understand my friend and you should know you’re not alone


petulafaerie

That really sucks. Your experiences happened and the way they left you feeling is valid. Women don’t have a monopoly on these experiences, and we certainly aren’t only victims of it - women perpetuate and exhibit those bad behaviours too. I’m a woman who has been lucky enough not to experience a lot of what you’ve been through. But I have been stalked, twice. Both times by other women. It’s really bullshit people have dismissed your experiences because they don’t understand them


curebyfiction

I think you need to find a better audience. I would be and am empathetic to you and what you’ve gone through. I think you need to look for empathetic people. I am a woman and all those issues are as real to you as they are to me.


WitheredBarry

Knew a guy like this. Former military, left him pretty shaken and sorta fragile. But he was still ripped and went to the gym regularly. He REALLY hated it when women would walk up and grab his arms and shit.


bluntcuntstunt

People really think these are just "female" problems? What the hell?


2Catshanging

I am so sorry you have been treated with such disrespect. I know there are women who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve, praying that you find her soon. Just curious, what age group are you in, and do you think that is a factor?


GuacIsExtra27

Your feelings are valid and you have every right to be upset by these experiences. I’m sorry you had to go through them.


General_High_Ground

People are so sexist today, that even if you experience exact same thing as them, they won't be able to relate to you just because you have different genitalia... And as a bonus, they'll also invalidate you.


maeb84

I am a woman, and this is something I think about often. I'm a mom to 12 year old boy, and everything you just said terrifies me. I'm more scared for him than I've ever been for myself. i don't want him to ever have to experience that. And my heart hurts for the young men who do have to go through this.


scorpio6519

I think the same women who treat you like that are the women who also react negatively to women who've been raped by anyone except the stranger hiding in the bushes. There are a lot of misogynistic women. They tend to be just as yucky as misogynistic men. And also hold unrealistic, macho views of what a 'real' man is.


unlinkeds

Just thinking outside the box here but maybe someone who is shitty to men is being misandristic.


scorpio6519

Well yes. But, 'trying to think outside the box' ,just trying to say that women who give op this response are assholes who treat women in similar situations just as bad. It's not totally misandry, it's so much more.


FestesTestes

> can’t talk about it in left leaning circles because acknowledging you were hurt by women means “you hate women” This is ridiculous to me, I'm as lefty as it gets and so are my support system. If this shit happened to me, they would 100% be there for me and listen without casting judgment. Sounds like you're talking about the boogey man version or something.


D-List-Supervillian

And you just proved his point.


senorElMeowMeow

Dude try criticizing women for toxic behavior, you’ll get a weird chorus “women don’t do that you’re lying” “Only those (dozen or so) women do that, it hardly ever happens” and “it’s perfectly legitimate for women to do that!”


FestesTestes

Probably because you're saying "women" instead of talking about a specific woman. You are grouping people together instead of discussing your experiences and your feelings.


gregmcmuffin101

Men are grouped together as a whole all the time, especially on this platform. Nobody bats an eye. I was banned from a sub for telling the woman who posted to stop blaming all men, and blame only her abuser. There's double standards on both sides, but don't act like men aren't attacked as one big group in plenty of subreddits.


Damocles_crown

"Not all women", right?


worst_user_name

You're intention ignorance is exactly why this is a problem. I can relate to him and there are so few places to feel safe that my default setting is typically acerbic and vitriolic to keep people like you at arms length. You don't get to blame the victim for your shit behavior any more than anyone else.


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gregmcmuffin101

You don't see it because it hasn't happened to you. I have similar experiences to the OP and I'm never taken seriously, so I don't even bother talking about it anymore, especially on this platform.


goethica

I think it’s taken less seriously because women are often less “physically threatening” or “dangerous.” But that doesn’t mean the emotional/psychological damage isn’t real. And women’s experiences don’t have to negate men’s experiences. If something happens to you and causes you trauma, then you deserve to have space to express that without being dismissed.


ImportantResults

Try r/MensRights.


senorElMeowMeow

Yeah but MRAs are kinda cringe though ngl


ThisIsUrIAmUr

They're "cringe" because it's socially unacceptable to talk in-depth about the exact problems you're describing. Looking down on people who are actively trying to solve these problems is only makes it easier for women to gatekeep.


ImportantResults

Then work on your biases.


Inner_Art482

I'm sorry the women you have been around don't validate your experiences. I wish more men sounded the zame.alarm you are now. Then it becomes a human issue and not a gender issue And will be more quickly taken seriously


ohgeezisthisodd

What you’re saying is all valid. I’m sorry that the people can’t understand or even let you talk about it. I’m a woman and I know it is definitely not ok to assault men. Sexual assault is just wrong and I don’t understand why people would gatekeep these issues. Instead of invalidating others, we should fight against it regardless of gender. You can talk to us here, you can message me if you want to chat. I will admit I don’t understand what it’s like to be a man but I will listen without judgement and not shut you up.


AskMeAboutDeadCats

Yup, don't ever talk about them. Sorry but this is the actual advice. You've never had problems, life is easy, gosh darn don't women have it rough. You're perfect no worries. Don't complain, ever, they don't want to hear it and you won't change the paradigm. It sucks but this is the actual play.


PiratedAnime

Idrc about what you said but what about the dead cats?


AskMeAboutDeadCats

It's an old inside joke from way back when I was a vet tech. When people would lose a dog the reaction was generally the same. When people would lose a cat it was indifference or the absolute end of the world. Having a cat for 20 years and watching it die would absolutely break people.


PiratedAnime

Oh wow well that went dark quick


gregmcmuffin101

Honestly I agree. It's only a matter of time before most men learn this. I'll never open up to a significant other in my life. I'll talk to my therapist instead, it's not worth the loss of respect.


[deleted]

If you're not astroturfing this is the worst thing that ever happened.


LousiestRaccoon

I'm so sorry you had to go through that and it's inexcusable that some women gatekeep them. Unfortunately, a lot of women offenders do get away with that. The times I was sexually harassed, and nearly groomed online, it was more often by other women than otherwise and people only called out the predators who were men. It's really shitty, and I hope the people who did those things to you are brought to justice and you can get closure for it. You deserve better than anyone dismissing your trauma, that's just inexcusable.


Schmorpek

I was molested by a girl when I was twelve or thirteen and she was around 16-18 I think. Didn't understand it at the time and told never told my parents or friends. I think it has to do with marginalization of women that they aren't held responsible for their actions, but I think people vocal about inequality today are extremely toxic themselves. Today I just don't let that get to me and I believe I am not suffering any trauma. Sounds weird, but I think I wouldn't even recognize her if I met her again. Sometimes I think not giving a shit about the perpetrators is the best thing you can do. But if you want to talk about it, I would recommend some self-help groups or a therapists, not necessarily friends or family.


Glass_Winter8878

I remember reading a thread here weeks ago about a guy who was raped by his father's friend at 13. Then, some b\*tch came and called him "walang bayag" (no balls) for not standing up against his father's abuses. That mofo really thought the woman rapist isn't liable because the father is the worse problem.


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Caddan

> Getting this off your chest on reddit isn't gonna help When has *anything* posted here on reddit actually helped? **THAT'S NOT THE POINT OF THIS SUB** This sub is for people to rant, not to find answers. If you really have that big of a problem with this sub, maybe you should leave.


Amygdali_lama

Ironically, that's actually good advice.


Caddan

So maybe you should take it? Bye bye, now.


SeizeThatCarp

I like how perfectly you managed to embody the type of people that are making OP's life unpleasant. Not only that, but you inexplicably take issue with someone venting on a subreddit specifically meant for people to unload emotional stress. The borderline victim blaming is a really nice touch. The implied rape apologist vibes you give off here are fun too.


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SeizeThatCarp

I'm not a professional and there's so much context missing I don't know if therapy is useful for him. But again, this is r/trueoffmychest. This sub exists for people to come and vent, which is what OP is doing. My question is, what's going on in your life to make you want to be an asshole? Do people not pay attention to you, so you wish to have the problems that OP has? Is it because he's a man? What compelled you to answer this thread instead of moving on with your day?


Amygdali_lama

Hypocrisy at its finest. It took you a couple of messages to lower yourself to 'my level' - criticising someone else on a personal level. Something I thought you didn't like people doing? Just accept that I don't agree with the OP and think he should get professional help.


SeizeThatCarp

You're missing the forest for the trees. I'm critical of your whining about OP on a sub dedicated to people's complaints. That you disagree with the content of OPs venting just makes you look like a prick. And honestly, I don't actually care about ad hominems or personal criticism here. Much like everyone else down voting you, I don't care about the content of your opinion because it's wrong, the basis of your initial comment is wrong, and your attitude towards OP is wrong. Good luck being intentionally obtuse and abrasive, I'm sure it'll be very helpful in your future relationships and endeavors.


Amygdali_lama

OP needs a wake up call, not a bunch of people saying 'aww poor you, it must be so hard'. Stop whining and get on with life. Jeez, you lots really are a bunch of no hopers. Thank you for wishing me good luck, good luck to you too.


CrazyDragonfruit5983

That’s not cool


senorElMeowMeow

Found one


Amygdali_lama

But these aren't problems.


Inner_Art482

You don't think it's a problem to not feel safe, then you have a problem and need to seek counseling


LuKing-Ra

You literally just proved the need for this post to exist, lmao


Amygdali_lama

Then my work here is done.


Mr_Mori

What a shit take. Let the fucking dude vent.