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You need an outside of sex, sex talk. Just frank and honest communication about your sex life. Your expectations AND her expectations. Talk talk talk.


Let me add one word: y'all need *frequent* outside of sex sex talks. In my experience, the best way to have a great sex life is to let sex be a part of your relationship even when your pants are on. I'm not even talking about "dirty talk," although hell yes. But just talking about sex in general will help you both have the language (and the courage) to talk about what you want, whether in the moment or not.


15 years and 2 kids in and can confirm that this is the way. The best sex conversations happen outside of sex. It's also not a one and done situation, you might want time to reflect or gather your thoughts after an initial conversation.


For sure. "Take your pants off, I have something important to say" isn't always the best way to tell your partner what you want, lol


Sounds like a cult-call! The leader walks up to the microphone and says: "Now everybody take your pants off, I have something important to say!"


It's only serious if I say: "Leave your pants on, I've got something important to say"


Tomorrow is the judgement day or sort of. So have fun without coincidence everyone. Causal cult thing.


I might have to rethink my comment, I haven't tried it yet but maybe I do all my best thinking whilst Winnie The Poohing!


I disagree. If my partner said that, my pants would be off so fast, we could talk about whatever she wanted.


I’m using this line later. Thanks


Idk I'm gonna try that on my hubby 🤣😂🤣


So many questions about relationships have the same answer which is "talk." Communication is so important in any relationship.


I think a lot of the times when this happens, not talking is because one of the 2 parties doesn’t listen, or only hears what they want to hear and are not being open.


Definitely. Communication is more than just saying it. Both parties need to understand, listen, and be on the same page with each other.


Dude, you couldn’t be more right. Sometimes I think this sub should be renamed, “questions that open communications could solve” or “talking about hard things is easier with strangers”. Not that it’s ever easy talking about this stuff…


r/questionsthatopencommunicationscouldsolve That might be too long for a sub, haha


Except as anyone can see if you go to the DeadBedrooms subreddit, "communication" never solves anything, in the issue of a dead bedroom. They've all tried that countless times, along with counseling, etc., and nothing ever works. The mismatch in libido is the problem, not the communication. As the saying goes over there, "You can't negotiate sexual desire." If it's gone, it's not coming back outside of infinitesimally rare instances. This fact always gets downvoted by people in relationships with mismatched libidos because they are in denial, but that's the truth, and anyone can see by going there and looking around.


Sounds like someone’s got a case of the Mondays!


It's almost like the two people in the relationship are the ones with the best understanding of themself, the other person involved, and the current status of the relationship. What's even crazier is how open communication between these two people seems to improve the relationship they're in! but fr its fascinating how so many humans avoid confrontation (shit parents everywhere) and then find out the best way to handle issues, is exactly that.


And talk before it’s “too late”


When sex has stopped in a relationship, it's already too late. Anybody can go to the DeadBedrooms subreddit and see that. They all try "talking," they all try counseling, and everything else, and nothing ever resolves it. The actual solution is to leave and find a sexually compatible partner, but people don't want to hear that.


Low libido can be a medical thing for both men and woman. It can be caused by drugs, depression and even more serious things like tumors. Hormones should be checked and a Dr involved. Shouldn't be dismissed as "incompatible"


Also, if having that conversation seems a bit out of your/your partner's comfort zone, might I recommend writing down what you want to say to your partner before having the talk. You can either use it as a reference during your conversation or you can give it to your partner to read independently, take time to process, and then sit down to discuss what was shared on paper. Just a suggestion, as having these intimate conversations can sometimes be intimidating 😊


This is the best possible advice. Having an honest and open conversation with my wife changed our sex life far more than I could have ever imagined. I feel like we jumped forward like 20 years in about an hour. It might feel awkward at first but damn was it worth it


One time I told my friend that I was discussing sex with a girl I met on tinder and he was flabbergasted that I just asked her about it lmao. Some people seriously don't talk about sex and that's insane to me.




She may be experiencing a hormonal imbalance. I have been experiencing this myself, and my sex drive has plummeted over the last year. I feel horrible bc my boyfriend feels like it's his fault, but it definitely is me- I have a hard time getting in to it, physically and mentally.


What are you basing that on?


That’s what I’m wondering. It can be literally anything. She could have depression, she could not enjoy sex (in general), she could not enjoy their specific sex, there might be other stuff in her life, there might be gynecological issues that might cause pain or discomfort, she might not think about sex as often, etc. Like we don’t know bc we’re not her and OP needs to ask.


I wasn't saying that IS the answer. There could be a plethora of reasons. I was simply relating my experience to OP's point of view. I've been with my own SO for 6 years with a decent drive, and within the last year my drive has significantly decreased where he is the only one initiating. Seeing my doctor, they made me aware of hormonal imbalances that effect that department that many women don't even realize. It's worth OP having a conversation with her, if this is a possibility.


Similar experience and talking w my doctor. If he is the one generally trying to initiate it, she might have some hormonal deficiency that causes lack of desire. Of course I'm not a doctor, I'm simply basing my comment on similar experiences.


text her at 3am saying "wyd lol"


want sum fuk bby?


Drop the lol and you’re gold


never fails


Talk with her. Ask her how she would like you to initiate sexy time. Let her now you love her and you enjoy making love to her and would like her to show/tell you how you two can have fun together. Everyone is different, noone here can tell you the answer. Some people like to be surprised, some prefer some form of planning. Many people feel certain things (like work and cleaning) need to be taken care off before they can relax, so if you can get these things done together it may help. Of course there is a chance that she thinks sex is not something important to her, so talk about that if she expresses a lack of interest. Best of luck


My wife and I literally will just say "wanna do it?". We've been together 7 years


We both got buckets of chicken. Ya wanna do it?


I always ask my wife a for a penis hug or if I can go motorboating... been married 22 years


We have been together for 5 months now. "You want to sex?" Never got a No.


14 years in here and the only thing she rolls over for is a mid air scream of "rape time!" in my wrestling spandex.


this guy's wife and I literally will just say "wanna do it?" We've been together 3 years, but he doesn't know it. /s


Make an appointment.


Instructions unclear. Now I have a dental cleaning on my calendar.


Plus side, you're getting teeth cleaning.


Hopefully not with a dck


If you are, you really need a new dentist


Aw shucks, that's a dentist I would visit weekly.


Wanna swap our dentists ?


Actually, this helps. Years ago, as a sort of joke, my mom wrote "sex!" on my calendar in several places through the month (Mom and I are cool talking about sexy stuff). When that day would come up, I'd point it out to my boyfriend (now husband), "Oh look, sex is on the calendar!" and then it planted the thought and we ended up having sex on literally every day it was on the calendar lol.




So what are you doing when you initiate sex? Foreplay is a long game and for women it often includes distinctly non sexual things like emotional support, contributing to household labour and of course showing sexual interest throughout the day and week without asking for sex. It also includes actual dedicated sexual foreplay for her pleasure. Asking for sex is great and I encourage everyone to express their sexual desires to their partner but if it is going this long she is not interested for a reason, and likely that reason is simply that their partner isn’t making them aroused which means that sex won’t be comfortable or fun for her. Time to chat with your partner dude.


If you can't have open ended conversation after 6 years I'd think maybe some professional assistance. It does work.


You need to submit a claim. Sometimes it will take them 2-3 business days to recieve, process, and make their final decision.


I am commenting rather that upvoting, cuz the upvotes are at 69 right now…nice.


Finna down vote to make it back to 69


Mission failed. We’ll get them next time boys.


Nah let's keep downvoting to bring down to 69


Like 10 people up voted the comment just to feel like baddies


Ir rejected, appeal to authorities if possible, like her parents.


Lmao. What’s the usual result?


Claim denied. Then you appeal it to authorities (parents) if possible. Could get overturned if they really wanna grandchildren


You can consult with legal advisors and enter a plea to arrange that the service be outsourced to a third party provider at the expense of the client.


Ask her if she wants a back rub. If she seems to be enjoying it, ask her if she also wants a front rub.


I feel like that would be awful ngl. Like imagine wanting a normal massage but then it turns sexual


There's an old joke: Child: Why did you decide to have me? Mother: Actually, all I wanted was a back rub...


That's why I just initiate things by touching a girlfriend sexually, randomly grabbing her ass, kissing her, etc... I dont disguise sexual desire as something else and do bait and switch. I'm up front about what I want, and it has always worked in my relationships.


And after a few months of hearing no : r/deadbedroom


My wife pretty much knows if I give her a back rub she ends up with a dick in her.


You can’t ask for sex after 6 years? Sit down and talk. Or talk to a therapist.


well how’d you do it the first time?


How much do you concentrate on pleasuring her? Does she come when you have sex? Could also be that she is feeling stressed.


As with all relationship troubles, communication. Asking strangers on the internet will often lead to bad advice. Talk to your SO. It might be awkward and uncomfortable, but the more you talk about it the easier it gets.


For me I just let her know I wanna do it. If she's in the mood then I will do it, if she's not she'll say she's not in the mood and I just hug her instead.


A back massage can be a good transition.


Those are rarely refused, talking would be better long term though…


Start the day with sweet talk and gentle touches, little compliments. Clean something, and not half assed, but like clean it. Wash walls and baseboards with purple Fabuloso and then have the kitchen so clean you could drop an egg on the counter and eat off of it without feeling gross. BUT DON’T SAY SHIT. Just do it because it needs doing. Then later make some dinner or go to Kroger and “splurge” on 5$ California rolls, and make them look nice on a plate with the chopsticks and napkin and all. Then go on a walk or something. On the walk, tell her how hot she looks and how you have needed some intimacy, and how you wish you would be more intimate because she is fine as a motherfucker. Make sure you’re holding her hand on the walk, and pay attention to how she involuntarily responds to what you’re saying. Hopefully she will be into it. If not, ask her why, don’t be accusatory or demanding because that’s a dick move and also, NOBODY wants a pity fuck. That’s my 2c.


Learn from the Kama Sutra and play the long game. Sexual activity is a slow build up to the actual activity with little touches, teases, kisses, words, and flirts with a partner. Eventually that turns to foreplay. It keeps them constantly on the edge of arousal and when you decide to break the threshold and have sex they will be willing and ready. (Women's sexual arousal cycle isn't like porn. They just suddenly get extremely aroused in porn like someone flipped a switch. There's no prep or foreplay or loving touches, just rub n tug. Women need to feel loved, relaxed, and sexy to really enjoy sex.)


My current partner casually touches me all the time and I’ve never been so horny. It’s all because the reason he shows physical affection has little to do with sex. Which means he can get my body interested in a non requirement sort of way and let me come to him.


Youre making some awfully broad assumptions about how women want to be treated. I think you should speak for yourself. My partner is pretty much the opposite of what youve claimed here and im sure many are. Everyones sexual needs are individual and its best to remember that. Open communication is a lot better advice than to "learn from the kama sutra".


Just say hey you want Sum fuck?


Some women don't like being the one to initiate, so it's possible she might never ask you, but want you to ask her. I recommend just asking her how she prefers to be asked, and if she feels comfortable asking you. Then you'll be able to ask in a way that she prefers.


Don’t ask. It kinda kills the mood. It kinda comes across as she’s doing you a chore. She’s not gonna get turned on by that. What you need to do is build up to it, build up the sexual tension, tease her, flirt with her, drop little hints here and there. Have a bit of play to get her excited. She’s already your girlfriend, but she will still be excited by being chased. What she wants is not sex, but seduction. You’ll know when she’s responsive. But don’t overdo it. You need to seduce her. Seduce her not only when you need sex, seduce her even when you’re not horny. Show her you want her even when you are apart. Then sex with her will be easier for you. And it will make the relationship more fun for the two of you.


I agree with this: communication is important but I don't think talking about it like discussing when to schedule your pool cleaning is what's needed, at least not now. Start off by inviting her to a special romantic dinner. Tell her you'd like to wine and dine her on Friday night. Do something cute like slipping an invitation into her mailbox if she lives next door, or slide it under the door. This doesn't have to be dinner at an expensive restaurant, you could put together a picnic to take to a pretty park, you could do a candlelight dinner at home and put on some sexy music for dancing afterwards. Whatever you choose to do, just make sure the romance level is turned up...bring her a single rose when you pick her you or even go next door to get her. If you make it feel romantic, romance is sure to follow. Have a couple of glasses of wine so you both loosen up, slow dance together and kiss her as you do...she'll know what you're after. If, after all attempts she pushes you away, then that is when you start chatting. Ask her why she isn't interested in sex? Is it something that you are doing or not doing? Is it something you can both work on? Find out how many times a week or month she feels like having sex. Does she want you to initiate or is that unwanted pressure and she'll let you know when the time is right?? Let her know that she drives you crazy and love to make love with her; you think she's super sexy. And don't let the romance ever stop; it's important to a lot of women.


This. My fiance does these small tensions, like putting his hand on my thigh, or "accidentally' touching my butt while we're walking when elsewhere. What works best though at least for me is when he suddenly gropes my boobs. Even if im not horny, it only takes a couple of these actions and im all set. Me though not so subtle, i'd put my butt against his dck or sometimes just whisper "i want you to fuck me" lol


OP don't listen to this unhealthy advice, because it comes from a mindset that only the girl should be made to feel wanted. You deserve to be wanted too. Sex isn't earned, deserved or expected. Sex is a feeling you should both have, not one you have to desperately try to get through favours/compliments. Sorry to whoever posted this comment, I'm not flaming you, and I hope you can see my point.


I see your point, and I agree that men should be made to feel wanted as well, but I disagree that this is unhealthy advice. In a long term relationship, it's expected that a difference in sex drive will become apparent eventually. It's not always women who desire sex less often than men, though that is pretty common. Regardless, the partner who wants it more often will find themselves in this position, horny when their partner isn't. The solution is to get your partner aroused, and this advice accomplishes that. The goal isn't to ply them with compliments until they put out because you've 'earned' it. The goal is to flirt like you did when the sex was on fire, to reignite those feelings.


This is the one. It's amazing the power a simple touch of the hand, a glint in the eye and a smile can do. Every relationship goes through dry patches, from experience putting pressure on it or drawing too much attention can be counter intuitive.




I don't know how other people do it but "wanna do it?" or "I'm horny" usually works for me. Though I have been accused of being profoundly unromantic (not an issue with my partner) and pragmatic to a fault. So maybe take that advice with a grain of salt. Haha


Yep, this is my modus operandi too and I too have been called decidedly unromantic for it xD But I’m 11 years into my current relationship so I must be doing *something* right?


Yup, I thought this is how everyone did it in a long term relationship 😂


We're at "you washed right?" And that's the signal lol


I might be the oddball because I suggest you address the non sex aspects of your relationship. You may not think anything is wrong, because you're only seeing your issue. But I'd bet she has something going on. Might be depression or stress or maybe she's feeling insecure about her body. Idk. Only she knows. It's your job as a partner to find out. And after that, then you address the sexual stuff.


All of this. With my husband 26 years and there are definite lulls for any number of reasons. Make sure you’re communicating with each other and the rest should fall into place. Good luck.


we talked a bit about that. and it turns out that she is almost burning out from all the work she does at her job, at home (her mom thinks her children = slaves that owes her everything but that aint the subject) and at school. she just cant handle all this at once, and whenever we hang out together she just want to chill for once.


My girlfriend and I have been together for 6 months and we just say “wanna have sex?” or will initiate it through actions like her simply climbing on top of me in a way that shows she wants sex. If either of us aren’t up to it we’ll just say “not feeling it right now, let’s just cuddle instead” It’s called communication. The fact that you can’t openly communicate with her after 6 years is really worrying to say the least. And the fact that she doesn’t get it on with you for up to 2 months at a time is a tad interesting…


I’d just ask. Next time you’re alone and you got the time, just say, “Hey, do you want to fool around?” If it’s been awhile and she still says no, I’d wonder if something was wrong then. My wife and I constantly make the request of each other.


Talk to her about it.


Have you tried being romantic with her or are you literally just asking for sex? Kinda makes a big difference


i am romantic, like almost all the time. i just like making her happy and loved


6 years and she’s still your girlfriend? Let’s start there.


i said "gf" but that's a mistake. she's my fiancé, we just cant afford to get married right now.


I understand that. Weddings are expensive. Just got done planning one and we get married in about 2 weeks. I am sorry you a feeling less than because of a lack of sexual intimacy. Women take a bit of time to get started. Maybe you could surprise her with a homemade dinner, candlelight bubble bath and lingerie laid out to join you in bed after. It might spark something. I know I’d love that myself. Best of luck. Don’t be too hard on yourself.


Sometimes speaking as a woman and wife we don’t want you to ask!! 😂


Helicopter penis


Dude. This could be a number of issues. Your best bet is to sit and talk with her about it, maybe see if something you're doing is causing her to loose interest in sex - it sucks for your masculinity but sometimes men need a bit of coaching on how to satisfy a women. Sorry i know that makes me sound like your dad or a lecturer, or even condescending but it's true. The other, and more alarming issue, is that she just simply isn't that bothered about sex - there's no secrets as to why this is a common stereotype amongst women as men have a much higher sex drive on average than most women so it sucks that you're having to appear needy because your partner isn't that bothered about your sexual needs - again talk with her as it's important and tends to be why men break up, divorce or cheat.


Uuuh, don’t know what you’ve been reading but women’s sex drives pass men’s by like age 23. Then men can hardly keep up. I’ve certainly never met a man who could. With my current partner it’s twice a day every day and that’s his limit, not mine. When a woman wants a man, really wants him, guys don’t stand a chance with an adult woman.


There's no way this is true for all women or all men


I don’t think that’s true for everyone. I’m almost 25 and still don’t have a sex drive.


It isn’t for everyone of course, but on the average the science supports it. Certainly there are low drive people and asexuals and all sorts. I took it as a question about generally speaking, so I answered generally.


Well consider me shocked - i would not expect this to have been the reality of it, I'm actually struggling to believe it to be honest.


Mostly I find that women aren’t comfortable. Either because their partner hasn’t figured out how to make her comfortable or doesn’t really care to. Or because society has put pressures on her she doesn’t know how to deal with and that takes time to overcome. For me, high sex drive is normally something that fades with my partner after several months. Once it becomes more or less an expectation of our relationship I don’t really want to very much. However, current partner we’re going on two years like this. He touches me without expectations, cares about my emotional well being, and as I work more and make more money he tends to handle more of the housework. That kind of respect, something I’ve never experienced before (despite being married previously), and I can’t keep my hands off of him. Every girl I’ve ever known is the same and the research supports it.


Jesus fucking Christ. Six years together. Turn off Reddit, go talk to them.


ask her, she knows better than random people on reddit. but some questions u can ask is what do u want to try? (make her feel like u won’t judge. U can also ask if she feel like something is missing.


If it's 2 months now, you're gonna be real disappointed after 10 or 15 years. Best get some couples counseling and address the sexy time directly or you'll be roommates before you know it.


Give her subtle hints like sweetie can we have sex tonight?


She will say theyrr begging.


My boyfriend looks at me and just says "wanna do it?" It works both ways too when i ask him the same question. Honestly, she shouldn't be the one to always initiate it. She could be waiting for you to initiate it first (i hate that people do this, communication is key). Talk to her and ask if she wants you to initiate more often.


Sometimes he just gets hard randomly and I initiate without him saying anything (I ask for consent 3x, every single time ) Or I'll text him and say "I want to do ____ later :3" Or I'll be like "hey I really want to get railed tonight, in the cards??" Other times it'll be an intimate build up of the little moments and we go at it like rabbits.


TALK. TO. HER. Seriously. Just talk to her. Tell her what you are feeling and ask her what she is feeling and go from there.


Ask? ![gif](giphy|D3OdaKTGlpTBC) It's called initiative, buddy. Take it!


Usually I'll give my gf a finger gun and say "sex?" And we go from there


Just ask. She’s ur girl right?


You ask?


Communication. The answer to 90% of the posts here. Good job hive! But it doesn’t have to always be verbal. Here’s a suggestion I haven’t seen yet: turn her on. When you’re laying on the couch, caress her, with gradually increasing intensity. Nibble her ear, kiss her neck. Give her something to say YES to. Find reasons to be sexual. I have My partner inspect Me after I shave (in a playful way). It usually turns into a lovely orgasm. Be casual with sexual things. Intimate doesn’t always have to mean sexual. Explore her body in the afternoon light with no judgment or intent other than to experience her. Allow her to do the same to you. Become familiar with each other. I’ll often lightly stroke My partners cock while watching tv. Respond to her. If she’s not in the mood, let her be. If she starts to squirm, game on. Good luck, friend.


All you have to do is clean her entire house, cook a nice dinner and watch her favorite movie with some drinks. Works 90% of the time


Advice is take this question to her, not reddit


One. Communication. You have a voice. Use it. Two. Spice up the sex. Aka either involve another into the fun or be open to more kinks. Three. Try to do more date stuff. Make it feel like it's that phase when you first started dating. Four: if none of these work, maybe it's time to figure out your life and move on




hey, babe can we have sex sometimes?


OP what a sweet man you are. You looked at your part on the problem, talked to her about it and worry that you didn’t see the true cause of it. Genuinely, you seem to be a caring partner. Hopefully things improve on their own soon.




“Hey, um, you want to bump middles?”


Sounds like you’ve got it settled, which is great. Communication is key, and it’s uncomfortable to talk about but when you approach it without being accusatory it works.


I guess this is the worst place to say it, but I ended my 5 year relationship because I was unable to communicate this need. We didn't see each other enough over the week, weekends became pressure to do it, and we both just pahesd out. So unfortunate because we love each other so much. The big thing was that I felt she was becoming too self conscious about her body, which made her feel less secure to initiate sex. I on the other hand, a cunt, was unable to pretend that her lack of self confidence was not off putting to me. Ultimately I decided to move on, for better of for worse. Learn from that what you will.


we see each other almost daily, we are neighbors lmao the thing is i do want to have a more living sex life with her but i wont break up with her over that.


I come from a very similar perspective. Been together for 9 years. We go months without proper sex but have plenty of actual relationship moments outside of sex. We've communicated multiple times my needs and she's explained it's not something she can properly provide because of stress related to work. She works 13 hour days and usually is being harassed even outside of work on days off. We are both aware of the issue and we know the root cause of why it is happening. Its hard to just fix something like that as well. I can ask for it or give hints but doesn't mean she'll be in the mood for it and you're not wanting pity guilt sex. I recommend communicating and finding out what may be causing her low sex drive. It could have nothing to do with you physically or mentally at all. In the meantime. Small touches. Flirty communications. And drop obvious hints are the best way without having to ask and feeling like a buzz kill.


thanks for the answer ! i feel like thats exactly what we are going thru these days : she works a lot, i work a lot, we cant really see each other outside of my house/at some friends', so it's kinda hard. plus almost half the times we can do it she's on her period. but yeah i dont wanna make her feel guilty cuz i cant control my sex drive.


6 years and not much sexual attention? No judgment, but by the time I would be with someone for that long I would have already proposed to her or even married by then. Besides that, it seems like there’s a serious issue going on between u both as if the sexual tension is gone or something else. If that’s the case for either or then u both need to talk about it and figure things out. Especially if ur serious about being with her. The last resort is to break up with her, but that’s only if u truly haven’t worked things out.


Not everyone wants to get married. Also, this is not necessarily an issue between them. Maybe she started a stressful job and she just hasn't thought about sex in a while? Maybe she started using new medication that lowers her sex drive? They definitely have to talk about it, how they feel, what they want, but it doesn't mean it's an attraction issue.


Not saying it was exactly but it could be and yes I know marriage isn’t for everyone, but I never understood why be with someone if ur not going to commit to them. U might as well stay single or be FWBs


Imo, marriage is not equal to commitment... Im not married but anyway 100% committed to my relationship.


When ur married u make an oath to be together for better or worse and when things get tough u work it out together. However I think the exception is when someone cheats unless they’re willing to still work it out the props for for them for real. But when ur with someone like bf and gf then there’s no solid commitment as ur building it up to one and u could just walk away without having actually serious consequences.


i already proposed to her. we cant afford the marriage right now so we postponed it.


Ah gotcha. Congrats on the engagement and I totally understand about the money issue. U said “gf” and not “fiancé” so I assumed what I mentioned before. But ya it seems like there could be a deep rooted issue going on whether that’s sexually or something else personally. Idk all the details unless u tell me through DM, but try ur best to find out what’s going on. It does take two to make a relationship work out whether that’s sex or something else and it can be very frustrating too. Speaking from experience.


Do you want me to talk her for you?


no ?


Been with a few women who weren't interested in sex but did it anyway to appease me as their boyfriend at the time. Notice the use of past-tense in the first word in the sentence above. Like others mentioned, you gotta talk about it openly. I am someone that wants it daily, if not every other day, so a partner that doesn't share in that frequency isn't gonna work out. Please don't follow any advice from romantic comedies or drama on TV. Love does not conquer all. Love is quite possibly the weakest and fragile of all emotions. Love can't fix sexual incompatibilities, love will only delay the inevitable of both sides accusing the other of being selfish for wanting it all the time or holding back. I'm married currently, and I argue with my wife constantly, but one thing we don't argue about is whether we're having too much or too little sex.


I would think long and hard *giggity* about marrying someone with a low libido. I could never live in that situation, it seems like a recipe for unhappiness. It's easy to get married, divorce is hell.


She sees you as a friend at this point. You need to recreate the romantic side of the relationship.


Bruh. Make Saturday "date night". Dress up. Celebrate each other, have a meal together and NO PHONES at the table. Watch a movie. Make her feel sexy and attractive with subtle comments. Men are like microwaves, whereas women are more like crock pots.


I went through this. It was me putting in 100% of the sexual effort and my partner putting in 0%. Until i had enough and stopped putting in the effort, and thus we stopped having sex. Just walking into the room and stating you want to fuck sucks. Youve got to do thing throughout the day to make you both excited and wanting for intimacy. Like cute notes, telling her how pretty and great she is, etc.


Just whip it out and say “it’s not gonna suck it’s self” but seriously just sit her down and have a talk with her. “Hun I would like to have a chat about our sex life”


She's exhausted from crazy sex with her other boyfriend. The one with the big pecker.


Whenever you want to have sex just start by kissing her. Throw in a compliment or two and then start making out for a bit and touching to get her in the mood. At least that usually works for me when my bf does that.


My girlfriend just says I am feeling a bit weak. I need a dose of vitamin S. Two and half a years and still this signal works flawlessly for us.


our codename for doing it is "grapefruit" lmao


😅 Just causally be like, "I think we need more grapefruit in our diet."


Talk to her! That simple! Sex is very important in a relationship, it is a bonding time!


I get very hands on and just huggable like if she’s doing somthing like dishes or anything I’m behind her hugging her


2 months with nothing?????? Yeah there’s an issue somewhere, find it and fix it.


Dude. Don't marry her. She sounds like an asexual and you'll regret committing to her for the rest of your life. If she's that sensitive to stress already before marriage, mortgage, debt, kids etc it will be even worse after marriage. Run Forrest, RUN 🏃‍♀️


take you dick our and shake it at her.


Since it is now a quarterly event, you want to slowly reintroduce the routine. try this on a weekend: 'Babe, wanna get a room by that lake and have sexy time? It's walking distance to that new spa' (or jewelry store which ever float her boat). After you make her cum at least twice, don't forget to mention 'hmm, I almost forgot how great sex with you is. Let's do this more, say x times a week! I heard it's good for your complexions'. or something to that effect. We (this sub) all need update, preferably with minute details + pictures. Look at all the upvote..


These comments are giving you too much hope. I'm sorry, but if she wanted to she would. I'm in the same situation and I've done everything i could possibly do, the truth is my gf would probably have sex with me more if I was someone else. You can tell someone you like broccoli, explain what you like about broccoli, talk about how much you absolutely adore eating broccoli, and promise to eat more broccoli, but when you have some excuse every time it's served why you won't eat it, then you clearly don't like it. It's the same thing. I can count on one hand the number of times she has initiated sex, and i couldn't even began to count how many times I've been rejected. Honestly I think I've been physically rejected almost every single day of my life for the past two years. Not even just "no not right now", but a visceral "eeehhh get off". I've gained weight and lost almost all the self esteem i once had. In my last relationship we pretty much had sex every single day, someone's 3-4 times a day. In my current relationship i don't think ever Hever had sex even two days in a row. Do what I'm afraid to do and leave before your self esteem gets any lower, i promise you you can't convince someone to do something they don't want to do. Besides even if she did she would just be doing it to do it, you need someone who wants to have sex and she clearly doesn't want to. And the proof that she doesn't want to? She isn't.


I've been married almost 20 years and I NEVER "ask" for sex. I learned early on that a lot of women would prefer it if you just went for it. In some cases, "asking" for sex is a turn off. Start with the neck or ears, whatever works for her, and just act like you're going to take what you want until they stop you. Just remember, no means no, and don't pout if you get turned down. That being said, my wife makes a habit of letting me know ahead of time if there's some reason for her to turn me down so I know not to bother. You'd be surprised how many women get turned on by you taking control and get turned off by you asking. Your girl might be one of them. One way to find out.


I feel like that's specific to your dynamic. Also, congratulations, you found a partner you're in tune with! it seems you have your communication figured out. That seems ideal. But you also have to remember that OP and his girlfriend don't. Telling him to just take what he wants is an aggressive strategy that could turn out very badly for him, because they aren't currently communicating well. Lots of people get turned off by someone just taking control and turned on by asking. Also, I don't know about you, but I'd feel absolutely horrible if I initiated something while I was in the mood and my partner shut me down. Asking is safer than just initiating something because they lack communication.


Ok, what you're doing isn't working. Don't try something else. /s The guy wants to have more sex with his SO. He asked for suggestions. I gave him one to try.


"Hey, want sum fuck? I got stick."


Don’t marry this girl. Over time you will start to resent her. When you find someone that you click with, it’s such a great thing.


You look her in the eye and you say honey can I lick that nasty pussy


Couples therapy is a great place to learn how to talk to each other about this stuff


Stick her with the pointy end


“Want to have sex?”


If I was in a relationship that went 2 months without sex for a specific reason, I would walk away. Your woman will try to fuck you or at least play with your dick or something, if she is attracted to you. EDIT: Downvote if you are in a sex deprived marriage.


Hey wanna do a quickie? Wanna mess around? Can I eat you out?


Hey, wanna fuck?


You can say it all with the right type of touch at the right time.


Just ask her do you wanna fuck?


“I’m feeling horny” and then hope she says “me too”


“Wanna fuck?”


Hey hunny, want to have sex tonight?


"wanna fuck?"


I tidy up today can you give me a treat


“Hey babe wanna fck?”


You don’t. Be a man and take what’s yours you simp!! 👊🏻❤️


You ask another girl if you're not doing it once at least once a week it's over ask me how I know. Now for a funnie answer put on some Barry White if that doesn't work you need couples therapy ask me how I know.


so you're telling me to end a 6 year-old relationship just for this.


take a shower sometimes!


Wip your dick out and stare at her. I'm not even joking.


Just take it


Wait till she's asleep, save the hassle of rejection. 🤫🙄


Just grab her ass, works with my wife lol


In my relationship consent exists unless it is specified otherwise. So we kinda just start fuckin.


Ask in song form. Any other way is inappropriate.


I'd start with unzipping my pants. The. Pulling out the ol schmeckle and saying loudly "Well it ain't gonna suck itself" I'm not sure how effective this is but it seems like it might work.


“You don’t ask, you wait.” -my female friend