My gf mentioned that she doesn’t want to take responsibility (financial) after marriage. What does this mean?
By - Raaawan
From my experience, this could mean that she either wants to split finances so she only controls what she wants at her pace, so she won't get in trouble if she can't contribute to 1/2. It could also mean she doesn't intend to work unless it's absolutely necessary, or unless she wants to. Ask her how she wants to split things if you guys get married and see what she says.
It’s not about contributing 1/2. There’s always inequity and that’s fine. There’s going to be major spendings that we’ll contribute towards together by splitting based on our saving etc.
I’m concerned about this being a one person lift.
It will. This is a red flag.
For some couples, contributing 1/2 is more an "unspoken rule" that people don't like disagreeing with. In this case, it could entirely be a "one person lift." Your best bet is to call it outright, and see what happens. Some women just don't like thinking about finances, so they'd rather not deal with them.
This likely means she expects you to earn enough for both of you, and in turn paying for the both of you as well.
Whether that's okay for you is something you'll have to decide. In your situation, I would keep finances strictly separate, and if major expenses (rent?) arise that she expects you to pay for by yourself, I think it might be time for the question what her contribution to the relationship will be.
Keep your finances separate, dude...
Best marital advice ever.
Best advice in general. Don't let your friends force you to pay for a bunch of stuff either.
I ain't saying she's a gold digger...
But but she ain't messing with no
Financially unstable gentleman
It sounds like she means she only wants to work if and when she feels like. For more clarification I would probably ask her. But if you're not ok with the idea of her never working again I wouldn't marry her
Sounds like you guys might be incompatible. If she’s expecting you, the husband to be the only bread winner, that’s a fundamental difference in values. She’s by no means wrong in looking to find a husband who works while she manages the household but if that’s something that doesn’t sit right with you then that’s a sign of trouble. She can either concede and get a job and resent you for it, or she can stay home while you work and the feelings would be reversed. I would say it’s akin to when one partner wants children and the other doesn’t - it’s a little tricky to work around. Idk you or your partner but this is definitely worth a serious discussion to hash out both of your feelings on the matter.
She’s less of a household person than I am. I live alone and do everything by myself. She lives with her parents and doesn’t have to do anything in the household.
She does well at her job though. That’s why it got me confused.
You should definitely ask her then what she plans to contribute to the partnership then should you decide to get married. It wouldn’t be fair to you to be doing so much if she’s not putting in any effort.
Yeah, I think you two need an in depth conversation about your expectations of each other after marriage. It kind of sounds like she expects you to be the financial provider in the relationship. If you're okay with that, and having her be the household person, great. But she can't just make that decision for the both of you. This is something you two need to agree on.
It means she expects you to support her financially. This isn't really a good sign. Sorry dude. You may want to have a more in depth conversation about it if you plan on marrying her and not divorcing her soon after.
I have a friend like this, she works now because she has to but her main goal is to be a housewife or stay at home mom. To clarify she also wants help with house choirs and child rearing.
If she gets bored she might work, but doubtful .
Get clarification whether she means splitting 50/50 in order for her to take care of just her own finances or that she wants you to carry her financially.
If it's the latter I'd say this is a huge red flag. Call it a gold digger if you will. Given the living costs nowadays it is virtually impossible to live on an ordinary single person's paycheck. Don't cripple yourself financially over this. It is not worth it.
Holla we want prenup
I would clarify this.
There are times when you just have to have open, uncensored conversations on what you expect or need from each other. Money is a difficult thing to discuss, but it's crucially important to make sure you're both on the same page.
Now you might not 100% agree, but if one person wants to be on Mars and the other wants to be in Philly, that's an important difference to make sense of.
When I was in my twenties some of my friends would appear down the pub, stunned. Their partner had got pregnant. They'd agreed not to have kids yet. She was on the pill yet somehow the contraceptive pill had failed them.
No it hasn't mate. She stopped taking it.
You haven't even shacked up with her and she's ringing all the alarm bells. Perhaps she is the exception to the rule but I suspect not.
in simple terms, it sounds like she want to do the housewife thing whilst you do the money making thing
I mentioned this in one of the other comments: I’m more of a household person than she is. I live by myself and do all the chores. She lives with her family and doesn’t do stuff because she doesn’t need to. But she has mentioned that she doesn’t like doing home stuff anyway.
She is "hinting" that the two of you may not be compatible. She wants to be taken care of and "spoiled". Nothing wrong with that, lots of women and men feel that way.
Now it's on you. Can you accept that situation or not? If not, you shouldn't be getting married.
Been there. If it walks like a duck and sounds like a duck, it's a duck.
My story: Long term relationship, overall positive, SO tries to push me into moving in together despite her not having a job or savings (I did). She brought it up several times and sometimes it escalated into small arguments. I always responded "If I can't work for some reason, like breaking a leg, we're not going to have money for rent. I can't be responsible for both of us. I'm not going to move in with you until you have a steady income and at least a bit of money put aside". Eventually for a short period of time she worked a little (at most 3 times a week), and saved a little money. Later she started college, I still wasn't willing to move in with her but I did respect her for being on the right path.
Turned out to be the right decision not to move in together. We broke up amicably a few years later. Nowadays my ex lives off of social security (even though she doesn't need it), got herself kicked out of college because of her laziness, no job, smokes weed daily. I didn't really think she would stoop this low, but I'm not surprised.
Bottom line: It's a bad idea to move in together when only one person is responsible for income. Also she may be a great person, but there is no good reason for a functioning adult not to be employed - it shows she doesn't quite understand the value of money, and may be accustomed to relying on others for her finances. Even if you two are madly in love, you also have to be realistic about life as a couple. Don't feed your SO's laziness.