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Itchydogdaftdad

I think it's like most things - we're all different. Some of my female friends are rampant, some are less interested. I know men who aren't interested much in sex too.


portirfer

Yep, probably bell curves for both genders. I guess one interesting question is how the bell curves overlap/compare to each other


Baindemousse

Depends on the bell ends


badSparkybad

Aren't bell ends only in the UK?


blackoutmedia_

I'm not aware of Piers Morgans current whereabouts


Alphonso277

Probably near James corden. A bellend is never too far from a cunt.


GlumNature

I'm out of the loop but considering the subreddit we're on anyway, what's wrong with James Corden?


gimmemoarjosh

Apparently he is a known asshole in the U.K. but changed his image once he went to the U.S. Americans only know him as his jolly and happy television host, but apparently, this is not the case at all.


Sevoco

I'm an American and I didn't even know he was well known before the talk show. I only saw him in one episode of Doctor Who. In hindsight it does make more sense for someone well known to get a talk show. Was he like a comedian or a TV actor? Was he in movies?


pbzeppelin1977

He was an actor in plus either the writer or producer of a show in the UK. It was well liked but not a massive thing while at the same time not quite being good enough to be a classic. Ever since he became well known he became one of those people who just stuck his stupid face in anything he could to continue the ball rolling.


buddhabeans94

Asshole or not, i just find him utterly unfunny and annoying af


roleypoleyguacamole

He became quite famous in the U.K. before moving to the U.S. and although quite a few people gave him shit while he was working in the U.K., I actually quite liked him. He was a bit of an arsehole but he embraced it to perfection. After he moved to the U.S., he decided it might be a better move to play it safe by being the happy go-lucky type and not bother anybody with his British humour. It obviously made him quite successful in the U.S. but now I just see him as a sellout without the balls to show America who and what he actually is. He now equates his success with how many places he can show his face. It's a real shame, actually.


KingRalphKlein

>I'm out of the loop but considering the subreddit we're on anyway, what's wrong with James Corden? It's James Corden


nilslorand

ha


Modestexcuse

Or for whom the bell tolls.


themidnitesnack

I’d think that, when two people with similar libidos are compared, the thing that would make them contrast is the “nurture” part of “nature vs nurture”…some people are raised believing sexual desire is bad when it’s not, some people are raised without learning about proper boundaries when it comes to sexual desire, which is also important. It’s def an intriguing subject!


The-Dude0411

What about those who're never taught? How the hell does one fix that?


Hawkedge

Educate yourself on the male and female sexual anatomy. Educate yourself on responsible sexual hygiene. Wikipedia is a friend, and on various websites you can find guides to performing different techniques. Good luck and be safe.


LadyEmaSKye

Is that not basically just OP’s question?


JamzWhilmm

Yeah I'm surprised how this is the top comment at the moment when it didn't answer anything.


InfanticideAquifer

It doesn't say anything, so no one can disagree with it. Hence, popular.


H2HQ

Because it dodges the unpopular notion that men and women might be, on average, different. Somehow that's become a taboo conclusion on social media these days. Remember that popular post last week saying "being equal doesn't mean being identical"? Welp, this is an example of how Reddit tries to push the "men and women are identical' narrative.


BranFlakesVEVO

Did you say 'curves'? Excuse me for a minute


No_Upstairs_9339

Sighhh *zzzip*


Bluntgirlsdoitbest

Some women are super horny but get on birth control (for various reasons not just preventing babies) and then their sex drive can drop. Really sucks.


min_mus

Between antidepressants and birth control, I had no sex drive at all during my twenties. Then I switched to a hormone-free contraceptive (copper IUD) and dropped the antidepressant. Almost overnight, I had a voracious sex drive. I was practically insatiable during my thirties.


snogard_dragons

I’ve heard women in their 30s already have a more heightened sex drive then other times of their life. If that’s true, you got a double whammy


muscratgrrl

It's true. At 35 I (42F)abruptly found out out I was wired like a teenage boy after I dropped birth control. I've always had a high libido, but dayyyyum. Suddenly made sense why I had lot of slightly older female friends who were experiencing a lot of sexual frustration at home with their partners. For some people having a frank discussion and evaluation of where the other persons libido is would save a lot of frustration and heartbreak.


treeefingers

This happened to me, but it was not detrimental. I've tried BC pills and had bad experiences, and I had TERRIBLE periods on the copper IUD. Now I have the Mirena and will never do anything else. I am also on zoloft. It's the first time antidepressants and BC hasn't made me insane...for once, I am improving!! However, I don't have a lot of sex drive. I have *enough,* though. I'm 30 and really don't desire to feel always horny ya know.


PantryGnome

I do wonder though if porn use is more of a male thing. This is just anecdotal but I've heard lots of women say they don't like porn, even if they have high sex drives. Seems like you'd be hard-pressed to find a man who didn't watch porn, unless he was intentionally abstaining.


frumiouswinter

porn is much more targeted to mens desires. I think many women are turned off by the way women are treated in mainstream porn.


Marawal

Or even when they are treated fairly.....bad acting. I have tried to watch porn...the actress usually look so bored out of their mind that it takes me out of the mood immediatly.


jerricka

I just can’t get over the high pitched moaning women do in porn. I like the audio aspect of porn, but the constant moaning in most porn I’ve seen involving women (solo, hetero, bi, or lesbian) is so unappealing and honestly irritating.


parsons525

Im a man and I hate that stupid fake moaning too.


OceansVoid

People think I'm weird because I watch porn with the audio muted, lol.


ralph__wiggum_

Same.


BenAdaephonDelat

Yea lately I've gravitated almost exclusively to homemade porn. Though it's hard to thread the needle between "this was probably uploaded without someone's consent" and "chaturbate bs that technically falls under homemade but might as well be produced porn for how authentic the pleasure actually is"


RusticSurgery

>Yea lately I've gravitated almost exclusively to homemade porn. Jesus Christ. My sleep deprived mind read "homeless porn."


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fujiesque

Yeah I get where your coming from. I found a good substitute is searching for vintage german porn. I don't understand the dialogue, so thats good. The film quality has that homemade feel. Plus the people all look like the people next door and not something surgically supersized. Downside: still lots of incest porn, but not as much. It is hilarious (not what you want at the time) when they yell "SPRITZ" at the cum shot


NefariousDaedalus

Link pls???


SmuttyBookLover

You're right. Even a lot of mainstream "lesbian" porn is still made for men. When I'm worried about the physical and mental well-being of a person on screen I can't get turned on and that has to be very common. Fake moans or not you can sometimes see real pain and/or fear in the eyes and with the facial expressions. I brought this up to a guy friend once. He laughed and joked that guys aren't paying attention to facial expressions. I guess he's right in some instances.


Uniqniqu

But porn for women doesn’t mean lesbian porn. I’m a straight woman and I do watch porn to masturbate in the absence of sex. I don’t enjoy it much because of the reason mentioned in the post above. Plus, they always film porn from a man’s view. Once I saw someone on reddit advertising for her OF and her video was from her own view and oh my god! I’d never been turned on like that ever before. If I ever search for “hairy chested man”, the results are 99% of the time “hairy pussy”. So yeah, I don’t have any less sex drive than an average man and I could watch porn if it targeted me as the audience as well.


mashtartz

Jsyk a lot of straight women do watch lesbian porn because although it’s still targeted towards men, it’s not as jarring as most straight porn.


DakkaDakka24

> He laughed and joked that guys aren't paying attention to facial expressions Oh man, you don't see people tell on themselves like that too often. Guaranteed that dude is horrible in bed.


RodneyRabbit

As a guy, facial expressions and body language are so important, either in porn or IRL. It's the best way to know the other person is enjoying the experience, and that's what matters most. It's not about two people each having their own good time, it's about reciprocating enjoyment and building the experience together. But then again I said this to a few male friends once and they all laughed at me, so I'm weird. I don't watch porn much but when I have done, facial expressions are the one thing that spoils it for me.


PauLtus

Porn generally isn't really a man and a woman having sex but more a woman pleasuring a dick. ...which I feel in turn has men think so much of their sexual value is just based on their penis.


Betty_Bookish

Yeah, romance books/erotica is better then most porn imo. Granted some of that is terrible as well. Lol


srgbski

yes the way women are being treated now, but there was a lot less use her like a throw away, over the last 20ish years it has progressed to slobber dripping gagging BJs, and cum showers in many porn vids that ruins it for me on to the next one


Ranku_Abadeer

Good God, finally I see someone say it. The blowjobs in modern porn look *awful*, I literally feel the need to skip almost any blowjob I see in most porn. It's just gross gagging that goes on for way too long. And half the time I'm watching them and wondering how that feels good for either person. I can't help but judge their blowjob skills, and I may be a bi man, but with the very little practice I have with dicks, I'm left there thinking "I could suck dick better than her."


portirfer

Why isn’t there porn targeted to women’s desires then, or is there?


mankiller27

There is, it's just less common. Since many women don't watch porn there isn't much of a market for it. It's kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy.


mlwspace2005

It's more of a self fulfilling prophecy than anything, people assume they are less interested in it and so make less of it, which draws fewer viewers, which then reinforces their initial opinion lol. Unfortunately a lot of opinions about sexual matters were originally formed in a very different time culturally, it's been hard to break out of the past assumptions because of that.


SmuttyBookLover

I think many women watch porn but I think we're just more picky about it and have so many other options it may not be a default source of arousal for some. I also think we're more willing to pay for "good" porn both that is ethically shot and is also designed to show the woman actually enjoying herself. From the conversations I've had over the years with other women that's the main complaint.


SeeShark

Username checks the fuck out


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vanqu1sh_

I'm a guy and don't watch porn, and haven't done in roughly six years. I abstain because I feel like it just gives people an unhealthy attitude towards physical intimacy.


FMAB-EarthBender

Virtual high-five dude. Many can't stop watching it for good.


vanqu1sh_

High five back, and thank you! I remember the first few months were hard (...sorry) but over time it gets significantly easier, to the point where I don't miss or even think it at all now. Learning to de-condition yourself from bad habits is extremely powerful and I'm trying to apply that in other areas of my life right now too!


Scorpionfigbter

I am a man and quit porn simply because I found it boring. Maybe this is some sort of strange brag, but my imagination is 100x better than anything they film.


FMAB-EarthBender

I had to do the same growing up! I got older and realized it was all really unhealthy and showing a poor depiction of sex, and what it should be. The same drive helped me quit cigarettes and be a better person. I then had my son and now work on being a great mom raising a hopefully respectful young man. I can't stop whatever he finds... but I can explain its not a healthy relationship and its not actually how sex works. Until he makes the decision himself. Good luck and have a good life friend


silverphantom123

I agree, imo it has many underlying psychological effects which is not really acknowledged by people. For me at least, it has had more consequences than benefits. Also self discipline is something that people really need to quit porn and also for many other things in life!


rainswings

I've specifically seen this as being whether porn is visual or read/auditory, I've spotted a lot of audio porn that's aimed at women, and nsfw fiction has long been dominated by AFAB folks. I vaguely remember seeing something that stated men's brains tend to respond more to visual stimuli than women's, but I didn't look into it at all and it could very well have been bunk


thatsnotaknoife

yup i stopped watching porn once i discovered erotica. maybe it’s the format, maybe it’s because it’s mostly written by women for women. who knows! i’m just happy i found it lol


superunsubtle

Woman. I watch porn every time I masturbate, and more often than not, I watch gay porn (2 or more men), for exactly the reasons other women are giving.


Delouest

As a queer woman, I hate 99% of lesbian porn because it's clearly made for men and it's not enjoyable at all as a woman. It's not realistic, it often looks painful and cringy (THEIR NAILS ARE SO LONG, OMG OW). it makes me so uncomfortable. I'd watch more if it wasn't obviously made by men for men.


digital_janitor

Clipping my nails is foreplay. Like Pavlov’s bell. We joke about it.


Pibble1001

I thought I didn’t like porn (I’m female) until I discovered porn made by women for women. Conventional porn is completely targeted to the male gaze. I don’t think it’s a self fulfilling prophecy as such (that’s like saying the reason most Hollywood blockbusters have male protagonists is because women just don’t like films). I think it’s a combo of men being the main creators/controllers in porn for so long (ie glass ceiling) and women’s sexuality being more taboo for so long. As both of these have begun to be broken down more women made porn is being made, so kore is consumed, so the market increases etc. I think given enough time it would even out.


shortdickedman

whats a good porn made by women?


Mojo884ever

You might like /r/chickflixxx or /r/passionx


sunifunih

That’s! Thank you for speaking my mind.


bahumbugi

most porn is produced with a male gaze and objectifies women. i can only speak for myself but seeing those zoomed in body parts is more reminiscent of a slaughterhouse than anything i could ever consider useful as a sexual fantasy.


Marawal

I used to call those kind of porn biology course on sexual organs. Because seriously, it oftentimes feels like it.


almostmoronic

Mine is very dependent on my cycle and birth control pills. Certain times of the month my libido is high but at other times it's non-existent. Not sure if others are like this, but it's probably the biggest difference between men and women (at least for me). Other than that all the other comments are accurate. Edit: holy shit this kinda blew up more than I expected for what it is. Kinda nice to see I'm not the only one like this since I've felt inadequate at times because of it.


violetgrubs

I always know when I'm in my fertile window because of this! Ha ha!!


MagsMiddle

Same here!


Fandina

Yes, same here. I don't take any contraceptives, but since my kid was born, only a few days a month my libido is high, the rest of the month is quite low or non-existent.


BrychuArt

Omg I thought I was alone! I'm the same ever since I had a kid 😭


adriennemonster

I'm the same, but have never had a kid.


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katrover

I ... oh ... so that's why my sister and I are 3 years apart. 😳


kayisforcookie

Oh shit. My second son was born 2 years, 11 months ans 20 days apart. Lol


theneatdude2004

My sister and I are also 3 years apart. Damn


Tempel_Tob

Same here, jeez


meduiza7

Yeah I totally relate to it. My libido is extremely high a few days before periods. It even troubles me sometimes but other times, like around after 14 days of first period, I have zero interest in sexual stuffs and I'm not even on any pills rn.


almostmoronic

Just before my period yes!!


teaqueen54

Ah yes, the the day-before-you-bleed-fuck-me-please phenomenon


sheherenow888

I thought it was the "drop-everything-and-fuck-me" phenomenon


ADS_Fibonacci

I wonder how many are like this too


bangitybangbabang

This is totally me, my horniness level mostly depends on the time of the month. It could be 0 times a week or 15 times a day.


VanessaLovesBurgers

Same.


Agitated_Kiwi_7964

My wife is definitely hornier during her ovulation time or right before her period. Hormones play a huge role from my experience.


New_Direction5231

Do you know the difference between a hormone and an enzyme? You can't hear an enzyme! Ba doom tssh


ifimhereimrealbored

When I went off birth control (after 15 years), it was like a horny bomb went off in my pants. I could not get enough. I remember masturbating in a bathroom stall at work. Repeatedly. I feared I was developing a porn addiction. I was ripping my husband's clothes off before he was even through the front door after work. Absolutely sex crazed. Then, after about 4 months, it tapered off to a "reasonable" level.


almostmoronic

omg same. I went off bc for a couple months not too long ago after about 6 years on. holy shit. unfortunately no SO for relief.


ClairevoyantSlime

my ex said "men are constant, women tend to be peaks and valleys" which seems (mostly) accurate to me cuz I got weeks where everything is at 9999% and weeks where I wonder if I'm ace and have been faking it all akong


TobyCrow

I am pretty low-libido by default, but in the past might be higher on occasion. But now that I have been on a birth control + anti-depressants, what little I have has been utterly snatched away. I remember at one point I was like, 'heck it's been two months since I masturbated, I haven't even considered it'. Even when I want to get a little horny on purpose nothing really happens. Reading erotica or looking at porn is just reading something and generally feeling meh expect for the romance. Not a problem right now, but definitely if I were in a relationship.


nosiriamadreamer

Pretty sure that's due to hormonal changes from ovulating and for some women, getting ready to start their period.


SockPuppetOrSth

Mine changes based on what time of month it is - for one week I’ll be v horny and orgasm like 6 times in a day, and then I’ll not even think about my vagene for the next 3 weeks.


Mech_Bean

How does one have the time to orgasm 6 times a day????


LetsRockDude

Nature. Women can orgasm after orgasm.


HelloYesNaive

How long is it between orgasms?


SockPuppetOrSth

After my first orgasm, I wait 10 seconds for a small cooldown and then go again - repeat x6. So the entire session would take around 45 mins roughly.


CrumpledForeskin

I wish guys could do this.


Krobik12

We technicly can...


tegridyproduce

I think that's just torture for guys after sometime, unless they are into into it or edging


SockPuppetOrSth

It’s one after the other, it’d be like a 45 minute session in total lol


erikaxxxoest

24-female, I really do think it’s similar, when I first learned about it, I did at least 2-3 times a day for months, even now I still usually do 4-5 times a week if I’m not involved with someone.


xpl9511

But what about when you are involved?


erikaxxxoest

Probably still 2-3 times a week, I can’t get there just from penetration, so either they put in some work or I’ll take care of myself later.


olivine1010

Don't wait for later, do it during, and teach your partner what you want them to do. Communicate better and be rewarded with orgasms.


BoxxyFoxxy

Not all women are the same. It takes a lot of time for me with a partner, no matter how skilled he is. You don’t always have the time. I can get myself off in less than 2 minutes, but it would take 10 minutes with him.


BorkinBorkinBorkin

Tbh it's the same way the other way around. Women I've been with don't understand that you can't just tug at it to make us feel good. They just end up tired and we end up with sore genitals. xD


savagejuggalo503

Communication being the key, I as a man would feel slighted with my partner wanting until after.


20Keller12

I could be wildly wrong, but I also think that women just don't talk about masturbation nearly as much as men do, overall.


thatsnotaknoife

seconded, plus it’s talked/joked about less in media. it’s also a bit different because there’s really not a good way to learn how to do it. porn is largely inaccurate and no women (at least in my life) ever talked about masturbating until i hit my late college years and made a great group of female friends. i didn’t figure it out until i was about 23, which i’m sure is later than most, but i was a very repressed catholic growing up. the weirdest part of it was i had no shame about having casual sex, but masturbation totally freaked me out! so happy i worked past that lol


camo6

Watch a show called Flea Bag (BBC iPlayer if you’re in the UK). It’s so liberating and hilarious!


Screaming_Goose

We are constantly talking about sex and masturbation. We literally go with our friends to buy vibrators together. We just talk about it amongst ourselves because women are constantly shamed and called “whores” for enjoying sex.


20Keller12

Okay good point. I guess I meant in the same open, shameless way men do (or can, because no one calls men names for it).


d17203617

Women absolutely talk about masturbation we just do it privately among our girlfriends.


TsirRoderik

I think its different for all women, my ex didnt at all, never had in her life even. My current gf does it often i even got her some toys for her when i can't see her for a while due to work. So in the end depends on the person and said person's sex drive.


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Flugged

My current gf is like this, but it hasn't caused any problems. We still have a very active sex life, she's just not super fond of masturbating. She had never done it before we got together and has only done it probably under a dozen times since. At least that's what she says but she wouldn't have a reason to lie imo. Some people just don't like it.


elephantturtle85

You should to to the r/DeadBedrooms sub, sexual incompatibility can be a BIG deal


Business_Camp807

I don’t masturbate at all, never really have except for a few times. I feel uncomfortable with the act of masturbation. But my boyfriend and I have a very healthy, active sex life


[deleted]

I am a woman, I am constantly horny as hell and masturbate fairly often, roughly 4 times a week if I'm not getting laid. I've always had a high sex drive, as far back as I can recall. I think there's a spectrum for both genders, not ALL women are as horny as I am, some are more so I'm sure, but in my personal, anecdotal experience, women tend to get hornier as they get into their mid thirties through to mid fifties (think cougars) whereas guys tend to start at peak sex drive and slowly taper off (with the exception of the mid-life crisis of course). But there's always asexual folk, and people with a lower drive, etc. What's common, isn't universal. TLDR - YES, I'd say most, but not all.


poIite_turtle

4 times a week... Might be because I'm a teen but those are rookie numbers.


Shadowzaron32

The urge sure does have the chance of puttering out the older you get. I'm 34 male and have gone from daily to weekly to now weeks without. No particular reason I just don't feel it right now


greybruce1980

Not for everyone. I'm 40 and haven't noticed a decline since my 20s.


Shadowzaron32

Edited with this in mind. I mean I'm still horny and trying to hook up it's just not as much of a focus in my mind


ChunkyLaFunga

Right, I mean... I actually was kind of hoping for one...


cfreezy72

Same i used to be 3x a day and now struggle to get 2 per week. Granted I'm a lot busier than i used to be though.


salalsurfer

I was gonna say, I'm 30F and was a horny teen who wasn't allowed out...back then it was 10x/wk, now it's 10x/month... and I think I'm usually just too tired or stressed to be horny. I don't get bored enough. I know its more stress than hormones because I noticed I get predictably slutty and tease my husband when I feel like I have nothing serious to do.


trojan25nz

>I don’t get bored enough 95% time that’s me. Staying up too long and being alone at night It’s only like, 5% of the time when I legitimately have trouble thinking about anything else


VanessaLovesBurgers

I'm 40 and I agree with you.


OverRipe-Cucumber

It's definitely because you're a teen. Masterbated a lot more during puberty. It tapers off, plus life gets busy, and you get tired haha. Add in a life partner to give you what you used to have to give yourself.


[deleted]

Oh agreed, I'm pushing 40, back in my teens it was at least once a day but often more, but I had no actual sex life at that point. I haven't hit the cougar stage yet so we'll see how my theory holds out.


Paolo31000

My dude i was thinking the same thing. I fap like 14 times a week


BenAdaephonDelat

I'm 36 and I have to masturbate daily or my brain goes all twitchy.


trwawy05312015

same, usually more than once


AgCat1340

I'm in my thirties and those are daily numbers lol


Sandyran_

I am a man, and I remember I used to do it three times a day at some point.


QuentynStark

"Me, I jack off twice a day. I don't do it 'cause I want to, I do it 'cause I fuckin' *need* to."


jokkemeister_v99

4 times a week... am I the weird one for wanking on regular atleast once a day? Often 2 times a day? Its probably worth mentioning i have a dead bedroom


p1-o2

No, that's fairly normal. You just have a high libido. It's only weird if you can't function without masturbating multiple times a day if you had something important to do.


glamscum

Atleast once everyday for me(as a 35 year old man) as single..


Ecstatic_Hovercraft4

35yo married, two kids... I have sex average once every second week... And may rub one out once in between... With kids there is no privacy - not saying I have any regrets or are unhappy... But sometimes daddy just wants to be alone when he takes a shit yaknow


peaceloveouterspace

Also age might matter. Im in my 30's, but when i was in my 20's i had zero sex drive, surprisingly. Now that im in my 30's i masturbate at least once a day. Sex drives constantly change all through life.


sockrkek2747djekfjg

Married to a woman for over ten years and our sex drives never lined up. When we cut things off and pI met a woman who was much similar to me, it was mind blowing. I knew intellectually everyone was different, but finally matching libidos with someone who was ready to go as quickly and frequently as I am absolutely made all the difference.


VanessaLovesBurgers

If you're constantly horny and just masturbate 4 times a week, you're not very kind with yourself...


[deleted]

I don't have a ton of privacy LOL. I mean there are days I'll go three or four times and one week I won't at all so I was trying to be fair off the top of my head


PhantomOfTheNopera

Just jumping in to correct a common misconception: asexuality has no bearing on drive / libido or even if you are sexually active. It just means you don't experience sexual attraction.


[deleted]

Oh wow, thank you for the correction!


velozzerraptor

one moment: >masturbate fairly often next minute: >roughly 4 times a week ROOKY NUBMERS!


RiqDee

I'm in my seventies now and my sex drive is as high as it was in my twenties. My libido has extremely high since before puberty. So I fit your spectrum just can't do as much about it now. Sad to say.


weimdocpurple

True. Sometimes birth control and social conditioning will interfere.


MiloFrank

In the 60's they did a study. When you remove the worry of pregnancy, s sex drive basically equals out. So some go wild, some don't. Just like men. Same thing also often happens after menopause. A lot of elder living places are just wild fuck fests.i read about 1 in Florida that you have to notify if family was coming, so they would stop fucking outside. Lol


FapplePie85

Yep. Syphilis made a huge comeback specifically because of nursing home fuckfests. Grammy and Gramps is getting it IN and rawdogging because they don't give a fuck!


TheBlankState

I guess all the boomers are starting to fill up the nursing homes now, they’re a lot less prudish than the generation that grew up before them. They were the hippies, free love and sexual liberation generation after all.


Autumn_Groundhog

Libido is incredibly individual and I dont really believe either men or women experience higher libido than the other. I'm a woman, and I personally have an exceptionally high libido. I have been with both men and women with varying libidos, though arguably none as high as mine is.


IDontReadThePaper

I am honest to God so jealous of women with high libido. I have just about zero. Not only is it extremely rare(I'm talking MAYBE once every 5 years) that I desire sex, but quite often I flat out don't want it. It's not just from low libido though. It makes me very uncomfortable and awkward... Makes it tough to keep a partner happy. EDIT: Thank you all so much for your support and suggestions. Not only is the info helpful, but not once did anyone(even inadvertantly) make me feel embarrassed or ashamed or uncomfortable. From the comments here, it may be hormones at fault, something buried in my childhood, or having to do with not experiencing orgasm during sex. I'm in my mid thirties so there's still plenty of time to work on it and change my outlook. Thanks all for your support!


dmizz

Are you on medication? That can make a huge difference. Also have you discussed this in therapy? A lot of our sexuality develops in childhood and trauma can affect it severely in adulthood. Not in obvious ways as well.


IDontReadThePaper

No medication currently. I used to be, and I've noticed the tiniest bit of difference since I've been off it all but that definitely was not the cause. Just didn't help the situation. I have not talked about it to a therapist, but I have mentioned it to doctors and I always just get "it's normal, some people just have low libido" and when I ask what to do about it, I get the same answer as every damn thing else... Reduce your stress. Ha, yea, ok pal.


fluffedpillows

Was the problem there before you started meds? Asking because there are reports of long term loss of sex drive after discontinuing SSRI's. I can't remember the name of the issue, but there's a whole subreddit about it. But other than that, might be worth getting your hormones screened. If that's all normal, you could just be asexual. Asexuality isn't a hard on/off thing, some asexuals can get aroused once in a very blue moon.


holymotherofbunnies

I want to second a previous comment and say that if you are on medication, that could be the cause. When I reduced my antidepressants (which I took for my OCD symptoms) I basically went through a second puberty. I was horny as hell, bought 4 vibrators and had like a 2 week blur of constant masterbation during any free time I had. Now I've calmed down and only do it like 4 times a week. Before it was maybe a few times a year. And I'm able to orgasm properly now.


IDontReadThePaper

No medication since the last year or 2. Not much of a change if at all. But something I didn't think to mention in other comments/replies is that I don't think I've ever orgasmed during sex. I have gotten myself to orgasm so I know I'm physically capable, but never had the same sense of release from sex. Probably a big part of why I don't desire it.


schnauzerluv

I (female) have a much higher sex drive than my boyfriend. I definitely masturbate more often than he does, and because he is not always as interested in sex it happens frequently. I think women are often not as vocal about it and tend to feel more shame when it comes to topics of sex.


SullenSparrow

I think everyone is different when it comes to their sex drive.


Icylyna

im definitely much hornier than my boyfriend on a daily basis. I want sex at least once a day and he doesn't. I end up masturbating in the shower..its whatever. Easier I guess. But point in over sharing is to show you how insane it truly is to assume or generalize things entire genders do. I think ***most*** aspects of women's lives are generalized and.. i just want to let everyone know that we all have different bodies and habits and minds. (uh also bc this comment is getting random attention i also wanted to say that i *dont* think you're generalizing OP, i just think its an important thing to say for everyone)


marchello12

All these individual anecdotes are pointless as they all could be self-selected outlier cases. We need a poll of like a 1000 random people from the street. Only then we could see what the true average is.


RhombusKP

I don't know how accurate that would be. People in general are reluctant to be honest about masturbation habits. And maybe there's more of a stigma around female masturbation which might skew the results? I'm not entirely sure.


shai251

It’s been done and Men are generally hornier as a population, mainly due to higher testosterone levels.


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TopaztheBigBoss

As a 59 year old female I must strongly disagree. We're just quieter and less vocal.


butt-her-scotch

Anytime I hear a guy saying something like this, I think of that classic Better Midler joke. "My boyfriend Ernie says to me, 'Soph! Why is it you never tell me when you reach climax?' I replied, 'Why Ernie, you're never around!'"


Kephler

As someone who knows a handful of 40 yo females, I also disagree. Everyone is different and it's difficult to put a blanket statement about sex because of that.


sunprincess546

Women actually get better orgasm as we age, just need lube and a reminder of the excitement


SmuttyBookLover

You may be right that many young men and women both have a fairly high sex drive. The key difference is that many young women aren't having good sex (probably guys too, but we're built differently so it just takes more effort for some of us). So even though they want it (and even if they're past worrying about society which does play a huge part), after a certain point it seems almost not worth the effort. At least that was how it was for me in my early-sex years and from conversations with friends it seemed to be pretty common. It was like a hint of what it could be but never fully satisfied me which led to a constant need for sex and more disappointing attempts. Now that I'm almost 40 I no longer care at all what is and is not considered acceptable and I know my body well enough to give accurate instructions without hesitation. My orgasms are so much better than they were when I was younger. If they keeping getting better I'll eventually die from a big O and I'm cool with that.


min_mus

> after a certain point it seems almost not worth the effort. I remember that phase. At least with masturbation, I was guaranteed to have an orgasm. Plus, there was no sweat or mess, nor risk of pregnancy. Masturbation was the best. I've been married 15 years now to a guy who has mastered making me orgasm. Now I'm guaranteed to have the same number of orgasms as my partner does; now I want to have actual sex.


LaLeeTwin

No valuable information to add, but I wanted to say your user name made me chuckle.


Dan6erbond

I clicked and farted so five star rating from me!


DragemD

I clicked and no Fart. I want my click back but take my upvote.


LaLeeTwin

Fart or no. I’m a nearly 50-year-old gal and I’ll still giggle at the mention of farts.


nickisachick

Farts are funny!


red2020

We dry up and it's traumatic. Once we get past that, we lube up and go to pound town again.


morg09876

48yo woman here, as I've gotten older all I want is sex, it's constantly on my mind and the older I get, the better it gets. I get cantankerous if I go without for too long.


[deleted]

As a woman attracted to other women... Yes. Now that I think about it, most people I've been into have had pretty high sex drives. I think it's not super talked about in mainstream media because of the prevalence of slut-shaming and frowning on women who have high body counts (not saying everyone does this but it's much more frequent to slut-shame a woman than a man). I think it's easier to be more open in more wlw centered spaces since there's a much slimmer chance of being shamed for it? I will say, personally it doesn't really apply, since I much prefer building a bond with someone before my libido kicks in. It's just not worth watching porn or trying to focus on a book or staring at my ceiling for me lol. The person-to-person connection is much more interesting. But I feel like plenty of men feel that way too?


Beneficial_Milk_8287

It depends on so many things. Everyone has their own individual needs, but yes most of the time it's pretty much the same.


Bagpuss45

In my experience, women are just as horny as men and masturbate just as much as men do.


Buffy_Geek

Yeah I think that is true, there are certainly a lot of horny women. I remember in casual conversation at secondary school (age 11-16) I mentioned I masturbated & people reacted incredably shocked; the boys talked about it all the time but apparently a girl admitting it was a big deal. After that conversation several other girls came up to me to either thanking me for saying something, admitting they did it too, or to ask questions/have a convo about sexual things. I think it's easier for teenage boys to figure out what feels good when masturbating, while some teenage girls/women don't figure it out til later. Idk if the pressure to not sexually experiment for women causes them to not be as determined to explore their bodies/sexuality, I know embarassment is a hurdle/barrier. Some poor women have an unsatisfactory sex life for years or even decades. If you find out what you like early on it probably makes you do it more. Obviously it depends what stimulates you & how fast you can get off too, the warm up/finishing time tends to be longer for women, so logistically that will affect when/where females choose to masturbate. I've learn as an adults how common jumping pillows, soft toys & even furniture is in kids/adults, I just think it isn't discussed.


Warranty_V0id

It's different from person to person. But if people talk about it, it's mostly jaded with what's expected from them. If you are a dude and in a group of 14 year olds, just try to explain them that you masturbate rarely/never. Either they will make fun of you and/or don't believe you. But it's completely possible to be asexual. That's at least what my youth was like. In the same vain society imposes weird expectations on woman. Overall we like think that our modern western society is so open yadayadayada, but when it comes to sex we are still prude as it can be. Also we basically never talk about death. Anything that is real and belongs to life we keep silent, push away and ignore.


yj0nz

Birth control is why girls lose interest in sex a lot of the time. We like to feel safe having sex too so if there isnt a safe vibe I'm out


InaraKazuma

Yes, because “just as horny as men” doesn’t really mean anything. People have different sex drives, and that’s the end of it. Also, sexuality has been thought of in the opposite way as well- there were times in history where women were considered to be sexually insatiable, and men more “moral” (however, both positions have widely been used to oppress women).


So-Not-Blonde

I'm a woman I do it quiiiiite frequently. At least 5 times a week up to 4 times a day. But I agree it changes with your cycle. When I'm on my low side I do it once a day for at least 4 or 5 days a week.


edging-while-blunted

I go through phases. It depends on what is going on in my life and my head and my cycle and my relationship status and my sex life. So many factors come into play. Sometimes it is every single day multiple times a day like I just can't get enough of myself and then it's a barren wasteland of no fucks given.


livierose17

I think the public perception of female masturbation is cyclical. As in: women don't learn to masturbate because men think women don't masturbate. Or, at least, it's less talked about. But yeah, women (and all other genders) masturbate.


sunprincess546

37 year old female, I’m definitely hornier than my boyfriend. We have sex five times a week but I love to masturbate in the morning or when I’m bored and want to feel happy.


THICCbordercrosser

Honestly most women I’ve met absolutely love erotica, it’s just about the only thing I like in terms of porn so I think women like porn but just in a different form


Literarylunatic

The majority of women I’ve ever know in my lady group didn’t discuss things for fear of being inappropriate but the smaller the group, the closer the gals… you’ll hear the goods. I believe a lot of women have strong libidos but are taught and conditioned to subdue them. Often by incels, ironically.


[deleted]

I think it's true. We all (women and men) have different libido, but all in all, I'm confident that women matrurbate just as much as men.