By - hmad41
*If the sauce does not come on the side, I will send it back.*
*I want garlic bread, toasted, not burnt. If it comes burnt, I will send it back.*
If you order gabagool, don’t even.
I was watching the sopranos and one of them said gabagool. I realized Micheal had ordered capacolla.
No, he ordered gabbagool.
When you hear anyone say Gabbagool you must repeat Gabbagool.
MICHEAL GIVE MONEY FOR GAS
If you don’t have the makings of a varsity athlete, don’t even.
Thanks for reminding me, time for my biannual rewatch of Jon Stewart's pizza rant
And that right there is the main reason why we don’t call it mukduk
Bet his inbox is bursting 😂
I love feminism - but no fat chicks.
I thought him loving feminism meant "I like Women who will peg me."
Yeah, the feminism tag had me cracking up after that whole mess. "I refuse to date a woman who has had sex with 10 guys or more, and it will be on the test... go feminism!" Like WHAT??
Oh, is that what body count means... Maybe all those years of me being obsessed with true crime did something to me because I just thought, well thats reasonable, I don't want to date a serial killer either.
Killed 0-8 people? That's cool, but 9 to 10 is pushing it. Can't handle 11+ dead bodies though.
So you thought he would be okay to date someone who has just killed a single person? Haha
I mean, once could be an accident, 2 maybe a coincidence, but 3+ is a pattern and more than 10 is "busy."
If the salad is on top, I will send it back
If you don't open my bags of peanuts and place it on a plate I will order the entire plane back.
If you don't take your vitamins every morning don't even
If you chose squirtle don't even
I guess I won't even
I told my brother I wanted Charmander and he selected Squirtle...
now I have a lvl 120 Feraligatr and I love him.
If you’re late af like me, don’t even
If you read this, don't even.
Respectfully, I read this.
Respectfully, who should even?
Nobody! He said “feminist” at the bottom. What the actual f*k lol 😂
Fuck, I really liked your name
If you like names, don’t even
Fuck, if I only waited a little longer
If you wait long, don’t even.
If the salad is on top, I send it back.
If the salad is on top, believe it or not, straight to jail.
We have the best patients… because of jail
If you have the best patients, don’t even.
I love this whole stupid thread
I’m glad someone said it, this turned out to be a masterpiece
If you love this whole stupid thread, don't even.
If you love this stupid thread, don’t even.
If you've been to jail, don't even
Can you guys stop boxing me in? I just wanna even, please. I haven't seen my even in two days, I just wanna make sure it's okay and alive
If your guys can't box me in, Don't even.
If you toss salad while in jail, don’t even
So if they toss it outside of jail... is it safe to say they can even?
Even in jail the salads are tossed...
Something about this. Feels ODD.
Yeah. ODD. Not EVEN. If you hate my pun. Don’t even. 🧐🎃
So if you don't want me to even, then can i at least odd???
Asking for a friend
Askinh for a friend don't even, add, or subtract to make it odd
They're a feminist, but only for the skinny virgin girls
edit: a word, bc my phone didn't pick up the entirety of the original comment
Their only feminist beliefs are “going Dutch” and “women should work”
And that he can KO a woman who slaps him bc equal rights equal lefts 🤷♀️
If your rights arent even with your lefts dont even
dont forget women should be able to show their tits on the street
'Against it' is a form of interest.
What? But he's a feminist!! /s
Bro added the “feminism” in his bio😂
This guy: don’t even
Anything outside of his right hand.... don't even 🤣
Why you gotta be bashing on the left?
I'm sure he bashes on the left too dw
DEW* Don't Even Worry
He wants a strong and independent woman that moves like a traditional one.
And heavy metal... What's his pool, like three young rich submissive trad wives down with Slayer on the planet?
I mean technically all that he’s screening for falls into the idea of a independent and powerful woman. Asides the single mother thing, which could just be a dating preference.
Im a single female and I refuse to date anyone with children. It's my preference 😊
There's a good reason I don't have kids, so it's also a hard no from me
Ummm. How does having too many followers on Instagram or how many sex partners you e had have anything to do with independence and power?
How do guys get 100k ig followers?
The same way women do.. by fuckin lots of dudes
🏆🎖🏅🥇 I actually laughed out loud. Sorry I'm reddit poor.
If you're reddit poor, don't even.
Sounded like he was scoping out the flakey influencers pretty nicely. I wouldn’t want to date one either.
Feminism doesn't mean you have to be independent. It's about letting women choose what they want to be. Uplifting independent women but also every other woman
He could have said all this tactfully and respectfully, but he didn’t. So he’s a jackass but could have decided not to clearly broadcast it, so he’s a a genuine jackass.
Don't even... what?! The suspense is killing me!
If you don’t know the meaning, don’t even
How does one "even"?
“don’t even. I’m a waste of time”
"Don't even think about swiping left before you talk to me"
“How’s it going?”
“How’s what going where?”
Don't even hesitate
Feminism. Don’t even
Lol and "meditation". I kinda assume most people that meditate also do alot of self reflection, not this ass-hat.
I think he meant “females” but isn’t very smart and assumed they were the same thing
It’s the “starting my own business” for me, immediately followed by the 100k requirement. 🤣 bruh
Code for he’s currently broke and earning less than 100k.
I was sent with the 'feminism' interest
That was certainly a winner
After the “body count” comment that’s what sent me too. What a clown.
I dunno man, once a woman has murdered more than 9 people, something in her changes
I promised myself I'd stop at 5, but I don't know, there's something special about this guy.
With a profile like that I’m not sure he’s convinced 10 women to sleep with him lol
I would say it's the other way around. His "body count" is low as shit, one of the reasons why he's so insecure.
Gotta have someone to support his dreams!
If starting your own business, wouldn't 100k followers help? Draw attention to your new business?
By "starting my own business" he probably means he is unemployed and bought an overpriced crypto mining rig with borrowed money and he expect the $$$ to start coming. Any time now.
I am glad he has feminism as an interest.
I know! I was starting to think he may actually be a jerk or something!
So then... Odd?
"Want to swipe right on me? Don't even."
Female? Don’t even
Male? Don’t even.
Non-binary? Don’t even.
Mammal? Don’t even.
Breathing? Don’t even
One celled organism? Don't even.
Baryonic matter? Don’t even.
Non-newtonian fluid? Don't even
So, basically, nothing, don't even?? 😆
Haha, I just realized that as a married man, I meet all of his requirements.
This is like the christian bus lady who kept saying NEXT
The: “interests: feminism”. Got me😂😂
I can't get behind the strategy of writing what kinds of people you don't want to match with in your bio. To me, it always comes off as toxic, no matter what kind of people you specify. Anything negative in a bio just instinctively makes me less interested in the person. Why use up space that is designed for you to describe yourself by instead talking about what you hate? You can always unmatch if you don't like someone.
"if you're older than 35" threw me off. This dude doesn't know how tinder works? Just set your age limit below 35 if that's a dealbraker for you.
"Looking for a fit woman with a career, not so into social media, who I can cook with."
Idk about the body count thing, no way to make that requirement not sound icky.
If you’re able to write his bio better than he is…wait for it…
Don’t even 😉
"I would like someone with less sexual experience, because I suck at the sex and I would feel bad if you had other references to compare my disappointing performance with."
Never thought about it this way but that actually makes a lot of sense
Definitely, but even more so if it's physical stuff. You get to choose who you match with. Saying "no fatties" is just letting everyone know you're an asshole.
I would purposely match them just to message, “don’t even what?”
Classic feminist 🙄
Respectfully, of course. 🤔
It’s the feminism as a hobby for me
It’s an interest. Maybe his interest in feminism is destroying it?
Don't even do what?
Honestly this profile feels like satire basically mimicking some women’s profiles
Younger than mid-thirties and make $100k??? Ha! What kind of crack smoking planet does THIS Jackwagon live on!?
He's looking for a professional sex worker...
Gotta be expensive for her to make $100,000/year with <10 customers ever...
Awww he’s a feminist
Well, he knows what he want atleast, i'll give him that
I’m not sure he does! He definitely knows what he *doesn’t* want, though!
Sounds like he wants to be single
I can’t even right now
Am I the only one who saw "body count" and immediately assumed they were referring to people they've killed? 😅
Dare you enter MY domain!?!? 😤
If you pour milk in first then cereal, don't even
I’m with him on the eyelashes part. No caterpillar eyelashes either.
Why list a visual deal-breaker in your bio? If you see something you’re not attracted to, just… don’t even (swipe).
I don’t list those things in my profile. Just agreeing with his point of view.
Nah it’s “dont even” because apostrophes are hard
He wants a partner that makes less than $100,000 and less than 36, talk about limiting your eligible pool of dates. Something like 11% of all employed women in the US make over $100,000 annually. Good luck! I bet the number under 36 is far less than 11%.
No, must make more than 100k but have less than 100k insta followers.
This is the male equivalent of what it’s like for us men on tinder looking at women’s profiles.
Cue the "who hurt you" "nice guy" "incle" insults
I pronounced "incle" like "uncle" in my head
I literally can’t even.
I’m guessing he hasn’t gotten a match yet
6 inches and 3 what?
Body count? I mean…kinda weird he’s into murders but not mass murders. So picky.
Heavy metal mediation sounds like a good time.
Damn. Heavy metal lovers are usually a vibe....
Listen to Slipknot? Don't even.
Fuck with Korn? Don't even.
Ever heard of Disturbed? Don't even.
And feminism? Does he know what that word means??😂😂😂
But he said respectfully! /s
Plot twist: he’s 3’6” tall, but turned it around to 6”3’ and dropped the apostrophe.
Hold up my natural eyelashes touch my eyebrows if I curl them or put on any mascara what is this guy on?? Like it’s all red flags but?????? What’s wrong with long eyelashes?
Its not his fault that he is an alpha 🤣🤣
If you’re a human - don’t even
If you’re an alien goddess from Neptune - pls mommy
Meanwhile, he’s swiping right on every single woman to increase his matches. Then saying “don’t even” as his opening line.
If you breathe, don't even 🙄✋
Oh darn I don’t qualify
The feminism tag is the cherry on top lmao
How are you a feminist with such ideals?
Sounds he's looking for a young, fit, successful girl with no children.
The delivery is bad but seems like a fairly common set of requirements, doesn't it? I'm guessing many girls would want the exact same things in a match.
Of course, for those who enjoy spending time with old, fat, broke single parents, that's just fine too. No judgements.
This isn't any different than when a woman wants a guy over 6', over 6inches, $100k and own his home with a nice car, funny, caring and communicates well.
Yeah and those profiles are dumb af too.
Those women are constantly dragged on this subreddit. And what immediately turns me off from this man is “no over 35s”. Not because it’s a bad standard, but because that’s identifiable by profile beforehand. Just makes him a dick to list all this shit out.
You make a strong point that I have to agree with
And I forgot he has to be good looking and with 6 pack abs.
Dude leads by his height. He feels that entitles him to the rest.