I'm not expecting much but I feel like I need updates

Update - he ate some ass

At least once.

He ate one ass. What about second ass?

I don't think he knows about second ass!

What about eleven-asses? Ass Luncheon? Afternoon Ass? Dinner Ass? Supper Ass? He knows about them, doesn’t he?

I don’t think he knows about any of them, Pip.

Reading this was the best start to my day I could've asked for

You fool of a took!

Sleazy booty, greasy booty..

I wouldn't count on it katanaVx

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MOOOAAARRR?

Ass, glorious ass, 🎶

*shocked, gasping* He wanted MORE?

Apple shape comes flying towards him.

Gimme dem apple-bottom jeans.

And the Reebok's with the straps?

but he didnt turn around and give the booty a slap. He gave it a munch

Mixing ass is like mixing soda. The flavors just get better and better!

From the responses, it may have been his own

It’s all ass at the end of the day. Way she goes, bud

The way she goes

Fuckn way she goes

That's the way she goes

Way of the road bud

He got his own ass handed to him... and he gobbled that shit up!

Plot twist- he doesn’t know how to eat ass and bites

And here i'm waiting to see how many of them is redditor and post this on here.

Women, on reddit? I thought there are no women here.

Shit I best leave...

Oh, I found one ☝️, crazy.

We pop up in the most unexpected places to keep you guys on your toes 😉🤣

Jokes aside, I think every community is more healthy if it is not just 90% men or 90% women.

Update - The ass ate him

He’s now in a ass ception

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Probably sitting on a yacht licking his eyebrows in his profile pic

if a dude can lick his eyebrows and eat ass, I'm in, no homo

He probably passes the rule 1 & 2 of tinder that’s why

Actually tinder is weird I created a profile a week ago and the first 3 days I had 7 matches and 20 likes👌🏼 then I upgraded to gold. So I could match my likes and now nobody likes me :( and the ones who liked me never replied 🤷🏽‍♂️

Its the algorithm.. bumps you up at first to get you excited then takes it away to get you to pay

I’d guess the next update is “banned”. Despite what you may see on here, I think this approach is pretty risky since you don’t know how well it’ll be taken.


Can’t give update. He is chocolate wasted.

Why wouldn’t you expect much? Do you see how many matches that is? This guy is Ryan Reynolds level attractive.

I feel it’s now expected.

Since you’re flex posting you’re legally obligated to show us your profile

True

Double true

Triple true

Quadruple true

Quintuple true.

Sextuple (nice) true

Septuple true

Octaple true

Nonuple true.

K/d ratio .05 Not bad 

He wrote that he had 17 more screenshots, so the kd rate is a bit lower 😂

Dont gotta flex on us with all the matches

In another post he said that’s all from the past 2 years

Well, I have more "years of experience" on Tinder and I can count with my finger the amount of likes I received.

I'm at my all time high of 6 likes rn 🔥🔥 Been on for about 4 years, about 5 matches total lol

Bro.....why not try something different

Like putting in his profile that he eats ass.

Yo, let one of your homies that gets a lot of matches do your Tinder shit. You don't have to be *that* attractive, but definitely need good pictures.

There are certain rules

Ya like 1 and 2

Lmao

I used to complain about this, but after a suggestion from a match, I decided to change the pictures putting only pictures where I smiled. And I came up with a short but funny bio and it worked (i.e. I work in IT and I put "I'll repair your PC for a first date" it sounds desperate but girls used to find it funny). I didn't get thousands of likes but I used to get like 1 or 2 per week that was more than enough for me. And now I found someone that made me delete these apps Obligatory disclaimer: I don't comply with rules 1 and 2

I feel you. Over the last 3 years, I don't even have one like.

Two years!!

there was another post regarding those "2 years" but is another redditor

He obviously follows rules 1 and 2 of Tinder so something tells me it really doesn't matter what he says as an opener, he will likely get positive responses. Some people win the genetic lottery and others don't.

I imagine he followed rule number 1 very well, and this is him not following rule number 2.

“Hi I’m Alex and I eat ass, this is my story”.

coming soon to netflix.

And that kids, is how I met your mother.

My brother's wife is one of the matches. Will definitely need updates.

If your brother doesn't eat ass, he might need to be worried.

Sometimes you just got to send a message

Update... Lots of family news from this!! Meet my brother for a beer, dropped this on him and then he told me the whole thing. Nutshell version... She cheated on him a couple years ago. He forgave and they moved on. She asked for open marriage, he investigated, she took it as a yes. He shot it down she got mad. They were good, he thinks, for a few years and then she cheated again. Divorce finalized at the end of this month. The family has no idea. I am told to keep the secret. FML

Holy Fuck ! Hope your brother’s hanging in there I’m sure he appreciates your support your a good guy

Holy shit the things you’ll find in Reddit comments

But does she want her ass eaten?

make a post about this

Did your brother get married in the last 2 years? OP's matches are from the past couple years.

What a way to learn your brother and his wife are swingers!

"Swingers" Yeahhhh...

And enjoy they ass ate.

This really made me laugh, thanks

or she just cheating on my mans

😬 so much drama in this man’s matches someone’s ex gf is there too wild

I'd say someone's current wife being in there is much more dramatic than someone's ex gf lol

We finally found him. Mr steal your girl

Imma bet that it’s not *actually* some dude’s wife. Catfishes and bots need to get pictures from somewhere after all.

Good lord

This man about to expose some secrets while going viral!

You need updates. We need updates. OP and caramel290.. please don't leave us hanging

You might wanna tell your brother to try eat ass sooner before he becomes ass-less

Fuuuuck this guy is absolutely wrecking homes


How long have they been together? If it’s less than 2 years, might not be as bad as it seems. Lol.

Someone needs this on bestofredditorupdates

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I don't believe you.

Like, maybe your brother doesn’t eat ass and that’s why she’s on Tinder?

RemindMen 2d

That’s no way not at least one of those girls are on this sub.

I think it’s pretty likely no girls are on this sub

Oh I'm sure there are a few

Bro I need to see your tinder profile for science

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Let me cop a look at your profile, can give advice if you want

All you can eat Buttfet

He really said "why stop at one?"

Butt-fed

Lmao that’s my ex gf💀

All of them?

Yes

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YES

Yes man

r/suddenlycommunism

Comrade

Taylor page 2

…And now you share the story of the horrible break up cause you didn’t like to eat ass

You don’t need to flex on us that you have an ex girlfriend

Don't tell her. Dm OP so he can give you updates

Damn bro. She's good looking

Don't you eat ass?

I do, unfortunately she was indiscriminate of who ate hers

So what you’re saying is OP has a chance…

Of catching an std? Yes.

Literally chuckled. I feel like going through with this in any capacity is asking for one in the first place but I haven’t been single in a hot minute so idk how dating works any more, anyway.

😭😭😭😭😭

This is the best thread in the world

Up vote, we need to follow this now!

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Bro you must be gorgeous, so many matches....

Follows the rules

Is rule #1 to pay tinder money?

Rule 1 is to have a big huge thick veiny meaty wallet Rule 2 is don't be unattractive

Paying tinder doesn’t really get you more matches, it’s largely convenience. Yes, you can see who has swiped you, but in theory if you’re into them you’d swipe on them anyway. I don’t put any faith in boosts etc.

"DALL-E, draw me a Tinder match list with lots of pretty women."

This man is clearly following rule one and rule two and I need to go to the gym

Guess rule 3 is to eat ass.

You know the rules.

And so do I

You really just sabotaged all those matches huh?

He’s probably attractive if he’s getting that many matches… and if you’re attractive a lame line can get you with most women.

Yeah it's really less about what's said and more about who said it.

Is he? He said this was several years of matches. I've got roughly 150 if I include all the ones I've deleted due to no response. I don't consider myself to be particularly attractive.

I unmatch a lot when the conversation isn't going anywhere. Didn't really know people kept their matches around even when nothing came of the interaction

Oh really? Then maybe he isn’t that attractive. Idk what’s considered a lot for men but i had a friend that had hundreds in a short time period despite not being all that attractive.

It seems to help if you're in a city. When I spent a few days in Boston, I got like a dozen matches on the first day, and a few each day I was there. Meanwhile, at home, I'll get maybe 1 a month if I'm actively swiping.

Or just genuinely doesn’t care to rush into a relationship of any single kind 🤸🏻‍♂️

I got 17 more screenshots but Reddit capped my uploads at 20 :(

How the flip do you have that many matches?

Rule 1 Look good

Whoah, don't forget rule 2. Don't not look good

Not to quote Billy Joel but…all ya need are looks and a whole lot of money!

Congrats on winning the gene lottery man

Don’t care. We need screenshots of them saying “well come do it” lol

Second post with the additional 17?

Next comes the railing against them for their ridiculous standards.

If he matched with all of them I don’t think OP is worried about ruining a few matches. My dude just wants to eat ass.

Idk its 2022 who doesnt eat ass these days? My motto has always been Live fast East ass.

Post your profile

Reilly, Jonesy, or boomhauer? I can't decide.

All three. Them sperm had a donnybrook boys. Texas style.

Dirty fucking dangles, boys!!

Still don't know why eating ass is such a glorious thing on tinder. Most of these people don't even know what to feel but want the high level shit. Like damn

““You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take” - Wayne Gretzky” - Michael Scott


Dang how good looking is this man to have so many matches??? Send a pic OP

You’re gonna get monkey pox 😢

You're assuming a guy who messaged 100+ women about eating ass doesn't already have it and isn't patient zero.

All this tells us is that you are very pretty and very, VERY bad at being able to seal the deal.

You're going to end up with hepatitis lol

…or a delicious homecooked meal

Pre-digested too

Wow... that is... not the level of graphic I expected today lol

Holler with an update when Zoë responds 👀

And all the girls instantly super matches my bro

That's a bold strategy Cotton. Let's see how it works out for him!

It’s not as cute as you think it is

Please keep updating this thread so we can see the results lmao

Legend.

Man has 20 pages of matches, with looks like that ofc he's gonns get a bunch of good resuöts with that openener

I got this message!!

What did it saaayyyyyyy

Another flexing post good god

It’s always good to have a plan

Do you though?

I would respond “I do too”

I'd unmatch so fast

I wonder how many girls got this as a first message and just deleted their tinder in disgust.

Congrats, you kinda doxxed them by accident to flex your own prowess but then again maybe some of them maybe not be real tinder bios.

Is it just me or half these look like bot accounts