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You could also get a proper bread knife and just cut it in a single pass.
Edit: How are this many people bad at using knives?
Yes bread knifes are game changers, and you can use then for more than just bagels
They're great for cutting sandwiches in half and disassembling corpses!
You need a sharper, smaller knife for disassembling corpses. Cartilage can be a bitch to get through and the twists and turns the bones create, especially at the atlas and mandible, makes flexibility a necessity.
Strength is really needed once you get to the pelvis, as you need to get through the spine to separate the body in two.
Tbf anyone who has butchered any meat (even just a fish) would know this stuff. Breaking down your own meat should be something every meat-eater does imo, because it really makes you respect the animal and the process of getting it to your table. It's also less wasteful if you properly butcher and use all the pieces.
Yeah, breaking down a whole chicken is surprisingly easy and a useful skill to have. Good way to get bones for stock.
Breaking down a pig is like "oh man I have all of these part just a little different, sort makes me thing about the temporary nature of life and maybe I should be living each day to it's fullest and treating people with more kindness... hmm ok now on to carnitas"
People do smell like pork when burning. Fat people smell a lot like hot dogs.
Could argue fat people also smell of hotdogs when not on fire.
I like this thread
Does it count if i do it with my fingers? I mean.. i almost never buy chicken breasts, etc, when getting a whole chicken and cooking it is far more cost effective.. Plus the skin..
The Iceman said the hardest part about disposing corpses was getting through the tendons in the arms
He was using the wrong knife or cutting in the wrong spot. Disarticulating the elbow is a simple as doing the knee. The should is a socket joint so it's pretty simple as well. The wrist is an issue of finding the right spot.
The clavicle can be a bit tricky and tough, but after doing a few you find the sweet spot and it goes through easy.
He was sawing arms in half so the hands weren't attached.
Yeah, that is too much work. Like I said. The wrist disarticulates pretty easy at the radius and ulna.
I dunno man, I'm just quoting a hit man.
I got ya. I'm just filling in some blanks he left. I had a trick for doing hands and lower legs that made those so easy to take off.
Brick Top : You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together.
And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes.
That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".
This guy breaks down chickens.
That’s when you get a heavy meat cleaver.
The best part is this dude wasn't even joking. They said in another comment that they used to break down body parts for a living.
This is *exactly* the face I was pulling as I scrolled to this.
Blunt force for pelvis. Boil it first and it's not as hard as it sounds
i'm kind of too afraid to go through your post history
A fellow writer
I too enjoy human meat sandwiches.
Ah, a fellow Graveyard Keeper.
Yup and we never have to pay for lunch. The second best perk of the job. The best perk has had me fail NNN so many times.
Do people not have bread knives or something?
honestly, it really wouldn't surprise me. A scary amount people are completely inept at assembling food let alone cooking it.
Yup...they work good on bread too.
Somebody (I think maybe the good eats guy?) always said “never buy anything for the kitchen that only serves one purpose”
And it’s a rule my wife and I live by. Growing up we had a corner of the basement for crappy stuff that could only do one specific thing and never got used.
Yes, that's Alton Brown.
Also, it's kinda weird that you grew up with your wife.
Oh, I see the confusion.
“My wife” is the nickname I gave this huge mole on my back. I’ve had it forever.
Bread knives are my preferred way to slice tomatoes!
Not everyone can hold their knife still. Gadgets like this are either bought by people who don’t have better things to do with their money or people with disabilities.
Edit. Or like suggested in some replies by business too - when you need 50 perfectly cut bagels will you be using a bread knife? Yep, I didn’t think so.
This. Some of these “ridiculous” devices are more designed for people with disabilities, but they know that just advertising to disabled people won’t bring as much money in.
Most of the ridiculous devices from old infomercial ads were exactly that. Like the comfort wipe!
I have a bagel slicer. I just suck at cutting bagels, one side always comes out thin or it’s a sloped mess.
A lot of people cut the hell out of themselves trying to slice a bagel.
Just wait till they start putting avocado on their bagels
You gotta hold it flat on the table and slice horizontally. Worked at a bagel shop and you get a nice cut every time and no injuries!
My partner also worked at a bagel shop and told me the exact same thing.
It looks handy. Not to mention that chap absolutely murders that bagel in his demonstration. That is how mine always come out and just proves the point that it is useful
The bottom of this guy's bagel is twice as thick as the top. And it's uneven.
My wife is a bakery manager at Safeway. She bought it with her own money because after thousands of bagels and bread cuts, it eats away at your finger and hand joints. Especially when you also have to Decorate cakes
Yeah commercial use is different to private
Honestly sounds like safeway should be doing something out of their pocket to help keep their employees healthy, but that's capitalism for you I guess.
They have a re imbursment system for Managers who buy supplies for their department that isnt sold in store but needed. Like this gadget shown. Also, fruit slicers for the Fruit Tarts. But things like Replacement parts for Ovens and such are taken care of by the store. They have Insurance and are Unionized
Always happy to be proven wrong when it comes to my cynical bullshit!
I used to work in retail pharmacy. I started having problems with my neck and shoulders because I was on the phone all the time. I asked if I could get checked out for a work comp claim. They said no. I asked if they could buy me a headset. They said no. So I bought a shoulder rest for the phone’s handset and asked if they would reimburse me. They said no.
Fortunately my doctor gave me some stretches to do and muscle relaxers and that fixed the problem. The shoulder rest stopped it from recurring. And eventually I found a new job with a desk where headsets are standard issue.
I used one all the time prepping at a restaurant that sold like 100 bagel sandwiches every morning. Way safer than a knife when you’re working with that volume.
You should probably tell that to the guy who posted the tik tok trying to say a butter knife is better.
I wouldn't buy this for my home, but it would be cool to have at work. I end up using a chef's knife on bagels and English muffins, and it slips from time to time.
My partner is one handed so he uses one of these as he can’t cut a bagel with a standard knife
unless its an everything bagel and then your hand has to hold it down and get covered in sticky pieces of onion, and then if you aren't careful the knife can slip and you cut a hole in your fingernail. Also good bagels don't cut super easily. none of that Thomas bagels bullshit. that's just white bread.
no way a butterknife is cutting a real bagel without smashing it.
He’s not talking about a butter knife, he’s talking about a bread knife. One designed to cut through various types of high quality bread products.
She didn’t spend $39 to cut up a bagel. She spent $39 to cut up *many* bagels
The average price for bagel slicers on amazon is $18-20. Williams Sonoma is the overpriced stuff.
It definitely depends on the item but I’ve found most stuff from Williams Sonoma or similar stores like Sur La Table will be much higher quality than the Amazon equivalent. One example I can think of is stainless steel measuring cups. Had a set from Target that fell apart after a year. My set from Williams Sonoma will last forever.
Yeah they sell quality products. Amazon is the walmart of the internet.
I hate how expensive it is, but honestly getting your measuring tools there and exotic tools like a steak weight are the best. It's all top quality
Bought our chef and carving knives at Williams Sonoma because we could be sure it wasn't a ripoff Wustof. Only about $30 more than Amazon had, and we found some unusual (to us) spices we picked up to try.
Williams Sonoma isn't overpriced, you are getting what you pay for. The word you're looking for is really expensive.
Places like William Sonoma are pretty much a combo of overpriced and good quality. I think their strong point is that even though $25-50 is a lot for the more standard kitchen stuff they have, it’s perfectly reasonable for a nice gift or the occasional little splurge.
Things can both be high quality and overpriced. Like Apple products (and I say this as a huge Apple user/fanboy)… their quality is indeed high, and I’m willing to pay for it… but boy does the price point still sting. Like, if their prices were 10-15% lower, I’d consider that a fairer price for the quality/features offered. At that price point, they’d still be expensive, but no longer overpriced. But they know they can gouge me a little extra because no one else gives me the features I want.
I can't speak this particular item but it is very easy to find William Sonoma overpriced items
Stuff on Amazon will generally be of poorer quality
Got mine for $12 Canadian - that’s like $8usd.
Also means my kids aren’t playing with knives and can make breakfast themselves if I’m slow to come down stairs.
I bought a bagel slicer that looks just like that for maybe $15. It works perfectly. When I tried doing that with a bread knife, it was always fucked up and wouldn't fit in the toaster well.
What grind my gears, it's price. It's not 39$. It's 40$
FFS, am I only one that read price 40$, not 39,95$?
He didn’t spend $1 to cut up a bagel. He spent $1 to cut up many bagels
I think I read somewhere that accidentally slicing open your hand while cutting a bagel is one of the most common injuries that comes through ERs. So I could see why someone might want this.
Also for people with disabilities, this would let them cut their own bagels
Kids too. We had one of these in my church growing up for a dozen kids cutting bagels mostly unsupervised.
Even then don't pay $40, get an offbrand for 1/4 the price.
Aside from all this, the bagel slicer produces consistent thickness for both sides, which will yield better results for those making a sandwich with them.
Also just a lot better for eating. Self slicing can lead to a lot of thin side vs fat side and I'm willing to pay for some consistency in my bagel experience.
>people with disabilities
For three years, I’ve avoided Costco bagels due to a car accident fucking up my hand coordination. Next pay check, this little miss is going to be buying a bagel slicer!!!
Not a $40 one though… that seems a bit much for a bagel slicer…
Just found one for half the price on my first Amazon search with 16k reviews. I know not everyone shops there, but yeah there’s definitely cheaper options!!
Do get a nice one though. The one my uni had just smashed the bagel, it did not have a nice edge on it at all.
From my experience any communal item at the uni no matter how expensive just turns to shit because no one ever cleans it
This. This entire video is just another episode of "if you don't understand why it exists, it wasn't made for you"
There are plenty of people who have little to no fine motor control in their hands who likely would use this.
that, and did you see the bottom to top ratio of that bagel he haphazardly sliced. hope someone likes a mouth full of cream cheese every other bite and a mouth full of bread for the other half.
> people with disabilities
So many people forget quite a few gadgets, kitchen or otherwise, are made with less abled people in mind.
A girl I was dating cut her finger to the bone trying to slice a bagel. I bought her that bagel guillotine thing as a half joke, half finger-saver. Now we are married, and she still has all of her fingers.
Man, your wife was really *committed* to slicing that bagel. I respect that.
Well it depends if she finished cutting the bagel or bail have way thru do to injury.
This guy fingers
I think bagels were number one until avocados became big.
And then people discovered bagels with avocado on them and no fingers were safe.
Millenials are ruining the bagel finger slicing industry with their avocado obsession
It’s avocados, but I’m sure it’s happened with bagels too.
Can confirm, did it to myself with a butter knife. Now I use a cutting board. Lol.
A *butter knife*?! What kinda butter are you knifing?
Probably the kind with like the tiny serrated edge as opposed to one that’s just blunt and flat. Serrated knives are good for slicing through soft, fleshy things.
I mean, if you can get a paper cut from cardboard then you can cut yourself with a butter knife.
Apparently paper is actually “serrated” on like a microscopic level! That’s why paper cuts hurt so much. Imagine a cut with a very sharp straight knife vs a cut with a serrated knife. The straight knife would be a clean slice but the serrated knife is sort of ripping through your skin, doing more damage and causing more pain. Paper cuts do that on a teeny tiny scale so they hurt more than like if you accidentally knicked yourself with an exacto knife or something.
I think I saw the stat with bagels like a year or two before avocados started being like the “cool” thing to eat and then again more recently saying avocados were #1. The general lesson being don’t cut things in half that you’re just holding in your hand.
My boss (a chef) told me that at a previous restaurant he had a cook try to cut a frozen bagel with a knife and proceeded to cut his thumb off.
Cutting any frozen food can be dangerous since the levels of resistance can vary as you slice through. I worked at a poké restaurant and had a few accidents prepping frozen fish.
That’s the most upsetting part of this video. He cuts *towards his hands.*
You’re supposed to put it flat on the cutting board, put one open hand on top of the bagel, and cut through the bagel with the bread knife in that position.
I get he used a butter knife but it’s terrible bagel slicing technique to demonstrate, and a horrible slice at that leaving him with two sad disproportional bagel halves.
A kid I went to highschool with had a promising baseball career ended when he severed some tendons in his palm this way. His dad and brother were both in the MLB. Would be sad if he weren't one of the bigger pieces of shit I've known.
Yikes. That’s the kind of little mistake that haunts you. “What if I just hadn’t tried to make a bagel that day…”
My football career was ended by sticking my hand through a table saw, and also my lack of anything even in the ballpark of athletic ability.
Plus, his form is terrible. Never cut towards your skin my friend...
Most of these 'gadgets' that are debunked are either made for people with accessibility needs, or for industry use...
Yup, came to say this. Usually when people make fun of products that seem unnecessary they actually don’t realize those products aren’t meant for them and that not everyone has all the motor abilities they have.
Exactly! When I try to cut a bagel or something like that, I end up crushing it
I have one someone gave us because we eat a lot of bagels. If I am just going to cut one bagel I use a bread knife but if we have folks over and lots of bagels, I put it out and it cuts them super quick and safely. It was less than $20. I don’t get why Reddit is so against it.
> I don’t get why Reddit is so against it.
Because we hate things we don't understand.
Also that bagel cutter is meant for actual bagels you get a bagel shop. You can tell the bagel dude cut is a pre cut bagel lmao
Anyone who thinks they can cut a bagel properly with a butter knife ain’t had the good bagels
“What a dumb invention just use a butter knife”
*Proceeds to butcher a bagel*
I’m surprised he didn’t do a second recording.
Yeah, that was my thought as well. Maybe I'm just more picky about my bagels. For reference, I don't have a bagel slicer and use a knife for this. I probably take 5x as long as he did too
No way that ends up even if you throw it in the toaster.
Right! Buddy absolutely savaged that bagel
Maybe that *was* the second recording.
Right? This convinced me I need the bagel slicer even more.
Exactly what I was thinking! You can also tell because it comes in a plastic sleeve of 6 and not in a brown paper bag 😸
For REAL. Proper bagels have a nice crust on them that a butter knife can't get through. And they for damn sure don't come in bags from the grocery store.
Umm where can I get these mystical bagels you speak of? I live in a major city in the South (USA) and I've only ever seen the plastic bag ones you speak of..
Go to the bakery they will have the good stuff there.
A proper bagel shop will have paper bags. I'm from Houston, and we still have a few around here
What city are you in? They're hard to find outside the northeast, but some cities have specialties shops that do pretty good bagels.
he cut that bagel horribly
It was presliced too. 3/4 of it was done and he still mangled it
$39?? Wtf are you people talking about.
Homeries Bagel Slicer, Perfect for Bagels, Safe Grip, Guillotine Cutter, Safety Shield, Stainless Steel, White https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07GY2463F/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_6ZXKFF10H2Z5ZVGEY38V
There’s an even cheaper one I got that works great! It was $6 or $7
That's the first thing I noticed. Everything is stupid expensive from Williams Sonoma.
Williams Sonoma is stupid expensive. Check out these pot pies: https://imgur.com/a/xFcqcm3
Products like this seem dumb, but they're a godsend to the disabled. They're usually not explicitly marketed this way, but if you think about it, as-seen-on-tv gadgets' ads are usually seen by old and disabled people who spend a lot of time on front of a TV. So, any time your see a stupid ad for something that reinvents something like this, imagine how someone not so able-bodied would receive it
I’m not doggin the guy but have you guys actually had a perfectly sliced bagel? Like evenly thicc, no torn up middle, and strawberry cream cheese spread ever so perfectly toasted halves? It hit different
Worth noting he pulled the price from famously overpriced William Sonoma. You can get one for $20 at Bed Bath and Beyond. $16 if you do their membership thing.
$20 for perfectly cut bagels isn’t really absurd. Especially if you toast them.
Williams Sonoma isn't overpriced, you are getting what you pay for in terms of quality. The word you're looking for is famously really fucking expensive.
I mean, the way he cut it looks like shit but still justifies not paying fucking 40 bucks for a goddamn bagel guilloutine
Well no one here was going to buy it but now that's its labeled a ***bagle guilloutine*** I think I need it
You both spelled it wrong
Off to the gilloteen with this one!!
I’ll bring the baggles!
Actually, watching him cut that bagel so shitty made me want to buy this thing.
I never even knew a bagel cutter existed before this and now I want to buy one out of spite because of his over the top attitude and shitty knife skills.
I bet he works for the bagel guillotine company and this is some sort of guerilla marketing.
This guy is gonna get hurt cutting bagels this way. You should never hold something in your hand and cut it towards your body. Also, butter knives can be dangerous if you have a legit bagel with a tougher skin to it - they’re dull and dull knives are the most dangerous.
I read once that bagels cause an inordinate percentage of kitchen injuries a year! Be safe out there soldiers
Not to mention that shitty grocery store bagels are going to be much easier to cut than a proper, fresh, chewy New York style bagel. They're basically just circular bread.
Ok I would argue that the whole “dull knives are the most dangerous” trope is about unsharpened kitchen knives, not knives that are meant to be dull. But I totally agree with you otherwise!
My uncle actually severed a tendon in his hand with a butter knife doing something similar. They are just sharp enough to do damage to a human but not sharp enough to do anything except spread butter and other soft toppings
they cost like 5 bucks at walmart i think.
I think this alone justifies it: https://www.newyorkerbagels.com/blogs/bagels/bagel-safety-don-t-be-an-er-statistic
Its only $40 too. It's not outrageously expensive and if you eat a bagel everyday then it would be worth it. People buy shots at a bar for $40 in one night.
That's also the most expensive place to get one. I've seen them at bed bath and beyond for less than $15
It's also closer to $20 than $40 in most places. The guy obviously showed the most expensive one he could find and it's clearly not the same one in the video (grey/black vs. white). With that said, I'm not about to spend $20 on a bagel slicer, but I can see why someone would if they ate a lot of bagels - especially if they had a big family.
Overall, who fucking cares what people decide to spend a relatively small amount of money on. It's probably unnecessary for most people, but people spend money on stupider shit.
Like people in here acting like it's a rolls Royce's. And dame people complaining I 100% guarantee have spent more money on something others think is stupid and even less practical.
Thats also a presliced bagel hes got. All you are doing is cutting the last little bit. If you had unsliced bagels itd be a lot harder to do with a butter knife.
Gonna disagree here. His slicing isn't too bad if you will just add cream cheese, but the slicer leads to a much better experience when toasting the bagel.
See that is the about specialty kitchen gadgets, if you use them a lot they are totally worth it. I don't need a thing to remove the skin off fruits but if I made a lot of fruit pies, jams and such I would be down. I feel like these videos where people react to stuff assuming it's not need or bougie is so over done.
Should also be pointed out that a lot of these types of gadgets are very helpful for those with disabilities. Say someone has one arm. I could see this being helpful to someone like that who just wants to enjoy a bagel, but may be limited in their ability to do so.
And if they were actually *marketed* for people with disabilities, chances are either the product would end up being more expensive or they wouldn't enough sales from the general population, or both.
Yah, they'd be pretty dumb to market it to just people with disabilities. I have no idea how many people it is, but there are people who just enjoy buying gadgets like this.
I feel like that's why a lot of these gadgets end up in the As Seen on TV store. Snuggies were made for people in wheelchairs: blankets kept getting stuck in their wheels, robes couldn't keep their legs warm. Egg openers are for people with one hand who want some eggs, etc. The problem is that their target audience probably isn't enough to keep those products afloat, so they promote it to the average Joe. Also might have to do with taxes, if I had to guess
It’s not for me, because I don’t eat bagels regularly. But first thing in the morning, shaving half a minute off and getting perfect slices, well it’s the best thing since bagged bread.
Also if you don't eat bagels too often or you don't live close to a *good* bagel shop (as you would in NY/NJ) you could probably just buy the precut Thomas brand bagels.
How did it take him to long to cut a bagel?
And how wonky and uneven was his cutting? If only there was a device that could help him
Nah not wonky it’s rustic
It took two long too cut a bagel because of how.
My wife is a bakery manager at Safeway. She bought this with her own money because you can cut yourself with a blade (were talking hundreds of bagels) and the auto cutting machine hust doesnt do it right and gets dulled fast due to the shit blade material
The lack of Jews in this thread is showing. Sandy Cohen would be sad
If you listen to Welcom to the OC, Bitches podcast, you find out that Peter Gallagher actually swiped the bagel cutter from the set.
The mere idea of buying a bagged bagel hurts me deep in my soul.
If it's not a bagel from a shop, it honestly ain't worth even buying. I'd rather just bake bagels myself. Bagged bagels straight up ruin everything good about a standard NY bagel. Or any bagel in general.
Found the New Yawkers. Not everyone lives within walking/driving distance of a bagel shop you yutzes! 😂
Dude, I go through 20+ bagels a week. Probably closer to 25+.
I have bought good bagels, all the way from Montreal.
I have bought still good bagels from a local bakery.
I’m not paying $3+ per bagel when no one is going to really enjoy them and instead scarf them down before running out the door.
I’m buying them from Costco in bulk at .50 a bagel and tossing the extra in the freezer, and being thankful I can do that.
I will appreciate a good bagel when I get to have it, but 99% of the time it’s the cheap ones which are still better than the freeze dried crap from Tim Hortons.
That’s too many bagels.
Family of 5, 3-4 bagels per morning, 6 days a week most weeks.
My in laws just moved in with me, so probably go through more now.
That’s why I buy the cheap Costco ones
Ok but when I use a knife my bagels end up crazy uneven. Like a 2/3 chunk with a skinny hat. Terrible.
Isn't he just trying to copy the other guy, but worse?
Part of the charm of the other guy is he doesn't talk as well.
Way more effort to be way less funny
Neither are funny though
I'm more curious as to why she posted a video of herself slicing bagels. Was she reviewing the product or did we reach a point where we're all so thirsty for content that literally making breakfast can now be videos that people make and get views on?
Maybe she just thought it was a neat gadget and made a video to share with friends? Lol.
Redditors are obsessed with WHY WAS SHE FILMING and WHY WOULD SHE POST THAT meanwhile they're posting any dumb thought that crosses their mind on this stupid website
So utterly based
Redditors constantly forget that people have friends and aren't doing everything for the amusement of the comment section.
I thought it was neat. Might snag it for secret Santa. It’s $20 on Amazon, not sure what site he is looking at.
Williams Sonoma, lmao. They're well known for jacking up prices.
Something about this guy is annoying af
I usually just rip it in half with my fingers.
...that works too
It’s kinda cute lol. You can get a $20 one from Amazon. Or just get a bread knife. But I like kitschy stuff like this lol
I love that Aaliyah shirt!
Bagels are cut uneven af by hand