I am not married yet but yeah my parents wouldn’t be cool if I married a non Somali. Again I am a man and it’s my choice however even myself I am not comfortable marrying outside. I love my people and that’s how it will be. The banter, culture, deen you name it I am happy with the commonality and I wouldn’t change it. But all and all this is just my take and it really comes down to calaf.
Yep. My parents wouldn't like it either, but we have a healthy boundary so they understand it isn't their decision. I can and do take their advice, but if I want to marry an ajnabi girl, I'll do it.
It's all calaf in the end.
My old man used to talk a good game about being open and accepting of people from all cultures, even citing 49:10 and 49:13 to underline how tolerant he is.
Then my sister started talking to him about a Ghanaian fella (Muslim) she'd been approached by, and he threw a fit and damn near disowned her. Turns out, he really likes the idea of being tolerant a lot more than he actually wants to *be* tolerant.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 MashaAllah at least he pretended to be open minded.
Also it’s usually the Hooyo’s that are super adamant about being with the Somalis. Somali abos tend to be more open minded but they all prefer their own ppl.
Married an Indonesian, while I was fairly young actually. They didn't mind it in the end. There was obviously some initial hesitancy but once they got to know her, it didn't seem that far fetched of an idea to them. Granted, I'd known her since I was about 16 though.
Well I did. Was married to a non Somail for almost 7 years. The marriage produced two kids. Of course my family wasn’t happy about it but they accepted the kids. Looking back I honestly don’t even know what drove me to do it. I always saw myself marrying a Somail guy. Never really had any interest in outsiders.
So, you regretted your choice of marrying a non Somali? Do you mind sharing what ethnicity he was? And what would you do to encourage those that are thinking of marrying reverts, Arabs, or any other race?
He was African American. I would say the culture difference was a big adjustment. I always envisioned that I would marry a Somail man and be a traditional Somail wife. I can’t really say I regret it since I now have two beautiful children that I adore from that marriage. Also language was another thing. For almost 7 years I pretty much only spoke English. Our almost 6 year old only speaks English. I would say follow your heart. Don’t be close minded.
I really appreciate your honesty sister! Thank you for sharing! Was he a religious man? Because I think when someone is religious in deen and is open minded and easy going then generally the culture difference is not really a big issue. Would you say that to be the case? Like I’m open to this very religious Jamaican revert, but I just don’t know my mother reaction to it. She’s very religious and is very young early 20’s.
I wouldn’t say he was religious but he did pray five times a day and fasted during Ramadan. I meant our culture. The typical things you find in a Somail household was missing.
Fine? No.
For my folks it's a matter of being able to relate to my future husband and children culturally and linguistically.
But would they begrudgingly accept a non-Somali? Yes.
In our community and extended family there are more and more interracial couples who don't fail more nor succeed less than full Somali couples. So, they've realised that a happy married life and a healthy relationship to their future son-in-law isn't determined by him being Somali.
Me on the other hand has gone in the opposite direction. From being open to all cultures in my 20s (LOVE IS FREE!) to becoming a close-minded bigot at 30 (LOVE IS SOMALI!) 😂.
I've seen how friends and acquaintances who marry outside of the culture sacrifice a lot of their soomaalinimo in their marriages. Language, culture, physical connection to Somalia.
But then again, those among my friends who are most successful in their interracial marriages weren't that attached to the Somali aspects of their identities or the Somali community to begin with. In that sense I don't think they feel they've sacrificed anything.
I want to be able to immerse my future children in soomaali sounds, pictures and people. And it's naïve to assume that this will be as successful in interracial marriages. Even something as simple as being active in a Somali community gets complicated when your spouse is a foreigner and kids bi-racial.
Rather than ask what will my parents think (parents tend to come around when there are kids in the picture they can grandparent, even if they are mad at the offset), ask yourself what sort of life do I want? How important is it to me to preserve my Somali identity for myself and my children.
My parents have said they would only accept a Somali woman, tho I think they'd be ok with a an Ethiopian or Eritrean woman if I pushed for it.
If I brought home a white American or African American I would be disowned.
Dad is mom isnt. Though two of my siblings have married out and the connection my parents have with those grandchildren is terrible. Even when they are at the household its like they feel uncomfortable. That's kinda put me off the idea. Besides I'm planning to move back insha allah, which won't really be possible with a non somali.
Eh, they said they'd be OK with me marrying any man as long they were muslim. The thing is I almost always ask them if east Asians are on the table, as a joke, and they sort of laugh me off. At this point, I think they just want me to get married, period.
I'm not married, but insha'Allah one day. My folks don't mind me marrying a non-Somali, so long as it is someone who is Muslim.
They don't mind it, but they would obviously prefer someone Somali. It's then easier to get along with the in laws and also for the grand kids to pick up Somali, so that they can then play and joke with them in Somali.
All my siblings married non somalis (they didn’t go out of their way to avoid somalis, it’s just how things turned out to be).
My parents would throw a fit if I did the same though. They want at least one set of grandkids that are full somali 😂
My biggest fear is how much of a connection would half Somali children have to our people culture and country? Most of the half Somalis I’ve met don’t identity as a Somali or socialize in the Somali community.
I’m planning on taking my half Somail kids to Somalia next year. I’m actually planning on keeping them there for awhile so that they can learn our culture and attend daily dugsi.
You’re not just Somali though, you’re a whole person with a lot of facets to your identity. I’m not saying you need to downplay being Somali (oh hell nah lol) but you could meet someone who’s not Somali that is far more suitable for you as a whole than any other Somali woman. 🤷🏽♀️
I can understand having a preference for a Somali person (I definitely do and always did) but it doesn’t mean you have to rule out others.
To be honest, they would have preferred any kind of Somali by a mile, and they weren't shy about expressing it. Alhamdulillah, they're reasonable and willing to judge people as individuals though.
They're definitely taking a harder stance on my younger siblings though.
So yeah, but just barely.
They’d prefer it by far but it wouldn’t be the end of the world if I didn’t.
I will be marrying a Somali guy though but had I been in love with a different culture, I’d marry them too.
You are an adult and its none of your parents business who you should get married to. Yes they can offer you their opinion and advise but dont allow them to use threats, guilt and manipulation regarding any decision that is personal to you. Its your life, make wise decisions.
No I’d have family issues and It would displease my mother but alhamdulilah I’m only interested in somali women especially after thinking deeply about the whole subject of interracial marriage. If you think of it, if I was to marry out, I’d indirectly unsubscribe from my somalinimo and lineage in a way even though my kids would take my qabiil but that’s besides the point. Mixed kids normally hold no loyalties to their respective lineage and so they’d more than likely marry out and essentially before you know, the somali lineage has been diluted so much that it is no longer present. I wouldn’t wish that on me or any one else. I’d rather preserve myself and avoid getting disowned
Would my parents get over it if I pushed? Yes.
Would they let it be known that they dont apprive? Yes.
My father always says religion and character are the most important things, but sometimes people's culture direct their morals and expectations (which if we're being honest..is very true). They'll say it's a risk. They'll also say that they would never feel fully comfortable with that person as they would with a somali son-in-law. .
But if the person was super cool, respectful of themselves and to my family and had very good character, they would be fine.
No not really. My hooyo has recently started joking that I’ll have to date out since I’m an atheist but she knows I only stick to Somali men.
Both of my parents would be disappointed if I brought home a non Somali. Especially since most girls that have done that in my community have not brought home top tier men
No they don’t care. My parents are somewhat religious I know the rest of my family is too but they’re also educated, worldly and not insecure. My parents do laugh when I occasionally say bismillah
Idk how to tell u this lmao but almost no somali man is marrying an atheist. No somali family is allowing that nor would the guy himself do it. We are 99.99 percent muslim and stick to our religion
There’s a lot of Somali atheists lol, I have met many, both young and old, male and female all around the world.
They just wouldn’t tell you straight away. You probably have never heard of anyone because you most likely give off judgemental or ignorant vibes.
Why do you think of it as a choice? You don’t need to choose, you can always keep both. The love you have for your family isn’t mutually exclusive with the one for your wife/husband.
Getting disowned isn’t a choice- hmm it kinda is if you know your parents don’t like the idea of ajanabis. Setting yourself up
I was just sayin that’s what occurs when parents aren’t accepting of marrying ajanabis
I don’t think anyone’s parents would disown them simply because they married an ajanabi. I think it’s just bs sheeko. I know plenty of Somali people married to ajanabi, even non-Muslims etc and whilst it wasn’t an easy thing for most of them, I don’t know a single person that actually got disowned.
I think Somali parents talk a lot but when it comes down to it, they’d never ever disown. We’re far too family oriented for that.
Setting yourself up? Don't put the bad behaviour of parents on their children. If you disown your child for who they choose to love/marry, you are a shitty parent. End of. I feel for people who are in this situation. It's not easy.
I don’t know you and I could be wrong but I feel like your parents have put fear in you to keep you in check bc they’ve sensed that you fear losing their love if you ever step out of line.
A lot of Somali parents, especially mothers do this.
They’d never have the heart to actually disown you though. (It is actually a big sin Islamically to cut blood ties)
And as much as you love your parents, don’t let fear and their manipulation tactics control you. Trust me, this is very important for your future. Especially if you plan to have kids and a wife.
Nah I honestly think there’s some truth in what they say about marrying ajanabis. Bccc most of the stories I’ve heard💀 yea I’m good 100%. Anyways I want to keep our dhaqan alive & I have no interest in ajanabis. There are also plenty of good somali men out there, I don’t see any point in searching out… I believe our parents come from a good place & want to protect us.
Nah I’m not saying whether or not you should marry ajanabi, that’s not my business lmaooo 😫
I’m just saying that generally speaking if you or anyone else chose to, they shouldn’t worry about getting disowned bc Somalis don’t really move like that.
Tbh, there's a hierarchy:
1)Isaaq men
2) Somali men
3) Muslim men
4) Non-muslim men
I'm a gaal and they'll be lucky if I bring home a man and not a woman.
😂😂😂😂
Don't get it twisted. They have never verbalised it but I think most people prefer their own clan if everything else is equal. My sister brought home a Hawiye guy not too long ago and apparently my father made some weird comments. 🤷🏾♀️
I don’t think so, when I was young I knew this and thought I would be rebellious and as such date a non Somali.
It was not fun, did not last long. Too many culture conflicts, she drank alcohol, biggest deal breaker, was worried if we get married for my kids. Would they be Muslim and learn about their culture. Too many issues.
I decided in the end that I would like to marry a Somali if possible as my values align there.
Yes, and I agree with them. We’re a minority in the west and finding a girl with all the qualities you’re after is way harder than just saying ok I don’t actually care about ethnic background which makes things way easier.
I am not married yet but yeah my parents wouldn’t be cool if I married a non Somali. Again I am a man and it’s my choice however even myself I am not comfortable marrying outside. I love my people and that’s how it will be. The banter, culture, deen you name it I am happy with the commonality and I wouldn’t change it. But all and all this is just my take and it really comes down to calaf.
Yep. My parents wouldn't like it either, but we have a healthy boundary so they understand it isn't their decision. I can and do take their advice, but if I want to marry an ajnabi girl, I'll do it. It's all calaf in the end.
My old man used to talk a good game about being open and accepting of people from all cultures, even citing 49:10 and 49:13 to underline how tolerant he is. Then my sister started talking to him about a Ghanaian fella (Muslim) she'd been approached by, and he threw a fit and damn near disowned her. Turns out, he really likes the idea of being tolerant a lot more than he actually wants to *be* tolerant.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 MashaAllah at least he pretended to be open minded. Also it’s usually the Hooyo’s that are super adamant about being with the Somalis. Somali abos tend to be more open minded but they all prefer their own ppl.
Lmaoooo typical human behaviour. We often think we are one way but realise we really aren’t later.
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Ghana is in West Africa.
My baaad, I read that as Morroco for some reason. Deleted
I personally want to marrry a Somali women I think my parents don’t really care as long as they are Muslim
Married an Indonesian, while I was fairly young actually. They didn't mind it in the end. There was obviously some initial hesitancy but once they got to know her, it didn't seem that far fetched of an idea to them. Granted, I'd known her since I was about 16 though.
Well I did. Was married to a non Somail for almost 7 years. The marriage produced two kids. Of course my family wasn’t happy about it but they accepted the kids. Looking back I honestly don’t even know what drove me to do it. I always saw myself marrying a Somail guy. Never really had any interest in outsiders.
So, you regretted your choice of marrying a non Somali? Do you mind sharing what ethnicity he was? And what would you do to encourage those that are thinking of marrying reverts, Arabs, or any other race?
He was African American. I would say the culture difference was a big adjustment. I always envisioned that I would marry a Somail man and be a traditional Somail wife. I can’t really say I regret it since I now have two beautiful children that I adore from that marriage. Also language was another thing. For almost 7 years I pretty much only spoke English. Our almost 6 year old only speaks English. I would say follow your heart. Don’t be close minded.
I really appreciate your honesty sister! Thank you for sharing! Was he a religious man? Because I think when someone is religious in deen and is open minded and easy going then generally the culture difference is not really a big issue. Would you say that to be the case? Like I’m open to this very religious Jamaican revert, but I just don’t know my mother reaction to it. She’s very religious and is very young early 20’s.
I wouldn’t say he was religious but he did pray five times a day and fasted during Ramadan. I meant our culture. The typical things you find in a Somail household was missing.
Are you still married
No we got divorced.
Oh I’m sorry I hope you’re doing well sis
Alxamdulillah I’m doing well. Thank you.
Wouldn’t have happened if you married a Somali guy.
Bro are you dumb. How insensitive and blinded by your own narrative do you have to be to say that to someone?
Also divorce is a pretty common thing in our culture. I know plenty of people who are in their third or fourth marriages.
bro the divorce rate amongst somalis has always been ridiculously high what u on about.
I’m actually the one who asked for the divorce but either way it’s a shitty thing to say to someone.
I have a question , we’re you guys optimistic at first that it’d work ? Did they try to learn Somali ?
Fine? No. For my folks it's a matter of being able to relate to my future husband and children culturally and linguistically. But would they begrudgingly accept a non-Somali? Yes. In our community and extended family there are more and more interracial couples who don't fail more nor succeed less than full Somali couples. So, they've realised that a happy married life and a healthy relationship to their future son-in-law isn't determined by him being Somali. Me on the other hand has gone in the opposite direction. From being open to all cultures in my 20s (LOVE IS FREE!) to becoming a close-minded bigot at 30 (LOVE IS SOMALI!) 😂. I've seen how friends and acquaintances who marry outside of the culture sacrifice a lot of their soomaalinimo in their marriages. Language, culture, physical connection to Somalia. But then again, those among my friends who are most successful in their interracial marriages weren't that attached to the Somali aspects of their identities or the Somali community to begin with. In that sense I don't think they feel they've sacrificed anything. I want to be able to immerse my future children in soomaali sounds, pictures and people. And it's naïve to assume that this will be as successful in interracial marriages. Even something as simple as being active in a Somali community gets complicated when your spouse is a foreigner and kids bi-racial. Rather than ask what will my parents think (parents tend to come around when there are kids in the picture they can grandparent, even if they are mad at the offset), ask yourself what sort of life do I want? How important is it to me to preserve my Somali identity for myself and my children.
My parents have said they would only accept a Somali woman, tho I think they'd be ok with a an Ethiopian or Eritrean woman if I pushed for it. If I brought home a white American or African American I would be disowned.
SubhanAllah that’s really the case with most Somali mothers I think in the west. How about if it was an Arab women?
The only Arab they seem to tolerate is Yemeni other than that they have a bad view of other Arabs 😂😂
Yes exactly! I agree with you 100%. The only Arabs they tolerate is Yemani Arabs 😂
Dad is mom isnt. Though two of my siblings have married out and the connection my parents have with those grandchildren is terrible. Even when they are at the household its like they feel uncomfortable. That's kinda put me off the idea. Besides I'm planning to move back insha allah, which won't really be possible with a non somali.
Eh, they said they'd be OK with me marrying any man as long they were muslim. The thing is I almost always ask them if east Asians are on the table, as a joke, and they sort of laugh me off. At this point, I think they just want me to get married, period.
I'm not married, but insha'Allah one day. My folks don't mind me marrying a non-Somali, so long as it is someone who is Muslim. They don't mind it, but they would obviously prefer someone Somali. It's then easier to get along with the in laws and also for the grand kids to pick up Somali, so that they can then play and joke with them in Somali.
Same
All my siblings married non somalis (they didn’t go out of their way to avoid somalis, it’s just how things turned out to be). My parents would throw a fit if I did the same though. They want at least one set of grandkids that are full somali 😂
How many siblings we talking here lol.
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My biggest fear is how much of a connection would half Somali children have to our people culture and country? Most of the half Somalis I’ve met don’t identity as a Somali or socialize in the Somali community.
I’m planning on taking my half Somail kids to Somalia next year. I’m actually planning on keeping them there for awhile so that they can learn our culture and attend daily dugsi.
Masha'Allah. Good call.
Why do you take your jareer 🦍 kids to somalia???
why are you racist? astagfirullah
Somalia don't allow sub human in their country
It’s all up to the parents. The parent has to be diligent in teaching and immersing the child in the culture.
You’re not just Somali though, you’re a whole person with a lot of facets to your identity. I’m not saying you need to downplay being Somali (oh hell nah lol) but you could meet someone who’s not Somali that is far more suitable for you as a whole than any other Somali woman. 🤷🏽♀️ I can understand having a preference for a Somali person (I definitely do and always did) but it doesn’t mean you have to rule out others.
To be honest, they would have preferred any kind of Somali by a mile, and they weren't shy about expressing it. Alhamdulillah, they're reasonable and willing to judge people as individuals though. They're definitely taking a harder stance on my younger siblings though. So yeah, but just barely.
my dad doesn't really care but my mum would disown me lol
They’d prefer it by far but it wouldn’t be the end of the world if I didn’t. I will be marrying a Somali guy though but had I been in love with a different culture, I’d marry them too.
You are an adult and its none of your parents business who you should get married to. Yes they can offer you their opinion and advise but dont allow them to use threats, guilt and manipulation regarding any decision that is personal to you. Its your life, make wise decisions.
No I’d have family issues and It would displease my mother but alhamdulilah I’m only interested in somali women especially after thinking deeply about the whole subject of interracial marriage. If you think of it, if I was to marry out, I’d indirectly unsubscribe from my somalinimo and lineage in a way even though my kids would take my qabiil but that’s besides the point. Mixed kids normally hold no loyalties to their respective lineage and so they’d more than likely marry out and essentially before you know, the somali lineage has been diluted so much that it is no longer present. I wouldn’t wish that on me or any one else. I’d rather preserve myself and avoid getting disowned
Would my parents get over it if I pushed? Yes. Would they let it be known that they dont apprive? Yes. My father always says religion and character are the most important things, but sometimes people's culture direct their morals and expectations (which if we're being honest..is very true). They'll say it's a risk. They'll also say that they would never feel fully comfortable with that person as they would with a somali son-in-law. . But if the person was super cool, respectful of themselves and to my family and had very good character, they would be fine.
The last time I tried to introduce my mom to a non Somali shit was tragic. Hoping she’s grown since 😭😭😭
No not really. My hooyo has recently started joking that I’ll have to date out since I’m an atheist but she knows I only stick to Somali men. Both of my parents would be disappointed if I brought home a non Somali. Especially since most girls that have done that in my community have not brought home top tier men
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Yeah my entire family does
Do they frown upon it or what? Can't conceptualise Somali parents accepting that tbh with you.
No they don’t care. My parents are somewhat religious I know the rest of my family is too but they’re also educated, worldly and not insecure. My parents do laugh when I occasionally say bismillah
Wtf
😂😂😂😂😂
Somali parents aren’t monolith lol 😂
Idk how to tell u this lmao but almost no somali man is marrying an atheist. No somali family is allowing that nor would the guy himself do it. We are 99.99 percent muslim and stick to our religion
That’s you babe, others don’t think like you
Tbf it’s literally haram so… not just him babe. Editing my comment to wish you all the best regardless tho sis
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Most somalis are Muslim and it’s haram for Muslims to marry atheists
Somalia atheist,🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣,that's 1st time I've ever heard that. Are you from the states
There’s a lot of Somali atheists lol, I have met many, both young and old, male and female all around the world. They just wouldn’t tell you straight away. You probably have never heard of anyone because you most likely give off judgemental or ignorant vibes.
Your gaal no somali man want cawaan
No they’re not
Nah they’re not but I respect it. I really don’t understand how some would rather be disowned for “love”
Why do you think of it as a choice? You don’t need to choose, you can always keep both. The love you have for your family isn’t mutually exclusive with the one for your wife/husband.
Getting disowned isn’t a choice- hmm it kinda is if you know your parents don’t like the idea of ajanabis. Setting yourself up I was just sayin that’s what occurs when parents aren’t accepting of marrying ajanabis
I don’t think anyone’s parents would disown them simply because they married an ajanabi. I think it’s just bs sheeko. I know plenty of Somali people married to ajanabi, even non-Muslims etc and whilst it wasn’t an easy thing for most of them, I don’t know a single person that actually got disowned. I think Somali parents talk a lot but when it comes down to it, they’d never ever disown. We’re far too family oriented for that.
Setting yourself up? Don't put the bad behaviour of parents on their children. If you disown your child for who they choose to love/marry, you are a shitty parent. End of. I feel for people who are in this situation. It's not easy.
I don’t know you and I could be wrong but I feel like your parents have put fear in you to keep you in check bc they’ve sensed that you fear losing their love if you ever step out of line. A lot of Somali parents, especially mothers do this. They’d never have the heart to actually disown you though. (It is actually a big sin Islamically to cut blood ties) And as much as you love your parents, don’t let fear and their manipulation tactics control you. Trust me, this is very important for your future. Especially if you plan to have kids and a wife.
Nah I honestly think there’s some truth in what they say about marrying ajanabis. Bccc most of the stories I’ve heard💀 yea I’m good 100%. Anyways I want to keep our dhaqan alive & I have no interest in ajanabis. There are also plenty of good somali men out there, I don’t see any point in searching out… I believe our parents come from a good place & want to protect us.
Nah I’m not saying whether or not you should marry ajanabi, that’s not my business lmaooo 😫 I’m just saying that generally speaking if you or anyone else chose to, they shouldn’t worry about getting disowned bc Somalis don’t really move like that.
I really don’t understand how a parent would disown their child just for marrying an ajnabi. That’s some mentally ill shit
Tbh, there's a hierarchy: 1)Isaaq men 2) Somali men 3) Muslim men 4) Non-muslim men I'm a gaal and they'll be lucky if I bring home a man and not a woman. 😂😂😂😂
????
Dafuq
Do your folks seriously care about isaaq v other Somali ?
Don't get it twisted. They have never verbalised it but I think most people prefer their own clan if everything else is equal. My sister brought home a Hawiye guy not too long ago and apparently my father made some weird comments. 🤷🏾♀️
Right, I couldn't gauge how serious you where being, thanks for clarifying
My mom wouldn't care but my dad is very much against it. I'm not pro or against it, whoever I marry is gonna be Muslim that's for sure lol.
Yes for sure. So, what will you do? In your heart do you mind reverts or other non Somalis? Or are you strictly Somali person?
I don't care either way, I just want someone I get along with and respects me. Honestly marry who you want and makes you happy.
Yeah my parents wouldn’t care. They just care if he’s muslim or not. They’re fine with their kids marrying non Somalis
I don’t think so, when I was young I knew this and thought I would be rebellious and as such date a non Somali. It was not fun, did not last long. Too many culture conflicts, she drank alcohol, biggest deal breaker, was worried if we get married for my kids. Would they be Muslim and learn about their culture. Too many issues. I decided in the end that I would like to marry a Somali if possible as my values align there.
Yes, and I agree with them. We’re a minority in the west and finding a girl with all the qualities you’re after is way harder than just saying ok I don’t actually care about ethnic background which makes things way easier.
Insha Allah that's my plan marry a non Somali though idk how to start? And where to look?
My mom’s open minded so we cool
I dont think they would care much, but i wouldn't want to marry a somali , rather a MENA muslim.