You are young Mashallah, and have been focused on a Career. Which makes sense. You need money to raise a family. Now that you are ready to marry financially (it makes it a lot easier if you are), go shopping on apps. Educated, Muslim guy with some money. lol you won't have a problem. MuzMatch Salaam Are two I have used personally. Had good luck. You would be surprised to find how many Somali girls on there are looking for a guy too. If you match you can start texting immediately, and talk. I once dated this girl who prayed better than me and had a Career. Wish she was a bit more patient... soft skills are a real thing. Patience even better, the grass will seem greener jumping to the next person. You gotta know when to settle. Talk and show your true intentions first. And remember not only Allah, but also that there are feelings of attraction and appreciation for her view of the world. Nowadays her finance and Career aspirations too. Welcome to 2023 dating.

I tried Muzz. I feel like I have to wow a girl on there for her to consider me (esp UK girls funnily enough aha) so just got tired of it. Got some numbers and talked to some people. I liked some but they didn’t like me back. And vice versa.

It can be a cycle. Bro of course the halaal way is through relatives. Someone who knows someone. Inshallah u'll find someone

Western Somali girls may have higher standards. Women back home just want a good man and have less expectations. It's a double edge sword though cause the mentality is different. Even if we are all somalis our upbringing as diaspora is massively different from what people in Somalia experience. I know people born in the west who went back home and found a wife easily after trying to get married for years while living in Europe, if you are adaptable and she is adaptable you can have a good marriage inshallah

Muzzmach is full of fitnah don’t go there

I could be wrong here but have you tried going outside? Lol I’m just kidding walaal. Try the masjid, if you’re still in school maybe try there, go to Somali owned businesses/or Somali frequented ones, ask your hooyo and aabo (this one sounds a little odd as a grown man living in the west who’s in the same boat as you too but it has worked well for others 🤷🏾‍♂️), maybe when you visit back home let extended family there know (make sure you tell them you’re not interested in anything Oedipus related…an extended cousin is not a marriage option lol), try online apps maybe (this one should be a last resort imo b/c those apps are really great for meeting people that don’t have the same energy in-person or aren’t being truthful). Please remember to never compromise on the things important to you but to also be open to meeting/talking to someone with differences in values and opinions (just not on critical things like deen).

Thanks Walaal! I’ve asked my parents but they haven’t come up with anything as they don’t know many people. I have a lot of uncles/cousins that would love to set me up so I think my best option right now is back home. I was hoping to find someone here in England/Europe but hey ho.

I should have mentioned these uncles/cousins are all back home.

Yh but back home comes with a whole host of issues I feel like. For example, are you aware of current events in Somalia? You’d better be ready to be with someone that might need your help to build up their fragile mental health state b/c of trauma they’ve seen…that’s a lot to ask of somebody that’s only 24 and finding their own place in life, at least I think it would be for me. Plus, just b/c they’re back home doesn’t mean they’re suddenly shielded from the issues in the west; I’d argue the only difference is at lower levels. Drugs, shady past, lack of deen and etc., doesn’t suddenly stop just b/c you’re in Somalia.

I don’t think trauma is that commonplace. I’d be looking for a girl from Arabsiyo or Gabiley. Having been to both places, people seemed mentally okay. They’re essentially tuulooyin so there are fewer potential issues/vices that come with the girls but ofc you never know. My only worry would be moving her out here far away from her family as she might start feeling isolated. Back home is really just a back up option but starting to consider it more and more now.

Sorry for asking but why arabsiyo and gabiley? I assume you are from gabiley and like you said arabsiyo is tuulo (gabiley isn’t tho) so I can’t see how marriage will work btw a guy a from Europe and a girl from small city like arabsiyo, Hargeisa is the best option

I’m from both. I have more family in Arabsiyo though.

And I assume you are jibriil abokor 😭 sorry

Nah Hussain abokar ahaha. You should be able to guess exactly which tribe with that info.

Go on Muzmatch, but stick to the reer Europe folks. The numbers dramatically improve when you filter the UK in, but it's not worth the headache. Get a girl your age from some small Dutch/European Town that ain't really in with the community like that.

I’m moving to the Netherlands next month. Will try your advice out when I’m there and see if I can find a girl from there or Europe.

Just started on Muzmatch and noticing this too; what have you noticed to come to this conclusion walaalo?

Someone from back home might be good BUT you have to do a lot of good vetting. The problem in Somalia is there is 24hrs shukaansi. Women and men just love to flirt. FIND THE WOMAN WHO ISN´T FLIRTING WITH OTHERS. Also NEVER NEVER EVER bring her to europe. She will become corrupt within 3 months.

Ask your mom or family members. Avoid any dating apps. You live in the UK you should be able to find a good Somali women

Try talking to the Somali girls in your school. You’re 24 so you have ample amount of time to find the right girl for you inshallah. I wouldn’t rush into things. You’ve worked hard to get to where you are today. Enjoy the fruits of your labor and focus on yourself. I would look into masjid & school functions. Best of luck!

Thanks. I finished school 3 years ago but yeah masjid is a good option.

You can ask your mom and sister to be your wingwomen and try set you up with a girl , or you can go to a Somali society at a university, or go to Somali events and meet girls there naturally or go through a Somali mosque , and online is one way too

My mom and sister are both very shy. Don’t think they know all that many people. Somali events etc is a shout but I’d feel like I’m just attending with an ulterior motive ahah.

Go to these events to get to know more Somalis and yea what’s wrong with searching a nice girl from there be natural and you will be okay

Gabar lama guursadee reerkoodaa la guursadaa so tell hooyo to find you a match then shukaanso and see her for yourself. Back in Somalia the options are many so you should consider it too. Also don’t ever fall for looks put the deen and family before beauty.

Asc I wouldn't recommend muzzmatch since there is too much fitnah there. Try sunnah match also ask your mum or dad if they know someone that has a good daughter it'll be better that way tbh cus your parents will know the woman's parents and see if she comes from a good family. Also, try some mosques I've heard that they do some marriage stuff were they link 2 couples together if you guyss match by writing the characteristics you want in a wife. Some islamic institutions like Badr Academy have a marriage matching thing but I think u'll have to pay for that. Ummm honestly just try to keep on the deen basically and you'll have soo much baraqa in it don't go on these dating apps it won't be worth it. Make sincere dua to Allah (swt) be patient focus on yourself and your deen & InshaAllah everything else will go smoothly i'm ngl i've seen people do that and in a few months there's a beautiful potential partner coming their way. May Allah Make It Easy For You Walaalo

Ask family members. Hooyo, aabe , uncles and aunties or somali family friends. They know people and have connections and will likely introduce you to a potential wife. My advice is that if you are born and/or raised in the west you should pursue a somali woman who was also born/raised in the west cause you have more in common. If you don't mind it though you can travel to the motherland and find a wife there, but be aware of the cultural/life experience differences

Ga naar de moskee een vraag aan de imam. Hij zal vast weten

Ja, heel goed advies. Mijn vriend in Rdam heeft zo zijn vrouw gevonden.

Ga gewoon doen. Ben ook van plan om dat te gaan doen zodra ik klaar ben met HBO

Is goed. Ik vraag de imam ook alvast voor jou ahah. Thanks en success met je studie verder.

Ik ben zelf afgelopen zomer getrouwd met een Somalische back home. Zorg er goed voor dat je iemand vind die niet met andere mannen praat en niet omgaat met anderen. Vaak word je daar gezien als een geldkraan en een ticket naar europa. Maak voor je trouwt al afspraken over dat je ze niet naar europa brengt en schrijf deze op !!!

MashaAllah gefeliciteerd broeder. Iedereen doet aan shukaansi daar zoals je zelf heb gezegd dus wordt moeilijk om zo’n iemand te vinden. Hoe is het long distance relationship? En je moet wel ooit samen wonen haha dus ga jij daar verhuizen?

Like everyone else I would say try the masjid. The thing with the dating apps is most ppl say they’re looking for something serious but end up being the complete opposite. Try putting yourself out there, also don’t be ashamed to ask someone(family, close friend) if they know anyone who’s single and wants marriage as well.

Same exact age and position except I’m a girl in the United States. I briefly went home last year and was surprised by the amount of attention from men, who know they have less chances with diaspora women. I imagine the dynamics are more in your favor as a man because you can easily find a woman who is pious and educated in Islam to take care of ur kids as you advance your career. Also 24 is really young and you have a lot of interesting people to meet.

Here is a crazy suggestion, why don't yall talk, feel each other out and if it works ma sha Allah great story otherwise still cool story

Are you sure your woman dear? "You can easily find a woman who is pious and educated in islam to raise your kids as you expand in your career" Few questions why isn't he raising his kids too, and why cant she expand in her career? It seemes like your telling the guy fatherhood is optional, and its all the mothers responsiblity, so you should focus on expanding your career so that you can afford to marry a "2nd wife." People like you is why we have so many broken homes and dysfunction.

Lmao should I put up a profile pic? I’m saying that cuz that’s just the reality. I’m career-driven too and kinda envy men for that. I just read The Defining Decade and so I’m a little sobered up after some of her comments regarding women’s career/ family timelines. Also coming from a polygamous household trust that I’m the last one rooting for a second wife.

I dont know what middle eastern village you live in where being in polygamous marriages is a thing, but globally for the average woman thats not accepted or the norm. You said you come from a polygamous family, so according to you you think thats the "reality", which is your own projection. If truly you're a woman let me tell you a man can only do to you what you let him, its the 21century why would you reduce your life to being a mans sloppy seconds? Heal your self-esteem and stop reading/listening to these pick me gurus. You have so much choices and opportunities in life that our mothers grandmothers didnt have.

Ahah where did the affording a second wife come from. There’s nothing wrong with that dynamic and I think a lot of women would like it in fact. Also, nothing wrong with women who want a career.

Loool something a man would say ill tell you that No woman is interested in that dynamic, and such low way of living life. The only women who accepted such treatment was the older generation of women, who had absoulte no choice other than that assalamu alaykum.

Wa alaikum salaam. By dynamic, I meant the wife being a stay at home wife. I think you thought I meant being a second wife. It’s very difficult for women to accept that nowadays I fully agree.

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Lurking as a woman to feed your "bros" ego's is lame stop it please

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You know damn well im talking about "2nd wife" nonsense

Well I wasn’t referring to that no sane woman is ok with polygamy

Yeah back home just speaking English would get some girls’ attention on for example the bus. But then you end up wanting the ones that don’t bat one eye and couldn’t care less if you’re from Qurbaha.

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Yeah, I speak Somali well enough.

Visit back home, Somalia

nowadays its really hard to find a decent Somali woman. Better to find a pious one in somalia.

Well I think it depends on where you’re at in life, if you’re on top of your deen, I’d assume you frequent the masjid…Somali women on top of their deen also frequent said masjid. I don’t think it’s necessarily hard, I think we just focus wayyy to much on the bad rather than just concern ourselves with the good.

Hmm not sure why this got downvoted. It is difficult to find a good Somali woman but I think this has been interpreted as there are very few decent Somali women here. There definitely are plenty good Somali women in the west, but it’s just hard to find them.

Indeed, back to Somalia it is!

Als je in Nederland woont vergeet somali vrouw, kans is super klein.

Nee joh waarom is dat? Ik kom volgende maand terug verhuizen naar Rotterdam. Er zijn veel Somas daar. Ook dichtbij in Delft.

Ik woon in rotterdam ik zie ze niet vaak, maar soma's in nederland zijn zo wier zo klein groupje vergleken met andere landen

Ja, zeker een kleine groep. Als je naar Maashaven komt naast Zuidplein, zie je veel somas. Ik was daar opgegroeid.

Broeder je moet in Tilburg proberen, daar zijn redelijk wat Somaliërs. Je hebt hier ook een Somalische moskee waar ze jou miss kunnen helpen. Maar uit ervaring kan ik je zeggen dat wanneer het op vrouwen aankomt lastig is.