Dating apps probably hide our most compatible matches in order to retain our business

Dating apps probably hide our most compatible matches in order to retain our business


There could be a success to failure ratio they have to maintain to optimise customers using the app more and still getting satisfactory results.


100 no’s and 1 yes is still a yes. It really works!


You guys are getting yes'


I finally got one lol


No. I don't use dating apps.




Was it a r/woooosh?


Believe it or not woosh was a thing before the internet. You might also notice the lack of "r/" before the word.




Only on the fake accounts who try to sell stuff. But I swipe yes on everyone just to see if I ever get any matches.


Supposedly some of the apps lower the amount you're shown if you swipe yes on everything. But wtf knows for real what their algoritms do.


Blackboxes. It works, it just works!


You'd be afraid if you knew how many systems like that operates in real time data processing.. tooooo many.


Is he fugly? Is she fugly? It's a match!


I see you are a man/woman of culture as well.


Explanation for the non American plz, what’s a „fugly“?


Fucking ugly. Just shorter


Ohhhhh got it! Yeah I get plenty of those here too fam I’m feeling you


What??? I always thought it meant fat and ugly...this is life changing


I think it comes from fucking ugly. Fucking + ugly = fugly


Fugly = Fucking ugly


Look in the mirror....


Can’t See you there bro, must be broken.


Oh yeah breaking mirrors is normal, you must have seen the bill that the Mirror Store sent me.


It's not that they hide the matches, there's no advantage to them in that, but they do release them to you at a slower rate to keep you coming back and using the apps every day. When I was using these apps I noticed that when the app said I had 20 or so people who had swiped yes on me, I would usually get 1-2 matches in th first few swipes, but no more until the next day, when I would again get a few matches in the first few swipes but not often afterwards


I had the Match app for over three months. In that time, they showed my profile to a grand total of 11 people, so... that’s one way they mess with your results.


How did you find that out?


On the app, it shows it on your profile section, conveniently right above a button for buying premium features.


Maybe you’re a total snack not worthy of that many people!


Close the app properly, go back in and adjust your distance by a mile, you'll get another few in first swipes, rinse and repeat


Bumble right? I noticed that pattern as well. It basically just meant that I only had to use it for 3 minutes per day because every other swipe was worth nothing


You could test this with their paid features. Pay to see your likes, but don't swipe on any of them. Now swipe normally and make a note at how frequently they pop up. Although I do wonder if they change the feed as well.


If you think about it, you wouldn't only want to be shown women who matched with you in case you don't match with any of them. I like that they mix people who have matched you with people who haven't.


"but they do release them to you at a slower rate " ....."I would usually get 1-2 matches in the first few swipes, but no more until the next day, when I would again get a few matches in the first few swipes but not often afterwards" Sounds like hiding to me. When I'm looking for Waldo he isn't in the front every time, he's.....hiding. Making money is certainly 1 advantage of them doing it. Much more likely to get a subscription from someone who just hasn't had too much luck in the first month, but just enough to keep coming back. When they publish their stats the number of active users, number of swipes, number of subscribers are all very important investor stats that are certainly a couple more advantages to "hiding".


Yes you are probably at least partially right, they want paying customers so that's why there is always different levels of membership. Free membership people like you and me are like people basically on trial lol


Most dating apps properly do an AI/ML on their match algorithm. The algorithm will be told to optimize for the specific profitability KPIs and then just key in on whatever odd things cause that to go highest. It is not only highly likely their algorithm is designed to not succeed, its almost a guarantee.


I ended up meeting my boyfriend on OKC, and we're totally compatible that it's almost surreal we found each other. Neither of us paid for the app either. But I think it kinda makes sense because I was on the app for a good while (him too) before he popped up on my feed.


OKC was an awesome site back in like 2012. Matchgroup completely ruined it though.


I got so many great OKC dates and a few relationships around that time. It was pretty great. Even Tinder wasn't that bad when it first came out.


It was decent for me when I started out a few months ago. Idk what happened but now almost 90% of people there are girls that have changed locations from Philippines or South Americans that are looking to better their English...


Exact same experience here. I got plenty of dates back then and was in a relationship for a couple years with someone I met on OKC. These days, I hardly get any responses and deactivated my profile because it became an exercise in futility.


wow i didnt really Oklahoma City was such a great place to meet people


That app used to be great. It's absolutely horrific now. They somehow manage to make Tinder look good.


Outside of the hookup centric apps the success rate is low enough that they really don't need to artificially lower it remotely as much as they need some evidence the app has any value at all.


And while one match that sticks may lose them two customers - if it works out they'll prosthelytize for you. My wife has told a ton of people to try out the app which we met on.


yeah - that is the kind of thing I meant, dating apps are like social media, you need a critical mass of people discussing it positively or it will never really work




Asking for a friend?


Yes, and that friend is me


Tinder, Grindr, Bumble


They do. Hinge has this "rose" feature where you can send that alongside your like. You get one a week for free. You can send it to anyone but you can only send roses (not likes) to people in your "stand out" column. People in that column are basically algorithmically the peak of the type of people you've historically liked. Bumble doesn't show free users that have liked them. And they'll dump them way down the list so you have to hit a few adverts.


Come to think of it Ive literally never gotten an ad in bumble... Weird. It does however put profiles that have liked you at the top of the stack if you either leave it for long enough or change your preferences, so its pretty easy to find profiles that have liked you as long as there arent too many (ie if you're a man). As for Hinge's standouts, they're the most popular profiles overall in your area. So of course you're not likely to get a match from them, because they're probably getting hundreds of roses.


Yeah and Hinge doesn't fuck around with rose pricing, they cost $6 each back when I was using it.


Just checked, seems like they realised that pricing is crap. You cant by single roses now, but the worst value is 3 for £3 (~$4). Still think it's dumb though


It can be worth it though. I meet my partner through Hinge, she's amazing and I couldn't be happier.


My ex used bumble to cheat on me


Remember the Ashley Madison scam. There was more men than women on the app. So they created fake accounts of women to flirt with the men.


I mean, that was trying to meet a specific demo, that a whole lot of people don't want to be a part of.


I mean they need at least a certain success rate in order to be successful, but I think they're trying to be not too successful.


Just how the hell should they know who is most compatible with whom having only a bunch of picture and MAYBE two lines of description (Not in most cases let's not kid ourselves unless we consider an Instagram handle a bio) ? Sure your data about swipes and conversation can actually say a little something but how much? It's not Black Mirror...yet


I'd only pay for one that let me filter by 'Questionable taste and low standards.'


I think people do a pretty good job of screwing up relationships that are even the most promising to keep those services in business.


I married my match, but to be fair we also had met each other before in person before matching online


No need for a caveat. Meeting online does not „devalue“ matches or relationship.


Why is ,,this" a thing. It looks "worse" than my typing.


I've been wondering that too. I have seen it so much this past week and I am not a fan at all.


Is it like TaLkInG LiKe ThIs? Please somebody, there are dozens of us wondering.


Dutch and German both use „these” as their regular quotes, probably has to do with that.




In my case, this is the correct answer.


Is ,, a button for your country? Or do you have to press comma twice? US keyboards don't have a default ,, button, but we do have a " button, so I'm curious how it works for you guys.


There‘s one button for both „ and “. “ followed by a letter automatically gives you the lower version (= beginning of a quote). “ preceded by a letter or a period or comma gives you the upper version (= end of a quote). Happens automatically. (And I hope you get what I mean.) On iOS and I guess Android, long-press on the quotation marks gives you all the options too. Fun fact: I teach German and English. When my students use the English quotations marks in German texts (many do because they think it‘s cool), I have to mark it as wrong. When the same students use the German ones in English, I have to mark it as wrong again.


Oohhh yeah I totally get what you mean. It's smart enough to change direction based on context. Makes sense. That's too funny about the kids using it per language. I really appreciate all the insight to this! Last question, if you don't mind, is there a history or any reason in particular why each country does it differently that you know about?


Just added as I met other people online and well some of them ended very badly. I think knowing this person even vaguely before matching gave me some idea of who he was. But I’m sure plenty of people have gotten married and are happy who never knew each other before. I actually love the story of how we got together. We met twice in person before tinder but in a professional setting, took tinder to get us together. I actually ignored a job offer from him previously and joke that he has to marry people just to get staff these days, as I do now work for him. Most people who know us assume we met in work and don’t realise it was tinder unless I tell them.


They absolutely want to keep you there, but you gotta stop it with this narrative. In the end of the day, they wouldnt have a business if everybody would "lose" on tinder. I know that the guys here would like to think that EVERYONE has issues with dating apps and EVERYONE lacks matches and needs to buy premium. I KNOW you love to tell that to yourselves, but its not true, it simply isnt.


Are people trying to find love on Tinder? I thought it was just for sex


I found my gf on tinder. Tons of people do. It’s definitely not just for sex.


There are people that treat tinder like a dating app, yes. It’s enough of a problem that I’ve read entirely too many posts about how frustrating online dating is *specifically* on tindr, with people giving each other advice on how to optimize their *tindr* profile to get more matches and better results. It’s a hookup app. That’s why it sucks for dating. Put your most interesting pictures in it, and make your profile something fun and interesting about yourself.


> It’s a hookup app. That’s why it sucks for dating. How it is used depends a lot on your age and your location. Also, every dating app is used to find hookups by some people.


You don’t understand what I’m saying. Tindr is literally designed to facilitate hookups, not dating. The complaints people have about how profiles don’t provide a lot of space for people to talk about themselves, then heavy emphasis on pictures over meaningful descriptions of personality, etc, come from people not understanding that Tindr exists, and is designed, to facilitate casual, no no strings attacked, sex. You don’t need a lengthy profile describing your goals and hobbies if you’re just interested in casual sex, you need pictures that show how good looking you are, and that you’re an interesting enough person to have a fun afternoon with before actually having sex. Then fact that people using dating apps for hookups, or hookup apps for dating, doesn’t matter. The complaints exist because people misunderstand the purpose of the app to begin with. I’m sure there are people who try to use Ashley Madison as a dating app, or whatever “hot girls in your area” app as a dating app. None of that change the fact that the people are complaining about an app not doing what they want it to do because the app was never designed to do what they wanted to do to begin with.


Tinder works fine as a dating app, if the other people also use it for that. There is enough room for a profile text, and pictures can show your personality too. It's not a huge difference from most other apps. The first filter is your looks, but that is not a huge deal. If people think it is a dating app, then it becomes a dating app. If people think it is a hookup app, then it becomes a hookup app. The problem is people, because people don't agree to how it should be used. That is the core problem. Some use it for dating, some use it for hookups, some use it to get Instagram followers, some use it for promoting their prostitution business. THAT is why it sucks. Not because people don't understand it.


TL;DR at the end People using an app for other reasons doesn’t mean it’s suddenly an effective app at that other thing. “Works fine” is dubious, given how many people exist online complaining exactly about the state of online dating and Tindr in relation to that. Sure, people do use it for dating, the doesn’t magically make Tindr a dating app. It’s a hookup app, designed for hooking up, that people happen to use for dating. From what I’ve gathered, it doesn’t even seem to provide many of the features that made-for-purpose dating apps and websites include for users - a more comprehensive biography being one of them. > the problem is that people don’t agree on how it should be used Literally what I’ve been saying. It is built, designed, marketed, and grew, as a hookup app. It provides the minimum possible amount of information that two people would need to be interested enough for a quick afternoon of fun followed by sex. It is missing the features it would need to actually make it a more useful dating experience because the owners, developers, and majority of the user base agree that Tindr is a hookup app, with features that make it easy to have no-strings-attached sex, and that it then bottom line. Until the owners of Tindr decide to change their mission and begin marketing their app as a serious dating service, along with incorporating the features they would need for that to take off, Tindr will *always* suck as a dating app. TL;DR: Tindr sucks as a dating app because it is designed, built, and used a hookup app. You’re never going to get people to agree to use it as a dating app because the target audience for Tindr, and the owners and devs of Tindr, have not made the changes in functionality and marketing that would make Tindr a serious contender for online dating apps.


> “Works fine” is dubious, given how many people exist online complaining exactly about the state of online dating and Tindr in relation to that The reason you hear people complaining is that it is the most popular app. People complain that all the other apps suck too, but you won't see it as much because those apps are much less popular. The only apps you don't hear people complain about, are the apps you don't hear about at all. > It provides the minimum possible amount of information that two people would need to be interested enough for a quick afternoon of fun So, a date then? > followed by sex like many dates... > It is missing the features it would need to actually make it a more useful dating experience No it doesn't, as I described in the previous post. A short profile text + some pics + a bit of messaging is a fine lead up to a date. > the owners, developers, and majority of the user base agree that Tindr is a hookup app That is simply not true. In some demographics it is 90+% considered a dating app. It probably started as a hookup app, but that was a long time ago. I have never seen any marketing describing it as anything other than a dating app, or simply an app to meet people. > You’re never going to get people to agree to use it as a dating app But you are never going to get people to agree to use it exclusively for hookups either, which is why it also suck as a hookup app for some people...


I have only ever met women exploring for relationships. Yea ive hooked up too but it is not all its for.


Thanks so much, PinocchiosWoodBalls


I think the algorithm is more or less "aggressive" depending on the app but for the most part human behavior is the algorithm at work on dating apps. People behave in a very specific ways on these apps, they wouldn't act the same way in real life. Also it goes beyond the algorithm : the way the app is designed, its functionalities, its user interface all play a role in how people behave. Most dating apps work the same way (lots of swiping features for instance) and therefore tend to make people superficial. I wish, one day, someone would invent a dating app with nudges that would incite people to be more active, more focused and friendlier. Maybe a more playful fun app that rewards the user in constructive ways. Right now, most of these apps go for the simple, quick swipe and super high number of potential matches which is quite far from a normal human interaction.


You got it


I agree. Gotta work on our profile and picture game


Only after an initial period where they don't to generate the hype that "it really works!" You want the mouth-to-mouth in the statup phase and then a slow drip of paywalls.


My most compatible match was my ex husband. 😂


Never ascribe to malice, that which can be explained by incompetence. It's highly unlikely you are right. IF it were possible to match you with a high chance of you being with that person until one of you dies sure 1 company might do this but what's to stop someone who knows how the algorythm works from stealing that idea and giving it to another company and they make it so it does work? You'd also pay more if it actually worked like if you could be sure you wouldn't be single a year later. Some of the sites actually offer a money back if you don't find someone in a year.


Let's traverse down this road a bit. The OP says "dating apps" and "most compatible matches". This doesn't necessarily mean ends in a partner for life but lets go with that. There is nothing about any dating app that is a mystery from the backend. All you need is a large group of people inputting data & some level of marketing to say you have a large group of people. So what is to stop another company from creating their own --- nothing. That is why there are a billion dating apps. CVS could easily start one if they wanted to get into the dating business. "You'd also pay more if it actually worked..." - there are matchmaking services, so you CAN pay more. The apps are really a cheap easy way for YOU to do the leg work, but there is nothing stopping the app companies from allowing you to filter better, they just don't let you until you pay, and even then won't give you all the tools to really get there. The dating apps CAN adjust their algorithms to match better - this is a very easy thing to do if you are a big data person. To give a rudimentary example - Tinder doesn't have a "exclude" option for a good portion of their settings on the free tier. If someone could exclude all smokers or exclude all political folks w/in a political party, then by definition you'd have better match results. The number of times I've swiped left due to those 2 really easy characteristics is easily 25%. What do I get if I pay for Tier 1 on a Tinder or Bumble - I get to see those who already liked my profile. Great, but the only way that helps is if at least one of those profiles were "marginal" in that there was some characteristic(s) that wasn't that appealing but was just ok and the rest of the profile wasn't good enough to overcome. The concept that this small fraction on the margin would create a match is fine, but the OP says "most compatible matches" so already they are not in that category or I would have swiped right to begin with. With that first tier they are literally asking you to pay for "sub-most-compatible" potential matches. Perhaps there are some in that bucket that I just haven't seen yet, ok, eventually I should right? How many times have you exhausted all the potential matches in your area and are given the option to expand your range or adjust your characteristics? It happens - even when there is this little group up in the top of "people who already like you". Here's another example, they can easily put a "I could be interested but the profile is not fully complete to where I am comfortable swiping, so lets set it aside and put it back in the deck once that person has updated more info." That isn't an option in the free service. I decide when it pops up and there is no going back, so even if it says "new" and the person is still filling out their profile that could be a potential best match that falls flat. I wouldn't necessarily assume incompetence when $ can be made by specifically not implementing all the tools. We were taught how to put colored shapes into a box in pre-school for pete's sake, sorting and finding matches for all sorts of things are literally what our brains do. The OP premise is "hide" matches. That doesn't mean never give, it could just mean roll out slowly to encourage subscriptions. Then when you subscribe you magically see a couple more, then next tier a couple more. Every app has all the data they need to make matching work a lot better. Everything from time spent looking at pictures, time spent reading descriptions, if you even look at the descriptions, % swipes, etc. Some of these companies created fake profiles just to keep users instead of implementing simple tools. So, although not ascribing malice, certainly ascribing profitability. If you think IAC or Barry Diller don't want to maximize their profit then I have a shirt to sell you. (For reals, I have a shirt company and can send you the link). IMO the OP's premise is more likely than unlikely.


I fooled around with 20 different women in 1 year on dating apps. I was seeing someone I met locally when a lady I messaged on pof responded to me. Had messaged her a month prior. She was just out of town. Anyways. We started talking. Went on a couple dates. On the 3rd date she came over and never left. We've been together 9 years now.


Please let your wife leave the house. People need to see nature, and do other things!


Lol! Aww man that made me laugh a bit more than it should. Thanks for that.


LPT if you want to find a person interested in establishing a serious relationship, Hinge is hands down the best platform currently. Their motto is "designed to be deleted," and it lives up to the motto. There are no cheap gimmicks. You don't have to pay to say hello or to hope people you're interested in will notice you. You don't have to wade through hundreds of sex bots. Everything is designed to encourage authentic interaction. Obviously your experience will vary, but you might as well give yourself the best chance you can if your goal is to find a solid relationship. Source: I've spent a borderline embarrassing amount of time on every popular dating app before figuring out Hinge was elite and landing myself in an incredible relationship.


When was this? This USED to be the case, but not anymore. Now it's become exactly like the others...


About 1.5 years ago for me. I hope that’s not true!


Good for you man. I found my fiance on a dating app. It does occasionally work.


Thanks! Congratulations to you as well. :)


Thanks! We’re overjoyed.


Iirc, you still have to match for anybody to see any message, right? I tried that and it seemed just as spammy as any of the other ones. With the profiles still reduced down to character-limited conversation prompts and a portrait portfolio, I don't see why it would really be any different.


Unless it has changed, You can send a message to the other person you were interested in without matching with them. They see the message and have the choice to respond or not. If they don’t respond, the conversation does not continue obviously. But if they do respond, then you are free to chat as much as you like. This system also removes some of the arbitrary randomness of other dating apps, where you might see somebody and swipe on them, but they may never see you.


Tinder probably is the predominant product and they don't do compatibility. They just throw profiles at you and see what sticks. How ever, you'll be shown more just after you make a subscription and before it runs out, or at least that's my subjective impression.


A couple might do that, but for most of them they'd actually have to be able to reliably find compatible matches in the first place. Most of them just take a shotgun approach. Like "Hey, here's 100 single women in your area. You're bound to hit it off with one of them." As opposed to the two or three that actually do personality assessments to show you people that you actually have something in common with.


Dating apps have & OWN more personal data about you and everything do than the government, your job, bank, Doctor does combined. They make money off of selling that.


This one is actually a mind fuck lol top drawer..


This makes sense


What do you mean “our” business Hmmm


"our" business


This is like saying google hides best results so we’ll keep on using it. You’d get the reputation for sucking and end up like bing or yahoo. Nah, get the reputation for being awesome and profit!


Wrong comparison. People don't uninstall Google after finding a perfect pancake recipe.


It makes sense, though. When the first cracks form in an until-then perfect relationship, plenty lot folks will reinstall the app that worked in a heartbeat. You better believe that all your matches and conversations are still there, as if Tinder anticipated this exact circumstance.


>It makes sense, though. When the first cracks form in an until-then perfect relationship, plenty lot folks will reinstall the app that worked in a heartbeat. Normal people don't jump ship from relationships at the first sign of adversity. Not to mention, success on a dating app means Im not using it again until it's original success fails. I can use Google multiple times in the same day and get success. Expecting a relationship to be flawless is ludicrous. The analogy was perfect.


Actually, Google *does* suppress results. It's been documented that they artificially boost YouTube results to keep it on top.


yes, they do




Of course. Tinder never matches a single girl, but shows a list of ten girls who's already like you, but they never appear in your stack so you have to pay to match.


In that same vein, the app that actually emerges to show you that match will instantly be more successful than it's competitors. Besides, there's no way to know who's most "compatible" with you given tinders simplicity and many people with no bios.


This has been proven I believe


You give them too much credit. They are not smart enough to know who you are really compatible with.


Light bulbs probably could last longer but they would go out of business eventually


As someone who gets a shit ton of matches on bumble and tinder, it's because I pay for it. They really do unlock your potential when you pay for premium and do a few boosts.


Online dating has made me a sadder person which was something I really thought wasn't possible.


They don’t actually match to begin with


Institutions will try to preserve the problem to which they are the solution.


People don't already know that this is how they function? Tinder specifically puts your "most compatible" match at the end, so you've gotta buy more swipes to match with them.


It took me 4 years to meet my husband on a dating app. I was only his 2nd date as he had recently joined. So yes but also not really.


The whole point of an app is to get you to keep using it, I wouldn’t be surprised.


Why dont yall just stop using apps


I can't read about dating apps after watching "Hang The DJ," one of my favorite Black Mirror episodes.


FYI you're never going to find you best match on any dating app.




That would be insane


The key is to right swipe on everything, it's a numbers game 100%. Just rapid swipe until you run out for the day and see what pops up.


Man with no personality + woman with bo personality + gin, travelling and the gym = " Back on this app again 🙄"


As a man here's why you should avoid OkCupid: 1. The lowest population of any of the dating apps. This greatly reduces the possibility of finding a possible match. 2. This brand is specifically targeted at people who think they are intelligent, not at people who are intelligent. This leads to a dating pool of pretentious, arrogant, toxic individuals. 3. 95% of the women who actually want to talk to you are from 3rd world countries looking to find a green card to the US. 4. They charge hundreds of dollars for essentially providing zero results. I would have had better luck simply going to a bar. 5. They claim their system creates the possibility of a near perfect match. This claim is patently false. The more information you have about someone the more likely your interests and their interests will diverge. The chances of finding someone with the exact responses that you are looking for is about the same as winning the lottery. And if they are that amazing, they're not on the app for very long. There is no such thing as a perfect match. 6. All of the women I was shown were essentially career driven women who squandered their baby making years for said career. I got the distinct feeling that most of these women were misandrists. 7. The app functions as little more than a data mining service for which you are paying money. To be contacted requires no monetary input. To reach out and try to make contact with someone requires hundreds of dollars. In other words, men are the ones who actually fund the site. 8. You don't even know how your profile looks to other people. You literally can not look at your own profile. This alone is a deal breaker. If input information into a prompt, and I edit it three or four times, I want to know what the final draft looks like. There is no option for this. I do not think it is an oversight. When I lower my standards, my options open up, not the other way around like OkCupid claims. Am I a diamond in the rough? Laughably no. At this point in my life, all I want is to not be lonely. After this experience I will never use an online dating app ever again. The only woman with whom I actually connected in any real capacity was from Brazil. To know I will never have the opportunity to meet her is soul crushing. In one phrase my experience with OkCupid was soul crushing.


Not sure about that cause I would quite often meet men who’re my type, the emotionally detached heartbreakers. Now that I think of it, this actually benefits these companies cause these dating episodes wouldn’t last long and we would both be back on the app soon.


Check how much data they store about you and try to see if it's really a random chance of matches or if they have too much information on you for that to be the case. If they are available in Europe (and probably the US) you can get all the data they have stored on you via the gdpr law.


The Hinge app 100% does this. It has a tab at the bottom called “spotlight” which is full of girls that are much closer to my type (and probably more “popular” users). But I can only send those people special likes that I have to pay for.


So... another bad match, OP?


They were created by women and hide matches for men payment plans only