T O P
Ricky_Spannnish

Besides the insanity of the first paragraph, I like how the second one says “hey if you’re feeling down, reach out to me and maybe I’ll talk to you if I feel like it”.


whatim

That last sentence is why I hope this is, like someone said above, a guy writing erotica trolling for someone to chat him up.


ReverendDizzle

It obviously is. The setup is clearly fantasy + “message me to chat about my fantasy.” The whole thing reads like a Penthouse letter written by a dude with an 8th grade education.


CatholicCajun

8th grade? You're _far_ too generous.


Drew-CarryOnCarignan

"Dear 'Penthouse', "I always enjoy reading your erotic letters. I never thought I would submit one myself. That is, until one day, when I was in a Facebook freebirth moms' group page...".


TooManyDraculas

That's a major thing in women's groups and discussion boards online. Creeps will post "questions" or shit like the above then offer to chat. Fetishists trolling or cruising for whatever the fuck. I've heard shit like posting in miscarriage support boards about how hard the miscarriage made them cum, classics like shopping board posts about "I don't know if this bra will fit, can some one with triple d's send me carefully posed photos of themselves in one that's two sizes too small?". It's why so many of these groups, pages, and what have are invite only. My small home town's "buy and sell" Facebook page is locked down like Fort Knox. It's mostly younger, recently married women or new moms looking to save a buck on baby and wedding shit. So it got inundated with shit like "I will buy your used breast pump, but send video of you using it to prove it works" and *long* jerk fest posts about grinding on that rocking horse.


whatim

Eeeeeeewwwww 🤢 Why are people like this?


waka_flocculonodular

We defunded the horny police


pillowcase-of-eels

...After a lifetime on the internet, you'd think I'd know enough to not still be horrified


Vonnybon

I saw thing recently where a member of a breastfeeding group was reporting to admins that she had discovered a man pretending to be a mom there. The admin told her to mind her own business because those men pay good money to be in the group……..


TD1990TD

😐


hipster_mcfly

“Here’s some extremely unsolicited, inappropriate, and personal information about me and my son. Anyway, you can reach out to me if you need someone to hear about *YOUR* personal life, but I might not be in the mood idk we’ll see.”


ForwardSpinach

Just coming here to say this! That last paragraph was almost *almost* sane-ish.... and then that "potentially" at the end.


iloveneuro

Potentially


Dirty_is_God

Mostly


Reluxtrue

Perchance


KendraSays

Mayhaps


miserlies

you can't just say "perchance"


EMMYPESS

This is from the satire account Kimberly Strubel, it’s not a real person, Dicky Stock runs her Facebook and instagram page. Funny thing is that he faked her death of Facebook and because of facebooks algorithms, the page is a remembrance page and he could not get Facebook to undo the Change since it’s against their policies to create fake accounts lmao


bentbutunbroken

Well her son Kent who is 14 is almost a grown man so they can totally have these conversations because he's 14. Also well worth looking into Larry and Gordon


sewsnap

That's the part that made me feel like this is a troll post. It's so off from the rest, and written to get all the WTFs.


Khajiit_Has_Upvotes

Oh it's absolutely a troll post. The last sentence was just... *chef's kiss*


ooeygooeylane

Whatever, she tryin to sell her sweet squirt in baby food jars


Here_for_tea_

Yes. All of it was terrible.


8orn2hul4

“If I’m not too busy telling my kid the reason the house stank is because I squirt everywhere and don’t clean it up.”


brando56894

This post is a whole bunch of WTF.


PinkPearMartini

At the start, he's so young he thought she was being murdered.... .... and suddenly he's old enough to know about squirt? How old is this kid? I need context before I pick out my pitchfork. Is he 8? 18? 28?


Rub-it

Whatever the age, who discusses their squirts with the son


unsavvylady

The son was probably like why does our house smell? And instead of saying perfume or air freshener she’s like it’s my squirts ugh


FuckThisPostTruthEra

Oh god I hate you for making me smell this in my mind


unsavvylady

This whole post is cursed


GFTRGC

*friends come over* It smells like sex in here.


Lucky-Worth

Squirts are pee, so son probably was wondering who was peeing everywhere


ProfessorSputin

It actually isn’t. Depending on the person and their hydration and health and stuff, it can have differing amounts of urine in it but it isn’t just urine.


Targetm12

But it is mostly urine tho


econpol

There's a term for this: covert sexual abuse


balofchez

I don't know, but she should probably see a doctor about that sweet smelling poon juice, sounds like she's an undiagnosed diabetic lol


Rub-it

Lmao, maybe her definition of sweet is different


kritycat

Oh I think it is fairly certain her definitions of A LOT of things differs from... anybody else's.


LaffyStaphy

A water gun salesman


Monkey_with_cymbals2

That was the FIRST time her heard her. Sounds like it’s been going on for years and he’s resigned to it now.


Decent-Skin-5990

He's a werewolf alpha male, duh. He can smell her squirt, so that explains it. She's the new queen of the pack so people have to adjust to her smell and juices. I feel like I read some stupid werewolf romantic novel with those unrealistic sex scenes 😬


alarming_cock

That's cause it's fake.


poodle_vest

This kid is Kent, he is a man and he is 18. I think.


EMMYPESS

I’m glad I’m not the only one who knows here lmao


Go4Darrell

She should try burning Gwyneth Paltrow's vaj candle to throw him off.


devil1fish

What possesses someone to publicly post this


Few-Cable5130

And can we please start reporting posts like this to fucking CPS and to Facebook on top of sharing on Reddit fir shock value? There is no workd where this isn't serial abuse.


Jarkanix

There also no world in which this is real, relax. It's literally written in a way just to try and get reactions out of people.


shrimpsauce91

Well it worked on me. Going to peel myself of the frickin ceiling after reading that.


ProcyonHabilis

You gotta stop believing everything you read on the internet. This is probably written by a single dude.


toexistispain

Fake internet points.


mrsniagara

yes officer this post right here


Novel_Insight

Holy fuck I wish I was illiterate


Barry-Macock

I'm going to bleach my eyes. Wanna join me?


Aggravated_Pineapple

I’ll pour yours if you pour mine


ergo-ogre

Ladies and gentlemen…The Bleach Brothers!


LionBirb

The Bleach Boys!


ergo-ogre

Goddamit. That’s what I meant to say. Too little sleep. Good for you getting it right.


Sure-Tomorrow-487

[The Bleach Boys - I Get a Round ](https://youtu.be/xYc4DT18EJg)


Ruca705

r/eyebleach just gonna put this here for everyone who needs it


zeezee1619

Thank you!


exclaim_bot

>Thank you! You're welcome!


blackandlavender

Right? This was some projectile vomit inducing stuff man. Why did you do this OP


Tertiaritus

What a terrible day to know English


grayhairedqueenbitch

Me too


aff_it

Yeah, although I'd rather not have eyes. Even folk who struggle with Literacy would kind of figure out what's happening.


sunflow3rrad

No way. There's no way this is real. This is so foul.


ladyphlogiston

Who just lets their apartment smell like sex?? Do they never open a window? Squirt a little Febreeze? Wash their sheets?


astralbuzz

She IS squirting Febreeze!


sthib28

Foul smelling....


823freckles

No, not like in a fishy way...


aff_it

More like a sweet smelling squirt...


ergo-ogre

Squeet


orange-shoe

[im gonna squeet](https://youtu.be/-aRLxuQ5uhw)


Go-to-helenhunt

My whole apartment smells like it!


aff_it

Anyways... My poor son


sunflow3rrad

Straight to jail


Sqinctersayswhat

This must be a joke, the "if you need anything, even just to talk if you're feeling down, if I'm in the mood when you reach out then I'm here for you potentially" has me cracking up


Rub-it

So you can discuss her squirts more, I am sure it’s a mood lifter


meatball77

That person gets off by writing that shit!!


mahamagee

“I’m here for you, potentially” is a brilliant sentence. 😂


desiladygamer84

I thought it was RvsW thing. "Hey I wrote this horrible thing but let's stay strong ok?"


Dembara

Nah, this post is old. Definitely read it a while ago.


crymeajoanrivers

Can someone please Men in Black me?


KarmicIvy

yes, of course, just look right here....


Thatoneguy754323

Where do you guys find these mom groups???


QuietJiujitsu95

I… well there goes my normal Sunday morning


mrsosborn_

First thing I saw when I opened Reddit just now ..


QuietJiujitsu95

Your poor soul Godspeed I have eye bleach if you need it


Mcstoni

This is the most inappropriate shit I've ever read. Talking about sex with your kids is okay(like basic birds and bees conversation), but not to this extent. Kids don't need to know dirty details, this is disgusting and alarming.


TooManyDraculas

That's cause it's some dude's incest fetish. He's either getting off on making strangers read it, or attempting to "trick" others into sending him "real" incest stories.


MythiccWifey

It feels dirty upvoting this.


reesedra

Yall we gotta start a GoFundMe for this kid's fucking therapy


Flawzimclaus82

He isn't real so I wouldn't worry so much


MildredMay

Fake and 100% written by a man/boy.


ava0002

Agree


vodkamutinis

def written by a man


ava0002

Yea. Some weirdo with an incest and squirting fetish by the look of it


Loud_Pace5750

My thoughts exactly, all the mentions of squirting, as if squirting is a very common occurence lol


key2mydisaster

That was my take as well. Sounds like a *really* bad fiction writer that is either a little too attracted to their mom, or is an adult still living with his mom, and is tired of overhearing his mom having sex while he isn't attracting any ladies.


bizmike88

This post seriously sounds like the set up for some step-mom/step-son porn.


CreepleCorn

> Not a fishy type of puss either 100% a man with a fetish.


vodkamutinis

yes! no mom calls it puss lmao


tickytavvy77

Is there a way to erase this from my brain?


Killer7_2

ok talking to your kids about sex is one thing, describing it like a freaking porno....just wtf.


kuroobloom

This is borderline criminal, have sex all you want but preserve your children nobody wants to hear their mom fucking or talk about her juices.


pistacio814sb

Can someone please pour acid into my eyes


Lucky-Worth

No but she can squirt in them. Don't worry you won't smell fishy


Affectionate-Goose41

i wish i could go back to 30 seconds ago to when i didn’t fucking know this existed


IgnorantWench

How dare you. These were my good eyes.


-KuroiNeko-

I seriously think this one is trolling. It reads almost like a copy pasta.


humble_reader22

I will never be able to unread this


ellesee_

This can’t possibly be for real?


ifoundtheavadcados

r/eyebleach for those who now need it…


nextsummersweetheart

Thanks


Fortifarse84

To whoever is reading this... One day you'll watch a random older episode of early 90s tv, hear a short/young character be called "squirt", and think of this post. You're welcome.


mrstruong

If any of your bodily fluids smell sweet, see a doctor. Diabetes is a real concern. Also, this is some serial killer making shit right here.


blondeandbuddafull

I have never met a woman in my whole life, much less a mom, that would talk like this. I call fake.


Sauteedmushroom2

I will *never* reach out to this person if I “need anything, even just to talk if I’m feeling down.” Someone send in a biohazard team to rescue this child btw.


guildazoid

Yeah nor me, because she might not be in the mood for sympathy at the very exact time I need support. Got to be troll, suuurely


rbaltimore

I think everyone in my house just heard me vomit.


Arrowdrown

Can you throw up your spine


Flaky_Mark_2445

There's been a lot of crazy sh*t that I've read on this subreddit. But for some reason this is the one that has put me over the edge and is making me leave. Sorry y'all. I wish I could say it's been fun but...you know. ✌


Fortifarse84

See you tomorrow.


Smiling_Fox

I smell fake


-QueefLatina-

Does it smell sweet or like a fishy puss smell?


considerabledragon

Unfortunately I've seen this on reddit before.... but I'm not going to google it and find out where


Chardee_Macdennis18

That’s fucking rank


Canadian-female

This was disgusting to read. It’s really too bad she’s allowed to be a parent


hotdog_relish

What a horrible day to be literate. Also how much you wanna bet this woman is one of those hashtag boymoms, and loves to talk about how no other woman will love her son like she will. Future r/justnomil material right here.


adrirocks2020

This is the first post I saw today and that’s enough internet


jakkyskum

This sounds like Kimberly Strubell


[deleted]

[удалено]


jakkyskum

I’m 99% sure it is and she’s talking about her son, Kent, who is a man


grltrvlr

BRB, going to set myself on fire 🙃


Reddit_Fool

I'm 99% sure this is fake, who would post something like that


Lacey_The_Doll

Freaks!


vivinator4

Opened Reddit for the first time today, saw this post, and that’s enough internet for me thanks bye


kc90__

Son: Mom what's that smell? Mom: Well let me tell you something squirt.


RedRoseSapphire

Eewwwww wtf is this shit???? Also how old is the poor son?? No son no matter what age should be in that situation.


barcinal

Ok I’m gonna go gouge out my eyes now, thanks


LaboriousRevelry

Can someone gouge out my eyeballs. I just skimmed it because I cringed too hard to make out full sentences. The only juice I will ever discuss with my son is of the fruit variety. Holy ish.


CraftyAstronomer4653

I’d love to see the comments on this one.


Spirited_Photograph7

“Im here for here, if I’m in the mood.”


meloon_man

r/iwanttodieafterreadingthis


omg_for_real

Why does this feel like one of those posts to get like minded people to message you?


JimmyWilson08

excuse me while i bleach my eyes


Psychological-Ad3093

What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck


bluejay_feather

I almost downvoted this off sheer reflex. If this is real she needs jail time immediately 🤢🤢🤢


casscois

You could not torture this information out of me if it was relevant and she’s just… publicly and nonchalantly posting it?


Impossible_Mud_7599

Sometimes I regret learning how to read


anaveragepotterhead

MAYBE DON'T FUCK WHERE YOUR SON CAN HEAR IT??


IndiaCee

Or smell it!


Electr0Girl

I don’t usually go to church on Sunday, but I think I need it after reading that…


knickies

Of all the things that didn’t happen, this thing happened the didn’test


suzzalyn

It’s obviously a joke. There are satire posts all of the time. It’s hilarious that people believe them.


Sum1PleaseKillMe

This is satire.


-Chemical

What the fuck did I just read and why is this the first post I see when I open this damn app??


babyfresno77

what a horrible horrible day to know how to read


headfullofpain

Isn't this like overt incest?


karlsnow89

This girl is just horny and wants some dick.


dracaenaechinecea

Idk why I read the whole thing. Shoulda stopped at the title.


PorcineLogic

Stay safe everyone ❤


molossus99

Oh sweet Jesus what did I just read


queefplunger69

Sir, this is a Wendy’s.


schmeowy

Not sure if satire or mentally ill mom who uses fb groups like a diary.


AnnaWritesErotica

So I write erotica (don't throw rocks at me, this is just how I earn a living) and this is exactly the sort of posts I see on incest subreddits, generally by men pretending to be women on alt accounts. My two cents is that this isn't really a mom, but a guy and his wank fantasy and he gets off on genuine women reading this and thinking how messed up it is. Could be a woman too, same purpose, but the chances of that are slimmer.


MythiccWifey

Bless you, I prefer this explanation rather than it being true. It seemed WAY over the top, and that’s coming from someone whose mom overshares.


dancing_light

Curious about how/where you make money writing! Genuinely :) Thanks for any tips


AnnaWritesErotica

I started with romance, but that costs a lot to produce (a hundred dollars for the cover, a hundred dollars for editing, a hundred dollars for advertising). I did not get very far with that. Two years of trying to make romance work for me, I switched to erotica, which costs like 10$ per book to produce, and I am finally making a full time income from it. I picked a niche that I know sells, and there were some sacrifices involved there, because I put money first instead of writing my own fantasies of Jason Momoa clones rescuing me from a boring life. And then it was a matter of learning to write better, faster, make sexy covers and publish more consistently. If you wanna know more, give r/eroticauthors a try. Or 20booksto50k on Facebook. They have so many free resources and inspirational stories.


tabbytigerlily

Wow, I’m an editor, and $100 to edit a whole book is nothing. As a freelancer, I would probably charge at least a couple thousand to edit a whole book, depending on the length. You don’t get your erotica edited at all?


AnnaWritesErotica

I live in Romania, where the average wage is 500$, for someone working full time and who has a university degree, the way I do. So before you say 100$ is nothing to you, consider that not everyone lives in the US or in a country in which wages are comparable to those. How are you finding clients to pay you "a couple of thousand dollars" for editing? Those rates are the highest I've ever seen quoted. You're at what, .08$/word minimum? I used locals to help me polish my books and that hundred dollars got me further than it would've been possible if I were to hit up someone internationally. I edit my erotica on my own, but the 5000 words long books I publish don't require nitpicking. People read those with a hand in their pants and their eyes generally gloss over a typo or two.


dancing_light

Thank you so much for your detailed response!


AnAbsoluteMonster

There's someone in my writing group that writes erotica for pay, I know she gets a lot of her clients off Fiverr


Waterlily898

Ok that makes me feel better


Kalendiane

BLESS YOU FOR THIS COMMENT


Killer7_2

for the sake of a kid I hope you're right.


Far-Ad-353

Where did this come from?


HannahCurlz

Started reading this to my husband and he asked me to stop before he vomited.


IndiaCee

Oh god 🤮


yolonomo5eva

WTF did I just read


chycnr78

I just want to die now


account-name-here-72

Ewwww🤢 This is not fucking right.


Waterlily898

That’s disgusting


jennRec46

My mouth is now permanently on the fucking floor. I can’t today with this one. I’m done


Fortifarse84

You may want to pick your mouth up, odds are high it's in some of oop's squirt...


MelodicAlternative57

wtf did i just read


peanutbudderlover

🤮


fluffywhitething

/r/Eyebleach


Darthmudcake

I don't even know how to explain what I feel. Eugh yuck.


holagatita

what a terrible day to know how to read.


whatevendoidoyall

what a terrible day to have eyes


flybarger

How do you go back in time to unread something?


Dangerdiscotits

If I had a fork in my hand right now I'd pop my fucking tainted eyeballs out right now. even though it's most probably a fake, it's just something could've done without reading.


amlreddit

i wish i had never learned how to read


pizza_rat_mood

“My what a lovely scent your house has, which Scentsy are you using?” “Pussy Squirt, it’s really exclusive tho. I can talk to my rep to see if she can get you one…potentially.”


extreminator

Holy incestuous fantasy, Batman!


Lissy_Wolfe

Aside from the fact that this is fucking disgusting, studies have shown that women "squirting" is nearly entirely urine. So that's what it smells like. Piss.