Just wanted to reach out and ask what a Stay at Home Parent’s job should entail if my S.O. works full time ? I know every home has their own way to do things but what are some of the basics just so my S.O. Doesn’t feel like this is a one way street.?

Just wanted to reach out and ask what a Stay at Home Parent’s job should entail if my S.O. works full time ? I know every home has their own way to do things but what are some of the basics just so my S.O. Doesn’t feel like this is a one way street.?


The basic principle should be an equal amount of leisure time. It's not fair if one person is on duty 24/7 and the other is working a 40 hour week. Equally, it's not fair if one person sits around watching Netflix all evening because they have been looking after the kids all day, and the person who works out of the home has to do all the dinner and bedtime stuff. Fair distribution really depends on the age of your kids. Mine are school age, so I expect to do the cleaning chores and laundry, except for heavy manual stuff that I can't do. When they were small, I got a lot less done during my husband's working day, so he expected to come home and cook and sort the dishes.


This is a fantastic way to look at it, which I had never considered. So often on this sub I see posts from SAHP where they’re doing everything all the time, and wondering how to split it up. But looking at it through the lens of having equal leisure time, rather than equal chores, is really the thing that makes the most sense. Every family has a different dynamic and different strengths, you just gotta make sure both able to take a break. Thanks for framing it this way! I love it.


>Fair distribution really depends on the age of your kids. >When they were small, I got a lot less done during my husband's working day, so he expected to come home and cook and sort the dishes. Quoted for truth


Equal leisure time is the perfect mindset I've been missing! This will help recalibrate. Also basic rule of thumb not leaving a mess for the other person.


During “work hours” (8-5 for our family) I handle all childcare, spouse works at full time job. During all other times we split childcare 50/50. Non-childcare related tasks are also split 50/50 - I do laundry, he mows grass. Whoever doesn’t cook does dishes. He handles finances, I handle doctor/dentist appts. We’ve worked it out so we are both contributing equally. We both made these kids, and we both live in this house, so splitting things equally is what works for us. The other big rule we have for evenings/weekends when chores need done is “no one sits down until everyone sits down.”


I really like "no one sits down until everyone sits down." I'm talking to my fiance about this tonight lol


This is our household too. Husband works outside the home full-time, whereas my full-time work includes the kids and house during those same working hours. Everything is else during non-work time is 50/50.


This is almost exactly the same way we do it. Keeping my kid alive, fed, and relatively occupied is my "9-5" (Actually 7-4 with a 2 hour nap break). I handle the finances, he makes the money. I usually do the "extra" tasks like purging old kid clothes or party planning, but we split the daily work and evening child care 50/50. He organizes weekend mornings and sometimes I even sleep in!


I love this!! No one sits down til everyone sits down.


We never made it clear but this is pretty much how we are doing things at my house as well. I like the sit down rule.


My wife does the laundry. I do everything else. She doesn’t go to the grocery store, she doesn’t take kids to school, she doesn’t take kids to appointments, she doesn’t cook, she doesn’t clean, she doesn’t do dishes, she doesn’t give kids baths, she doesn’t deal with anything around the house. When she has a day off from work she will watch the kids so i can do yard work, run errands, work on a project.


My husband is also a doctor and I do all that and the laundry. What does he do at home? Complain when he has to do anything at home. I hurt my back and he had to do all the childcare and cooking this weekend. He lost his shit because he “didn’t get a break” I literally do everything all week long and actually have to be bedridden to get a break. Yeah I’m more pissed off about this than I thought I was. Still, he complains more so clearly his job must be harder, right? Not so sure


My wife is pretty good about complaining about work. I'd love to see her work a single shift of my old job when I was a chef working 80-90 hour weeks supporting her through medical school... Please, cry to me more about having to see 10 patients through telehealth and then having to sign the notes the scribe wrote for you while you sit out on the deck with your glass of wine.


Is this set up working for you?


The best any setup can be mid pandemic with no family to help within 1000 miles and two young kids. Certainly once both kids are old enough to be in school ( oldest is in 1st grade now, but youngest is 3) I'll have a lot more free time on my hands to get stuff done around the house and to maybe actually get some "me time". I think we're both a little burned out right now ( me with the kids and her being a Dr in the middle of a pandemic)


1000 miles is 1609.34 km


Well it varies from family to family. In my house,my job description is super simple. Everything. I do all the errands, doctors appt, grocery shopping, etc. I also do all the cleaning, laundry, cooking, organizing. I also homeschool our kids. I keep our schedule, I buy birthday presents, I keep track of who needs new shoes, who needs to be where and all that stuff. Basically I do everything except work. If I want my husband to do something, I just ask and he does. Its not a big deal. This is just works for us like I said. Everyone is different. This is best discussed with your spouse so you guys are on the same page.


This is the same for my family


Exactly the same here. I do everything but mow the grass (which we pay for) and my husband works. If I need him to do something, he does it no problem. When I need me time, I arrange it ahead with him on a day off or enlist my mom and best friend to help out. This is what works for us, we're both happy with the arrangement. Our agreement was we can reassess anytime one partner feels they need to.


Exactly the same here. Homeschooling and all. Honestly it’s a huge blessing to be able to do it.


This is our home too


Same, but on one weekend per month we get to switch. I work Saturday and Sunday and he takes care of the kids. It helps us appreciate each other a lot.


Same for my household as well.


Same with our family! As a Christian I believe it is my duty to take care of both our family and the home while my husband provides for us❤


Yep, me too! And I love it! My husband plays with the kids and does the bedtime prayers, and if I'm falling behind in the housework he'll happily pitch in. But I make sure he doesn't have too much to do at home after working hard at his job all day. I've also learned to observe what he comments on and focus on that. So for my husband, a fully stocked fridge is important. So I'm likely to make sure I go to the store every day, even if it means the floors don't get vacuumed as much. I don't know why you're getting down voted except Reddit hates Christians and our opinions are worth less to them. Don't worry about it.


I’m a Christian also and I’m sorry you’re getting downvoted for it. My husband and I always knew we wanted one spouse home with the kids, and we wanted to homeschool, but honestly none of that was because of our faith. It just happens to be popular in our circle, but we’d do it anyway. I never take it for granted.


Agree with you! I do my best to keep the house running and the kids fed, clean, happy, and taught. We’re an equal team, but we have different roles that play to our strengths and the way we were designed! ❤️


It may be worth getting your partner's perspective on how things are going with household tasks. I've had days where I've vacuumed, mopped the floors, washed the windows, and deep cleaned the kitchen and by the end of the day you can't tell I've done a damn thing. Depends on how destructive my kids are feeling on that particular day, and on what type of fort they built in the family room while I was cleaning the kitchen. My house is clean, but not all at the same moment, and sometimes when I point out to my husband what I actually did all day long it changes his perspective.


So much depends on the age of the kids. At 8 or 12 weeks postpartum I was still healing and so I did laundry and took care of the baby and tried to help with other stuff but my husband took care of everything else and some non essential things just didn't get done. Our daughter is nearing 8 months old so more tasks are getting completed and I've taken a few things off my husband's plate. I think streamlining tasks has been essential. Grocery pick up, hello fresh, chewy.com, and Amazon have made our lives easier. Oh and we couldn't live without our robo-vac, thanks shark. also, if it were not for covid I would have hired a once a month house cleaner to deep clean.


Let me just add that watching an infant is a full time job. If you hired a nanny you'd pay her to watch your infant but not to clean your house too.


We have an 8 month old. Things are good if he is alive, I manage grocery shopping/meal planning, acquiring things he needs, and laundry. Husband does cooking, dishes, his own laundry, and outside things. I was doing more dishes before baby was crawling, but right now he is a complete hazard to himself and needs constant watching.


Keeping my kid alive, fed, and in reasonably good health. My husband and I split chores during the week pretty evenly. We also do a deep-clean of the house on Saturdays. I do also keep the mental tab of doctor’s appointments, prescriptions, clothing sizes etc.


There's an interesting aspect of psychology where it studies how it doesn't matter whether the distribution of work is actually 50/50 - it matters if the two people in the relationship FEEL it's balanced. In my home, husband works full-time and is expected to help watch baby when I'm cooking after his work if I need him to. He helps with cleaning on occasion. We split the bedtime rituals about 50/50, with him doing dishes while I do bath, then me doing laundry while he feeds baby and does storytime. Baby sleeps from about 7:30pm to 7:30am, so we both have night time to hang out together or separately. On weekends, he mows the lawn and every once in while will watch baby for a couple hours. His chosen career path requires him to continually study for and pass exams (think like the MCAT, but 10 of them), so he spends some weekend time studying. He handles a lot of things that I don't want to do when they come up, like changing air filters and getting car inspections. I handle the vast majority of the childcare and the cleaning. Cooking, changing diapers, and laundry are wholly my responsibilities. A lot of the social stuff, like gift-giving, writing cards, and scheduling time with family fall to me. I also track monthly expenses in a spreadsheet we go over together. My husband loves finances and reads about them in his spare time. He sets a lot of the goals and organizes our retirement accounts. Does it seem even? Doesn't matter. It feels even. We both would choose our lives over each other's lives. Both of us spend so much more time doing things that we either like to do or don't mind doing.


This is the healthiest responsei have read thus far. Keep crushing as a family. Much love!


Thank you! That's very sweet of you to say. :)


Similar to others, I take on the routine, including feeding and interacting with the toddler during work hours. I make sure we get our grocery list together and order “placed” (we have a family member doing our shopping though that may change soon). I’m responsible for the little guys laundry, his dishes (we just switched from bottles and I washed every single one of them), his milk (were slowly moving off formula for digestive reasons). I’m the one who makes sure the little guy has the clothes, toys, diaper cream, etc that he needs. Dishes, laundry, and most of the time planning out dinner, though sometimes I need another set of hands to actually make anything so it waits till he has the little guy after work. We split the work for the dog, though to be fair he does the majority of that work. He changes our sheets though I often have to suggest or ask him to (he’s picky about how the sheets are and I have a bad back, it’s easier for it to be his job). If I don’t dust it doesn’t get done, he does the majority of the vacuuming because he enjoys it (lol), and again, I have a bad back/neck/shoulders. He empties the diaper pail and trash, puts trash out on trash day, and takes care of the house and yard. I worked in child development so he defers to me on what is age appropriate etc. for the little guy. I also plan out the majority of gifts for our son or family members and keep us on top of important birthdays and gifts for the nieces/nephews/our goddaughter. I occasionally feel like I’ve “failed” on some of the household cleaning things, but we have an understanding that as someone who deals with chronic pain, my “battery” for the day starts with a lower capacity than others do. So he’s very understanding if the only things I got done in a day were meeting baby’s needs. If our son weren’t high risk we’d likely hire someone to come in a few times a month to help with the cleaning, and I made it a stipulation if we ever have another baby. We plan on homeschooling, I’d be ok doing all the work there but he really wants to be involved with certain subjects so we’ll figure out that balance when we get there. We’ll likely research and decide on curriculum together. This weekend we got a lot done on several projects we’ve been trying to get done and we talked out what “jobs” we each had and then worked them so that someone was always on duty with the little dude. (We basically are and have been in total isolation because our son is on oxygen, so there’s no outside help aside from the family member who does our shopping and drops it off no contact)


Hmm, I'll bite. My tasks as a sahm of two girls (3 and 1) include but are not limited to: cooking/procuring all meals and snacks, dressing the little one/helping the older one dress herself, cleaning the kids' car seats as needed, changing diapers on the little one/assisting with toileting for the older one, all laundry for everyone (I have a schedule and do 2-3 loads per day Monday-Friday and take the weekends off), grocery shopping (curbside pickup, thanks covid), house tidying (clean the bathrooms, vacuum the rug, mop the hard floors, wipe down the kitchen counters daily, change linens weekly), make medical/dental appointments and take kids to those, maintaining our monthly budget/making sure the regular bills are paid (on the flipside, my husband handles our investments), keeping our two dogs fed/watered/walked/healthy/UTD on vet appointments, making sure birthday cards are sent to extended family, and generally keep everything afloat so husband can go do his job and not have to worry about home. He works 5-6 days per week, 11ish hours plus a 1-hour commute.


The way we deal with things in our home is that if one person is working, the other one is too. So if I’m trying to bathe our daughter and get her down to bed my husband is similarly doing something productive like tidying the kitchen or folding laundry. He doesn’t just lounge around after work and expect me to wait on him. During the day my primary responsibility is keeping my child alive and well and sometimes it’s all I can manage but usually I manage a load of laundry, to pick up the house, and make dinner.


In addition to the "nobody gets a break until everybody gets a break" thing that someone else has already mentioned, I also like to ask myself, "What would I expect of someone who was caring for my child in their home, for pay?" Because at some point I assume you'd be irked if the person you were paying to care for your child spent too much time doing their own family's dishes and laundry and cleaning. You'd think, "Come on, I'm paying you to give my child lots of attention and affection and education, not ignore them while you wash your family's breakfast dishes," right? So yeah, spending 8 hours *just* paying attention to the kid and then splitting chores after that is totally fine in my book. Plus, we tend to try to split chores such that everyone at least gets a change of routine. After 5:00, SAHP takes on the grocery shopping so that the working spouse doesn't have to sit in more traffic and do more tedious adult stuff, and working spouse takes over childcare so SAHP gets a respite from that, etc.


In our house, sahp is the parenting part. Little is only 18 months though, and we live in three stories, so it's very difficult for me to try to do laundry/chores and keep an eye on him. Mostly I just keep him occupied.


My husband does the grocery shopping, mows the lawn, pays bills, takes out the trash, and takes care of LO first thing in the morning so I can sleep in. I pretty much do everything else but he does pitch in.


Im up at 530/6 to work out. From about 8-530, I do all child care and home duties. During the 2 hour nap my daughter takes, I clean house, do yard work, do paperwork, etc. I get supper going around 5:15. After dinner I clean up while my husband hangs out with our daughter- usually outside, and then I join them. My husband handles bath time and we read to our daughter together and then put her down for the night.


My husband typically does bedtime with the kids. He’s been more in charge of getting the kids to clean up after dinner now that they are older. I do most of the housework (I do work part time every other weekend and he takes care of things here while I’m out). I figure since he has an ending time - I do to (in terms of cleaning and such).


My husband works 10 hrs a day, 4 times a week with an hour commute each way. I take care of our son all day, make sure the house is clean, do laundry, take my son to doctor’s appointments, and make dinner. In addition to his work my husband does the yard work on weekends, pays the bills (since I have no income), and handles any home repairs. My husband grocery shops on his way home on his last night of work each week since he drives by the grocery store. We all eat dinner and do the baby’s bedtime routine (bath, story, feeding) together so that my husband has time to see our son during the week and we can bond as a family. We split night feeding duties (ex. last night was “my night” to wake up in the middle of the night, tonight is “his night” and so on). We do a lot as a family on the weekends (run errands, go on day trips, play with the baby), but will also take turns caring for the baby so the other gets some alone time.


It is different for each family. there's no real way to say here's how you do it. Generally, house cleaning, dishes, laundry, taking care of kids, driving them places, paying bills, checking the mail, taking care of pets, etc.


My jobs are childcare, cooking, laundry, and basic cleaning. My husband does the dishes for the most part, since I cook. He sometimes does laundry since his home office is right next to the laundry room. We split childcare when we are both around. He does most of the household fixit stuff - I’m able to but if it were left to me it wouldn’t happen as quickly. He makes most of our appointments, I do all the shopping/ordering of clothing and other supplies for our child. With the pandemic he’s done most of the grocery shopping as he’s the one who drives - previously we generally did it as a family or my son and I would run some local errands on foot/the bus for more immediate needs. We have a cleaning service every two weeks. My son is now at preschool three days a week so I am ramping up what I do at home - which includes doing more gardening and organizational projects more than it means doing more regular chores haha.


Read the book Fair Play by Eve Rodsky. Just finished reading it and it was a game-changer in our household!


I just want my kids, fed, healthy and attended to. I'll do whatever needs to get done when I get home/weekends


Thank you all for your responses. Just to be 100% transparent: I work 40+ hours a week, am the sole provider for a family of two (+me makes 3), and am constantly arguing with my S.O. Over what we both need to contribute. My SO is a great mother (we have a 3yr old) but a horrible at keeping a home. She stays up late and sleeps in everyday. She does enough dishes to fill the strainer once. Laundry is same way and half the time has to be rewashed because it smells like mildew. Coming home to dinner cooked (or even started) is a very rare occasion. I have no problem taking turns or helping out but I’m at my wits end when I have to do it ALL. After proof reading this I will be changing my flair to rant instead of question. Thank you all for your time and input. Like literally all I ask for is a semi clean home, clean clothes for work, and to be fed. I handle all the bills, do the yard work, I don’t cheat or beat, hell I even quit drinking. Am I doing something wrong or just building a life with a lazy person?


I would like to add that rarely is someone just lazy. There's usually a reason behind it. I suffer from depression, and that can make it really hard to get out of bed or off the couch to do any housework. You're right to be upset - but just arguing won't fix it. You need to get to the root of the cause. It may not be depression or anxiety, but it's more than likely very fixable. Wish you the best!


I second this. I deal with ADHD. Even with medication, I still need a ridiculously elaborate system of coping mechanisms to keep on top of things. My kids are 3.5 and 1.5 and are basically the exact opposite of helpful in managing my symptoms. Particularly the 3 year old - he's a master at derailing my train of thought with his constant questions. Today during the younger one's nap I was meant to be painting a closet, instead I ended up learning all about different kinds of bees and their nests and how honey is made because we had honey at lunch and 3yo asked how bees make honey. To outside appearances I probably look lazy, but the reality is that I'm just constantly struggling with a total inability to prioritize tasks.


Ahh I see. I will say this. I have 4 kids. Ages 11 to 19 months. I will deep clean the living room and mop the floors and get everything perfect and within 5 seconds of the 3 year old getting up from his nap, it’s destroyed. He’s a tornado of destruction, and it’s very stressful. I’m sure to my husband there might be days where the house looks exactly like he left it, but that alone takes effort. I’m not saying your spouse is superwoman, but just that taking care of kids is a lot of invisible work. As for the laundry, loads do get left in washer. It happens. It sucks, but that’s life. You need to have a real conversation. Not accusing, not blaming. Just ask what she needs to be able to get the laundry and other things done. Maybe she needs a break and to get away from the kid for a little while. Maybe she needs a date night. Maybe she needs to set an alarm on her phone to remind her to switch the load over. There’s no easy way to have this conversation really. The other thing I do when Im in a cleaning rut is to buy something new for cleaning/organizing. Like I’ll get a new mop, or some bins, or something to motivate me to clean more. I don’t spend a lot because of budget, but some new cleaners that smell good and a new pair of “work” shorts, is really all I need to get going again. Offer that to her and see if that helps. Ask her what would make her life easier so she does do all this stuff for you guys. Good luck!


It’s quite possible your wife completely prioritizes interaction with your child over all else, so chores go undone. And that’s great! Some couples I know view the SAHP as more of a teacher than a homemaker, and divide chores 50/50. Most on here view it as more of a balance between the two, with SAHP taking on more labor in the home and then dividing up what is left. I doubt she is “lazy”. The temperament of the child matters a lot too - some 3 year olds require constant monitoring and supervision, some play independently. Give your wife the benefit of the doubt, though it sounds like a (calm and non-judgmental) discussion is in order for you to understand better.


“I don’t cheat or beat” my wife is such a low bar lmao.


Yeah that comment gave me major red flags.


Sorry I’m not a wordsmith or gooey ball of love. I’m a good man and do sweet stuff for my SO


I think it’s super important to communicate to each other your expectations. During my first pregnancy I worked a full time 40 hour/week job, was a full time student who took 6 classes, and I’d still come home at 8:30 pm and cook dinner for us because I wanted to be a “great partner,” but now that’s just not realistic. I quit working to stay home with our baby and I pretty much do everything at home because my husband’s job is physically demanding and I try to give him a break. I’m currently pregnant again, and our other baby is 16 months which is kind of a tricky age because he’s constantly learning new things, but also getting into everything! My husband understands that the house is not always going to be spotless, dinner is not always going to be made, and if he needs clean clothes, he knows exactly how to wash them. I try to cook most days but on occasion I need a break, so we order in. Again, these are all things we’ve discussed, and are on the same page about. He cares about my sanity and my mental health, so he’s very understanding and he does help out with our 16 month old where he can, like baths, diaper changes, stuff like that.


Hmm so this was a trap so we could all tell you that your SO is lazy? Not cool. I agree that maybe something else is going on with the your SO and their mental health. Do they ever get a day off like you do? If not, might be nice to start there and have a conversation about what support they need right now.


Not at all a trap. I’m asking for advise. I worded it like that so I didn’t seem like a nagging spouse (after commenting I even changed flair) Clearly since I’m being downvoted to shit I am in the wrong. I appreciate everyone’s Criticism. Like I said I want this to be a two way street so I had to ask to see if my mindset needs to reevaluated. Again Thank you all.


Thanks for clarifying. I hope you guys work it out. Btw my routine is not as intensive as some of folks who deep clean their house like every day. Try to keep the floors clean by vacuuming a few times a week and sweeping after Meals. Swiffer is so helpful. Dishes (no dishwasher) are a pain and happen a couple times a day. Laundry: I wash and dry, hubby folds at night and we put away together. I make dinner about 3-4 days a week and my partner handles the others, with a freezer meal or take out tossed in depending on how crazy the day was. 2.5 yo kid and we are potty training which, wow, can be so labor intensive keeping an eye on during the day alone right now. Trips to the park and hikes, Reading and art projects. Which, well seems like balanced out to a happier kid vs a cleaner house some days. Also, some days if kiddo is losing his ever loving mind, it’s just survival mode. Keep them and yourself alive and fed and relatively happy. Get back to business next day. Good luck to you and your SO, and enjoy your family time. ETA: might need to clean the washing machine. Some get funky especially the newer machines. I know if left in long enough it gets stinky but might also be the machine. They start smelling like cheese on the gaskets and the filter needs cleaned.


Your insight as well as everyone else’s has brought a lot of things to my attention I haven’t thought to address. Thank you all very much 🙏


My husband also works 40+ hours a week at a machine shop so his job is very physically demanding. Also knowing he has to leave for work by 4:15am every morning I do my best to make sure his day runs smoothly. I handle all doctors appointments, grocery shopping, getting new clothes for everyone when needed. Dishes, laundry, bathing our son/taking care of every need he has. From my point of view it feels like the least i can do to contribute to keep harmony and balance in our lives. I don't want to come off as insensitive to your SO or anything, but this isn't fair to you.. I know there's days when my 1yr old is having a very rough day/clinging to me and just isn't letting me get anything done. So of course those days some chores get left behind for the next day. Is it maybe possible your SO is struggling with some type of depression? Or perhaps maybe she could catch up on housework at night since she's awake anyhow? My son LOVES to help with chores, sometimes he's a little less than helpful, but maybe she could get your LO to help her out with putting laundry into baskets? Hopefully you both can reach some kind of balance soon.


I highly suggest that you walk a mile in your wife's shoes before passing judgment. Have you ever done a day solo? Send her out for a day (or better yet, a weekend), then do everything you expect her to do and make sure to engage with your kid, not just shove them in front of the TV.


Seems like your so isn’t pulling her weight and from what you said she seems kind of lazy. Of course you’re gonna get dragged because this is Reddit and most of these people expect their spouse to work full time, pay the bills, give them money, and come home to a dirty house and work some more. I will agree that kids destroy the house as soon as you clean it and cooking can be difficult with kids around. But if you say it’s rare to have things done then she’s not doing her part. I’m depressed on medication and still manage to get things done and organized. It’s called stop being lazy and put your phone away.


While husband's at work, I handle all child care and household duties. I take the kids to and from school, clean up, cook meals, go grocery shopping, laundry, pay bills, and other stuff I probably forgot. When he's home, childcare and household duties are 50/50. He takes care of the cars, home repairs, and some cleaning that I may not have gotten to during the week. Our kids are old enough to do dishes, take out the garbage and mow the lawn.


Husband brings older kid to daycare in the mornings on his way to work. I stay home with the baby and pick kid up after lunch. I cook all meals, clean, and do all of the laundry. I basically do all of the house stuff. When husband is working, I handle the children 100% alone, including scheduling and taking them to their activities and appointments. When husband is home, we share the duties. So he may occupy the kids while I finish up dinner. He helps with bath and bedtime. Weekends are also split with childcare, however we each may have free time away from the home or in the home. He may workout or take a nap. I can also run errands, spend time alone in our room, etc. We communicate about what’s coming up so we know who needs to watch the kids alone and when.


I don't think ours is equal but I cook all the meals, do all the cleaning, read up and figuring out parenting related stuff, handle the bills, and almost all errands. I also try to take the kids out once a day to play outside, do educational and fun stuff daily with them. Help teach my 4yo independence skills.


I think it depends on age. I have a toddler and a newborn. Generally I am in charge of everything that happens when he is at work. When he gets home we split it. I cook dinner, he does dishes. He does bath and bed, I use that time to tidy up, laundry, make his lunch, whatever. After that we both shower and I get some time to do whatever I want. Before baby I got a lot done during the day. Now I don’t get much done between nursing, contact naps, and spending time with the toddler. So lately as soon as the toddler is in bed it’s a mad scramble between my husband and I to do as much as we can while the other one is in charge of the baby. Generally by 9:30 we call it quits, and we both relax with some tv, snack, talking, etc. until bedtime. As the baby gets older I will start doing more during the day again.


As the working one I've always wondered this too, it is so hard to find what feels like a fair balance


I take care of everything in the house when my husband is not home. I make all the meals, he’s not much of a cook but occasionally on weekends he’ll help out and grill or pick up something for us. I do the laundry, cleaning the house, running around with the kids to taekwondo. When I do take the older two to taekwondo he will watch our toddler and put him down for the night. On the weekends he will help with household chores and doing things like washing our cars, yard work, and picking up groceries if needed. I let him sleep in extra on Saturdays and he’ll allow me to sleep in on Sunday if I want. It wasn’t always equal and I was extremely frustrated when we first moved in and got married especially since I brought my four and six year old into the equation but I spoke up and told him I needed more help.


I do everything while he’s at work including cleaning and cooking and when he gets home we usually split childcare and he does lawn and car stuff. Honestly he works super hard so I try to match that during the day. I keep our home really clean and wouldn’t dare make him do extra chores when he gets home unless I’m sick.


I am a WAHP, but my new job doesn't start until the 27th. My husband works 6 days a week on a labor intensive job, regardless of weather. I cook Sun-Wed, Thuraday is clean out the fridge night, Fri and Sat are take-out. He doesn't want me doing it constantly. He vacuums all the foors, gathers and takes out all garbage, does all yardwork, deals with the cat litter. He runs all the errands. Brings kids to school and picks them up. He wakes with kids and gets them ready in the morning. Any extracurricular, he handles. Once he is home for good for the day, he takes over duty with the baby so I can get work done until one hour before bedtime for kids and baby, when I am off for the night. Usually he does homework help while playing guitar and I cook dinner with the baby in the bouncer of in the Tula. Kids load and unload dishwasher on the weekends, wipe counters. Clean their rooms, wash and dry their laundry, I fold, they put away. I cook all meals, plan all food, order from instacart, put away, prep for the week, wash doshes when I can get to the with the baby being peaceful and wash all other laundry that doesn't belong to the two older kids. I try to sweep and mop whenever possible. We switch off who has bathtime with the baby on diff nights. I know this isn't a typical response, but this is how it works in our house. We have tried it other ways, but we all seem to like it this way ..and it is run much more efficiently this way. Some things he prefers to do, like waking with kids and dropping them off at school, and some I prefer to do, like laundry and cooking.


It kinda goes up and down in our house and goes by need instead of chore. Right now I (the SAHP) am really struggling with my mental health. My dad died a month ago and I'm just struggling to do more than keep my kid happy, fed and healthy. She also has hand, foot and mouth disease so there's a lot more snuggling than usual going on. I'm also struggling to get a rare eye disease under control. So, my husband has picked up a lot of the slack. However, there are times where it feels like I'm doing everything and he's doing nothing. Other times neither of us are up to so a lot, and that's okay too because cleaning isn't moral and doesn't decide your worth.


My husband puts the kids to bed every night, usually does their full bedtime routine (clothes, teeth and story) He changes the nappies and obviously is hands on with the kids all the time. He does the bins and on his days off he helps with the dishes and laundry. Usually, I do the rest. I feel very lucky. He does his upmost to help with whatever I need. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with house work, especially if he had a long work week. Other times I feel guilt for having him help so much. You'll work out a good balance between the two of you I'm sure.


Husband and I are both home yet I’m still our child’s caregiver 90% of the time… he loads the dishes and I unload them… I cook for me and my daughter but he eats something different ( picky eater) he does his laundry but doesn’t fold it…it’s easier said than done to get someone to do his share but what if that said person doesn’t think they should be doing certain things?


Keep the kid(s) alive. I've been a SAHP for 6.5 years now. My biggest realization in that time is my one and only job is the kids (clothing, feeding, entertaining, educating). The cleaning is split between my husband and myself after he finishes work or on weekends. I might occasionally do laundry, dishes, or pick up in the choose of the day, but I no longer consider it part of my job. I do breakfasts and lunches, my husband makes dinner. This shift works well for our family.