T O P
roastbot

OP's Bio: --- >Hobbies: baking, food, travel, lifting. Busy with work and my hubby and our dogs, and avoiding cardio. --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.


chrisk114

And then you let a one night stand get you pregnant


misterdemonor

What’s he having? Sloppy Joes or Farts?


Toddlez85

He’s having a Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo


Voog824

He said he loved him!!


_a_random_nobody

Happy cake day


Stachemaster86

Everyday is OP’s cake day. Shirtless


_a_random_nobody

😂😂


khuligan_shon

Did they kick you off the men's teem when you got pregnant?


berrey7

He failed the test for the team. > Many people on steroids notice increased fat in the abdomen, face, and neck.


Lightmyspliff69

Yeah, and you might need to start timing your contractions, ypur belly button is already dilating.


losemybreath4444

😆😆😆


Ezrider2026

Are you invite Reddit to the gender reveal? Built like the Philly phanatic ![gif](giphy|ToMjGpkUnmPSkMKmh6o|downsized)


Tsunami-Steve

![gif](giphy|Ur1a0ArwYwfFA5aOtU)


captamericaftw

It's not a tumah.


imastreamsniper

![gif](giphy|nj257YL538Gdy)


losemybreath4444

Inspirational


JJP77

"that's how I met your mother"


Noir24

"Your mother shamefully had his pregnant belly out and bumped it into my head"


Sigerlion

You may want to read his bio and change that to "father".


bigdaddyt2

You ever sucked dick for a cheeseburger?


Intelligent_Map_4852

You ever had dick cheese burger?


bongfuckerr

mafuckas with guts like that are definitely aaauuuun the cheeseburgers dog


MediocreSkyscraper

Gutformers, Randy's in disguise


Hairyvacuum

Frig off Jroc!


thedoomdevice

Fuck yes I want chili on those pancakes!


pptt22345

Why you looking at my gut fer?


Orbitoldrop

Look everybody is looking at your gut, it's fucking huge


I_Am_Just_A_Loser

HOLY SMOCKS ITS ACTUALLY HIM


GreatBananaBoat

Randy's guuut, is filled with dirty ol'cheeseburgers 🎶


TheRevTholomeuPlague

![gif](giphy|xTiTngnVmDPLaQ2L4s|downsized)


K3LL1ON

"Nam sayin?"


FormerlyScaredMoney

Nice cheeseburger locker you got there


mikisaurus

Tpb 4 the win!


darthanders

Strip the chrome off a trailer hitch...


random_saint

I guess hold me closer tiny dancer isn't an option anymore


syahir77

He couldn't see his tiny dancer.


freddiemercurial

It might be tiny, but I doubt it dances anymore.


Realladaniella

Hold me closer belly dancer


losemybreath4444

I can hold you bout two feet away is the closest haha


Madcatterr

“I want to see fat Thor” Mom-“we have fat Thor at home.” Fat Thor at home..


losemybreath4444

Omg this is my fav comment, I love fat Thor. Such an inspiration


NbyN-E

See, that's your problem right there


Madcatterr

Happy to help


willengineer4beer

*It’s just Kevin Federline hoping he can finally make his big break with Hemsworth stepping away from acting.


Cryptobumb

Best comment ever


acousticsking

Harbor Freight Thor.


silvershine06

Yo he's straight up looking like the god of war Ragnarok Thor


AriMeowber

and now you hang out in a trailer park with Mr Lahey.


hedgehog-mom-al

IM MOWIN THE AIR RAND


TheStarsFell

You feel that, Randy? There's a shitstorm comin'.


Sometimes_She_Goes

The way the shit clings to the air


AlbertaWelder

he is the official dirty dancer


Orbitoldrop

You know what a Shit Barometer is Bubs?


TheStarsFell

I STILL cannot think of that scene without giggling like a little school girl lmao. That and Ricky's pronunciation of Jalapeño just make me so giddy.


StolenCamaro

The subtle humor that was worked into the jalapeño scene is awesome. First, Ricky just saying it blatantly wrong, then being incorrectly corrected as “j is silent” (it is not), and then finally Bubbles gets as close as the boys are gonna get by saying “the j’s like an h” while still completely omitting the ñ. And then Ricky says he knows how to say it but he ordered jalappino. It really is brilliant in its stupidity.


blimpcitybbq

zesty mordant


garfobo

Mafuckers with guts like that are definitely ON the cheeseburgers


Nice-n-Rough

Basketball eatin, walrus ass mafucka


setapiesitatub

10 cheeseburger eatin Rico Suave looking mafk


Moosepowers

You gonna stand there and tell me you're not pregnant with a bucket of chicken?


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Whitty729

G’nome sayin?


turdmachine

It looks like Lahey is in that cheeseburger locker


yeezyfoam1991

R.I.P Mr Lahey I hope he is flying high with the ShitAngels.


Snewp

He's up there watching sexy ass Julian in the shower bud.


Phrankespo

"I am the liquor"


hellocuties

“A liquor captain never abandons a sinking shit ship, Randy.”


tallyhall10987-

I'm not in liquor I am the liquor


kustomdeluxe

I hear chicken. I hear cola fizz, and mustard and relish coagulating together with french fries and onion rings, but you know what? I don't hear a heart, mahfucka


CarolFukinBaskin

J-ROC was the realest


HandofTheKing1

He's definitely on the cheeseburgers.


Origin87

Greeaaaaaasy ![gif](giphy|ycagKBYEmaili)


PistisDeKrisis

*"HEY, CAN I GET TWELVE CHEESEBURGERS? NOWHAIMSAAAYIN!"*


Bossman_1

This guy is selling mackerel out of the back of a car. Dude is in Philadelphia Collins territory.


hugh_h0ney

Green eggs and BAMMMM 💥


JunkCrap247

whaddaya lookin at ma gut fer?


Mike_Hawk069

A man’s gotta eat…


mrbert74

Smokie escorting for cheese burgers again


Lank_the_Tank

Ol’ basketball eating walrus ass mothafucka.


hungryhungryhonky

He's hookin' for cheeseburgers


r3dout

Bo-Bandy hookin' for cheeseburgers again.


skonthebass24

Halfway to a fist fight with Ricky from the looks of it


LeekBright

RAAAANDYYY


Bigmountainmikeog

Whatcha starin at my gut fur


extreme_snothells

When you get cremated it will sound like someone dropped bacon in a frier.


losemybreath4444

Bahahaha


Lost_Ohio

Did you, the biggest dancer, eat the smaller dancers for dominance. I bet you could do the Farley Chippendales routine perfectly. It'd be like nothing changed.


RhinoBuckeye

I just made that exact same sound


Squeezemachine99

I hope they can save the babies


roge0934

Athlete? My dude, you were the ball that grew limbs


campatterbury

Or ran the 5k to Golden Corral


losemybreath4444

I love that place, heaven


Thewaffleofoz

I’m not saying this because it’s r/roastme, I rarely comment on this subreddit, so please know this comes from genuine disgust when I say what the fuck is wrong with you. Who the fuck willingly goes to a golden coral. Moldy old dry salad bar, greasy cooked to shit taco bars, tiny anemic steaks, an atmosphere that can only be described as a diner in the backrooms, and oh lord that depressing fucking dessert bar. Please STOP my guy, I’m begging you.


GooseNYC

We don't really have then by me, so I went to one in Orlando about 6 years ago. The food was passable and they certainly had a variety. But then about 5 hours layer and just felt blah. Like I had eaten too much canned food. I remember being high (weed) in college years and years ago and I got a bunch of cans of Dinty Moore's shit stew and eating them all. It was the same feeling. Plus I have done low carb for years so the options were somewhat limited.


Stachemaster86

Damn, that’s a lot of sodium in those cans! I feel guilty after eating one every few months after straining some of the gravy off.


Cannibalcopas

Don’t forget the Chocolate Wonderfall that has had every booger crusted kid finger dipped into it at least 20 times an hour


Happysavage228

Mhm


JJP77

RemindMe! 9 months


bigly_yuge

I think he's due this week tho 😅


D1rtyH1ppy

Apparently guys can get pregnant from butt secs


Totally_Temporary

*boignant


Quiet_Statement01

😂😂😂😂


ScrantonStrangler209

Your tits look great


losemybreath4444

Thank you


Delicious-Cancel6918

![gif](giphy|l41Yy4J96X8ehz8xG)


JewelCove

Fucking Chuck Norris


Oldgatorwrestler

Who is the dad?


losemybreath4444

Burger King 🍔


Stachemaster86

Forgot to wrap his Whopper again


manwithabazooka

I guess that makes you a Burger Queen?


losemybreath4444

💀


Darth_Revans_Fart

Your beer belly has a beer belly


badbizzzness

My belly looks like that too! I'm 30 weeks pregnant, how far along are you? Jealous your tits look better than mine though.


losemybreath4444

Bahahah


OrdinarySuspicious22

Chunk N Dales dancer I'm sure.. You are still an athlete at the kitchen table games..


Analog0

The truffle shuffle and foosball count as dancing and athletics now.


illegitimate_Raccoon

Does the daddy know you're pregnant?


losemybreath4444

Ronald McDonald won’t return my calls


WhotheHellkn0ws

Ronald knows what you did with Burger King


MitchMcConnellsJowls

Probably a belly dancer. Amirite?!?


bruiser566

Hobbies: Food, Baking, Drinking, Eating, Binging, Gorging, Supper, Lunch, Breakfast Buffets


losemybreath4444

And how I’m turned on 😆


kalslacg

How do you know? You can't see down there


Ganacsi

He meant now but clearly nothing much up there under all that hair.


imastreamsniper

Bobandy


Babygirl1372

Listen you can still be a dancer, a lot of people have a fetish for pregnant strippers!


zillapz1989

Just looking at this gave me high cholesterol.


JJDBaca

"Use to be an athlete/dancer... then this fat guy ate. me. Please, get me outta here."


dddirtbag

Roasting you would feed a family of 12


losemybreath4444

😆


bloodeagle231

I’ve never seen a more jacked fat guy.


losemybreath4444

Why thank you


awsumnate

For real though... very handsome. I may be thirsting


ImpressivePurchase44

Not a trailer park boy, but not yet a trailer park man.


turdmachine

I guess Randy ate Mr Lahey :(


Jugghead58

I’d arm wrestle you but I don’t think I could get close enough.


MarJulAle

You look like you swallowed an athlete/dancer.


PkrWdPimp

Dude what would make you think it's ok to put a pic like that up. Have some respect for others.


Amazing-Somewhere470

You need a doctor not a roast


unbeliever87

This but for real


losemybreath4444

What kind?


Queyew2

Addiction specialist from the looks of it. Seriously, how much of that is from booze?


Wonder-Grunion

Proof positive you can get pregnant after transitioning to male.


losemybreath4444

Praise the Lard 🫃🏻


D64ante

Too fatty to roast. Better to broil


losemybreath4444

😆


quilt27

Do you have some sort of degradation fetish?


losemybreath4444

😈🐷


AgeroColstein

Now you can be Santa Claus at the mall.


Revolutionary_Tip161

Except he’s probably not allowed within 100 feet of children.


losemybreath4444

Bring cookies!


Tofu-_

yup, you already got the milk


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Mudmavis

I KNEW men could get pregnant


BruceMcMoose83

When’s the cheeseburger picnic Randy


AutismMakesCash

Basketball eaten walrus ass mafucka


GC8891

And now even Athlete's Foot avoids you.


Worelynn

Your arm and torso looks like Snoopy's head.


Neat_Art9336

Thanks for the motivation! And my condolences to your spouse.


rehab_VET

You already did, when you let yourself go. Please seek help


woody2081

Hey there fuckin Randy, why don't you ease up on the cheeseburgers and liquor ![gif](giphy|nj257YL538Gdy)


shotsup

There was a civil war battle in your belly button. It ended up being a crater


kcguy1

Thanksgiving isn’t until Thursday, but that Butterball is done.


Justsomefireguy

This reminded me of the pig scene in Deliverance.


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SlimLazyHomer

I can’t take my eyes off that sarlacc pit of a belly button.


Snoo45756

Jesus Christ dude put an NSFW warning on that shit. We need a second to prepare ourselves.


Itsssssmeeeetimmy

Dickydo disease. Very curable. Your belly sticks out farther than your dickydo


Electronic_Ninja378

Jesus Christ that is hard to look at


Pogmothon85

Your tits have an asshole.


AdvanceOld5705

I can’t roast that. So hot!!


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1_Inch_Donkey_Punch

I’ve heard what you actors need to do to succeed but damn, that sure is a lot of cum.


VipinNegi

Did you eat half the plastic on the planet? What secrets your stomach hold or how many planets? Wait! Did your belly button just popped open, where is it?


blackanytanooo

You’re the reason why I’m gonna quit drinking beer


WitchhunterXI

Gravity 1 Man 0


Delicious-Cancel6918

Somehow, your bellybutton piercing hole has popped back out due to immense pressure.


canadian_andre

Roast you??!! I can hardly baste you, with that big-ass turkey inside you.


the_zoop_master

In what? Sumo wrestling


astrologerk

Your belly button looks deeper than black hole


Birdinmotion

My guy fell on hard times and crushed it


Practice_Girls

Fat Mac cosplay?


sjsfan1959

I wanna dip a Cheeto into your belly button!


joe_nutz01

Bro already ate the roast💀


fellowdad

Your goddamn naval looks like a meteor impact


patinaYouUgly

Your belly button is trying it’s damndest to stay an innie, but it’s a loosing battle


[deleted]

🥵🥵🥵


knowitall190

That's ok buddy you just enjoy carrying around that beer keg you call a belly


losemybreath4444

Honestly I do, I love the pokes, pats and rubs and the admirers who know how to handle a big fella


BenDeeKnee

🥵🥵🥵


losemybreath4444

Bring on the tummy rubs


Beetlejuice4u

This belly is meant to be poked


losemybreath4444

And rubbed and stuffed


addi122516

That’s 1000% a beer gut. Don’t worry, when you start having liver failure, turn the shade of a highlighter, and have to shit yourself on a regular from all the lactulose you will have to take to keep your ammonia levels normal, you will really look back and not regret taking better care of yourself.


_INCompl_

Just saying, you can tell that’s all visceral fat in your midsection because there’s no fat folds to indicate that it’s subcutaneous fat. Subcutaneous fat is fine, visceral fat is what destroys your organs. You should see a dietician about working on getting that dealt with. Being completely inactive isn’t helping either since you, by admission, don’t do any cardio. Weight lifting doesn’t actually benefit the cardiovascular system because it’s the increased oxygen demand during LISS cardio that gives these benefits, not the increased heart rate alone. Your organs are fucked and your arteries are also probably fucked. Unless you want your husband to bury you when you’re 60 you need to make some sort of change because that amount of visceral fat is incredibly unhealthy.


mtnsoccerguy

I didn't know Nick Cannon had backup dancers.


losemybreath4444

Damn this really blew up….just like me 😆


Shasta-The-Silly-Boi

DILF DILF DILF


Candid_Proposal5570

Try another one where you are not sucking it in.