By - LadySandcastle
You're 23. You and this guy aren't even bf/gf. Keep dating around, don't wait for him to come back. If he gets home and is ready to commit and you haven't found anyone yet then you can entertain the idea.
10 months. Either you are in a relationship at that point or not
So do you sleep with each other?
A few months is a long time to wait on someone Who you aren’t even in a relationship with. If it were me, I would completely separate for the few months and let him know that you are open to reconnecting when he gets back. Then date in those few months and maybe you will move on.
In a few months you could meet and be on a serious path with the guy of your dreams who you don’t have previous baggage with. And if that doesn’t happen and he comes back and you reconnect, then so be it. But if you wait around and nothing comes of it, you are going to be very disappointed and have wasted valuable time.
You are so young and it’s months! One month, maybe wait and see, but a few? That’s a lot :/
Well, why did he ask for the time apart? I think that's a pretty important question here. Because sure, maybe he unfollowed some stuff, but his reasoning for following them in the first place and then separating with you over it seems kind of... weird. So I think its important to understand why he did what he did, and if his perspective has shifted or if he's just pandering to get you back.
To me, any man on instagram is a red flag... They know it's easy to slide in DM's and leave lazy comments. All they need is LinkedIn haha but that's just what I've observed
(a) Are friends like that worth hanging on to?
(b) I would strongly suggest steering clear of making friends of someone you had been dating
I'm suggesting letting him go
Leaving the country, not for work? Unless he is getting deported-not by choice, I would cut losses.
That is more understandable.
I do stand with my commentary in not having "friends" like that
I think that he has work to do in general. For at least himself.
Are you wanting him or an ideal version? The project style relationship isn't healthy.
(Sure as hell don't buy a house together. That is for business partners or wives, not gf/bf)
Is this also a RPW terminology too?
I saw it on FDS but I haven’t been there in ages as it’s overwhelmingly extremist.
Ugh, the high value / low value thingade it's way over here and replaced alpha and beta traits. It isn't a glossary recognized term but sure pop up all the time.
This isn't advice. Insulting him accomplishes nothing. Removed
Girl…if he wanted to, he would.
Everyone is saying he’s changed regarding following the strippers. Did they not see the part where you mentioned that after you voiced that this made you uncomfortable, he suggested time apart?
Here’s what happened. You brought it up to him, he realized you’re feeling strongly enough about him to desire the bare minimum of exclusivity and feel uncomfortable about his social media habits. He decided that this level of committing to you doesn’t feel right to him and suggested distance.
He unfollowed the accounts on his main not because he is a changed man, but because he realized that you (and any other woman he is spinning) won’t want anything to do with a guy who follows strippers on Instagram. He made an alt account and followed them there.
He didn’t just follow strippers on Instagram, he probably went to that strip club several times and likely still goes, and goes to other clubs when he’s away. He probably subscribes to their OF or to other womens OF accounts. Clearly he has an appetite for sex, so either he’s getting that elsewhere or he has intimacy issues, which would explain why he will not commit to you but is fine blowing money at a strip club where women only pretend to desire him. Either that or it’s the type of strip club where some of the performers will do extra for some extra money. (Nobody come at me for “shaming” sex workers, the reality is this does happen at some clubs.)
You are 23. He is 28. It’s not a huge difference but it’s old enough that he is not stupid. He knows what you want. He knows that it is cruel to dangle things like buying a house and meeting your family over your head when he cannot even formalize your relationship.
Listen, you don’t owe him patience. You owe him nothing. He’s not your boyfriend. And if he wanted to be your boyfriend, he would be. Why are you offering him yourself on a silver platter while he brings nothing to the table? Men are hunters, and they respect things that they have to earn. He knows you won’t walk away. He’s got you right where he wants you. You haven’t made him earn a thing and if anything you frame this whole post like it’s you trying to earn his commitment without being pushy or overbearing. Sis, you can’t manipulate a man into doing something he doesn’t want to do. And he doesn’t want what you want. I’m sorry.
Walk away. Spend some time with yourself. Then date other men - date around, keep your options open and your standards high. If it’s meant to be with this other guy then he will wise up. But I would not waste your youth waiting for that to happen.
Imagine the best you’ve ever felt around this man. Then realize that you’re going to feel 3 times as good with a different man who can give you what you want. You go through the pain of letting go now, so that you experience the happiness that awaits in your future. The pain is part of the process. You will feel better again. This man will cause you pain one way or another. Do you want the pain that is useful, and allows you to move on? Or the pain of continuing to let him have your heart?
This person is EXACTLY right.
I dislike that you brought up a concern (why are you following these women) and his response is to take a break from the relationship. Communication is everything in a successful relationship. If you are not able to share your feelings and concerns, without him disconnecting than it won’t work. I think it’s natural for you to feel sad that he is leaving but you need to do the work and put yourself out there. Your match could be around the corner. Good luck
This is clearly a changed behavior yes it seems that he cares .. Why don’t you confront him with what you really feel about him !? If you see him as a good opportunity just tell him because sometimes retarding things might be a sign of disinterest
You mentioned that you wish you continue building a romantic relationship with him, can I know why ! What’s your intention !
So you say he teaches with his actions. With that in mind, let’s take a look at his actions. He suddenly asks for a break when you mentioned him following strippers and strip clubs. His
reasons for the break weren’t even mentioned and he left you in the dark as to why. I saw in another comment that you guys aren’t dating, and are taking it slow. Then why on earth is he talking about buying a house together and visiting your family? His actions are contradictory and his true intentions remain unclear. And in the past 10 months, even when you started talking again, you guys still never talked about the break and the reason for it? He may have feelings for you, but he’s had months to do something about it.
If he have all this qualities I think a honest table talk will do the job, organize your ideas send him a message telling him that there’s something very important I would talk about with you if you are open (choose the right time; here try to do your best) then confront him honestly with what you feel and intend, honestly is key, if he is really interested he will put at least a vow if he can’t commit now and then build from there cause it’s your job to escalate his interest to full marriage.
Ok .. I’m talking about showing wifey traits to him to escalate his interest to commitment, men will fasten the commitment decision if he finds a female that qualifies to be the good wife, there’s a set of principles in a method called Incremental Reciprocation that elaborate this in detail.
You welcome .. I forgot to tell you when you tell him about your intention you can ask him if you feel he’s receptive about the time apart that he demanded prior, what’s for !?, it’s important to know, I see it a trying to deal with the personal darkness as he reached you first but you never know maybe there’s something else, good luck :)
I dont trust men who followed those kind of women. What I mean is,they probably aren't loyal.If they are singer or actress,it is fine tho. If they are my male friends,Idc about it at all as long as they aren't pervert. I just dont want that kind of man to be my partner. But it seems like he is willing to change for you,this is good.
About being away for a week,hopefully he will not ignore you for days. It seems that he cares about you coz he told you about it.
Sometimes you have to follow your instinct.If you think he is not good for you,let him know and move on.