T O P
zenithjonesxxx

It’s a good day to be a seasoned Redditor


PrimarchKonradCurze

Arm breaks, jolly ranchers, jackdaws, jumper cables, 1998 hell in a cell, etc.


onetimenative

Poop knife?


gmaclean

Cum box


secretsafewiththis

Blowfly girl...


smilinpit

Who's got a coconut?


GottaGetSomeGarlic

Read these comments to the tune of *We didn't start the fire*


creativityonly2

Someone should make a Reddit version now. XD


malaysianzombie

digg exodus


amish_guy

Streetlamp LeMoose


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Tamespotting

Coconut


OnTheLeft

The narwha... nevermind


PrimarchKonradCurze

I smell bacon.


Thirty_Helens_Agree

Swamps of Dagobah


thisisulb

I just came in here to check If the top comment is still about what it should be. All good in the land of reddit I see.


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SlipperyRasputin

Nah just the teenager subreddit is


InncnceDstryr

TIL I’m a seasoned Redditor


finfanfob

As a subscriber to r/grilledcheese I have to say "Uh Ooh, just wait till everybody else arrives".


Bid325

Lmfao came for this, first thing I thought about 😂😂😂


pM-me_your_Triggers

Weird story to Jack off to, but ok


PostHumouslyObscure

Yes, indeed good sure. Now we wait for a jolly rancher reference.


shatteredtoenail

Or maybe the box.


CO420Tech

Dagobah


tochirov

The narwhal bacons at midnight


RaidensReturn

There’s a throwback.


viper_6879

Periwinkle ftw


aimed_4_the_head

Better dead than orangered


SpeakAgainAncient1

It went "ok"


11Sag86

I am so glad Reddit never fails to do its thing


luvdemtiddies

Oh shit. Here we go…


Theartistcu

It’s the source


Mattabeedeez

The Origin Story!


WingedLing

It had to *come* from somewhere.


11Johnny511

The Man. The Myth. The Legend.


skeptical-spectacles

and The Coconut. 🥥🛌


limpinfrompimpin

And the 🧦


inounderscore

And the box


Canookian

And the jar.


fullup72

And my axe.


Head_Northman

But how does he hold his poop knife?


try_seeker_try

with a fistful of jolly ranchers


Annoy_Occult_Vet

Every fucking thread.


WingedLing

every...*mother fucking*...thread?


JohannesMP

For us non-reddit veterans, could someone elaborate? Anyone, please?


thedeadlyrhythm42

have a tour through /r/MuseumOfReddit


invent_or_die

How jolly


tinypieceofmeat

I'll always be sad nobody captured cum wall before it was deleted. It was this girl complaining about how her boyfriend (maybe husband) wouldn't fuck her, but preferred to sit at his desk and jack off, just cumming on the walls, and she included pictures that were fucking disgusting. Like orange-beige paint splattered all over this 2x3 section of wall. Told everyone she'd lay in bed, masturbating, telling him he could come fuck an actual woman, you know...his partner, but he would just ignore her and jack off. Terrible stuff, but was only up for a few hours before she deleted everything.


NotKiva

I wanna go back in time to when I hadn't read this


MontanaMainer

I'll follow you and remind you.


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Gamer_Mommy

Safety rules: Do NOT fill your stomach to the brim. This is best done on a semi-empty stomach. Like swimming, don't jump into it right after eating, don't eat while you're swimming and don't go swimming starving. Do bring a receptacle in case things don't go as planned. Do stay hydrated! Now, after your tour is done, I thoroughly recommend r/eyebleach. It's to soothe the nerves and well... everything else. I would not recommend re-visiting more than once a year as the damage may be permanent (see the people referencing the exhibits in every other subreddit thread possible).


trynakick

I don’t know why I haven’t found a straightforward answer in this comment section yet, just a bunch of comments like yours sooooo… tl;dr: guy broke both his arms so his mom jacked him off while he was in casts.


Mediamuerte

My guy... his mom jacked him off for a while and then eventually they started fucking


eyecandy99

dad was ok with it too.


lipsticktracer

The aristocrats!


imGnarly

He was not fully comfortable, just tolerating.


Fredselfish

Yep apparently it went on for years. Wasn't they studied as well?


sprogger

I broke both my arms a couple years back, luckily for me I love with my GF, not my mum.


threehappypenguins

I'm sure the question is being asked... "HOW?!" In a small town in Ontario, Canada, at lunch time, another student was jumping off of a picnic table positioned behind some soccer posts (no netting) and grabbing the top of the posts to just hang there. I thought that looked like fun, and being the tomboy that I was, I decided to attempt the same. Except when I grabbed the post, I accidentally swung forward too far, my hands slipped off, and I fell backwards, landing on my arms. I remember getting up, seeing my left arm completely mangled-looking (thankfully no bones sticking out of my skin), screaming, my classmates around me around me screaming, everybody screaming, lots of screaming going on. Then I got up and walked to the principle's office and waited for my dad to pick me up and bring me to the hospital. At the hospital, I kept complaining that my right arm also hurt, so they finally did an x-ray. Hairline fracture in my wrist. Yay. So the doctor decided to put the cast all the way up my arm because he didn't trust me not to injure myself further (I was accident-prone). I did manage to get a purple fibreglass cast for my right arm, 3 weeks later, just below my elbow.


polishbyproxy

My son broke both his arms in ‘97 when he was 12, flying a kite, running backwards on the beach, when he flipped over a piece of driftwood. One arm visibly broken and like you, he also complained his other wrist hurt too. Back to the hospital for more X-rays, yup fractured and another cast. Fortunately just his wrist on that one. He’s taken up hockey these days… but I let his wife do the worrying now.


cockmanderkeen

Is that all you let her do


ba3toven

hahaha im fucking dying


ilovetopoopie

Asking the real questions.


shawnaeatscats

Holy crap. I'm not the only one. My most embarrassing story is how I broke my wrist flying a kite, just like this.


modseatsmegmacheese

Were all more focused on the fact that you've unknowingly aligned yourself with a reddit meme from an incest story.


threehappypenguins

Please do tell?


zoologist88

Oh my sweet summer child


GIFnTEXT

Lawd have mercy


LikeThePheonix117

Oh bless your heart


TheTangoFox

MAMAAAAAAAAAA


SaigoBattosai

Basically there is an old story/copypasta of a guy saying as a teenager he broke both his arms and couldn’t masturbate so his mom would “help” him do it. Edit: IT WAS A REAL STORY YOU GUYS OMG IT WAS REAL SO LETS KILL THIS GUY THAT SAID IT WASN’T REAL! YEAH FUCK HIM UP! AHHHH I get it, Jesus.


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Nepiton

I think you’d much prefer if we didn’t


SplodyPants

That's awesome. I broke one arm and a wrist sliding down an iced over slide on my feet. It was as gloriously stupid as your "stunt". I salute your reckless childhood.


R2_D20

So I grew up in small city (not town) Ontario. When I was around ten years old there was a girl who was a bit older than me. She was jumping from the 3rd step (think a small ladder), and grabbing the 5th bar of the monkey bars. I tried this, *swung forward too far, hands slipped off, and I fell backwards and landed on my right* (just one) arm. Broke it in a couple of different places. Very familiar story.


ErikTheAngry

>I'm sure the question is being asked... "HOW?!" I'm sure the first serious question, yes. But the first first question would be about whether or not you got mom to help.


yo_mama_5000

That’s…that’s not the question being asked.


hurtadjr193

That's not the question we have at all


OreoGaborio

Holy shit, I did damn near the same thing nearly at the same age… two days before I started 7th grade I was playing “stunt man”, jumping off of a 5 foot tall A-frame step ladder in the back yard. For my I last stunt I jumped off the top… except I jumped off in a direction that pushed the ladder right out from under me. Went straight down, landed on my face & broke both my wrists. 😆


1clovett

I'm sorry, but I got the whole montage thing of kids screaming going on in my head and laughed so hard I have tears running down my eyes.


Specific-Ant-3065

Hey Y! Where is M C A?


thejml2000

He died in 2012. Also damn it, that was like 10 years ago?!


Specific-Ant-3065

Not the McA I was referring to… but RIP Adam.


CyberNinja23

*pulls up chair and notepad* And how do you describe your relationship with your mother?


EshayAdlay420

I miss old reddit, unidan, old hidden safes, cum boxes, Vargas. Those were the days and fuck I’m getting old


getefix

Been missing shittymorph and the Reddit switcheroo


Paracortex

Shittymorph is still making the rounds. I miss switcharoos, too, though.


stranger_with_candy

A few weeks ago i saw a perfect opportunity for a switcheroo, the kind of opportunity that the typical commenter has to be literally FIRST to get the joke down in time. But no switcheroo in sight, and i even comment "what no switcheroo?" Not a single person knew what i meant :( i felt old and uncool.


pippyLONGsocking

It ended like two years ago after things came full circle. I can't for the life of me find the comment thread, but it was so perfect that it was "agreed" that it was time to retire the bit


SuchAGoodLawyer

Hold my nostalgia, I'm going *to cry*.


HotShitBurrito

Shittymorph is still doing his thing. Got morphed by him on a post about B-2 bombers two or three days ago


CowsgoMo0

Vargas, now that’s a name I haven’t heard in a looong time


Ketel1Kenobi

I think my uncle knows him. He said he was dead.


cumshot_josh

I take for granted that everyone on here knows about those things, and then I realize that a lot of it happened a decade or more ago when Redditors who are 18-25 would have been in elementary and middle school. The same realization occurred to me that this Summer is the tipping point where I have spent more of my life with a Facebook account than without one.


judo1231231

I've been on reddit way to long. poop knife Double Dick dude carbon monoxide poisoning Colby the dog Swamps of Dagobah I'm sure I could go on another half dozen off the top of my head.


vigalovescomics

I hate that I get this reference.


Ambrosia_the_Greek

I hate that I came here hoping to see this reference.


RomitBD

What's the reference?


BIGG_FRIGG

Boy are you in for a treat…


porkchop-sandwhiches

Maybe even a happy ending to this story.


Ddc203

Hahaha, holy shit. Best one.


SoulEater360s

Every-time I think I forget about *THAT* story, something always reminds me.


VidE27

How can we be reminded on something we never forget


LookMaNoPride

It’s referenced in almost in every thread. Though there are a lot more users these days that go, “huh?”


kurt_go_bang

Don’t go to the comments, you already know what’s going to be there. Don’t go to the comments, you already know what’s going to be there. Don’t go to the comments, you already know what’s going to be there. *goes to comments * yup.


NihilisticPollyanna

Hahaha, my first thought after reading the title, before even clicking on the comments was "Oh. Oh, no." 😆


Centurion87

I thought maybe it’s been long enough to have been forgotten.


Motorsagmannen

you think reddit will ever forget a dead horse to beat?


einsibongo

...beat off...


SuspiciousGrievances

"Bwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" Goes to comments.


antihero2303

![gif](giphy|njxkENt8FXreAt5TIT)


HalobenderFWT

![gif](giphy|t3dLl0TGHCxTG)


Spork_Warrior

Even Mrs. Potts wants to hear this one.


shitForBrains1776

Can you ELI5 why so many comments say this??


kurt_go_bang

There was a famous Reddit post or AMA years ago. I can’t remember if the guy told the story or the mom did. But basically the guy had broken both arms and his mom wanted to make sure he was well taken care of and knew that young men need frequent sexual release. So she decided to help him in this area by jacking him off. I think it leads to even more sexual acts, including intercourse. It was extremely disturbing and outrageous. And it gets referenced nearly any time someone mentions breaking their arm or any odd relationship with their mother. So to see a post about a kid who broke both arms today, those of us who are familiar with that original story ALLLLLLLL immediately thought of it.


MrBarraclough

It may be possible to explain it *simply* enough, but there is absolutely no way to explain it *age appropriately.*


[deleted]

Little kid broke both arms. Mother noticed kids frustration. Mama jacked off kid to help him release stress. It’s one of those Reddit legendary stories. There is also “poop knife” and “funky town”


HeftyClick6704

>Mama jacked off kid to help him release stress With her hands, mouth and body. She went all the way for her son, God bless her.


BurnSWE

r/momoftheyear


fullup72

Reminds me of that one time I helped my uncle Jack off a horse.


Ashenrohk

My favourite part is that it only got awkward when they kissed.


HurtfulThings

You forgot the cumbox, the jolly rancher, and the double dick dude... maybe I've just been here too long


ImagineTheCommotion

Wow, ok… hm.


Anonandr

And they fucked, if I remember correctly.


Rape-Putins-Corpse

You remember correctly.


Hamsternoir

Don't forget to wash your coconut


Cord87

If you're serious. It's a very famous... AMA I think it was. Where a guy has a very wild story to tell about breaking his arms. It became super well known across the site almost instantly. You'll have to search it. Just google Reddit two broken arm or something like that


Bbuck226

So the burning question; How did you wipe your ass?


Martinb4

I also broke both arms when I was 11. Fell off a horse….And ya my Stepdad had to wipe my butt for a bit. At least it was pre puberty for me!


Johnyryal3

Im sure he will remind you when its your turn to wipe his.


Martinb4

You probably aren’t wrong.


Pm_pussypicspls__

Their mom did


KittenAlfredo

​ ![gif](giphy|O9HeC49RBpLpUj0ein|downsized)


Jimmy6shoes

Gets 🍿


Whitewolftotem

Me too. I'm thinking Oh Lord, here we go..


Ddc203

I’ve fucking had it with prequels, man. I swear, nothing is original anymore. Edit: one too many ‘E’s


Slotbenwaller

THE PROPHECY IS TRUE. LET THE SHITPOSTING BEGIN.


CodedGames

I am looking at all of the comments on this post and I am very clueless on what everyone is talking about. What is the prophecy, what is everyone talk about? Edit: Never mind I have unfortunately been informed


FozzieB525

*pulls up chair to hear Papa Redditor tell the tale for the umpteenth time*


tchrbrian

“ Papa do preach. “


kflave249

Unfortunately LPTs told me that when papa keeps telling the same story over and over that I have to pretend I haven’t heard it before


My0bsessions

“I am cornholio”


snaggburger

I need TP for my bunghole!


1clovett

Nice! I usually stuck to just breaking one arm at a time.


sweet_sorrow13

WHY ARE ALL THE CABINETS OPEN?!?


Normal512

Old houses settle, and if you don't install magnets or something they can just have a mind of their own. At least that's how an old house I lived in for a few years was.


sgtjsp153

IT'S YOU


berthejew

I love how everyone knows yet nobody actually says it. Stay gold reddit.


TheMulattoMaker

>broke both arms oh god oh shit oh fuck oh no *runs like hell away from thread* ... ^(...comes back to thread 'cuz this gon' be good)


shewolf4552

I think most of the current Redditors are to young to have been here for that thread... LOL


Cognitive_Spoon

I also choose this guy's memory of old posts.


TheMulattoMaker

If only we had a box to put them in


Cognitive_Spoon

Or perhaps a hard container, maybe a coconut would do?


shewolf4552

And some swamp snacks?


TheMulattoMaker

Snacks? Like Jolly Ranchers or something? ^(okay I swear to God I'm done rat-fucking OP's thread, I'm so sorry)


AskMeHowIMetYourMom

I’ll bring the poop knife to the party!


Get_your_grape_juice

Something something crunchy anal worms.


Sad-Surround-6740

There’s no room in the fridge for snacks because of all the Iranian yoghurt.


shavedanddangerous

Doritos are better...iykyk


Zack123456201

No, no don’t remind me of the jolly ranchers


Brainwashed365

Thanks. I kinda forgot about that one for a while...but not any more.


SolAggressive

You mean snacks from the Swamps of Dagobah?


TawdryTulip

Was it really that long ago or is Reddit turnover just high?


shewolf4552

Little bit of A, little bit of B.


Ramiel4654

Well then they need to be educated. Reddit has a deep and very disturbing history that they should know.


FrostyTheSasquatch

Absolutely!! We are the keepers of the ancient lore.


Flaky-Wallaby5382

Sad but true


lcl0706

I clicked on this thread immediately because of that thread… wanted to see the comments lol


FreedomFingers

I member ![gif](giphy|3oKIPgvPwXi2ZAIS5O)


Cephied01

It's been gone for so long. It's over. We ALL AGREED to never. NEVER. EVER bring it up again. Please...no.


bobbysangtheblues

Pepperidge Farm Remembers


shewolf4552

There is a crow over on Aww and I immediately thought of Unidan. Those were the days.


prrosey

Oh no OP you’ve unleashed mayhem and trauma on the older redditors 😂😂😂😂


civnetn

Which mob organization did your parents dissapoint?


ohsinboi

I hope your mom was able to help you out with whatever you needed in that rough time.


Arrow_Riddari

Oh god… The comments. Rip OP. So how’s your mom these days?


fastmofo88

I broke both my wrists when I was 9. I chose neon green casts for both arms. I won a who can jump the farthest off a swing contest.


Taylola

Oh lawd please don’t tell the story…


UlisUK

Mom?


Actual-Doughnut4105

And the rest, as they say, is history


HooperTJ84

That had to be the worst.


fatogato

So who’s going to tell ‘em?


threehappypenguins

Unrelated question. Can anyone figure out what book is in the photo?


AlcatK

Yeah, it's called Crackers.


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BeaverRiffic

Did your mom... you know what, never mind


enzo_baglioni

How did you wrap either of those towels? I bet you’ve got a shameful secret . . . like a third arm or monkey toes or something


threehappypenguins

My mother had to bath me. And feed me (I couldn't even reach my mouth with a spoon). At least I was only 10. LOL


Day_Triipper

At least she didnt have to start jerking you off


Soup-a-doopah

You said the thing


_milf_cheek_clapper_

This post created a reddit singularity. What the...


[deleted]

I came for the comments…


LackingUtility

From the comments…


Wraith4202

After they removed the cast were you suddenly able to throw 110mph and help lead the Cubs to the world series?


jcoleburneraccount

*Reddit veterans assemble in the comment section*


wired89

Nooooooooooooooooo Reddit dooooont


thegreatmiasma

I did the exact same thing in 1994, the summer before my freshman year of high school. I got my right cast off just in time for school and writing assignments. Joy. Fell out of a tree. No pics that I know of.


Wealthyontheinside

I know where this story goes.