Wow! I LOVE THIS! It captures the interconnectivity and interdependability of all things. It also captures how all things are consciousness, even a rock, though talking might be a bit exaggerated. Looking deeply at a rock, or anything of that matter, will reveal wonders, just like the rock in the poem. I love this because its such a deep topic but the poem is reflecting it in a light, humorous way.
really, great job!
Thank you! I was lucky to be raised with access to silly and thoughtful poets and storytellers, and I loved being introduced to new perspectives with playful words. I hope to carry that spirit forward in my own poems.
this is one of the craziest things ive ever read, the rhyming scheme of this poem is nuts and the actual content is even better. you are super talented bro good job!
Putting into perspective the meaninglessness of everything and still finding hopefulness in the simple things (like being flung through the air) is such a dope and beautiful outlook on things. thank you for this.
Okay I love this one.
The whole idea of this is so fun and I really appreciate the sense of humour and how that contributes to the rhyme and the rhythm of this--it just reads so fluidly!! It has a sort of kid's book feel that I think fits it really well and also makes it really jarring when you kind of start expanding and talking about "cosmic time" and this kind of existential concept of time and your own comparable insignificance, it's really effective.
>Your planet has some gravity
so right now it is grabbing me
but someday some calamity
I don't know that I can explain why, but something about this section makes me so happy to read, the use of language is just really clever and it makes me smile. I also really love how playful the ending is and how well you manage to capture the sort of stuttering, not entirely fluid nature of the dialogue. I think I'll come back to this one, thank you so much for sharing!!
Thank you so much! I aim to be somewhere between Shel Silverstein and Phillip K. Dick, and your feedback makes me feel like I'm hitting my mark.
That gravity / grabbing me / calamity section is one of my favorites in all of my poems. The cadence is so fun, and I like that it rhymes so well without matching consonants.
I like the prespective of the rock, since many years have passed, it misses some things like flying. I allways like to see sweet moments between "people" dat dont know each other.
I like this one. It gets existential, but in a fun, whimsical way. Normally, people think of the vastness of the universe as terrifying, but this piece reminds me that accepting the nature of our reality doesn't have to be scary. The enormity of the universe doesn't have to be terrifying, and the fact that we only experience a tiny slice of it doesn't have to be sad. That's just life, and life is beautiful.
fun poem, nice job. it does have a shel silverstein feel. clever concept and rhymes. ‘you’re on that cosmic time’ is my favorite line for some reason. the ending is satisfying. I think if you continue to tinker with it you could get some better rhythm and flow with it, but it’s also good as is. enjoyable. thanks for the read.
This is a very lovely poem
One thing to note: When you have a quote that extends across multiple stanzas, the stanzas should (probably) all begin with (but not end with) a quotation mark, like so:
>*"That sounds lonely, kind of scary.*
*I could try to be your friend."*
*"I appreciate the offer, kid,*
*but consider how that ends.*
>
>*"I began a trillion miles*
*and a billion years*
*away from here and everything*
*you know and you hold dear.*
>
>*"Your planet has some gravity*
*so right now it is grabbing me*
*but someday some calamity*
*might send me between planets, see?*
>
>*"Most of my existence*
*has been spent out in the black*
*Loneliness I slew, before I knew*
*there could be more than that."*
A final quotation mark signals the end of the quotation. That's how it is in prose anyway, with quotations that extend across multiple paragraphs.
Woah. That's kinda all I can say. The thought that nothing really matters in this world scares me but at the same time, you made it pretty. Like you decorated it with something cute. And it makes me a little less scared. So thank you :)
In a weird way I relate to this talking rock. An entity who has no control over his surroundings, no direction, a cosmic drifter. He goes where the universe takes him because he knows that's how every story ends.
He could fight, he could stay, he could try to find his own path but he knows at the end of the day the universe decides what happens.
Beautiful poem.
Haha you gotta love a good callback ending, which also cleverly suits the cyclical/grand nature of the subject matter.
You endeared me to a rock through rhyme and cosmic one-ness. What else needs to be said?
Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).
If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.
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Wow! I LOVE THIS! It captures the interconnectivity and interdependability of all things. It also captures how all things are consciousness, even a rock, though talking might be a bit exaggerated. Looking deeply at a rock, or anything of that matter, will reveal wonders, just like the rock in the poem. I love this because its such a deep topic but the poem is reflecting it in a light, humorous way. really, great job!
Thank you! I was lucky to be raised with access to silly and thoughtful poets and storytellers, and I loved being introduced to new perspectives with playful words. I hope to carry that spirit forward in my own poems.
this is one of the craziest things ive ever read, the rhyming scheme of this poem is nuts and the actual content is even better. you are super talented bro good job! Putting into perspective the meaninglessness of everything and still finding hopefulness in the simple things (like being flung through the air) is such a dope and beautiful outlook on things. thank you for this.
Thank you! I smile everytime I read this one, and I'm glad it's resonating.
Okay I love this one. The whole idea of this is so fun and I really appreciate the sense of humour and how that contributes to the rhyme and the rhythm of this--it just reads so fluidly!! It has a sort of kid's book feel that I think fits it really well and also makes it really jarring when you kind of start expanding and talking about "cosmic time" and this kind of existential concept of time and your own comparable insignificance, it's really effective. >Your planet has some gravity so right now it is grabbing me but someday some calamity I don't know that I can explain why, but something about this section makes me so happy to read, the use of language is just really clever and it makes me smile. I also really love how playful the ending is and how well you manage to capture the sort of stuttering, not entirely fluid nature of the dialogue. I think I'll come back to this one, thank you so much for sharing!!
Thank you so much! I aim to be somewhere between Shel Silverstein and Phillip K. Dick, and your feedback makes me feel like I'm hitting my mark. That gravity / grabbing me / calamity section is one of my favorites in all of my poems. The cadence is so fun, and I like that it rhymes so well without matching consonants.
Cute! I love how playful this is. Very imaginative.
This is awesome.
I like the prespective of the rock, since many years have passed, it misses some things like flying. I allways like to see sweet moments between "people" dat dont know each other.
I like this one. It gets existential, but in a fun, whimsical way. Normally, people think of the vastness of the universe as terrifying, but this piece reminds me that accepting the nature of our reality doesn't have to be scary. The enormity of the universe doesn't have to be terrifying, and the fact that we only experience a tiny slice of it doesn't have to be sad. That's just life, and life is beautiful.
fun poem, nice job. it does have a shel silverstein feel. clever concept and rhymes. ‘you’re on that cosmic time’ is my favorite line for some reason. the ending is satisfying. I think if you continue to tinker with it you could get some better rhythm and flow with it, but it’s also good as is. enjoyable. thanks for the read.
This is a very lovely poem One thing to note: When you have a quote that extends across multiple stanzas, the stanzas should (probably) all begin with (but not end with) a quotation mark, like so: >*"That sounds lonely, kind of scary.* *I could try to be your friend."* *"I appreciate the offer, kid,* *but consider how that ends.* > >*"I began a trillion miles* *and a billion years* *away from here and everything* *you know and you hold dear.* > >*"Your planet has some gravity* *so right now it is grabbing me* *but someday some calamity* *might send me between planets, see?* > >*"Most of my existence* *has been spent out in the black* *Loneliness I slew, before I knew* *there could be more than that."* A final quotation mark signals the end of the quotation. That's how it is in prose anyway, with quotations that extend across multiple paragraphs.
Thank you for the compliment and the quotation tip. I always miss little punctuation details like that.
Woah. That's kinda all I can say. The thought that nothing really matters in this world scares me but at the same time, you made it pretty. Like you decorated it with something cute. And it makes me a little less scared. So thank you :)
this is incredible
Brilliant. Thanks for posting. I learned, and took something away from this. :D
I love this! It reminds me of where the sidewalk ends!
I loved this. The rhyming is wonderful and I love the flow. I also just love poetry that animates things like rocks, it’s so fun. This was lovely
No kidding, this needs to be published in a book or something bro. Thanks for sharing!
I'm working up to it, a poetry book is a goal of mine. But I don't usually get such a great response, this thread has been very encouraging!
Wish you all the best buddy! Carpe Diem!
In a weird way I relate to this talking rock. An entity who has no control over his surroundings, no direction, a cosmic drifter. He goes where the universe takes him because he knows that's how every story ends. He could fight, he could stay, he could try to find his own path but he knows at the end of the day the universe decides what happens. Beautiful poem.
Haha you gotta love a good callback ending, which also cleverly suits the cyclical/grand nature of the subject matter. You endeared me to a rock through rhyme and cosmic one-ness. What else needs to be said?
Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers). If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy. If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OCPoetry) if you have any questions or concerns.*