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LFHalfMyDeen

If it’s available where you are and you have the means, I’d suggest you go for genetic testing. There are genetic specialists who can help with the testing and then guide you through your options after determining the risks


beauty473

Thank you. We went through this actually. Just the genetic counseling part tho. The genetic testing part was expensive and we couldn’t afford it. But I will save up and consider this in the future. The genetic counsel asked us few questions on our family and if any of our family members married their cousins and if they had any abnormal kids and the there was none. The genetic counsel said that there is no risk present. But the genetic testing part will give us answers hopefully


Amunet59

I really feel like this is the best way to go before breaking a whole marriage. Also, are your parents cousins by any chance (so your dad married your mum, who was his cousin etc).


beauty473

No my parents are NOT cousins.


Amunet59

Then the risk is higher than normal but not exceedingly high. I would definitely do genetic testing (long run cheaper than a whole divorce, if it’s the $$$ stopping you), then have tawakul. Then make sure your kids don’t marry THEIR cousins, cause then the chances are devastatingly high


beauty473

Good point yes. And no I will graduate soon and will have a good income Insha Aallah and I can afford the genetic testing.


mohammed6571

The risks are Double but they're a lot lower than one would think. An average couple with no familial ties has a 2% of having a child with genetic disorders. In 1st cousin marriages there's a 200% risk, so that means 1st cousin couples have a 4% chance of having a child with a disability or disorder. As long as the parents are NOT children of previous generations of intermarriages or have a relationship thats even closer than 1st cousins (HARAM AF). There is nothing to worry about honestly from a BioStatistical point of view. Cousin Marriages have an unfair Stigma attached to them with an over emphasis on the genetic side of things that are blown out of proportion. Historically speaking cousin marriages were common (in western societies) all the way up to the 50s and 60s.. it's in our time that it has become taboo. So divorce over this shouldn't even be an option much less an issue to begin with. There's an increased risk but we deal with worse possibly fatal odds on the daily and we do just fine. So yeah.


Amunet59

Lower than one thinks but still higher than they should be. We have a duty to our children and decreasing the risk of harming their children. That’s what a parent does. Like I told OP, make sure the kids don’t get married


mohammed6571

Everything is Qadr of Allah. They don't have any history of intermarriage in the family so its fine not that much more risk than any other couple. Cousin marriages may be taboo and have a stigma but Islam permits it and puts the condition of it not happening over multiple generations. Those are the ethics and guidelines that Allah has given I don't see a for adding additional ones. And yes I agree, parents should reduce the risk/danger to their kids, my additiom to your statement would be to a reasonable degree. In this scenario they're married, Happily married in fact, and breaking them up because of a slight chance of a child with some abnormality isn't valid. There's always a risk of having child with issues abnormalities, or mutations. To what extent should one go to prevent risk/danger? Never go to public school and be home schooled in fear of being kidnapped? Never go inside of a car much less drive in fear of an accident? If you're living in a region prone to wild fires, earthquakes, floods, or other natural disasters should those people not have kids until they move to a safer geographic location? Never go on an airplane cause of the chance you'll crash? Not letting kids play at Playground because of the chance of a major injury? Where does one draw the line? Everything I stated except the airplane crashing has a higher chance of happening than the issue here. Having kids is a good thing and is encouraged in Islam. Allah is the one that cares for them and grants them. If you can have kids, go for it and always pray for their health and well being not just health wise but spiritually as well. Qadr of Allah is Qadr of Allah. If you're destined to have a child with a disability, which many times is a blessing in disguise, whether you marry someone with the most pure and perfect DNA thats completely different than yours Or if you marry a cousin after 100 generations of intermarriage. If you're destined to have a normal child you will only get whats written for you. But that's just my opinion, I'm not a scholar but I believe it's not our place to over analyze and then dwell on the morality of bringing a child into existence. This isn't aimed at you but its more of a general response to a lot of people commenting here, and I do agree with you about future generations avoiding marrying each other, atleast for a few generations lol.


Tiny_Turn4481

if your parents are not cousins then the risk is too low to even consider a divorce because Allah clearly states he does not like divorce. This is not a double cousin marriage scenario (inc parents who are cousins) so i think you're over reacting. Do genetic testing but before you do look at your partners's family- are there any obvious serious medical defects if not remove this thought from your mind because your just destroying your marriage on a whim especially if you are happy with your partner in other aspects so re consider what your doing carefully- its as if your becoming overzealous in this particular area though i dont deny the risks are real but they only become significant when its repetitive over generations.


Worried_Half2567

I work in the field of genetics, are you in the US? If so you can get these tests cash pay for as low as $250. If you have public insurance (medicaid) you can get these tests 100% paid for. I'm talking about tests that look at 280 to 500 genetic conditions.


mohammed6571

Hey, I replied a bit earlier and I just saw this, and I'm really glad to see that you guys took the initiative to talk to some professionals. Reading this reaffirms what I said and considering the people you spoke with found no worrying factors. I'd say that's a great sign. Of course I'm not your doctor or have all details here but, at face value things seem pretty good. And you shouldn't be overly worried about any abnormalities even with increased chances you're looking at a 4% maybe 5% risk compared to an average couples 2-2.5%. I'd say go for it and make plenty of duas and you'll be just fine.


bipolarthyroid

Abortion is not haram and can be terminated if the foetus is harming the mother. Someone more knowledgeable medically, do correct me on this. I would have tested. I mean it’s prevalent among parents who marry cousins then the kids marrying cousins again. But sometimes it even happens even if you are distant family. It’s just DNA makeup and which traits are more better.


_coffeecocoa_

It can also be terminated if it has a medical or genetic deformity, not only in terms of harming the mother.


WisestAirBender

Please provide a source


_coffeecocoa_

[https://www.dar-alifta.org/Foreign/ViewFatwa.aspx?ID=6738](https://www.dar-alifta.org/Foreign/ViewFatwa.aspx?ID=6738)


AmpFibian

Also the whole 120 day thing with the soul? I can't remember where I read it.


Humblerag

Let me Give you a third option: Adoption You can stay happily married and have kids this way. There are so many orphans in need of homes


beauty473

I will consider this. Thank you. Never thought about adoption before.


beauty473

Do you know any resources that will connect me and allow me to adopt orphans?


Insight116141

Adoption is very tricky under Islamic law. The Mehram issue becomes complicated when the children grows up unless you can breastfeed the adopted baby. In Islam it is more fostering than adopting


kaniskafa

She can induce lactation by taking medication + other methods etc. without actually having been pregnant.


beauty473

I agree. Well what if you choose to raise kids and then tell them and educate them about the mehram issue when they grow up?


Insight116141

Assume you raise a baby boy whom you love. You teach this boy about Mehram when he is pre-teen. Now because you are not his Mehran, you can't hug him when he is having bad day & u have to keep parda. This will be very tough because he is your baby... vice verse with adoptiong a girl then ur husband is going to have hard time To OP. Plenty of people have cousin marriage and hardly have any issues. And plenty of people have disable child without cousin marriage. Instead of looking for way out of marriage or adoption, you need to ask yourself why you are so afraid of having disable child & re-confirm your trust in Allah. Thst he won't burden you with task more than you can handle


beauty473

I do agree there is some deep issues and insecurities I have that I need to work on myself. I am not denying that. The reason I am so afraid to have disabled child is that I can’t take the guilt I will have plus how will others see me. And i I wonder if I even gotten married to a stranger in the first place and had a disabled child then how would I feel? I think it all comes down to me. It is good to really reflect and face your fears


[deleted]

I'd also like to add that marrying your cousin doesn't really have that much of a risk but marrying your cousin's continuously ( your grandparent were cousins so we're your parents and you too) can have a much bigger risk


Der_Lenker

I've been downvoted for saying this before.


SpiritedLemonTree

The adoption aspect for Muslims is mostly just a legal formality so that they can make decisions and care for the child without the govt. being it’s legal parent or taking it away for whatever reason later, unless they prefer that for whatever reason


Der_Lenker

This sub sure is quick to suggest adoption. I really wonder where this comes from.


beauty473

What is forbidden in Islam is giving your name to the child NOT adoption itself.


Der_Lenker

Yes, but the child will also not be your Mahram (except if you create a milk kinship), will not be able to inherit from you and will not carry on your name or lineage. It's not the viable alternative many people here try to present it as. Also, it's an incredibly hard process to adopt a child in a first world country. And I don't want to sound harsh but suggesting adoption beause of a rather unwarranted fear towards a one-time cousin marriage seems a bit ridiculous.


SpiritedLemonTree

>Yes, but the child will also not be your Mahram (except if you create a milk kinship), will not be able to inherit from you and will not carry on your name or lineage. When your purpose for having a child is none of those material things, then these aren’t negatives, just logistics to navigate My “uncle” was adopted into the family home by my grandad. My mother and her siblings were raised with him like he was their brother but when they reached maturity the girls just started covering their hair and wearing loose hijab style dress when wandering around the house. However I accept they had the privilege of separate areas in the home so everyone could otherwise be comfortable. This was considered a worthy sacrifice for the rewards of raising an orphan, which has a special mention in Islam When my grandad died and the assets were split for inheritance, everyone took from their portion and donated it to make a full share for him as a token gesture


Der_Lenker

May Allah reward your grandad and your family. But your grandad obviously had own biological children aswell. What people here are suggesting is to completely refrain from having biological children, just because of an 2-3% increase in risk. I cannot believe that this post is made the most highly voted comment on this thread.


SpiritedLemonTree

What I’m referencing is your comment that there’s no point in adopting because you can’t pass on your name or lineage, and I was making the point that people who want children for the sake of loving and raising a child don’t care about that stuff nor do they consider it to be prohibitive


Der_Lenker

I never said there was no point in adopting/fostering. I tried to explain why it isn't a completely fulfilling alternative to having biological children, especially since there isn't even a real reason for OP and her husband to forego having children of their own.


SpiritedLemonTree

And again, my point is that it is completely fulfilling to the many who don’t care about the things you mentioned


beauty473

Why is it ridiculous?


Der_Lenker

Because you and your husband would have to give up the desire to have biological children, only because of a 2-3% increase in risk of genetic defects. Who would agree to something like that?


beauty473

I see.


beauty473

Then what do you suggest?


Der_Lenker

I've already written a comment further down. You don’t need to worry. To be on the safe side, you can also do a genetic test to calm your mind. I think that's a good thing to do in general, not just in cases of cousin marriages. But as long as there are no known hereditary diseases in your family, the likelihood of disabilities or the like is extremely low. To be honest, I would leave your thoughts with yourself and not tell your husband that, despite a happy marriage, you thought about LEAVING him because of this. He could take it wrong and never forget it. I know you mean it well, but it could still come off wrong.


beauty473

“Nor has He (Allâh) made your adopted sons your sons. Such is (only) your (manner of) speech by your mouths. But God tells the truth, and He shows the way. Call them by (the names of) their fathers, that is better in the sight of God”. (33:5) I understand that this Ayah says nor Allah made your adopted sons your sons. This Ayah then didn’t forbid adoption. It says don’t take them as your actual sons.


Confident_Egg_3383

Are your respective parents cousins, are your grandparents cousins? Solely based on you and your husband I can’t see there being a thing to worry about.


beauty473

Yes that is what the genetic counselor said also! Thanks


Confident_Egg_3383

It’s no different to any two people getting married. What you have is legitimate and real. Be happy and may Allah swt bless you both with healthy , happy children.


beauty473

Thank you! You too Insha Aallah


computerjunkie7410

To put your mind more at ease: My parents are cousins and have 3 healthy kids. My brother and sister in law are cousins. They have two healthy kids. My wife’s parents are cousins and they have 6 healthy kids. Their parents were also cousins and had 9 healthy kids.


Der_Lenker

The risk rises from like 3%-4% to 5%-6%. Same risk as an over 35 years old woman getting a baby (something that is slowly becoming the norm in the west). So don't worry. A one-time cousin marriage is not dangerous. The real risk lies in doing it across generations: that's where all the bad stories you hear come from.


andfromlittlethings

The man being over the age of 35 also increases the risks of concieving children with health problems.


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SpiritedLemonTree

Just gonna leave this here https://www.yourfertility.org.au/everyone/age > the risk of miscarriage is higher for women whose male partner is older than 45 > Because of the changes that happen in sperm as we age, including damage to genetic material, children have a slightly higher risk of birth defects and genetic abnormalities > The risk of mental health problems and autism spectrum disorder is marginally higher in children of fathers older than 40 than in those with younger fathers.


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SpiritedLemonTree

Yes you mentioned that sperm count and motility might decrease. You mentioned in passing that the quality of the sperm is not likely to be affected because it’s being continuously produced. The above statement was misleading in light of the linked evidence I’m happy to give you the benefit of the doubt that you weren’t trying to deliberately downplay or deny the degradation of sperm quality with age having an affect on the conception of a healthy child


andfromlittlethings

Unfortunately you are incorrect in your assertion about sperm being of the same quality/health regardless of the man's age. Inshallah please don't give medical information without doing the required research.


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andfromlittlethings

Yes, I agree with you that count and motility decrease. I am responding to your next statement. You implied that because men continuously produce new sperm, that the age of the father would not negatively affect the risk of conceiving an unwell child. This is wrong. Brother, if you are a doctor it is even more important for you to do some learning and for you to give correct advice. Nothing worse than a doctor who is incorrect AND stubborn.


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andfromlittlethings

You keep bringing up the issues with a mothers age, this is common knowledge and no one is disagreeing with you. So in summary of the man's age: Me: Older fathers are at increased risks of unhealthy babies You: Not really. Conceiving can be harder but new sperm is produced so the genetic quality isnt affected by the mans age Me: That's incorrect, the genetic quality decreases as the man ages. You: Actually, I didnt say what I said before. (*insert other stuff we agree on*)... so as you can see I was never wrong. Brother, everyone is wrong sometimes. In your practice, marriage and life in general it is best to handle being wrong with a little grace. Alhumdulillah though, it looks like the medical info you give has now been corrected, so I am finished with this conversation.


Ilikecars119

Not really


SpiritedLemonTree

https://www.yourfertility.org.au/everyone/age > the risk of miscarriage is higher for women whose male partner is older than 45 > Because of the changes that happen in sperm as we age, including damage to genetic material, children have a slightly higher risk of birth defects and genetic abnormalities > The risk of mental health problems and autism spectrum disorder is marginally higher in children of fathers older than 40 than in those with younger fathers.


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SpiritedLemonTree

https://www.yourfertility.org.au/everyone/age > the risk of miscarriage is higher for women whose male partner is older than 45 > Because of the changes that happen in sperm as we age, including damage to genetic material, children have a slightly higher risk of birth defects and genetic abnormalities > The risk of mental health problems and autism spectrum disorder is marginally higher in children of fathers older than 40 than in those with younger fathers.


Responsible_Ant1864

No. https://www.britishfertilitysociety.org.uk/fei/at-what-age-does-fertility-begin-to-decrease/


SpiritedLemonTree

https://www.yourfertility.org.au/everyone/age > the risk of miscarriage is higher for women whose male partner is older than 45 > Because of the changes that happen in sperm as we age, including damage to genetic material, children have a slightly higher risk of birth defects and genetic abnormalities > The risk of mental health problems and autism spectrum disorder is marginally higher in children of fathers older than 40 than in those with younger fathers.


Responsible_Ant1864

Educate yourself from this simple graphic from the British Fertility society. Men's one barely changes. https://www.britishfertilitysociety.org.uk/fei/at-what-age-does-fertility-begin-to-decrease/


SpiritedLemonTree

Where did I dispute egg life? I’m disputing your denial that sperm quality drops with age and can affect the conception of a healthy child :)


WESTMINERALEVER

you need to read up more on islam and abortion


beauty473

I really don’t know much. Please educate me. Anyone know what islam said about abortion?


M59j

You are allowed to abort at least at 11 weeks, at average by 16 for some scholars, this doesn't need to be a big reason to abort If we go by the Quran, fetus is only a flesh until around 4 months where the Roh (spirit/self) is sent into it, making it a nafs. When its a nafs, if you kill it its a murder, however there is some exclusion in some cases. Of course you can do your own research and come to the conclusion that your conscience will agree with. May Allah help us all.


beauty473

“The earliest you can have tests for chromosomal anomalies is about 10-12 weeks of pregnancy.” This exactly is the time that also we can know if the baby is abnormal or not. I don’t know why it is a coincidence. But I will do my own research yes. And I will ask a scholar Insha Aallah. I don’t if people have various opinions about this.


M59j

Just in case you didn't understand what I mean, most scholars say its ok to abort until 16 weeks on average. This is due to the Quran listing the development stages of fetus and the stage a soul will be sent into it will be, according to our interpretation of the ayah and using science, is to be 4 months i.e. on avg 16 weeks. However there are minority of scholars who associate it with 11 weeks due to whatever reason, saying a soul-less fetus doesn't mean its not alive (but I mean a soul is what makes us, otherwise we are a piece of meat). So take what you see fit from it, continue researching. And as many commenters said, the possibility of genetically ill baby is very very low considering you are the first to marry cousins. The genetic defects can be seen in families with over 5 generations of inter-familiar marriages and procreation. I am not proud to admit but my family from one parent side is very interconnected, a very bizarre family tree but Alhamdullah I, and my siblings turned out with no genetic defects (did the 23&Me test), so don't over think it. I know some who married completely different people yest still birthed a disabled kid, its a blessing and a test to all of us. May Allah make it easy on you and help you decide.


CyrusSpeakz

Sister it is in the Qur'an, please do read. If I remember correctly, you may find what your are looking for in An-Nisa (4th Surah).


whatdousaysirs

How about you actually help the sister and share exactly what you are referring to? No need to send her on a goose chase.


CyrusSpeakz

I am not sending her on a goose chase. I have provided her with a direct source for her to educate herself on the words of Allah SWT. It's very sad that you and 7 others (at the time of my reply) don't see the value in one being responsible for their knowledge. It also my responsibility as a Muslim to be mindful of what information I give to others, because I, and I alone, will be held accountable for what it causes. Therefore it is best for me point others in the direction of truth and allow for the responsibility of action and knowledge acquisition to be on the OP. This comes from a healthy fear of Allah SWT, and the observance of my hijab in respect to the sister and her situation. The Qur'an is our source of truth, and for you to be so upset that I am offering the best I am comfortable with, speaks to your poor character. It is not my or your responsibility to spoon feed each other the knowledge of the Qur'an, that is very dangerous and irresponsible. Before you judge me, ask yourself "what have I offered to help our sister?" Lastly, if my response offends you and others so much, why have you not taking the time to read through the Qur'an for the OP and offer her what you have found and understood? Be mindful of your pride, arrogance, and hypocrisy, it's a dangerous trio.


whatdousaysirs

Don't know why you're so offended. To go and send someone to look through a 30 page surah to find an answer you could have simply given in a few minutes. Nobody asked you to interpret the Quran, all that was required was to share the interpretation. Dont know why that makes you uncomfortable.


arsenal356

Whilst I’m not a fan of marrying a cousin, it should be noted that the chances of medical issues in your children are only notable and more likely when cousin marriage has been practiced throughout previous generations in your family, namely your parents and your grandparents. Also, you don’t have to tell anyone that your husband is your cousin, if you’re scared you’ll get shamed for it. No need for it. If you feel personal shame for it, then know that the prophet PBUH married his first cousin (zainab bint jahsh) and also I’m pretty sure a few of the companions did it too.


sha_13

If you have a biological kid, your kid definitely might resent you because 1. possible genetic disorders 2. people look down on cousin marriages Would probably affect your future kid mentally a lot. I mean I guess you wouldn’t have to tell people you’re cousins? Adoption seems like a good idea too


mohammed6571

Hey doctor here. It is true that cousin marriages have a higher risk of genetic or developmental abnormalities. The chances are 200% more in children with 2 parents who are cousins, than 2 genetically different parents. But I feel the need to contextualize that fact. The chances of abnormalities in a "normal" couple is 2%. With a 200% risk for people in ypur situation that would mean there's a grand total of 4%. The real issues arise when even closer relatives have kids. I don't want to use the "I" word but in those situations thats when the nasty stuff happens. And that's why it's forbidden in Islam. But cousins in my opinion are genetically different enough where they don't have to worry thay much more than any other couple. I know plenty of cousin couples who've had healthy kids with 0 issues.. some in my extended family, among friends, and among acquaintances as well. You said there's 2 options either divorce or a co wife and someone else mentioned adoption, but I would urge you to not abandon having a baby/babies on your own. Yes the risk higher but it's Negligible, unless you're planning on having a few dozen of them. So my sincere advice would be just pray for a healthy baby like all parents do, and put your faith in Allah. And from a Medical and Statistical perspective things are definitely in your favor (96%). Whatever happens it is the Qadr of Allah, and always has some khair in it. Asalaamualaikum.


adenomuch

If professional genetic testing is cost prohibitive, you can get a 23andMe test which will look for genes that you carry for many genetic conditions. They do have a disclaimer that they don’t screen for EVERYTHING, just the main genes, so while it’s not a replacement for professional genetic testing it might be a good place to start. Jsyk my husband’s parents are first cousins who married and had 5 healthy children Alhamdulillah. It’s not the end of the world for your marriage. My husband did 23andMe along with myself (our families come from the same city back home) and he was not a carrier for any of the diseases they screen for (which would be increased in likelihood for someone who was born from a cousin marriage). Many people who have no predisposing genes end up with children with disabilities and vice versa. It’s all from Allah. May Allah make things easy for you!


beauty473

Thank you so much! I will definitely checkout the 23andME. How does it work? If you don’t mind sharing the details. Or DM me ☺️please thanks


adenomuch

You can buy the kit online (I got mine from Amazon, they usually are on sale for Black Friday) Basically you spit into a tube and send it to a lab. After a month you get the results in your phone through their app. You can choose to have your data be included or not be included in their genetic research, just know that your data will stay in their database (read their privacy policy [here](https://www.23andme.com/privacy/)). If there’s a problem with your sample they will send you a new kit for free to try again (this happened to my husband which is why I mention it). It’s really cool because it gave me an ancestry break down as well as my risk for various conditions. I had no idea I was a carrier for something (not high risk to me or my future children iA) but it was just very interesting to see! It also showed me what my traits were (ex: I carry my dad’s recessive gene for his eye color, and they reported that!). I got the Health + Ancestry kit which is probably what would be most helpful for you guys :)


beauty473

Thank you! This is helpful.


SpiritedLemonTree

I literally just got that yesterday on sale for 50% off! I’m so excited, which it didn’t take so long to hear back


bigboywasim

The risk in a first cousin marriage is the same as if one of the parents is 40 years old. The chance of birth defect is 5% which is still rare in statistics. The birth defect can be minor, mild or severe. This is double the non related average of 2.5%. Cousin marriage is Sunnah and it is Allah (S.W.T) wisdom that he allowed it. Inshallah you will be OK. About half of Pakistan’s marriages are cousin marriages and you would think disabled people are everywhere there but this is not the case. https://genetics.thetech.org/ask-a-geneticist/can-you-marry-cousin


King_Stannis_I

Pakistanis do have a higher rate of deformities. Read this: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.thenews.com.pk/amp/906418-cousin-marriage-playing-havoc-with-health-in-pakistan Also, I am an offspring of cousin marriage (who suffers from a BILATERAL (not unilateral) cleft and palate deformity. I disapprove of this practice whether it's marked as Sunnah or not.


bigboywasim

It only matters what Allah (S.W.T) has decided for all of eternity. Would you have disapproved of marriage itself if you still had this issue and was not a product of cousin marriage ?


King_Stannis_I

We aren't in that situation but no I wouldn't have.


bigboywasim

That is a hypocritical view that you hold then. Deformities come from our creator and they are part of our test. We should be thankful for all he has given us and ask from him to help us deal with our deformities.


King_Stannis_I

Your bigotry in using religion to defend cousin marriages here does not make sense. Sure there's a probability that we can be tested with anything ranging from physical to mental deformities, however, being involved in a cousin relationship will only increase the likelihood chance of having a child with those issues.


bigboywasim

Me stating your statement is hypocritical is not bigotry. Your view is subjective and meaningless outside your own decision to marry a cousin or not as that is all Allah (S.W.T) allows you to do. It is like someone saying don’t marry you because your medical condition and you were a product of a cousin marriage. The statistics I mentioned earlier for cousin marriage are still rare according to the study of statistics. Most people do not feel the same way when it comes to older people marrying or people who smoke or who are obese as they have same birth defect rates when it comes to having children which is also hypocritical. This tells me it has more to do with Western culture influence than birth defect rate being higher. What Allah (S.W.T) had made permissible is eternal and there isn’t anything anyone can do about it.


King_Stannis_I

Just because something is legal doesn't mean it should be practiced. For instance, shisha, vaping, and smoking are considered acceptable yet they have a huge impact on a person's health. You're talking about statistics, but I am talking about personal experience and from what I see. Cousin marriage continues to wreak havoc and chaos, especially in the future generations. I and my brother suffer from cleft and palate issues, another brother has a learning disability, two cousins are autistic, and one cousin has osteoporosis. The surprising factor to note here is that ALL of our parents are fine, yet, it's US who are affected for the most part and that is largely (and obviously) due to the cousin marriage concept. Stop normalizing that it is God's will for people to have abnormalities when it is something that people could have obviously avoided in the first place.


bigboywasim

Pakistan has a cousin marriage rate of 50%. By your reasoning every other person should have some abnormality there. It is said the Quran is the word of Allah (S.W.T). The words of Allah (S.W.T.) are eternal as they are his attribute. For eternity Allah (S.W.T) has said cousin marriages are permissible. We are not allowed to make haram what is halal and vise verse. To marry a cousin or not is up to everyone to decide for themselves. The people who talk about not normalizing cousin marriage never seem to bring people in their 40s having children or people who have abnormalities already having children as their birth defects rate is the same as marrying cousins. There is a saying in Islam “My religion respects culture to the point it does not conflict with it after point of conflict culture is a mental disorder.” They seemed to be more affected by Western culture than anything else.


beauty473

Thank you for sharing your story.


Nobraflu

How's cousin marriage is Sunnah? Like where did you get that from?


bigboywasim

One of prophet Muhammad’s wives was his first cousin. Zaynab bint Jahsh (Arabic: زينب بنت جحش‎; c. 590–641 CE), was a first cousin and wife of Muhammad and therefore considered by Muslims to be a Mother of the Believers.


Nobraflu

But tbh I wouldn't think it's Sunnah cuz in definition Sunnah is what the prophet pbuh taught us to do and from my humble knowledge never did the prophet explicitly instructed Muslims to marry their cousins. That's just my two cents.


hizbbb

There are three types of Sunnah. The first is the sayings of the prophet – Sunnah Qawliyyah/Hadith. The second is the actions of the prophet – Sunnah Al Filiyya. The final type of Sunnah is the practices prevailing during his time which he did not oppose – Sunnah Taqririyyah.


beauty473

Didn’t know this thanks


beauty473

I agree. But marrying your cousin is not haraam. And also is not haraam if you choose to NOT marry your cousin. That is your choice.


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Nobraflu

You bring a very valid point indeed. For example, The prophet PBUH married non Muslims women hence people of the book (Jewish & Christians). Now personally I would 120% prefer to marry a Muslim woman and I would never allege to say it's Sunnah to marry a Jewish or Christian even though it's completely halal and permissible.


Nobraflu

Well if leads to genetic issues of babies I believe it should be discouraged. That's just my opinion.


beauty473

This also crossed my mind but on the other hand. It is discouraged when it is repeated after generations. As in the hadith the prophet stated “ Do not marry generation after generation among first cousins". This hadith was stated to be weak and inauthentic but ALLAH knows best


bigboywasim

Actions of the prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H) are also Sunnah.


Nobraflu

Not all of the prophet Muhammed PBUH actions are permissible for us. For example, the prophet had 10 wives for us it's no more than 4. Also, the prophet PBUH and other prophets weren't allowed by Allah to pass on inheritance to their families.


bigboywasim

There are some exemptions as certain things are only for the prophet (P.B.U.H) however this does not mean no action of his is Sunnah. https://aboutislam.net/shariah/hadith/hadith-faqs/3-meanings-sunnah/


bigboywasim

Without religious evidence it is simply your subjective opinion and meaningless.


Nobraflu

The companions also had opinions about certain things it's called إجتهاد.


bigboywasim

They never had an opinion that you should discourage not marrying cousins. This is something you made up.


Nobraflu

It was narrated from Ibn 'Abbas that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: “There should be neither harming nor reciprocating harm.” This hadith is widely known among scholars. So there you go, marrying cousins should be discouraged in my opinion.


beauty473

What did Islam say about having your own opinions and voicing them out? Did Islam allow to ask questions people are too afraid to ask?


Nobraflu

Right she was mentioned in the Quran too


beauty473

Thank you so much! I read this and other articles about cousin marriages. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nytimes.com/2018/03/01/science/cousins-marriage-family-tree.amp.html


Greenerynature

My uncle married his cousin and my cousin married her cousin, also my friend married her cousin. All their offspring are normal alhumdulilah


beauty473

Masha Allah! May Allah bless their offspring Amiin


makeitwork2021

U will be fine. Lol


AlarmingUmpire3

I’m sorry but you need to stop freaking out and overthinking my parents are cousins and have 4 kids and none of us are disabled just as healthy as any other kids I know tons and tons of other people who married as cousins and their kids are just fine I think that study is when you have more than one generation of first cousins marrying each other so you should be find


King_Stannis_I

Sister, since you are entangled in the situation now I would suggest a couple of ways. First, talk about it with your husband and see what you can do to prevent as much abnormalities you can with the testings and such. However, my option would be to divorce him (or let him take another wife), because as a young adult with a bilateral cleft and palate deformity (like my eldest brother), we have spoken up against our parents regarding their decision to get married to one another and have us. One of my cousins I have mentioned is autistic and she is unfortunately very introverted. Her mother (also my cousin) told us that her child (despite having mild autism) still tends to question why she is different and not normal like anyone else. She has always tried to beg to leave her special-eds class (and be enrolled in a 'normal' class) and always remains heavily depressed regarding her situation. Your children will know when they will mature and they will come to go against you for who they've become. This doesn't mean that me and my brother don't appreciate our parents, we just hold a small grudge against them for affecting our lives and our future (if we were to get married). It's bad to the point that my brother who is looking for a rishta urged my mother to not show any potential pictures of him (because his lips are heavily scarred) when she sends out proposals. Additionally, it's important to realize that even if you do happen to have a healthy child, you would only be setting an example yourself to that child that it's OKAY to further inbreed, which will just cause even more potential chaos. If you are thinking about the future of your children (which you should), take the necessary step and don't make your life a living hell like my parents had after they had me and my brothers. Give this a read: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.thenews.com.pk/amp/906418-cousin-marriage-playing-havoc-with-health-in-pakistan


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itsmezain

Under what circumstances is Abortion halal and haram? Care to explain please? Many people say different things.


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beauty473

Thank you 🙏


whatdousaysirs

Your parents aren't cousins, so the risk is only slightly higher than with a couple who are not cousins. Why are you already thinking of divorce and polygamy? The risk isn't that much higher that you need to think of such extremes. Theres no need for a divorce or him marrying another. You both can still have children.


CyrusSpeakz

Please know that as a Muslimah getting divorced is made easy and can be done for any reason without shame or guilt islamically. Yes, I know that divorce is not well favored, but there's reason and logic to why it is made easy for us to do in the Qur'an. You don't have children so it would be a clean seperation. Your reasons are extremely valid and practical. As my sister I would encourage the genetic testing as others have mentioned, to know what you are dealing with and to be informed. However, I wouldn't encourage you to be apart of polygyny based on the concerns you shared. There's no practical reason for you to live in such a painful state of worry in your situation. Emotionally, yes it will be a challenge, but in the long run you having a peace of mind in regards to your children when you begin to consider having them is worth it. You seem to have some shame/guilt with marrying a cousin, look into that. I would want my sister to be happy and comfortable speaking about the conditions and technicalities of her marriage. Keep in mind islamically nothing wrong has been done in marry your cousin. There is wisdom in us mixing our races as I understand the teachings in the Qur'an. In other words, a key benefit is in stinger genetics, and the reduction of mutations do to the genes being to similar. insha'Allah they offers some perspective as your brother. Please speak to Allah SWT about this and think about your contentment first, before others.


beauty473

I don’t have shame/guilt marrying my cousin. I was happy when I married him, however, I told some people and they really looked down on me. That is when I asked myself if I did something wrong.


CyrusSpeakz

Ahh I see, forgive my misunderstanding. The opinions of others are just that, opinions of others, mines included. May Allah provide you with clarity on your decision making.


honisty

Stop worrying so much. Your Rabb made this marriage halal. The risks are not that high. It could happen with anyone. They say "double" but it's only a couple percent higher. And most of the time its something pretty mild like a bit of eczema. It's only a real consideration if cousin marriages are done generation after generation. Not a reason to divorce over. And do not fear people's judgements over something Allah made permissible. Their judgement is corrupted by the kufr in the west. It is NOT taboo to marry ones cousin. That is a sentiment of the western non-muslim world.


[deleted]

Dude have faith in Allah(s.w.t) and leave it up to him. Who says people that are not related and married always have healthy kid's? I have like 4-5 families of uncle's and aunties who are all first cousins, and all married with healthy kid's. Not one kid, but each with like 3-5 kid's. I also know of people who are not related in any way, but have disabled kid's. I also know of one brother who has three kid's, and all are autistic. Everything is in Allah(s.w.t) hand at the end of the day. This is a really stupid reason to break off a marriage. What if you divorce your husband and then in your next marriage, Allah(s.w.t) gives you disabled children. You never know!. Don't test the waters, especially when health lies in Allah(s.w. t) hands. This cousin marriage thing is blown out of proportion, especially on this sub. Back in the days and even today in many places, there are cousins getting married to each other and having healthy children without a problem. The prophet (s.a.w) own daughter Fatimah (r.a), was married to the prophet(s.a.w) cousin Ali(r.a). She gave birth to the best of children. From her children Hassan(r.a) and Hussain(r.a), their children also married each other and their blessed progeny stands till today. Two of the prophet(s.a.w) daughters married Usman(r.a), who was also really close in relation to the prophet(s.a.w) . Uthman(r.a) first married his daughter Ruqayyah(r.a). After she passed, Uthman(r.a) married his second daughter Umm-e-Kulthum(r.a). That’s why Uthman(r.a) was given the title Zun-Noorain (Possessor of Two Lights). The prophet(s.a.w) and Uthman(r.a) also share the same great great grandfather Abd Manaf ibn Qusai. Uthman(r.a) was also a second cousin to Prophet(s.a.w) wife Ramla bint Abi Sufyan (also known as Umm-eHabiba). Uthman(r.a) grandmother (Umm Hakim bint Abdul Muttalib) from his mother side was a full sister to the Prophet(s.a.w) father Abdallah. His mother was Arwa, the prophet(s.a.w) first cousin. It is said that Umm Hakim was a twin to Abdallah (prophet(s.a.w) father). **Make dua to Allah(s.w.t) and keep faith**.


1286sapc

How much will the genetic testing cost?


beauty473

For full genetic sequencing it ranges from $2,000-$6,000. It is not that bad to be honest but I am a student and I pay for school. I go to private university. So that is why.


Reeeaz

There are 2 options. You can try and get genetic compatibility testing done to see what exactly the risks are. You can also try adoption. There are many children in the world without homes that would really benefit from a loving family with good parents. I know it is hard to consider kids you have not birthed but trust me you'll love them exactly the same


khaneks

Cousin marriages are allowed for a reason. The genetic abnormalities may or may not happen... The risk is 4-6%. While these things can happen even if you weren't cousins. It is a good sign that your parents/ancestors don't have a "continuous" history of cousin marriages. So... Just pray to Allah and have faith in him. Even if it happens, the believer must remember that, what Allah has ordained for him/her will happen no matter what.


sophisticatedchaos

You can get yourselves genetically tested to see if your kids would have any issues


SpiritedLemonTree

RE: your edit. If the tests come back risky/abnormal then you may treat it the same as if you would treat infertility issues, and go ahead with the relevant options available to other infertile couples


beauty473

Interesting. I will think about this.


aahmed215

Honestly, the chances of deformity through cousin marriage is pretty low, like around 5%. It's about the same chances as a woman in her 40s getting pregnant. Alhamdulillah we live in an era where there are scientific advances and genetic testing. Speak to a professional doctor and do genetic testing. They can tell you if there are any serious concerns and/or possible solutions.


shakshoukaenthusiast

This is anecdotal but my dear friend’s parents are first cousins and she is totally fine, no genetic issues that she knows of at all. In shaa Allah this makes you feel a bit better, may Allah grant you beautiful healthy and righteous offspring ameen.


tonne97

Is he your first cousin? Were your parents cousins too? Not all cousin marriages lead to defects especially if it is a one time thing but if it continues it usually does create genetic disorders. My grandparents were the only cousin marriage in our family tree and their children (my mom and aunt) are perfectly fine. My grandparents were first cousins.


Tiny_Turn4481

if you have kids early the risk of genetic defects decreases a lot so have them young


_coffeecocoa_

You might be skydiving to conclusions without a need right now, sis. First of all, please try not to overthink the medical conditions - it’s not as easy or as common as you think. Sure there is a risk, but there is a risk in people who are not cousins either. In fact, there are plenty of people who are unrelated and have children with disabilities. Plenty. Can speak as a physical therapist. It’s in the hands of Allah, nothing special we can do to prevent it from happening if He has willed it to. Secondly, if you and your husband have a great relationship, why sabotage it over the topic of children? You or him might not find such companionship and love with another person, perhaps you guys would be fine not having children at all (if genetic testing comes out positive for risk) or adopting. I understand how important children are for the foundation of a family, but not as important as the emotional connection and understanding you guys share. If he doesn’t want to divorce or marry someone else at the moment, why are you coercing him into this position? Give your marriage and relationship a chance. Trust in Allah as much as possible and start your intention right. Moreover, if you do fall pregnant and discover you have a genetic or medical condition prior to 120 days of conception (which is when most conditions are diagnosed via ultrasound, a battery of blood tests, and even amniocentesis to confirm) you can opt for abortion and it’s Islamically permissible. Don’t give up from now when there’s nothing to give up over. This is just catastrophizing a situation when it has yet to occur.


depressionbarbie

Bruh, you’re still less educated. Unless consanguinity is happening in every generation, the risk is doubled for defects. From 1.4 to 2.8% Do you have some significant genetically acquired disease? If you don’t I wouldn’t be that worried Save up for genetic testing. If something comes up you can get IVF that specifically caters to people with genetic diseases trying to reproduce


nun4321

https://www.nytimes.com/2002/04/03/health/no-genetic-reason-to-discourage-cousin-marriage-study-finds.html Please read widely on the issue. I personally have seen a cousin marriage from which there are four healthy and no issues children.


MotorEcn123

Well people on this sub seem to condemn cousin marriages and like to imply that there is a great risk associated with it when there isn't. The chance of you having a defective birth with a stranger is 3-4% and in cousin marriages it increases to 4-7%. So, there isn't any significant increase or any great risk associated with it.