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ClimateDizzy9324

Maybe better to keep things just formal/professional so that you do not get involved if this behaviour blows up in his face.


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Saabirahredolence

Sounds like an issue for HR tbh


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BadTimeManager

1. Tell him your concerns and ask him to act professional at work 2. As you said he also talks about your colleagues. Warn him that he'll be reported to HR unless he stops this behaviour. I assume you're in a western country, so things like sexual assault are taken seriously. So don't be afraid to act, some people don't understand it the good way.


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mdakramaq

Let him be. Stay away. And if you are worried that a fellow "Muslim" is doing this, then let him know that its wrong. You have to say it just once. Not a second time or third time. And never, I mean NEVER let him know that his behaviour is affected you in anyway. It will come from a point of weakness. Which he may share with others, and that will seriously hurt you.


Simpledoo

In that case, you're probably not the only person whose thinking that. Imo, u should call him out. The more you (as a muslim woman) and others keep quite and not say a thing, the more he's gonna think its "ok". Even a simple, "hey, that's not right to speak like that". Its better to advice/let him know in public (not privately) because he's doing it in public. But maybe u can advice him in private first.


GxK1999

>As for the second part, I don't feel it's my position to tell him how he should behave You should tell him what he is doing is wrong. We all should behave (try our best to) like the prophet PBUH and sahaba did. And enjoin good and forbid evil. May Allah guide him and us all.


RandomDoctor

It’s disappointing for sure. As a work colleague, treat him the same whether he is Muslim or not. It is for Allah to judge. If he directly attacks you then you can involve HR


sauvage_et_vaine

If he's a new colleague and already discussing your looks, I think you should draw clearer boundaries. No one gets into your private zone just "like that". The next time he tries to discuss your looks, tell him point blank that 1) this is non-professionnal matters 2) he shouldn't be worried about yours but his wife's (in the sense that he shouldn't entertain such discussions with strange women)أحكم في مرتك is a good answer if he's Arab. However, there's one thing you might do wrong, and it's the feeling you get when he teases you. Hey sister this is not someone you're trying to end up with, why does his opinion of you affect you so much? I couldn't care less if if a married man into blonds found me to be ugly. Maybe ask yourself why it gets to you. All in all, he needs to be put back into his place regarding YOU, not his preference for women, that's another thing. Good luck with him!


mononokiwi

Wa aleikom salam. Ugh that’s so uncomfortable and unprofessional. He shouldn’t be discussing female colleagues’ looks! He has no respect for his wife either. I’d suggest you stay far away from him. If he keeps overstepping the boundaries then you should speak with HR.


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mononokiwi

Maybe they’re like your coworker lol 😂 no shame, just downright disrespectful a holes! You’re a beautiful person, ma’sha’Allah. Take care of yourself sis


imankitty

Eww that's disgusting. If you can tell his wife that would be good. He has to behave himself he's acting so disrespectfully to his marriage. He's not doing islam any favours by acting so foolishly.


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midad-

Hi, the islamic thing to do in this situation is to NOT tell his wife. It's considered causing fitna if I'm not wrong, I really hope I'm not. Talk to a sheikh first to be sure. I wish there was a way for you to tell him how unprofessional, rude and fetishising his behaviour was, but ig it's not socially feasible...


aerosonic_96

Looks like you are a woman. In such case, give him few tough words to make it clear that you don't accept his behavior. Keep the relation as formal as possible.


TheIslamicAccount

Is he stupid? Out of all people, Why would he bring up previous ex’es and discuss it with a hijabi? How stupid can one be?


hajraan

A-lot of guys grow up like that. If you don’t tell him its wrong then he would never know. Im sure at some level that you’ve talked with your friends about some guy, a-lot of guys just aren’t brought up with more decency in this regard


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hajraan

Yes its disrespectful, but he was probably never really taught that, so he is acting like he always has. Don’t let it affect you sister just be mad at him, but don’t let it affect your self image. If a “muslim” girl talked like that around me I would definitely be pissed, but I wouldn’t start picking my self esteem, I would just think she is disgusting


beemo96

This sounds like an excuse. Regardless of how one is brought up, it is their responsibility as a functioning adult to learn and be better.


WinterCompetition

Probably any direct contact between you two is not permitted. If this is really something that bothers you ask a scholar. I've seen so many scholars say otherwise on topics that were answered here by us Hobby sheikhs. Your Deen seems important to you (as it should) but then again it should be important enough to take your time and ask a knowledgeable person. Someone who has studied this and has a degree. Many of the advice and comments here are rather hateful instead of helpful, trying to expose him, make his life worse etc, this is not what Islam is about. Go ask a scholar and forget Reddit sheikhs. May Allah SWT guide and forgive us all insha'Allah.


tonne97

Wow your colleagues get time to talk about these. Anyway talk to HR If the dude bothers you


SkyShazad

In the UK i have these 2 workers.. Male and female, girl is hijabi. Anyway both are married but both are so seeing each other if that makes Senes.. They don't even try to hide it from other workers


IceBeyr

Had a similar problem at work, new guy came and was from dubai, so I thought that's good, now we have 2 Muslims in the company.. Turns out this guys drank, took drugs and was more filthy than my coworkers who were generally well behaved and professional. Then we found out he used to party with the prince's of dubai and knew every nightclub and he had crazy stories about what he and prince's used to get up to, and even told us that every nightclub has a secret entrance for the Royal families secret section, and he's been in many. They had every type of debauchery possible. I won't go into details, it's sufficient to know that every type of sexual deviancy was offered with a side of drugs. You could imagine my colleagues eyes bursting out when hearing this. It was so embarrassing, and he wouldn't stop despite me telling him. I left after a month, as I was offered another role elsewhere. Before that I had another job where I was the only Muslim and then another muslim started, a software developer. He however didn't pray etc so my manager would challenge me about praying and requiring time and use of a spare room, thinking I was making it all up, because this guy didn't pray. I told my manager that the matter was between him and God, and not my business. He was very professional but didn't pray.


naiq6236

Disgusting! At least, You would think you would refrain out of respect for you, a Muslim sister. I would keep the relationship strictly professional and superficial.


iqramsins

The Muslim guy is 100% in the wrong but I think there is another reason why it's affecting ur mental health as I went through ur post history and looks like ur just seeking validation from other men on reddit so I would assume ur trying to seek validation at ur workplace too and since the Muslim guy didn't validate ur looks, u seem to have an issue with him validating better looking women (he is still wrong for doing this married or not). Maybe ur not his type but seems like simps on reddits like you alot as they see the edited version of u online. If u really have a problem with ur muslim colleague fetishising white women then why are u allowing random most likely white men to fetishise hijabi women by posting selfie on reddit? I see hypocrisy here. You need to fix ur act.


homenumReveleo

Send him an anonymous email. Say if he continues you'll complain to HR or something and his wife lol. Just don't accidentally give you name or anything. Do from a new email.


furajsredinom

So discussing that it is normalized in the Muslim cirlces


ScarletArmor

Make sure to let him know that this is making you uncomfortable and that he should keep it professional at work If he doesn't quit escalate him


Maleficent-Onion-779

He's married. His wife is either clueless or very well aware of his preferences which is honestly, just as bad (although he may not realize that she notices how his eyes follow certain women. Trust me, we notice.) I would pull him aside and say, "Bro--your behavior and comments about some of the women in the office is unacceptable, whether you're married, Muslim, or not. It absolutely can get you in trouble with HR and it can also harm your relationship with your wife. Please stop. Lower your gaze. Enough." Then walk away and avoid him if possible. BUT I would also protect yourself about confronting him with somebody, somehow. Send an email to an Imam or a friend from your personal account about the situation (not at work or on work email address) BEFORE you confront him... just so you have some back up in case he goes to HR and reports you. (Yes, some would do that.)


rulerofsovietchungia

I would suggest that you, with a bit of a light tread, talk to him and suggest that If he doesn't want to be with his wife and dreams of other women, to marry one he ac tually wants to be with.


n141311

I think times like this call for leadership. The guy may have his own insecurities & is trying to fit in with the other guys through his ‘locker room’ type talk. Pull him to one side & privately tell him this kind of talk is offensive. Cut it out. If he persists, report it to HR because those kind of comments in a workplace environment where the only woman in the team can hear could constitute sexual harassment . It’s damn right unprofessional let alone unethical & unislamic.


MisterDoxFox

Plenty of "brown" Muslims that act like they're not married whilst they're at work. Enough of them have cheated on their wives with work colleagues. Don't allow his comments to affect you. He is nothing and means nothing to you. Treat him as another non-Muslim who works with you.


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MisterDoxFox

I'm from the UK and my experience is with south asian lads. You have those that come from decent families and you can tell they're decent people. You also have those that are misogynistic, rude, loud, have open haram relationships, go clubbing, smoke, drink, do drugs, and cheat on their wives. If you are interested in guys like him, then I'd say don't get married 🤣 If you're not, then you won't end up with a guy like him. The best one is when they start talking to a girl and convince the girl that she's the only one that can change him 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👌👌👌


awdorkably_written

Sorry you're going through this OP. Others have given you some good advice and I'd just tlike to add to it. If possible, try to collect evidence. Start writing down the comments he makes, when he said them, and who was around when he said them (so that you'll have a log of what was said and potential witnesses, if it becomes necessary). If possible, record what what he's saying even if only audio, obviously just to have another solid record of his behavior. If he sends unprofessional texts, then screenshot those too. I'm not saying to do anything with all of this at the moment, but should his behavior escalate especially after expressing your discomfort, then at least you have an organized collection to take to HR instead of being dismissed as he said, she said. Good luck. Hope things work out.


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Alternative_Habit790

No it's not racism, not everything is racist. He has a preference, just like you have a preference, are you on the end of darker men side or lighter? He seems to be on lighter. That is a preference. I like Asian women, does that mean I am racist to black and white? No I have a preference Second part if he is being unprofessional with you, report him to the HR, what kind of jokes he does with others is none of your business. Stop putting your nose in other people life.


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Alternative_Habit790

Nose ring what? Excuse me?


Alternative_Habit790

Oh I get it, you asked in this forum being worries about your looks etc, and I went to see what exactly you on about and gave my two cents on your selfies, don't ask for opinion if you can't take it


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Alternative_Habit790

How can it be a internal racism if his wife is brown, I think you don't know what you are talking about?