By - TwoFray
When I used to work at this calzone shop I got all sorts of weird requests from drunk college kids.
Once I got an online order for a calzone with just ranch in it. Nothing else.
The create your own on in the online orders system did not automatically come with cheese. It wasn't that odd to get an order for no cheese.
But this was odd.
I even called the guy to make sure. Nope, it wasn't a mistake. He really wanted just ranch inside the calzone. Pizza dough and warm ranch soup in the middle. I was so disgusted making that order I still cringe thinking about it years later lol
I've seen people drink ranch from a bowl.
I've had tickets tell me to add ranch to fry oil.
I've had ranch all up in the nether regions because of dropped containers.
I've never had this request. Thank you for the nightmares
This ranch abuse makes me sad. It really hits different on some fresh chicken tenders and fries, and is very versatile, so why do people go to great lengths to do ungodly things with it when there’s perfectly good combos right there in front of them?
Ranch has its place, and it is very tasty when used in moderation. It should not be used in huge amounts on everything. I've seen ranch flavored soda for god's sake. This shit needs to stop.
Sup mellow mike!
When I would work the salad station at a pizza place we often had orders for extra extra extra ranch. I was sending out bowls of ranch soup with some lettuce and tomatoes floating in it. A couple times it got sent back for not having enough ranch dressing.
When I was in the Boy Scouts, I had a friend that LOVED brownies and chocolate chip cookies dipped in ranch. I haven't thought about that in years.
Ahh I see you have also worked at a kitchen in the Midwest, dropping a ranch bucket is a right of passage lol.
Ever get a call for a "pizzone"? My friend and I were stoned as shit and couldn't think of the word "Calzone" so we called asking for a "pizzone". The guy on the other end was not having it though.
"Can we get...uh...I think it's called a Pizzone?"
"yeah...like a sandwich..but a pizza... a folded baked pizza...you know...a pizzone?'
"We don't have pizzones *CLICK*"
I think that’s what the Pizza Hut version was called. It was terrible.
Oh, god, a Pizza Hut “p’zone” and a bottle of rum in a cheap motel….my puke was more grease than anything else.
Hey Hoo, Hey Hoo, a cheap motel and a bottle of rum
I was reading your post as a Irish drinking song.
That has to be the on of the most unappetizing things I’ve read on this subreddit yet, no joke.
I started reading like "Okay, how can you fuck up a calzone? They are the perfect customizable food because anything works with them."
I was wrong.
I hate myself for laughing so hard on this dude, but wow…warm ranch soup inside of dough. Maybe to make you feel better, I knew a guy that would take a stick of butter and a bowl of sugar, and lik-a-stik. The plight of our people have not changed, only evolved.
I've never had anything activate my fight or flight response before, but by god the words "warm ranch soup" did it
You’re a real one for calling and asking
God damn it Wade
Actually sounds good if plated better. Not gonna lie. I would never custom order this. But with a juicy prime rib? It would be kinda like a French dip without the bread. Would be something I could experiment with at home. Definitely not restaurant material.
I like prime rib. I like provolone. I have to assume I would like prime rib with provolone.
“Yeah gimme a foot long steak, provolone wit”
Prime rib provy wit is probably delicious.
I'm from Atlanta. The local food truck bar had a truck selling cheesesteaks. I ordered one, asked for provolone wit, and she said "You must be from Philly."
I've never been more insulted in my life.
"Do I look like I'm from a place that can beat Tom Brady in the Superbowl? C'mon"
>"Do I look like I'm from a place that can beat Tom Brady ~~in the Superbowl~~? C'mon"
You're not wrong, but it's worse than you know.
Yo fuck you. Come to philly. I'll fight you. Pussy.
Never change Philly!
You piece of shit one bridge having city.
People go on and on and on about wiz, but prov. wit is what the gods eat.
Insulted? She probably meant it as a compliment.
Right maybe if the cheese were actually melted
Give it a quick pass under the salamander, just enough to bubble the cheese but not long enough to cook the meat any further. A risky gambit but worth it.
I think undercook the meat then put the prov to almost burnt and I’d be in heaven.
Torch. That way you won't mark the meat.
Yeah, we definitely made an effort afterwards to make it appear more appetizing, this was just when it first came out
Honestly, some horseradish, provolone, and some time in the broiler sounds great.
Thank you for the horsey addition!!! I’m about to go in on some foods.
Yeah. stick that shit under the salamander and I'm eating the hell out of it.
chopped up prime rib with philly steak cheez wiz scooped on
not enough to like, drown it, but so you get cheesiness in every bite
Dude then bread is like the main part
I agree. Just saying this doesn’t sound bad.
We had a customer that would always request our house made apple sauce on his steak. It was super sweet and flavored with anise. We thought that maybe someone had discovered an amazing new combination of flavors (narrator: they had not).
I once as a kid in a fit of kid brain decided to put Cool Whip on my steak. Parents just sat and watched me do it. Didn't bother stopping me and I can't say blame em. I still have that combo stuck in my head to this day.
Sometimes kids need to be allowed to do dumbass things.
One Easter when I was 8, I put strawberry jello and cool whip on a slice of ham and ate it like a burrito. Everyone looked in in horror but nobody stopped me. I’m glad because it was *fucking delicious*.
Part of the "child palette" is only wanting sweet and salty and not wanting any acid, bitter, or strong aromatics. Jello and ham fit the bill, and it doesn't matter if the flavors "don't balance". Kids basically just need sugar, salt, and heavy marketing.
>and heavy marketing.
Child-me wanted all the acid. Loved sour candy, lime-ade, would even eat lemons and limes until my dentist told me to knock it off.
I do agree in general though.
Salt n vinegar chips by the bag, lemons like other people eat oranges, entire bags of warheads….hell I have straight citric acid in my home pantry right now.
IMO everyone should have citric acid in their pantry. Should be as common as vinegar.
You can use it for making salad dressings, cocktails and soft drinks, to brighten sauces. If you're into canning and preserving, it helps prevent botulism from forming.
Sometimes I'll make egg bites and take them into work. A little citric acid keeps them fresher in the fridge.
To top it off, you can clean and disinfect with it. Extremely handy to have.
Yeah lol I was the same. But then, we end up here. Normal kids work the other way.
When I was about 5 years old, I used to eat raw onions like they were apples.
...I still love onions, but maybe not that much
>Sometimes kids need to be allowed to do dumbass things.
That's what my father said to my mom right before I stuck a knife in the wall socket. He called it a "learning experience." To this day I still don't know what he learned
It’s important for kids to get the stupid out of their system early so they’re not carrying that onto adulthood
Me when I was five:I was told that I could put whatever I wanted on plain oatmeal which is exactly the wrong thing to tell a kid so I mixed Grape Jam and Mayo into my Oatmeal. It. It wasn't very good I'll tell you that much
I used to make milkshakes as a kid by mixing milk and oj. It tasted great to me!
A poor man's Orange Julius.
Milk and orange soda was one of my favorites as a kid.
Thanks. You've ruined my night.
One time I was in Prague and the guy I was with took me to a restaurant where the specialty was beef in cream sauce. It was slices of beef with canned Reddi-wip. I ate it
I'm Czech and I can confirm that [beef in cream sauce](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sv%C3%AD%C4%8Dkov%C3%A1) is a normal and popular thing. With cranberries and sometimes even a bit of unsweetened whipped cream on the side. That said, touristy restaurants are notorious for not using quality products.
This is so close to milk steak with jellybeans
Apple sauce on pork chops with maybe some spaetzal is delicious
(I know I’m murdering that word, fuck it)
Anise and Cumin are overpowering to me. I can barely tolerate Fennel and Chervil bc that anise taste gets me.
In high school a guy I knew tried to drink an entire bottle of Sambuca and puked it up on a bus.
In America, I live in an Indian/Pakistani/Bangladeshi/Tibetan neighborhood.
Walking thru the business district, the cumin and spices wafting from the restaurants and halal food carts.
I love it!
I think you have made different memory associations to the aroma of anise than ShitBot404 has.
Did somebody say Milk Steak?
She’ll know what it means
User name checks out
I prefer my milk steak boiled medium vs over hard. Only the finest jelly beans, raw.
A regular at my place asks for a slice of that processed american "cheese" put on a slice of our apple pie and then microwaved for 30 seconds, I'm not brave enough to try it
Cheese and apple pie is a magnificent combination….but it’s usually a sharp cheddar, not American
That's a VERY normal thing. Especially in Wisconsin and Vermont. A slice of Cheddar is pretty normal, but some people just use a slice of processed cheese.
A slice of pie without cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze.
It’s sounds really weird but tastes okay. We had a slice in Colorado.
The top crust was savory buttery flaky crust with Wisconsin Creamy Cheddar cheese.
No he wanted it just slapped on top of the filling area and then microwaved, if I have the picture still I’ll post it
OMG this should be NSFW, Do not google pictures of this, it looks so disgusting.
You mean Kings din din
When I was a kid I used to eat apple sauce with my steak!
It's a pretty normal thing in many parts of europe
Apple sauce with the Perry’s pork chop is really good actually
Yeah, pork works very well with sweetness.
Idk that sounds pretty good to me.
Actually I've found it to be great as a camping dinner. We eat a lot of grilled steak and need sides for the boys. One night was chunky applesauce and some baked beans. The meat always has a nice smokey mess to it. I also crave corn or cranberry sauce too
My brother used to dunk tuna salad sandwiches in orange juice, i by used to I mean he still does, and he is 40.
Many many years ago, I worked at a TGI Fridays in Texas. We had a regular that would come in (older lady that wore a mink stole, cat eye rimmed glasses, and a kind of creepy smile) and always requested steak tartare. She would always call ahead and reserve the same table.
Steak tartare (obviously not on the TGIF menu), garden salad, and a small bowl of “balsamic” vinegar.
She would take a nibble of the tartare and *sip* the vinegar from a spoon.
People can truly be surprising with their eccentricities.
Sounds like she was working hard at it.
Where do you guys source your lion?
Asking the real questions here 😤🦁
A taco restaurant where I used to live made "lion tacos" some years back. Caused a bit of controversy.
How did all of that mixed together taste like?
Sounds like a train wreck, but my wife might try it.
She has tried all of those things separate but doesn’t want Rocky Mountain oysters.
They weren't mixed, afaik, but it was this weekly thing where they cooked some exotic sounding meat for a taco special. The lion one was not well received.
That's neat.. I'd travel from KCMO to eat some lion.
The costumers know they prefer lion and the costumer is always right. The show must go on
What was it like working on a ship in general? Interesting gig!
I love this, I'm guessing the order went something like this
Customer: "I have a hankering for some befsztyk tatarski, could the chef make it for me please?"
C: "loin, uncooked, diced. The chef will know"
I can’t believe no one who has responded to this brought up the raw steak. Sir you met a vampire that day and it sounds like she marked you for later
G’day Outbacker! Have a Bonzer day!
Glad I’m not the only one that always recognizes anything Outback. And I’ve been out of there for 10 years…
I’ve worked at 4 Outbacks in two states spanning 12 years started as a busboy ended up killing myself
I gotta say, I don't think it worked
Damn, I've been out so long I didn't recognize it off the bat. But now I see the bagged veggies and rice and yup, I'm on board.
The plates threw me, back in my day® we still had the big hefty fuckers. Back before they toned the ZOMG AUSSIE shit way down. Back when the servers still wore brightly colored shirts with a gazillion pins and shit.
Once an Outbacker, always an Outbacker.
It was the cheese for me, the number of times I’ve burned myself on that damn French Onion.
Hate it for ya but there’s no way that’s what they wanted. Best case scenario they expected it melted.
We threw it in the salamander for a little while, we had just put in on. I thought it made for a funny picture though.
Any horsey or anything else..?
Yeah that’s the plate you see on the side, didn’t want to throw the au jus and creamy horseradish in there with it so that’s why it’s on a separate plate in the picture.
Oh ok, I see you!
This answered my biggest question, thank you!
Exactly. Has no one here had a Philly cheese steak?? Or blue cheese sauce on a steak? You can put cheese on steaks.
Putting a fucking deli slice on it...I'm going to have to say that's the problem here.
I like my steaks sloppy in a plate of water
They'd say no sloppy steaks! But they can't stop you from ordering a steak and a glass of water! Yeah, I used to be a real piece of shit.
What else are we seeing on that tray?
A plate with au jus, creamy horseradish, and asparagus. A five ounce sirloin with fries, and a New York strip with rice and mixed veggies. I work at a quick dining steakhouse, so most of our food is prepared by chef Mike.
Is this steakhouse the opposite of In Front?
That explains the plastic.
But what did the gaffer, best boy, grip, and choreographer order?
Sorry, I’ll see myself out. Exit! Stage right, even!
Provolone's not the *worst* choice.
What cheese pairs well with Prime Rib?
I imagine the best to least would range from Gruyere down to Slice of Kraft.
My first instinct was Gruyere as well, but I was also thinking that a nice smoked Gouda would go well with it on a sandwich
Well a good blue cheese or something like a cambozola is a pretty good option.
I also used to do a fantastic "Beef and Brie" sandwich with yesterday's prime rib. Sliced thin and piled up with some deeply caramelized onions and a couple slabs of brie cheese. Flash that under the broiler then slap it on a bun with some horseradish mayo or whatever.
Costumer: "They'll never recognize me under this slice of cheese!"
Why are there what look like used gloves on the food?
Plastic bags for heating up pre-prepared food. Doesn’t look the best in the kitchen but we do our best to make it look at least a little better before bringing it out.
After being on Keto since the new year this actually looks great if melted
I prefer my steaks in milk.
Boiled over hard? Side of jelly beans?
It's the only way
Am I the only one that doesn’t get this?
It's from the show "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" Season 5, episode 5.
Are all the sides microwaved in baggies? Are the steaks prepared fresh? Honestly if you’re nuking half the shit the provolones not that insulting
Kinda strange but not that weird. Provolone is my go to for most sandwiches, including steak and cheese.
I could see a couple melted slices on prime rib to be interesting. Au jus and horseradish, please.
And a twice baked potato. ;)
You couldn’t shred it and take a blowtorch to it? Would be tasty if well executed.
Sometimes after I cook a steak I will put Brie in the pan afterwards to melt it down in the steak juices and then pour it over the steak. This is basically the same, yeah?
I mean, essentially it’s a Philly cheese steak but w/o the bun and onions. If I was the chef, I would have at least put three slices to cover the steak and then put it under the broiler to melt and brown the cheese. Honestly just looks like an lazy attempt to accommodate a customer. Slap a cold pc of provolone and call it good? At least give it some presentation. That’s a 10 cent slice of cheese on a 26 dollar cut of meat.
Did you melt that tho?
Maybe they miss Argentina and wanted to eat a Provoleta
Not mad. Put the jus on too
Someone got their memories of provoleta at asados in Argentina all mixed up.
Really dressed it up for the costumer
You could have at least melted it for him and made it nice..?
This actually doesn’t sound bad if you put it under the broiler and melt it.
Better than cheddar cheese on fried mahi. Just why?
Look for "carne de sol no queijo coalho", it's brazilian jerky beef with cheese. It'd very tasty
...on rye? They had to think they were ordering a sandwich.
We also have a prime rib sandwich on the menu, so they definitely had to specify this lol. We made it look much better before presenting it though.
To each his own...
Shingle that on and hit it with a broiler and I could dig it. Still beats the American cheese on a tomahawk guy
Yessir I’d please like some cheesy beef.
Hey, finally a store that does the garlic butter right instead of getting lazy and using a scoop on the line.
Hill Billy CheeseSteak
That might possibly be worse then the tomahawk with American cheese lol
Worked in a sports bar once and someone wanted their Reuben smothered with a scoop of chili.
Looks like an Outback
Melt that shit and make it the best you can!
at least throw it in the microwave to melt it, you heathen!
Melt it a bit and I’m down to try it
I mean… they probably wanted it melted. Just a thought?
Melt it, dude. And put a couple slices.
Could have atleast tried to make it look halfway presentable instead of just slapping a cold round of cheese on there.
Microwaved rice and veggies in plastic bags. Yay soft plastics in food.
man i miss getting prime half off working at outback lmao
The contrast between the red meat and the solid, room temperature cheese....
you couldn't bother to melt it?
I'm not gonna judge that too harshly, at least it's not A1 or ketchup
Maybe going for that cheesesteak flavor profile?
“Your finest cheese steak please”
Dumb customer requests should be it's own sub.
You are not wrong.
goddamit I hate people
Funny because we make our French dips with leftover prime rib, provolone, etc
They probably wanted it shredded and baked on...
Unless this is literally how they wanted it.
Maybe a little butter? Who ordered that, Krusty himself?
Imagine Ordering this at a restaurant then Gordon Ramsay comes out of the kitchen and personally curses you out for even putting this shit together