T O P

Never did I imagine how little it might take to break me.

Never did I imagine how little it might take to break me.

parkerm1408

Had a lady eat her cheesecake with ketchup once. I still see it. I'll die still seeing every moment of that with perfect clarity.


Jesus_Shaves_

Well I might as well share this story of something that is burned into my brain forever. I was working at an upscale beach resort in Florida. We got famous guests sometimes and SOP was to basically walk on eggshells around them and get them whatever they wanted. So Art Garfunkel (of Simon & Garfunkel), his wife and family are there. I’m working at the pool restaurant and they are in my section. I bring them their drinks and she gives me a food order which includes a hotdog off the kids menu. Their food comes out and I bring it over. A couple minutes later I go by to do a table touch and they say everything is fine, and his wife is eating the hotdog. I move on and do a lap and as I’m heading back to the bar I hear someone calling “excuse me, excuse me!” behind me. I turn around and Art Garfunkel’s wife Kathryn, this woman apparently used to be a *model*, is walking towards me upset with ketchup and mustard around her mouth. She angrily asks me where the hotdog is, she said she ordered a hot dog and I never brought it, and her kid(grandkid?) is hungry. I am dumbfounded, and can’t stop looking at her mouth, again, *smeared* with ketchup and mustard. I mumble out an apology and say I’ll get it right away, and turn around to head back to the kitchen. I get one fired and bring it over ASAP, and she hardly acknowledges it. I will never get her indignant face smeared with ketchup and mustard out of my mind.


N546RV

Since my assumption is that this was some weird low level scam to get a free hot dog - it fascinates me how people take weird routes to doing stuff like this. Like, wouldn't it have been easier to hide then hot dog under the table and then claim it was missing? Anyway, this is leading up to a relevant story from me. When I was 16, I worked at McDonald's, in one of those stores that shared a building with a gas station. The floor plan had the drink fountains in the sort of passageway between the stores, and you couldn't see it from the front counter. So one day a dude walked in, ordered his food and a cup of water, and then added, "and you don't have to get the water, I can do it." You see, since the fountains were around the corner, SOP was to fill water cups behind the counter to prevent people from just putting Coke in their water cup. Now, it was immediately suspicious that this guy said that, but I was also 16 and didn't give a shit either way, so I was just gonna give him the cup...except my manager intercepted me. "He asked for just the cup, right? Don't you give it to him, he's gonna put Coke in it." OK, I still don't care but manager trumps customer. So I grabbed a cup and headed for the drive-thru, and this dude *instantly* responds. "Hey, I said you didn't have to do that!" I mumbled something about store policy in response. "No really, I can get it! I don't mind!" He continued to protest louder and louder the whole time. Like, could you make it any more fucking transparent what you're trying to do? For fuck's sake, let me fill the cup, then just pour the goddamn water out and put Coke in there.


blurrrrg

The obvious sign was asking for a water cup, then looking back at me 5 times on their way to the soda machine to see if I was watching. Yes. I am. I'm here for 12 hours I have nothing better to do.


zkilla

> For fuck's sake, let me fill the cup, then just pour the goddamn water out and put Coke in there. loooooooool


awfullotofocelots

You got double dog dared my guy.


cingerix

oh man, based on her picture, i wouldnt be surprised if she didnt know the ketchup and mustard were there because she literally couldnt feel any part of [her plastic face](https://www.google.com/search?q=kathryn+cermak&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safari#imgrc=45vyGZ54paArWM)


Ade_93

She looks scary, Or happy or sad not sure


cingerix

she looks mustardy lmao


Demp_Rock

That is an…..interesting looking woman


TheCosmicJester

It used to be shocking when someone got that much work done, but these days nobody raises an eyebrow.


teacherecon

Nobody can.


IdleOsprey

Is that his wife or his twin sister?


RevolutionarySalt530

they really let anyone model


idontneedaridefromu

God I wish I had an award for u


FuckRedditorsandYou

This kind of shit is more common than most people think. I was helping out at the host stand years ago and this couple walks in. It was drizzling a bit outside and they asked to sit on the patio. I let them know it wasn’t covered or heated but they demanded it. So I take them outside, in the drizzle, and they get upset that it’s drizzling and now they don’t want to sit out there. You literally cannot make this shit up.


kat_the_parrot_lover

“you just came IN…..from the OUTSIDE…”


Mindless_Possession

We had people complain and try to escalate it to the manager because there were *flies* outside. Not like a plague of flies but they were being bothered by there being flies flying around flyingly outside on the patio. Imagine. *Flies*. *Outside*. The horror. And now fly doesn't seem like a word. :S


OmriY1

This is almost literally the bit on Spongebob with Patrick eating the chocolate bar


DerivativeDogma

I forgot that one! I thought you were going to say Bubblebass.


B1naryB0t

SpongeBob prepared me so well for awful customers.


snowysnowy

"Hello darkness my old friend..." has never been more appropriate


Vamanoscabron

Of course, had to google this broad to understand your trauma, and... that's some David Lynch material, lol. 86 pleasant sleep for life


Lord_Voltan

and now I'm gonna starve!


Four_beastlings

I googled the lady and she seems to look exactly the same over the past 30 years. So I take it stolen hot dogs is the recipe for immortality.


snowonelikesme

jobs not worth it, I would have showed her a selfie using my phone, poke Garfunkel even cause come on. you can't afford a kids hotdog.


Jesus_Shaves_

Honestly it was. I was making cash tips hand over fist, plus $12/hr. All the extra shifts I could want working in banquets, the lobby bar/restaurant, beach bar, and room service (where rich fucks order a bottle of Patron for 3x the price at the liquor store and tipped me on top of it). Also it was associated with Hilton so I used my employee ID with Hilton logo at other Hiltons whenever traveling and got a room for super cheap. Got a suite once, last minute when driving cross country, for $60. Fuck I miss that job


builtbybama_rolltide

Sounds like a certain Hilton we visit in South Walton county. If so, it’s a great hotel. I’ve been staying there for years. Got engaged there, got ready for my wedding there (got married elsewhere on the beach at sunset close by) honeymooned there, my son first saw the ocean there.


PmMeIrises

You broke my brain. I would never have survived that day. Who does that? Especially rich people? I'm so confused.


Jesus_Shaves_

Dude you would not believe how stingy some rich people would be. At that pool bar/restaurant, they had to make the entire pool area part of the restaurant for the liquor license so we could serve alcohol there. People would bring coolers with their own booze cause they didn’t want to pay for alcohol, and we had to tell them they couldn’t. I’m not trying to flex here but I swear to you, I had to tell Bradley Cooper that he could not have his [igloo cooler](https://i5.walmartimages.com/asr/cd3a6569-fbad-4b89-8a12-258949b11ad9.4f9bfccf57bc9196a0931ecf7e9c366d.jpeg?odnWidth=612&odnHeight=612&odnBg=ffffff) out there because he had a couple beers in there he was drinking. Since technically the whole pool was a bar people couldn’t do that. It was so petty and dumb and I had more than a few people slip me $20 to ignore their cooler.


mickcube

[we're all trying to find the guy who did this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLfAf8oHrMo)


rabbittwitch

I can see the entirety of one of our three dining areas from my pass window. So many times I have seen -straight up stood in the window and watched- some of my shiftier customers grab the coveted item from their appetizer platter, scarf it, and then immediately flag down their server to claim I robbed them of their cheap cash and carry mozz sticks.


GarfeelLzanya

I once cooked a 10oz center cut filet beyond well done with a side of yakisoba. The lady then asked for ketchup and mixed it all together. This was in a tepanyaki restaurant.


RegressToTheMean

What a terrible day to have eyes...


BassBeerNBabes

Sometimes it's hard not to wonder if some people's sense of taste is truly just wrong.


lawless_sapphistry

HEATHEN


triceracrops

I walked into the restroom to check them one day and not a foot from the door stands a man, peeing into the hand dryer. People's food orders only begin to hint at their true weirdness.


gr33nteaholic

WHAT!!


parkerm1408

We had a guy (prolly 45-50) straight puke on the floor 2 minutes after sitting down, go to the bathroom, come back, sit back in the same spot of lake vomit and then claim claim was there when he got there. I hear you man.


ChickenNougatCream

What the fuck


killl_billl

It's just tomato jam


DONTLOOKITMEIMNAKED

when I worked at Ruby tuesdays, I had an older couple that would come in and ask for hot water and lemons and split one baked potato they would put ketchup in the hot water and make tomato soup and make lemonade out of lemon wedges.


Ka_blam

Now I know what he’ll looks like thanks.


SKIKS

That is the shit Lovecraft was writing about.


weakasnails

Wow. My thoughts are with you in this difficult time.


WeirdGymnasium

Should have asked the ~~bartender~~ server to make sure they didn't want a double.


BassBeerNBabes

My thoughts are with the kids' chairs. Never did I imagine you could tell the weight of a kid by a ticket.


AardQuenIgni

I can tell the weight of the whole family from this order. I can almost hear their Alabama drawl too.


queenamidallface

I wanted to post the gif of Jamie Oliver in South Park crying.... but it's just TOO FUCKING REAL. The poorest county in Socal considered ketchup, I say again, KETCHUP as a fucking fruit, so that they could save money and get away with serving kids: corn dogs, tator tots, milk, and of course, ketchup. I know a lot of us cooks would love to gobble that up in a heart beat, but we actually DO HAVE to consider the kids. The fucked up thing, the public is usually given time to vote against something like this. We all just roll over don't we Edit: sorry for the rant.... you get it


mgraunk

> We all just roll over don't we No? We vote against it, and the idiots pass it anyway, because there are more worthless morons who agree that ketchup should be a fruit than there are thinking adults who actually bother to vote.


zevoxx

Most ketchup is closer to candy than a fruit


Ongr

Isn't [*PIZZA*](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.thejournal.ie/us-congress-rules-that-pizza-is-a-vegetable-282033-Nov2011/%3famp=1) considered a vegetable in the US?


StopBangingThePodium

Pizza is not considered a vegetable, no. The sauce on the pizza is considered to be "one serving" of vegetable. When you compare it to what the other "one serving of a vegetable" options are, it's not an unreasonable decision.


Flako118st

One of the orders I once took, was a Cesar Salad,no croutons ,no dressing. Iceberg,no dressing ,no bacon. I grabbed the order. Went straight to the kitchen showed it to the salad guy, the line cooks and the chef. We had a good laugh at the stupidest request on a salad we obtained. I had to have my manager double check on the order because wtf!


UltimaCaitSith

I went to a buffet and someone there just filled up on iceberg lettuce. That's it. He kept going back to fill up his plate. In 20/20 hindsight he seemed to be coming down off of some drugs and was probably super dehydrated.


noselike

Reminds me of a joke diet: You can eat whatever you like and however many meals you want a day. But you have to eat a whole head of lettuce without dressing first before you start eating each meal.


art_usagi

A real diet that my MIL was on, prescribed by her doctor, was a cabbage soup diet. Short term bursts, I think a week at a time every few months. It was bonkers. For a whole week all she could eat was cabbage soup. As much as she wanted. But just that one thing. I think I'd go insane.


PM-Me-ur-Self-Esteem

Yoooooooo i cant believe a Dr. Actually subscribed that. I used to do that crash diet when i was trying to lose weight because it was so restrictive. The diet I had though would be like "day 3: you can eat 2 bananas today and all the soup you want!" Me on day 3 "...i think i will just eat only bananas". Theyd even say things like "you MUST eat at least one cup of soup!" Because they realized how shitty it was. That diet, from what i understand, is 100 percent a no no now because it is just lacking in everything.


art_usagi

It was 20ish years ago. Maybe more.


PreferredSelection

I've heard of that but with potatoes. No thanks. (Esp since in that diet, you can't do anything fun with them, no toppings, oil, or butter or anything.)


fastermouse

That’s how Kevin Smith lost all his extra weight after his heart attack.


Lone-flamingo

Oh wow. What was that diet for? Weight loss? Nutrition?


art_usagi

Weight loss. It is very lacking in nutrition.


Lone-flamingo

I'm not really familiar with cabbage soup but I didn't think cabbage was very nutritious. And that was prescribed by a doctor? Wow, that sounds so strange.


art_usagi

The diet is a simple concept for simple minds. She needed to lose weight. And isn't very good at following instructions. Doctor's prescribe lots of things as harm mitigation. Better to have poor nutrition for a few weeks a year than being obese.


jenniferami

I think the cabbage soup diet was more like a chain letter thing that people shared with friends and colleagues with the story written on the recipe that it was prescribed by someone’s doctor to make it seem legit but it really wasn’t. I doubt any doctor would prescribe that.


art_usagi

Hers did. I'm not going to claim that her doctor isn't a whack job. Honestly he probably got the idea from a chain letter.


Pallie01

Iceberg is an awesome hangover snack


MoveToStrike

Nashi pears FTW!


sdforbda

Or training for competitive eating.


plainOldFool

I like the term that Daym Drops dude uses for iceberg... "crunchy water"


cingerix

and how he'll call a watery tomato slice "the red ring of death" lmfao that dude's funny. im happy for him that theyre giving him a netflix series ~~even tho tbh the premise of it looks weak~~


jamajikhan

I once got a ticket for a chicken cesar salad made vegan. Called the waiter to explain that basically means plain romaine lettuce. Even the croutons were toasted with butter. "That's what she ordered" Who am I to argue. Let's sell romaine lettuce with a ten euro mark up. The customer was ecstatic.


WeirdGymnasium

>The customer was ecstatic. Had a vegan tonight and had a TON of mods, we did exactly what was ordered, app and all. ECSTATIC. I believe that when they get what they want without anyone questioning them, they're happy. At the worst. "We had to take out the chicken, the dressing, the anchovies, the crutons, but we made sure it was up to your specs" TBH that's what separates the vegans AND celiacs from the "I just want attention" crowd. And they'll come back because they know you will break down a caesar salad to NOTHING, just to know they'll be able to trust you. Also got him a vegetable crudité instead of our normal bread/butter combo.


lck2010

My fiance is a vegan and she's like that. She's fully aware what she orders sometimes is just barren and bizzare, but the peace of mind knowing that she can trust the kitchen and that's she's not consuming anything she didn't want to is huge for her. And she tips fucking FAT. Front and back of house.


WeirdGymnasium

That's what I'm all about. If she described what she wanted, and she got what she wanted. All good in my book.


AlmostButNotQuiteTea

Sure, not a big deal. But like, what's the point? It's so expensive sometimes for what they get.


lck2010

Well obviously if we have our choice of restaurant we're not going to go to a place where she has to modify down to a head of romaine. But we often find ourselves in social situations involving eating. Instead of being those annoying vegans/vegetarians demanding that our whole group must accommodate our dietary restrictions and go to a vegan spot, we'd rather go somewhere we can all enjoy.


AlmostButNotQuiteTea

Makes sense


CraftLass

As a former vegan, it's fun to eat out with friends even if you can't get something that isn't super plain and that's really what you are paying for, the good time.


AlmostButNotQuiteTea

Fair enough


CalypsoContinuum

This thiiis. I'm vegan and have a bunch of allergies and intolerances with food, and I tip HELLA well for anywhere I can order like this, even if they literally just give me a quarter of a head of lettuce, a dry potato and a lemon wedge. Chances are I'll come back over and over and over, and if I order that, I'm mainly out for the company, not the meal, so I'm not at all bothered by it being... plain. It's the trust and kindness, that they'll still give me my quarter of lettuce and lemon wedge, and treat me like a normal(ish) customer.


just2quixotic

> that's what separates the vegans AND celiacs from the "I just want attention" crowd. Whenever I get someone complaining they or their kid have some major allergic reaction to just about anything, I tell them, "Sorry, but I have just about every class of major allergen here & it is all made on shared equipment. You should eat elsewhere." I almost always have to bite my tongue rather firmly to keep from shouting, "You want to know how I know you are full of shit!?!!" Because so many of them just say, "Well, just do your best, I am sure it will be fine." The ones that actually take me serious and leave are the ones you know have real problems. I usually send them off with a complimentary bottle of allergen & gluten-free homeopathic beer (A.K.A. water)


BowsersBeardedCousin

Actually had a challenge like this back in culinary school, how to adapt a caesar sallad. Extremely difficult, it turns out, since the thing that makes the dish - the dressing - is flavoured with fish and the rest of the dish is basically "what veg you have left" + chicken


Noisy_Toy

Capers instead of anchovies is my sub for vegan/vegetarian friends.


sweetplantveal

Difficult? Olive oil, lemon, salt, black pepper, capers, and a touch of Dijon. Bread is usually vegan and I bet you could get it torn up, canola'd, and toasted in a few minutes start to finish. It's not the *same* but it's tasty, very easy, and half the joints are just using mayo and no anchovies for their czr anyway.


just2quixotic

> half the joints are just using mayo and no anchovies for their czr anyway. What the Fuck is wrong with these people?


sweetplantveal

I know man, I know. But we've got a long tradition here in the United States of desecrating beautiful Mexican foods, so no worries. Just par for the course.


just2quixotic

> we've got a long tradition here in the United States of desecrating beautiful Mexican foods I am from the South West, so believe me, I *know*. (But damn! if some Tex-Mex ain't glorious.) But I also have some favorite little hole-in-the-wall joints run by real Mexican families that serve some Mexican food that I swear must have crack as a secret ingredient they are so addictive. One place near my home has this shrimp burrito that is big enough to serve a family of 3 that you *will* hurt yourself trying to eat just half by yourself. (I have never gotten to eat the second half of my burrito; I swear my wife has burrito radar.) & yes, I have tried labeling the take home container "cream of spinach" and hiding it in the back on the bottom of the fridge behind some unidentified and expired Chinese food.


BowsersBeardedCousin

Easy enough now, not a year into a three year course (Swedish highschool btw). This was however a challenge to keep it as authentic as possible while still catering to certain demands, the vegan one really challenging our ability to think outside the box. I think I ended up baking bread from scratch (the usual one we made was brioche), serving it with breaded tofu, and making the dressing basically original but adding nutritional yeast for some of that parmesan-y kick and worcestershire sauce instead of anchovy. Over 10 years ago so memory is a bit fuzzy ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯


dirtymike401

Worcestershire contains fish.


BowsersBeardedCousin

The name brand, yes, but there are vegan options almost as old as the original


[deleted]

[удалено]


NearlyImpressive

"Breadsticks? What are they made of? Bread?" "Good. Now take away the bread, what's left?" "Sticks?" I burst out laughing in a discord call


WeirdGymnasium

Don't even have to watch the video... It's the "Eggless Omlette" isn't it?


Slappathebassmon

Ok what show is this because I need more! I roared at "you can leave the plate"


Firith

Whites by Alan Davies from 2010. It's bloody brilliant :)


snowysnowy

On a side note... He was an absolute riot on QI and was nigh on uncontrollable when he gets going lol


rxzr

This is exactly why I am excited for the upcoming season of Taskmaster.


ader108

it's called Whites. One super short, but excellent, season. You can stream it on Prime


batsynchero

My greatest sorrow is for the children.


Noladixon

Also the pets. I saw a vegan talking about how her dog was on an all veggie diet.


DelicateIslandFlower

I have a vegan, veterinarian friend who has cats and dogs that are also vegan. She's incredibly pedantic about nutrients and makes it all herself, but still....


anger-coffeebean

I’m vegan and I feed my cats meat because they’re obligate carnivores. 🤦‍♀️


A_Mouse_In_Da_House

Cats require meat. They can't do veggie, and people have been brought up on animal cruelty charges for that. Dogs will do fine. They quite literally evolved to be able to tolerate human foods.


Fragbashers

Just the other day i had a lil ceasar, no ceasar, no crouton, no parm, add cheddar. So just romaine and cheddar


AlmostButNotQuiteTea

Soooo just cheese?


Rhyxnathotho

I had a lady, eating in-house, order a (dressed) garden salad with buttered penne on top. Worst “pasta salad” I could ever imagine. Why would someone eat this?


CanoeShoes

Had someone complain the other day the complaint read: my pasta had no sauce on it and only one meatball, and hardly any pasta. So I took it upon myself to look up their check. They ordered (online ordering): kids spaghetti (no sauce chosen) and a meatball. They got exactly what they ordered and complained. Lol everyday we stray further from the light.


unassumedg

How idiot proof is your website? Seems like an error that was made out of bad ux design...


MDCCCLV

I agree, if you click on spaghetti and don't specify sauce I would expect red sauce by default.


zevoxx

Yeah I would default to red sauce avs have a drop down selection for no sauce.


thatcatiam

It’s a kids pasta. Expectations are different


sdforbda

True but you should have to either select a sauce or no sauce and it won't let you complete the item otherwise.


OrneryPathos

Yea, that’s the correct UI.


andjuan

What? What kind of sauce would you expect on a kid's spaghetti?


SunRonin

Butter


thatcatiam

None


CanoeShoes

I am sure your right I have never gone through and tried to order anything to see myself. No really my area. I do see kids pastas with no sauce selected often. I won't lie to you. When in busy I am not stopping, having my togo person call up these people and ask them what sauce little Billy wants. Billy gets Mari. If fettuccine noodles are selected he gets Alfredo. Any other noodle? Mari. Lol fuck them kids.


unassumedg

Absolutely fair. Def not blaming u lol


X1-Alpha

Sure, but nothing is ever idiot proof. The universe will always invent a better idiot.


Hopeoner513

Im imagining they choose kids pasta because it was cheaper, didnt see the sauce option so they probably left it blank, then clicked meatball cause they thought that made the meatballs happen.


Bluewolf83

I feel your pain. But I also have a 6 year old son. Some of the requests I get from him, just at home, make me gag. But it's what he wants, and at times, all that matters is that he's eating something, anything. The kid will eat raw onions, of any variety, like apples. But he won't eat his grapes without ranch to dip in. I don't know anymore, but I've stopped questioning it too. (For the record, I have not yet tasted grapes dipped in ranch, could be delicious, dunno).


Formaldehyd3

On the other hand, my 4 year old randomly requested pickles on his grilled cheese today... And after trying it, I'm about it. When I was a little kid, I liked canned smoked oysters on plain untoasted sourdough, drizzled with straight Worcestershire.


Hopeoner513

ohhhh I love pickles on grilled cheese. Cheddar, sourdough, pickles, mayonnaise


jeffthefox

Real game changer- sauerkraut or kimchi on grilled cheese. If you're into that sort of thing


Hopeoner513

Oh yeah ill try both but im excited for kimchi i know thatll be good lol


Aevum1

you need the sour to cut through the fat, its perfect.


just2quixotic

Try adding a slice of tomato and a schmear of pesto on the inside of the bread to your cheese melt. Fucking magic!


warbeforepeace

Pesto is also great drizzled on pizza.


OrneryPathos

We’re on day two of peas and banana. Whaaatever Also, all my kids went through a phase of eating the banana peel. One also ate orange peel and watermelon rinds. This one used to eat bark. That was a fun google. As long as they try what they make, and generally eat what they make (hey, I make crap that’s inedible too sometimes) then why would I stop them?


plainOldFool

My local smoothie/salad joint has a wrap sandwich with iceberg, spicy chicken, walnuts, bacon, mozzarella cheese, parmesan peppercorn dressing.... and grapes. It's the only thing I order. Well, I sub in spinach for iceberg but the rest is killer and the grapes do add a balancing sweetness. So maybe there's some logic to grapes and ranch.


sdforbda

I hate ranch [This lady does not](https://www.reddit.com/r/peopleofwalmart/comments/gxdlhb/thirsty_how_about_some_ranch/)


Peterspickledpepper-

I did cheezit with A1 and mixed apple sauce with sprite around that age lol


Ambicarois

I like dipping sharp cheddar in maple syrup.


ghoststoryghoul

You should try a thick slice of sharp cheddar on top of a fig Newton if you haven’t already. It’s some real gourmet shit.


MischaBurns

My daughter decided one day that she wanted goldfish crackers with her soup. I'm skeptical of this, but whatever. Then she dumps the entire bowl of goldfish in her soup so they can swim. It was.....bad. Miso and cheddar goldfish do not belong together, it seems, especially once they're soggy. Might work with chicken soup, though.


OrneryPathos

Or tomato soup.


BoopingBurrito

>For the record, I have not yet tasted grapes dipped in ranch, could be delicious, dunno). It is absolutely delicious, I totally understand your kid on this one!


seize_64

this one girl who sat behind me in my geometry class would eat ketchup by itself. Got the ketchup packets from lunch and ate em like a yogurt tube


WhatIsntByNow

Now THATS a college level struggle meal


sdforbda

That's foul. You ever see the ranch drinking lady? https://www.reddit.com/r/peopleofwalmart/comments/gxdlhb/thirsty_how_about_some_ranch/


slvbros

Ma che cazzo


batsynchero

Grazie. My Italian profanity didn't run much beyond "a facc ro cazz".


slvbros

Oh, there's a whole world of profanity waiting for you my friend


sim0of

Dio porco


danirijeka

Dio canguro in un mondo di soffitti bassi


boneologist

Che cazzo hai appena detto di me, piccola puttana? Vi informo che mi sono diplomato... oh my heart's just not in the game today.


pencilheadedgeek

I put it into google translate and the last thing I'd translated was Danish, but google ran with it and it was pretty tame. Then I hit "detect language" and suddenly a swarthy angry sailor appeared and began gesticulating wildly.


QueerWorf

> Che cazzo hai appena detto di me, piccola puttana? Vi informo che mi What the fuck did you just say about me, you little bitch? I inform you that I I'm graduate


danirijeka

Che cazzo hai detto di me, puttanella? Ti dico una cosa, mi sono laureato tra i primi nella Marina Militare Italiana, è ho concluso con successo molte missioni segrete contro le brigate rosse, i neo-fascisti e la Mafia; ho più di 300 uccisioni confermate. Mi sono graduato come esperto di Guerriglia e sono il miglior cecchino in tutte le forze armate Italiane. Tu non sei niente per me, se non un altro bersaglio. Ti distruggerò con una precisione mai vista prima in questa terra, credimi. Pensi che tu possa parlare di me in questa maniera su internet? Pensaci di nuovo, stronzo. In questo momento sto contattando la mia rete segreta Statunitense e ti stanno tracciando l'indirizzo IP -- preparati per la tempesta, verme. La tempesta che finirá quella stupida piccola cosa che chiami "vita". Sei morto, ragazzino. Io potrei essere in qualsiasi luogo, in qualsiasi tempo, e posso ucciderti in più di settecento modi, e questo solamente con le mie mani. Non solo sono stato istruito in combattimento a mani nude, ho anche accesso all' intero arsenale delle Forze Armate Italiane e lo utilizzerò completamente per cancellare la tua miserabile esistenza da questo mondo, stronzetto. Se avessi saputo che inferno si sarebbe scatenato contro di te dopo quel tuo commento "comico", forse non l'avresti detto. Ma lo hai fatto, ed adesso ne pagherai le conseguenze, fottuto idiota. Farò piovere merda su di te e ci annegherai. Sei fottutamente morto, bambinetto.


CHODE_ENTHUSIAST

There’s ketchup on his sweater already, kids spaghetti


lastinglovehandles

Add some hotdogs and cheddar cheese and you got Filipino spaghetti.


batsynchero

That I could respect. These 6% tippers I cannot.


aspirinrestauranteur

I’ve been a waiter at a very popular seafood restaurant that Filipinos love. The standard Filipino tip is $5 or 5%, whichever is less.


adube440

Real question here- has anyone ever had banana ketchup before?


SixBuffalo

Many times. It's perfect with lumpia. I've had pizza with banana sauce, too. Kinda sweet but not horrible.


argon1028

Getting some Doug flashbacks.


Binary_Sunrise

Ever since the 90s I've had a desire to dunk a banana in tomato sauce, because of *Doug*. It's like my brain just assumes it would taste good, but I've still never actually done it.


BigAbbott

It's great


missb00

My grown ass sister makes spaghetti "bolognese" with noodles, ground beef, and ketchup. She's dead to me.


chewbachaa

We have the same screens


xmrtypants

Toast POS. I no longer use it but I know them all.


CanoeShoes

We just changed to Toast and I like it a lot. One of my line cooks does not and I told him today. "The screen is only as smart as the person reading it.". I don't think he got it, didn't expect him too.


Ongr

He got a roast instead of a toast lol


xmrtypants

Toast is my favorite so far. I'm also familiar with revention, speedline, aloha, and a couple different versions of paper & pen. I think there's another one, but I wasn't there for too long.


BeardedZorro

It’s the no fruit extra fries for me.


X1-Alpha

I mean, it's for a little kid. Is this really so "out there" compared to some of the shit supposedly functioning adults order? The whole sketti thing had me considerably more upset.


feddi7

Not as bad as getting asked to cook a steak in a microwave.


fiendhunter69

Used to have a guy come into my restaurant and request this. He wanted his steak grilled just long enough to put some grill marks on it, then wanted it cooked the rest of the way in the microwave.


feddi7

Yeah the request was for it to be cooked more on the inside than the outside which is virtually impossible. I refused to cook it in all honestly, ruined a perfectly good cut of meat. It’s like people who wanted a warm salad tossed in hot sauce. I can’t stand people that think restaurants are there for you to build your own menu and eat whatever you want.


painsomniac

God NO NO NO. My cousin was *obsessed* with ketchup as a sprout. He’d squeeze on the stuff until it was just ketchup cum (the watery dregs). I can still smell it and I’m disgusted. Godspeed, good soul


bigiftrues

This would really irk me too, but I saw a video recently from an autistic person and apparently sometimes it’s texture problems. I felt for them when they seemed genuinely upset at not being able to eat “normally” so maybe the food abomination is made better from knowing that it’s somewhat involuntary OP idk


[deleted]

[удалено]


chiefbearshaker

felony


crtjer

I can’t explain that spaghetti but as someone with kids that chicken strips with extra fries is def going to be eaten by me half way through when they ditch it.


cbr_001

This looks like something my wife would order, for herself.


Toyouke

When I was in college I had a roommate who would cook egg noodles in the microwave, drain them in the bathroom (because dorm life), then top them with sliced American cheese. Back in the microwave to melt and then finish the dish off with ketchup. This was a 21 year old.


tecmobowlchamp

Apparently there's a famous pasta dish with ketchup. I was watching Samurai Gourmet and the main character goes to a cafe and orders a spaghetti dish that's just pasta, bell pepper( I think) and maybe pancetta with ketchup as the sauce.


FlattopJr

"Naporitan", a.k.a. Napolitan. I've made it and totally enjoyed it. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naporitan


squish_dawg

I know this won't make you feel better, but I picked up a Door Dash order from Steak N Shake that included a large Hi-C Fruit Punch with chocolate syrup added. The manager made it and treated the cup like it was toxic waste. It think a piece of him died making that drink.


cancerdancer

its a kid bro. dont let a kid break you.


denisebuttrey

LOL!


Tealllane

Lol I haven't gotten this one yet, but I remember seeing it on that reality show Honey Boo Boo like 10 years ago.


NorthernAphid

We used to get these regulars who would order grilled cheese for their kid. They would always order 2 with the crusts cut off and they had to be cut into triangles.


backandforthagain

That's when you just scream "No!" and hope they can hear you at the table


sokko78

My guests pay my salary. I’ll cook them whatever they want. Including the kids.


me50e

You don't get in trouble for cooking kids?


hamiestofcheeses

I once had to make a roast chicken. For a dog...


OrneryPathos

Made a whole roast turkey for a cat. No spices, no salt. Nothing. Owner didn’t “know how” to cook, didn’t trust the cat sitter. I do not know who normally cooked for the cat but clearly someone did. The whole thing was bizarre.


callmeswashbuckler

I worked in a diner once that had a regular who would always request a smaller, miniature cheese omelette for her ugly ass Chihuahua dog in the middle of breakfast rush. Is it a big deal? No Is it stupid as hell? Yes


feddi7

Ketchup on Spaghetti should be considered a hate crime.


ypvha

they want fuckin ketchup on the spaghetti instead of delicious sauce?!


Jakeandellwood

I’m horrified to say this is standard in Sweden. First time I saw the happen I could hear my born outside of Naples grandmother spinning in her grave. 16 years of living here and I’m still shocked.


gravyisgoodonevrythg

I would add a little ketchup to my mom’s carbonara as a little kid. Mostly I remember it was because it was too salty for me, but once I found out it grossed out my mom I would do it on purpose just to gross her out.


XirallicBolts

I got in trouble once working at Fazoli's ("fast food Italian"). A lady ordered fettucine with just melted butter for her kid and I muttered "gross" under my breath. She somehow heard me. Now don't get me wrong, I love buttered noodles, and I certainly understand children are picky eaters.... but that's not butter we're melting. It's water, garlic, salt, and butter-flavored soybean oil. It's closer to melted margarine than melted butter.


wormholeweapons

My son loves ketchup on pasta and so do I every so often. It’s total poor mans thing (my depression era grandmother served that often). If this is the thing that breaks you. I mean it’s pretty low hanging fruit given it was for a kid.


Fxckbuckets

#GODDAMNIT! I almost threw my phone, no lie >_<


imartimus

Everyday we stray further from God's light.