WHO IS HERE?!
By - SonicCody12
Who are you and who gave you access to the multiversal discord server?
???: I am Night Hawk of the Squadron Supreme
Nighthawk? What like the microwaveable dinners?
Web Head: *trying not to laugh* Awesome
Night Hawk: I am the hero that America needs
Ah, so you’re a Batman ripoff. Do you have a teenage sidekick too? I guess he’d have the bat theme since you got the bird one.
Web Head: Actaully. The person who is partner right now is called the Eagle because Falcon was taken
So what you’re saying is, the Squadron Supreme is full of a bunch of bird brains.
Web Head: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! GOOD ONE!
Night Hawk: HOW DARE YOU
Web Head: Whoops gotta go
Kono Dio Da!
Web Head: WHEN DID YOU BECAME A JUMPER?!
???: What’s is going on who is on this frequency
Web Head: uhhh *cuts Transmission*
…Okay, have you tried using a rolled newspaper, or aerosol can lighter combo? Usually works for me when killing spiders.
#F̶̵̵̢̧̧̡̡̨̛̲̹̹̪̮̬̮̪̞̤̰͈̦͎̙̺̖͍̰̻̬͖̯̜͍̟̮̺̘̰͇͎͈̲̝̙̰̦̟͖̥̠̯̭̥͎̰͐͆̇̐́̋̊̋̏̈͂̐̀̌̈́̈́̐̒̍̈́͆̀̃́͛̐̓̏́̊̈́̈̎̓̋̊̋͊͒́̏̂͗̚̚̕͜͜͝͝͠ͅͅă̷̸̷̡̡̛̩̠̖̫͕̹͕̖͙͎̗̳̦̭͖̲̩̯̠̣͉͉̫͚̬̙͋́̊͊̋̅̓̈́̓̌̿͐̌̓̂͐̈́̋͒͆̎́̉̈́͑̌̅̆͛̀̓̕̚͜͜ͅͅh̶̸̷̘̘̜̬̹̭̪̥̭̺̹̰̝̻͙͉̖̗̘̳͇̠̤̱̻̤͚̦̦͖̮̼̞͕͙̱̱͈͇̗̠͉̺͙͖̭̱͍̀̓̈́̿́̓͗̈͐̓̾̀̈́̾̆̑͗̍̒̌̅̋̇͒̈́̔͆̾̒̃̑͠͠͠ͅf̵̵̸̡̝͚̗̤̰̪̦̘͎͈̱̣̹̗̼̭͇͖̣̳̝̝͉̻̟̠̰̟̪̣͙͍̼͍͉͙̠̜̄̾͗͂̈́̏̈́̓̇͆̓̎̓͊̑͌̇̆͗͋͌̄͊̇͂̏̏̀̔̉̌̌̓͌̈́̌́̃̓́̒̋̈́̓͛̚͘̕͘̚͜͠͝͠͝͝ͅͅf̵̵̴̢̛̛̥̗͈̦̬͉̬̼͕͚̬͙̹̣̥͓͎̘̭̠͛͛̐̌̃̔̋̀̽́́͂̇͌́̽̃̎̎͆̈́̇́̃̔̈̔̇̃̓̄́́́͋̈́͘̚͘͘͝͠͝ͅ ̸̵̸̧̨̢̢̞̦̱̦̭̞͕̣̖̺̫̼̯͇̥̯̘̼̜͉̻͖̙̠͇̹̘͖̖̮͇͍̺̫̗̜͕̪̱͉̙̜̙͉̬̀͊͒̋̅̾̆͌͐̅̓͑̔̐̈́͌̃̂̍́̀̾̀͆̀́́́̄́̊̉̃̒̈́̀̚͘͘̕̕͘͜͠͝ͅͅã̸̶̸̡̡̡̧̢̢̯͙͙̣̙͙̙͖̺̰͎̺͈͍̩͔̱̠̜̯͔͎̬͔̲̹̀̿́̓͛͗͊͋̾͂͐̀̾̈́̎͛͜ͅͅh̶̵̷̢̨̛̤͎͇͕̬̜̩̼̼͗̈́̓̄͊̓̈́̀͆͋̀̒̇̉̌̒͌̎̎̊̑̄̈́͂̀̾̎̋̄̾̈͗̏́̍̇͂̌̕̚̚f̷̵̵̨̧̨̛̛̖͖̖̺̮͙͚͇͇̦̖͇̲̱͓̪̲̣̣͔̟̱̤̲̖̱͔̪̘͖͎͍͕̥̟͍̻̝͚̳̜̫̘̙̈́͂̂̌̌̿̈̓̾̋̇͒͊͂͗̾̈́͗̈͒͒͆̆́̋̓̆̀͛̉̈́̋͂̾̋́͘̕͜͜͝ͅͅ'̶̵̵̢̢̡̢̢̨̛̛̛̱̜̻͍͚̼̙̰͚̪͚̱̹͖͈̰̳̙͙̲̳̫͎͈͚̘̝͎̘̳̳̲͙̟͎̳̗̝̺̗̳̀̿́͑́̒́̍͒͂͋͋̅̑̌̊̅͗͌͒̒͐͊̎̾͐̐̿̇́͊͘̚͘̕͜ͅ ̸̴̶̢̛̻̮̟̠̘̣̯̭͓̳̰̆́̋͛͗̈̿̔̈́̌̈́̈́̅̂͑͆̀͒̔̔̐̄͑͐̌͘͘͘͘b̵̴̷̡̛̛̠͙͓̣͇̩̺̱̳̝̬̟͔͈̦͇́̂̒̈́͋̂̐̉͑̐̄̍͐̀͛̏̉̊͑̀̓͐̽͋̒̓̾̑̕͘͘̚̚͠͠ư̷̸̸̡̖͍̟̩̪̺̦̰͍̪͚̻͕̮͎̜͓̫̪̦̭̠̠͓̳̯̖̪̩̍̑̔̔̋̈́́̾̌́̽̓̅̓̄̉̆̉̇͗̈́̈́̏̑̏̒̆̏̀̓̽͌̌̎̓͛̔͘͜ͅģ̸̴̸̨̧̡̺̥͇̭̬̘̦̭͈̜̰̞͓̥̥̣͔̭͖̹͕̞̂̓̀̈́̌́̑̏̇͊͂̊̉̑͌̿̏̌́̆̍̔̍̎̐̒͌̅̂̊̃͛́̓̂͑̿̃͐̒́́̚̕̕͝͝͝͝͠ͅņ̷̵̴̢̛͍̩͚͔̠̰̯̘̭̫͉͖̰̠̹̦͚̬̤̙̓̔̈́̅̅̍̍̈̈́̽̔̌̊́̈̊̀̐̓́̃̉̐̈́̈́̆̌̏̔͊͂̀̾̌̋̿̾̏̑͐͘͘͘̚͘̚͜͝͝a̵̶̸̧̢̢̧̗̩̼̻̯͉̠̳̩̭̙̦̠͍̝̲̲͕̙͚̮͇̲͕̱͓̬͉̮̥̰̓́̈́̈̌̇̒̅͌͛̌̓͊͌̈́͜͠͠ͅh̵̶̵̨̛̜̙̜̖̞̤̹͇̝̘͕̬͉̪̥͚̟̹̼̜̻͕̯̣̪̖̠̳̮̻̞͉̜̗̹̀͂́͌̈́̋̆̈́́̏͒̆͐́̏̕͘͜͠ ̴̵̸̨̧̛̖͔͙͎̠̪̹͉͍̮̲̮̼̼̞͙̖̟̰̠̫͙̯̦͕̲̥̈́̓̍͗̿̐̌̒̐̔̀̌́̀͗̈́̓̓̐̓̀͋̃̈́̀͒̈́̐̑̑̒̈́̃̕̚͘̚͘͜͝͝ş̶̵̸̧̨̨̨̗̩͍͈̞̺̺͖͔̤͍͕̥̻̯͙͚͉̙̼̝͖̤̳̼͙̎͐̏̏͆̊̈́̽͒̿̎̽̀̋̽̋̓̎̈́̽̒͌̒̈͗̅̈́́̿̈́̋͗̔̎̎̋͑̌͐̍̕̕̚͜͠͠͝͠͝ͅḩ̷̷̵̛̝͉̹̳͚̹̲͇͙̠̹̣̙̟̭̤̰͛̊͐̎͐̋̐̓͑̓͂͒͋̽̽͑͌̎̀̓̂͂̓̐̈́̈́̿͗̈́̾͂͂̂̿͐̈͂͂̽͘̚̕͝ư̵̵̸̡̨̧̝͔̣̦̻͕͍̣͇͕̺͚̗͙͈̳̼̲͓͎̹̱̠̤̤͉͔͕̙̞̠̹͔͈̺͈̱͍͓͋̈́͆̌̾̄̈̄̈́̌͌̇͗̆̒̃͂́̋̈́̊̀̂̌̍͛̀͘͝ͅͅg̴̷̵̨̡̢̡̨̨̛̛̤͓̣͍̬̭̼̜̩͍͓̹͉̟̟̠̙̗͕̘͕̝̻̹̃̋̐͛͗̃́̏̀̿̌̿͑̐̈́̇̀̐͑̍̚͜͠g̶̶̴̢̧̨̛̛̛̫̙̤̣͓̲̩͔̰̟͇͙̮̟̻͓̲̻̙̰̗͎̬͎̝̬̻̥͕̱̺̙͚̣̠̱̭͓̙̈́̎̏̿͒̉͗̏̂̈́́́̒̏̌́͌̔̏̽̈́̾̈̓͘̚͝o̷̵̸̧̡̜̗̟̖̦̗͉̟̫̳̖͕͚̠͉̭̱͚͚̤̺͓̖̱̖̼̱̱̭̼͍͇̦̗̊̀́̈́̍̈́̒͐͋̂̈́͋̍͛̋̽̓̎̈́͌̕͘͜͜͜͝g̵̴̷̢̨̡̨̢̛̼͍͓͙̮͔͙͙͚̮̩͔̠͇̞͕̻̗͍̠̤̰̹̋̎̀̍͌̍̌̀̈́͗̍͛̓̉́͘͘̚͜͠ͅǧ̷̸̴̨̢̢̧̧͇͙̣͕̥̮̱̼̼̪̹̖̘̥̭̤͚̲͕͔͓͔͈̗̥̬̻̙̬̝̠̟̣̳̠̻̏̿́́́̒͗̾̓̃͐̐͊͒͘͘͝ͅͅ
You’re really going to need your Zalgo Translator, and your R’Lyehian Translator, in that order, for you to work out that we are **Those whosoever walk worlds**.
I’m kind of surprised that you’re here at all and you don’t know that; but not really. Ơ̵̧̡̙̗̫͕̫̻̹͙̖͕̩͉̩̙̪̰̞̿̈̇̿̈̒̓̐̿͑̄̉́̂̈́̒̆͛̈́̋͐͘͘͜͜͠r̷̨̢̧̨̨̛̖͎͍͎̈́̐͌͌̊͂̔͊̋̅̅̕̚r̴͉͖̯͇̖̻̰̞̬̹͉̣͎̭͇̰͇̗͇̤͔̝͔̙̔̽͌̄̕'̶̧̧̨̧͎͈̺̯̺͎̘͚̹̯͎͕͔̣͔̳̗̰̆̏̈́̀̌̅̽͒̇̈́͆͆̊̓͘͠e̵̢̧̡̨̧̱̝̻̤̱͔̻̘̝̫̳̗͙͚̙̤̺̣͇̅̔́͆͆̌̂n̶̢̛̛̛̛̫͓̝̣͎͔̞̱̪̉̈́̄̀̔́̍̿͋͛̈̄̉́͑͆̈͆̉͒̕̚͜a̷̢̡̧̢̙͇͕͔͎̩̺̭̟̭͈͇̮͉̳̞͚̻̠͈͊͒̋͌̈̈́͋͊̿̀͂̿̆̅͛̾̄͊͜͠͝͠ͅh̵̨̨̡̖̟̯̼̘̗͔̫̰͍͈͚̳͔̦͎̩͇͕̯̰͕̎͜͜͜ḧ̸̨͚̹̳͈̩͔̪̫̙͖̱̯͕͎̠͇̼̠̻̣́̐̉̌̕̚͜͠ like you make your way here from time to time, hitching a ride. Who did you arrive with? What— Spider Man? You don’t know how out of your league you are, do you? You really *are* lost.
Perhaps simply a vacation J̶̨̢̛̻̤̠̹̻͚͈͖͑̀͌͑̄͐͑̒̆̃̂̋̔̍̽̄͝͠͝͝ų̵̨͍̥͚̼̘͖͙̝͎̱̗̓͌̍̽̒̈́̈́͊m̴̡̥͓͉̹̜̘̦̜̗̻͖͉͙̻̼̓̈̀̉̓̈̊̚͜͝͝͠p̵̨̛͉͒͗́̍̅̀̌͘͠ would do? We’ll get you home eventually, you might as well have some fun while you’re here. How does [T̸̡͔̋͑ĥ̵͓e̵̦͆ ̵̰͗̈͜C̷̻̄́ŭ̵͇͈l̶̜̩͋͛t̶̨͕̉u̷̠̽r̸̯̋e̸̺̦̓](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1_mucOf-cgxwSxFR2xJ1FrXaQ9u_J1Inh/view?usp=drivesdk) sound? You don’t know? *Relax*, it’ll be fun! And you’ll be back in time for supper, I *promise*.
Queen of Heroes: No idea what spider you're talking about, or how I'm able to answer here, my Generic First Jump PC, last I checked, is in read-only mode but oh well. Me and my companions are currently still stuck going through the Fate Legends series of jumps and unless I forgot meeting Arachne back in Empires of Antiquity two jumps back, I had little to nothing to do with spiders so far.
Enkidu: Maybe that Demon King Hanice was dealing with alongside Rama counts? Though he wasn't our problem, nor did Hanice help him so...
QoH: Yeah I doubt it, or maybe they're counting Squatter Goddesses like Ishtar? I mean, she did sneak into the Hub while we weren't looking during Nirvana Yuga, like a spider. Still can't believe she doesn't understand the words "Drugging me to turn me male, fertile at a body age of 4 and then raping me turns me the fuck off".
Enkidu: That's gods for you, at least she is mellowed down compared to what you told me about her original counterpart.
QoH: Good Point. Oh, also, OP? Don't mess with me, I have an Ea and I'm not afraid to use it, or the rest of my arsenal if you come over here, I've killed a god and beat the entire Aztec pantheon in an afternoon, with Lucha Libre. Don't mess with the woman who took the role of Gilgamesh and improved on it.
Web Head: He’s Night Hawk one of the Squadron Supreme. I don’t know how he gained access to this site but please don’t tell him anything!
Night Hawk: What are you people hiding?!
QoH: Ah, I can tell who is meant with Web Head now, no idea about the "Squadron Supreme" or "Night Hawk" though, not a big fan of that universe. Anyway, Night Hawk, I won't give you details but I'll say this: I am the ancient ruler of Uruk, the 2/3rd Demigod child of the Summerian gods. The being meant to be a Lynchpin holding humanity to the will of the gods. In the legend you may know I and Enkidu were the slayers of Gugulanna the Bull of Heaven, in my timeline I was the slayer of Kingaludda, the Evil God of Sumeria. Bane of Israel as Conqueror from the Grecian Empire, the parent of Hanice, companion of Rama and Buddha in my own right, and Supreme Goddess of the American Free Federation as of 10 CE in the latest forray into the reality I now inhabit. I hold domain over all of Central and North America right now, have a fleet powerful enough to eviscerate the Spanish and British Armadas put together, and hold complete divine Authority over the Sol System. So yeah, if I was in fact an ally of Web Head, well I doubt you would put up a fight against my daughter, who is far weaker than myself due to the process by which we gain more and more power.
Enkidu: In Short: Pray to that God of Christianity that Gilgamesh+ over here doesn't come a knocking.
QoH: Oh come on, that's nowhere near as cool a Badass Boast as mine.
Hanice: Dad you're literally monologing to thin air, Mister Leif Ericson is staring at you.
QoH: Well damn, I have to go now, negotiations with the Viking expedition visiting our Northern coast and all that. Tata.
You're super right, I'm with The Spider and I'm here to steal your penis
WE are the Council, serving under our LORDS up the Seventh Heaven. The spider was nothing more than a pawn, a tool we used to unlock the gates of the deepest abyss.
???: Council? How many allies does that Web Head have?!
Does it really matter? We have achieved our goal, now, the material plane will wither.
OAA: Not it shall not you have failed
???: WHO WAS THAT?!
WE have failed??? Impossible! Oh... well, anyways, who wants to go to the beach?
???: Not in- *transmission cut*
OAA: Enjoy yourselves
~~I can't belive I'm saying this but no one ever asked us who we are. Mobius, come up with a good name for our band.~~
Space Guy: How did you guys get here? Back to entertaining me Sordahon.
What about 'Villains of SCIENCE'?
I do not know what spider are you talking about because we fucking hate spiders but call us Villains of SCIENCE!
We are also not helping any spiders, well not sure how Princess feels about it since is is closest to that kind of thing, being a xenomorph queen and all.
Nah, xenomorphs are fine, spiders are not. Do not put me together with them in same sentence if you could.
What about Xenomorph-Robo-Spiders? I can make some if you guys want.
Focus on getting that Resonance Barrier Mk4 Mobius, we ain't gotta time, even with our time machine.
Yeah op, if you want we can go back in time and seek that spider, you are the one touching it though.
Squiggly eldritch god noises.
Ogdru Jahad, how cute.
Help me in that case, can't have one genius such as myself working on it.
Leave spiders out of it and we can make a robo dragon. Maybe op needs a dragon.
Princess, do you want to know spider fact 101?
No, actually don't talk about spiders like... ever. Ew.
Sad Curie noises.
Hey! I have eaten a mutant spider before I joined you guys. Food is scarce in Boston, for real.
I know our group is pretty scientific but... we use robots, and monsters as our minions. I vote for Monster Legionnaires.
Change that to Monster Garden and I agree.
I vote for Gardeners of Men, none listens to me though.
We aren't ones though? Could call ourselves Gardeners of Zombies.
I think we had enough zombies in Left4Dead world to not mention them again?
Only because Democrating Republic of New World Order was annoying us.
That's what we get for making refugee shelter in exotic islands full of snakes and whatever else.
In my defense, it was closest to our own personal island.
Cleaning world out of zombies was fun though?
My pick is Mutant Foragers or maybe Scavengers of Worlds.
I like 2nd one, we do loot things.
Now that you mention it. That Hamunaptra treasure should belong to me. It was kind of my piramid tbf.
Lol, good luck getting into my vault.
???:Mobius?! Blasted kid, who are these people?! You should have just taken what you were given!!
Hah! Mobius, this guy called you a kid!
Release the Giant Robo-Scorpion Sordahon!
Uh.. it's under maintenance now, what about Liberty Prime Mk2 though?
Good enough, we shall bring democracy in whatever place this... this someone is at right now! Science be with us!
Web Head: Whoa Hey!!!! Cool it!!! What is- oh hi Night Hawk.
I do not understand this reference, this means we shall deploy eye bots for recon.
Beep, boop, beeop, booop, beep.
Yeah, leave the laser powered down, will you?
This guy obviously means hawks that fly by night... right?
Dark God search the net to figure this stuff out, will you?
I only use my powers for the sake of shitposting.
Liberty Prime Activated, routing power to democracy subroutines.
If you want I can send my xenomorphs to do the deed Mobius.
Getting them with alien weapons is not what I want. I want lasers!
What about xenomorphs with lasers? Or that shoulder mounted plasma cannon you guys made?
Maaaybe? This is an interesting idea that I'm willing to consider in the future.
Mobius, hey! Why not make robo xenomorphs with lasers?
Ereus Odinson, waking up and emerging his dragon body from the bottomless gold coin sea he was sleeping into :Uh ? Which spider ? I don't remember helping a spider ? and who are you exactly ?
???: Ah right Spider-Man. I am Night Hawk
Ereus : Oh, THAT spider, alright little one the kid asked me nicely for help instead of screaming into my lair so i helped him.
Is advice considered helping? Because I don't consider anything less than genocide help; if it's less valuable than genocide I merely consider it polite.
???: Yes advice is help
In that case My name is Elliott a cultivator of the 12 rainbow steps it is a displeasure to meet You.
Oi, you're too damn loud. Tone it down would ya?
*Is panting, full of small cuts, blood and bruises...* I won... Fuck... * There's an unconscious massive guy on muay thay clothes with similar injuries...* I really did it... Damm... I thought I was gonna die... Fuck... *pants some more as he lies on the ground...*
*Hears you and starts looking around confused... He sees you and looks even more confused* Spider??? What? *says while catching his breath... you see how the cuts are very slowly closing, at this rate he'll be fine on some minutes* I... have no... * Takes air* Idea... Fuck... *Stands up* Where are we??? Where did he send me this time..?
There are things a mere Jumper shouldn't know ~~and I don't remember helping any spider.~~
???: There it is. That term. what is a jumper and how did Spider-Man become one?
?????: Well, well, well, I see that you probably managed to get access to our server accidentally, considering that you not even know what a Jumper is. I know little about that Web Head, so I don't know if he managed to gain the status of a Jumper, or better saying, of a dimensional traveler whose power is backed by a multiversal entity usually called their Benefactor. I'm already needing to help other of my fellow travelers in their Jumps just because of a old deal I made with my own Benefactor, so I don't have many time to waste with a mortal like you.
I am here. Hello. What can I help you with?
???: How did Spider-Man get A hold of you people? How did he become this Jumper?
That is a question. I’ll need to check archives, but most of us, Jumpers, gain our status from Benefactors, beings of unimaginable power.
The Spider? Another one of those vigilante types is out here? Damn. I had to suppress the last few of those who kept going to far. They rarely listen to logic. Only what they feel is right. Too volatile for me.
However, do not think that I'll help you for no reason with this spider. Why would he be an issue so bad as you are presenting him as? Even as one of us, his personality and motives are fairly linear.
Either way, not being a jumper and being on here is rather... Rare. Do enjoy your stay...
Sir I’m just the pizza guy
Sonic Cody12: That's for me! Pepperoni. I have no idea who this guy is
???: DON'T IGNORE ME!!!
Pardon me good sir; is the spider which you reference perhaps also known as the Ultimate One of Mercury?
???: No I am referring to Spider-Man.
Okay then your planet isn't doomed. Well anymore than a world in those superhero universes are normally at any rate.
Sigurd looms forward into the view of the webcam. Dressed in a dark [grey sack](https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/disney/images/3/32/Profile_-_Oogie_Boogie.jpeg/revision/latest?cb=20190316150001) from head to toe, shadows shifting behind him in a flow of darkness to paint the moon with the shape of a spider. "I **am** the Spider King!" He declares, a mouth full of spiders deluging from his mouth, and then more of them swarming out until the sack falls to the ground and the spiders reform into the shape of a single giant spider, one great arachnid eye staring into the camera. "That is the King of Halloween at your service. So what's up?"
???: What do you know of Spider-Man and his current Situation
Web Head: \*In whispering Scream\* Don't tell him anything!
Sigurd... knew absolutely nothing not learned from tv shows or comic books read/watched (subjectively) 90+ years ago. So the king of halloween looked into the camera with one great arachnoid eye, mouth opening - a spider crawling out and onto the webcam - and then closing as he hmmed with thought.
"Wait the Spider is Spider-Man? Tell me do you consider yourself a Supervillain or are you just a Supervillain? Because you realize that once you start chasing down Spider-Man you've officially become a supervillain. I mean I know it can be hard sometimes to tell when you've crossed into Supervillain territory, but from what I remember 'fighting Spider-Man' is the best telltale sign in Marvel."
???: Villain? I am Night Hawk! One of the Squadron Sumpreme! Earth's Greatest Heroes and we made his reality better! And now he seeks to undo what we have done!!!!!
The spider head tilted a bit, a few black widows crawling out and over its eyes to simulate a blink. "Squadron Supreme... Squadron supreme... The dumb ass Justice League expies! Seriously, dude, you're the villain. And wait... made **his** reality better? Not yours. You're invading realities now? Seriously, you need to go home and rethink your life. I mean little hypocritical since I'm planning how to invade Christmas, but when you're fighting Spider-Man you should stop and consider that you are **not** the good guy and whether you're alright with that."
Web Head: EXACTLY!!! Whoops!
Night Hawk: YOU!
Web Head: Sigh jig is up. \*towards Spider King\* By the way nice motif really digging the looks! But yeah I did become a jumper and recently I have been doing my super hero thing and its kind of making his team look bad. but seeing he merged other realities with mine after changing my reality. I think this is Karma!
Night Hawk: You could have taken what you were given!
Web Head: And whats that? A life of fear, without my original friends. having to put my faith in bunch of irresponsible heroes!? Oh and uh Spider King. Due to his teams warping of my reality, the REAL Justice League is in my reality too. Nice guys and uh asking for a friend could you possibly ask Santa to give coal to the Squadron or rather could you give coal to the Squadron
Sigurd's spider eyes go wide... well they don't actually have muscles to do that... but they try to before the fan squee comes: "SPIDER-MAN!"
Then he calms himself a little. "The Justice League aren't half bad, least not the version I met. Superman was awesome. But wait... if the real League is there why haven't they wiped the floor with the Squadron? They're all like really lame offbrands, is their Blur dude even Quicksilver fast? And only Hyperion I know of that could match Superman for a second was the awesome one who wasn't part of the Squadron but an Avenger for... Look I haven't read comics in decades."
\*aside to someone off camera\* "It's spider-man. Spider-Man!"
\*back to the camera\* "I don't think I can choose which normal reality Halloween is attached to. So I think you'd have to ask your native Santa. But if I see them I'll give them coal and stockings full of spiders."
That was a year ago. Trust me, I want nothing more than to kill Spider and banish his presence from the shore forever.
Web Head: Whoa. Whoa! Why the hostility? What did I ever do to you?
Wrong spider. He's an alien with four arms who scams everyone and has had me in his "debt" for several years despite paying him off. Several times.He also seriously hurt one of my friends.
Web Head: Oh.
Sorry about that. He's kinda like Kingpin, actually. If you want to help me, that'd be nice. Just be aware he's near Saturn.
* Navajo, in interphon voice but smiling a bit too much behind the mic :
"hello, this is MVReddit customer service. It seems your local matrioshka singularity has dysfunctioned and connected you here through too many dimensions. Please remain calm and describe your situation further. Also, please provide a better description of your suspected culprit than the generic word "spider".
* J!Gaster, sighing after mic's cut : " Why do you have to make my job worse... "
???: Spider-Man. Spider is my code word for Spider-Man. I am Night Hawk. And I am trying to find out what Spider-Man has been up to. He has been talking to someone through this.
Navajo : "after a first evaluation, we have found neither a user fitting you description (alter-ego research included), nor how you might have end up in your current situation. Please stand by while one of our employee head to your general area for further investigation "
J!Gaster, slightly annoyed : "You're done prank calling with my labtech ?"
"Hey, we're contractually forced not to inervene directly this, and I know it frustrates you as well. If we're reduced to stalling and buying time for the webhead, might as well make it enjoyable "
(You know what, feel free to concider the mic was still on after the first part if you want, it'll be funny either way.)
Web Head: Hehe
???: *is unaware that Spider-Man is listening* How long will this take?
*imitates end call bips
...*sips coffee with two packets of coco mixed in* "My name is gaster boyo, and just who the bloody hell do you think you are, interrupting my experiments? You better have a good excuse, or else you'll be my next test subject. I can always use some more souls."
Name: Michael Grigori
Age: 577 STANDARD YEARS
Web Head: *in a whispered voice* Dang you are old
???: why is your job hidden
Afraid is in a language no mortal mind can comprehend, just think of me as someone who's job is to take care of the balance of... reality!
Web Head: Dang...sounds you like you need a vacation
???: How is that possible
Don't worry i already am on one!
Who are *you*? 'Pigeonman'? 'The Feathered Menace'? (no wait, that's Seagulls) Hmmm.... Oh! Wait, I know! 'The Bird Brain'!
I AM HERE!