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djudy40

Fake pee... Called urnluck. You can pick it up at most smoke shops. Works every time. Place it in the pocket in your underwear. It has a glove warmer to keep it warm. Good luck


The_Lord_Humongous

You guys have pockets in your underwear?


djudy40

Boxer briefs have the home in the front - this usually has a small pocket built in.


COCOBUTTAH

Can 100% vouch for this. Fake pee (I use Quick Fix) works every time as long as the temperature is right. It has a temperature gauge on the side of the bottle. If you want to be extra careful, buy stash underwear and put it in there. It's worked for me (and two coworkers also made to take a test due to some snitch ass) as recently as three months ago. As long as they don't watch you piss, which pre employment tests almost never do, it's 100% effective. I believe the labs use it to calibrate their testing machines.


dave1684

I always heard the company that makes the fake urine also designs the tests. So they know exactly how to beat the test.


Admirable_Eye_500

I’ve been using quickfix on and off for 12 years. They banned it in my state like 10 years ago but you can order it online. Heat it up in the micro wave for the amount of time it says, and if it’s not hot enough heat it for a couple of secs. Cool thing about quick fix is you can always cool the temp down if it’s to hot. Like everybody else says, use boxer briefs that has a pocket and put it in a sock or something so you won’t burn your balls with the heat packet.


MotchGoffels

Can use something called a plastic flask, off amazon, in the underwear pouch, heated by a small handwarmer.


skyward138skr

Fake pee usually comes in a plastic flask actually, and has a little squirt tip so if they listen it sounds like pee.


beaux95

second this


leafny

Also quick fix. It is usually $11. Just follow the instructions exactly. I usually show up with biker shorts with it near my crouch to keep warm and wear sweats over. Good luck!


Blurplenapkin

Half my coworkers use this and pass just fine everytime.


[deleted]

What underwear pocket?


LivingLikeBender

Men's Ultra-Soft Boxer Briefs w/ Secret Pocket Comfort & Function iHeartRaves https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B079J6BTFT/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_Y0048E3E7TY7Z7MG95MB


echolalia127

Can confirm this works 100% BUT the last time I went it seems they upped the required amount and the bottle didn't provide enough to fill to the line. Not a problem though, it's enough to dilute your real sample.


bcheese15

Don't listen to these people saying you'll pass in a few days.... That's not at all how weed works that shit will not leave your system, look into using someone else's urine or buy synthetic urine, make sure it's the right temperature when you go in.


Dismal_Egg_6851

Lol don’t worry, I’ve smoked long enough to know that it stays in my system more than a few days. learned that hard way in high school lol. i’ve already stopped smoking and won’t smoke until a couple weeks after the test just in case.


bcheese15

If your having trouble finding synthetics use quick fix, it works for lab urine tests too.


SOADFAN96

I heard quick fix tests positive for nitrates and that sub solution doesn't have said nitrates


bcheese15

Idk about all that but it works at places like LabCorp for sure, as long as the temp is between 90-100. Let's just say... a friend of mine... Has successfully passed with it


Seymore_Buttz

When's the last you smoked


Dismal_Egg_6851

Last weekend. Saturday.


Darkfire_001

Man I was able to pass a piss test just by drinking about 4 Gatorades, a body armor, a rockstar, and a bang energy drink the day before, as well as as much water I could stomach. I had smoked within 24 hours, and either I passed, or the company drug testing me just didn't care.


DinoShinigami

for me a few days and I'm fine, even when heavy smoking. that's not the norm tho I just have a super fast metabolism.


bcheese15

Then you sir are very lucky, I've never successfully got thc out if my system since I started


rochimer

Honestly just quit until then. To be safe you can buy some fake piss, just make sure you practice getting the temperature right.


Dismal_Egg_6851

You really think so? I’m chugging a gallon a day and not smoking, just worried that with how long i’ve smoked regularly it won’t be enough. Could just be my anxiety talking.


diverareyouok

What sort of body type do you have? If you’re overweight, even what you’re doing probably won’t be enough… But if you’re average weight, I’d say it’s probably 50-50 that you’ll pass. Your best bet is going to be finding someone who can give you some clean urine.


Dismal_Egg_6851

I am active in the gym. 5’10” 130 lbs, 22F, exercise 6x weekly.


PochinkiPrincess

Most head shops sell testing kits so you can do a practice run at home


darklilly101

They have them at the Dollar Tree too, lots cheaper.


fitandhealthyguy

They have them at cvs as well


hornygengar

I don’t believe the dollar tree tests are very accurate. I’ve taken 2 before and got different results lol but you get what you pay for


Regular_Imagination7

usually all those kinds of tests are like 99% accurate, cheaply made or other wise.


Stitchikins

Yeah, if it's anything like the pregnancy tests, they're exactly the same accuracy for 1/10th the price.


Gil_V

They are very accurate, actually


diverareyouok

OK, that’s definitely going to help clear your system faster than average. [Here’s](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4270258/) a scientific article indicating why that is. I would read through that entire thing, because it may very well contain information that you’ll find particularly relevant as far as how quickly cannabinoids can be cleared out of your system if you’re at a healthy/active weight.


Seymore_Buttz

I used to b skinny with a fast metabolism. I was clean after 2 weeks. My bet is you'll be good. On the day of the test drink water the night before. Make sure you pee first thing in the morning of the test. Drink some Gatorade during the day and pee again during the day. It boils down to you want the liquid coming out to be in your body the least amount of time possible. Just make sure your pee isn't clear (if it is you can take some niacin pills) But the tch is stored in fat cells so if you've got little fat on you it'll process of hough you quick I also took at home drug tests so if youre nervous take one of those in a week and I bet you'll be good How long ago did you stop smoking Also keep in mind if your pee is too clear they'll ask you for a retest usually which would only give you more time.


Dismal_Egg_6851

I smoked for the last time on Saturday. thank you for all of the tips!


theresthatbear

There's a head shop in my town that sells drinks that work for roughly 5-6 hours. I've used them multiple times and NEVER failed a drug test. They also sell oral ones to swish and swallow if your test is oral, not urine, but you have less time before and after to test. Search around for any head shops that sell them in your area. They're not hard to find.


NovaCain08

Yup, I work in the oilfield and have to test for every new site I work at.. I'm a chronic smoker and have used MegaCleanse (pretty sure that's the name, big red bottle) over 50 times easy, and have never failed a test. Only works for weed though.


L_AlAbdallat

no no no what he said is absolute bullshit do not over drink water, you dont wanna end up with hyponatremia (low sodium) and its not simply about how much you pee and do mot take anything to change the color of your urine, transparent urine is fine btw - im a dr, please do not over drink water


Dismal_Egg_6851

I normally drink a gallon a day, just for health. Is that fine to continue lol?


L_AlAbdallat

honestly its a bit higher than recommended, in case you sweat a lot, have high protein intake, no family history of any kidney diseases than probably its fine. i go to the gym regularly and take whey and creatine, it wouldnt harm in general to do few tests every once in a while ( kidney function, liver, electrolytes and some vitamins, cbc) ofc no indication rn or reason to worry just to have a baseline and you know when needed. anyway no need to drink more than that, hyponatremia is a serious issue also if i remember correctly weed metabolites are stored in fat, so if you're skinny that's probably great a hair drug test will probably show if you smoked in the last 3 months, avoid this and just a random suggestion, can you do a urine test by yourself in a any private lab? maybe the day before your real test will probably give you an indication if you're good to go and best of luck


[deleted]

[удалено]


dilbert207

This is BS. A gallon of water/day isn’t too much. This is a fact. You’re not a Dr., you’re a bored idiot on Reddit.


Seymore_Buttz

You'll be good. Don't sweat it


manwhoreproblems

A few quick tips. Flush the body. Take centrum vitamin pills an hour before test. Eat a large protein heavy meal two hours prior. This will give coloring and help get protein in the sample.


bkent9

THC is in your fat so since you're very fit you'll be ok I imagine if it's a urine test. If it is a hair test you'll fail because that takes months to grow hair out that wouldn't have detectable THC. Buy an OTC urine test and test at worst case scenario, not well hydrated first thing in the morning with the beginning urine you pee out. Good luck!


Kelemvore2265

A buddy of mine was a smoker…. Skinny dude with a fast metabolism, he was told on Friday he had to take a drug test on Monday… no smoking on the weekend, and passed the drug test on Monday. I think you’ll be fine, especially working out and drinking copious amounts of water.


SnideJaden

You have a solid chance. I had a male friend with almost same stats that had high pass rate after 2 weeks. Keep working on flushing. Add creatine to diet a few days before test, this is measured and "weighs the viscosity" of pee to determine how watered down or not it is. I'd still use fake urine if possible.


GeekyNexi

no way I found you here. You're from the AITA post! Are you still together with your POS husband?


Dismal_Egg_6851

Lol! He’s still trying to make my life hell, but i’ve moved on with my life. Thanks to a lot of therapy!


GeekyNexi

Good on you for improving your life, one bad decision shouldn't haunt you for the rest of your life. Cut him out and continue being the best version of yourself. I wish you well on the test and hope everything will work out! Peace


rudbek-of-rudbek

Take someone's piss with you. Make sure you keep it next to your skin. No big deal


hardcoredore

When was the last time you smoked? It's usually very easy for someone as healthy, activee, & thin as to clean their system. However, if you've just stopped smoking, a week or so isn't long enough imo. Especially with the THC content of Today's weed strains. Every fat cell in your body is packed with that stuff after 3 years. I'd find someone to give you some clean urine. Then put it in a glue bottle between your legs (under your sack) to keep it warm while you are waiting to take the test. Warm it up at home obviously, first. Not too much or you'll burn yourself! 😬


wavy_moltisanti

Big factors to consider here. How much do you smoke? A lot a little, daily only once a month? Are you smoking high grade flower or concentrates? If you smoke everyday forget about it your gonna test dirty regardless of what you drink/do to yourself, accept it. Focus on passing with fake piss and maintaining correct temps until you gotta fill the cup. ONLY POSSIBLE WAY. All other stories are anomalies/ bs, you won’t pass being a daily toker with your own piss. If you’re skinny and only smoke on occasions like 1-2x a month you’ll actually be able to flush your system out given you don’t have much fat in your body for the thc molecules to stick, this is another option depending on your body type/usage. Are you over weight? If yes you’re going to have a harder time getting clean trying to drink/flush/masking your piss because your body fat content is higher ie. thc levels are higher over all ~ longer to get clean, minimum of a month to get clean just doing nothing but letting the body filter it naturally. Good fucken luck.


Dismal_Egg_6851

I’m a twice daily smoker and it’s all high grade dispensary flower. I am 5’10”, female, 130 lbs, exercise 6x a week. I’ve found someone with clean pee I just need to figure out the best method for keeping warm.


duckonquakkk

My method was to take a 5hr energy bottle, get my clean friend to piss in it right before I left for the lab, used rubber bands to keep a hand warmer on it and stuck it in my underwear for warmth. Worked like a charm.


wavy_moltisanti

Okay good stats and good that you got some actual real piss. Used to do it with fake piss bought at smoke shops back in the day…okay step 1) your gonna fill a condom with the piss, a good amount that would fill up to the piss line in the cup or else it won’t be accepted if too little. Tie it like a balloon, next boil some water in a pot on the stove and start dipping the condom in and out the pot until it gets to temperature should be around 90 to 97 degrees your gonna want to confirm using a device or something to calculate the temp. Next since you’re a woman your gonna want to wear something not so tight because your gonna have to hide it in your pants ie. crotch area so that it remains at body temp until you get to go in and make the drop. Gotta be a little on your role playing game here.


Librarywoman

In between your breasts wearing a bra.


wavy_moltisanti

Bingo


MikeCheka1Two

This is the best advice!


collinlt255

I used the upass 8.4 kit from my local headship and passed for my job was a standard non dot 10 panel test and passed 3 days ago.


Ann_Fetamine

If you're a daily smoker, 3 days is not gonna be enough to get it out of your system most likely. Not even close. THC metabolites hang around for up to a month in chronic long-term smokers. That's the longer end but 3 days would be extremely short. Everybody's different but I'd get a backup plan just to be safe. Weed hangs around longer than any drug which is why drug tests are such bullshit. If you borrow someone else's urine, make sure it's from someone of the same sex as you. They can tell. Edit: Woops. Not sure why I thought it was 3 days away lol. Jan 5th might be long enough. Best of luck to you!


First-Rub3974

I have used synthetic urine (fake pee) for all of my past jobs and have passed every single time


relavant__username

No. disagree completely. Water over everything. You need to piss water basically. Avoid water toxicity and drink daily all day 3 days before. Day of..piss 6 times before the test. Youll be fine. daily smoker surprised 3 times. passed all. Also legal state.


wtfapatwut

Synthetic urine, namely "Urine Luck" average 35 usd to 50 usd depending where you are at. I've used it for 10+ years any time I changed careers. Heat it up to body temperature in the microwave for 10 seconds with the lid off. You can also put it in the warmer and rubber band it together for about an hour prior, it should be heated up to about 98 degrees then. Urine testers usually give you 4 minutes from the time you get in the room to pee in, they will monitor it and if you go over, they will make you retake it later. (See the long paragraph below as it applies) The threshold for the test is between 92 degrees Fahrenheit and 100 degrees Fahrenheit, anything above or below that will trigger a retest but it now, you're being watched. If this happens, you have to pull off the fake out of the century (none of that shy bladder syndrome, they don't care.) Have a conversation with the person in private saying you were molested and cannot pee when someone is watching you, fake tears, shake a little back and forth and look at the ground, it works when all else fails. They will ask you to empty your pockets, you don't have to and they can't touch you. If you're nervous, tuck it in a sock and put another sock over it so you don't need a rubber band to hold it in place.


MeliodasKush

I highly doubt you’ll be clean by then, I smoked heavily for only 6 months and still took me 27 days to get clean (was testing regularly at home to see how long it’d take). Your best bet is fake piss, I wouldn’t risk your own piss.


dirtyoldbastard77

I took a test for the millitary just a few weeks after smoking, was sure I would fail, but in the meantime I had been working Christmas shift where I practically lived on OJ and coffee, plus I've always had a fast metabolism, I am sure that combo was what saved me


DoctorFreeman

You just need to drink a lot on the day of


MoribundNight

As a parole slave who smokes and has always had to deal with UAs the options are either quit a couple weeks before (exercising the first 12 days, eating tons of fat the last two), and then drinking a LOT the day of the test…. Or get fake urine or someone else’s piss. Drinking water before does nothing. It’s a dilution method not a detox.


ganjaman_407

Go to your local grocery store. In the aisle they sell the jams and jellies; look for Certo Pectin. 2 hours before your test, mix one pack of the Certo with a bottle of water. Chug it down. It's sour and nasty but it works. After you drink it, follow it with 2 more bottles of water. Make sure you piss only one time after drinking the Certo. You're gonna have to piss like a horse, but hold it in until your drug test. Also, take a vitamin B12. It makes your piss yellow and not diluted from the water. I used to do this when I was on probation for marijuana possession. It worked like a charm every time. Good luck 👍


Dismal_Egg_6851

Thank you! I have seen this trick other places, but they said to mix the certo with gatorade. Is that necessary/does it make a difference?


ganjaman_407

I don't think it makes a difference, I think people mix it with Garorade just to mask the sourness of the Certo. I always did it with water. Either way should work though.


[deleted]

Gatorade will replenish electrolytes in the diluted urine sample. To pass a drug test, one has to dilute their urine enough to undetectable concentrations. You can do this by decreasing the amount of THC being released from your fat for the duration of your test (stopping exercising for a few days, eating high fat meals). Then dilute via drinking excess water (as all detox drinks have in their instructions). Detox drinks like USB replenish the other things that drug tests may check for, namely electrolyte and creatine levels. The certo method is theorized to bind to THC and be excreted through feces and not urine. As a heavy smoker, the method I used is: Drink heavy amounts of water 1-2 days before. The night before, drink a gatorade combined with a certo package. Continue drinking water the next morning. The THC concentration will be highest in your first morning pee, so try to pee a few times before going to get tested. In the morning, take a vitamin B12 or B-complex pill to turn your pee yellow, and take a serving of creatine powder. 45min-1.25hrs before you will pee, start by taking a detox drink (USB or Stinger detox have worked for me), then take another gatorade+certo and follow with 1L of water. I also bought at home tests to monitor my method and tried it a few days prior to see if my tests would come up negative. Keep in mind the difference in detection limits for at home tests versus the company that’s testing your sample (usually 5 ng/ml)


charlesdickinsideme

I have a test in a few weeks but haven’t smoked since December 14. Smoked a max of 2x a week for ~6 months. I’m assuming I should be fine even without the certo, right? Pretty active and skinny male


GrassTacts

Stay clean and you'll be fine. At home tests (especially ordered online) are cheap if you want to be certain


I_Looove_Pizza

I'm 38, I've never failed a drug test in my life using this method, you should definitely do this. It's called "sure jell" where I live. It's a natural thing that comes from fruit, the only downside is that you'll have to drink a ton of water. I like to take it about 2 hours before the test. I mix one packet of the Sure-Jell in about 24 oz of water and chug the whole thing. Then I refill that cup and drink it again, twice. You'll want to urinate at least once, maybe twice, before taking the test.


BeautifulDeer

I know you have read some things on here and I just want to give my own story. I passed a test this most recent Monday. I found out 5 days before I needed to pass. Immediately cut thc use of course. The only drink becomes water, or water with lemon and cucumber. Sunday night before bed I mix a packet of certo with Gatorade and down it. Monday morning I wake at 9 and down everything I need for my test in 3 hours. Another certo with a lemon lime Gatorade. Multivitamin and b12 vitamin. No vitamins means pee is too clean. Won't pass labs. Then sip on another Gatorade for 20 min. Then water. Passed with ease. Also, no losing weight. Eat more calories than needed. Thc resides in fat. But don't eat sugar. Not because of any science I know. I just think candy and soda isn't that great while getting to do a great cleanse. My job sends my piss to a lab and the whole 9. So I think certo is a beautiful gift. Don't forget to urinate 3 times in 3 hours before the test. Gotta make sure all the nasty gets out.


rayosr23

To add to this: Heavy consumption of water can dilute natural occurring creatine which can cause test failure. Take some before test During piss test, provide MIDSTREAM urine, not beginning stream


Niko_47x

Why would they need to make it yellow, if it's nearly clear that just means it's healthy and you drink a lot of water, do should be totally normal. no? If not guess I'd set off red flags for nothing then lmao.


ganjaman_407

I'm speaking from a probation standpoint, and I know OP is talking about a drug test for work so they probably wouldn't be too concerned about clear urine...however, if they think it looks diluted, they may make OP take a second test on another day in which case, OP would have to repeat the whole process again. In order to save OP the headache, I just suggested that they take vitamin B12 to make their urine yellow, and believable. It's better safe than sorry!


Niko_47x

That's weird but fair i guess. And yea absolutely better to be safe than sorry Thanks for the answer. Was always confused about the issue of it being clear for the test. Makes some what sense, but protocol is protocol


SnooTangerines6552

I tried this. It did not work for me so make sure you test this out before you take your drug test. I got really sick from it and I still showed up positive for marijuana.


ganjaman_407

Did you take it the way I suggested? The directions need to be followed to a T in order to be effective. I've used it 10+ times and it always worked for me.


StealthySally

Fake piss for sure


elcapitan706

Yeah, I've passed my last 3 piss tests with fake piss.


A7scenario

Don’t they watch you?


Traditional-Ad3161

Not usually, unless you're military or a professional athlete. But you have to find a way to keep the piss warm.


LookAtMeImAName

Exactly what a thermos is for 😎 Be sure to add sugar and cream so it doesn’t taste bitter


ebin44

lmao this guy drinks his piss with sugar and cream pussy bitch boy


Rezient

Yeah a real man drinks his pee, straight black ☕


Tedisdillon1299

Ebony*. Saying black is racist.


MiszJones

Kidney failure has entered the chat 💬


Turrbo_Jettz

Don't they test for fake piss? I mean, can't laboratories they tell the difference between real and fake urine


disinterested_a-hole

Nope, not without super expensive extra testing. They don't do that for regular jobs. Fake works every time.


elcapitan706

Nah man. I wear a pair of pants with cargo pockets. The fake piss i was buying comes with a hand warmer. I would microwave the fake piss until it was slightly above the temperature required. Rubberband the hand warmer to the bottle and drop it in your cargo pocket. They'll ask you to empty your pockets before going in to pee. So I'll drop my keys, lighter, phone, and wallet. And go in. Sometimes they'll request you not shut the door, but just close it most of the way. And grab the bottle and pour some in the cup, and bobs your auntie. Never been patted down or anything like that. Just act normal, and even flirt with the nurse a bit, anything helps. Edit: words


ImmabouttogoHAM

Most companies will not do a direct observe for pre-employment or random. Reasonable suspicion and maybe post-incident. But state laws and company policies vary. Also, those claiming to use fake pee and warm it up, make sure you don't warm it too much or too little. I had a collection site call me because the pee was like 120°F or something. We joked that the person was either dead or a demon. Your pee will come out around your body's temperature. 98.6°F and they allow a variation around 5 degrees in either direction. Disclaimer: in no way do I condone faking a drug test. If you get caught it could potentially follow you to other potential employers. Depends on a couple different things. Best idea is to quit doing any drugs when job searching. With high amount of THC in legal weed now (especially if you dab) and your unique physiology, it could take over a month to get out of your system. I've heard of people that failed after 30 days, and others that passed after quitting for a much shorter time. I had a friend that went to a different collection site than the one we used and paid for his own test because he was concerned he would fail. Keep in mind that a quick test/home kit will not be as accurate as a lab test. Hope this helps for educational purposes.


kelvin_bot

120°F is equivalent to 48°C, which is 322K. --- ^(I'm a bot that converts temperature between two units humans can understand, then convert it to Kelvin for bots and physicists to understand)


Random_182f2565

Please elaborate


-Distinction

You could try synthetic urine. they come with hand warmers to keep them at the right tempreture


PetMyPeePeePlease

There are a lot of detox kits specifically designed for helping people pass drug tests, I see them everywhere here in DC, if you can't locate a detox kit then drinking a bunch of cranberry juice is also an option Also for what it's worth, a couple years ago I was given a random drug test and I knew I'd fail because I smoke regularly and have for a while, I told them I took CBD oil to help me sleep, they then were okay when my test came back showing marijuana


theresthatbear

This reminds me that smoking hemp cigarettes also gives a positive result. You can buy a pack, take out several and make it look like you've been carrying it around to show them that's what you smoke and m a y b e get away with thc in your system that way.


Xyphilis

Just get a doctors note or whatever for a fake ailment that would prevent you from getting tested. I worked with a guy who needed to pass a piss test on parole and he definitely wouldn’t have, so we got him showing he tested positive for corona and they pushed his testing date to after he would’ve been non-contagious. Passed with flying colors.


shwirms

search up BMS oil change


NoExcitement482

This will lead to infections. Not an option but hilarious


Traditional-Ad3161

Not if you properly sterilize


NoExcitement482

I guess do what you gotta do. I don’t want anything up there


Dismal_Egg_6851

lol, i looked it up. is that even realistically possible😂


Traditional-Ad3161

Yes, it is possible. Wouldn't recommend though


bcheese15

This is the way


abrasaxual

Good lord.


anivex

Quickfixsynthetics.com Has worked for military tests, state and federal probation tests, and every job test I’ve ever used it or gotten it for someone else for. Comes with instructions, and I suggest getting the leg strap for easy access.


rogue-elephant

Welp, this is how my friend did it in college: Get a travel sized Listerine bottle (Or Crest mouthwash), empty it out and make sure it clean. Have a friend who you know for a fact to not smoke and have them piss in it. Place the bottle against your upper-inner-thigh or in your underwear to keep it warm. Pour it into the cup and you get a pass. Just make sure you have enough piss. Its not pretty but it works.


maplecandyland

if its legal or you allowed to have it by dr they cant turn you away for testing positive, i was worried myself moving across the world, but yea, you all good bro


The-Narco-Saint

Buy QuickFix


DOG_BALLZ

Double this. Works every single time. Wear some tight underwear and crotch it. Comes with a handwarmer to keep it up to temp for hours. Make sure to use hair ties instead of the rubber band that comes with it to hold the warmer to the bottle, otherwise the rubber band gets caught in pubes and hurts like a bitch.


ULT-waffle

Yo I was just in this situation, buy synthetic pee. I used quickfix version 6.3 It passed a 4 panel pee test and got me my dream job


Kindly_Ad7608

They may test your hair, in which case you are screwed. You can counter by shaving your head and body before being tested.


Alansalot

I went on a tolerance break for a month thinking I would pass the pee test found out the day before that it was a hair test so I just gave up early and smoked that night and the morning of the test, I still got the job. I should have failed two other drug tests for weed but I also got those jobs. I'm not saying this is advice I just like telling that story.


Kindly_Ad7608

Hair tests pick up drug use ranging from one week to 6 months ago roughly. Suggest you cut your hair short to hide your "binge"


Alansalot

thats the thing, I didn't cut my hair at all and had been smoking everyday for over 2 years


Kindly_Ad7608

Maybe your test was effed up or your work doesn't give a shit about pot. A gas chromatograph of your hair should have picked it up. These are expensive however.


Kindly_Ad7608

Maybe your boss decided to pocket the costs of the hair tests, and shitcaned the samples. He might have assumed that anyone willingly giving a hair sample was probable negative anyway.


Dismal_Egg_6851

I’m in luck there, they specifically told me it was a urine test. i would have just told them then and there that it wasn’t gonna work out if it was a hair test lol


SandDuner509

Fake pee. Get the keg strap to conceal the bottle. Google quickfix. I've used it multiple times. Cost like $40


falalalachupacabra

Second this. My formula is to wear long johns under jeans and just wedge the container in my gooch. It takes 40 minutes to reach body temperature. I've probably passed 30 tests in my life. Easy peasy. All these people saying to stop smoking, drink lots of water, and excercise are dum-dums. THC is sticking to your fat cells and could drop out at any time, maybe just in time for your piss test!


PaperRoc

OP if you fail, ask for a retest. Sometimes they give a false positive. You'll probably pass though. I definitely feel your pain. I live in a state that's recreationally legal and my last employer still did urine and hair follicle tests for thc. I can understand an employer not wanting employees to show up high, but to exclude people altogether is ridiculous. It's the equivalent of being fired for drinking a beer on the weekend. Rules like these should be broken. I hope you don't have to quit smoking after you're hired. For me personally It's a lot to think about giving up now that I've seen all the good it has done for me.


Dismal_Egg_6851

It’s such a shame that they treat marijuana this way! It is hands down a tool that can be used for good. It can be abused… but just like you said so can alcohol. I work in childcare so I definitely understand why they wouldn’t want employees to come into work high, but like jesus christ! Those little nuggets put me through the wringer all day long! at least let me smoke a bowl before bed😂


PaperRoc

Yes exactly! You deserve some green nuggets to help you deal with those human nuggets 🤣. If anyone deserves some weed after their job it's people who work with kids. I've tried different medications but nothing melts my anxiety like marijuana does.


JdoubleS98

Start now. Workout daily. I mean seriously workout. Intense cardio and wear the most amount of clothing you can bear. You're looking to sweat as much as possible. The more you sweat the better. This is important. You'll want to be drinking about a gallon of lIquid a day. Try to mix it up and you'll want about 3 L of water and maybe 1 L of gatorade. Buy some vitamin B6&B12 and creatine. All of this sweat/hydrating will dilute your urine immensely and will most likely warrant a retest. Taking these vitamins and creatine will not only help flush your system, they will essentially trick the test into thinking your urine isn't crazy diluted. Take the recommended doses of the vitamins and creatine daily. On the morning of the test you'll want to double up on the vitamins and creatine. MAKE SURE YOU PEE BEFORE THE TEST. You do NOT want your first pee of the day to be the one you get tested on. Your body stores everything up overnight and the first pee of the day will be loaded with gunk. Drink a minimum of 2Liters the day of the test, before you test. Good luck. Lmk how it goes. All of these people saying fake piss... That's a decent backup plan but you can pass with ease with this much time. Don't smoke anymore though of course. You can give yourself a test the day before or whenever to see how you'll do


medina_ds3

Can confirm this works even without working out the important part is adding creatine and color to mask the water dilution


scroopynoopersdid911

This is the way


GGTM98

Just buy a big Gatorade, some certo from Walmart and poor it in your Gatorade and chug it 4 hours before your test. This is the best way trust me.


Whoaa_Dude

For sure get some fake piss and buy a GOOD drug test the day before or day of and take it, if still dirty use the fake stuff.


ForeverInBlackJeans

As a non-drug user I'm sensing a business opportunity here....


BurnyMadeoffJR

absolutely!! get the Dr. Green Agent X field kit and follow instructions.. most important thing is the temp... not too hot or cold so make sure to do a trial run and make sure you have a heating pad on deck in case.. its how i have passed 100% of the tests that I have passed.. doesn't have to be the brand i mentioned.. they are just reliable and I have used them a lot.. its a jock strap type thing with a pouch for the pee in the front and a small tube that can go under your weiner.. you can pass an observed test w/ this if you practice.. but dont try to go in there and do it with no pratice at all.. its not hard but you need to do it once or twice before its easy.. hope this helps..


nickkim000

You absolutely wont pass that test if you go cold turkey. Ive taken many drug tests and it takes a while for weed to get out of your system. Id probably go for fake piss or use someone elses


-ImYourHuckleberry-

One time I went to a head shop and bought a detox shake. I drank it the morning of the test with plenty of water, peed a couple of times, took the test, passed.


babymaker666

I get it from a confidential source. Then put it in one of those travel shampoo bottles, strap a fish tank thermometer to it, put on tightly whites and tuck it in my taint. When you take the tests, make small talk with them, act natural and when the door closes dump it in the cup, put the lid on it, tuck the bottle in your pants and walk out of there like a big shot. I smoke everyday and this is how I've gotten every single job I've ever had. Drug tests are litmus tests for stupid people.


fattybrah

I just passed mine last month. I am a chronic smoker for 10 years before I had to do my urine test The quick fix is to dilute your piss enough so the thc metabolites are low enough to pass. The better but harder way is what I took Phase 1 burn fat so your body can detox as much THC metabolites as possible. The reason why weed stays in your system for so long is because it latches onto your fat tissue. The fatter you are the more saturated these deposits. In order to release them for excretion you need to mobilize and metabolize your body fat ie start losing weight 1) crash diet. Switch to a protein modified fasting diet 2) workout every day Phase 2 3 days before your test. Switch to a all you can eat diet. Now you have lowered as much thc metabolites as you possibly can it’s time to suck the rest back into your fat cells so it doesn’t excrete in your urine. Just eat like a pig 36 - 48 hours before your test. Start chugging water mixed with creatine. Aim for 2 gallons per day. They test for creatinine levels to make sure people don’t dilute their piss. Adding creatine (workout supplement) will alleviate this. Just chuck a table spoon with every 2 liters or something 12 hours before your test. Keep drinking that water and creatine mixture but add in a heavy fatty meal so you force your body to hold onto as much THC metabolites into the fat cells as possible. 2 hours before your test. Take daily dose of multi vitamin and or vitamin b complex and or vitamin c. This will add color to your piss as they do a visual inspection to check for dilution Note: plan your test in the afternoon or late afternoon. You want to give them your diluted piss. Your morning pee has the most concentrations of metabolites. When you pee in the cup make sure you give them your mid stream. The initial piss stream let it hit the bowl first


c_im_not_clever

It's quite possible to get clean within your timeline, I just wouldn't trust the fate of a job on it. I recommend Quick Fix synthetic urine, 3/3 on personal experience. https://quickfixurine.com/


hunkyboy46511

Go to GNC or Walmart and get some Goldenseal Root capsules. Gobble two of those each day for a week and you’ll be clean as a whistle. That worked for me 30 years ago when I was in the same position as you.


gnarwin

Drink lots of hot green tea. It helps keep your metabolism up which could help speed up the break down of some of the fatty tissue where THC can be stored and show up in urine as a waste product. I smoked heavily for years and passed a drug test at 18 days with this method.. god speed on your 14 day journey. Edit: also drinking a shit ton of water helps but only up to a certain point. You can also get water poisoning or cause some other issues by drinking way too much water everyday, so just do your best and don’t hurt yourself. Edit 2: also drug tests only test for a threshold, which can be higher or lower depending on the method and the agency completing the urinalysis. You don’t have to be 100% clean but you can get below the threshold fairly quickly. Still stop smoking though lol


Greenevers

http://www.passyourdrugtest.com/timetable.htm probably not, so I would try to get your test postponed or use synthetic. if you do go for your own, make sure to pee a little bit in the toilet before collecting your sample. i remember reading the first little bit of piss is more concentrated before your stream gets flowing lol


popeshatt

Easy route: buy 2 packs of quick fix or other synthetic urine. Use 1 pack to practice getting the temperature right. Nobody will watch you pee. Hard route/ not guaranteed: Buy some test strips with different thc metabolite cut off levels and assess the damage. You may be able to get away with simply drinking a lot of water, but you need to check.


CryptoMenace

Get a small 5 hour energy bottle. Wash it out really well. Fill with clean piss. Get a McDonald's hot water. Tie string to bottle and dip in water for 5 minutes. Then tuck next to your nuts for 10-20 mins.


BarbequeFred

Definitely Certo Sure-Gel in Gatorade 40 min - 2 hrs prior (used this method with success many times) or just get a bottle of fake pee like Quick Fix and put it in a jock strap. Cheapest way is to drink a bunch of sure- gel though. I recommend the liquid kind in the blue box, drink all contents of box.


koasuniverse

The big Q-Carbo. You can get it at any head/vitamin shop. Read the directions n drink a shit ton of water. I’m 6/6 with Qcarbo. It only works with UA though. So if they’re pulling hair or blood, then Qcarbo is not the answer.


mlb1365

Get a medical card. I maxed out a drug test for cvs and when their doctor called me asking about being positive for thc. I gave them my medical card number and was completely fine


Dismal_Egg_6851

I have a medical card. I work in childcare (the lil shits give me anxiety LMAO) so a medical card doesn’t matter. I didn’t anticipate changing jobs so this wasn’t on my mind. For my last job I stopped smoking for 3 months before the test!


SnooGuavas1745

I would go with the fake pee too. Last time i stopped smoking after being a daily smoker for like 2 years I tested positive for thc for about 6 months. However, I am also a pretty large gal and the fat makes a difference. Fake pee is your safest bet.


cheezeborgor

Decide what method you are going to attempt (my vote: no smoking between now and the test and keep up your exercise regimen) then... Buy some at-home drug test kits. Last I checked they were like $12-13 for 1 and just a couple bucks more for 5. Beginning a few days before the test, just test yourself at home. If you don't have a positive test at home for 2 days in a row before you go in then you'll be in great shape AND you can walk in there with peace of mind. Good luck!


Xinq_

I would tell them to fuck off and stop invading my medical privacy. They can judge my work, not what I do in my free time.


DlnnerTable

I hear Q carbo 32 works. I’ve never done it myself and I may have butchered the name.. but give it a google. My friend has passed a surprise next day drug test after smoking nearly every day


aikenndrumm

Take a bunch of niacin. I had been smoking daily for 6 years when I got court ordered to take random UAs for drug treatment. After my first dirty UA I started taking a bunch of niacin, like 10+ pills a day. Within 2 weeks I had clean UAs. On the day of the test you should make sure not to drink too much water because you don’t want to have a dilute. They measured the creatin levels to see if the sample was diluted. If it was diluted they assumed you were trying to hide drug use. Dilutes can happen because of medical conditions that cause malabsorption as well though. If it’s not a monitored UA you can just smuggle in clean urine in a little 5 hr energy bottle that is kept warm by bodyheat and those little hot hands hand warmers. These methods have both been used to pass court ordered UAs.


Lephiro

At least you're getting advice here. I posted in no stupid questions and got a boatload of salty anti-drug people telling me how "da-rUgZ r BAaaaD"


thatoneguyyy666

Upass


mrdobie

U can buy those rest and try to test yourself. Higher level test like hair will fail for sure.


irrfin

Upass


TheHackerLorax

Take B vitamins to make sure you don't pee clear. Hope for the best, and maybe see if you can find a way to delay it


8DaysaWeek95_

Search a youtube video about it. I believe it is by the channel called Vanity Fair. I haven’t tried it, but heard it works


spanky_mcbutts

Do you know its a piss test? A lot of places have moved to the oral swab. If thats the case dont smoke for two days and use mouth wash thrice daily.


DullClitoris

Go to condoms galore. Get fake pets. Get hand warmer. The shake up 45 minutes before and strap to P bottle. Put it in your waistband or crotch. Make sure it won’t fall out. If the government isn’t testing you they won’t look at your dick. Honestly this is the way.It’s not worth stopping if you don’t have to


Korunam

I think if you work out like you said you did. Start guzzling water and don't smoke at all until then you'll probably be okay if it was a hair test that would be different but just for a pee test it should be out of you by then since that's a couple weeks off.


Dfndr612

If it’s a hair sample test, I believe it is going to show up. Why not get a medical 402 card?


Bama-Dan

I’ve read through a lot of these but the cheapest way is to sweat your balls off and drink a lot of water. Hit the treadmill, shoot some hoops, play soccer, sit in a sauna, etc and just drink a lot of water. Obviously don’t smoke between now and then. The lower your bmi the easier this will work as a lot of the thc is stored on fat. When it’s time to take the test, pee in the toilet, then the cup, then the toilet. If there’s any left, it’ll be in the beginning/end of your stream. Source: I used this to pass a test within 4 hours on a surprise test.


Rental_Car

Pretty sure you will fail the test.


t-jameson-corazon

Try taking niacin and B-12. I had to get clean for a recent job in TX (DEN native). Was drinking a gallon plus a day for a while but I was dirty for two weeks. They will most likely ask you to retest if you’re dehydrated so don’t smoke after you go in


BL_Gunner

Warm fake piss has always worked for me.


Tw1ch1e

Synthetic! Don’t play games with vitamins…. It’s a gamble.


Draygoes

Yes. Stop smoking right now!


shinesss

Amazon has a home test kit 15 tests for $10. Works pretty good


forgot_username1

Recently stopped for 2 months to clear for a test and I was positive hadn’t touched the stuff for more then two months… daily for maybe 6 month


vik42069

Heard kreatine really helps


drkraptor7

Fake piss. Testneg has good kits.


bobbiscotti

In addition to what others have said about drinking lots of water, find some creatine at a local supplement store. Doesn’t matter the type (monohydrate/HCl/magnesium complex), just take about 2-3 x as much as they recommend for 3 days prior to the test (10g or more if you can get it down, spreading it out some will help) and the morning of your test. It will help you in the gym too! When they analyze the urine, they will use the creatinine (a product of its slow degradation) levels to determine a baseline. Urine can be at many different levels of concentration so they use this to calibrate their measurements, and to determine if you have been drinking too much water to give them a good test. As for the people worrying about electrolytes, you should be fine as long as your fluid intake is spread out and you eat something (preferably salty) with it (even just potato chips will do fine). Just don’t chug a whole gallon in one sitting (common sense right but that’s how people die from that stuff). Also. Do not work out the day before the test; you may be relatively healthy and low on fat, but you are still a woman meaning there’s still plenty around to store THC. These fats will carry the THC solvated within them to your blood stream if the fats are needed for energy. Try to eat hearty! One last thing: during the test, do not get the beginning or the end of your stream. The beginning will have material which has settled to the bottom of your bladder, and the end will have material which has stuck to the sides of it. The cleanest will be mid stream. I’ve passed a few tests in my time, some after only a week (yes for cannabis). There’s no guarantee of course, but these tips will improve your odds. Oh and no CBD products! At all! I used CBD hand lotion once and failed the test! They were understanding and let me retake, but CBD products not only often have traces of THC, it actually interconverts to THC in acidic conditions. Best of luck!


Kalkr8z11

Nope


hazlejungle0

Get a small baby bottle. The morning of your test have someone piss in the bottle. Put it between your ball and thighs if you're a guy. Place a few hand warming packets around it and keep it between the correct temp. Don't let it get too cold. Use a thermometer to check it every now and then. I'd say ever half hour.


MikeCheka1Two

Fake piss from a head shop, straight up. Only method I have never failed a test with as a daily smoker. Only concern is temerature but as a man I just wear some tight underwear and tuck it up behind my balls so it stays body temperature. If it's unsupervised as most employment tests are, a bra would work just as well. I personally wouldn't waste my time or money on the drinks or any other "cleanse" product. Never had one work even when following exact instructions. As a daily smoker, even being skinny, it's a toss up if you'd pass naturally just by not smoking for a couple weeks. As a woman you naturally have more bodyfat and it's stored in fat cells so that's something to keep in mind.


Fabulous_Warning9962

Fake peepee all the way. I've never known it to fail.


hlmnub

Quickfix!


ecclesiasticalme

You could be clean in that time if you have a pretty low BMI. If you're overweight, fake pee. It is nice being sober and not having to worry about that stuff anymore.


Pimps-N-Hos

If no one has recommended it yet, consider buying a drug test and testing yourself beforehand to see if the measures your taking have helped or not


[deleted]

A lot of people swear by golden seal (head shops sell it) but the best way would be stop smoking (just until you get hired not after the test incase you need to retest) drink lots of water and sweat more in the gym. Then Jan 2nd take your first at home thc piss test and see where your at, most at home tests arnt as good as the lab test but if you can pass the at home you have much better chances of passing the lab test


lilbmew

Testclear.com.


scroopynoopersdid911

I’ve gotten fully clean in a week or so when I was about the same area. I probably smoked more honestly. So pound water all day everyday until the test. Workout and eat like a crazy person. Buy some tests on Amazon and test yourself immediately when you get them. If possible have a friend who smokes test one to make sure they work. Then check yourself as you approach the test. Locate clean pee from a person you know while you do the above. Make a call the night before, either sneak in pee or go for it yourself. A small bottle taped on your junk is usually fine.


bigjuju27

Easy. A few warm water enemas. Clean the booty real well. Then take a douche bottle with the nozzle separate and use the original lid for reuse. Microwave clean urine you got from someone until it’s about 10 degrees hotter than 98.6. Put that hot bottle of pee in your underwear and your nozzle in your pocket or purse. Walk in, sign in. Go to a bathroom. Put the douche nozzle in your clean butthole. Your butthole is water tight don’t worry, you don’t have diarrhea leaking out of your ass with every step, therefore your clean piss won’t either. Then walk back in and sit down and wait. When they call your name sit on the toilet and piss out of your asshole. Worked for years and years of probation. I’m a woman and they made us spread our legs so they could watch but they don’t see what hole it comes out of!


SnooTangerines6552

I have tried every trick and nothing worked except for using someone’s clean Piss. Here’s what you do: you get a small amber bottle from a pharmacy. You get one of those temp strips that they put in fish tanks. You can get them off Amazon. You get someone clean to pee in the bottle and place a temp strip on it. I’m a girl so I washed it and then stuck it in my leggings against my vagina with a hand warmer. It stayed 97 degrees for an entire hour. If you’re a guy, place it between your balls. When you go into the bathroom, make sure it says 97-98 degrees on the bottle before you pour it into their urine cup. Easy.


Tedisdillon1299

My friend smoke daily. He buys these detox drinks stuff that works. He's on color code.


jfusco831

Get a medical card, depending on the state, can be fairly easy to get. Employer can't deny you if you get one


Phatty_Space_Pants

I just used fake piss. Worked like a charm.