By - night_steps
I’m sorry you are hurting so much.
Honestly this is a problem that will likely solve itself if the nurse is as pregnant as you say.
Your next egg retrieval won’t be for weeks at a minimum and she would likely go on leave soon.
Also, I know this is really really *really* hard and it’s okay to grieve, but try not to hate someone just because they are pregnant. It doesn’t do any good and it only makes you feel worse to focus on that.
If it helps, you don’t really know the nurses story. This could be a long awaited, much strived for baby. That’s why she works in that clinic.
If you need to talk or rant, you can PM me if you need.
Thank you 💕
Dumb me post-anesthesia asked the nurse if it was an IVF baby…she said no.
It could still have been a hard road to get to term, she could have had lots of losses, you just don’t know.
100% true and fair.
Good luck with your next cycle, I’ve been there not even getting to transfer - it totally sucks. ♥️
Entirely the most suckage! Good luck to you as well.
I'd focus on whether they're doing a good job. If they are, then you should be happy that a good professional is taking care of you; if they aren't, then by all means say something. But demanding that a perfectly fine professional be removed from their position because their very presence is triggering is a bit much, in my opinion. What if every patient asked for the same thing? Should pregnant women not work in IVF clinics?
I know it's hard (I've been actually been there), and there are situations in which you can very reasonably choose not to participate if they are triggering (a group chat where people send pictures of babies, a baby shower, etc.), but I don't think you can demand that others not do their job because it triggers you. I'm sure pregnant IVF workers are well aware of the effect that their presence may have on patients and go out of their way to make them feel comfortable.
To be honest, she was so pregnant I felt bad when I needed to ask for things. But what you're saying is true and fair. To clarify—I'd just ask to not be assigned a pregnant nurse at my next ER. So I wouldn't (and am not) demanding the pregnant nurse(s) be removed from their positions. That wouldn't be fair, 100%.
This is a source of discrimination though. If patients don’t want pregnant nurses working with them how can IVF clinics employ them?
It is within your right as a patient to pick who provides care. Not every IVF patient feels this way, and even if every IVF patient did feel this way there are other things they can do in the office.
In a hospital you can refuse care from a nurse based on gender, race, personality, etc. You have the right to do this clinic as well. They might not be able to do anything about it but it's totally in your right to ask.
Patients don’t have the right to select their nurse however they do have the right to be treated fairly without discrimination and if they feel they’re being discriminated against they can request a new nurse. But Seems like the only person discriminating in this post is the Op. 😬
That's not true at all, I didn't care for my previous nurse. Told my doctor and now I have a new nurse. You're being extremely judgmental.
I’m sorry but pregnant people exist. We can’t expect them to be removed from their job because they’re pregnant and that upsets us. Sorry if you think that’s judgmental. This shit sucks but pregnant people exist. We don’t know her road to get pregnant either. Could have been easy could have been just as hard as ours. And that’s great your dr was able to change nurses but that’s if they’re willing and able with enough staff. Legally they don’t have To is what I’m saying.
We never said they had to be removed from their job. We are just saying that we don't necessarily want them to be a part of our care, there is a huge difference.
Also it doesn't matter her journey to pregnancy, it could have been as rough as mine, it could be worse or it could be easier it doesn't matter. During certain triggering aspects of your life you might not feel comfortable being examined by these people.
I work in healthcare and if my pregnancy triggered someone I'd want to do what makes them comfortable. Legally they don't but most clinics if they have the staffing and the ability they will do it because they are respectful and have empathy.
Your judgement is unnecessary and until you have walked in mine or OP's shoes don't judge us. We don't judge you for how you handle situations in your life, you actively came to this thread to tell OP that she is judgmental and discriminating when she is trying to advocate for herself.
I hope you find peace and success in this journey.
I just want to extend you some compassion since some of these comments are…not. I completely understand why you feel that way and you’re not a bad person for wanting to avoid pregnant people during such a vulnerable time. It’s really, really hard.
Came here to say this ❤️
Thank you <3
I’d say it’s probably unlikely that you will have the same nurse. If she was so heavily pregnant she might have even gone on mat leave by then. And the chances of having another pregnant nurse are probably not very high. I’m sure the nurses are aware that it’s a bit triggering for patients. My IVF clinic had pregnant women and babies in the waiting room at times. You can ask but I personally don’t think it’s worth it. I was working as a midwife during IVF myself, many women saying ‘happened first go!!’, frequent mention of terminations, complaining about pregnancy etc. definitely a bit triggering at times.
Good points. I had seen more than one pregnant nurse during monitoring which is why I was considering it.
Ok that’s fair enough. I think the nurses probably feel a bit awkward about it, they know about what you’re going through. Who knows, they may have experienced infertility themselves. If you feel like it’s going to make you feel completely stressed and superstitious, it might be worth you asking, it’s really up to you!
At one point there was a researcher on the infertility sub who did a survey on how infertility patients feel when they have pregnant providers. You’re not a bad person for feeling taken aback by this!
Of course it would be ideal if an IVF clinic took our triggers into consideration...problem is, pregnant women are people... and we do ultimately want to treat all people with respect. Women have it tough in life at times... extra tough for most of us in this group, so I don't think the answer is to shame or reject someone who got to our goal before us. But if I'm completely honest, I would definitely love to not see another pregnant woman until its me in the mirror.... but yeah I don't think it's a reasonable request, despite me wanting it.
You wished her employers would encourage her to hide a pregnancy? That’s just illegal and wrong for so many reasons.
I would say that these kind of triggers are helpful to discuss in therapy.
I do have a therapist <3
I personally wouldn’t, but that’s me. If you feel it is necessary it couldn’t hurt to ask.
I understand how you feel. When I was doing my stim cycle the phlebotomist at the fertility clinic casually told me she had 6 kids. I was floored. Like, read the room?
I get it, the NP who did my SIS after my MMC was massively pregnant. She walked in the room and was like "I'm sorry for your loss" while she's smuggling a watermelon in her scrubs. I was pretty freaking annoyed, but I haven't seen her since. I'm not sure if she's on maternity leave but it fixed itself.
I find it hard to be around pregnant women too, do what you can for you, advocate for your feelings and not what is socially correct.
Perhaps it’s socially correct for a good reason. All feelings are real, but not all feelings are valid. Some feelings mean you need help and need to work through something for yourself.
Some people process infertility and loss differently. If I don't want to have a clearly visible pregnant person examining me through an extremely traumatic time that's my right. I had 3 weeks of not knowing if my baby was going to make it, then I bled internally for 2 months because there was missed tissue (all while everyone was telling me I was fine).
Me, OP and any other woman that has to go through this process is able to choose the staff they want to treat them. Until you've walked in our shoes, you can't judge us for how we cope and try to heal.
I'm glad you're ok with pregnant staff that's great, but sometimes during grief you don't want to be around someone who has what you want. It doesn't matter how they got pregnant sometimes you just need to not be around that.
I’m so sorry that was your experience—can only imagine how painful that was after a loss. Thanks for sharing and for the support.
I asked for a different doctor because I just wasn’t comfortable with the original doctor I signed up with at my clinic. They didn’t ask questions, I just said I wanted to switch. I don’t know if this is possible for nurses though, and it might cause your ER to be put off scheduling to request a certain nurse. It’s certainly ok to express boundaries for talking about pregnancy during the procedure, and if they have someone else who can cover the pregnant nurse, asking can’t hurt unless you can’t accept “no” for an answer. Nothing about the nurse will affect your eggs though, hopefully you’ll be able to come to some peace with it before you do the next ER.
I have no clue if they will be able to honor your request, but you are well within your rights to ask! Just like you could request having a provider of a certain gender or race. They may not be able to honor it, but it is worth asking for your own mental health ♥️
Well I would think of the positive side, I’ve been told being around pregnant women increases your chances of getting pregnant (pheromones—or whatever). Also considering she is about to have a child that she needs to feed I would just keep thinking about how much she needs her job.
Ugh the nurse who told me my lining was too thin for my first transfer was super pregnant. I always had wished they encouraged her to hide her pregnancy better. She would wear shirts that I swear made her belly more prominent. Sweet girl and I liked her but it was a gut punch sometimes.
I agree with the other commenters that you will probably not have that nurse again and she does have the right to work there. Sending internet hugs over to you. Your feelings are still so valid.