T O P

Phone inside asshole = Not a hoe

Phone inside asshole = Not a hoe

dazedan_confused

You know she's a hoe when she's long, thin, and ideal for digging up weeds.


TheReverseShock

So dirty


deck0352

Where’s a row when I need one?


Deadlychicken28

Probably over in the water sports section. This is the gardening area.


DannyAye

Sir…This is a Wendys


Flamegod69666

He knew what he said


a_crusty_old_man

🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅


dazedan_confused

You can't turn a hoe into a housewife.


SameTheme

I choose wive based on ability to push plow. More meter plow push, unfortunate more lamb father demand in payment. Current wive push plow 80 meter, unfortunate for me I pay extra 4 lamb for such perform. Such is life in Slavic world. I now go to feed my wife diet of borscht and sauerkraut in order to strengthen wive up and push plow more meter.


Generalissimo_II

I give you 2 chicken and Twix for eldest daughter


SameTheme

I prefer Borscht


Ash_Divine

Damn this dude broke. At least offer a cow in exchange for another.


Sir-Loin-of-Beef

Gardening tools also don't make good housewives.


HJpro7

Not with that attitude no


Deadlychicken28

Says you. My shovel loves me more than any woman could.


Plastic-Fortuniture

Is it womens fault tho???


Deadlychicken28

No. Hoes just ain't built for digging holes.


Sufficient-Ad-8441

I think you mean more than any woman _has_


Deadlychicken28

Both really...


Snake-N-Roses

As told to us by Dre, Kurupt, and Hitman back in 1999


Jsy1996

Guess you’ve never been pegged by one


Sufficient-Ad-8441

By a housewife or a garden tool? Do i get double points for “by a housewife WITH a garden tool”?


MermanmerMAAN

[Never waste your diamonds on a hoe.](https://youtu.be/nOad0ygv5v0)


Viperlite

Forgot metal.


Exausted_Square

FALSE: Woman don't have pockets.


Redditor000007

FALSE: Women don’t exist


Tough_Patient

Rule #1 of the internet, broseph!


Redditor000007

Oh I’m a girl, but at this point I’m just rolling with the meme lmao


Tough_Patient

Don't be ridiculous. Everyone knows there no girls on the internet. Rule 37 by the current numberings.


MonsterBeast123

You are not a girl. You are just a guy with long hair


CmGeezuz

At least put it on vibrate first.


Thisguygotit

Yeah we don't wanna get disturbed by that asshole ringtone


ThePowerOf42

Does bleaching your asshole first count as changing your ringtone then? 🤔 Asking for a friend


UnpurePurist

r/BrandNewSentence


unknownzidd

why you must use that emoji


ThePowerOf42

Im just smellin where my finger where last 😏


Commissar_Genki

Ring ring ring ring ring, banana-phone...


SpeckiSS

Humorous wise there's more potential


jeexbit

it took me 20 years to get that song out of my head.....


Commissar_Genki

My cellular, bananular phone!


SHOTbyGUN

How old are you? I bet at least 40yo.


Commissar_Genki

32, so basically 120 years old by Reddit standards.


SHOTbyGUN

I remember bananaphone being a internet meme before I got my own internet. So I thought you were older than I am. But apparently we are same age 🤗 I guess you are superior in internet history tho.


Commissar_Genki

I was not a well-adjusted child.


Icy_Breadfruit4198

I’m 27 and understood the reference


robertscott44

*yawns* Good morning, reddit.


19GamerGhost95

I’m too afraid of breaking my screen with my fatass to put it in my back pocket


ms_movie

But when I put it in my front pocket, it pokes my belly. We are in a lose/lose situation.


SendNakedNudesThx

Solution: belly button piercing with a chain to hold a pouch to hold your phone. Problem solved.


19GamerGhost95

Better solution— fashion designers need to stop thinking tiny or no pockets for women is good and start making them bigger and slightly lower on the thigh instead of on the hip so they can actually hold things. Fake pockets are a thing and they are evil


SendNakedNudesThx

Now there's a protest movement I could get behind.


19GamerGhost95

LET THE POCKET REVOLUTION BEGIN!


SendNakedNudesThx

So I was searching for a photo to help start the revolution. You know, jeans with fake pockets we could put an "anti" sign over or something. Well, I didn't find much for that, but what I did find was [this](https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0035/6266/8141/products/InstaHot-Back-Zipper-Light-Blue-Denim-Jeans-Pocket-Pants-Women-Sexy-Straight-Trouser-2018-Autumn-Winter_1200x1200.jpg?v=1557354415). And that's when I knew what an uphill battle this would be because they already have jeans specifically designed for easy asshole pocket access. We're too late... we're too late.


19GamerGhost95

NOOOO! Oh fuck no! Seriously? That’s it. We’re doomed as a species. We already were, but damn this just takes just takes the fucking cake.


MoxxiPoxx

Thanks... I hate it.


HalforcFullLover

I support a woman's choice to buy clothes with real pockets.


OkPhotos

I have yoga pants with pockets like you're describing and they're fucking sweet. I can get my ENTIRE phone in there and there's a whole second one on the other side?! Basically [this](https://ae01.alicdn.com/kf/HTB1XVX3XE_rK1Rjy0Fcq6zEvVXat/Gym-Leggings-Black-And-White-Sexy-Women-Yoga-Pants-High-Waist-Sport-Leggings-with-Side-Pocket.jpg).


SprinklesFancy5074

How is it that every pair of pants designed in the last 10 years doesn't already have a pocket perfectly designed to put a smartphone in? Like, that should be a universal feature of all new pants these days. Even my men's cargo pants don't have a pocket that suits it perfectly. Ass pocket is too hazardous from sitting on it, hip pocket is a bit too small and has poor retention, side cargo pocket is too big and it rattles around in there. What the fuck, clothes designers? Are our clothes designed by lizard people? How do they have no idea what people want to put in their pockets?


19GamerGhost95

I think it’s because of bags/purses, jackets with big enough pockets and hoodies and similar things. So many people carry a bag or purse with them these days that fashion people just don’t even think of the functionality for the average person. Or maybe they’re just soulless demons that enjoy making people suffer with finding places to keep our phones?


letsmoseyagain

The designers are in with the handbag people. They intentionally don't put pockets in pants so we have to buy a bag, too. On another note, I carry my phone in my back pocket while I am working all day. It's the only one it fits in. I am not worried about sitting on it because my phone has literally been run over by a car before and it was fine.


Vnecktrev09

Nah you gotta be reasonable at least. You could perhaps carry some sort of satchel around everywhere. Have you considered that?


SandwicheDynasty

Not to derail by isn't fatass different from fat ass or should they both be separated. I feel like I can hear the difference but haven't actually checked the grammar.


SendNakedNudesThx

I mean, let's be honest here, most women's assholes are likely bigger than the ridiculously small pockets on their jeans.


Uncle480

"Babe, can we try jean-pocket tonight?" "No! I said I don't ever wanna try that!" "But babe, I heard it's *so tight* that it feels *completely* different! I'll go slow, and use plenty of lube!"


SendNakedNudesThx

And on that day, there in the Reddit comments, a new kink was born.


Kalelssleeping

Oh, sure, you are going to tell me you haven't fucked a jean pocket before? Like you have never dropped dong in a front pocket and let your girl throw that little floss dance your way? alright....


AICPAncake

Jean dong ditch is the new eating ass. Change my mind


putlotioninbasket

True


SendNakedNudesThx

Right, so the way I see it, we either need to get women bigger pockets OR provide them all with a free set of S, M, L, and XL butt plugs they can use to increase their carrying capacity over time.


mikeisreptar

Just like middle school when kids used tapers to gauge their ears.


Baconshapes

I can see how your mind instantly went from buttplugs to middle schoolers, like bread and butter they walk hand in hand.


Feitan-de-la-Portor

This one officer 👮‍♀️


forwhatandwhen

Why you bringing middle schoolers into this?


SirFireball

Everyone needs pockets...


Analdestructionteam

Why not both?


SendNakedNudesThx

So bigger pockets to store bigger butt plugs? Genius!


Analdestructionteam

I was going to use bigger butt plugs to store bigger pockets in my butthole


ucantknow

Very true - I’m pretty sure the anus can get up to like 7 inches, unscathed


ieatyouryeet445

Prison pocket is the best human storage place.


masivatack

Poop pockets


Uranusisaflytrap

TIL I’m a hoe


FartsWithAnAccent

Just put it in your butt. ^(Problem solved!)


MegaGrimer

My butt isn’t big enough


Schrutes_Yeet_Farm

Not with that attitude


FartsWithAnAccent

Get a smaller phone? ^(Bigger butthole?)


Noob_DM

We can make it bigger


MegaGrimer

My anus is ready


StopReadingMyUser

"First you gotta take it, fold it in half, then SHOVE IT UP YA BUTT" #AHAHAHAHA


gonzolove

Me too! And I always thought it was because the front pockets on girl pants are big enough for a breath mint and that's about it.


SendNakedNudesThx

It might be hard to accept it right now, but it'll get more natural with time. Just keep your chin up, your head held high, and that phone proudly tucked into the back pocket of your jeans.


LumpyTelephone8320

Me too! And all this time I thought I was a rake. The more you know.


nukeguy420

Guess I’m a 40+ dad hoe. Don’t slut shame me.


dydiec

Me too apparently! And I’m a guy…


TheDrunkKanyeWest

Can I have yo numba? Can I have it? Can I have. Yo numba?


Sumeung-Gai

Can I please receive the secret code, that if entered telephonically, will patch me through to you, which means it'll be yo beautiful ass numba?


ManInWoods452

Where’s your boyfriend? Is he getting you Mike and Ike’s?


BeenNormal

A star is born


InflammedGazpacho

Dammit I miss my old Nokia. Nothing could gape like that one.


msm19949

r/HolUp


ohgodspidersno

Is that sub any good?


SprinklesFancy5074

No


KendallMang

No.


-Badger2-

No.


Hard-Hand

No.


easterflight

oh sorry for the interruption but you look like me!


dott535

No


MonsterBeast123

No


deviouslykool

Where else would it go?


cunt_223

Up the asshole obviously


Agreeable-Yams8972

Sure itll stink but a dirty phone is better than a broken one


b-g42

*you know*


Meggston

Put it in a zip lock baggie first


MysticalMummy

It's probably a dude that doesn't realize the phone is probably too big to fit in the tiny front pockets women's pants are made with.


LightSparrow

Even if that’s the case, I still don’t see how back pocket = hoe


throwawaysarebetter

It helps to be a misogynist.


LightSparrow

I get that but what is even the misogynist logic ? It literally makes no sense to me. Back pocket = closer to ass/vagina = hoe?? Makes no sense


whocares33334

So you focus on the ass. It sticks out and draws more attention to the ass. If you didn't want to do that then why not put it in your purse? That's my guess.


donnysaysvacuum

Shit most of the new phones barely fit in men's pockets.


DireLackofGravitas

Purse. The implication that prostitutes don't carry purses on account of never knowing where they're going or how fast they'll need to leave. I mean he's full of shit, but are purses not a thing any more? Everyone here is baffled at the alternative to a pant's pocket.


SWFIRE

My prostitute work outfits literally don't have pockets *(bodycon skirts, dresses, ...)* so his statement is factually inaccurate even before considering purses. I have never heard of that purse logic. Of course prostitutes carry purses or even a big-ass outcall bag.


flavor_blasted_semen

https://i.imgur.com/rmheLmd.gif


X-WingHunter

Yeah how dare you use the pockets for the reason they were created.


ZenkaiZ

Once there was a tweet of a guy calling a woman a slut cause she was wearing pants that fit. Wasn't even tight, they just fit, normal pants that went down to her ankle. Problem was she was thin with a huge ass so he was shaming her because she aroused him.


X-WingHunter

Oh how dare you have a natural body that turns me on im going to shame you for no reason now. That kind of mindset pisses me off. Maybe you should learn to control yourself better instead of being a douche and shaming somebody for something they cant control.


serialmom666

And this is why there are burkhas


nervousfloatyboat

Except those don't help either.


BeenNormal

*assholes


Dukenuketildeth

*phone starts buzzing* Him: you gonna answer that? Her: sure excuse me *starts taking off her pants* Him: oh yeah! Her: *press’s left cheek to answer then right to put it on speaker* Him: What the? Mother: How’s the date going my dear?


Uncle480

*they later have sex* *just before climax* "911, what's your emergency?" **"Oh fuck me"** *thrashing noises* "Get to a safe place ma'am, dispatch is on their way."


Hard-Hand

Wait, dispatch is on their way? Shouldn't dispatch send someone more qualified?


sillyandstrange

Lmfao thank you for this


rmoss20

> >Mother: ~~How’s the date going my dear~~ Good to see you getting along with your sister?


buckzer0

Goddamn I enjoy the comment section of most reddit posts.


emshlaf

Where the fuck else am I supposed to put it?! My front pockets are like 2 inches deep. Not all of us have guy pockets that can fit an entire laptop and a Subway footlong in them, smdh


SingularityPrime

My wife just puts hers in my pocket most of the time.


surrealmiel

I also put my cell phone in this guy’s pocket most of the time.


altonlepage

r/nothowgirlswork


EnochIbis

Exactly. Everyone knows girls don't have pockets.


BananaStringTheory

I'm surprised they haven't invented some kind of phone bandolier like what Chewbacca wears.


SprinklesFancy5074

I'm surprised clothing designers *still* haven't figured out how to make a designated phone pocket.


GeneralSoupy

phone doesn’t fit in the main pocket -_-


Amazing-Shay-45

In most girls jeans the back pockets are the main pocket. Because the front one is tiny or non-existent.


LookingSuspect

That's the only pockets they got lmAo


WhoLickedMyDumpling

uhh I do it sometimes and I'm a straight dude?


[deleted]

[удалено]


WhoLickedMyDumpling

I guess I better start by practicing the good advice up there


Wallace-N-Gromit

Gonna have to join ya buddy, the wife is not gonna be happy.


dianewithadoubleu

You know she a hoe when her head is all flat and metal and her body is a wooden handle


owtlandish

Have you seen womens front pockets? They barely fit an ipod shuffle.


Ravi5ingh

I'm a guy and I put it in my back pocket. Am I a hoe?


ssbbka17

yes


Acceptable_Cable_125

Wow, another post that is not related to r/HolUp


RudeCheese

By that logic most women are hoes. It's not their god damn fault women's clothes don't have good pockets. Or any.


MACK703

Well that was easy


The_Q_Word138

I never understood how those girls don’t break their phones when they sit.


hedidntkillhimselfno

Two words, soft ass


Hamburderler

I feel bad for women, their pockets are so small they can't hold lint..


Just_a_hooman_lol

Me, a female, who wears guys shorts mainly for the pockets: |:


FlinnyWinny

Maybe if women had any fucking front pockets they wouldn't need to put it in their butt pockets


rh_underhill

It tracks with the ongoing logic. -Woman talking to male co-worker: *she's a slut, obviously trying to sleep around with all her co-workers* -with a female co-worker: *She's definitely a lesbian slut, I'mma try to make her switch sides* -ordering a hot dog: *slut! Doesn't she know how it looks when she eats it? (just her, right bro? It doesn't apply to cool bros like us? We look cool and manly with a weiner in our mouths, right bro?)* -ordering a salad: *slut, she's trying to keep her figure because that's what sluts do* -running in the morning in running clothes: *That slut's showing off* -sitting on a bench reading a newspaper: *look at that hot slut, she's trying to get noticed. Whe else would she be doing that in public? Ask her out dude!* -women wearing bathing suits at beach: *Look at all these sluts in bathing suits, swimming and stuff. I bet their BFs are cucks to let them act so slutty swimming in bathing suits at the beach.* -woman breathes: *That was so hot, it means she's thinking about it sex right now*


SluttyGandhi

[Be a lady, they said.](https://vimeo.com/393253445)


spooner248

This sub has crashed and burned


Scallywag328

Puri Puri Prisoner=not a hoe


odraencoded

For the uninitiated (NSFW) https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/563/262/eb3.jpg


PlanWarm7503

Gotta love that middle back pocket.


sandandtears

okay but some female jeans/pants don’t have front pockets :,)


Titanpainter

Where else is she gonna put her phone. I bet her front pockets are virtually nonexistent.


candyheyn

If they gave us big enough pockets (or any pockets) we wouldn’t have this discussion


lurkerlurky666

u already know a dude made this because they get to have larger pockets on the sides that are actually capable of fitting a phone 🥴


Decomposingtrash666

It's because our front pockets don't exist..


CourageousLight

How stupid. Front pockets are super shallow for us girls, what else are we supposed to do?


MeganWasBored

Where the heck are we supposed to put it then


cheeferton1981

Must've been a neckbeard tweet


SummitCO83

Well that escalated pretty fast.


thiccboymexi

Real women put their phones in their shoe I suppose


9Sylvan5

Post aside why do most girls do that? It doesn't seem practical to me. You might break your phone if you sit down, it's easier to get stolen... What's the benefit?


Nyxolith

It's the biggest pocket we have, and carrying a purse for just your phone will eventually lead to having the Mom Purse.


runicrhymes

Many women's pants don't have real pockets on the front--they're literally just fake, stitched shut. If you're lucky you get real pockets but usually not big enough ones to fit a phone in--more like, maybe a tube of chapstick or a credit card.


FlightB52

TIL this is a controversy? I’m a 32 year old dude and I always keep my phone in my back pocket. I don’t like a big clunky phone in my front pocket. I take it out when I sit


faloogaloog

It's the only pocket that it will fit in. Not all of us want to carry a purse all the time. Usually, I have to take my phone out of my pocket and hold it if I want to sit or else it might fall out. Yes it's inconvenient, all the choices are inconvenient. And it's gotten more annoying since phones have gotten bigger. Idk why any younger woman would want a giant phone that you can't use with one hand or keep it with you in anything but a purse.


Magister1995

Then she's definitely a slut-a-roo


Weisdog

Hello boob pockets exist duh


port-girl

TIL using my pockets to put things in makes me a hoe.


TheReverseShock

Honestly not sure why anyone uses back pockets. They're the worst pockets of all. I suppose if they're you only pocket with feminine clothing than there isn't much you can do. TLDR: Cargo pockets for all


FunDat4

Then make the front pockets bigger for women damn


buddyz0108

Have you seen how small woman's pockets are on most their clothing? I mean even men's shorts are getting bad about the lack of pockets. I miss having good cargo shorts that could withstand being in the woods.


PersonThatIsHere

Most pants for women don't even have front pockets


Avacado_Coolio

It’s cause our front pockets are fake bestie 😫🙄


Weird-bitch7904

but like,,,, where the fuck am i supposed to put it????


how_neat_is_that76

Ah yes here we have a meme made by a male redditor who has never touched a female, else they would know their front pockets are unusable at best or some kind of sick joke.


colagero99

They do it because women’s pants have no fucking pockets in front


Portabella420

Not to be that guy but my girl says its because womens pants in general never have front prockets


soundslikeautumn

Where are we supposed to put it? Our non-existent front pockets?


zephyr121

Has the first person ever seen how shallow front pockets are in women’s pants?


Uhlman24

Where else are women supposed to put it? We don’t have front or side pockets like dudes. Half of us don’t wanna carry a purse cuz they get stolen and they’re not super convenient. Putting it in your bra isn’t comfy. Want us to carry it in our hands? But I guess if our hands are busy holding a phone we can’t slap the idiot who says that having it in my pocket makes me a hoe


atlas794

Ok. Video of it please.


mocha-13

The front pockets aren’t big enough and the back are only sometimes big enough.


Repulsive_Dog_

You act like pockets for women exist