Phone inside asshole = Not a hoe
By - LegendaryPPSlayer
You know she's a hoe when she's long, thin, and ideal for digging up weeds.
Where’s a row when I need one?
Probably over in the water sports section. This is the gardening area.
Sir…This is a Wendys
He knew what he said
You can't turn a hoe into a housewife.
I choose wive based on ability to push plow. More meter plow push, unfortunate more lamb father demand in payment. Current wive push plow 80 meter, unfortunate for me I pay extra 4 lamb for such perform.
Such is life in Slavic world. I now go to feed my wife diet of borscht and sauerkraut in order to strengthen wive up and push plow more meter.
I give you 2 chicken and Twix for eldest daughter
I prefer Borscht
Damn this dude broke. At least offer a cow in exchange for another.
Gardening tools also don't make good housewives.
Not with that attitude no
Says you. My shovel loves me more than any woman could.
Is it womens fault tho???
No. Hoes just ain't built for digging holes.
I think you mean more than any woman _has_
As told to us by Dre, Kurupt, and Hitman back in 1999
Guess you’ve never been pegged by one
By a housewife or a garden tool? Do i get double points for “by a housewife WITH a garden tool”?
[Never waste your diamonds on a hoe.](https://youtu.be/nOad0ygv5v0)
FALSE: Woman don't have pockets.
FALSE: Women don’t exist
Rule #1 of the internet, broseph!
Oh I’m a girl, but at this point I’m just rolling with the meme lmao
Don't be ridiculous. Everyone knows there no girls on the internet. Rule 37 by the current numberings.
You are not a girl. You are just a guy with long hair
At least put it on vibrate first.
Yeah we don't wanna get disturbed by that asshole ringtone
Does bleaching your asshole first count as changing your ringtone then?
Asking for a friend
why you must use that emoji
Im just smellin where my finger where last 😏
Ring ring ring ring ring, banana-phone...
Humorous wise there's more potential
it took me 20 years to get that song out of my head.....
My cellular, bananular phone!
How old are you? I bet at least 40yo.
32, so basically 120 years old by Reddit standards.
I remember bananaphone being a internet meme before I got my own internet. So I thought you were older than I am. But apparently we are same age 🤗 I guess you are superior in internet history tho.
I was not a well-adjusted child.
I’m 27 and understood the reference
*yawns* Good morning, reddit.
I’m too afraid of breaking my screen with my fatass to put it in my back pocket
But when I put it in my front pocket, it pokes my belly. We are in a lose/lose situation.
Solution: belly button piercing with a chain to hold a pouch to hold your phone. Problem solved.
Better solution— fashion designers need to stop thinking tiny or no pockets for women is good and start making them bigger and slightly lower on the thigh instead of on the hip so they can actually hold things. Fake pockets are a thing and they are evil
Now there's a protest movement I could get behind.
LET THE POCKET REVOLUTION BEGIN!
So I was searching for a photo to help start the revolution. You know, jeans with fake pockets we could put an "anti" sign over or something. Well, I didn't find much for that, but what I did find was [this](https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0035/6266/8141/products/InstaHot-Back-Zipper-Light-Blue-Denim-Jeans-Pocket-Pants-Women-Sexy-Straight-Trouser-2018-Autumn-Winter_1200x1200.jpg?v=1557354415). And that's when I knew what an uphill battle this would be because they already have jeans specifically designed for easy asshole pocket access. We're too late... we're too late.
NOOOO! Oh fuck no! Seriously? That’s it. We’re doomed as a species. We already were, but damn this just takes just takes the fucking cake.
Thanks... I hate it.
I support a woman's choice to buy clothes with real pockets.
I have yoga pants with pockets like you're describing and they're fucking sweet. I can get my ENTIRE phone in there and there's a whole second one on the other side?!
How is it that every pair of pants designed in the last 10 years doesn't already have a pocket perfectly designed to put a smartphone in? Like, that should be a universal feature of all new pants these days.
Even my men's cargo pants don't have a pocket that suits it perfectly. Ass pocket is too hazardous from sitting on it, hip pocket is a bit too small and has poor retention, side cargo pocket is too big and it rattles around in there. What the fuck, clothes designers? Are our clothes designed by lizard people? How do they have no idea what people want to put in their pockets?
I think it’s because of bags/purses, jackets with big enough pockets and hoodies and similar things. So many people carry a bag or purse with them these days that fashion people just don’t even think of the functionality for the average person. Or maybe they’re just soulless demons that enjoy making people suffer with finding places to keep our phones?
The designers are in with the handbag people. They intentionally don't put pockets in pants so we have to buy a bag, too.
On another note, I carry my phone in my back pocket while I am working all day. It's the only one it fits in. I am not worried about sitting on it because my phone has literally been run over by a car before and it was fine.
Nah you gotta be reasonable at least. You could perhaps carry some sort of satchel around everywhere. Have you considered that?
Not to derail by isn't fatass different from fat ass or should they both be separated. I feel like I can hear the difference but haven't actually checked the grammar.
I mean, let's be honest here, most women's assholes are likely bigger than the ridiculously small pockets on their jeans.
"Babe, can we try jean-pocket tonight?"
"No! I said I don't ever wanna try that!"
"But babe, I heard it's *so tight* that it feels *completely* different! I'll go slow, and use plenty of lube!"
And on that day, there in the Reddit comments, a new kink was born.
Oh, sure, you are going to tell me you haven't fucked a jean pocket before? Like you have never dropped dong in a front pocket and let your girl throw that little floss dance your way? alright....
Jean dong ditch is the new eating ass. Change my mind
Right, so the way I see it, we either need to get women bigger pockets OR provide them all with a free set of S, M, L, and XL butt plugs they can use to increase their carrying capacity over time.
Just like middle school when kids used tapers to gauge their ears.
I can see how your mind instantly went from buttplugs to middle schoolers, like bread and butter they walk hand in hand.
This one officer 👮♀️
Why you bringing middle schoolers into this?
Everyone needs pockets...
Why not both?
So bigger pockets to store bigger butt plugs? Genius!
I was going to use bigger butt plugs to store bigger pockets in my butthole
Very true - I’m pretty sure the anus can get up to like 7 inches, unscathed
Prison pocket is the best human storage place.
TIL I’m a hoe
Just put it in your butt. ^(Problem solved!)
My butt isn’t big enough
Not with that attitude
Get a smaller phone? ^(Bigger butthole?)
We can make it bigger
My anus is ready
"First you gotta take it, fold it in half, then SHOVE IT UP YA BUTT"
Me too! And I always thought it was because the front pockets on girl pants are big enough for a breath mint and that's about it.
It might be hard to accept it right now, but it'll get more natural with time. Just keep your chin up, your head held high, and that phone proudly tucked into the back pocket of your jeans.
Me too! And all this time I thought I was a rake. The more you know.
Guess I’m a 40+ dad hoe. Don’t slut shame me.
Me too apparently! And I’m a guy…
Can I have yo numba? Can I have it? Can I have. Yo numba?
Can I please receive the secret code, that if entered telephonically, will patch me through to you, which means it'll be yo beautiful ass numba?
Where’s your boyfriend? Is he getting you Mike and Ike’s?
A star is born
Dammit I miss my old Nokia. Nothing could gape like that one.
Is that sub any good?
oh sorry for the interruption but you look like me!
Where else would it go?
Up the asshole obviously
Sure itll stink but a dirty phone is better than a broken one
Put it in a zip lock baggie first
It's probably a dude that doesn't realize the phone is probably too big to fit in the tiny front pockets women's pants are made with.
Even if that’s the case, I still don’t see how back pocket = hoe
It helps to be a misogynist.
I get that but what is even the misogynist logic ? It literally makes no sense to me.
Back pocket = closer to ass/vagina = hoe??
Makes no sense
So you focus on the ass. It sticks out and draws more attention to the ass.
If you didn't want to do that then why not put it in your purse?
That's my guess.
Shit most of the new phones barely fit in men's pockets.
Purse. The implication that prostitutes don't carry purses on account of never knowing where they're going or how fast they'll need to leave.
I mean he's full of shit, but are purses not a thing any more? Everyone here is baffled at the alternative to a pant's pocket.
My prostitute work outfits literally don't have pockets *(bodycon skirts, dresses, ...)* so his statement is factually inaccurate even before considering purses.
I have never heard of that purse logic. Of course prostitutes carry purses or even a big-ass outcall bag.
Yeah how dare you use the pockets for the reason they were created.
Once there was a tweet of a guy calling a woman a slut cause she was wearing pants that fit. Wasn't even tight, they just fit, normal pants that went down to her ankle. Problem was she was thin with a huge ass so he was shaming her because she aroused him.
Oh how dare you have a natural body that turns me on im going to shame you for no reason now. That kind of mindset pisses me off. Maybe you should learn to control yourself better instead of being a douche and shaming somebody for something they cant control.
And this is why there are burkhas
Except those don't help either.
*phone starts buzzing*
Him: you gonna answer that?
Her: sure excuse me *starts taking off her pants*
Him: oh yeah!
Her: *press’s left cheek to answer then right to put it on speaker*
Him: What the?
Mother: How’s the date going my dear?
*they later have sex*
*just before climax*
"911, what's your emergency?"
**"Oh fuck me"**
"Get to a safe place ma'am, dispatch is on their way."
Wait, dispatch is on their way? Shouldn't dispatch send someone more qualified?
Lmfao thank you for this
>Mother: ~~How’s the date going my dear~~ Good to see you getting along with your sister?
Goddamn I enjoy the comment section of most reddit posts.
Where the fuck else am I supposed to put it?! My front pockets are like 2 inches deep. Not all of us have guy pockets that can fit an entire laptop and a Subway footlong in them, smdh
My wife just puts hers in my pocket most of the time.
I also put my cell phone in this guy’s pocket most of the time.
Exactly. Everyone knows girls don't have pockets.
I'm surprised they haven't invented some kind of phone bandolier like what Chewbacca wears.
I'm surprised clothing designers *still* haven't figured out how to make a designated phone pocket.
phone doesn’t fit in the main pocket -_-
In most girls jeans the back pockets are the main pocket. Because the front one is tiny or non-existent.
That's the only pockets they got lmAo
uhh I do it sometimes and I'm a straight dude?
I guess I better start by practicing the good advice up there
Gonna have to join ya buddy, the wife is not gonna be happy.
You know she a hoe when her head is all flat and metal and her body is a wooden handle
Have you seen womens front pockets? They barely fit an ipod shuffle.
I'm a guy and I put it in my back pocket. Am I a hoe?
Wow, another post that is not related to r/HolUp
By that logic most women are hoes.
It's not their god damn fault women's clothes don't have good pockets. Or any.
Well that was easy
I never understood how those girls don’t break their phones when they sit.
Two words, soft ass
I feel bad for women, their pockets are so small they can't hold lint..
Me, a female, who wears guys shorts mainly for the pockets: |:
Maybe if women had any fucking front pockets they wouldn't need to put it in their butt pockets
It tracks with the ongoing logic.
-Woman talking to male co-worker: *she's a slut, obviously trying to sleep around with all her co-workers*
-with a female co-worker: *She's definitely a lesbian slut, I'mma try to make her switch sides*
-ordering a hot dog: *slut! Doesn't she know how it looks when she eats it? (just her, right bro? It doesn't apply to cool bros like us? We look cool and manly with a weiner in our mouths, right bro?)*
-ordering a salad: *slut, she's trying to keep her figure because that's what sluts do*
-running in the morning in running clothes: *That slut's showing off*
-sitting on a bench reading a newspaper: *look at that hot slut, she's trying to get noticed. Whe else would she be doing that in public? Ask her out dude!*
-women wearing bathing suits at beach: *Look at all these sluts in bathing suits, swimming and stuff. I bet their BFs are cucks to let them act so slutty swimming in bathing suits at the beach.*
-woman breathes: *That was so hot, it means she's thinking about it sex right now*
[Be a lady, they said.](https://vimeo.com/393253445)
This sub has crashed and burned
Puri Puri Prisoner=not a hoe
For the uninitiated (NSFW) https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/563/262/eb3.jpg
Gotta love that middle back pocket.
okay but some female jeans/pants don’t have front pockets :,)
Where else is she gonna put her phone. I bet her front pockets are virtually nonexistent.
If they gave us big enough pockets (or any pockets) we wouldn’t have this discussion
u already know a dude made this because they get to have larger pockets on the sides that are actually capable of fitting a phone 🥴
It's because our front pockets don't exist..
How stupid. Front pockets are super shallow for us girls, what else are we supposed to do?
Where the heck are we supposed to put it then
Must've been a neckbeard tweet
Well that escalated pretty fast.
Real women put their phones in their shoe I suppose
Post aside why do most girls do that? It doesn't seem practical to me. You might break your phone if you sit down, it's easier to get stolen... What's the benefit?
It's the biggest pocket we have, and carrying a purse for just your phone will eventually lead to having the Mom Purse.
Many women's pants don't have real pockets on the front--they're literally just fake, stitched shut. If you're lucky you get real pockets but usually not big enough ones to fit a phone in--more like, maybe a tube of chapstick or a credit card.
TIL this is a controversy? I’m a 32 year old dude and I always keep my phone in my back pocket. I don’t like a big clunky phone in my front pocket. I take it out when I sit
It's the only pocket that it will fit in. Not all of us want to carry a purse all the time. Usually, I have to take my phone out of my pocket and hold it if I want to sit or else it might fall out. Yes it's inconvenient, all the choices are inconvenient. And it's gotten more annoying since phones have gotten bigger. Idk why any younger woman would want a giant phone that you can't use with one hand or keep it with you in anything but a purse.
Then she's definitely a slut-a-roo
Hello boob pockets exist duh
TIL using my pockets to put things in makes me a hoe.
Honestly not sure why anyone uses back pockets. They're the worst pockets of all. I suppose if they're you only pocket with feminine clothing than there isn't much you can do.
TLDR: Cargo pockets for all
Then make the front pockets bigger for women damn
Have you seen how small woman's pockets are on most their clothing? I mean even men's shorts are getting bad about the lack of pockets. I miss having good cargo shorts that could withstand being in the woods.
Most pants for women don't even have front pockets
It’s cause our front pockets are fake bestie 😫🙄
but like,,,, where the fuck am i supposed to put it????
Ah yes here we have a meme made by a male redditor who has never touched a female, else they would know their front pockets are unusable at best or some kind of sick joke.
They do it because women’s pants have no fucking pockets in front
Not to be that guy but my girl says its because womens pants in general never have front prockets
Where are we supposed to put it? Our non-existent front pockets?
Has the first person ever seen how shallow front pockets are in women’s pants?
Where else are women supposed to put it? We don’t have front or side pockets like dudes. Half of us don’t wanna carry a purse cuz they get stolen and they’re not super convenient. Putting it in your bra isn’t comfy. Want us to carry it in our hands? But I guess if our hands are busy holding a phone we can’t slap the idiot who says that having it in my pocket makes me a hoe
Ok. Video of it please.
The front pockets aren’t big enough and the back are only sometimes big enough.
You act like pockets for women exist