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Noemie_Mathilde

Omg I was literally just thinking today about how much I hate the term "withholding sex". 😣 It implies the sex belongs to the man and you're snatching it away. Rather than the truth: he needs to prove himself in all areas of life to be WORTHY of sex from you. The sex on the 3rd date rule needs to be renamed the "Man needs to work hard to prove himself worthy of sex rule".


Noemie_Mathilde

Also those orgasm gap surveys never think to factor in the fact that there are women who fake orgasms in bed. If they're faking it in bed they're probably lying on the survey---all 40% of them.


Noemie_Mathilde

Huge fan of the scent theory. Also not a fan of hormonal birth control.


luvmyvulvaxoxo

I think a lot of women get really close, think they’re having an orgasm and never do too.


adalovelace1793---

There is nothing more satisfying than being a pickme in recovery denying a ZVM sex... lo and behold, he seemed to foam at the mouth. Haha, die mad, loser 🤣🤣🤣


No-Adagio-1572

Men still think that they are entitled to women bodies for doing the bare minimum and most often not even that. Just because you took me out to dinner how does that entitle you to sex? But even more infuriating is men that act like asking for nudes is normal ( which it never is) but doing that while knowing a women for not even one week? It’s just shows are lack of respect for women and that they see us as sexual objects for pleasure and nothing more. One good way to see if you are sexual compatible with a men without sleeping with him in my opinion is seeing how long he talks to you without bringing up sex. That may sound weird but really try to get an understanding if he is interested in you as a person and not only you as a way of quick sexual gratification. If a man gets sexual quick that’s a red flag he shouldn’t even be comfortable doing that when he just gets to know you.


ComprehensiveAmoeba9

Yes if they bring up sex or ask about your sexual history too early on, block and delete. I’ve also been burned in the past by men who didn’t bring up sex in conversation but would arrange the date to suggest the possibility of going home with them later in the night. I had a guy ask me out on a second date where we were to go to dinner and see a movie but when he made the reservation for the restaurant it was not until 8pm! I asked him why so late and he claimed it was because he thought I wanted lots of time to get ready after getting back from work at 5:15. Makeup and hair was already done and the commute was only 15 minutes. We ate at the restaurant and then he suggested going back to his place to watch a movie on Netflix (lol) since it was going to be very late afterward if we went to a theater. I’d already known him through friends for a few months so I didn’t think much of it but looking back now, he was 100% wanting to get laid. Men like that are smart and know what they’re doing. He knew I wasn’t going to sleep with him right away so he faked all this effort and treated me like a potential girlfriend until I slept with him🚩


Practical_Appearance

I once mentioned to a group of friends that generous men are more likely to be generous lovers as well. Suddenly at the end of the evening all the guys wanted to cover the entire bill for everyone. Men have fragile egos 😂


Illustrious_Dream751

This is a great tip, noted 😆


greatcathy

Lol


sandwich-badger

I see you there, posting the pod in time for us ladies across the pond to listen with our coffees in hand 🥰


ComprehensiveAmoeba9

Before I found FDS and learned about the three month rule, I thought I owed a guy sex if he paid for our dates and put in the bare minimum of effort. Just because they treated you right doesn’t mean you should be obligated to sleep with them. Plus, once LVM get what they want from you, they either dump you or their facade begins to crack and they’re no longer on their best behavior. Looking back, if I applied the three month rule to my past relationships, I would’ve weeded out the scrote’s and wouldn’t have wasted my time with shitty situationships. You’ll also weed out a lot of the pornsick fuckboys and PUAs this way. Also during the three month waiting period of getting to know someone, refrain from any alcohol and do not accept “drink dates” and avoid coming over to his place. Alcohol lowers inhibitions and make you do things you will later regret!


NotYourCirce

Yes! I’ve mentioned this before a while ago, I’ve had the same experience with men with deeper voices: they’re bigger. I pick my men by smell, sight, and sound!


pickmieshaexorcist

“Post nut clarity” doesn’t exist for the most part. It’s only a thing because men insist on bedding women they actually hate because the quest for sex trumps all. Professional athletes don’t want wives because they crave some kind of special emotional and sexual connection with a woman despite being community dick. They do it because they want the labor, child rearing, family management and social status that wives provide. And yes, sex on tap when they can’t secure strange.


Platipus6

Post nut clarity is another form of blatant misogyny. As if he had sex with an unattractive woman and "sobers up" and sees how horrible she is and leaves. As if she deserves his disgust. As if he only touched her because he was blinded by horniness. More like it's post-coital tristesse : feelings of sadness, anxiety, agitation or aggression after orgasm. In men it's probably because they've watched so much depraved porn they feel disgusted with themselves for what they've just done, and it crosses over into bed with a real woman. Then of course blame the woman.


pickmieshaexorcist

Totally, like we can all relate to kinda regretting some experiences like they said on the pod. But when I see men describe “post nut clarity” as feelings of extreme rage, disgust and even impulses to commit violence (!!) against the poor woman sleeping in bed next to them, misogyny is the only explanation.


rlcute

I've seen too many screenshots and read too many testaments of men saying they felt murderous after nutting. And it predates modern porn. Goes way back to the 70s.


daisy_0720

I think 'post-nut clarity' *is* a thing, but only with pornsick men. Due to all the depraved content they're viewing online, they come to associate orgasm with disgust and revulsion and then extend that to real-life sexual situations where they feel contempt for the woman they've just slept with. Healthy men who have a healthy attitude to sex are only going to feel *closer* to their partner after sex, because they do not associate their orgasm with feeling dirty and ashamed. These are the men that love to cuddle after sex, and will want to talk to their partner, to stroke her hair, to fall asleep with her in his arms. I've never watched porn and after climaxing, I feel a warm, contented, glowy feeling because I've not conditioned myself to get off to rape, violence and depravity. EDIT: Can't wait for the pornsick coomers to downvote this, lol.


the_bigbadbitch

S/o Reaux's jokes about love languages! "Blood sacrifice is my love language" made me spit out my coffee 😂


Big-Paleontologist13

it’s interesting, the love languages book that comes up in these podcasts sometimes was initially created for struggling marriages, husbands & wives who had been together for YEARS, had kids, mortgages, etc & who’s marriages are falling apart, the book asked each person to decipher which of their love languages was their prominent preferred through tests etc on how they felt loved. there is no such thing as having 1. it is a mix of 5.it’s being used and misunderstood these days, this book was never meant for single or dating people. this book should only be used for marriage counseling purposes.


JesusisKingisLord

Great point on the author’s intentions!


LogisticalConundrum

On Birthday Sadboy, I totally had an ex who would reassure me about things, saying he was okay with something and then would go back and 'pull the rug out' afterwards. And he totally did turn out to be a full on abusive piece of shit. That's one of those red flags that merits an immediate dumping.


Okami-Sama19

You girls are beautiful!! I always find comfort listening to you queens<3


Platipus6

So true, men don't fall in love by having sex. They all tell on themselves by saying they need consistent sexual access in order to stay. If they don't get sex they'll leave. Meaning they're not even interested in a relationship. The three month rule is perfect for weeding out men who will leave as soon as anything in life happens, especially childbirth and cancer.


Inside_Inside_8610

Aren't husband's six times as likely to divorce a wife who has cancer, than vice versa?


[deleted]

Tonight I got told by a guy that I’m “not the woman for him” after I wouldn’t have sex with him after three FUCKING DATES. After explicitly stating in my dating bio that I don’t rush into intimacy. The Asshole planned dates around getting me back to his place to make out, always probably hoping it would go further. Then got irritated when I tried to get to know him better by asking him questions about himself because I need an emotional connection before I’ll even make out too much with someone. He felt like I wasn’t just “taking things easy” and I made our dates feel like “an interview” just because I was showing a fucking interest in getting to ACTUALLY KNOW HIM. I drove a fucking hour home from my job, then an hour and a half to meet him for a date that was two minutes from his place, where he also works from home. All so that he could get me back to his damn place to try to get more of a chance to just have sex. MEN ARE FUCKING PIGS. I then proceeded to watch a couple real life murder mystery’s (because I find them strangely cathartic) only to see one where a guy fucking brutally tortured and murdered the mother of his newborn child because she was upset because he was cheating on her with two other women behind her back while she was home with their newborn baby. And then another one where the man murdered his wife and daughters so that he could be with his new mistress. ALL MEN CARE ABOUT IS SEX. They will kill women for it. They will lie, cheat, beat, steal, deceive do ANYTHING for it. They have zero decency - zero souls - zero love. I’m done with all of them. They can all rot in fucking hell. And every single woman needs to rise up against them and start looking out for each other damn it.


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Illustrious_Dream751

This was one of my favorite episodes so far! I burst out laughing multiple times at work and when my coworkers asked me what was so funny I had to try and play it cool, "just this podcast" "really? What podcast?" "oh um... I don't want to say" 😰


One_Bat_2525

I’ve laughed out loud multiple times with the podcasts. I recall one of the earlier episodes talking about a dick that looked like a haunted house with an overgrown yard (or something to that effect) and I was in tears with laughter. Had to make up some BS story to my coworkers that day 🤣


Noemie_Mathilde

Anyone else researching custom blended signature scents now? Mmm 🌸🌹🌷


[deleted]

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Noemie_Mathilde

I quite like the random tangents


glowmilk

I find it so strange when men talk about “sexual compatibility” and the need to discover it early on. These type of men usually have a long list of kinks and things they want the woman to do in the bedroom. Meanwhile, if you ask them about what they’re looking for in a relationship they’re dead silent. What they’re saying is that as long as they’re having sex, they’re happy. They don’t care about your values, goals, interests and how compatible they are with his. They don’t care about whether your lifestyles are even suited or not. Like, why even say you’re looking for a relationship in the first place? They’re pretty much just looking for a friend with benefits who quickly latches on and moves in with them.


throwaway_head_ache

I found this episode hard to listen to, anyone else? It seemed like a lot of pseudoscience with no references


GiraffeLibrarian

It might be helpful if the pinned post designated to episode discussion included links to anytime they say that there are studies to prove X, Y, and Z.


Inside_Inside_8610

What was the pseudoscience?


throwaway_head_ache

This is going to be long and the disclaimer is that these things may be true, but there's no links to studies, articles, etc. In other times they say “in my experience,” or “I’ve seen,” or “I’ve heard,” or something to ensure you know it’s anecdotal but all this talk of studies, articles, specific psychiatric diagnoses and biology seems like it needs sources. If it’s factual, referencing the specific studies and their validity is going to increase the support for your claims and make the podcast and the advice more legitimate. 20:28 – “There’s actually studies showing that like with men like the idea of having a novel partner like they’ll get the hardest boner or something like that when they have sex with a woman for the first time. And they tend to be better at it when they’re emotionally invested in you” 21:55 “So even in cases where you go on to have a relationship with them, often they just seem to see you as less valuable and give less of a shit about you if you have sex on the second date.” - I think she’s referring to her anecdotal experience, but saying this like it’s fact is questionable 23:50 “And there’s been studies … I’ve seen posted on the subreddit where it shows that a lot of people who are narcissistic or who have other kinds of personality disorders or who have general nefarious intentions, it takes about 3 months for them to start to show cracks in the façade.” 24:36 “I mean like, narcissists, sociopaths, and other liars, people who lie pathologically, it takes about 3 months for them to forget the lies that they told you 3 months ago.” 28:56 “The other thing about the 3-month rule is like there’ve been studies showing that um you know for women when you have sex it releases oxytocin and oxytocin is like the bonding hormone and so women tend to get attached to men after having sex. Um whereas with men, there’s almost like the opposite, there’s like post-nut clarity where you know with a guy, if you have sex with a guy and he’s not in love with you he will feel less attracted to you after you have sex with him. [interjection] He almost becomes repulsed by you. Some men have said they almost become disgusted with like the porn they’ve watched or the person they’ve slept with. [Original speaker] Exactly. But here’s the thing, if you wait to have sex with a man for the first time til after he’s in love with you then that post-nut clarity doesn’t really apply. They stay attracted to you because that emotional connection is already there. So yeah it’s kind of sad that our emotional biology is like cursing us in this way. Where you know if you have sex too soon and you’re a woman you’ll feel more attraction toward him and he’ll feel less attracted to you.” 31:12 “I just know that my hormones and my biology are like tricking me into - This is all just like your biology is trying to trick you into making babies. You gotta understand that like your hormones are set up to make you reproduce they’re not set up to make you happy. Evolution doesn’t give a shit about you being happy okay, the only thing evolution gives a shit about it passing on your genetics. [change in speaker] And that’s why we have to adjust dating culture to be more realistic to what’s true or at least consistent for the average woman. Because I remember reading an article um and I think it was Kaitlyn Roper on Twitter who had retweeted this and she was writing - it was basically an article that had been written in one in one of those women’s magazines like Elle or Allure or one of those magazines and it was like how not to catch feelings after a hookup…” 32:24 “It’s better to me to honor and work with your biology than to constantly and to change the culture to work with our biology better than to constantly be trying to fit ourselves and shape-shift into this like aspirational ideal that we can all just hook up with no feeling about it, right?” 43:33 “If you look at things like the orgasm gap…” I’ve heard these stats too and they do mention the date, but just link the study. 44:07 “I’ve got the stat here from a 2012 study by the American Sociological Review…” Perfect! 48:39 “Their brains are different than ours.” 59:16 “I’ve read that women’s olfactory glands or whatever, it’s actually very sophisticated and perhaps designed to help us smell out genetic compatibility… the bad news is that birth control disrupts that significantly. So if you’re taking birth control - they’ve done studies actually…” 60:30 “I’ve heard that women have a better sense of smell or more sophisticated olfactory system because of pregnancy and you know how when women get pregnant certain smells will be really really repulsive? It’s been theorized that this is so women can smell if there’s spoiled food or something like that...Fun fact.”


Ok-Performance5997

Not really pseudoscience, more like cherry picking I think?


throwaway_head_ache

Thats probably the better word for it


throwawayaccount0580

I worry about that kind of thing, because it affects credibility, and I very much want the show to be credible, as I agree with the overarching themes.


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