Why do people think its okay to shame those with an ED? The world is so fucked.
By - pacertest1
Eh, I self-harm and there is a lot of ignorance around that and the reaction I've gotten from people including family and therapists hasn't been sympathy or empathy, it's been annoyance, horror and indifference. There's a lot of stigma and misconceptions about mental illness in general, it's better than it used to be but there's still a very long way to go. But I'm really glad the internet exists and we can all be there for each other even when the rest of the world isn't.
That was my thought as well. People definitely make fun of self harming, even suicide attempts. It’s hard to open up about it because it’s something a lot of people can’t wrap their head around (even if they themselves do things that are self harming such as alcoholism or dangerous behaviour, I think it’s somewhat in human nature but in different forms and extent), and their initial reaction can be disheartening.
yeah the reaction i’ve seen from most people is major contempt and thinking you’re stupid for doing it. and my family was primarily angry with me for it. a big reason i don’t want them to know about my ed bc i’m sure their reaction will be pretty similar
God I WISH tons of people didn’t think cutting was funny. But yeah... trust me that’s a much more common thing than you think. People are so fucked
I think a lot of it comes from ignorance and/or a little bit of sexism. Since the stereotypical ED sufferer is a teenage girl people assume that EDs exist ONLY for looks. If that’s your reason then valid and same but there are other reasons EDs exist such as coping mechanisms and having control over something.
People think just saying “oh you look great” is a cure-all, or “just eat” because to them eating isn’t hard. They think it’s a switch we can turn on and off.
As I said earlier the stereotype is a teenage girl, and society views teen girls as dumb and dramatic. Seriously, everything popular with teen girls gets made fun of to hell and back. And there’s no doubt every problem we have gets chopped up to puberty, hormones, periods, or just plain attention seeking.
This is so incredibly well said, thank you
\^this Although not ED related I seriously recommend everyone here read the poem When I say we are all teen girls by olivia gatwood because it just sums it up perfectly
I think it comes from all these very special episodes, after school specials, and ED lifetime movies where people go to recovery or have an intervention and then they get cured at the very end. People don't realize it's a mental illness like schizophrenia or something they think it's something you're deciding to do and as soon as you realize you're being weird and stupid you'll stop.
My parents do comment (apparently out of intense concern) when they see that people probably have an ED but they think it’s ok because I am in recovery. I’ve explained to them that it’s not okay and at worst it just triggers and insults me at the same time. I have kind of given up because it’s hard to get them to understand that pretty much any negative comments on anyone’s weight is shaming.
My parents do the same thing, they think insulting thin women or just women with thin legs (since I mentioned one time that having big thighs is a massive insecurity of mine) is helpful. It's not, it's just a reminder that people like to look at and negatively judge other random people's bodies.
Aside from the fact that it's totally tactless that he commented on the possible ED in general, who the fuck says shit like, "she's flatter than you" to their kid? That's really fucked up.
Yeah he's uh, not the greatest sometimes. Looks are huge for him, and he is definitely one of the sources of my ED, but at least now I'm recognizing it:) thanks for even pointing it out, the validation helps haha
I was molested my whole childhood by this man, and I didn't think it would have any repercussions but only after my release from the hospital did I realize how bad it affected me. Treat your traumas
It's not even just that, but learning how to call people out for their shitty comments is so liberating. Whenever I hear racist jokes and I call people out on it, I hear, "it's just a joke".
Really? So what if I joked that your wife/husband/spouse or whatever is a cunt, and you took offense to it, but I said it was just a joke? Doesn't feel very good now, does it?
People getting called out on their shit eventually learn that it's not okay, or it's not okay in your presence, anyway.
Thank you for this post. I don’t suffer from an ED, but I am recovering from self harm and I see so many similarities. Do you think most people with an ED use it as both a controlling force and a way to cope? I have cared for a few with AN, and listening and learning from this community is so insightful. Your bravery, and the people who post here, have taught me so much. Hearing all of the things that you guys have to say will hopefully make me a better provider as well and a more empathetic person in general.
I’m sending all my love, and as for your dad, I hope he understands what a personal thing weight is. Nobody should comment on anybody’s weight, regardless of whether they have something good or bad to say. Much love once again. Even when I lost xxx pounds, I found it gross how much people wanted to talk about it. It was like I suddenly had more worth because of it. It disappoints me that people assign worth and also disgust based on a trait that has nothing to do with who you are as a person....
As Mary Lambert said:
Your sexiness is defined by concentric circles within your wood
It is wisdom
You are a goddamn tree stump with leaves sprouting out
Thank you so much for such a thoughtful reply, how incredibly thoughtful of you. Even though you say you don't have an ED, you can emphasize as if you do. I have so much respect for you. EDs are definitely both methods of control and coping, and it sucks because people don't see the severity of it all. But thanks to people like you, there is a paved path to recovery :)
Mental illness in general is very well misunderstood and made fun of. I called my bf the other morning when he was with his friends and I had noticed that he hadn't come home yet and then I heard his friend in the background making fun of me. I have a habit of calling my boyfriend because of my bpd. I am often worried that he is injured, at the police station, with another girl or whatever. In this case however I wanted to know if he had fallen asleep there, or if the party was still going at 6am, which it was.
They know I have bpd and this fear of abandonment. So why make fun of it? And we had just that evening had a good talk about my ED, since it was the first time I was outside with friends since I was released from the hospital. And then he goes and treats me like a dick.
Yeah, even DR’s and therapists have been rude as fuck when it comes to BPD, once I activity diagnosed changed from Bi- polar the way I was treated was so much different and worse. Fucking sad and pathetic.
Yeah this is so true. And I'm sorry this happened to you too. People are so much harsher on you once they see "Emotional Unstable Personality disorder" on your chart.
This is just a funny story, that took me by surprise, when I was in the psych ward I had a good relationship with this one girl and we were pretty open about our struggles. But one time I mentioned by the by that I had BPD and she, I shit you not, just left the conversation and never really talked to me again. Well she tried to talk to me after she moved wing, but I wasn't having it. Later on she gave me two cigarettes (I guess to say sorry), but bitch I never forgave her. I was cold to her after that.
Wow!!! I’m so sorry. ❤️