[OC] A dumb, fun magical item: The Deck Against Humanity
By - iCeParadox64
Can’t wait for “Bees?”
I'm a little concerned about Oedipus complex
Especially so if the edgy rogue is the one drawing. He might take a multiclass into wizard for.
[Not the bees!](https://youtu.be/EVCrmXW6-Pk)
Player: Oh it’s just Bees
Me: The clouds part as light shines from the heavens, twisting and churning into the form of 6 Giant Celestial Bees, they look upon the party and make a *beeline* for you. Roll initiative.
This is a dumb idea my friends and I had like a year and a half ago, I figured it'd be fun to share on reddit.
Here's a few CAH white cards and ideas for their effects, absolutely feel free to share your own!
**Morgan Freeman's voice.** The voice of Morgan Freeman can be heard inside your head. He will interject at random times, and while he is not omniscient, he will attempt to guide you toward what he believes to be the right choice in applicable situations.
**The KKK.** A large group of Ku Klux Klan (or the game world equivalent) members appears. Any nearby creatures of the race(s) they don't like will most likely be attacked on sight.
**The Tempur-Pedic® Swedish Sleep System™.** A mattress materializes in front of you, and your body acts on its own as you lay down on it. You fall asleep immediately, and it's the deepest, most comfortable sleep you've ever had. Absolutely nothing can wake you for the next 8 hours. Upon waking up, you are immune to exhaustion for the next 24 hours.
**Actually taking candy from a baby.** From this point forward, any time you see a young child with candy or any sort of sweets, you will feel an overwhelming desire to take it from them. If you fail to pass a Wisdom(?) saving throw, you will run over to them and do just that.
^(^^^with ^^^a ^^^fixed ^^^typo ^^^'-.-)
Sounds interesting. Perhaps share it on r/d100 you may find some people interested in helping you fill it out.
Edit: to correct link.
> helping you fill it out
...Fill what out? There's nothing to fill out.
With actual effects based on the card drawn? As is you haven’t really presented a magic item, only an idea. “Pull a card from another game and figure it out.”
Yes. Rather than just narrating some predetermined outcome, the DM uses their imagination, potentially allowing one card to have a completely unique outcome for each group it's played in. The DM's interpretation could tie into an inside joke, a reference to something the group enjoys, or even a character's backstory, or some in-universe event.
I personally think this would allow for some very fun times. If you think differently, that's your opinion.
I don’t mean to say what you have here is bad, I often do off-the-cuff stuff. I’m just letting you know what the above commenter was getting at
Thanks guys. Yes that's correct. I saw what I assumed was a bare bones idea and offered the R/d100 group as a suggestion. They might be interested in helping you get 100 ideas of different effects from pulling a card.
I see from your reply you intended something different.
I read that entire thing in Morgan's voice upon reaching that part of the comment, and now I can't stop... Anyone got a Remove Curse spell handy?
Actually, on second thoughts, never mind, I could get used to this...
My friend’s favorite card “seppuku” offers a nice risk…
[Party takes turns drawing cards]
Ranger: " I got 'Crippling debt.'"
Barbarian: "A windmill full of corpses."
Artificer: "Ooh, 'an unhinged ferris wheel rolling toward the sea' for me!"
Bard: "I drew 'breeding elves for their priceless semen,' and no, I'm not trading with any of you."
Dm: : "nothing has changed "
My last DM actually had a session in a dreamscape arena, where she pulled CAH cards to see what enemies we'd fight. We ended up fighting Oprah sobbing into a lean cuisine, Bees?, and a toddler beauty pageant. It was one of the more memorable sessions I've had!
What are we going to do?
Let's draw a card from the deck against humanity.
"Restoring Germany to it's former glory"
I'd say a long lost empire springs up in a random (or predetermined, depending on how fleshed out your world is) location and it's populated by the first individuals that created the last iteration of it, and "new common" translates/changes the name to "Germany"
That might be an interesting way to generate quest plots actually
We don’t play CAH much anymore, but this could give new life to those old cards almost everyone seems to have lying around. Great idea!
"I got... Daniel Radcliffe's delicious asshole...?"
The Bigger, Blacker Deck of Many Things
"The biggest, blackest dick." Dude, run!
Towards it, right?
The dragon seduces the bard.
*Ancient black dragon attacks the party, and he’s a jerk*
I love this idea. The absurd expansion will lead to a lot weird and crazy things.
"Daniel Radcliffe's delicious asshole"
when the Dwarf draws the card "AXE body spray" and gets exited while the rest laughs
Fixed the name 😉
Deck Unleashed on Man and Beast.
To translate to in-game effects, wouldn't the black cards be a better option? The answer cards contain more tangible things for the DM to interpret;
"A large, dark skinned Orc by the name of D'ikk aproaches"
"A larger, darker skinned Orc by the name of D'ikk also approaches"
I am an idiot... The white cards are the answer cards.
Black cards are prompt cards.
Having double checked, I can confirm that I am indeed, an idiot.
.....Shoot I still need a Cards Against Humanity game....
My two favorite CAH cards are “wheat” and “AIDS”
Wonder how those would play out
*Draws "Her Imperial Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the Second"* spawns in a level 20 oath of the Crown Paladin in the visage of the queen.