T O P
supersecretburner21

The body pillow part :(


randomguyandaccount

I joke and call it her boyfriend. And we laugh, and I cry harder inside.


fortworthbret

I call hers "the shield".


MattSomething44

I call hers the AMD, or in full, the Anti Marriage Device


[deleted]

[удалено]


randomguyandaccount

That's it. And if you're like me, every time you talk about it, it gets harder and more demoralizing to do so again. I share your sorry. I'm sorry too.


Sabre9839

Sometimes it works?? I can only wish for that often.


[deleted]

[удалено]


randomguyandaccount

I tried, but body pillows just don't do it for me.


[deleted]

[удалено]


randomguyandaccount

Im not sure how that would be taken. My money would be on a sad smile, but im not sure I really want to place the bet.


creamerfam5

Really? C'mon.


AnrianDayin

at least you still sleep in the same bed...


bigbaldbilly73

I(HLM) suggest separate beds from time to time and she gets mad. Like I am asking for a divorce level of angry. For me separate beds isn't even about the sex, it is because we enjoy different types of mattress, a sleep number we bought was great but it broke a week after the warranty was up and we just can't afford another b d at that price point again right now.


Moonbeamhomo

It's a back cushion. I have it too, because the majority of us face the outside of the bed and its comforting to have a wall at my back. That and occassionally my arms move while sleeping. My elbows are surprisingly dangerous and that pillow prevents me from smacking a bitch awake😂.


geeker99

I don't have a body pillow, but I use two pillows for sleeping. Well, i guess three because there is one under my head. I am a side sleeper. One pillow between my knees to avoid lower backaches, one I'm hugging. Along with nighttime wrist braces to help my carpal tunnel. They serve as physical comfort tools, and they allow me to sleep. I am a terrible sleeper, and if I can't get comfortable, I will be miserable. Even before I had these medical concerns, I could not sleep hugging my husband...dead arm!


threefingersplease

I've wondering myself how one would actually go and find a casual sex partner. Like I'm 38, and I definitely don't need people I know finding me on Tinder or whatever. But then how else could you discreetly meet someone who doesn't want any strings attached. I have no friggin idea. Like even if my wife said, go out and hump as much as you'd like, I have no clue how to do that.


randomguyandaccount

Total mystery, right? I'm sorry you're in the same spot, I hope it gets better.


PTAdad420

Bars and online dating


No-Sir6503

I would never do this but... Probably through going out to a bar with some old friends or some new ones. That way even if someone you know does see you, your either with your boys/gals having fun or just having casual conversations with new people you meet. You might find talking to new people about your situation could open up new understandings of it and how to combat it. Not everything is on the internet. But for me anything over 2 months no sex I end up having a massive fall out with my girlfriend (10 years together) and let it be known that if im not happy I'm definitely not going to stay but that has only happened once.


blackshadow_throw

Adultfriendfinder


randomguyandaccount

I think that's populated with robots.


[deleted]

[удалено]


randomguyandaccount

Sadly in Michigan, far from all that sunshine. Here's hoping for better days ahead for you too!


blackshadow_throw

There are some real people, it takes a bit of time to weed them out though. Tinder is the most convenient, but is also increasingly populated by bots and SPs. Alternatively, one could try Swinger sites/ clubs.


samekielmi

you don't know how to do it because it is almost impossible to do. women as a rule don't want NSA sex with married strangers cheating on their wives...for the sake of this reply i'm trying to imagine what the woman in this scenario might get out of it & i'm coming up with 0.


bigmantumble

This…. Is not even close to true.


samekielmi

where are all these women who want to have a purely sexual relationship with random married men they don't know? what are these women getting out of such an arrangement?


bigmantumble

I can’t tell if you’re actually joking or not but there are plenty of women out there who are engaging in physical affairs with married men solely for the physical aspects. And many of them even claim married men are good choices to engage with because they’re stable and discreet and are experienced in bed and handling relationships in general. I’m not the one saying this. This is from the horses mouth. As to your question of what they get from a solely physical/sexual relationship with a married man? I mean, exactly what anyone gets from a solely physical relationship. Sex. Sex they like. Sex they don’t get at home. Discreet sex. Sex that is emotionally validating for them. Some people (including plenty of women) thoroughly enjoy active sex lives and pursue that. If you don’t believe me check out r/adultery and r/theotherwoman and see how active these groups are. Women like sex too, sometimes with married men.


[deleted]

You cannot use those subs as examples of women who are happy to be in solely sexual relationships with married men. Actually go and read the posts in r/theotherwoman. Every single post for as far as you can scroll is complaining about what they signed up for, because they are struggling to accept, nay are in full blown denial, that they are just sex to these men. Sure you may find one or two women who are 'happy' with their situationship but the majority of them are settling for seconds and hoping to become the main woman. They are resentful of the wives, and it is post after post of how they are emotionally unfulfilled. Side chick and married man relationships are painfully one sided. If you want to keep a side slice, you have to be prepared to bullshit them with excuses and love bombing, because no, the majority of women do not want to be hear 'I just want to use your pussy, no feelings please, you good with that?'.


bigmantumble

It may be less common in the other woman sub but adultery is absolutely applicable if you’ve spent any time there.


[deleted]

Not really. I have spent time there. Quite a lot. Yes the majority of women talk about how good the sex is as passing comments, like an afterthought, but the majority of their comments are dominated by discussing the emotional connection and complaining when their needs outside of sex are not being met by their affair partner. Most of them expect honesty and monogamy. The want a full blown other relationship, not a wham bam thanks mam situation - even if that's exactly what they are, they can't see it because feels won't let them. Women like sex, no arguments there. But to suggest there are plenty of women out there for everyone who are content being used for *nothing but sex*, with no emotional input, is basically a needle in a haystack. Unless you want to suggest a sex worker to OP.


bigmantumble

There’s wayyyyy too many people in adultery and that’s an extremely active sub as is to generalize what their goals are but you can see plenty of posts that confirm what I’m saying. I’ll agree the OW sub is probably more applicable to what you’re saying but many of them still engage in physical only affairs with a man and are lamenting that if anything. There’s so many people wanting different things on those subs, it’s not dedicated to this one specific thing we are talking about so of course there will be examples of people with different goals in their affairs. I was simply pointing out to the other commenter who is quite deluded about women seeking solely physical encounters too, it’s not uncommon and it takes two seconds to look through some posts to see that. Lol. That’s all.


[deleted]

I've been familiar with and seen posts from r/adultery for probably the last 4 years. I spent a lot of time lurker there, I've even posted there. Of course I'm generalising it but I know I'm not far off the mark. There isn't this abundant supply of women willing to have a sex only relationship with a married man. The majority of them want to be respected, they complain about dates being cancelled, texts being left on read etc. I'm not saying woman comfortable with just sex don't exist but they are not as abundant as you're trying to make out here. >physical only It's not physically only to them and that's the point. We are talking about women's perspective on sex and affairs. None of the posts in r/theotherwomen talk about how happy they are in their physically only relationship, because to them, they genuinely believe its more than sex. Sex to them is just what they offer in the hopes of it being returned with emotional fulfillment and they are always disappointed when that inevitably doesn't happen. Sex is their bargaining chip in exchange for emotional commitment. Nothing more. We should do a poll on r/adultery - ladies only - would you start an affair with a man, if he told you from the outset that he only wants to use you for sex? Yes or no. Legit happy to be proven wrong.


samekielmi

of course there's a non zero amount of women who might truly want an NO STRINGS ATTACHED hookup relationship with a random married dude they met online but there's a reason all these men are trying to find such a woman to no avail. a bit bold to claim married men who cheat are "stable and good at handling relationships" when cheating on their wives negates both of these things. "the good in bed" part...i mean a lot of the men on here can't even make their wife that they've been with 10+ years reliably come, let alone a random woman who is statistically less likely to orgasm in a novel heterosexual encounter my point is women can get all the benefits you mentioned by seeking relationships with SINGLE men who don't have to squirrel them away and meet them on a limited schedule. they also avoid the potential fallout of being discovered and labeled a homewrecker. women who act as "the other women" usually do so for more complex reasons than "i'm horny and oh look there's a man"


bigmantumble

You 100% sure about that first part? I could definitely find a NSA hookup within a few hours to a day of posting on certain subs here if I wanted. I don’t but that’s not the point. It’s 2021 and the Internet has made all things available to people and being a married man is not a hindrance in finding discreet hookups. Lol. Believe what you want though. I’m not even the one making those claims lol. The women engaging in these affairs are. Their reasoning didn’t materialize out of thin air, so there’s something to it. But whether you or I agree or disagree isn’t relevant even. You asked what they get. I told you what they said they get. I do agree with your last part though, most of these people would get more fulfillment out of a real mutual loving relationship instead of chasing thrills and easy sex but not everyone even wants that now. It’s not the 60’s anymore. Every year affairs become more normalized and less people care about being called names. So these kinds of things are just becoming more common.


hellohowdyworld

If that’s what you want to do talk to your partner and download feeld. Good app with options and interests and sex positive people


EU-Howdie

Ask her if she ca help you finding someone. It is a very basic need and when she can not or want not to have sex with you, it should be alright when you go looking around for that part of the relation


bulbcheck

I'm laughing at the body pillow arguments, because my LL43m partner hates my body pillow because he says he can't touch me. He hates the dog on the bed because he can't touch me. But when I'm standing naked in front of him, or laying literally skin to skin with him, he won't touch me anyway. So I'm without sex AND without being able to sleep without a pillow. Crap thing is it's a new pillow from recovery from surgery a couple months ago. So now it lives in the closet, cuz we're programmed to do anything for sex even if it's uncomfortable, and even if it never pays off.


randomguyandaccount

So true. We're like hamsters in a lab, desperately pressing that button hoping a food pellet comes tumbling out. I say embrace that pillow, especially post surgery. Ive had a little surgery myself and a chest pillow felt vital during recovery.


No_Scheme_9579

Sounds like every day of my life. It does hurt worse on those special days like anniversaries, birthday’s, etc.


randomguyandaccount

Im sorry you're in the same boat. It's a crummy boat, and it kinda leaks. Ive been taking some small comfort in the fact that theres so many people who sympathize, which is something at least.


[deleted]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. She literally puts road blocks in front of you. Been there


randomguyandaccount

So true. That pillow is like a wall to me. To say nothing of couch situation. I give kisses and hugs and compliments and playful booty squeezes and everything else I can think of. Mostly reciprocated, but then that's as far as things go. From your "been there" Im guessing you're not anymore, so seriously congrats. Im glad it got better for someone.


username12746

You might want to re-think those booty squeezes. This is a turn-off for quite a few women.


randomguyandaccount

I'll stop when she stops lol


[deleted]

No I’m still there. I’m just used to it


randomguyandaccount

Oh noooooo.... That's close to where Im at. It's just... Giving up on ever having a sex life feels awful. So, you know, the cycle continues.


[deleted]

I’m hopeful that maybe it’ll change. There was a period in our relationship when my libido died. He was amazing through it with me. And then we switched. So I’m trying to be as good to him as he was to me. But I don’t know, maybe he was sexting during that time. Definitely was watching a ton of porn (which I have no problem with)


randomguyandaccount

I'd be hopeful too. If he used to have a higher libido then maybe there's a chance. My wife never had much libido and its only gotten worse. I probably should have taken that into consideration more, but I loved her (and still do) and it just didnt seem that important. Now its driving me slowly crazy.


Nuffdiver

I know exactly what you mean. I’ve been with my wife for almost 19 years. I remember thinking early on that the sex should only get better… right? But no, her libido has always been low and it only got worse. Except for when we were trying to have kids.


[deleted]

I get it. Sex is important, sexual intimacy is important. Unfortunately in many marriages the sex dies down. It’s normal. But both people need to want to improve the situation.


randomguyandaccount

Too true, and since she cant even see the problem. Well. Im kinda boned. (In the not-fun way.)


[deleted]

Ain’t that the sad truth


randomguyandaccount

*hangs head. Nods slowly and sadly*


bideaweebaby

Well, you can try talking with her about your emotional needs going unmet, that you have your emotional needs met through physical touch which isn’t just sex, it’s little hugs and things like looking right into a person’s eyes when they talk and holding hands and stuff. She might not really get that you’re not just talking about her manhandling your dangle here, it’s a total package.


Aromataser

A lot of women are not into "playful booty squeezes" Have you talked with her about the issue?


caramelizedapple

I had the same thought. If she is resistant to physical intimacy, these touches might feel pressuring or otherwise unwelcome, and could be making the situation worse, not better. He thinks these are a nice gesture because it's what he would want. Maybe this is not the way to make her feel seen, appreciated, sexy, etc.


randomguyandaccount

She actually started that tradition, it was not part of my usual MO. I dont mind it, but it certainly wasnt a habit I had prior to this relationship.


username12746

Have you checked in with her about this lately? Our preferences can change over time, especially when kids get added to the mix. Do you have kids?


randomguyandaccount

No kids, and really she's the originator and continued perpetrator of the booty squeeze. Always has been and continues to be her move, I reciprocate because its what Ive got.


username12746

Okay, but you still might ask her if she likes it. She likes doing it to you; she may not enjoy being on the receiving end. Doesn’t hurt to ask.


randomguyandaccount

That is a solid and reasonable point.


zombiez87

Im in a situation similar to yours. Luckily she's just a gf and we have no kids, home together or anything that ties us down. Things use to be different but now it's hard to say what exactly is happening. I go down on her she giggles and squirms around and really just shows no signs of being interested. The actual sex part is not pleasurable to me but she seems to like that part. While were having sex if we switch positions she will stop and ask for water, giggle like a school girl and just all around turns me off. It started with me touching her down there and she'd slowly move my hand away and then when I'd ask her why she is doing that, she'd give me some bs excuse about that wasn't what she was doing as if I hallucinated it happening. She did it last night also. So now when we do have sex I can feel she only does it cause she feels I want to. There's no passion, desire or anything on her end. So this is it! I will no longer initiate anything, touch her sexually or anything verbally sexual. I give up! She will be like a buddy to me now. Now I'll focus on myself, saving as much money as possible and starting my business like i planned. From there I'll meet whoever I meet and that will be the end of the situation I'm in now. You deserve someone whos actually attracted to you. There's women out there who will get wet for you and will make passionate love to you. Both of us are selling ourselves short and it's pathetic. I do love my girl but she's put herself in a friend zone and doesn't know it yet. Stop trying to be intimate with your wife because sadly she did the same thing. She's your buddy now. The more you try to be intimate with her and she rejects you, the more your self esteem crumbles. That's what happens to me when I'm intimate with her and I can tell it's only because she feels I want to and it's uncomfortable when it's being done. You need to really decide if this is how you want to live the rest of your life. Im 34, in the gym 4 days a week minimum, working on my finances and credit and plan to be a very good catch within the next few years. No way will i settle for this crap. Neither should you!!


randomguyandaccount

Im sorry to read all that. Though its a bit comforting to know so many of us are in the same boat, it's depressing as well. I wish you the best of luck.


zombiez87

It's funny isn't it.. i come here as well to see others sharing the same or similar misery. Gives me a comforting feeling to know there's people who understand.


No_Scheme_9579

Sounds like my life…. No matter what I do


dead-br-burner

I feel you. My birthday was a few months ago, and I was so sure that it was going to be my big day. I briefly tried to initiate a little makeout session and was rebuffed with a hug and a peck. I made sure to head to bed at the same time and tried to initiate some snuggling, which was akin to cozying up to a dead fish. I at least had a nice book to enjoy until I fell asleep. Our anniversary is about a month later and it was deja vu all over again that night. The last time we were intimate was over 2 years ago, and looking back it was very much a pity f--k. She couldn't wait for me to finish, and fortunately for her I was a minute-man from being so out of practice.


SageIrisRose

pillow wall!


randomguyandaccount

You make it sound fun, now I want to make a blanket fort!


Kohllumbus

Our anniversary was last month. We didn't say anything to each other, she went to bed early, and two days later we had a heart to heart talk, and now getting a divorce. I had enough.


MattyM74

Been 3+ years for me. I gave up awhile ago. I just channeled that energy into cycling, playing guitar and things I enjoy doing. Was hard at 1st but it certainly helped.


Haunting_Serve_2501

Would you find someone els? I think if it hits the 1 year mark for me im done.


MattyM74

Well easier said then done. Going on 24 years of marriage, 4 kids (19-11), mortgage, car insurances, Catholic school tuition, college apartment. Right now… no. There is just too much responsibility in my life to fig that out. Problem is to that I’m in my late 40s and I don’t want to live like this forever either.


zombiez87

Late 40s is young.


CrazyUnhappy8744

I can't imagine going without sex for a year or longer


roc2ud

Try 5


Haunting_Serve_2501

5 years?! How are you still with your partner?? Im closeing in on about 4 months and i hate it😕


[deleted]

[удалено]


randomguyandaccount

Ive had variations of that talk. Trust me, in 15 years I've tried most things. I appreciate the advice though, and I'm sure it would be helpful to some.


kimberlily89

I'm LL. I get super anxious around birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, parties and date nights. It feels like I'm just expected to have sex because society has taught us that is a great time to do it. You might have better results if you just be with her during those times without putting those expectations for her to fill. Let her know you just want to snuggle, flirt, and hangout with NO STRINGS ATTACHED. I personally put a road block up when I feel like my husband is treating me like prey. Why not do nice things all the time instead just when wanting to get laid. (A general statement not directed specifically at you)


randomguyandaccount

I absolutely understand that. Usually, at this point, my attempts aren't much more than some extra kisses when possible, and a little more light back rubbing or something. We do occasionally snuggle, and it usually leads to nothing, so I tend not to try very hard for sex to be honest.


Gurka34068

This advice may or may not be useful to you, but put yourself in her shoes. Instead of focusing on how to achieve more sex, or even on the lack of it, try and view your life from her perspective. Think about yourself as you believe she sees you, honestly, and ask yourself if, in her shoes, you would want to take yourself to bed. If the answer is no, then try working on that. Try addressing and changing the things about yourself that you think would make you a more attractive prospect for her. Even if it has no effect on her or your sex life, you'll be a much better man for it, and it may relieve some of the pressure internally. It certainly did for me. And also didn't help my sex life a damn bit, but I'm still glad I get it. I truly am a much better man for it, and now that I'm finally separating, I believe my next girlfriend will very much appreciate it.


free_username91

Thank you. I feel the same


throwawayBS82BG

I'm so sorry - this is so painful and stressfull :(


vitamin_bbb

Why not leave her?


RoyalRevolution230

Same here - I wss very immediately told "don't try sex just because it is a special date" and that was it. All the efforts down the drain.


WasteVariation1382

Omg come here get my partner for her, they would be such a match. Our anniversary is coming and last y we both forgot. I always ask for sex for my birthday too but nothing.


randomguyandaccount

Lol Great plan, Im sure they'd have a great time not having sex together! I feel you, birthday sex is soooo rare. I wish you luck on your anniversary, I hope it's nice no matter what does or doesn't happen.


Salty-Concentrate-94

The one thing I'd say is, do NOT have an affair. Do not cheat at all. Even just flirting with someone by text, make sure it's fully over first. But I'd personally tell her you can't do this anymore, having intimacy is a huge thing for you to feel connected to her, and if she doesn't want it anymore, then you can't be with her as you can't do it anymore.


THEconstipatedDRAGON

A body pillow as a barrier in bed.........sex barrier


Sweet_other_yyyy

OR a body pillow is just a body pillow. You get used to needing them to sleep when you're pregnant. If you think the body pillow is standing in the way of sex, you're not very observant. I don't know what it is, but it's not the pillow.


randomguyandaccount

It's true. The pillow is not to blame and I rescind all disparaging remarks I made toward it and the body pillow industry. Body pillows can be great.


speederman12

Pretty sure he wasn’t seriously saying the bp was the problem


Sweet_other_yyyy

Do you think so? His reply to me made it seem like he doesn't blame the pillow. However, it seems like seeing the pillow is triggering fresh feelings of resentment. So if he is feeling resentment each time he sees the pillow, it's worth mentioning to his wife. There's no point in him feeling resentment each time he sees a pillow if she's using the pillow as a sleep aid rather than as a physical barrier between them. It's not helpful to get mad over something you think she's thinking without checking to see that she's actually thinking it first.


randomguyandaccount

Lol I honestly have no feelings about the pillow. I don't hate the pillow. Its a rather nice pillow, once you get to know it. Its what the pillow represents that sucks. Sex generally is initiated with some cuddling or snuggling, and the opportunities to do that don't exist.


speederman12

I think there’s a level of truth in her using it as a barrier considering her use of a food tray to stop him from cuddling, regardless of whether or not the body pillow is in her mind just there as a sleep aid it would seem odd for it to ALWAYS be inbetween them when if she had no problem cuddling or being near him in bed she could big spoon it while he big spoons her, I don’t think he blames it ofc but I mean given the situation I’d say it’s a safe assumption she doesn’t want contact in bed w him


spirocorpus

Why do you put yourself through this? Does she give you a ton of money? Outherwise: leave. You can love anybody and be disrespected by any other female just as well. But also have a chance on happyness. You are not just compatible with this female. That is not how humans (over)populated the esrth..


samekielmi

do you know why your wife doesn't want to cuddle with you? fully reflected on why cuddling might not be a pleasant experience for her? the fact that the only thing stopping you from having an affair is the risk involved is pretty concerning. it would of course be devastating to your wife


Scare_D_Cat

As if a complete lack of intimacy isn't devastating to him. Or does that not matter?


samekielmi

who said it doesn't matter? that doesn't mean it's an excuse to cheat and feel 0 remorse outside of the shame you might feel when you're caught and exposed as a cheater why would his wife want intimacy with a man who doesn't consider her feelings enough to NOT cheat on her? it's literally the bare minimum, it involves doing nothing at all


randomguyandaccount

I mean, I've DONE that "bare minimum" for 15 years. And of course I don't want to hurt her, and her feelings are why I haven't. If I do, it will be with utmost care in regards to her not knowing and being kept safe. And even that's assuming I could even meet someone Id feel safe doing that with, which currently feels as likely as seeing a unicorn riding a surfboard while dressed as a llama. And don't ask me where the unicorn got the llama costume. They rented it.


samekielmi

if you cared about her feelings you wouldn't cheat. every cheater thinks they can get away with it; doesn't prevent the devastation and humiliation their partner feels when it is inevitably discovered you only care about getting caught which showcases you don't actually consider infidelity to be wrong. you only fear the shame of getting exposed. if you cheat, you will be intentionally hurting your wife, and you don't care. it's so messed up


sapc2

You're going a little hard on someone who *hasn't* cheated on his wife here. He literally said the reason he hasn't done it is because he doesn't want to hurt her.


randomguyandaccount

It's certainly something I've wrestled with and I haven't done anything in all this time. We definitely all have our own moral demons to deal with. I appreciate your concern stranger and I'll take it under advisement.


iu4dc

"...if i had half a clue how to meet someone safely." same here


EU-Howdie

A suggestion ... when all the high libido person who live with a low libido partner, here in reddit ... when somebody is interested, send eachother a message. Or organise something. For me, personally, I "m too old but when I was 40 or 30 year younger, or even 20 or maybe 10, and in such a situation .... I feel sorry for you and wish you all more, more often and better sex.


MercurialLG

So I’m going through this exact same thing, and exact same years. I try to bring stuff up but it all becomes an argument. Granted she’s going through a lot right now and it’s legit. Before though it’s always something, it sucks really bad but she’s my all my everything and I love her. Sometimes I wish I could turn my switch off and not want it so bad. It frustrates me beyond reason but one day it’ll get better I keep telling myself.


randomguyandaccount

Oh man.. I feel this for sure. Hang in there fellow traveller.


Stralen-Eyes

Maybe SHE has a secret affair and maybe that's she seems to be in constant low libido? Purely speculation. Another proposition is that she never really felt satisfied in bed? Again purely speculation


[deleted]

[удалено]


randomguyandaccount

Yeah, that may work with some but would absolutely not with her.


samekielmi

this is extremely aggressive and coercive...do you really want to force your wife to touch you...wtf


ThrowawayDB314

I think they need to talk about why sex is so unpleasant for her. They possibly need counselling, separately and together. I think realistically OP needs to start preparing an exit, as this sounds more dead relationship than DB.


[deleted]

[удалено]


zombiez87

Jesus, no one can ever cheat on you.. Clearly ![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|joy)


[deleted]

[удалено]


creamerfam5

It appears that your account has a [Reddit-wide shadowban](https://www.reddit.com/r/CommentRemovalChecker/wiki/index). No one can see your comments unless a moderator manually approves them, and if someone clicks on your profile they will see a "user not found" error message. [Click this link](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/360045309012-My-account-is-caught-in-the-spam-filter) for more details.


nospel69757uj

i feel for you man. it sucks


Current-Trifle5360

I feel ya buddy. My libido was also "screaming" at me every night to get it on... and my wife was oblivious and couldn't relate one bit. It scares the hell out of me, but I'm also a little thankful that my own libido has seemed to relaxed a bit. I miss it, but at least I'm not up all night thinking about it.


bdpdbthrowaway

I feel this. On the bright side, my antidepressants seem to have really decreased my sex drive.


Intelligent_Ad_4407

Have you considered sex therapy or general couples counseling?


Anagaz

Sigh, I get this.


Moonbeamhomo

You'll have to make her life uncomfortable. Get rid of the loveseat. Or just decide to leave and make one last outrageous effort. If that doesn't work then ciao. I'm certain that an extrodinary vacation would show little results. With nothing to lose and your mind made up, I would just whip it out and stand in front of the TV punching my porpoise. If that doesn't work, run to the wonderful world of Tinder freedom.


Springfield2016

The talk. Honey, I need some intimacy. I need to feel wanted and desired. I did not marry you to become friends w/o benefits. How do you suggest we fix this? Your rejection hurts me deeply. Why do want to stay married to a man you obviously have no attraction too? This talk should be followed by couples therapy with an intimacy expert. You also need to know if she is LL or just LL for you. There be may someone else scratching her itch but leaving you for him isn't possible. If you don't have a serious talk, this situation will continue. Sometimes it is better to leave. It is much easier to be lonely alone than lonely with someone.


username12746

That talk almost always fails and usually makes it worse.


Moonbeamhomo

That fails because men and women think very differently. They're vicious inside and crave a war, with knitpickicky comments as your walking away. They crave drama and intensity. Belittle them and make them feel human. Crush their confidence and rebuild the romance that originally brought you together. There is a point of going too far, so set some boundary of things you dont bring up such as appearance and weight gains unless they're clearly delusional botox clowns.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


randomguyandaccount

No children here, and honestly I do more than my share of the household work. I've had the conversation with her before and while I got tacit approval to do as I wish, the very act of talking about it was difficult and depressed her. She has a hard time talking about her feelings, or even acknowledging them, so it tends to be a fruitless effort. Ive suggested therapy before and may again, but she's been thru her own round of therapists and really doesnt care for it. It is what it is. I cant change her, I can only control me.