The new Apple Card needs to avoid contact with leather and denim
By - Papa_Smuggles
"Some fabrics, like leather and denim, might cause permanent discoloration that will not wash off."
So it doesnt hurt functionality
It does in the sense that the target demographic wants to be ostentatious over the look of a credit card
And yet it will still become a pretentious status symbol
Thank God, finally my Velcro wallet from 1985 will be useful again!
Nothing beats that ripping noise when you're about to drop some coin
If you want to open your velco wallet without anyone hearing that sound, this guy has a good trick for that:
I'm going to use this trick to make my kids embarrassed for me.
I knew this trick.
From my dad...
Good old secondhand embarrassment
This is the dumbest video that's still funny ten years later.
I've never seen it, but knew exactly where it was going. Still laughed.
Needs more green
Well I'll be damned ill definitely have to give this a try. Thanks for the tip!
Dude I've been laughing for 25 minutes please someone help me
The look on his face in the last seconds always gets me
I show this video to everyone that complains about Velcro being loud. I love it.
Please tell me it's the one with the guy yelling.
Edit: it was.
He's got a bluetooth earpiece, so we're required to take him seriously
I don't have to watch the video to know that it is lmao
The deadpan stare at the camera after the fact gets me every time
I will never not find this funny
“I had a Velcro wallet in a casino. That sound annoyed the hell out of me. Whenever I lost money, and I opened the wallet, it was like the sound of my addiction.” Mitch Hedberg
Dint forget the jangly chain
Maybe it was just me, but there was a period in the mid 2000s where everything was made out of duct tape. I have a duct tape wallet around here somewhere
I remember that. Let that come back again
You're ringing a bell! I remember prom outfits being made out of duct tape.
The main reason you see these is because duck brand duct tape actually runs a scholarship contest with a prize of $10k for a dress and $10k for a tux.
I was going to enter it because I wanted to go to school for fashion (that never happened) and thought it would look great on college applications. Sadly I'm Canadian and didn't qualify.
Is it neon yellow? PLEASE tell me it's NEON YELLOW?!?
Just navy blue, sorry. But I do have a very plastic lenticular Transformers wallet from about that time period. Even has an integrated coin purse.
> Just navy blue, sorry
Like, do you get off on killing people's dreams, or what?
> But I do have a very plastic lenticular Transformers wallet from about that time period
*ALL IS FORGIVEN!!!*
[Thank God for velcro](https://youtu.be/HK5WXSz82F0)
It's 2019. Do people really not own microfiber pants? They're not very fashionable or breathable, but my gorilla glass chair has never been cleaner.
I now want a pair of microfiber pants, just to see what it would be like.
Kif come in here
I've made it with a woman. Inform the men.
The way to a woman's heart it's through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in.
You’re sure it’s a woman this time right?
And I want gorilla glass furniture
We already have microfiber upholstered furniture. Clearly, we need gorilla glass pants.
> I now want a pair of microfiber pants, just to see what it would be like.
I googled it and found "microfiber performance dress pants".
"Performance dress pants" sounds like an oxymoron to me
I've worn those, they're useful for if you're doing something in hot/humid climates that requires professional attire. They breathe better and get less sweaty than wool or cotton.
I don't know about microfiber pants but I have Alcantara underwear.
Apple: Here, try our extremely convenient credit card that will definitely make your life easier.
Me: Cool, let me put it in my wallet.
Apple: Nope, don't do that.
Me: ...Okay...Guess I'll just put it in my pocket.
Apple: No you won't.
Apple: Our products are magical.
Me: I guess I'll just hold it in my hand then.
Apple: ... you do know what leather is made from, right? Put it down.
Me: Why did my credit card bend.
Apple: You were holding it wrong.
Hey btw, apple are selling now microfiber wallets and pants. $300 each
I mean, they are already a fashion company. They might as well sell pants.
[Already got you covered. Apple is always 2 steps ahead of the market. ](https://mentalfloss.com/article/78553/1986-apple-launched-clothing-line)
_Edit_: thanks for the g... Ha, no. [Here's the source imgur album to avoid that annoying autoplaying video. ](https://m.imgur.com/a/qEB92)
r/streetwear kids just tripped over themselves going to find these fits
Dog you're so late. Vintage apple & silicon valley shit was hot in 2014.
Man that was just the comeback, it was poppin in 1987
That was *insert something here* it was the best at 20BC
Augustus Caesar was a real hipster.
okay but those coolers are sexy
Dude, the mouse cover... WTF.
But it’s a mouseterpiece!
I mean all of this stuff looks amazing.
Finally an apple watch that I can afford, neither of which syncs to my Samsung
They knew it since the 80's.... Bastards!
Some of those shirts I would kill for
I'm not even an apple user or fan and some of this stuff looks awesome. Kare's design elements especially are classic
For anyone who is confused by this article, you have to understand that the 80’s were absolutely fucking horrible.
But if they will sell pants, they will remove the pockets so you can buy their Bluetooth AirPocks for $599
Store your spare change in the iCloud
300 bucks for pants?! I cant believe you'd sell Apple so short
You can't get them wet, though.
And it'll cost $299.99 to replace a zip
And careful not to catch your dongle in the zip
Suckers. I'll just throw them out and buy a new pair from Apple.
They really outsmarted themselves on that one.
Yeah try 2k and they only come in medium
2K for the pants, and 1k for the properiatry belt that is required for the pants not to fall down.
The pants are $300, the zipper $150.
You don't need new pants. You just need a wallet adapter.
Surprise you have to have it.
Unfortunatley the pockets are sixty dollars extra. But hey, they look pretty cool.
I honestly think microfiber pants would feel great, although I can't imagine how much that would really cost.
I have fancy microfiber underwear and I'm honestly not a huge fan. Modal is where its at, but that's even more expensive
I have a pair of Uniqlo jeans lined with microfiber for thermal insulation and they're really annoying because the microfiber constantly pulls on my leg hairs
just get silk pants....
microfiber isn't right. I don't think they breathe well enough to be comfortable attire.
It's like Tom Haverford's business cards on parks and rec. Black ink, black background, because black is the coolest color. Also. It is a very strong magnet, DO NOT put it in your wallet, it WILL destroy your credit cards!
Debt and everything?
I tried to make ramen noodles in the coffee pot, but I broke everything.
We are releasing the iPocket: a silicone insert that can be inserted in your wallet or your jeans pocket to protect your card. It comes in white and costs $199.
Last time I bought a silicone pocket my wife made me sleep on the couch for a week.
Don’t forget, you can’t let it touch another card, either.
"...you can't get them wet, and they can't be dry-cleaned either. You have to hand wash without water, wring-dry gently, and use a hairdryer on cool"
Yes, it’s Apple Card! The financial sensation that’s sweeping the nation! Only $14.95 at participating stores! Get one today!
Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly, and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure to Apple Card.
Caution: Apple Card may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.
Apple Card contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.
Do not use Apple Card on concrete.
Discontinue use of Apple Card if any of the following occurs:
- tingling in extremities
- loss of balance or coordination
- slurred speech
- temporary blindness
- profuse sweating
- or heart palpitations
If Apple Card begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head.
Apple Card may stick to certain types of skin.
When not in use, Apple Card should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration. Failure to do so relieves the makers of Apple Card, Apple, and its partner company, Goldman Sachs, of any and all liability.
Ingredients of Apple Card include an unknown glowing green substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.
Apple Card has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq.
Do not taunt Apple Card.
Apple Card comes with a lifetime warranty.
Apple Card! Accept no substitutes!
[Source: “Happy Fun Ball” sketch, *Saturday Night Live,* 16 February 1991]
Don't feed it after midnight.
The entire main campus is like this. Beautiful, but wildly uncomfortable and impractical.
BUT THE INTUITIVE, SLEAK DESIGN!!!
Apple again telling people how to hold things.
Actually the whole point of the card is that you don’t need to carry it around, it lives on your iPhone.
You can get better rewards from discover. People are stupid (or have bad credit).
Why even make a physical card then?
I guarantee there are people who signed up for this card just for the physical card. I think there are even videos out there of what it sounds like when it drops.
Not exclusive to Apple though, I know there are people who sign up for other metal cards.
Edit: and so people can use the card where Apple Pay isn’t accepted.
so you can still use it somewhere where they don't accept apple pay
Oh, so you still need to carry it around with you then?
>You can get better rewards from discover.
Yeah but I still carry Visa and Mastercard. And according to the people that call me, they've combined forces into "Visa Mastercard Services".
Oh, *just* Visa Mastercard? I get calls all the time about a Discover Visa Mastercard Amex that supposedly exists.
>the whole point of the card is that you don’t need to carry it around, it lives on your iPhone.
But so do my normal cards when I put them on Google Pay...
Dude. I (used to) love Apple products. So simple. They just work. Now Mojave on an almost brand new 5k iMac with shit tons of RAM I have crashes on my mail app all the time, all kinds of warnings. All kinds of trying to get me to log in to iCloud messages, not to mention the same on my iPhone plus a bunch of BS with adapters because some how there is a problem with the headphone jack and I can't use my GPS (which drains my battery) and listen to audio books at the same time because I need to charge my phone. Yes, I know there are work arounds for all this, but for the price I shouldn't have to.
Don't worry bro, we *just* so happen to have a phone case with the right material you can use for only $89.99. :) Would you like Applecare for it?
What other materials can wallets be made out of?
Worry not, Apple will surely release an Apple Wallet that's compatible with the Apple Card
But the Apple Wallet deteriorates faster in denim pants. INTRODUCING the Apple Pants!
But the Apple Pants deteriorates faster when you sweat in them. INTRODUCING the Apple Skin!
I always get my mom to peel the apple skin.
I always get my mom to peel my skin off before I put on my pants
I’m not allowed to eat it with the skin, I’m not allowed!
The skin is full of toxins. But worry not..if accidentally ingested just smoke some cigarettes to smother the bacteria (works for seeds, too)
I am like 90% sure this is a joke, but I still have the 10%
It's an Always Sunny reference (as was the comment i was responding to)
But the Apple Skin rubs against the bones and breaks down. INTRODUCING the Apple Entire F***ING Skeleton. (dongles to attach bones each sold separately)
But the Apple Skin deteriorates faster with the human blood. INTRODUCING the Apple Heart! (Apple Blood Veins are not included!)
But the Apple Heart deteriorates faster with the human brain. INTRODUCING the Apple Brain! (desire to buy more Apple products included!)
Now Affiliated With Amazon.
> INTRODUCING the Apple Pants
We removed the pockets \#courage.
*Leg dongles sold separately
Don't worry, you can buy the Apple Pocket at your local Apple Store. It even fits your iPhone.
Boots with the fur
*with the furrr*
Do you think the Apple Wallet will be cross compatible with Apple Bottom Jeans?
*looks into my empty wallet
That's alot of damage!
Metal or plastic and Velcro.
Vegan Men’s Hoes??
I've been using a nylon "surfer wallet" for a number of years. Two zippered pockets, nothing falls out.
>nothing falls out.
I was not aware this was an issue people other than George Costanza had
I have an ultra thin one that is supposed to be made of parachute nylon.
Vegans often use cork. It looks nice enough and they're pretty tough.
Mine are made of nylon canvas. I have another one made of Tyvek. And one of those Ridge wallets that's aluminum with carbon fiber.
There are metal card holders.
Oh god, metal on metal...
My wallet is the same material as a pool float
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Ridgethony Walletano here
The internet's busiest credit card container nerd
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You’re the best you’re the best what should I review next hit the like if you like please subscribe and please don’t cry hit the bell as WELL
That's cool Anthony but you didn't have to drop the N Bomb 7 times in 4 seconds.
Anthony I bought three wallets, can I have my kids back
Oh hai linus
You don’t have to. It’s suggesting you don’t because it can discolor the white card.
My current debit card has the colour in the numbers worn off, the mag strip all scratched up (in Canada so no one accepts swipe any ways) and and 2 corners bent, still works fine
The chip itself is what matters. Technically it would work even if you cut it to the size of a phone nano-sim. In fact, it's (almost) exactly the same technology!
Edit: I'm not talking about RFID or any of that. The point I'm only trying to make is that **the chip itself** would technically still work without all the "plastic" around it. It's obvious there would be no contactless!!
That's most likely for contactless.
Why did the girl in the store ignite your card?
This is way more intense than those ATMs that shred your card
How on earth can Mr. Douchenozzle think it's her fault, she is unlikely to know the API's to set reader power to 1.21 jigawatts.
Most likely No one thought it was her fault. Sometimes people think if something bad happens it's automatically their fault though.
>Most likely No one thought it was her fault. Sometimes people think if something bad happens ~~it's automatically their fault though.~~ **the customer will blame them, and their boss will side with the customer because it's not worth the extra $1\/hour they are making to defend you.**
Don't be the guy that gets a nano Sim card stuck in the machine
Meanwhile my bank uses the crappy materials to the point you need a new card every few months or the chip will stop working.
My card doesn't even come with the numbers embossed on it anymore.
And the Apple Card will too. This is a recommendation based on aesthetics. The card is not going to stop functioning because it touches denim.
most of my regular credit cards look like shit after a few months being squashed and rubbed in my wallet. I'm guessing Apple wants you to keep your card looking pristine.
Also this happens with most white things. Happened with iPods too. I keep lens cleaning wipe packets in my pocket and they are always denim blue after a bit of time.
They made this because multiple customers will complain and say they didn't warn them. This is the warning.
I'm normally first aboard the Apple hate train. Hell, call me the conductor. That bullshit $1,000 monitor stand that wasn't included with the monitor? Hate boner for 2 weeks, SOLID.
But they're not wrong in this regard. Most/all major credit card companies tell you to do this.
the weird thing about that it wasn't a disaster because of the price, it was a disaster because of how apple completely misread the market re: how to sell that monitor and stand. the vast vast majority of people who would pay 5k for a fancy apple monitor already have the compatible apple branded $200 mount they released for the last generation--essentially, they could have spun it as a discount ("the monitor costs $200/1000 less!"--obviously this is bullshit since they could sell it for whatever damn price they please, but they've successfully used this strategy with their phone accessories for years) but chose instead just to **emphasize** the price point of the fucking stand, so that's all anyone was talking about. nevermind that it's a piece of professional gear with a niche market at best--the overwhelming majority of apple customers will never ever use it or need it or want it. completely idiotic.
shades of kaz hirai and "five hundred and ninety-nine us dollars"
This should have more upvotes. It’s literally the same maintenance all cards suggest so they don’t get damage, it’s not “Apple trying to scam us again!!!!”
oh no, redditors are falling for sensationalist headlines again, how could this happen
Isn't the whole point of apple pay getting RID of the card?
Mkbhd did a good video explaining it.
I don't think is entirely on Apple. I got a new bank card recently and my leather wallet has sort of... melted onto the card.
Mine doesn't. It gets worn out by putting in ATMs and the cashier terminals. After I got one with wireless payment, it has taking a lot longer for it to look slightly worn.
Really though?? Imma have to see proof. Post a photo. Make sure you also provide a shot of the back with your signature and the CVC please.
Alright, another reason not to wear pants!
The other holes will just discolor it differently.
I enjoy minimalism sometimes, but it often feels like the plague of modern design since half the time something is minimal they sacrifice loads of functionality, it is such lazy design.
The card isn’t gonna break because it touched leather or denim. It’s a metal card that’s functions identically to any other credit card.
Minimalism means stripping something down to only its most necessary and functional pieces, not prioritizing a barren aesthetic to the point of removing core functionality.
Apple card protector: $49
Magnetic strip dongle: $99
Using your apple credit card to one up your friends? Priceless.
Just what my homemade duct tape wallet was missing...an exclusive, luxury credit card.
Wait credit cards need to be cleaned?
Are you not biannually sanitizing and waxing all of your credit and debit cards, you pleb? Heck, I bring mine in to the drive-thru card wash every few months so they can go through those huge rollers.
Then I have my wallet vacuumed and a new air freshener hung on it for that "new wallet" smell.
Carry it in a lanyard around your neck so everyone will know what an idiot you are.
*Looks at phone case*