I used to have a Deawoo Matiz as my first car. My friend had a Chevrolet Matiz. Same car just different makes. I drove her boyfriend home once and mentioned that we both drived the same car, and he said "no, Claudia drives a CHEVROLET". I've hated him ever since.


I hate him too, now


Thank you for the support 🙏


I hate you both, you three cylinder 1000cc wankers 😂😂😂


It was 800cc I believe and absolutely magical


Magical it actually managed to pull the skin of a custard


“They’ve rebadged it, you fool!”




That depends if your job involves monitoring water levels at the levee.


Hah... you've just reminded me of a long forgotten memory. I was driving somewhere with my mates in my first car, a D-reg Mini Mayfair. There were three of us, a guy in the back, and a guy on the front passenger side. The guy in the front passenger seat opened up a packet of fags and was about to light one when I pulled over. I asked him not to smoke in the car. There was a bit of back and forth and he was an utter dick, insisting that he "was allowed" to smoke in the car, and I "couldn't stop him". Matey in the back told him he was being a knob, and to smoke outside. Eventually he conceded to smoke out of the car whilst we waited for him. I did not wait for him.


Oof, worked in a car repair garage where we had a little fleet of Matiz courtesy cars (and a few prized corsas). Telling people that the replacement vehicle for their crashed car was a Matiz was one of the most stressful parts of the job.


I had one too! Bright lime green and 99% plastic. Great little car, very easy to spot in car parks lol


PE in the late 90s, 5 a side, can't recall the score but we were thrashing the other team..... Daniel Roberts said it didn't count because the fire alarm went off 2 minutes before the end...... Prick


Sounds like the prick who would always shout 'Last goal wins!!' when they were 15-4 down.


he was absolutely that prick, the one who would grab the ball and run back to the astro when everyone else was in the changing room, just to claim victory...... I hope he gets fish hooks for fingers and his bollocks constantly itch


Tesco- I once applied for a job with them, had the interview and I thought I did well but wasn't successful. After that I refused to shop in tesco for a long time 😂


I got turned down by KFC, how very dare they.


My Wife got turned down by Pizza Hut and as a sandwich maker in the local museum café. A few years later she's now a specialist nurse. Do we ever go to Pizza Hut or that museum? Do we fuck!!


My favourite Chinese failed to deliver prawn crackers to my girlfriend when I was at work. She sent me the details on WhatsApp while I was working and the drama unfolded. She phoned and the girl working there was very rude to her. The whole thing wasn’t dealt with. Oh principle we’ll never order from there again. Haha. Seems petty but we were maybe spending £60 a month there..! Their loss. (I do miss it though)


One Christmas when I was a student I applied to Next for the extra holiday staff. They didn't get back to me/I didn't get an interview, but a couple weeks later they sent an email asking for emergency volunteers. Cheeky af


Andy at school. His mum had given him salt and vinegar crisps and he didn't like them. I had cheese and onion, and I didn't like them, so he asked if I wanted to swap. I gave him mine, and he just dropped his on the floor and stamped on the bag. I knew immediately that there was only one course of action and that I had to grab the bag I'd given him and stamp on it, but I hated doing it. Two bags of crisps ruined because of that arsehole.


As painful as it must’ve been, you did the right thing


I once tweeted Fearne Cotton saying something like “Loving your show this morning, it’s getting me through my revision!” whilst doing my GCSE’s, she then proceeded to read the tweet out on Radio 1 and said “I can’t pronounce your name and sorry I can’t be bothered to try” so now I have a raging hatred for Fearne Cotton.


Is it siobhan?


Haha no but that’s made me chuckle


I hate her now too


Thank you, your support means the world


I don't know your name, but I have a feeling Fearne Cotton has trouble with words that contain more than two syllables.. https://youtu.be/X-OatBpJq3E


I've met fearne cotton, she's not the nicest person around.


Niamh? Is that you....?


A man in an independent computer shop in my home town a very long time ago. I went in as a 12 year old girl looking for more RAM so I could play the sims. I knew exactly what I needed and could reel off the specs of my pc quite easily. He fucking gatekeeped me. He didn't believe I knew what I was talking about and wouldn't bloody sell me the RAM I needed, and he told me to come back in with my dad. So yes, man in the computer shop, fuck you.


That’s not petty just cunty of him.


I guess the petty part is the fact that I remember it and I still have a grudge against him nearly 20 years later!


Go back and slap him, he's too old to catch you now.


Now that, that would be petty!


Nah totally justified


Daley Thompson grabbed my shoulder and pulled me out of the way when I was 10. It was so he could get on the Vauxhall promotion stage at a Touring Car meeting at Oulton Park in the early 90s. He was a guest driver in a Nova Series race. He came last. Serves him right. Big, stupid-moustachioed git.


Should have also shouted that you broke your ZX Spectrum space bar playing 'Daley Thompson Decathlon' as well. Hit him with the double whammy!


I once won a prize on Jo Whileys Radio 1 show about 20 years ago and I never received it. fucker


I won Nicky Clarke's (Dundee United) no.10 match shirt in a raffle last year. Still f^cking waiting. Emailed the twat at the club who ran the show several times, no reply. F^ck him. Still 100% Arab, though🤙


Give the Advertising Standards Authority a message as any company/person that advertises a raffle/giveaway is responsible for giving you a prize of equal value.


I have a fairly uncommon name. I dislike anybody who has my name. There can be only one.


Tbf your the second person I think of when I hear the name Boba Fett


I’m the same, haha. I’ve met two people in my life who share my name and although I became good friends with the second one, I still didn’t really see her as fitting the name “properly”.


I've only had two as well. One who was the younger brother of somebody I knew at school. And the other was a dentistry student I met at uni. I wanted nothing to do with either of the false me's.


Me too. I found another me on Friends Reunited (showing my age here). The thought of someone else out there with my name would keep me awake at night. I was the first me on Facebook but the other one soon joined. Bitch. My brother tried to add her just to piss me off but she rejected his friend request!! He even messaged her to explain why he’d tried to add her and to ask her for her help in annoying me but he was still denied. That just made me hate her more but, to be fair, she probably thought we were crazy weirdos, although, the three other guys with the same name as my brother accepted my friend requests, no questions asked. She signs up to loads of shitty websites with my email address and I get her shitty spam. I get invites to her work Teams meetings and reminders of her dentist appointments. No, I am not going to attend your weekly department catch-up. Please take me out of this email thread. Oh, I’m still in the thread am I? And now this Teams meeting is in my personal calendar??? I declined!! I hate her.


I feel your pain - I've got a moron with the same name on the other side of the world - every so often I get e-mails from his bank in New Zealand, his shitty gaming accounts, hairdressing wholesalers, etc. Dickhead. But your Counterfeit Laura (assuming that's your/her name) sounds so much worse, especially sending you to her Teams meetings...




I have a very common name and dislike anyone who *doesn't* have the same name as me.


Ok, Reuben.


I have a fairly uncommon first name and an extremely rare last name. I am the ONLY ME! Harharhar!




(*chanting*) THERE’S ONLY ONE [your name]


The server in Manchester Hard Rock Cafe who clearly tried to piss me off by having several large onions placed on my burger after i specificity requested none a few weeks back. The customer at work who looked at my name badge and said ‘Thanks, Ben’.


For a second I thought you'd expected him to remember how you like your burger from a previous visit.


They're swines for it in there. They got my ex's order wrong every time and in the end we stopped going in. I was actually pretty glad about it because I hate feeling like there's only three inches between me and the people at the next table.


Adding on, when I checked the receipt the next day, they charged full price for beers and cocktails despite it being happy hour.


Jeez - they did you twice in one go. At least they spaced it out a bit for me.


At least they fed me dinner before they fucked me


Neil Gaiman told me to 'be quiet' and gave me a bit of a chewing at a book reading once, even though it wasn't me talking - it was the person behind me. I've held a grudge ever since. Still read his books, only now with an attitude.


My pettiness knows no bounds, I would not able to read those books after.


u/RealNeilGaiman , care to clear this up?


It was the book signing in Leeds the day after he shaved off his beard. The book was 'The Wolves in the walls'.


I don't know if it counts for this thread cos I think she isn't British, but I've disliked his wife ever since she went on Livejournal and asked people to provide her tour with two weeks of rehearsal space in London for free.


Isn’t she the one who tried to pay musicians in “exposure”, as if she didn’t have the money? I don’t know the details, just something I’ve heard


Actually he was an asshat to me at a book signing. I also bear a grudge.


I’d be raging!


Mark Bandle from secondary school. He threw a basketball in my face because the ball clearly bounced off him and wouldn’t hand it over until the teacher ruled on it. I hope hes had a miserable life, is married to an hobbit women and his children are cross eyed.


I dunno, I bet hobbit women can cook pretty well!


A guy in my school had the less common spelling of my name, so insisted on calling me 'Common [Insert My Name Here]' Fucking bellend


Birmingham. Only time I ever visited was when the train broke down. Waited 45 minutes for a bus, but ended up having to walk 15 mins through the town to the other station. The train staff abandoned us, I had to help an old woman with her heavy bags. Next train took ages to leave. Miserable weather. The whole experience was depressing. And now when I think of Birmingham that's all I think about. 2 hours of shitty misery that it had nothing to do with, it was just the stage for Virgin Trains to shit all over. But I ain't ever going back!


I have a similar grudge against Birmingham which is travel related. Had hitch hiked across a large part of the country without any problems. When I got to Birmingham I was really not getting any takers at all. It was pissing it down and I was dead tired. Not even murderers or religious nuts were interested. Then finally a very attractive young lady stopped and waved me to hop in. locking the doors just as I went to open the door and with a big shit eating grin driving down the road honking. I mean it was almost as funny as it was brutal so no bad blood there. But then variations of it happened again not long after. Twice. Fuck Birmingham. You cruel funny bastards.


I used to change trains at Birmingham New Street to get to/from a girlfriend in my teens. Always assumed I'd die sat on a bench there. It was never a safe feeling place.


It's okay, it's the Birmingham experience. Source: lived here my whole life


'Princess' Diana. She ruined my birthday by dying on that date and I had several phone calls from friends who I expected were going to wish me Happy Birthday but actually wanted to share their grief over her demise. Awful woman.


I went on a long awaited trip to Blackpool Pleasure Beach the day she died as an 8 year old kid. They closed the fucking Pleasure Beach in respect. She loved kids, she wouldn't have wanted that.


Geez, and I thought the reaction to Prince Philip's death was excessive.


I hate responses like that! National Rail removed all colour from their website “as a mark of respect” when Prince Philip died. Someone on Twitter commented: “It’s what he would have wanted”.


He didn’t have any colour left when he was alive so fitting really.


She died on my sister's 2nd birthday. I got woke up by my mum at about 6am, bawling her fucking eyes out crying going 'she's dead, I can't believe she's dead.' 11 year old me thought it was my fucking little sister. Fuck Diana. Well, Will Carling did anyway.


My mam had a similar reaction. Luckily I didn’t have any siblings to presume dead. She didn’t get out of bed all day because she was so upset! Now as an adult I can’t imagine feeling that level of grief for somebody I don’t know…


It was a ridiculous time. I still don't understand how the country got so swept up.


We were all pissed up that night at a mates house while his parents were away. Mate was twatted and went to bed early, just after the news that only Dodi had been killed in the crash. We all stayed up drinking and crashed (ahem) in the lounge as the news unfolded that Diana had been killed too. In the morning my mate strolled into the lounge and loudly asked: Dodi died did Di Die? Some dared to snigger.


I remember my Dad waking my brother and I up by saying "I've got some bad news, boys...Diggit won't be on this morning".


My friend was 18 on the day she died. She was meant to have a birthday party and instead her whole family sat round the TV sobbing.


She ruined my family holiday to Majorca. I was ten, and couldn't give a shit, but my family acted like it was a personal tragedy. Gutted.


I was crawling out of a tent with a massive hangover somewhere around Cardiff when someone told me, as I recall I just said huh and staggered off to look for some more booze.


In 1994 Chris X (his name has been changed to obscure his true identity) sat on my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle toy I'd brought in to show the class and broke it. I was devastated and Chris was probably the first person to make it onto my shitlist, which was quite short considering I was only 5 at the time. I don't think I got over that until about 2006. I had serious beef with him prior to that, but it turns out Chris is a really nice guy now. Still owes me a Donatello toy though.


This thread would be perfect if Russell Tovey appeared and commented >that twat who stood in my way on the tube


A guy goes in my local and wears a turtleneck all the time. Could be a lovely bloke but every time I see him I think wanker


Maybe he’s a sailor or the Milk Tray man?


Fair. I've never trusted anyone who wears a turtleneck. Eg: Ray fucking Purchase.


Bradley Walsh. Was a contestant on a BBC show called "Maestro" where different "celebrities" trained to become orchestral conductors, work with musicians on understanding scores, unravel the complexities of classical music and finally practice with a full symphony orchestra in preparation for a final competition. The training period was spread over weeks and the other competitors took it really seriously, going through rehearsals, sitting with the various instrumentalists finding out how they played, learning the score, basic music theory and different conducting techniques. They were mentored by professional international class conductors. Bradley Walsh just fucked about. There was a documentary type film crew following the daily progress, we saw each of the others working hard but as soon as Walsh realised the team was in the room he just pulled funny faces and mugged at the camera. His vanity and total disrespect for the professional musicians working around him was disgraceful. There was no excuse for his behaviour. Other contestants included Alex James from Blur, breakbeat guy Goldie, Peter Snow, news presenter and David Soul from "Starsky and Hutch" - they all entered into the spirit of the thing with humour and hard work. Walsh was just a lazy shit who managed to piss everybody off. I cant watch him now. If I see his grinning little face on The Chase or Doctor Who I just want to punch it. Sue Perkins won.


Went a date with a girl called Vicki. She picked the pepperoni of my last slice of pizza. Never seen her again. Hope she has herpes.


What, from the pepperoni?


That would be fitting but I'm not fussed where from.


I don't remember his name, but I lent someone a Gameboy game back at school. It was *Ducktales 2*. They never gave it back and one of their friends (whose name I also do not remember) had the nerve to say I didn't deserve it back. Never got it back. Was too much of a coward to bring it up.


I had this happen with my copy of the sims. Even went round the guys house to get it back and watched while he fake searched for it. Fuck knows what happened to it, but that particular Adam can go fuck himself.


I leant my Sims 3 to a friend. We left uni and moved back homes and she never gave it back! I asked for it, sent her my address and she never sent it. Turned out she'd been sleeping with my boyfriend for a while, found out after we broke up. Truthfully I was more upset about the Sim, they were both cunts!


My mate Frank stole a chip off my plate once. Twat.


Exactly what I was looking for. Get your own chips Frank.


I think we can all agree to hate Frank. Out of order you wanker.


When I was around 6 my sister stole a chip from my plate and I stabbed her in the head with my fork. I don't remember this happening but I get told about it alot. I was apparently a demon child.


Waiting in the media area backstage at The Stone Roses comeback gig at Heaton Park, it was a little fenced off section adjacent to the VIP/guestlist bar and space. We were well looked after with a selection of snacks and a big fridge full of beers and soft drinks. Lovely. We'd all been told we weren't to fraternise with any celebs outside of this area so were just chilling, waiting for the anointed hour, the VIP bar was strictly off limits to us plebs. Anyway, place was packed, their bar was heaving, three deep as the who's who of British celebdom got wankered on someone else's bill. Our fridge of beer was, unsurprisingly, still well stocked because, you know, we were working. About an hour before stage time in staggers Lily fucking Allen and her mate, loudly complaining about the queue at the bar, the pair of them totter over to our fridge and help themselves to four bottles each and fuck off without a word. Still fuming about that. So, yeah, fuck Lily Allen (and her mate).


I've always thought Lily Allen was a dick and you've just confirmed it, so thanks


I once was at have I got news for you (I think, or some other generic panel show). Witnessed Lily Allen trying to beat the shit out of Jamelia backstage for some perceived slight. It was brief but more interesting than the show (which I don't remember at all apparently)


I’d have my money on Jamelia every time in that scrap but would be very happy to have a ringside seat.


What would happen if you had just told her to keep her fucking mitts off of your beers?


Some iteration of “do you know who I am” I would imagine


She'd have probably kicked off and I'd risk having my credential pulled and that would have been very bad.


Playing rounders in pe in year 9 I think it was, it was my turn to bat. A girl called Karen threw the ball and it hit me straight in the eye, burst a blood vessel and hurt like fuck. I wouldn’t mind as it was a complete accident, but she just stood there and laughed, didn’t even apologise. Disliked her ever since. Cow.


Let me tell you the story of Siobhan Tweedy & Nick Carter of Backstreet Boys "fame"... I was 13 years old back in 98' and the backstreet boys were doing a gig in Birmingham. The then 15 year old love of my whole life was a huge fan and of course was going to watch. The day before the big performance she pulls me aside at the park and says "We need to talk".... She regurgitated a very well rehearsed 15 minutes speech about how this was her only chance to meet Nick Carter and how if she wasn't single when she met him she'd be throwing away the greatest opportunity of her life... And that was that...I was alone...the girls all left the park together and the boys came running over to me. I of course told them the truth...I had had to break up with her because she was frigid and I never liked her anyway... To this day I take an instant dislike to anyone with the name Siobhan...stupid fucking name with a stupid fucking spelling.. Luckily I don't have to listen to any backstreet boys music these days....they can do one too....


Tbh I'm a Siobhan and adolescent me probably would have done the same thing if it meant a chance with any of the guys from Blue


There was a girl I used to know who loved the phrase: "When you assume you make an ass out of U and Me". Except she always left off the end. Call yourself an ass, you ass. I can't hear the phrase without thinking of it and I get mad.


Told this story before so ill copy-paste I remember years ago I was accused of shoplifting in toys r us. I literally went from the entrance of the shop to the toilet. I was with my family at the time, so I was pretty shocked for a 6ft something shop worker blocking me just outside the toilet. They could not tell me what they thought I had taken. I went as far as taking my coat off to prove I had nothing with me, and they checked the toilets as well They checked CCTV and I had not done anything at all. bloody jobsworths harassing a child for no reason. I had walked in with my family so it was not like I was on my own skulking around all shifty, I just needed a piss!


Slight twist: Robson Greene took a photo of me and my friends sledging and gave it to the police as evidence. This was pre-digital cameras too. Police turned up and basically said to our parents don't worry about it, nothing is going to come of it but maybe not to sledge near his house again. He didn't even own the field. The petty twat.


Didn't he run off with the wife of some vicar?


Yeh, a hairdresser I think. There's a few local stories about him being a dickhead. He got the piss ripped out of him in the pub one night over his accent and didn't take it very well.


He seems like just the type to do that. Should have made it an annual tradition.


He may have had his wheelie bin lids super glued shut a few weeks after. I can not confirm or deny such a thing happened.


I’ve heard too many stories about Robson greene being a total bellend.


Fearne Cotton has annoyed me since the Diggit era, to the extent that decades later I still swear under my breath whenever her face pops up on TV. Not sure why. Des was the sketchy one, it turns out.


Be annoyed some more (I love Charlie Brooker): https://youtu.be/X-OatBpJq3E


Lent Maxwell a pen in my year 8 maths class that I never had the nerve to ask for back. 2 months later in the same class he asked for another one. I gave it to him. Knob Also people who call me Ryan when I introduce myself, Person: hi what’s your name? Me: Riley Person: Ryan? No, not even close


Tbf with a name like Maxwell that kid was suffering enough


Primary school, it was the day that the best chocolate pudding got served. Just about to dig in and some little kid I didn’t know decided to put his finger in it. I complained and was allowed to go get another one but they had run out by the time I got back up there. I missed out on such a nice chocolate sponge. It’s been 20 years and I still remember.


Dick from Dick and Dom told my sister to fuck off when they were filming in Kingston. She was 8 at the time.


Name checks out then


Bristol. Russell Howard is from there and I can’t stand the fucking cunt. I have no idea why either, I don’t know if anything bad he’s done.


Unfortunately, my next door neighbour. He once called our landlord because of a bush overgrowing on his side of the front gardens so he could remove a tree stump instead of just asking us. He also used to blame me for when he smoked weed to his wife & has habit of telling lies & BS. Also liked to give me a hard time when things weren't going his way. He's just a dick.


I used go take OXO cubes in to school as a snack. People used to laugh at me until they tried it. Then they were all after my OXO cubes. None of those fucker got any. I would give them to everybody else but them.


Woman on a tram in Nottinghamshire. Saw me sat in the disabled space (am disabled), and tapped me on the shoulder, pointed at an old guy who’d just got on, and expected me to move. He didn’t want the seat, and she’s a bitch.


As I mentioned on another thread, I detest Crewe and have held a grudge against the place for at least a decade. Why? Because I had to wait two hours for a train once at Crewe station and there was nothing to do.


I have similar with Rotherham. Stuck in a train there once for hours with repeated assurances every 20 minutes that we'd be underway again within 20 minutes.


My family massively dislike Adam Woodyatt (Ian Beale) because my mum once bumped my pushchair into his leg in a lift and he tutted at ME. I'm now 32. Stupid prick.


A girl called Beth at my primary school convinced all but 3 people in the class that I was lying for (correctly) stating that dandelions were weeds. Which apparently is akin to committing a war crime for anyone who thought they were flowers. It caused a week long war, flowers vs weeds Parents had to get involved It was ridiculous I’m glad her life went downhill




Broke up on a night out in Southend. Never go back there due to the bad memories.


Mate, I would break up with just about anybody just to get out of Southend.


Charlie Stayt from BBC Breakfast. He looks like one of the old guard BBC crew. Likely to belittle the backstage unit and assistants. Haircut screams old fashioned Britishness and a dislike to anything unfamiliar. Isn't interested in modern sports and pursuits. Goes hunting of a weekend, spends time on the Lord Chumberstock estate, part of the boxing day and new years hunt. Tells people to call him CS. Given a chance he'll make sexist jokes 'like we used to do in the good old days'. So yeah, the above is basically from how his hair looks, no concrete evidence to anything I said... but you never know with old Stayt!




Presenting BBC Breakfast is like making love to a beautiful woman


Swiss Tony deserves respect.


Every time they have a family with kids on, he *always* fucking insists on doing a bit where he asks the kids a really pointless patronising question, and he thinks he’s being really funny, and you can see Naga Munchetty’s eyeballs do a full 360 in their sockets.


Kate Humble. The most patronising person I've ever watched on T.V. #RoughScience


Everyone called victor. I've interacted with 3 Victors in my life, and they've all been cunts. I'm generally distrustful of the name now


This is what happens when they always get the spoils of war


Stoke. First football game I went to and my team lost to stoke. I fucking hate stoke.


I lost a national public speaking competition judged by Penelope Keith when I was in Year 10 and I've never forgiven her for that


In year 8, I started asking people 'what's the capital of Thailand', and then you raise one of your fists and shout 'Bangkok' and it sounds like you're gonna bang their cock, which is a shit joke, but we were 13 so it's fine lol. Anyway, I told it to this one guy, and he tried it on someone else in Design and Technology one lesson, and the fucker he does it to reacts by picking up a chair as a fucking shield or something. Then the teacher comes in, realises everyone's carrying saws and shit and this one guy's waving a chair about, tells everyone to fuck back off to the classroom and asks who was involved, and the guy who picked up the chair mentions MY NAME because I made the original joke, so I have to stay back for 10 minutes while my teacher lectures us for being irresponsible fuckwits. So yeah, fuck you chair boy, dopey twat.


So you didn't slap them in the balls when you say Bangkok? That's the whole Point of the joke to slap em in the testes


KFC due their portioning of fries. Well never set foot in one again.


Sara Cox off of the radio (2 now I think). The woman's voice just instantly makes me angry. No other reason. She could be perfectly lovely but I can't stand her voice there for I can't stand her.


Tommy Tiernan was an absolute arse to me when I worked on his show at the Fringe back in 2003. I was the sound guy and it was in the round and he wanted to wear a wireless mic and do his whisper whisper ROAR delivery and he literally turned the crowd against me one night because he didn’t like how his mic was working. I cannot enjoy his performances in otherwise fine shows because of this.


The crappy Renault mechanic that tried to tell me my gearbox had a bearing gone and that I needed a new one that would cost a grand and a half, which was about the same as the value of the car. This was despite the fact I had basically told them it was a wheel bearing. Took it somewhere else and got it done for £150 and lo and behold it was fixed. I did go back a credit note for the cost of them having look at it. Classic case of trying to rip off young people who they think don't know what is what. ( Was about 15 years ago)


One of the doctors where I work. I work admin but the admin staff do room checks for the clinicians and make sure it’s all stocked up, was the end of a 10.5 hour shift and she kicked off a stink to the managers that I didn’t dispose of a patients urine she left on the side. She was still in the room while I did the room check, mind and could’ve politely asked. Can’t stand her now and it’s been a couple years since.


I once worked with a guy called Tom, who told me I was unhygienic for brushing my hair at work. The guy was a chain smoker who, from the stench of him, I would guess never washed his clothes, so I’m not sure where he got hair brushing being disgusting from. Could never stand him after that. ETA: this was in an office, not somewhere like a food preparation place.


Jeremy Clarkson absolutely chewed me out and then some when I was 15, for shop lifting. It was a dodgy area, mind, but I was waiting outside the shop for my mate. I still think his on-screen persona is funny but I wouldn’t want to meet him again in real life, and it’s made me wary of going near famous people when I see them. I just leave them be and ignore them. But for *petty* reasons? Blimey. People with the common spelling of my surname. Bloody commoners. Not Royalty like me.


Did you shoplift?


Hell no. He questioned the sign in the door of only so many school kids in at once and I think the shop staff told him about shoplifting. So Jezza, being the social warrior that he is, decided I was one of these cretins and threatened to “fucking nick” me. That was 20~ years ago.


Brian Cox. I watched one of his things 10 years ago, and there were so many pointless repeated shots of him wandering about a desert and waving his hand at the sun to make it flicker between his fingers. Then we spent 5 minutes watching him get flown about by the red arrows. It's Brian Cox's Wonders of the Universe, not Brian Cox's Self-Indulgent Desert!


My childhood friend's older brother, yes we may have been playing in your bedroom when I let out a truly horrendous and rancid fart, but there was no need to be a massive prick about it.


There fucking was your insides were rotting! My room smelled like something had died for a day and a half!


Morrisons for changing their clubcard rewards scheme. I now deliberately drive a further 5 miles just to do my shopping elsewhere. I know, doesn’t make sense but I’m stubborn


I charter people who fall into this bracket a place upon my “Ferry of Death”, a fictional vessel that will eventually sail all the way over the horizon into the centre of the sun, burning all onboard to ash. People who have a ticket include Katie Hopkins, Sergio Ramos, Robert Peston, Jeremy Vine…… You get the idea.


Sir Ian McKellen once stood on my foot, he apologised profusely. Best. Day. Ever


I once served Carol Smillie and her daughter in a shop. Carol was one the rudest customers I've ever had. She constantly was patronizing to me and my staff all the way to the till. Her daughter was very embarrassed for her.


Should have told her to pack it in I hate people who treat people especially retail workers or waiters/waitresses. No one is above anyone


Father In law. I SAVED. A bar of dairy milk in the cupboard. I’d worked a 12 hour shift ( FIL was watching he kids till OH came home ) couldn’t wait to get home and eat it. I came home, stuck the kettle on, made a brew, went to the cupboard. GONE!! HE BLOODY ATE iT! I will never forgive him.


dislike one of the secondary school teachers we had, if he was annoyed he used to sit at his desk reading the job paper


I hate Oxford because the one and only time I went there I got a ticket for not noticing that a road was busses only during certain hours.


He's passed on now but got on a busy central line train at liverpool street station and bob crow didnt move down inside the carriage.


I stubbed my toe in Skegness once and now I can’t fucking stand the place.


A new person on my team, she’s just a bit “live, laugh love” you know? Perfectly nice but I feel rage full towards her.


Every single time I have been to London I have witnessed someone being a prick to someone completely innocent. The most annoying was watching a well dressed lad staring at his phone walk into the back of an old lady, he then proceeded to cuss her for not looking where she was going. My girlfriend had to stop me from knee capping the cunt.


This kid called Georgina in year 1 was a nightmare and one day I was playing Guess Who during wet play and she came up and pressed half the characters down and ruined the game. I was upset. Heard her mum used to bleach her hair blonde (at the age of 5) so I hope she’s doing better now, even if she was kind of a shit.




Same here. Depressing as anything.


When I was 8 I saw Timmy Mallet at a live show and afterwards he was going to do a meet and greet, the queue was horrendous so I thought I’d sneak backstage and get him to sign my new note book and pen I bought for the occasion. He was walking towards me in the hallway and I asked him ever so nicely for his signature and he brushed me aside and told me to get to the back of the queue. I did queue and was given a preprinted postcard. Not impressed. When I was 19 I went to an Arts Cinema screening to watch The War Zone with my date (already not a great idea for a date but I was unknowing of the plot) we were running late and were the last to arrive, Tim Roth was there to introduce the film and do a Q&A and he was less than impressed with our tardiness, needless to say he was a total prick and made sarcastic comments about how nice it was of us to join them like a fucking Geography Teacher in secondary school. Still bitter even though I suspect both incidents were brought to me courtesy of Cocaine. For clarity I was not the one abusing Cocaine.


Kit Harrington. Saw him in a bar near me once, thought he was the absolute dogs. Was drinking water and taking barely legal fan girls up to a VIP section with him. Mate offered to buy him a beer, he said no and then told the bar staff he was being harassed like a little snitch. My mate was barred. Prick.


Place - Ikea. Not really anything against the shop, the layout, the experience etc but once I went there and lost my wallet. Someone handed it in and it still had everything in it except for the cash. It was only a tenner but I now can't go to an Ikea or see an advert for it without thinking about that £10 note that got taken from me. Person - Nigel Slater. I like what he does and has some great recipes out there but he just has *the* most annoying mouth. Watch a cooking show of his and you'll see what I mean. He moves his mouth in funny ways while he's talking and it's irritating. https://youtu.be/8nIxTHf3gu8?t=55


The bitch of a woman I was serving in the restaurant the other day. "Would you like to see the dessert menu?" "Give me ten minutes." "Okay." *ten minutes later I approach the table* **"TEN MINUTES!!"** "Um... I..." #"TEN MINUTES!!" She barked "Yes madam I'll give you another 10 minutes." *15 minutes later* "Would you like to see the dessert menu now?" "Nah just coffee actually." Bitch. Clearly never heard of "please" or "thank you."


Ian Brown slammed the post office door on my pram when I was a baby. He also moved into my mums friends old house and called the police on them for retrieving the cat who had returned from the front garden. Twat.


Salisbury. When I visited for the first time I was in my early twenties, didn't speak a whole lot of English and wanted to find a B&B after almost 15 hours traveling. I know I came unprepared with no reservations (wanted to try camping what was way harder than I imagined). But when I arrived just after 6pm the blooming tourist information was closed and the streets almost completely empty. After 10 minutes with a massive backpack and stuff I finally see someone to ask and he tries to guide me. Unfortunately on the way was a massive roundabout with pedestrian underpasses. And I couldn't bloody remember which one to take. After 30 minutes there were no houses anymore and no fogging B&B's anywhere. Turned around and another 40 minutes later I am somehow back in the city centre. When I came back to the roundabout I finally managed to get the correct way out. Found a nice accommodation, but was too tired and hurting to go out again. Survived the night by eating the biscuits which were in the room. Escaped that hellhole the next morning and had a lovely holiday in Bath and Somerset. 10 days later I thought I have to get a better impression before I leave the country. You wouldn't fogging believe it. Managed to take again the wrong stupid exit. Gave up after that, hate Salisbury. Reminds me of foot pain and tears.


I went to Edinburgh once as a kid with my Dad. We stopped at a roadside caravan that was selling food. I ordered a sausage roll. They gave me a burnt banger in a bun. It was so awful even the seagulls wouldn’t eat it. So, Edinburgh.


A few years ago there was a ‘behind the scenes’ of Poundstretcher and the owner came across like an awful person to work for who was about 20 years behind the rest of the world. Refuse to go in there now — not that is was very often before.


I was once waiting for an xray at the same time as Alan Rickman and he didn't ask if I was ok. I didn't ask if he was ok either, but for some reason that was in no way a reason for me not to feel peeved to this day.


I hate a corner shop next to where I live. First time I went there it was icy and horrible getting there. I forgot my wallet, they offered to keep the stuff behind the counter until I came back to pay but I couldn’t face doing the journey again. 12 years, still not gone back. I go to another shop further away.


It would be funny if the stuff was still behind the counter


Well now I *definitely* can’t go back


Russell Tovey has a head like a sippy cup. You are right to loathe him.


Not a celebrity but I was in primary school and a I collected football stickers at the time. I dropped a few stickers I was about to swap in the playground and a girl slightly older than me caught a shiny of mine. She announced “finders keepers, losers weepers” and I’ve hated her ever since. This was 30 years ago. Petty as fuck but I cannot let it go haha


Aaron fuckjng Nixon. Back in first school, this kid was probably my best friend. Every lunch time we would race from the main door to a metal railing on the other side of the playground and every time I won he'd cry to a teacher that I hit him. Also the teacher from the same school who "confiscated" my half-pack of Rolo's from my lunch one day because "chocolate was banned". Literally saw the bitch eating them in the staff room as I walked past shortly after.


Sam Matterface off ITV who commentates on the football, I've never seen the man in my life but his voice and his mannerisms make me angry when I hear him. The Euro Semi final was hell, I had to withstand that twat for 120 minutes


My girlfriend and I went to see Lower Than Atlantis play in Birmingham… which is a good two hour drive for us. At the end of the show, Mike broke his guitar in half and threw the neck to one side of the crowd and the body to the other. Before the body even left his hand I said to my girlfriend, ‘it’s going to hit me’. And it did, right in the face, and knocked me to the ground. Whilst I was down, some guy picked it up and legged it. Fuck you random guy! That was my guitar. I earned it!


Several of my colleagues wear undersized round glasses in pursuit of the "mysterious intellectual" look. It looks like an affectation and I cannot stand to be in a room with them for more than a few minutes.