T O P
stocksy

Try not to focus on what happened. Instead, try to think about what you've learnt from the experience and what steps you'll take to prevent something similar from happening again.


Biggestbollox

Great advice. Maybe take a lesson or two so an instructor can reassure you & get your confidence back.


stocksy

I like your thinking. Maybe [IAM RoadSmart](https://www.iamroadsmart.com/campaign-pages/end-customer-campaigns/free-tasters) or similar could be worth a look.


Black_Sky_Thinking

After a traumatic event (and it will certainly have been traumatic for you, even if you were at fault), your brain goes over and over the memories, examining the event from every angle in order to maximise the learning from it. It was a scrape with death and ruin, so your brain will naturally learn everything it can to avoid it again. It can be very unplesant, from feeling preoccupied or obsessed, to intrusive thoughts and weird dreams. All part of the process, and soon your brain will have integrated it into your memories and things will be back to normal. Side note - The prevailing theory is that PTSD is what happens when an event was too traumatic for the victim to process all on their own, and they become "stuck" in the post-traumatic state that you're in right now. I'm sure this event won't be anywhere near bad enough for PTSD, but worth noting for anyone reading that a professional psychotherapist can help you get through the processing phase if you become stuck. So anyway, whilst it sounds perverse, in situations like this I've found it helpful to just let myself be preoccupied and shameful, it helps you process it much better than trying to suppress it or convince yourself it wasn't a big deal / wasn't your fault etc. You might not be yourself for a few days, but it's a natural part of the process. ​ Tbh I suspect most people will have a few at-fault accidents in their lifetime. Probability just caught up with you. that's all.


elliomitch

Great response :)


EbonyFalcon24

This point about probability is spot on. A collision is going to happen at some point no matter what you try to do about it. Sometimes you just miss judge the gap. It happened to me on Monday. I was driving home, miss judged a gap and basically got pitted off the road and hit a tree. My car was a total write off and fortunately there was no serious injuries. It's natural to feel guilty, but people make mistakes. Cars are designed to protect people in the case of an accident. At the end of the day you could trip at home and lightly bump your head and do serious damage. So just be thankful that there was no serious injuries and take your time to get back on your feet. You'll get there.


[deleted]

Did you have any witnesses or dashcam footage. I've heard very similar circumstances from relatives, and the insurance of their party decided to make up hearsay and went down it's "your word against theirs" and resulted in a 50/50 claim. I was also hit by a drunk driver who fled the scene who was doing silly speeds straight over a round about, the police filed no log and didn't speak to any of the insurance to confirm the other driver fled the scene with their passengers. And again it was my word against theirs as police went NFA.


WolfyCat

Hey OP, I was in a very similar situation to you last week however my car is written off and I had an audience for mine as it was in city centre during rush hour. It sucks man. I don't have a lot of people to turn to for advice about this kind of stuff so. I'm just going through the insurance process right now and wondering what car I'll end up driving because I really liked mine. Try and keep your head up and focus on moving forward and what you've learned and how you'll prevent that going forward. It's not healthy to dwell on it and a few months from now you'll wonder why you ever did.


mr_el_

Almost same happened to me..7/8 years ago. Me turning right, pulled out on a mini that was indicating left. (Was indicating for the NEXT junction) She didn’t confess to indicator and no dash cam footage so it was 100% down as my fault. Knocked my confidence for a few years, I now never trust any bodies indicators alone. I look for where the driver is looking, where their wheels are pointing, how fast they are travelling. If one of those doesn’t make sense I stay put. Also avoid turning right at that junction like the plague, despite it being almost visible from my house. It gets easier and once you get out driving again confidence will return


sgt_Berbatov

When you were a toddler, there is a moment when you finally get on your feet after spending your entire life (up to that point) crawling. You get on your feet, and you decide to move one leg out in front of the other. You do it, but you fall flat on your backside. It'll be the first time you were ever that high on two feet, and it'll be the first time you ever fell to the ground. What did you do? You tried again. You did exactly what you did before, and you fall again. But you keep doing it don't you? And every time you do it, you're not thinking of the time you fell before. Eventually, you're running and strutting your stuff, and the struggles you had to get there are long forgotten. No one died. No one was hurt. The cars did what they were meant to do. Get back behind the wheel, remember the basics you were taught, and keep going.


DeeplyProfound_

I'm the same. I was too eager to get home late at night after work. A co-worker and I were heading out onto the main road. Wasn't too busy, Whilst I was looking for oncoming cars. The co-worker came to an abrupt stop. And I didn't realise in time. Went into the back of him Luckily. No one was injured and the cars aren't too bad. But it definitely eats away at me.


Exita

I was following a car in snow a few years back. I thought I was far enough back, but clearly wasn’t. Think I was distracted for a second by the radio, and looked up to see him braking. Stamped on the brakes and slid right into the back of him. Children in his car. It wrote my car off, though his was ok in the end and they claimed for whiplash, especially for the children. I felt guilty about that for quite some time. Lots of people have accidents - sometimes it’s going to happen. Tiny errors can cause accidents. You’ve admitted that it was your fault, you’re presumably insured, and at the end of the day it’s just a car. All you can really do is carry on, but learn the lesson and promise yourself that you won’t do it again. I’m really careful with my following distance now, and hate tailgaters. I’ve never got close to making that same mistake again, so to be honest I’m probably a safer driver now than I was before the accident.


MrSquishyCookie

People who drive in the rain with no lights are more of a hazard than they realise. I always put my lights on if it's not blazing sunshine, better safe than dead. Had a lot of this stuff drilled into me by my dad who's been driving lorries forever and seen some mad things on the roads. Truckers decapitated, what he thought was roadkill was actually a woman's corpse who'd jumped under another truck, one biker who had his heart ripped out in a crash somehow. The idea that I could be a part of something like that due to something as simple as not having my lights on terrifies me


PenChaud23

An accident is a big event, you should talk to someone…your GP can refer you for counselling or CBT


no73

Sorry this happened to you - for what it's worth I had a similar experience when I was 20, exactly the same accident (turning right and accidentally cut across an oncoming car I didn't spot), writing both cars off, and it also really shook my confidence in my own driving. In my case I was reported for driving without due care and attention, and as a first offender offered the opportunity to accept a driver retraining course for about £300 as an alternative to points and a fine. I did find it really useful and went on to book another training course which helped restore my confidence. There are a few providers (IAM, RoSPA) who specialise in voluntary post-accident courses which are designed to help you back onto the road and analyse in a blame-free way what happened, how it could have been prevented, and areas for improvement in future. Finally: easier to say than do, but try not to take it to heart. It's called an accident for a reason, you're shaken but everyone walked away, and cars are things can be replaced, which is why we have insurance. At the end of the day it's the best kind of lesson; nobody got hurt but it put a hell of a scare into you.