By - krcook510
This is like trying to shift from first to fifth gear.
I don’t even know how to respond to it.
Say yea, your mom's diary.
Nah, say "yeah, your nan's diary" instead.
‘Yeah, it’s about a guy who asks creepy questions on dating apps in order to shoehorn sex into the conversation. It’s pretty short; in fact I’m only 6 lines in and it’s already come to an end.’
Did I just wander into r/MurderedByWords
Fucking well played. But also, yeesh, what an awkward transition.
But this is good to do ... I know girls just unmatch and the dude never learns what's good or bad
So sad what an idiot
No, a book about the worst chat up lines ever.
No, the worst line ever was delivered to me by a quasi-famous rock star from the 80s (he was aged at the time because this was well after the 80s) "sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up!" I said, "HOW TF OLD ARE YOU? Did this EVER WORK???" I'm sure some star fucker would have eaten that shit alive at some point. Still... GROSS!!!
That is the gold standard of clichéd sleazy comments. I'm not sure it would ever have not been laughable.
It was ridiculous! I'm sure it worked on some girls, back in the day. Hell, could even would now, but not for me! Dude is Grade A grody! Lol Time has also not been good to the dude, either.
Well don’t leave us hanging…who was the rock star? Did their last name rhyme with “Mokken”?
Lol It was Sebastian Bach.
Oh wow really? That’s kinda surprising…just thinking whenever I’d heard or seen him on something, he doesn’t seem like that type. As opposed to someone like Gene Simmons, who seems creepy & weird, even when he’s just talking normally.
He's a total sleezy perve lol.
“Yeah. Mien Kampf”
Just take it straight to psycho to get on his level.
Sad thing is he might be into it. I have that I’m learning German in my profile. Two men that liked my profile deemed it fit to make sure to have shirtless pictures showing their hate tattoos.
Honestly he probably wouldn’t be phased
"Yeah its a fiction novel abour your sex life"
“Are you really that interested in it? I can let you in, and we can turn fiction into reality”
„No thank you, even the fiction was disappointing“
A book more interesting than this conversation
By blocking lol.
You respond by unmatching.
I mean he’ll either try and pass it off as a joke or he’ll double down but he’s obviously only interested in sex if he’s ham handing it in this early. You’re clearly not interested in that stuff or you would know what to reply. I’d say at this stage now you know his intentions it’s better to just unmatch
It honestly could be a weak attempt at a joke but thats not the time at the beginning. And sex novel might be a bad term but lets be honest the most popular type of book among women are romance novels and they are chock full of steamy sex.
> the most popular type of book among women are romance novels
Is it really though? This seems more like a stereotype to me.
You don’t lol
Don’t respond just report and unmatch. He comes off as a creep.
Make up a cute storyline that could be both a book and pornography scene, and add an intellectual touch to make it extra satirical. It’s a good opportunity :)
You could be like "no actually I am reading a sex scroll" but honestly, that would probably just encourage him. If it was me I would just block and move on to the next
No. No sex novel. Just your boring inappropriate text. But I’m done reading for now. Bye.
Rolly eye emoji and nothing more after.
It’s not even a pervy remark, it just plain ignorant. Like there’s probably not a stupider answer available. 😂
Play along and get really perverted, that will shake them
I don't know why people are so creepy, I thought bumble was more for relationships and not hooking up
It is, but that's not going to stop some people
Feels more like trying to shift from first to Optimus Prime.
"Haha okay talk to you later, gonna brush my teeth"
"Your sex teeth?"
This reminds me of the guy who thought he'd be clever and ask me what I had in my nightstand drawer ;) ;). I sent him a picture of the giant bottle of Costco calcium supplement that's in there.
Did he ask you if you did dirty things with it? I feel like that’s where some creepers would go.
they'd just be like "without me??"
Amazing. I hope he took it well? Lots of great bones joke potential there!
I think has was too simple for that. And very disappointed. Lol
Bummer! On to the next one, I suppose.
It’s so weird that guys will get a girl willing to talk to them, then they say the most bizarre unnecessary shit.
Seriously. I can't help but feel like a bitter asshole about shit like this (mostly why I had to quit OLD) because I would kill to get such an easy way in for a conversation.
I'm starving, looking for breadcrumbs and this guy gets a freshly baked bun and proceeds to use it as toilet paper.
Ask him if he knows what you can make hard for him.
Then tell him you can make a hard “no” for him.
I like this.
I never understood how other men can type this type of stuff out, say it in their head, and press send and think it’ll work. There’s gotta be a deep explanation to this. Maybe society has failed us. Maybe the industrial revolution was a mistake.
I’m not really sure where he was expecting that to go.
Either nowhere or straight to the sexy train, and he will live with either result. Shooters shoot
go to sex? now???
How did you respond? So much potential for you to shut that down!
The industrial revolution WAS a mistake (probably).
Sometimes it does work. I met someone who loves sex novels and sent me all her favorite passages.
2 sentences in though? Sexualizing conversation is not "always bad" but you have to have *some* kind of connection first. I don't doubt that this kind of thing works sometimes but why lessen your chances so much by being that over eager and impatient?
Oh for sure. I'd never do it myself. But sometimes women do it with me and it works fine. Presumably if I had done it to that specific subpopulation they might have enjoyed it. I think we generally underestimate the diversity in people's tastes and overproject ourselves onto others.
they have no clue how to talk a woman into sex. So they are idiots that fail and keep doing it.
Also if he was good enough looking for a match, maybe some girls who want their 15 minutes of shame would say something he wants. Maybe it happened once (with a catfish) and he thinks it worked.
Probably just bored and shooting his shot
The space before the comma too, urgh
Because it probably works on 1 in 50 women
"You miss one hundred percent of shots you don't fire" is a true sentiment and these guys play a numbers game. All it takes is one horny girl to succeed.
You ain't gotta put me on blast like that geez
My bad boo
Ahahahahahaha A SEX NOVEL???
God damn that made me laugh some guys got no chill whatsoever.
As she caressed his well muscled and totally hairless chest, he shoved his turgid manhood into her moist pleasure cave. Oh! She said "We are having the sex" "Yes!" He said "I read about this in a sex novel, that is a novel about sex" His stiffness made circley motions, 'OH!' She said "That is very circley!" "Yes!" He said, "I read about that in a sex novel, that is a novel about sex" "Well!" She said "you must be a good reader!" "Yes!" He said "I like to read sex novels, they are novels about sex!"
Thanks, i hate it.
Stop it, you're making me turgid.
It’s a set up. So when you say “no” it can be followed up with “wanna write our own”
He's clearly incapable of writing anything interesting though.
“How to Avoid Douchebags on Bumble”
Man after having 90% of my matches not even reply I’m salty this guy has a good chance only to say this smh.
I was talking to a woman and asked her what she she did for a living. She said, “stripper.”
I’m like *Yes! Achievement unlocked!* but then she admitted she was yanking my chain and she was some kinda financial analyst.
So it occurs to me: what is the thing that women cannot bring up too early, lest she be gross?
Maybe asking a man how much money he earns in a year?
So many things a woman can't bring up too soon.
Kink, any discussion of her kids (or, I imagine, her wanting to have kids), any problems her kids are having, anything negative about an ex, having > 1 cat, any financial issues, any weight gain during covid, if she thinks the last guy she dated was kind of a douche, if she actually doesn't like [whatever hobby or festival or dog or truck he raves about], anything that makes her sound "too independent" or too educated or too successful...
Is this your opinion or a summary of what you think others think?
I've had women bring all of them up and nothing has bothered me.
Even when she's got two cats.
Nah you're just weeding out socially psycho people. There's a lot of them..
I have had women bring up *all* of those topics in a first conversation!
And you think if I complained about it here, I would get any sympathy?
“Oh yeah, women who mention cats right off the bat are sooo gross.”
It might be those topics make the conversation less successful, but if so, the man is blamed.
I think that's one of it. I've heard many complaints from guys where dating apps are just an option for girls to score a free meal.
And that there are apparently many girls that make the whole thing about how much money a guy can bring to their table
We all know the bed is exclusively for reading sex novels, if you're reading anything else you're sat in an upright chair by an open fireplace wearing a robe and sporting a gold monocle.
Wtf is a sex novel??
Tell him it's your Jersey Shore fan fiction that you write for a small blog and that it took you weeks to write and you never showered the whole time.
👄: That’s a hard no for me
Did anyone else cringe when they read this?
The conversation was drier than the Sahara
For science has anyone ever had sex with a guy that talks like this? Is it good sex? I always imagine guys like this are really selfish lovers.
It’s called erotica. Tell him to get it right.
Sounds a bit immature to me, and yep that early on. Even if you said you were reading mills and boon, and? Ie then what?
Tell tale signs of someone looking for gratification. Lead with what are you reading? I generally like xyz
And the best part, he’s 38.
Hard no then! If he was 22, I would say let that slide and move on and think next strike and you’re out but not when someone is 38!!!
Like it’s a wild gamble to hope and try and connect over your mutual love of Mills and boon novels!
He probably hasn’t gotten laid since before the pandemic. It makes you crazy.
Source: ehhh never mind 😅
mfs always want to find a way to turn a conversation sexual.
it's me. I'm mfs
It's an awkward attempt at flirting. The person thinks they're "supposed" to do that to avoid being F bombed.
Yea, 50 shades of what the fuck guy?
Now it's a ghost story lol.
Are you playing with your gina while you’re reading it?
Newhart, Dylan, the Builder, Marley - which bobs would you like to see?
All the bobs, roger that
Jesus Christ wtf is wrong with folks??
If there is a next time, try this: "No not a sex novel. The Penal Code. Right now I'm reading about the crime of harassment. You know, when a person has the intent to harass, annoy or alarm another."
This made me LOL
I mean, at least he was trying. 🤣
Kind of him to wave a red flag early in the conversation…
Didn't you know? sex novels are the only novels women are allowed to read.
They put a space before the comma, what do you expect
I unironically love this as a form of humor about what this has become.
Seeing a lot of comments on how this isn't the best interaction, whilst the last statement is maybe not the way to go, can anyone give an example to what would be a more interesting response? I'll be honest I'm rubbish so replying with 'good thanks you, what are you upto' etc seem like a natural flow?
A simple "what you reading?" would suffice. Discussion could flow from that easily
I don't think you understand how many people do that
Okay but what are you reading OP if not a sex novel (which we can only assume he meant erotic romance as erotica usually sticks to short stories)? Hmmmm? The world has to know!
Edit: added a “what” and corrected some spelling because fat fingering is my middle name.
0 to 100, Real Quick 💯
“I too love to read! I was just reading my restraining order.”
As smooth as sandpaper
Smooth, very smooth.
My brother is at rock bottom
Fk is wrong with people?
Grown ass man
“Manual for a carburetor I am rebuilding, haven’t read the whole thing, so there is still time for it to get sexy I guess.”
"Why, yes! It's a book about your penis. I love short stories."
Lmao I can't fathom what goes through their heads to only think with the downstairs one smh
He is either only interested in sex period, or he is only interested in sex with you because he thinks he is out of your league and would not want to pursue a proper date. Either way at least he let you know early and did not waste a lot of time.
Man, I dont even mind the sex being a month or few months away if it means at least making a connection.
Lol fuck your book
I'm pretty sure she ghosted 👻👻👻 you after that comment or did she respond back
The people on this thread are SO quick to judge. Chill, folks. That's not the worst thing in the world to say. It's innocuous.
If you are trying to appeal to a woman it’s not good and well worth judgment
Nope Im judging, dude’s f’n cringe and needs to learn how to talk to people.
We're just judging him to be a useless flirt.
Reading this I don’t really see it crossing the creep line but I view it light hearted that could be turned even non sexual by both parties.
The whole talk of people saying report if it isn’t for you why not just unmatch? He didn’t speak any violence or talk of any type of sexual violence he purely made a joke off what you are reading that doesn’t line up to your thinking but I bet there are plenty that will take that comment he made and run with it and probably be a good match.
I would never report someone for that. I understand that it’s supposed to be a joke, but it’s just not funny. I could run with it and try to make it funny. I hope he does find his match.
Shes tryna spice up the conversation, its kinda bland but she wants to it lead somewhere
It’s a guy.
Ngl, when i put "keen attention to detail" on my resume i may or may not be telling the truth
And when you put “always tells the truth on my résumé” on your résumé, was that telling the truth?
If i tell you i was lying could you believe me?
When you have a whole ass person you’ve never met in your match queue you shouldn’t need to “spice up” the convo about sex after 2 sentences. Talk about travel, music, food, art, life, adventure, literature, hobbies, animals, space, cars, science, comedy, exercise, cooking or any of the nearly endless things that exist.
If you are going right for my vagina then I assume you’re probably dull as hell and that doesn’t get me wet. I love sex more than anything, it’s my favorite hobby. At best it’s going to take an hour or two out of your day. I need someone to be cool the 23 hours a day we are clothed.
Also, i have to say thanks for the insight, its great to know im not boring (all) people with my casual conversations. I dont like using internet pick up lines but creative writing was never my forté either. I do throw in casual jokes in and some pick up lines but usually stick to something i know to talk about + mentioned in her bio
Because of my job I talk to strangers all day every day. Like I’m literally on a bus with a dozen senior citizens for 2 weeks right now, last week I had thirty 20 year olds, in a couple weeks I will have 8th graders. I can converse with any and all of them.
I think on dating apps people really overvalue being polished and having pick up lines. Just be who you are, be yourself. Otherwise it’s exhausting. Several of my matches have said I’m the best convo they’ve had. I’m just curious about people and ask questions. I love hearing and telling stories. Fuck pickup lines. Don’t feel like you need talking points. Maybe at first it will be awkward but there’s so much to learn about each other. A conversation should be a two way street. If your matches are just saying “I like hiking wbu” then don’t blame yourself, blame them for being boring and be happy you saved yourself from a boring date and probably boring sex.
Yeah i wasn't paying attention and didnt catch it was the guy talking.
Pro tip: if someone mentions sex in the first 4 messages, it's always the guy. No matter how much women love sex, we don't write ish like that.
The conversation was boring and frustrating, he added some spice to it and I find it hilarious!
The conversation hadn’t even really started yet.
That was cute and funny. You should’ve said yes, and come up with a funny title, like 69 Shades of Grey (only much better than that).