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Partner suddenly has cold feet and now I've lost all happiness for this baby.

Partner suddenly has cold feet and now I've lost all happiness for this baby.

lil_puddles

I think those are perfectly legitimate things for him to be worried about. This doesnt sound like an ideal situation for either of you so youre both going to have to communicate communicate communicate.


barnacles07

My husband (we had been together 3.5 years and married for 1 when I got pregnant) and I tried for ~8 months before I got pregnant with our first. I was in a committed long term relationship and it was a planned baby and I STILL had some doubts in the first trimester about whether it was right / going to be ok. His feelings and worries are totally normal and not necessarily an indication of anything other than being anxious to have a baby on the way in a relatively new relationship. Don’t shame him for his feelings, let him talk about them and be supportive of him. You are also totally reasonable to feel sad he doesn’t seem 100% down with it yet. All I can say to that is, for some people, it just takes a little longer to adjust to this gigantic impending life change.


Alilbitey

Those are very real concerns. Most people can't say they truly know each other until they've lived together (or close enough to see how they are when it's not "date time" and when things get stressful and "emotionally naked".) A LDR means the time you spend is much more spread out and it's easier to gloss over how life stresses make people behave and overlook places you may not be compatible (like in finances, room-mate level details, extended family, etc) . It's right to be unsure of how that will work out, because it's untested. Having a pregnancy 6 months into a brand new relationship really is trial by fire, and it could work out: or it could not. If you do not have this person in your life long term, (romantically speaking), will you want your child any less? If the answer is yes, you're not a monster for considering all your alternatives and choosing what is best for you. If the answer is no, then do what you can to make it work between you and your Mister, and if by chance it doesn't work out, you will still have a very loved little creature that is your son/daughter.


ebowlby33

Not the same situation, but my brief story. Bf and I lived together for 1.5 years. We separated and a month later found out I was pregnant. Initially he wanted to keep it, and we heard the heartbeat at 7 or 8 weeks. After that he got cold feet and there was talk of an abortion.i decided I couldn't after hearing the heartbeat(would've prior to that). Now 3.5 years later we have our son, our daughter due any day now, and we own a small home. All that to say, his worries are valid, but it is possible to grow together. All you guys can do is be honest with each other. I hope it all works out in the end.


BusHumble

❤️ maybe things will get better between you with time? 2 weeks isn’t a long time to process a big life change like this


Canala00045

Honestly if I were in his shoes I would be way way way more scared than you're saying he's letting on. 6 months dating, long distance and now he has a pregnant gf? Before even the fun of living together, traveling together, getting in sync with being in eachothers spaces, etc etc. I'd be worried as fuck. Those are huge things that build foundations for relationships you're just skipping to add in the full time stress of a child. you've been the one struggling with infertility so you're seeing it as a way more positive situation than he is and I do not blame him at all. His concerns are totally valid. Sorry that I do not agree with you and I'm sorry for your infertility struggles but I don't want you thinking he's being unfair because I absolutely do not think he is unless he's pushing you to get abortion.


thehelsabot

Hey if you can still imagine raising and loving this baby alone I would go for it. You don’t need to have a partner to have a baby. The desire for romantic love and maternal love are not conditional on each other and plenty of women decide to parent alone and end up happy with their choice and child. That being said, if you want your LDR to change into a more standard relationship and the other party decides they want to coparent then that’s great too.


owlsnarks

Give it time. It can feel so sudden and stressful but you have a lot of time to get used to it.


Professional-Okra704

These are all legitimate feelings, but can someone tell me what an LDR relationship is?


squeakysunshine

Long distance relationship


Albertaceratops

Must have just hit him. It happens to people, where the whole “I’ve helped create life” thing makes them freak out. Have you had an open conversation about his feelings with him? He could have meant that if it was planned you two wouldn’t be in an LDR and he could be around you all the time, he wouldn’t have to worry about if something happens or missing the birth or missing time with the baby


floatingriverboat

I understand. I’m in a similar situation but much worse because he doesn’t want to coparent. I’ve come to terms with the fact that he’s not excited about my pregnancy in the same way I am. It’s sad but dont let this be the end of the world. Enjoy your pregnancy and raise your child. This is a miracle and its your choice to keep and raise this child. But it’s not your choice to force him to be happy about it the way you are


justasoftboi2922

I don’t have a lot of advice other than please do not terminate a pregnancy unless it is 100% what you know in your heart you want or need. I’d recommend talking to a counselor together if that’s an option.


FayeFaraday

Don’t let him pressure you into something you will regret. This is your *child*. Your baby. It’s also his and he’s not being fair to either of you.


squeakysunshine

I don’t think he’s being unfair. These are legitimate concerns to have and he is entitled to be worried. That doesn’t mean that she can’t be sad about it though. And it definitely doesn’t mean they can’t have a happy ending. OP, I think you need to make your choice for yourself with the idea that it might not work out with him. If you guys break up in two years, do you still want the baby? You may want the baby regardless and you may not. You’ll make the right choice for you. Lots of hugs.


FayeFaraday

I feel like her post made it seem like she really wants to keep the baby since she has been infertile for so long. So him pressuring her to get rid of the baby just seems messed up to me.


LaurelThornberry

I don't know he's full actually pressuring her to abort. If he is just putting it on the table because of the overall circumstance, that doesn't make him a bad guy.


latinsarcastic

Exactly. She's struggled with infertility for 10 years and feels like this is her only chance. It sounds like she wants it and while his concerns are valid, it doesn't sound like enough to think of termination.


FayeFaraday

That’s what I got from her post


TeaThyme420

You're pregnancy is still very new... Give it time. It's life changing. My husband freaked out when I became pregnant with our first and we had been together for 8 years at that time. He came around and is an absolutely amazing dad... He just needed his time to freak out and then come to terms. Keep working on your relationship and hopefully things will fall into place.


woofclicquot

My partner and I had been together for (at the time) 4 years, living together for 2, when I got surprise pregnant. It was HARD. Emotions can be intense. It’s a big change. Give it time to sink in. In the end, we ended up talking to a pregnancy decision counsellor who helped us talk to each other, work through our fears, and make our plan/decision. It really did help to have a neutral 3rd party!


Low_Ebb_7799

Well here’s my story. Maybe you have some hope from it. I was in a LDR (American, he’s Brazilian). We were in it for just over 1 year before I ended up pregnant. I did get to spend lockdown with him for about 2 months, and saw him a combined ~6 months out of one year before I got pregnant… but nonetheless, we were LD. I got pregnant and he was ecstatic! He’s a family guy and we both were (are) head over heels for each other. I’m 37 weeks now, I moved to his country to be with him and things ended up being alright. Actually, we are perfect for each other. I know (believe me, I KNOW, because I was your SO at one point) that it’s scary. But only you can accurately judge the relationship and ultimately know if it’s going to workout. You need to be VERY honest with yourself. Don’t allow yourself to be blind to ANYTHING. Personally, I know we will work. My SO is extremely go with the flow and easy to get along with, he handles me well and makes me wants to be more like him. I’m a work in progress, trying to be the best I can for the most supportive and awesome man in the world. You know yourself, you know him, now ask yourself— can it work? Obviously if you’re unwilling to abort, that’s ok too. But if that’s that case, and you don’t foresee the relationship working, you need to prepare to be a single mom. Good luck!