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Avmaktsslave

I just responded to this in another thread, so I'll say the same thing here: For me it's the ultimate vulnerability and intimacy. I tell him all the things that I'm ashamed of, all the things that I normally push down, and by including it in our dynamic (by insulting me for it) he shows me that even with these thoughts and wants, he still wants me. He wants me *because* of those things, because they offer a contrast to who I am in everyday life. A contrast that only he gets to see. For me it's not role play, it's important that there's a core of truth to it. When he tells me that I am a cheap, pathetic slut or a worthless, disgusting whore, I know that in that moment he means it. That doesn't mean that he can't see that I am *also* a confident, competent woman, a funny and smart person that he adores. He simply knows me intimately enough to know, accept and appreciate *all* of my facets.


JaspersaurusRawr

That's beautifully explained, thank you 😊


trey74

This is excellent. When I call my SO things like "my little cumslut" I mean it, but She also knows She is my partner, my Queen, and my "Good Girl" too. It's a part of Her, and I love Her completely, totally, and every part/facet of Her. What an excellent way to put it. /u/tinker8 is my girl, hehe. She's amazing.


kiwilasss

God this is well written and explained. This is it. Being fully known for all these things too, and enjoyed because of them, not in spite of them.


elvie18

Okay I didn't come into this thread to fucking CRY BUT HERE I AM ANYWAY.


[deleted]

Ive never been heavily into this until my fwb, M. I’m pretty sure I was the one that asked him to start doing it. I was just like you where I only loved being praised. But as I got more and more submissive with him, I craved that deeper sense of being his and his only. When he tells me I’m his fucktoy or cum slut or a bad girl or whatever, he makes it a point to say “My” its never just “you’re a slut” its “youre MY slut” For me its that sense of ownership, and a little bit of “yea Daddy, Im your bad girl now lemme show you just how bad I can be” and it’s my excuse to be his little whore without judgment. I feel like this dynamic help me be more submissive with him and adds that sense of being used. That being said though, aftercare is important with these types of dynamics. Its important that after a session like that, he gives all the love and attention and show that he cares about your wellbeing. Doesn’t work for me any other way. -S


JaspersaurusRawr

Aww okay! This actually brings a lot of light to it, thank you 😊 I'm not very subby with my husband. He's very kind and not much of a brat tamer haha. Might be a different story with another person who I really feel I need to warn the approval of.


[deleted]

Haha my fwb, M, is also very kind and I didn’t think he was much of a brat tamer either but every time I brat, Daddy surprises me. I also enjoy taunting him, telling him he won’t ever hurt me, I love telling him that he’s too much of a nice guy to punish me knowing it’ll only wanna make him punish me more. I will say I was very surprised by the spankings I got. -S


alphakajira

For me, similar to the first comment. Gotta have a core of truth. And I also have trauma that affects this, but it makes me feel prouder and combats the shame I feel with it when said by my Sir, especially during play. I feel every one of the degrading comments Sir can make on a daily regular basis even without him saying it but it's not his voice or mine in my head when it happens. It's essentially slowly changing the voice I hear when it's said and instead of contempt and disgust, I start to hear love and adoration. I start to hear Sirs loving voice saying it instead of the others who truly meant all of it in the worst ways. I hear pride in his voice as well. Sir loves how much of a slut I can be and loves when I let it out and let my freak flag fly so to speak. It turns him on to see and hear and experience. He loves that I'm willing to do almost anything in the kink realm for and with him. He gives aftercare every time and tells me in between how much he loves and adores me, how much he loves and accepts every part of me, how intelligent and capable and strong I am, etc. I know he sees me as a whole person. And instead of rejecting what so many others have and shaming me for it, he encourages me to REVEL in it. So he really and truly SEES me as I am and loves me for all of it. It helps also to make me feel more submissive and more eager to please him and do anything he wants to indulge in. And in the way sir does it makes me feel desired and wanted and sexy. Like all those things I've been shamed for are actually good things and there's nothing wrong with me like so many others made me believe. And being so vulnerable with him feels good


alphakajira

As for chastity, it's hot lol. I don't have a belt yet(it's been ordered and will arrive in the next few weeks) but I already love anal and orgasm control and denial (I'm actually currently on day 26 without orgasms). When sir takes this control and takes this decision away from me, I feel relieved. He knows me in and out and knows how much he can typically push with things and how mu h I can take of things. Whether it's impact play, or denying me orgasms and instead edging me. Denial makes my libido get turned up by 20 and I gain far more pleasure from his pleasure. I am almost at the point I can edge mentally while he's fucking my face without touching any other part of me. It also makes me feel like I'm floating on a high. And it strings out my own pleasure, longer. Like an orgasm after a couple weeks of edging and denial? Oof, those orgasms always make me cry with how strong and intense and incredible they are. Way more so than just run of the mill daily orgasms ever did. It also lowers my inhibitions. I'm more willing to try stuff I was anxious about and it makes every touch on my skin feel electric. Showers now are their own experience as the water runs over my skin and I can feel it everywhere. The warmth, the softness of the water, the smoothness of it rolling down my body. Sends shivers down my spine and I've even moaned a few times out loud. It also makes me adjust the idea that I have to orgasm in order to enjoy and get pleasure from a sexual encounter. My pleasure comes from more areas and such now cuz I'm more aware of my body and what gives it pleasure now. But I can feel fulfilled and happy with sex even when I don't cum now. Do I enjoy cumming? Of course I do lol. But they are so much better when I finally get the permission after weeks of denial and the orgasms last a couple minutes each at least when I finally get them and make it so worth it. There's also empowerment. It's empowering to know the control you have over your body that at the point others can't stop, I can. I can string it out for so much longer than just having an orgasm would ever give. And this is coming from someone who cums easily and quickly via many methods and can get up to almost mid double digits in one hour if someone's trying hard enough.


Freeusecs

All of this!!!! You and I have common experiences with both degradation and chastity/orgasm denial


alphakajira

That's awesome 🥰🥰 it's truly wonderful and I love it so much to feel that control, mmmff 🫠🤤 melty lol


Terrylovesyogourt

Not into degredation. For us, chastity is about power exchange. My partner is queer, asexual and a sadist. Locking me up satisfies each of those things, in terms of our relationship, both kink, and in general. She had been frustrated for the 16 years I've known her, that partners would say that they want to serve, and their sexual needs were not important. That was never actually the case, even when we started out, I was fairly cock centric. To her, when we realized we had a kink chemistry, "Dick is the biggest impediment to good service that there is". She weaned me off masturbation, then sex, then introduced full time chastity and denial. That was an amazing process and journey. For me, I have a denial fetish, am sexually masochistic it seems, and as we've gone on, a deep desire to please, and give her what she needs/wants. I am more turned on by the reality that I'm no longer for sex, than I am by the thought of sex. My chastity cage is my collar and my denial is my offering of commitment to her. I get unlocked for CBT (rarely) and I get hard for that, till I've taken enough that I go soft, then I get locked up again. That is our version of sex. It's in no way degradation, even when it's part of her desire for me to not be a man, but rather her boi, because I want that too.


yessbasil

seems like you two found a dynamic that’s works for you and it sounds super fun too


Just_Another_Scott

> Why do you like degradation? Or chastity? I can't specifically answer your first question, as I am like you. I do not particularly like degradation/humiliation. I like praise. Although, as for the chasity, I enjoy it because it makes me more aroused. The feeling of the restriction just really does it for me.


DontEatMyShorties

Sometimes I enjoy it because I want to cry but can’t, and telling a woman she can basically mock me until I do just feels special. Like she’s bullying me because she cares about me. Other times, I enjoy it because it helps my dom get their anger or irritation out if they’re having a bad day, and need a way to vent their anger to feel better. Being a sub in that context means to me that my number one role is to be an object that my dom can treat like shit with no consequences. By letting my dom bully me, I’m helping her through her bad day. And then of course, it’s just fun sometimes as well. And I also enjoy getting to be the one who can consensually and affectionally harass my sub until she starts tearing up. It’s like an unconventional way of showing affection.


[deleted]

I just to feel objectified and like its not about me. If I'm being degraded I feel like I'm being used for their pleasure not mine. It helps me feel more submissive.


kiwilasss

I like the secret side of myself being known. Being fully known and embraced for that. I like the reminder that's all I'm there for, no weight of responsibility or decision making on me.


StoneMao

Not chastity exactly, but we used to play a dice game where if I rolled 1 to 4, I was not allowed to touch myself sexually (Hygiene exception). Part of it was that even if she was not physically present, she was constantly present in my sexuality and, thus, in my head space. I felt closer to her on those days.


NewIllumination921

I just became aware of how into degradation I am through GWA/audio porn. I just like dirty talk and attractive men saying mean things to me during sex. I think it’s because I was bullied by my first grade school crush but who knows?


CanYouTrustHarvey

For me degradation and humiliation are both on a spectrum of emotional spanking. Like physical spanking, it causes me pleasure through taking some pain. Chastity is related to this but also I enjoy the submission to someone else. Being denied orgasm helps me to really appreciate sensuality and take even more pleasure in my partners pleasure. I just love being in that mindset


runningorca

May I piggyback to OP’s question and ask if there’s anyone who’s on the asexual spectrum and enjoys degradation? It seems ‘slut’, ‘whore‘ are quite commonly used in degradation. But they carry sexual connotations don’t they (or is it me being EAL)?I guess my question is what are some other non-sexual aspects to be degraded? Intelligence maybe one I gather but oh man that’s an absolutely no-go for me lol


lee-mood

I have a lot of feelings about this because I only like very specific kinds of degradation (but I like them a lot). I don't even know if I have the energy to say everything right now lol. I will try to paraphrase. the more stereotypic types of degradation I consider a turnoff because they feel uninspired and gauche to me to put it really really simply. Telling me I was bad isn't exciting it's annoying. Calling me a slut isn't arousing it's boring. Using commonplace tactics for degradation makes me feel like the person I am doing the scene with both doesn't know me well enough to come up with anything other than something lazy and trite, and doesn't care to put in real effort or creativity to dazzle me with their wits lol -- it's more of a feeling than a full on opinion. It's just really underwhelming to be expected to engage with NPC stock phrases like that. They don't excite me. The kind of degradation and humiliation I DO like tends to be about logic or puzzles, being set up trying to complete impossible tasks, etc. As a person who is reasonably clever, it really gets me going when someone can make me feel stupid. In like a broad scope sense if I'm just a dumbass then it means maybe the world isn't as horrific a place as I fear it is because it reinforces how limited my perceptions are, and that brings me immense existential comfort. It's also really freeing to be able to occasionally become head empty no thoughts because that way my brain can't be mean to me and also I don't feel the burden of endless expectation as a burnt out former "gifted" kid.


little-kitten-slut

So I have a praise kink as well; for me degradation is taking away that perfect angel title I was saddled with as the good kid. I like when my partner acknowledges out loud all the things that nobody who knew me then would believe now. Degradation can be anything really, not just the types of things that you said give you the ick. For me, sometimes it’s names, or repeating my kinkiest fantasies during sex, or telling me how I was getting him horny all day (it can be an art to figure out more creative ways). The best thing my partner has done is mix praise and degradation, which you might be more into if you want something to try.


[deleted]

Praise and degradation hit different pleasure centers for me though degradation only works in a relationship with someone I trust. Mix the two and I am putty in a dominant’s hands. If you want to degrade someone mix it with your praise kink. Some rando on the street calling me a slut would just make me go “Huh, what?” When someone I trust and care about calls me their slutty little boy I grin like a crazy person and just want to kiss their feet and hug them. Chastity varies by person. Most who wear them both love and hate being caged. It is the contrast and the surrender and the trust and the intimacy and giving up control and a bunch of other stuff all mixed together.