This thread has been locked pending moderator review.
This is not a vaginal function per se but if we could turn periods off (without having to take any medication) when we’re not trying to have kids that would be great. Other than that, it’s cool.
How about changing it in Settings from default On to default Off?
The Inda Quartet by Sherwood Smith is a really great fantasy novel series that actually does this, and I've always been so taken with the notion. Rather than everyone being fertile by default, there's a specific super common herb that you have to make tea from before you can have kids. It just seems so much better.
While it sounds wonderful, from an evolutionary stand point it's super unfeasible especially in climates where plants don't grow every season. But I mean it's from a fantasy novel so who cares.
I mean, there are plenty of animals that get one period per year.
Honestly, why can’t we just turn off pain once we get the point. Like ok I feel the alarm of danger that you are trying to send me but you don’t have to keep cranking on my insides over and over again.
Also I got the point day 1 of bleeding. I'm not pregnant, thank you. I don't need to be told for 7 days!
Hmmm… it does have to keep flushing til clean, maybe a *faster* flush? Like same volume but get it done in a day or two?
Or, once a month you pass it all at once, like taking a dump.
Ok few years back I started taking a supplement that impacts your hormones but I got the dosing off. Nothing bad happened but one side effect was that my period started coming out really fast but more viscous. On day 2 I went to pee and felt “something,” looked down and it looked like I birthed a jelly fish. And that was it, maybe a little spotting, and my usually 7 day period wrapped in 2. I was too freaked out to keep this going but like why can’t it be one bloody jellyfish and done?
🤣🤣🤣 and it would kinda prepare you for when you birth an actual child…nothing in this world prepared me for the feeling when the kid actually plops out…that was weird AF
Honestly we would die bcs who would care to get this or that pain (unrelated to periods) checked out if you could just tick the *pain noted* box
Maybe you could do it like when that annoying first alarm rings and you send it to sleep... ok no you are correct I'd die for sure.
Snooze. Snooze. Snooze. ☠️ You lose
Ah, but the human body is perfectly crafted!
Could we not just make the whole thing removable? “I won’t need this today while I’m out and about or at work, I’ll just leave it in the nightstand” would be super.
Great give me anxiety about someone breaking in and stealing my vageen lmao
It’s be a shitshow! People selling them, pawn shops with cases of them on display. And my favorite… “This week on ‘Horders’”!
Well of course you’d have to insure it. Imagine the premium on those…
Omg, could you imagine if you had **replacement** coverage! 😂
Oh, nah, it’s a loaner… Mines in the shop!
And imagine have to buy some cheap replacement from Walmart because you don't have money to get as good as original was.
Have you never heard the cautionary tale of Detachable Penis?
Why yes, [I have](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byDiILrNbM4)
I always wondered why humans couldn't be more like cats and have induced ovulation instead of cyclic.
But barbed penii. *shudder*
Um, for *reals*? (I don’t wanna look it up)
Uuh, but female cats do regularly go in heat, and it doesn't look or sound like something I would want to go through
Having rescued a cat from the streets last year and waited for two months to have her spayed due to busy vets, I can tell you, all that howling for a week at a time every other week is quite the goings on.
Maybe some kind of flashing light indicator for when you are pregnant too
i was thinking maybe it could print a receipt or something
Haha even better, with the date of conception! now i want it to beep and make printer noises
Only downsides would be having to restock yourself with printer paper. Still sounds better than an IUD though...
OMG, brilliant. Yep, that’s it.
I wish I had more upvotes for this.
As a gentle, friendly deterrent to sexual assault. 🙂
Can there be a feature where we activate the teeth in emergencies only? 😂
Haha yeah, it would definitely be strictly voluntary activation!
Love the idea but there will certainly be a disorder to follow where there is a woman with a vagina that bites every thing that touches it.
Or maybe when she climaxes it clamps down. 😅
*Inspired by the mating rituals of the mantises*
As someone with vaginismus (involuntary muscle spasms)... Yeah it's gonna be a no on the teeth, just in case 😂
We're just gonna turn the vaginismus feature to disabled, off forever mmk? That was a trial option and clearly it sucks.
> there will certainly be a disorder to follow where there is a woman with a vagina that bites every thing that touches it.
I can imagine this happening with a psychological disorder after surviving sexual assault. Vaginismus can also be caused by trauma
Have you seen the movie Teeth? This is a plotline of it 🤣
Haha I actually haven't!
Sounds like it's worth watching though...
Absolutely. It's a bit campy and ridiculous, but I loved it. Definitely worth watching!
Emergency chomping action...yes.
No means teeth, as it were.
In addition to teeth, I want a tongue so I can lick while I fuck, or lick them back when I like what they're doing.
the ol' south mouth
Great, now I just discovered a new fetish. Thanks 😐
I like this. I’m in fact, a very big fan of this
Even more teeth to brush then :(
Vaginas are self cleaning, we’re good! 🤣
How about a poison instead of teeth? Harmless to our bodies, while making rapists’ dicks rot.
Which spreads to the rest of their bodies
That would lead to be some awkward dentist appointments.
Dipping your bits in mouth wash 😖
There is an invention apparently in South Africa that is like a female condom of sorts, and has little barbs on it that will pierce someone’s dick if sexual assault is attempted.
Probably not ideal though if you forget and reach up in there and hurt yourself 🤷🏻♀️
I can't imagine.... Forgetting that
Yes- I believe it is marketed in a couple of countries now.
Here's my issue. Say you're getting down with a guy consensually. There's a loud noise outside and it startles/scares you. You accidentally bite off your guys peen
I mean, this could already happen while giving a bj, theoretically.
Well I guess that brings up another critique which is that tons of people are forced to give BJ's and teeth haven't helped us there :(
Just like the folklore of vagina dentata! Only with the added feature of being able to disable it when needed.
There's also the movie, I think it's called Teeth 😅
And not like human teeth, something more shark like would be ideal.
Yeah I’m picturing like those metal bear traps that snap shut when something touches it
Hahaha nice like that teeth movie
Ah, I’m assuming you’ve seen this [film](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teeth_(2007_film)) before?
Maybe retractable claws instead
Only then my dental costs become twice as much :(
All the period comes out in one go, neatly, with no arsecrack backflow at night. And no misbehaving.
I would love to retire my nighttime pad self-wedgie routine!
Try a cup! They're great for night time.
I'm scared of them shifting and exploding everywhere all at once 😭
once you get the hang of it, this fear goes away completely. i can confidently say i have never personally had a period explosion. also, they very rarely shift, leakage in the beginning is usually just from not enough practice but again, goes away when you get the hang of it
I’ve had that a couple of times, where my lining shed all at once, it was absolutely excruciating, all I did for about three hours was profusely sweat, vomit, cry and bleed, thanks endo. Would not recommend😰
Same! Absolutely horrific
SAME. I was screaming in a pillow and crying my eyes out. And my shirt was stuck to my back from sweating. It was horrific. My fiance was about ready to send me to the hospital before it ended. Ibuprofen didn't do anything either. So so so painful.
I didn't think it was possible to have your period all at once but lo and behold...the next day I was just spotting a tiny bit and then it was gone. I was like🧐⁉️
I’ve always thought laying a nice, neat egg once a month would be nice.
Plus you wouldn't need to worry about breakfast that day
Put some toilet paper there. Fixes the issue. Taught to me by my mother whose college roommate shared it with her! Works like a charm.
Always makes these super long overnight pads, they solve the problem and are great for lazy period days at home!
I gave up and just started buying depends type undies and it has been a life changer for the super heavy days. Haven't ruined any sheets or clothes in so long!!
The labia should be able to unfold into a funnel for peeing standing up.
This is brilliant lmao
That's the most magical thing I've ever read. Thank you
I laughed out loud. Thank you, I didn't know I needed to have this visual but I really did. Amazing.
You understood the assignment.
The ability to pee without sitting on a public toilet or doing a weird balancing act
Longer distance between the bladder and urethra so less of a tendency for UTIs
Make it less effected by things that can cause yeast infections/ BV
Overall the vagina is complicated and sometimes delicate- so much can go wrong if conditions are not ideal 😁
100000% all for infection ones. I feel like anything I do is just a huge risk for a uti, YI, or BV. It would be great to live with the fear that I'm going to get an infection from anything at any moment
Hell I got a yeast infection once bc the guy drank an IPA then went down on me. I’ve been infection free for 2 years but that involves washing the mouth and genitals of both parties every time before sex. It is exhausting. Also bidet after number two = no UTIs. And I also read that our own period blood can cause UTIs so we ideally have to wash down there at least once a day on our menses. That’s way too much washing just to not get yeast and/or utis.
And can’t over washing cause infections and/or UTIs?? You can’t win!! 😩
No need to wash multiple times a day. A phbalanced nonscented non glycerin vaginal wash is the gamechanger. No regular soap allowed 😂 (why are vulvas so fussy 💀)
I just had BV, was given antibiotics which resulted in a yeast infection, and my BV came back at the same time. Life was not good.
So I agree with making it less effected by those things!
I feel this struggle so much, why are vaginas such a nightmare
Anytime the Dr. proscribes antibiotics, I ask for a prescription for Diflucan to go with. It can save yiu a lot of trouble!
I am currently sitting at the doctors because I'm 99% sure I have a UTI. So I am all for the no UTIs. Like what the heck kind of design is this.
You know, I don't understand why there isn't a female version of the urinal yet. Like some sort of special toilet where you can comfortably stand and pee without doing the balance act. Like, I feel that would be so much more appreciated than urinals. Why does it not exist, damnit
did you just turn the vagina into a penis?
Auto clean after sex if desired
Yes. Not gravity based, something that clears things out a little faster.
Quick little flush function
I've found that sneezing has that effect....
Laughing uncontrollably as well XD
Light up pleasure indicator to tell the partner when they're doing it right. 😉
And when he has std's
Yeah!! A flashing warning light. Could be a literal life saver
You do have a voice for that though. You should definitely use it.
True. But the indicator might put an end to squabbles arising from deflated egos. 😁
You could be making all kind of noises to try to get him to hurry up when he looks down to see not a red light but a =( or X_X.
No random fungal infections from regular everyday life, ok, thank you.
No random complications from everyday life at all please. My skin rubbing against itself shouldn’t cause painful bumps that’s so weird.
Vaginas and vagina-adjacent areas are so damn dramatic: the blood, cramping, hair management, irritation, yeast infections, BV, UTIs, etc etc. Then if you decide to actually use the vag to have a kid, it’ll just rip? Enough is enough lol
This thing is a piece of crap and I want a refund.
And at least part of the overall system was hung with the equivalent of bubblegum. The idea anything might fall into or through your vagina because you shook something loose is absolutely ludicrous.
The general contractor and the engineer involved should be sued for this construction.
- no periods
- automatic contraception
- no discharge unless seated on a toilet
The last one would improve my quality of life by like 50%.
the last one:
on a toilet...or dick.
Can we have no discharge but also no dryness?
Variable tightness. Settable by the owner. Also lube on demand.
I like this one, it could actually be a replacement for the teeth suggestion too. Setting goes all the way from full lockdown to baby delivery mode.
And lube supply is not impacted by menopause! Just bc im not menstruating shouldnt mean the fun is over.
Somehow make it easier to orgasm 😅
(No, I don't need advice)
Lights an unwanted dick on fire
Can also be used as jet pack
More stretch friendly, would make many medical conditions less painful, medical exams easier and deliveries less destructive.
Those things can be painful because they aren't conducive to feeling safe and pleasurable 😅 In the case of birth, it also has a lot to do with default procedures that don't actually benefit the physiology of the birthing body. But I digress.
Would make life easier though.
> it also has a lot to do with default procedures that don't actually benefit the physiology of the birthing body
Ever since i learned about birthing stools i get so mad at every tv show/movie scene where a woman gives birth laying on her fucking back
If you have an epidural though this is how you have to position yourself - because your legs will no longer fully work. (Source - dr and also have given birth with an epidural)
I realize that the vagina is just the tube, so I'll broaden a bit.
* Get rid of the whole bleeding thing.
* Allow lubrication to be self-controlled.
* You know that asshat congressman who said that women can't get pregnant from rape because it has away of shutting that down? Make that an actual thing that is self-controlled. There are females of other species that can control their own fertilization.
Like hyena's. The females have a pseudo penis that they voluntarily turn inside out (or well, outside in) when they want to have intercourse.
What the actual fuck
Might as well add in temporarily turning into a rapid hyena as well, just to get rid of the rapist.
Instead of a period, it would just send you a text every month telling you if you’re pregnant or not
This is the answer! And once you’re down having babies, the ability to just turn the process off.
Send STOP if you want pregnancy ability to stop. Send START if you want to have it back. Send MAYBE if you want it to turn on and off in random moments to surprise you (pleasant surprise). Send TRANSFER if you want your pregnancy to be transferred to your SO that wines because you are "difficult" due to pregnancy hormones!
I would add more sensitivity to it, I suppose, so penetrative sex can feel mind blowing for a change.
Stop feeling a rush of blood every time you cough or sneeze whilst on your period.
The lips naturally repel toilet paper from sticking 😂
If we are talking the entire area of the genitals, for fucks sake make it impossible to get a UTI
A kill switch for rapists. Just a castration devise at the opening of the vag. If anything is ever in there without permission it will promptly be chopped off at the root. Let’s make it a dull straight edge because they deserve all the pain you can give them.
And then it ejects it
After grinding it to a pulp. Buh bye!!
Seals shut automatically whenever u dont like having intercourse.
Or, you could have a secret passcode to open it up, like "touch left booby, touch right booby, nibble right ear, kiss mouth." So if a guy doesnt know it, he cant get you. Also, always reprogrammable by you, so exes cant get you either.
Cup holders 🤣🤣🤣❤❤❤
They do hold those period cups…
Unlimited stretch for childbirth - no tearing.
I would make the possibility to disable fertility & periods on demand but as a subscription
Does that mean more ads on the free version?
*Muffled voice*: We've been trying to reach you about your cars extended warranty!
This is Eric, on a recorded line…
Uterus lining refreshes without exiting
Being able to re-absorb the lining would definitely solve anemia issues.
Move the opening of the vaginal canal far away from the butthole. Hair would also only grow on top of the pubic bone only.
A spray function like a skunk, only the spray is pepper spray, and it permanently blinds any rapist, even if they’re wearing protective goggles. Also, it dyes their eyeballs purple, this way, everyone they ever meet again will know what happened.
I would design it with the ability to easily stretch without pain.
The obvious positive is for those who experience childbirth, but as someone who has to prep immensely before sex or its incredibly painful, this would be very nice.
Also, ridiculously strong contracting muscles around the opening would just potentially put a very large damper on rape.
Automatic protection against STDs and different types of cancer. Endometriosis would also not be a thing.
an access code.
Id kinda like a bigger clit tbh, for both aesthetic and practical reasons
Healthcare diagnostics accessible wirelessly rather than having to go in there with a cotton swab
Aside from the most common period/lubrication requests. I’d prototype a version including more of the clitoris being externally mounted (while not looking phallic) that facilitates easier to reach orgasms. Something that makes ‘rubbing one out’ the way a penis owner can easier for a woman….but I’d keep all of the thousands (millions?) of nerve endings that are already in the clitoris.
Guaranteed PIV orgasm
A way for me to get off from PIV, not just clitoral stimulation.
Its detatchable, and fits snugly into the common couch throw pillow.
For it to seal off if unwanted sex/rape were to be attempted.
*Unshakable* PH balance. Nothing can change it! It’ll just be right all the time.
\-Built-in antibiotic secretion when UTI's begin.
\-Pregnancy off switch.
\-If your period must remain, menstruation can be fully controlled and can be turned off or increased temporarily to reduce duration (saw that last part somewhere else here - very practical).
\-Easy, strong G-spot orgasms for all women.
\-Built-in painkillers for childbirth (I don't want kids atm, but could be useful).
\-A relatively easily visible spot near the entrance that changes colors according to stages of your cycle - useful for both pregnancy prevention and hormone tracking for people with hormonal issues.
\-I saw someone suggesting protective teeth - I'd go with claws that can recede like a cat and only come out when there's evident unwanted intrusion. Those would probably have to be turned off somehow in medical situations though.
I wouldn’t change the vagina, but the entirety of the vulva shouldn’t be allowed to get razor burn or ingrown hairs.
Better failsafe for unplanned pregnancy
A row of retractable monster teeth, a clasp at the top to prevent pregnancy, possibility to be lubed/cleaned consciously
I dont know how but period and discharge control.
Only getting pregnant if the woman orgasms too
Control when/if you want to have period, control when/if you want to ovulate and become pregnant, resistant to infections and diseases, being able to control the tighness even more freely (to relax more during exams and childbirth, and to tighten into exactly right tightness depending on your sexual partner's size). Those functions would be perfect!
I’d knock out that pesky UTI function the old model had
More nerve endings throughout as opposed to being mostly located near the entrance
No periods, no smelly fluids, no unrecognizable cramps, no dryness when you want to have sex, no long inner lips cause they're in the way when shaving