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In a cafe. "I'll have the sausage and bacon on toast." "Sorry, that's only on the breakfast menu." "How about the all-day breakfast?" "Yeah, we can do that." "Is there bacon on it?" "Yeah." "Is there sausage on it?" "Yep." "Is there toast on it?" "Uh-huh." "...I'll have that then."


This reminds me of the Afterlife scene where Ricky orders a kids meal


weak observations, poorly performed


Ohh, you're hard


Chimpanzee that!


Monkey news


Head like a fucken orange


Blimey, here he comes. Trouble's brewing


he’s having a go


That describes the entire show.


This one though kind of bothers me, because a lot of kids menu items at a lot of places are sold at a loss, to be something affordable for kids to eat. Which is why they don’t serve to adults


Arguing with a server for saying what they've been tokd by their manager to say: throbbing bellend behaviour


I mean at the risk of annoying very specific people, throbbing bellend behaviour seems just like Gervais


Or that scene in the film 'Falling Down' with Michael Douglas.


Or places that advertise ALL DAY breakfast but it finishes at 12


Or pubs that say 'Open all day Sunday' but don't actually *open* until 12.


Reminds me pubs / bars that say “open till late” no idea what time that means


Open until there’s no cunt in it


That makes sense though. They'll probably be open at the normal time people first turn up at a pub. They may or may not be open until 3am. If there's no fucker in there, they won't. If they put an actual sign up saying "open till 3am" and no fucker is in, you can guarantee some absolute bellend will turn up at 2:30am and complain that they're closed. It's not that hard.


I’ll cut in here as a kitchen manager. Breakfast menu is simplified and small - can be operationally easy and managed by a small number of staff when volumes might be low. Later in the day, volumes pick up and menu gets more complex so switching things over is important. Also, there is a menu for a reason - prep is some, stations set up and if you’re busy is tough to start doing lots of changes. Also, breakfast is usually cheaper and better value to drive sales early so offering it all day kind of defeats the point.


That's probably not the person being pedantic, but more that the system they use probably wouldn't allow it, and they'd be in trouble for altering what was done. Comes more down to management. I'd say this is very minor at worst.


This, partner worked briefly at a shop and the system would do this.


Is the all-day breakfast just sausage, bacon and toast though? Presumably there's other things on it that you had to pay extra for? Not sure why the cashier here is apparently in the wrong when they likely have no say in what the cafe sells...


To be fair I think sometimes when working at a repetitive job people can get kind of exhausted near the end of a shift and fall into an automated way of working without really thinking, it happens to me sometimes.


Sounds like you’re a bit of an arse


I was in a café once and heard a lady on a nearby table ask for a bacon sandwich. She was told they can't do that, as breakfast had finished. Instead, she ordered a BLT, which apparently was fine. I'd have loved for her to ask for it without lettuce and tomato.


Difference is with a bacon sandwich, I’d imagine the bacon is obviously cooked fresh, or kept hot. A BLT it’s more likely to just be precooked and used for other things aswell so understandably they’d say no for that


Had a similar conversation in Gosport at an Indian takeaway regarding chips and cheese. Apparently they don't do it, but they do chips and have a massive bag of grated cheese for their pizzas.


If you're in an Indian takeaway that also does pizza, that's a pretty strong indication you're in the wrong takeaway.


Our local good Indian takeaway started doing pizzas, but basically it was a naan base with any of the Indian base sauces and a mix of ingredients from the rest of the menu. They stopped after a while It was nothing like a normal pizza, but it tasted great. I guess they stopped because they priced it too low, it worked out much cheaper than buying an Indian meal would have to get yourself filled up.


Ngl that sounds fucking epic from an Indian takeaway.


Woman who wouldn’t change my magazine subscription until I gave the “correct” name because she had “a completely different name” listed at that address. I had given her the long version of my first name and my subscription had the short version- basically akin to Katherine Jones instead of Kate Jones. Also the HR person at work who rejected 3 different photos for my work ID, including one WHICH IS MY ACTUAL PASSPORT PHOTO. If it’s good enough to get me into the country it’s good enough to get me in the fucking office, Wendy!


Haha FFS Wendy.


Its always a fucking jobsworth Wendy in the office.


I was asked for a professional ID photo for the entry pass by HR at work. Submitted my passport photo and they said the background must be white. Had to summon a pal with a camera to get a photo taken at Sainsbury's in town. Talked about this funny anecdote and one of the colleagues had the same problem, except his white background is a camping van.


On the first day of my first ever graduate job, I took a selfie against the white wall of a cubicle in the toilets for my office pass. That photo has been on every one of my passes for every company I've worked for since!


Count yourself lucky, our place takes the perfectly good photo we send them, then seemingly randomly stretches it (as opposed to cropping it) to make it fit the space - so now the picture on your ID ends up either looking like a beanstalk or Jabba-the-Hutt. I tried to help out the person in HR who was doing it, and was politely told that they'd been doing it their whole career and didn't need any help from the likes of me.


Typical Wendy eh?


What was her reason for rejecting the pictures?


It was all random shite like “there’s a slight shadow on the wall behind you”, light reflecting in my glasses Didn’t realise the fact that I cast a shadow makes me unrecognisable!


Be grateful, you're definitely not a vampire at least :V


New meme ‘Wendy’


I worked in a pub when I was younger and my manager felt I wasn’t IDing people enough and said the next person I served under 70 had to be IDd. This poor woman who was clearly about 40 (I was 19 at the time) came up to the bar with her mates and ordered a drink - I had to ask for ID and she said she didn’t have it on her. Because I’d asked I then wasn’t allowed to serve her at all if she couldn’t present it and she had to just leave. I felt like a right prat. So me - I was the jobsworth!


We've got one! Get the pitchforks oot lads, I'll hold em down - - - -E


Working at a Spar and we had some staff come over from another shop to cover some heads for the Christmas party (wasn't arsed to be working it, they were mostly old women)l and I was fairly new) normally we follow ID25, if we scan a restricted item at the end we're forced to wait a few seconds to check the person and then give a reason for not ID'ing or if we do what it was and their D.O.B, also if we refuse someone we have to write in the book and give a description of what they bought and looked like, I get why we have to do it , but when there's a rush on it can really sap time to do a few. This temp guy was checking everyone's ID like I'd see them and think they're clearly over 40 and he'd still ask for it, manager asked the next day why I hadn't stocked much of the shelves, well it was because this jobsworth always had a queue I needed to help with


Some jobsworth carded my grandmother who was 84 at the time. She was understandably pissed off and asked the cashier “when have you seen a teenager that looks like me? My wrinkles have wrinkles.”


My mum worked at a Spar once and got a particularly arsey manager who thought she wasn’t asking for enough ID and stood over her shoulder and watched her ID people. Then my brother walked in (well over the legal age) and my mother (who gave birth to him) had to ask for ID and then subsequently turn him sway.


People forget the system will always err on the side of caution as the costs of getting caught out are high.


My friend pulled up on a road with lined spaces. I got out of the car and saw her wheel was on the line, so she straightened up, in case she got a ticket. Traffic warden ran over and started saying you moved after parking, I should give you a ticket. She pointed out she hadn't even turned her engine off, but he said that he'd already taken a photo (he can't have, he was too far away). He said you better thank your lucky stars I'm such a nice guy because I'm going to let you off this time. My friend was getting angry because he kept saying she should thank him and learn a lesson for next time.


You can’t move after parking? How do you leave then?


The restriction was likely that you can't return to that parking area within a certain time since leaving. (Stops people abusing the spaces by parking all day by moving their car one space over).




Probably abuse of a no return within x time rule


I got lost in Birmingham and stopped to ask a traffic warden where this address was. Just blanked me and started writing a ticket. Turns out he didn't speak English. Don't know if that annoyed me more or less.


Sure he wasn't just speaking Brummie?


Parking Warden is the ultimate jobsworth role, but really we need more of them. Drivers are just taking the piss these days. Doubt you can get many young people to do the job, though. Social suicide.


If the council allowed video footage from my car dashcam or bike Gopro and an easy way to report then I'd do it voluntarily on people taking the absolute piss


Quite a few years ago we'd parked on a meter near a park to do some shopping. Because we had quite a long journey ahead, we then took the kids into the park for a bit, and lost track of time. We were a good fifteen minutes late, and when we walked back to the car, there was a warden about to write a ticket. He saw us coming, waved, and moved on, no ticket issued. > but really we need more of them. I agree. When I hear people moaning about "a tax on the motorist" about parking enforcement, it makes me think that councils should get together and announce that, for a two week period, there will be absolutely no parking enforcement. I would bet that, within a week, people would be screaming about the chaos and demanding action. Also, of course, rules that are not enforced only inconvenience the decent people who obey them anyway, not those who ignore them.


There was a traffic warden in my hometown that had to be moved somewhere else because she was constantly getting abuse for ticketing someone whose car had broken down. She's well known in my town for being a jobsworth cunt. There was even a news article about it. https://www.metro.co.uk/2016/02/03/jobsworth-traffic-warden-gives-ticket-to-broken-down-car-5660052/amp/


Imagine being such a petty cunt that a newspaper publishes an article on how much of a petty cunt you are lol


When I was young and relatively new to driving, I was pulled over (presumably just flashed as a young driver late at night - lambing time). Police officer checked all my tyres and one pair were at 2.4mm across the tyre. He said “I could do you for that”, and was rather shocked when I firmly told him otherwise and that the legal limit is 1.6mm and he can essentially “do one”. Nice chap.


Interesting. I had a tyre that was almost at the limit when I was pulled once. I said if the officer was concerned about it, I would change it for the spare, but since I had my full drum kit and amps in the car, it might be a little while, and I'd rather not, since it wasn't below the legal limit. He did me for a defective tyre. £60, 3 points. I appealed, and lost. The tyre wasn't even below legal limit.


So , you were prosecuted for a non crime ?


No, if you take the points you avoid prosecution (i.e. it is the non-criminal way out of it). You can refuse to and then presumably you will be prosecuted.


It's still being punished for not breaking the law. Coppers just like to feel powerful. Bastards.


If the points were refused (which the driver should have done). The police would investigate the alleged offence (which didn't exist) and probably drop it. If they decided to charge, the driver would need to appear in court. It is unlikely they would have lost.


When I was learning to drive I went to pick up my partner and his 2 mates from a Arnocorps gig. We were driving back at around 1am, L plates on as I was meant to, got pulled over. I rolled down my window, the cop was greeted by me, 3 big lads at the back in full camo makeup, reeking of sweat and beer, and my lovely, 60ish year old mother in law in the passanger seat as my driving supervisor. The look on his face... Apparently my tail light was out, so he thought he'd let me know. The light was working.


I find bus drivers are the worst. The amount of times I've ran to a stop as a bus approaches and despite waving my hand like a madman the bus sails straight on past despite me being mere feet from the actual stop sign, with the driver just throwing up their hands at me as if to say 'Well what do you want me to do about it?' Stop, please. That would be great.


Bus drivers are either the nicest people or absolute jobsworths. There’s no inbetween. Cough * Stagecoach


I thought I was going mental about stagecoach drivers being like that, the local service drivers could not give two shits but the stagecoach service are a nightmare. Not all of them, just seems to be more jobsworths with them than others


As far as I can tell, all the stagecoach drivers round here have been taught to drive as fast as possible between stops then slam the brakes on, rather than just driving like a normal person. I’m pretty sure that people standing up aren’t supposed to go flying forwards every time the bus driver uses his brakes




Stagecoach don't even update their website for my town. It has stops they don't do on routes.


I was getting the shuttle bus home from work one evening last summer. It stops by the city centre and then goes to another part of Swansea. We aren't required to press the bell, it's just expected that we get dropped off at the city centre. *Every* bus driver stops there automatically because that's what they are supposed to do (and it's where the majority of people get off). However, there was this *one* driver that evening who drove straight past the city centre stop because as is normal nobody pressed the bell. When questioned about it, he was adamant that we are supposed to press the bell or he won't stop there. We had to get off at the next drop off point, which is roughly two miles from the city centre. There were plenty of stops in-between of course, but he wouldn't drop us off at any of those because they weren't "on my (his) route". There were some complaints made to First Bus who have the contract for our shuttle service and it hasn't happened since. I'm not sure we've even had the same driver again.


I remember this happened to me when I was about 16, I was about 15 feet away from the bus stop, jogged towards it as the bus was on its way. Hand out the whole time. He didn't slow down and was about to steam past, I mouthed to him 'wanker' and he slammed the brakes on, stopped way after the stop and let me on... Just to tell me to never say that again to him haha. Still gave me a ticket and I stayed on the bus. Ironically, if I didn't do it I would have been stood waiting 30 minutes for the next bus.


When I was a teenager I would buy the child’s ticket (under 16s). One particular late-night driver would regularly ask me how old I was, and I would say I was 15. He asked for ID, which the majority of under 18s wouldn’t carry, he didn’t believe me and it got to the point where he said if I presented him a child’s ticket next time, he wouldn’t let me on the bus. He even somehow found me on Facebook and said I’d been to a 16th birthday party, therefore I must be 16. Guy was a fucking creep.


My worst experience was they didn't have change from a £5 note and a return at the time was like £2 so he clearly needed to get change once he got into town. Most reasonable people would just say get on and we'll sort it at the terminal, nope said to get off and wait for the next one, cunt


Bonus points for the number of times this has happened to me when I'm crutching towards the stop as fast as I can. When the bus is already stationary. Several times they've literally shut the door in my face. "I'm not waiting for that cripple to hobble on and find a seat."


Bought some train tickets, thought they were an eticket on my phone, turns out they had to be printed before the journey. There was no printing machine at any local stop on my way to the big station. Guy at the ticket thing writes me up for a fine, despite my saying I would print them upstairs and they could even come with me. Saying I'd traveled without a pass, despite paying for the journey in advance and being able to prove it. His reasoning was I could refund the tickets, which would have lost me a tenner. The trip in question was three pound. I argued it makes no sense, he told me to appeal it, I argued, he threatened to get security. Even the other ticket plod were looking at him sideways. I appealed it and opened a complaint, appeal was denied of course and the fine eventually spiralled to near 200, which I gave up and paid. Technically two jobsworths but cunts the lot of them. Merseyrail are a bunch of cunts and the wanker still gives me the side eye when I scan my pass.


Trick is to say that you tried printing it but the machine was out of order. Conditions of travel allow you to travel without a ticket with a reasonable excuse. That manufactured excuse always works.


I've said that exact thing in many mid shower recreations of that argument, don't you worry


There used to be permit-to-travel machines. We could do with those again.


My wife got on a train from our small town which didn't have a ticket machine, she wasn't approached by a ticket seller on the train and got off at the main station to go shopping. She wasn't on the same side as the ticket office and had a pram with her so rather than walk through the underground and go round she took the lift not knowing that it took you outside of the station. She was confronted by 2 big security officers and asked to produce a ticket. When she said she was on the way around to get one they said they didn't believe her even though she had to go around to buy a ticket to get home. They wouldn't let her and issued a fine. Appealing said fine gets you nowhere so we had to pay it.


Appealing the fine never works, since the rail service both impose the fine and handle any appeals. Should be a fucking crime if you ask me.


I once bought a ticket for one station further than i was going because the guy in the ticket booth said it was cheaper (which it was) and I assumed it was all good because the ticket guy had suggested it, got stopped at the other end for it and being younger and a good deal dumber than I am now I just did a runner when he asked for my name, got a lift home that day and never visited the station again


Do you think shop assistants remember everyone they serve in a day?


We don't even remember the last person we served


I work in a coffee shop and constantly get 'I'll have my usual' I only recognise about 3% of them.


The first time a waitress asked if I wanted my usual it was a wake up call that I go there too often. Haven't been back since. Can't handle the awkwardness of being recognised.


I had a barber say "same as last time?" to me. First time I'd ever been there and I'd just moved from 300 miles away. I still said yes please


You live dangerously, I see.


i could go to a coffee shop run by a relative i see every single day and i would still never have the balls to say ill have my usual lol


You have to wait until the staff member asks you if you'll just be having the usual, then you're golden


Wait, you can't just say that. The person who decides the usual status is the one making the coffee.


Yeah this is something that the OP seems to have missed. I worked at a petrol station and I’d often get customers who expect me to remember which cigarettes they get or want to return something they bought a few hours ago without a receipt, but I have no idea who they are, and then I realise after a while that I did serve them last week, I just forgot


Op said he is a visibly middle aged man... that seems to be the cause for concern in the ID'ing.


Pub I worked at had a badge you could get by naming 100 customer and their drink. Most of the list was "the weirdo in the bomber jacket drinks carling "


I've been ID'd by the same woman a number if tines and every time we have a chuckle because I've got the same birthday as her son. She might be trolling me at this point but I just go with it and tell my husband when I get home because its nice to not feel quite my age occasionally.


Weird honestly I remember anyone who comes back into the shop I thought everyone did. The memory wipes when the day is done I won't remember if you came in yesterday but I will if you came in earlier.


Think I’ve told this story before on here. Commuting on the Reading / Paddington line one day going home from work, and they reduced the number of carriages from 8 to 4, an annoyingly frequent occurrence due to stock issues that was no where near the capacity needed for how busy it gets. When this happens, they almost always declassify first class so us plebs can stand in there. So that’s what I did. Ticket inspector comes round, I show him my (regular class) season ticket. He fiddles about on his device for a moment. “That’ll be £78.50 please” “What? No, I’ve got a season ticket” “Yes but it’s for standard class. You’re in first class” “Don’t you normally declassify first class when the train is half its regular size?” “Well sometimes but we haven’t done that today” “Ok, I’ll go back through then” “No, you’ve been in first class so you’re obliged to pay for first class” “I’ve only been stood here for 2 minutes?” “Doesn’t matter” Told him to fuck off. No chase given.


I saw a story on twitter a few months ago where people had reserved seats on a train, but then when the train arrived the carriage that they had reservations for had been replaced with first class for some reason. The inspector wouldn't let anyone sit in there because the people with reservations didn't have first class tickets, and the people with first class tickets didn't have seat reservations.


Remember coming back from university as an 18 year old. Train was absolutely packed so I was sitting in the vestibule between first class and standard, on the floor because it was a four hour journey. Old dude from first class stands in the doorway, so the conductor can see me, and I can see into first class. First class is absolutely empty other than this one dude. Everywhere else is rammed to the rafters. Old dude: can some of the people come and sit with me in here? Conductor: no, they have standard class tickets Old dude: but I'm the only person in here, and I don't care if the seats are filled Conductor: no


I got a free coach to a day festival thing once, it pulled up to s stop on the way, it was clear not everyone was getting on. There was an old lady on crutches at the stop. The driver came to count how many seats were left so I told him I'd put my 4yo daughter on my lap and she could sit by me. He said no and drove off. At the end of the day we were lucky to get back on the last coach but there were tons of people left waiting. Someone asked if they'd be coming back for an extra run, he phoned his boss who on speakerphone just said no, so they left a whole bunch of people stranded in a field in the middle of the cornish countryside in last summers heatwave. It was FT Williams coaches doing runs to and from Camborne show if anyone local cares. Absolute shitshow. Oh and I work with kids, we do day trips, we booked a coach from the same company for a day trip to Eden. The driver, different guy asked my colleague as the kids were getting on the coach 'what's wrong with these kids then? Disabled or r*tarded?' Like, umm, just poor kids on a free to them day out, but wow! My colleague made an official complaint but never heard back. £350 for a coach that drove 1 hour each way and called our kids r*tards.


I take that exact same line regularly, the ticket inspectors have nothing better to do it seems.


A good few years ago I was on a building site. Required PPE was hard hat, boots, high vis and safety glasses at all times. I'd taken off my glasses and put them in my toolbox due to them being covered in dust and went back to the van for something. On the way back I was approached by a little rotund creature in a suit, wielding a clipboard. Shiny hard hat, clean high vis, smug grin through his pube hair goatee... "Oi, you! Where are your glasses? I could kick you off site. Give me your name, now." "What? Who the fuck are you?" "I'm in charge of health and safety! Where are oyur glasses?" I looked him up and down and grinned. "Why are you smiling? We take health and safety seriously here. WHERE ARE YOUR SAFETY GLASSES?" He was almost frothing at me laughing at him. I pointed to his feet, specifically his leather lace-up winklepickers and said "same place as your fucking safety boots, now fuck off and let me work." I snapped a pic on my phone to pull his tail a bit more as well. Wanker.


Well played.


ID'd at spoons in Plymouth and on presenting my valid in date Gov't issued navy ID in a navy town I was turned away because his little scanner only worked with driving licences or passports. I had left for 5 mins to go to the shop across the road and in that time the bouncers had appeared, I had to ask if they could let me back in just to get my bag and jacket then tell my mates I was being kicked out. He escorted me to the table and made sure my mates knew I wasn't being kicked out, I just wasn't allowed in... Cheers boss. *spelling


Union Rooms? Guzz is shit for navy ID. Pompey don’t give a shit.


The very one aye, just off the boat at Milbay. Never been ID'd in Pompey but rarely go there for a drink these days.


They did you a favour, that place is a dive! That being said, there's not many places that aren't in Plymouth haha


I failed my driving test. Pulled into the test centre, I thought everything was fine. The examiner announced the failure saying 'everything was great but - back there - you were over the line by (literally holds his fingers up to show about an inch) this much - so I failed you'. That cost me about £60 at a time when I really couldn't afford it so I had some interesting words for him...


Took test in 1997: I failed for not opening the window and sticking my arm out and doing the up and down slowing motion when starting the parallel parking. Told my instructor he goes ‘that hasn’t been a rule since 1981’. So he goes and questions the examiner who says ‘I’m the chief examiner what I says goes’. Comes back apparently my instructor had a falling out with that chief examiner when he was testing one of his other students. Apparently let them drive into the back of a parked car in the parallel park. When got back went to my instructor ‘your student drove into a parked car, it’ll need fixing’. So my instructor says ‘it’s a dual control car why didn’t you slam the brakes on before they hit it?’ Chief examiner said ‘not my job’. So failed cause the Chief Examiner didn’t like my instructor and failed me on something no longer law so he knew he did it on purpose. Was well known for being a total dick though so no surprise there. My instructor booked my next test for when the Chief Examiner was off. Passed with flying colours 😂


Nice! I took the test again a few months later, passed, but had the same examiner. It was very awkward.




My first ever test, I did absolutely every thing right. Zero minors. Smashed it. Parked up at the centre after and was told I failed with one major. I didn't hit 30mph on a road on the test...I got to 29mph. That's considered holding up traffic apparently. My instructor called the test instructor a cunt as we left. The irony was a year later I got caught speeding and got 6 points and had to retake my tests😂


Got ID’d buying a candle lighter along with some soft furnishings. I’m in my 30s, but I look fairly young, showed my ID no problem. My girlfriend who’s in her 20s was with me, she didn’t have ID. They refused to sell it to me without her ID. I was fucking fuming. Firstly, lighters aren’t age restricted, secondly, she accepted I’m in my 30s, but didn’t believe my girlfriend was over 18, grow a pair and call me a pedo if that’s what you’re implying! I ended up driving home to get her ID because I was so infuriated.


A reply of ‘Grow a pair and call me a pedo’ Would have had me on the floor crying if I’d have been in the queue


I made every one in the line behind me laugh at my local coop, i confidently and loudly ask for 50g of golden VAGINA, instead of golden Virginia, every time since i think its going to slip out again when i go to buy a packet


Had similar refused to sell me (M51) matches because my daughter 15 at the time placed them on the counter as it might be purchasing them for her. Didn’t know that 15 year olds weren’t allowed to purchase matches. Earlier in the day she’d been refused service in Costa as she didn’t have an adult with her


Yeah the whole “can’t buy stuff when you’re with your kids” is bullshit. My aunt was once not allowed to buy wine because her daughter was with her. Like, where do you draw the line on that? Can a mother with a baby not buy alcohol? A two year old, an 8 year old?!


I always wondered this too, at what point can't I take my son in with me to buy booze?!


When you're clearly buying it for him. (Individual shop policy might differ, this is more general). The actual wording is something like "it's an offence to knowingly sell alcohol to someone who is buying it for someone under 18". The key word there being "knowingly". I had a few people come through my till who were probably buying booze for their kids. As long as everyone shuts up about it, it's fine, I don't know you're buying it for them and can sell you it. The moment you imply it's for them (or more often, the stupid kid will say something like "Mum can I have my WKD when we get home), I legally was not allowed to serve you. Kid putting it on the belt wouldn't have phased me tbh, shop worker was just being a twat, or management were riding them.


Lighters are age restricted, I think the age is 16, but I'm not sure because my manager helped me finish all the questions on the training because my shift was about to end


Crealy "amusement" park in Devon. Me: "Can I have a hamburger please, with chips", Person: "Sorry we don't do a hamburger, only a cheeseburger", Me: ".......", Person: "Would you like a cheeseburger", Me: "Yes please, but can you not put the cheese on it?", Person: ".......", Person: "Let me ask my manager", Me: Repeats entire conversation, Manager: "So a cheeseburger with no cheese", Me: "that's the one, a plain burger", Manager: "I shouldn't really but I'll make an exception", Me: "That's nice." The burger came out with a slice of cheese in an individual wrapper, next to the plain burger, you know, just in case my allergy fancied a day off. *edit - format & spelling.


I studied abroad in Chile. A popular dish there is a hot dog with lots of condiments on it. Like more mayonnaise than hot dog. And more ketchup than hot dog. Etc. I once went to a place and asked for a plain hot dog. They told me that if I wanted that I could go elsewhere.


Was with my partner doing a pub quiz. We’d been sat in the pub buying alcoholic drinks for the duration of the quiz, maybe a couple of hours. One round we won, go us. The prize was a bottle of wine. My partner went to the bar to go and collect it. They wouldn’t give it to her on account of her lack of ID (she was 28 at the time). I tried, showed my ID, still wouldn’t give it to me as “I might give it to her”. I mentioned they’d been more than happy to serve her for the 3 glasses of red wine she’d already drank, including the half glass on her table. Bar woman looked confused, asked her colleague, but still wouldn’t budge. No ID, no prize. We left wineless, never went back, the pub is now a pizzeria.


They'd probably been using that bottle of wine as a prize for years.


I remember when I worked in the hospital during Covid, in tier 3 lockdown (all restaurants and cafes were closed for indoor seating) and the rules were the hopsital outlets were for staff only, you had to show your badge and you could only sit 2 to a table. Me and 2 colleagues who I was working in close contact with for the previous 7 of my 12.5 hour shift sat down, unmasked, to share a table. There was a table of doctors next to us - I think there was about 6 of them around a tiny table. An infection control nurse walked past, screamed our heads off (the table of 3, not the table of 6) for breaking the rules and being a bad example for the public, she wouldn’t stop shouting until one of us moved to another table to sit by themselves. She said hi to the doctors and left. It’s no wonder people left during Covid - 13 hour shifts and if you were a lower band (HCA, domestic, Porter, security, admin) you were expected to have breaks on your own. Whereas doctors working 9-5 could do as they pleased. Still annoys me now. Both of those colleagues have left the NHS and I still take breaks by myself due to staffing. Edited due to abysmal spelling lol.


I've also got a COVID jobsworth story. I was working in my department, which was located about 50ft from the main entrance / exit. I got a text from my mum telling me she was in hospital (not the one I was working at). I left my department and, without thinking, took off my mask and binned it on the way out. I ran to the main entrance, maskless, and crying my eyes out trying to phone my dad to find out what had happened. An infection control nurse stopped me about 2 feet from the exit to scream at me for not wearing a mask.


Why anyone would berate anyone upset, much less a colleague is beyond me. Personal life aside, we all had bad days in work during Covid. It got really hard overnight. Add to the stresses of our personal lives and it beggars belief that a nurse can lack compassion to that extent.


I work for the NHS & infection control aren't well-regarded. At least not amongst our engineers.


Not amongst nursing staff either. We understand why they are the way they are, but the stuff they say isn’t practical. I got in trouble for moving immediately from one patient (combing hair) to run to save a confused patient who was standing on the bed and tried to walk over the bar to get out of bed. Sorry IPC for not washing my hands for 30 seconds while watching my patient break their hip or kill themselves. I didn’t even have time to gel them, as you can imagine. I’d rather they caught an infection and take their chances with that than the cold hard floor. But IPC got my manager and the matron involved for my “disregard for patient safety”. I was fuming. I’m not sorry, and I’d do it again. I’m not explaining to someone how I let their mother die in my care because I was too busy sticking to the letter of the law than provide emergency immediate care. The IPC nurse saw, and likely had clean hands and didn’t try to intervene. Only tried to get me in trouble after the fact. IPC can kindly go fuck themselves.


When covid rules first came out and there was talk of having those social distancing officers I said this is going to be a jobsworth dream.


I organised my wife's birthday party at a member's club. My parents are members which saved me having to join. At the end of the night after we had tidied up we were waiting for a taxi in the bar at 11pm. There were probably 2 people drinking there. The manager came over and said we had to get out of the bar as we were not members. I then lost my shit saying there's only two people in here and will be gone soon as we're waiting for a taxi. We were told to wait in the corridor or outside. It was October and this was the only heated place. I have never forgiven this person for such petty behaviour.


I needed a single sheet of A3 paper. Rymans obviously don't sell single sheets of A3 paper. I asked if they had a photocopier. They said yes. I asked if it would enlarge from A4 to A3. They said yes. I asked if I could enlarge a blank sheet of A4 to A3. They said they couldn't do that, but wouldn't say why. But it was probably out of spite more than being a jobsworth.


Copyright issues !


I was living in Perth, Australia at the time. They have travel cards like Oyster cards, where you tag on and off. One morning I couldn't find mine so borrowed my girlfriend's. I used to keep it in the front pocket of my bag pack. Got to the station, tagged on, put it back in the bag. Was getting off, grabbed my card, tagged off. Didn't work. Tried again, didn't work. They have "transit officers", who are not police officers but think that they are. They came over to see what was happening and point blank issued me a $100 fine (about £50 at the time) after they check the card and tell me that I didn't tag on. I explain that I did, and why would I try and tag off if I was fare dodging. Especially when I had $50 on the card. They wouldn't have any of it. I get to my desk at work and then look in my back and find both travel cards there. So I had tagged on with one, off with the other. On the way home I went to their office to lodge an appeal and again, they weren't having any of it. I even provided print offs of the card web page which showed exactly what station station they were tagged on/off, and at what time and day. They didn't care. No common sense. Absolute jobsworths.


TfL decent for that sort of thing, tapping in with one, out with another. Fine you but then refund quickly


Worked in a Wetherspoons in central london, guy came in celebrating his 18th during the day when it was pretty empty, I ID’d him and served him his drink, he came back for another, a girl I worked with came over and asked him for ID while I was serving him. I told her I’d already seen it and that he’d been there for a while, she said, ‘We need to see it every time.’ I told her I don’t think he’d gotten any younger since his last drink. To be clear, there was no policy that said we had to see ID every time, she was just a knob.


ID'd at ASDA buying a knife sharpener. Not a knife.... A knife sharpener - the little grey ones that suction cup to your counter top.


Friend of mine got ID'd for teaspoons in Tesco once. To be fair, the woman on the till was equally amused and confused


I see you've played knifey spoony before


My friend got ID'd for buying vanilla extract. It was the fancy stuff suspended in ethanol, but the quantities were so small that you'd probably need to pound twenty or so bottles of the stuff to even approach any sort of inebriation.


I.d for Jack Daniels bbq sauce in Sainsbury's Old bitch


How much would you need to drink to get even a buzz?


I think the whole thing, and the buzz would be diabetes.


I'd dread to think.


Reminds me of the time my mum was in Asda and tried to buy the same sauce, but because we were in Scotland and it was before 10am they weren’t able to sell it to her! The checkout woman was equally as bemused as we were but because it was before 10am there was nothing she could do as the till wouldn’t let her sell it.


Yup, written up for being 13 seconds "late" on my lunch - which was me getting my headset on at the computer. Apparently it's proceedure. Fuck you, Becky!


This young tesco employee accused me of stealing at self checkout on a busy friday after a shit day at work about 8 yrs ago , i was surrounded by people and I politely complied with every request and showed I didnt steal and got no apology from him or even acknowledgement from any of the staff or guards- I gave him my middle finger and left. I understand mistakes happen but if he would have just said my bad bro or anything like this it would be fine but he questioned my morales in public


Exact same thing happened to me in Tesco years ago. Bought a cup of pick n mix and walked towards exit. Surprisingly agitated supervisor-looking type called after me and demanded to know which self checkout I had used. I couldn't exactly remember which one (about 10 self checkouts in a line) so he checked about 3 self checkouts for my receipt, exclaiming "Not this one then!" after each one. On the 4th one he found my receipt, mumbled some non-apology and scuttled towards the back of the shop. Didn't think I looked the type to nick £4 worth of sweets but anyways fuck that guy.


I once got lectured by a cashier in HSBC when I went to withdraw some cash that was over my daily ATM limit (think it was about £500) because at the age of 19 my signature had changed from when I opened the account at age 10. Apparently I should have been in to update my signature “when it changed” and she even escalated it to her manager even though I had 3 different forms of ID with me. Her manager literally told her she was being ridiculous. Don’t get me wrong, I work in banking and am well versed in AML regs, it was just the ridiculousness of expecting to know exactly when I signature changed from being a kid.


Very similar thing happened to me! Also with HSBC I was moving big sums to buy a house, had to go sign documents blah blah. Bank manager freaked out because my signature was different to what they had on record.... Which was when I opened my account aged 12! There I am aged 30 having to explain to my solicitor that there might be a delay while I scramble to find more proof that I am in fact me 😂


My boss telling me my curly hair could be viewed as unprofessional and will likely hold my engineering career back (he seems to have forgotten I've been doing it 5 years) so I should cut it short or use hair bands.


That's not being a jobsworth. At best it's being fucking stupid arsehole and at worst it's discrimination that your employer's HR department should talk to your boss about.


My husband is short, he's 5'6 at a push, and is blessed with youthful looks, but not that youthful, considering he is pushing 40 and sports a big beautiful beard. We once went to Sainsbury's and with our shopping picked up a 12 rated film. The cashier IDd him for the film, and when we didn't have any, wouldn't let us have it. I mean I get it, it's Think 25 and maybe if it was alcohol I would have understood, but he's clearly over the age of 12. We even had our 5 year old with us.


When I worked at a clothes store temporarily I used my staff discount to buy things for other people at a reduced cost. Which is what virtually every staff member did for their family and friends. one day I was shopping with my MIL and partner and I paid for the items and used my discount. The lady behind the till said you can only use your discount on items for yourself. So I said they are for me. No other staff member would ever question it, it wasn't like she was the manager or a team leader or anything either.


I was shopping in town with my nephew, then 2, and needed to pop into a supermarket to grab a bottle of Champagne for a friend's milestone birthday.. Checkout operator refused to sell me the alcohol, despite the fact I had ID because I was "In the company of someone clearly underage".... ​ Mate.. Do you really think I'm gonna ply my 2 year old nephew with a £35 bottle of champagne?? He just had a can of Stella 20 minutes ago he'd be steaming!


I'm pretty sure their job is to check for ID - how would they be able to demonstrate they'd checked your ID earlier...


Plus when I worked retail I wouldn't have remembered someone I served 2 minutes ago, let alone 'at some point earlier that day'.


No, they don’t have to check your ID if you are obviously over age. Just like alcohol, it’s challenge 25 but if you look over 25 they don’t HAVE to ID you


Everyone has a different perception of age, though. What you think I'd a 21 year old may actually be 26, and your nate might think they look 30. I don't blame shop workers one bit. The personal risk to them for letting an underage sale go through is far too high to not be a bit of a jobsworth. I remember knocking back a guy who used to come and buy a modelling magazine. He was quite young. One week, it had a blade included, and it had an age restriction, so I couldn't sell him it. If the till system demanded ID, we had to see it. Of course, he was like 8, so he had none. His dad came in later and instead of just quietly buying the magazine and slipping out to give it to his son, he took the logical path and went mental at me and said he would buy it and hand it to his son infront of me. I then couldn't sell him it either cos i knew it was for an under 18, so I'd still be breaking the law. Imagine I had sold it. The dad could have come in screaming about selling his kid a blade, and I'd have been in real trouble. Customers really don't help themselves sometimes. And there's never going to be a time when I put myself at risk, so I'd happily be called a jobsworth.


John Lewis in Exeter in around 2016. Tried to buy an iPad. The shop assistant was extraordinarily rude and wouldn’t take payment. I had a standard debit card, wasn’t trying to do anything odd. I found a manager and explained. His response was: ‘Ah, that’s just Kevin.’


Manager is an idiot for keeping a known asshole that refuses sales


Same bus driver drove the bus connection i needed to get home as a kid, hated me for whatever reason even though i never did anything. I had a young person's bus pass meaning the bus cost £1 instead of £2.50, i got the bus EVERY day during term time but every day he insisted on inspecting my bus pass and asked for proof I was actually at school - me wearing a school uniform EVERY DAY wasn't enough, so I had to show him my school books and planner EVERY SINGLE DAY. When he noticed the laminated cover started to split he would pick at it and keep saying "i'm not sure this is valid, i think you've invalidated it!" and would wag his finger at me telling me how lucky i was he was letting me use it. I occasionally wore headphones around me neck, with my walkman off and every time i did he would say "Keep that fucking music down! if ANYBODY complains you're BANNED from this bus route" man was a complete penis. When somebody else took over the route for a week or so and i said "£1 please" they just printed the ticket and didn't question it.




does anyone else not sign their cards? I'm 25 and i've never signed a card, it's not like we're in the US paying with magstripe.


A few friends recently went to Dorset for a staycation. On our way back we stopped at a local petrol station to fill up and reload on cigarettes. Bear in mind we are all in our early 30s. The employee requested ID from my friend (cust 1) who offered to show a photo of his ID as he didn't have it with him. Refused to sell the cigarettes. 2nd friend had ID which showed he was 33 and managed to buy the cigarettes. 3rd cust (me) was happy to sell me cigarettes but not the same brand as the 1st cust as it might be a proxy sale. I showed him my nearly empty box from my pocket which evidenced my addiction to that particular brand, but no apparently cust 1 may have slipped that to me on his way out. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It is easier to buy cocaine outside a police station in London


I once got ID'd for a scratch card in a petrol station after putting fuel in my own car. They didn't quite figure I must be over 16 to own and drive a car.


Asked for a sheet of A4 paper to take a register as I was teaching a class and the electronic registers were not set up yet. They told me that I would have to make a stationary request, get it signed by my boss and submit it to reprographics. My boss is on the other side of the building and repro is 3 floors down. I just took the paper and dealt with the glare. I mean damn its less than 1p worth of paper I was asking for.


Went to print some passport sized photos for security passes at work, asked the guy to print them 'passport sized'... "They won't accept those as passport photos" "Yeah, they're fine" "No they won't, I do passport photos every day, there's not a chance they'll accept them" "Well, they're not for a passport, I just want them 'passport sized', but as you're so adamant..." *proceeds to pull passport out of pocket to show the exact same photo on my passport* "Well, they shouldn't have accepted it" :/


As a student, missed a parcel delivery as we all slept in. Red slip said wait 24 hours and then come get the parcel from the depot, which was right next to my campus. Had afternoon lectures which were about 8 hours after the attempted delivery. Thought I'd try my luck at getting my parcel. Gave the red slip to the guy and he went to a shelf just past the kiosk. I watched this dude Pick my parcel up and checked the red slip before setting it back down. Refused to give it to me because I hadn't waited the 24 hours the slip said. I know it was my parcel because I then chanced it when my lectures were done and a lady was on the counter who gladly gave me the exact same parcel within a minute of going in.


Was given a producer to show my car documents by the police. At the police station the lady wouldn't accept it saying theres something missing on the system to say I had cover for 3rd party as well. Went back and forth with insurance and the same lady was there each time at station doing her upmost best to not assist or help me in any way Insurance company would say nothing else on system needs adding for police to check but this lady wouldn't budge and went on for 6 days until the 7th I went back to plead and even considered talking to sergeant. Luckily a different staff member was there accepted the papers and processed it with no issue. I would have had points and a fine if that lady was there that day


The government threatened shops that if they didn't start refusing energy drinks to under-18s, the government would pass a law. That's why shops introduced that policy. The shop assistant probably didn't remember you because of so many customers.


Age 15 I took the train home to Hampshire from Bristol after visiting a childhood friend with another friend. Childhood friend's Mum had booked our tickets using her rail card, the ticket inspector asked for our rail card and obviously we couldn't show it, so instead of letting us call her to provide the serial number or her card number to buy replacement tickets (we didn't have enough between us for even one ticket), he arranged for 4 transport police officers to handcuff us and march us off the train at Reading, and made us stand in the middle of the station being read our rights in front of dozens of people. It was the first and only time I've been arrested, I was mortified. Edit: I'd like to update this by stating that my new worst experience with a jobsworth is my interaction with u/financialmisconduct in the replies to this comment.


I was on the train returning home from a holiday and got a call from my parents to say they were going to Plymouth for the day and they could pick me up, which meant I could get off the train several stops early and get a meal out. When I got off at Plymouth the gates wouldn't open and spat my ticket back out. The gate guard tried to give me a fine for not having the correct ticket, I stuck my ground saying that fining someone for getting off a train *early* and not taking some of the journey they have paid for is ridiculous. Eventually another one came over and managed to make the guard see sense.


Worked at a chain shop at a major airport. Manager was a complete spanner named Lesley. She was only promoted to manager because she agreed to do the 3.30am to 1pm shift 5x a week that everyone else refused to do. Anyway. One of my jobs was restocking. It involved getting as many boxes of stuff from the store room, which was landside, as you could carry, taking them through the X-ray and security to airside, where the shop was. It was a massive faff and took about 30 mins each time. One day Lesley asked me to get crisps. In the stockroom was about 8 or 9 nearly empty boxes of different flavours of crisps, so I just emptied these boxes into a couple of boxes, and took the mixed box through security… you know, to save me carrying 8 half empty boxes upstairs. Got to the shop, stocked up, and put the remaining box of mixed crisps in the office (which was no bigger than 6ft x 12ft) for stocking up in an hour or so. Lesley looked at me like I’d sprouted an extra head. She went off on one about how I should never mix boxes and I should have brought the 8 different flavour boxes upstairs and stacked them in the corner of the office. Her reasoning: “How would anyone know what flavours are in the box if the box is mixed?” How indeed, Lesley.


ID’d for a pair of scissors. Didn’t have ID with me because I was buying scissors and sellotape. Dude wouldn’t budge. No sale. I was 26


The policy is Think-25 for most supermarkets in the U.K., the amount of shit you get from managers/area managers etc if your store/you fail a test purchase (whether official or internal) would make you want to quit your job.


Stopped by health and safety guy on site. Wasn't wearing gloves on the path as soon as I got past the turnstiles, cause I was on site and not wearing full PPE. Obviously I'm gonna wear them when I get to my section?


When I was on holiday in Scotland, I was buying some potatoes from the coop, the man in front of me who I’d never met before was buying beers. The lady at the till asked the man for ID, which he had, then looked at me and asked for ID. I didn’t have any on me as I was only buying potatoes and I was in my late 20s anyway. She refused to sell the man the beer because I didn’t have ID. Apparently she saw us talking in the queue and presumed we were together. I felt awful 😩


The cashier in Lloyd's bank, Uxbridge, circa 2001 who told me that because I had a 'basic bank account' I was not entitled to withdraw money or deposit cash/cheques over the counter (despite me doing both, in that branch, several times). Fuck you, Susan. You know who you are. I asked you then and I'll ask you now - how much more fucking basic can you get than the actual bank??


I got ID’d to buy some booze. I’m pushing 60!


I (F35) left a club to make a phone call for a taxi for me and my friends to get home when I was about 20 years old. I went to go back in to rejoin my friends while we waited for taxi only to be told 'no re-entry after 11pm' I said "Oh, sorry, my friends are inside and I need to tell them the taxi will be here at XX:XX" we had all been drinking. "No, you can't go back in" "Ok, could you make some kind of announcement in there then because I don't think any of them are likely to see or hear their phones" "No" "What am I supposed to do, go home alone?" "Not my problem". "Can't I just go in, tell them, then I'll come right back out?" "No" I had no choice but to slip under the barrier in the smoking area at the front and leg it towards my friends, I could see bouncers coming for me so I saw my friends and shouted "I'M ABOUT TO GET THROWN OUT OF HERE BUT I'LL BE JUST OUTSIDE, TAXI HERE SOON!" then two people grabbed an arm each and dragged me outside.


Went to buy nappies, wipes, crisps, lucozade and 1 pack of 60p paracetamol. I was stood there with my car keys and she said I can’t sell you this. I asked her why, as I definitely look over 16 and I’d comfortably say I look 24-25. She was a thunder cunt and I went home with a pounding headache because of her.


The bellend that wouldn’t sell my mother a bottle of wine with her shopping because I was with her and I didn’t have ID. I was about 15. At no point did anyone claim I was 18 or even mention me. The cunt just picked it off of the conveyor and said she couldn’t serve my mother as I was there. It was a gift for a colleague who was retiring. How many 15 year olds drink Pinot?


Getting on the bus at 11pm the driver wouldn’t let an 18 year old on with an e-scooter. He was 17 miles from home and that was the second last bus.


Morrisons - was ID’d for paracetamol. Was wearing my teacher lanyard, wedding rings, with my husband, and my toddler… was told I couldn’t purchase it as I didn’t have ID and the policy was ‘Think 25’, and the bloke didn’t think I was 25. I’ve never wanted to punch anyone before that day.


As a medic I have too many to name. Typically when attending a mundane job like patient is too drunk “what took you so long” Two responses are useful pending your mood “Was just saving a child who hung themselves due to being bullied” Or “I was doing my shopping and having a meal break” Both get interesting yet very different responses. I wish I’d tried harder at school, the public have beaten the life out of me haha


Professionals need to stop being punished for telling unreasonable customers/patients to fuck off


26 and I was 8 months pregnant when I was ID’d for buying some glue at Hobbycraft.


Mother's day, 19 years old, grabbing a bottle of rosé for my mum, cake and card already in hand. Got asked for ID while I was stood just looking at the stuff, hadn't even picked up a bottle. Showed my ID, dude took me to the till, acted like he was about to process my order then just shakes his head like "nope sorry". He had seen my friend (18) with me, who was waiting outside, as we approached the store, so God knows why he didn't just come out and say it in the first place instead of going through all that rigmarole. Wouldn't sell me the wine unless my friend also had ID, which he didn't. Called him a cunt and walked out, at which point he follows me and grabs me by the shoulder to force me out of the door I was already leaving through. When did this become a rule? Can parents not buy alcohol if they're doing their shopping with their kids? Don't know what that dude's problem was. Ten years later now and wishing I would still get asked for ID sometimes.


A couple of years ago I was wearing a mask in a local Sainsburys and was ID'd for a bottle of wine. Lifting my mask to show my 68 year old grey beard proved sufficient.


The HR admin at work who decided to withdraw my company sick leave due to my 'abusing company generosity' despite the fact I had emergency, life saving surgery which had me in hospital or recuperating at home (with a sick note of course) for every single day I took sick in 2022. Oh and my line manager who didn't back me up despite regularly taking Monday mornings off due to 'migraines' that don't strike mid-week. ​ I have several interviews lined up and will not be there for much longer.


Some years ago went out and bought some yogurt, thought will buy some cheap spoons. Got id'd for the spoons in case I used them to cook up heroin. Apparently you have to be over 18 to do that. Also I don't think yogurt would be on the cards if I was going to cook up some heroin 🤔


About 2 months ago I popped into Wickes to buy some screenwash for the car and a broom. Get to the till and the chap says ‘have you got any ID?’ . At first I thought he was joking, because it didn’t occur to me for a second that they’d ID me for screenwash. After a few awkward seconds, he said ‘seriously, I need to see ID’ …I tried explaining I was 33 and had no intention of drinking the stuff. He wouldn’t budge. The queue behind me suddenly trebled and my wallet was in the car. I was so annoyed at the situation. I had to go and get my wallet and re-queue to prove I was 33 to buy chuffing screenwash!!


Not my own but my dad was in the USA recently and got ID’d when trying to get into a bar. They made him walk back to his hotel to get his ID. He’s 74.


At waitrose last week with my 2 year old, I said “come on do you want to help me pay” and picked him up to distract him because he was getting a bit restless. The guy serving me said he wouldn’t be able to serve me alcohol if he was helping me pay. I thought he was joking - he wasn’t.


I have one with a happy ending. Running for the train. Big one that goes to London. Would have been massively shit if I missed. The platform guard can see me running but massive cunt that he is closes the doors anyway. I beg him just to open them again and let me on but he does that faux-official bullshit voice that dicks with a little power like to use. 'once the doors are closed, nothing I can do' then he blows the whistle. Train starts to move then suddenly shudders to a stop and all the doors light up, fuck knows what it was but it was like a miracle. He says 'hold on' but I just ignore him laughing at my good luck, I hit the button, the doors open and I jump on. Never sure if he was going to try and stop me getting on but he was certainly pissed off I did. One of those jobsworths who just thrive on others misfortune - it was lovely to see him disappointed.