By - FumingAegis
As a field geologist who trains new hires: IF YOU AREN'T COMFORTABLE SHITTING IN THE WOODS, YOU'RE NOT A GEOLOGIST.
Edit: Thanks for the awards, folks! I'm new to reddit and didn't know that was a thing.
Just sprinted to my geologist bf to ask him "are you comfortable shittin' in the woods??". He just responded "Yeah", then kept working.
It checks out.
Yesterday while driving, I passed a small woodland with a toilet just randomly placed between trees.
I had assumed it was for the bears, I didn't consider geologists.
Bears can't be geologists?
I guess this really is the gatekeeping thread.
>Bears can't be geologists?
No, they *can*, but just bearly.
Somewhere in r/relationshipadvice, someone asks "my girlfriend just asked me if I'm comfortable shittin in the woods, what does it mean?"
"I think my GF wants to kidnap me and keep me in the forest"
Reddit advice - Break up with her, and report her to cops.
Total red flag.
You forgot the emojis 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
And every other comment says it is a huge red flag and he should break up right away and file a restraining order.
Well, she fucked around and found out, obviously.
As someone with a fickle GI tract, I’ve learned to be comfortable shitting in the woods. Am I … a geologist?
There’s a logical fallacy there, let me clear that up: not all wood poopers are geologists, but all geologists are wood poopers
If you're pooping wood maybe lower your fibre intake.
TIL geologists have a very specific kink.
Hey man, whatever gets their rocks off
But we all knew geologists like soiling themselves.
Until your child is actually school aged, you are not homeschooling them. Specifically, stay at home parents with one year olds that brag about homeschooling their kid. You’re just parenting. Your child is just a youngling who is still working on basics. It isn’t homeschooling to just raise your child!
Source: I am a stay at home mom with a three year old. Mom groups on social media are toxic and full of nonsense.
Somewhat related: If you’re a father taking care of the kids, you’re not babysitting. You’re just parenting.
Omg, I was a stay at home dad for 5 years and this shit made me crazy.
“Giving mom a break huh?”
“Mr. mom, eh?”
“No jackass, these are my kids, I’m being their dad. Their mom is in another state on a business trip lawyering some shit for a bank.”
Man I am a Stay at Home Dad and that shit pisses me off. No I am the Dad. I don't babysit. These are my kids. It used to piss me off when my kids were little and I couldn't find a baby changing station.
I'm a single father with my kids 100% of the time and I still get irritated at it. I personally love when it's preceded by 'are these your kids'. Like, no lady I got these on aisle 3 from some distracted mom they're mine now.
In the car community - the whole “respect all builds” thing is bullshit your clapped out shit box with eBay springs that scrapes over everything and looks like ass doesn’t count
Take that damn sticker off, nobody knows who you are
I saw a bumper sticker that said something like "even I am scared of my driving".
"I hear you honking, and I also do not want me to be doing what I'm doing."
*dailydriven* motherfucker it's a stock civic with aftermarket wheels. That's kind of the purpose of the car.
A lot of people in the comments don't know what gatekeep means
I know what it means... but uh, can you explain it just so we're sure you know?
Gatekeeping isn't just a general exclusionary opinion like thinking you shouldn't have children if you don't have your shit together or that getting a drivers license should be harder (actual top posts here). It's saying that you're not a real X unless/if you do Y. Like you're not a real punk if you like Blink 182 or people who are obsessed with the Sims aren't real gamers. It's about separating an in-group from an out-group.
So to put shortly, you aren’t a real gatekeeper if you are just spouting exclusionary opinions
Ya ya get them fake ass gate keepers outta here.
Don’t gatekeep my gatekeeping!
stop gate keeping gate keeping
Stop gate keeping people from gate keeping gate keeping
Stop gate keeping gate keeping people from gate keeping gate keeping (I have no idea what the hell I just wrote)
The top comment is basically "if you're not responsible enough to have a child don't have a child"
One who is irresponsible would not be responsible enough to make this decision.
lolol i agree with you! a lot of people are just posting "controversial" opinions
but it's kinda funny that in pointing that out, you yourself are gatekeeping.
you did it right!
Maybe the real gate keeping was the friends we made along the way.
I saw your comment and was like "pfft I bet it's not THAT many who don't know the definition of gate keeping."
Well I was wrong and pretty baffled by how many here really don't understand what gatekeeping means. My brain hurts.
It’s not real gatekeeping unless it comes from the Gate region of France.
What is it then, sparkling fence-sitting?
I think this is gonna end up being one of those sort-by-controversial type of threads.
So far about 20 of the 25 answers above you aren’t even gate keepy, they’re just Reddit popular opinions.
Exactly 😭 opinions like “Don’t have kids if you aren’t mentally, financially, and physically prepared” or “you are responsible for controlling your mental illness” are just common opinions.
A gatekeep-y opinion would be “You shouldn’t wear band t-shirts if you don’t know at least 10 songs from them” or “I pretend I forgot where I got my favorite shirt when friends ask where it’s from bc I don’t want them to get it”
You're not a real "dog person" if you can't respect that some dogs don't like people and they need some space.
If you claim "all dogs like me", then you like the image of yourself being a dog person - more than you actually like dogs.
Yup. I'm a dog trainer and there was a mudi (Hungarian dog breed - general farm dog with a herding bent) at the farmer's market the other day, and I've never actually seen one in real life, so I asked if I could say hi. The owner agrees, I do my typical "would you like to say hi?" kind of greeting, and the mudi sniffed my hand and then backed away.
The mudi's owner then was about to force this dog to submit to my petting! No!! She said no thanks, and I'm going to respect that! Best way to get a dog that acts aggressively is to ignore that communication.
Hijacking because it loosely relates to my gatekeep. People should not be allowed to own pets unless they understand that they have conscious agency. They're not a living teddy that you can just stuff in a crate when you're done playing with them for the day, they're living conscious beings who deserve freedom, love, and respect.
If you don't read, you shouldn't be trying to write.
r/writing gets regular flameouts from novice writers who refuse to read. one time i saw a commenter say they were worried about being “diuretic”
Thats actually really shocking. Like I'm actually struggling to understand why someone would want to be a writer (hobbyist or not) without enjoying reading.
Same reason people love to talk but hate to listen to others.
*There I was, minding my own business, when suddenly I transformed into a pillar of anhydrous caffeine.*
What word were they intending to use? Diabetic? That's all that comes to mind as being close in pronunciation/spelling, but I don't see how it's relevant to writing...
My best guess is they wanted to use diluted as a poor synonym for “derivative”
I'm a beta reader for a couple of authors who are friends of mine. I have other people in my life who know this, and ask me to read their first novel. I always ask them what the last 3 books they read were and if they can't tell me anything, I pass. This has served me well.
I edit a lot at work, and can tell who reads vs who doesn't: odd use of prepositions. It's as if they have a preposition jar program that they click on and it generates a random preposition that will work in any situation. They then complain when I say "that's not standard usage" because they don't read and don't know what's standard and what's not.
My cousin the Lit MFA says that it's "classist" to call them out on this since there aren't rules they can memorize. Sorry, but our only product is our writing, so you need to learn which prepositional phrases are standard vs non-standard; non-standard causes the reader to pause and re-read, which is a no-no in business writing. (Plus all of these people are expensively over-educated, so class is not an issue)
“Unlike other authors I’ve written more books than I’ve read” - Garth Marenghi's Darkplace
>I know writers who use subtext and they're all cowards.
A guy a friend of mine met told him he was a writer but didn’t read because he didn’t want to be influenced by what he was reading. As if it was a bad thing.
As a fan of sneakers: People that buy limited shoes and lock them away or put them on display with 0 intention to wear don't deserve to have them at all.
I mean at this point the whole sneaker culture in the US is just insane. Here is a LIMITED EDITION piece of plastic we made for 50 cents in china, that ll go for 250$ in retail
Skeaker heads are truly a different breed. I like dope shoes but with them it just seems exhausting for shoes you are worried to scuff.
In the car world we call those "trailer queens". $100,000 restored cars that will never see a street. My opinion on this varies.
Sometimes it just makes sense to keep a particular car stored away. It's sort of like a scale to me. The more rare the car, the less I expect to see it driven. But even then, I'd like to see these cars driven not just sitting around. That isn't, generally, the intended function when the car was designed.
I would never admit this to anyone irl, but I hate it what rich kids have done to thrift shopping😭 Like I can’t afford second hand clothes anymore:(
I am SO MAD at the gentrification of secondhand shopping. I remember going to Goodwill for my back-to-school clothes in elementary and getting an entire wardrobe for $30.
Moved countries. Secondhand is ‘trendy’ here. Can’t get a single god damn T shirt for $30. It’s become cheaper to buy fast fashion than to buy secondhand. What’s the fucking point!!!
So true, only flea markets are affordable nowadays. But you have to live near an urban center basically. Some cities have also trading events and initiative for clothes but that’s also an urban thing mostly. Can we cancel rich people please lmao
I feel like it's also with the internet people can look up prices of things so an item they are selling goes for a much higher price even though the thrift shops get the items for free
This also takes all the joy out of collecting something as a hobby. You can’t get lucky finding something you want at a thrift store because people go into thrift shops and buy out anything of value to sell online for crazy prices.
The gate at my workplace is for deliveries only
I don’t think you can get any gatekeepier
And the white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only.
Listen Betty, don't start up with your white zone shit again.
Modern mainstream country isn't country and if it's all you like then you don't like country.
I heard the term “Farm Emo” once and it is my favorite descriptor
That and Hick Hop for stuff like Florida Georgia Line
“HICK HOP?” IM DYING LAUGHING
Honky Pop is another
*A dirt road,
a cold beer,
a blue jeans,
a red pickup,
rural noun, simple adjective*.
Edit: for those saying they’d do it different or I left things out, this is a Bo Burnham [song.](https://youtu.be/y7im5LT09a0) Enjoy!
I walk and talk like a field hand, but the boots I'm wearin' cost 3 grand
Y'all dumb motherfuckers want a key change?!
*Good girl in a straw hat, with her arms out in a corn field... That is a scarecrow*
We go to bed, you doze off
So I take your country girl clothes off
I put my hands on your body
It feels like hay, it's a fucking scarecrow again
I'm a total fuckin count.._ry boy_
No shoes. No shirt. No Jewssss ya didn’t hear that. Sort of a mental typo.
Fuck it's a scarecrow, again!
Fuck my ears you’re pandering
You may enjoy this.
If you want to design tabletop RPGs you need to play more than just DND.
IDK, the guy who invented DND had never even played DND!
Mark Hamill had never even seen a Star Wars movie when he was cast for Episode IV
Not just that, he didn't see the first three episodes until decades later
You mean there's more than the d20 system!?
Absolutely amazing tabletop. There's also a Swedish system (am swedish) called Kult which is epic. Highly recommend if you're looking for something new to try out.
Three wheelers and Slingshots are not motorcycles
Damn right, they’re just snowmobiles on wheels.
Disrespectful to snowmobiles.
They're cars with 3 wheels.
Neither of you have ever heard the word "tricycle" before?
You can't be a MILF without having a child.
This... makes a lot of sense...
I'm not old. It's the children that are wrong.
When I ask people their favorite dinosaur and they tell me pterodactyl or plesiosaurus, being the responsible dinosaur-fan that I am, I have to break the news that those aren't actually dinosaurs, but flying/aquatic reptiles.
Edit: please keep commenting your favorite prehistoric creatures (dinosaur or not!) It's great seeing people so excited about it! Mine would be Parasaurolophus!
The rule of Gondor is MINE and no others'
Authority is not given to you to deny the return of the King!
The way he says Steward so condescendingly. When I think about this for shits and giggles I like to imagine Gandalf spitting down at him, but then morphed into the silly "waa too waa too waa too"
Not everyone deserves to have a mullet
You can’t get past my community college A&P biology class with a C, you shouldn’t be a nurse.
Edit: I guess I wasn’t entirely clear, this is the policy of my former institution.
I tutored someone in freshman chemistry as they repeated the class *several times*. Even transferring schools twice to take it because our university wouldn't allow it more than thrice.
They were dead set on becoming a neurosurgeon but they just could not grasp first semester chemistry. It was painful to watch
I’m not telling you.
Alright then keep keep your secrets
Before you came along, we Baggins' were very well thought of.
god-level gatekeeping. You and only you are allowed this knowledge.
No one but those approved by me are allowed in my favorite swimming spot.
can I go, I promise to leave no trace
For travelers, if you didn't leave the airport and spend at least one day in the country.
***You didn't visit the place.***
I still remember when they interviewed F1 driver Kimi Raikkonen after a Malaysia Grand Prix, as he wouldn’t be participating in the next season, and asked him what he was going to miss most about Malaysia. His reply was something to the effect of “Well, I only ever see the airport, the hotel next to the airport and the racetrack. You can decide which of those you miss the most…”
His blunt honesty was so funny.
When asked about touring, Tom Araya, vocalist and bassist of Slayer, said in an interview:
After 33 years of traveling—actually more like 29 years of actual touring and traveling—after a while, it’s just tiring. And people are like “Oh it must be fun! You travel! You see blah blah blah!” I’m like,man, if you were in my shoes you would think differently. [..] It’s funny, recently we went to Europe to do press for the new album. We did three days in London, a day in Paris, a day in Norway, two days or three days in Germany. And people are like “Oh, that must be nice. Did you get to see much of Paris?” And I look at them, and say “See this room? Look around you.” And they’re looking around. “This is my Paris. It’s beautiful isn’t it?”[Laughs] That's what I say whenever anybody asks me that, because we’re always in the hotels doing interviews and everybody asks me that. “Did you get to see much of Stockholm?” I’ll look around and I’ll show them the room. “How do you like it? This is my Stockholm. It’s beautiful, isn’t it? I like the drapes. Look at the couch. Wonderful.” And then you open the window and go “This is my painting, my picture. This is what I see."
My father, who traveled the world as part of his job for 25 years, argued for and got as part of his contract about 7 years in that whenever they send him somewhere he gets 1 more day in the location before he flies home.
10 day trip to Vietnam becomes an 11 day and he uses the extra day to actually see a few sights. Etc.
It isn't the same as a full vacation, but it took him from disliking the travel part of his job to liking it well enough. His assignments were usually 5-14 days depending on location so no quick turn arounds. Having an extra day to actually see the place he visited made a world of difference.
I travel for conferences a lot as I am a research scientist. During conferences it's an open secret that people will often skip some of the plenary talks or focus group sessions to go just explore a little of the surrounding area.
I can neither confirm nor deny that I may have done this to go surfing during a conference at a hotel on Waikiki beach, Hawaii.
> it’s an open secret
Not just an open secret, it’s almost expected. There is a reason those conferences take places in interesting places.
The organizer definitely didn’t host your conference in Hawaii because of low cost and ease of travel lol.
It's pretty interesting how my employer's event locations are picked. They do weigh the costs and travel, of course, but they also try not to go anywhere too fun. Like, if you hold a meeting in Orlando, half your attendees are just going to use it as an excuse to go to Disneyworld on the company's dime, and a lot of companies (especially government agencies) will not pay for that. On the other hand, if you have it in Fresno, a lot of people will be turned off by the location regardless of how cheap the fees are.
It's an unexpectedly complex balancing act, and I'm glad I'm not in the department that has to figure it all out.
Allocate Surfing to “Team Building”
nah. I'm a physicist. Has to be more physics-y. I got it. "Attended a field session on turbulence in saline fluid wave motion"
As someone who puts on big scientific meetings (including one near Waikiki) for folks like you, I can't say I blame you. Thankfully my bosses are cool with me spending a week or more traveling afterwards, which is definitely needed after a stressful meeting.
I work in Finance for a bike company and honestly I would approve of this.
Honesty like that is so refreshing. I'm so tired of everyone pretending things are one way, when they most obviously are not.
I once overheard a guy trying to impress a date by saying that he "actually lived in Japan for a week".
I’ve always wondered how long you have to stay in one place for it to be considered you living there?
Like can you say you lived somewhere for a month?
I think 1 month is the absolute minimum.
This is why I have three lists:
- have peed in
- have pooped in
- have slept in
I only had a layover in Switzerland, so i never slept there, but i def pooped there.
Edit: tried to fix the formatting, but failed. I'm leaving it.
Bro I spent a constipated week in San Francisco having a great time but not shitting, please don’t invalidate my holiday lol
It's an opportunity to return! Add it to another list!
You left your mark
“If your DNA is there then you were there.”
Assuming poop had DNA. I’m not a scientist.
Um, yes. Don’t ever take a shit at a crime scene.
There was a post not too long ago where a wife had her husband shot and the shooter (she paid him to kill her husband) drop a deuce in the woods while getting away. Got DNA from it and he was found out. Took a deal, ratted out the woman and she got something like a 42 year sentence. Husband survived.
Well that’s her fault for having the shooter drop a deuce while getting away
What a shitty hitman
Sometimes when I poo it looks like a crime scene.
It’s how they knew someone else was in Amanda Knox’s Italian apartment when her roommate was killed - the dumb dumb actual murderer left a poo in the toilet. It helped prove her innocence.
Taking a shit where you just committed a crime is crazy enough on its own... but why the hell wouldn't you flush it?!?!
some take trophies some leave them behind.
I'm sure the adrenaline was rushing, so they were in too much of a rush to remember to flush the murderpoop.
If it ain't her shit you must acquit!
The pooping in is a little extra gatekeeping because I get backed up badly, especially when I travel. Like days… so that seems excessive.
Dude, that makes the places you poop so much more special.
I spent a few days in Copenhagen, so one day I decided to go a train to Sweden for lunch. I also went to a museum, then took a ferry back to Denmark.
I was only in the country about 5 hours, but I consider Sweden a country I've visited.
I'd say so, too. You actually did something.
On the other hand, I neither slept nor pooped there.
If it’s strictly in 4/4, your music is not math rock. I don’t care if you’re tapping, you ain’t usin’ no numbers. Maybe your stuff is really cool, just call it something else.
If you want to be part of a religion you should read and understand the texts and the practices. It should go beyond just going to a service and should always be your choice.
Everyone working in an office should be required to pass computer basics/literacy tests if they're to use a computer for anything important and immediately coached for chastising IT for things they have no control over, and fired for 2nd offenses. It's okay if you fail the test. there will be lots of training and redos, but you ain't doing nothing till you pass. It's not hard nor embarrassing to admit you don't know what the fuck you're doing or what went wrong instead of automatically blaming the first warm body you see, or being generally curt, expecting me to fix something in the blink of an eye before I can even investigate the cause like some sort of slave. Crucifixions are punishments I'd be willing to enact.
I would also like this because as a somewhat computer literate person, my calls with IT all begin with them assuming I’m an idiot. If we could skip that part because basic competence has been tested, it would save us both a lot of time.
Me: Hi, ISP? Yeah, my internet is down. There's no link on the port, it's the same issue I called to report 10 times in the past year. Power at the network equipment is down.
Tech Support at ISP: Do you have a router? Have you tried restarting it? Have you tried connecting your PC directly? Have you replaced the router? Can you press the Start button, open up "Command Prompt" and type "ping google.com" in it?
LADY. THE. LINK. IS. FUCKING. DOWN.
I kinda get this from both sides.
Tech is following a script, one that weeds through steps that solve most issues.
Customer is accustomed to the script and tries to speed through it to attempt the possible solutions that the customer cannot do themselves.
Tech is unfortunately accustomed to being lied to about what steps have already been taken, so they go through the list unless they are personally familiar with the person calling in.
Tech also might get penalized by management for not following a specific protocol.
I get that, too, as I've been in IT since my late teens. I handle tickets from clients, too, but I weed out the dumb ones from the tech savvy ones pretty quick.
Blows my mind how people are unable to google an issue - especially young people that have grown up with computers. We live in the information era and have access to most human knowledge in our pockets. IT people aren’t fucking wizards, they just google the issue or error code and follow the steps someone else posted. They might have like 5% of their job that’s actually difficult technical stuff that the average user wouldn’t reasonably be expected to solve. And this skill is equally useful outside the realm of technology too.
Yes. Had a boss 10 years ago who realized I was just googling her questions and she had the grace to apologize for it and learn from it. Bless her.
I had a doctor that just barely knew how to use a computer or how email works. My confidence that my medical and credit card records were safe on her Windows XP box was near zero.
The number of Doctors who elected to quit or retire when we switched medical records at my hospital was astonishing.
Even more was the number that failed their remedial computer assessment to provide basic training if you don't know. Things like "what is the mouse?"
As someone who worked in IT and support, I agree with this. Between the fifth call in a week from the same user who couldn't figure out how to turn on their computer despite being shown repeatedly AND getting comments from assholes who didnt understand that no, their 10 year old probably couldn't do enterprise IT, I am definitely on board with this.
"Good to know your ten year old is smarter than you. Now see this, right here, that says 'out of paper?' No, the printer is not broken, it is in fact out of paper."
>Now see this, right here, that says 'out of paper?' No, the printer is not broken, it is in fact out of paper."
Yup, been exactly there.
"I'm getting an error message when I try to print, come down immediately!"
"What does the error say?"
"I don't know that techy stuff, get down here, it's urgent!"
Show up, hit print, get presented with an error message stating "printer out of paper".
People just don't read error messages.
My boss was having computer issues one day and she asked me to come over and help, I went over asked her to show me the problem and an error message popped up, she had closed it almost before I noticed it was there! I said do you know what it said? and she said no so I had to tell her to do it again and read what the error was
Love the calls where they look stupid. Monitor doesn't work and you give me attitude? I come and it's unplugged. Plug it back in. Shazam.
Stop going to the gym, wearing the clothes, and taking the selfies if you’re not gonna actually work out. Frauds.
I saw stop going to the gym
In that moment, I was winning.
Not working out at home > Not working out at the gym
I don't work out all *sorts* of places!
I hate this solely for the reason that these are the type of people that are least conscientious of the space and time they take away from other people at the gym.
You're not a foodie if you only eat like 5 things and pick half the stuff in every dish before you eat it. Also, you need to cook or else you really don't understand food and all the processes that go into making something. If you can't even cook basic stuff and haven't bothered to try much of anything, your food opinions don't matter.
Let's just eliminate the term foodie all together.
Fckin hate the term foodie. Went from a term describing people whose one of life passions is food to one used by people who just like to take pictures of food that a lot of times isn't even good but just looks pretty
That....sounds kinda good, actually.
Not everyone’s opinion carries the same weight. An expert in a field should have far more say than a random member of the public.
Most of them to be honest
Obligatory username checks out
It’s so petty and I hate myself for it, but when someone sits down at a piano and pounds out either Chopsticks or Fur Elise my soul dies
Or Heart and Soul
I feel the same way about string instruments and Canon in D. I’ll never stop grudging over the cello part being so repetitive repetitive.
Edit: corrected spelling, ‘Cannon’ it ain’t.
I used to really like Für Elise, but I've heard it so many times now
Fur Elise is a great litmus test for me. A lot of people have no clue about the B and C sections of the song, so if someone plays fur Elise but just plays the part everybody knows then I get annoyed. If they play the full song, I can respect it.
Elise he was honest
As a social worker who just took a youth to a shelter, stop fucking having kids willy nilly. You don't "love" your kid if you're just gonna kick them out over a disagreement
We need to start hitting parents who kick out their kids with child support garnishments, if not straight up imprisonment for neglect. The level of tolerance society shows for these ratfucking scum is just insane to me.
People who have religious objections to doing necessary portions of their jobs should find a different job, especially if you are unwilling to step aside and let a coworker handle what you object to.
Agree. There was a pharmacist who worked with my friend at a CVS on college campus (they basically only dispensed birth control and adhd meds) and the pharmacist wouldn’t dispense any birth control like??? Get a different job lol
It is insane to me that in the US we allow doctors and pharmacists to add bureaucratic steps to the patient’s goal because of the doc/pharmacist’s religious beliefs. If you don’t want birth control, don’t take it. If you want to stop patients from accessing it, fuck off. This is like a Mormon working at a coffee shop and refusing to serve coffee because it has caffeine. If you don’t want to drink it, don’t. But if you can’t serve the people in the shop, you need to make way for someone who can actually do your job.
Same with "I'm not a computer person, can you just do this for me?". Look lady, you're job description now requires a computer person.
As a mechanic that's like saying "this hybrid and electric stuff is too complicated, I just want to work on old cars" gotta keep up with the times people!
That mechanic is my dad, lol. But he also considers everything more than anti lock brakes to be coddling drivers.