T O P
AceFurryTrash

The Earth just to see what happens


buyingwife

Suddenly, more earth


Mundane__Detail

It's free real estate


washington_breadstix

But that makes me wonder whether "5% bigger" would mean we get 5% more surface area, or whether it would be 5% more volume.


Fragrant_Example_918

Or 5% more diameter? Radius? Mass?


XOMEOWPANTS

Well, 5% more radius would also mean 5% more diameter. 5% more radius would also mean ~10% more surface area and ~16% more volume. Mass could be indepent though. 5% increase in mass with no change in radius would likely be catastrophic for society.


legend_forge

The storms alone would be devastating. Communications and logistics would be severely hampered when satellites come crashing down and all transport of all things gets more expensive or impossible. I feel like some aircraft would be negatively affected but may still be operable (burning more fuel and damaging components). Air pressure would be affected so that would have downstream effects and probably cause a die off of the oceans. Some bugs would flourish and some would die off. Cats and dogs living together. Mass hysteria!


[deleted]

The 1400s summarized


No_Lunch_7944

Imagine discovering a whole ass pair of continents. And then the government just starts giving away massive parcels of land to anyone willing to go live there.


EricMausler

suddenly everyone wondering why they gained weight


Doc580

My hands. Nobody messes with a person who has shovels for hands.


loljkbye

Uncle Jack?


Nigma_CM

Can you just place your hands over mine like they're my hands?


infreq

So your hands are just 5% from being very large?


baytay25

Everyone’s patience.


orphan_blud

I’d give you an upvote had you posted this comment one hour earlier.


ChronicleHunter

Lmao, it took a few seconds, but I got the joke


orphan_blud

Took you long enough! Jesus.


TbaggingSince1990

Yikes imagine taking almost 30 minutes to reply to that guy


orphan_blud

HEY.


mementori

That can’t all be as quick as us at replying. Well actually… they could be.


The-Hank-Scorpio

fine, but hurry up already


Gupoochamois69

The density of hair on my noggin


CommercialAddress168

Sadly, a 5% increase won’t do much for me anymore. (Single tear shed for the hair I used to have.)


IFrickinLovePorn

I'll condition my hair in your honor


SpectroR5

X button in mobile adds


Roediej

Have still not entirely worked this tactic out. Let me close this ad… Try to click microscopic button…. Shit I missed and now I’m on the App Store page. Well since I’m here anyway……………… might as well download this app that forced me to stop doing whatever I was doing. Who does that? I only feel resentment towards whatever the ad was for.


inksane

Ironically those ads are often my ISP company. I already pay them for internet and cable and phone. Why the hell do they send me more ads.


MysticScribbles

To prevent you from seeing ads for their competitors, which might influence you to swap to something less cancerous.


scottcmu

Not sure what 1.05 pixels would look like, but I like where your head is at.


Physicswhiz

Wait can we all contribute our 5% for this like the section above giving a guy an 11 ft penis?


Grouchy-Ability-6717

Absolutely, I'm doing that


swish301

Also the skip button


bubbles959

My right boob, then my bras would actually fit the correct way lol


Madihoney

Mine is my right boob too! Everyone I’ve talked to is it’s always their left. I understand the struggle. 😩


anglostura

I remember hearing it has to do with Lefty's proximity to the heart.


itwasquiteawhileago

LEFT BOOB STRONG!! RIGHT BOOB WEAK!!


hotarukin

Boob, together, strong?


brosandbras

One is bob and the other boob,


[deleted]

[удалено]


Self_Reddicated

Something tells me that this would cause absolute chaos for earth, eventually. Considering Mars proximity to the asteroid belt, there's no way an extra 5% increase in mass doesn't affect its orbit, its interaction with the asteroid belt, earth, or even Jupiter. Some shit would definitely pop off and I'm thinking Earth would be affected as well.


Wurun

finally some use for those nukes


Spartanhalforc

My muscle to fat weight ratio.


DuckWithADagger

Well I was born with one arm shorter than the other so naturally I'd wish for a bigger dick


shoshilyawkward

So did everyone call you Clock?


HeyWhatsItToYa

Wait a minute.


OneInfinith

For real, hold on a second


Drone30389

That's cuckoo.


BigBoiPP2008

Turn the knob to wind it up


Stubbs0001

Did you at least have a second hand?


DuckWithADagger

Yeah. But my shoulder is in the socket weird so it looks like is 2 inches shorter than the other


AdActive3883

You have a face though, right?


pukesonyourshoes

Hey don't wind him up


AdActive3883

You're right. I wouldn't want to tick him off.


JdamTime

Do we really have time for this?


Mr_Mayberry

Someone had to say it


DirkDiggyBong

I also wish this guy had a bigger dick.


justananon8

The right foot of everyone in the world. Not everyone would notice but it would mess with the minds of those that did just enough.


Hopeful_Course_1730

Jokes on you, my left foot is slightly bigger than my right already


CollectionOfAtoms78

Mine are the opposite, this would only add to the effect for me. :(


Ericknator

Pair of shoes would no longer fit


LoOstrich

An absolute menace


_Weyland_

Gravitational constant. Let's see how it goes.


TruthOf42

I have a sneaking suspicion that it almost immediately causes the entire universe to implode, or at least each and every planet


TheOneTrueTrench

A lot of stars become black holes.


cadnights

"Not so constant anymore, eh??"


greg_reddit

Higher up some increased the sun’s mass by 5% which results in a 50 degree rise in the earth’s temp. Increasing the gravitational constant is worse because you probably kill off most of the civilizations in the universe.


wildcatoffense

my parents lifespan


m3ggsandbacon

That would have added enough years to my moms life to see her first grandchild born. She wouldnt have made it to his first birthday with 5% but still 100% worth it. I pick this too


justuselotion

I feel this in my soul. My mom liked to sit on the porch and watch her blooms come in during the early spring. One day I found her crying on the porch by herself. I said “Mom what’s wrong?? Are you hurting?” She said “I really wish I had more time. I really wanted to meet my grandson.” She fought like crazy as long as she could.. She passed away that summer after a long hard fight. Her grandson was born in the fall, a week after her birthday. I miss her more than words can explain.


itsmybootyduty

Oh, my heart. I’m so sorry that she’s no longer here with you, and I hope it was cathartic for you to share this moment with us.


pesimisticpervpirate

If I could have given it to you, I'd of given you my 5%


ShirtPanties

I also pick this persons parents


Bloopsers

If we all pick this persons parents they can become immortal


Positronicon

Please stop praying for my grandpa, he has become too powerful, no hospital can hold him


QuahogNews

I agree so much. Both of my parents died young bc of heavy smoking. If you smoke, please fucking quit. There is nothing on this earth worse than watching first one, and then the other, of your parents slowly suffocate from emphysema/COPD. Edit: of course, I’m sure it’s worse to *be* one of those parents.


We_had_a_time

I remember being a teenager and begging my mom to quit smoking, saying “don’t you want to watch my kids grow up?” She would scoff. When my son was born, she watched him every day while I worked. They were incredibly close. From diagnosis of lung cancer to her death was less than six weeks. At the end, she said over and over “I wanted to watch grandson grow up”. She died six days after his 10th birthday. Watching him mourn her has been the saddest thing I’ve ever experienced.


jenkinsleroi

Be sure you're not making a wish on a monkey's paw


SigmundFreud

Monkey's paw version of the wish: their parents live just long enough to see themselves become villains.


tocilog

That doesn't seem so bad. Villains run corporations and take their kids to work to spend time with them. OTH, heroes seem to struggle with work/life/heroing balance where life often takes a back seat. Would you rather have villain or hero parents?


Potential-Natural636

There's a couple different types of villain parents lol.


WhitestMikeUKnow

ROI in my 401k Edit: thanks for all the up doots and award! Now if only I could get this type of support for my income.


PT10

Damn that's smart


IH8BART

Still going with penis


honkeydave

Same; I choose to enlarge this guy’s penis by 5%.


Embarrassed-Tune9038

Same: I choose to enlarge this guy's penis by 5%.


Da1UHideFrom

We're up to a full 2 inches!


uknownuthin

Fine! I chose to do the same - enlarge this guy’s penis by 5%.


mahoganyteakwood2

This is all fine and dandy unroll you wind up with a 47 foot dick.


Kahzgul

There once was a genie with a 10 foot weenie so he showed it to the girl next door. She thought it was a snake so she hit it with a rake and now it’s only 3 foot 4.


Jeff_From_IT

He'd need a blood bank to go, just incase he got an erection.


corei3uisgarbo

Enlarge that dude's dick by 5%


orphan_blud

Lesbian checking in, but nevertheless, I also choose to enlarge this guy’s penis by 5%.


Zerotan

4% is now 4.2%. Congrats!


BooksandBiceps

Compound interest my man. Invest enough and with enough time it’s still quite a bit.


Astropnk12

4% for 40 years compounded is 480% 4.2% for 40 years compounded is 518% so yeah, it does, and that is with simple compounding


OolongAI

Gardens in metropolitan urban zones


defthrown69

Make the length of a day 5% longer, if that’s not cheating. Get an extra 72 minutes 👀


monkeydace

Gonna end up working an extra 72 minutes a day


yungchow

You would trigger the largest climate shift in multiple eons


Divallo

The population count of endangered species


appleparkfive

Monkey's paw: 5% more animals are added to the endangered species list.


scsibusfault

Monkey's paw but helpful: all those are mosquito species.


Ender_Nobody

Most mosquitos aren't blood drinkers, though.


dudemanlastname

My love for myself. It's lacking and I could use the boost


global_chicken

You're doing great dudemanlastname


dudemanlastname

I could be better stranger, I could be better


global_chicken

You could be but you are surviving your situation and that in of itself is great Edit : who knew this would be how I would get awards. I hope you all thrive in your situations <3


snarltoothedseether

We all could. What matters is having the right attitude about it. You got this man :)


PathosRise

I pick this guy's self love too.


massiveonionman

See, sometimes reddit isn't a hell hole of fucking degeneracy. Sometimes wholesome.


ShyBaldur

The amount of good in everyone.


Channel_el

So it'll make anyone who's already really good way better but the a**holes essentially still stay a**holes


i_only_eat_nachos

Assholes may still be assholes, but they may second guess themselves and start changing at some point with an extra 5%


goodty1

I’ll take it, they won’t be as much of assholes


Dutch_Fudge

My heart, so I can love even more.. ** dies **


decaplegicsquid

He died just as he lived - with heart problems.


Dorito_T

A man called ove


Hitman-0311

My salary


Struana

I just got a 5% raise in this 10% inflation world we live in. That's a whole $25 more a month that can go towards the $50 increase food and gas each month.


mcmustang51

Making $500 a month?


PM_ME_UR_SEX_VIDEOS

That’s basically just a cost of living raise But more money is more money


DubiousTomato

The rate of cancer research development, cause screw cancer.


Abookem

Russel Crowe once fought a guy with cancer. He beat the shit out of that pussy cancer.


Wilma_Tonguefit

Making movies making music and fighting round the world!


Visible-Astronaut-81

The habitable land, or the percentage of freshwater on earth


J4pes

Just ask Canada for water we give it away to Nestle for nothing


morguerunner

My stature. 5% of 63 inches is 3.15. I’d be a little over 5’6. It’s not much, but I’d like to be just a little taller than I am now. Edit: I feel like most people saw this and assumed I was a guy. I’m a girl who dislikes being short lol but I hear y’all


moosecaboose1969

You would then become a baller. You would a know girl who looks good so you could call her. You would also have a rabbit in a hat, with a bat, and a 6-4 impala.


maxwellwood

Yea but idk if he can get with Leoshi, needs another 15"


Whitecrayxn

I'd say my bank account but I literally got like 60c in there so that'll just be silly 😂 maybe instead my height


phibulous1618

Interest in a growth account then


geft

Meanwhile inflation persists at 10%.


CurriMuncher69

The percentage of money you have compared to Elon musk, from 0.001% to around 5%


vitalviper

You have 2.6 million in your bank account already? Damn


CurriMuncher69

I sold 3 of my kidneys so I’m kinda loaded already


Maniacboy888

Glaciers at the poles.


ManiacOP

Antarctica. Cool everything the fuck down.


-Jotun-

If you really want things to chill, make the radiative emissivity of the earth 5% bigger. Then the earth would emit 5% more heat than it already does, which would literally cool the planet down. By a lot.


raytaylor

I wonder if painting rooftops white would help with that?


brendan250

It wouldn’t help radiate more energy, but a trivial amount of solar energy would be reflected back out into space


Financial-Peak-6423

Not trivial, actually There is some surprisingly promising research being done into literally mirroring the sun back into space, whether it’s with large traditional mirrors or reflective particulates.


-_-LivvuAurora-_-

My chest, still flat ffs.


SpeccySnowflake

*Raising the confidence and self love of people with insecurities about their bodies by 5%*


_solounwnmas

Yes, this is great actually Idk how you'd quantify 5% of self esteem though


bakersdozing

Make it the boobs of every woman who has flat chest insecurity, for the other members of the Itty bitty titty committee please


Due-Preparation5104

Yes please lol. Honestly I like my tits but I wish they were a bit bigger so they'd look better in some clothes without me having to wear a push-up bra.


PyrZern

... You know what, let's make the Sun 5% bigger. I wanna see what happens.


jacksansyboy

Instant death. Huh, neat.


stryph42

Prove it


BangBangMeatMachine

In reality, it wouldn't be instant, but it would be bad. Assuming we made the sun 5% more massive, the luminosity would go up by (1.05)\^3.5 = \~18% which would mean the steady-state temperature of Earth would go up by about 18% or about 52 degrees celsius. For reference, the worst-case global warming scenario that we're currently looking at is about 4 or 5 degrees celsius. 52 degrees hotter is likely hot enough to permanently evaporate all water on Earth into the atmosphere. A lack of liquid water and an atmosphere full of it would do a lot to eliminate the variations in temperature we currently experience, so it would be something like 150 degrees farenheit 24/7. No jet stream, no ocean cooling, probably no rain ever, or at least none that ever reaches the surface. Certainly all crops would then die. Basically, this leads to a "hothouse" Earth not fit for human survival. Edit: a couple people pointed out that I overestimated the temperature rise based on that level of insolation. I misremembered an equation. The actual increase would be closer to 12c, but regardless of the temperature calculations,10% more insolation still may be enough to create a runaway greenhouse effect that leads to the same results. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Future_of_Earth#:~:text=In%20about%20one%20billion%20years,entire%20carbon%20cycle%20will%20end.


bonos_bovine_muse

This isn’t even taking into account that a larger sun would be more massive, so the Earth, provided it keeps its current orbital velocity, would settle into a closer orbit.


oktin

The sun's mass is 1.9885\*10^30 kg. It will be 2.0879\*10^30 kg. Earth's orbit ranges from Q: 152 100 000 km to q: 147 095 000 km (a:149 598 000 km). Its speed ranges from Q: 29.29 km/s to q: 30.29 km/s. To minimize damages, let's wait for q (perihelion) on Jan 4th 2023 to do the magic. R=(147 095 000, 0, 0)km, V=(0, 29.29, 0)km/s, M=2.0879E+30kg, m=5.9721E+24kg [Earth's mass] plugged into OrbitSimulator.com. There's now 331.9 days in a year. At it's closest to the sun earth is q:138 167 000 km away, and averages 142 631 000 km (well semi-major axis, which a little smaller than average over time because of changing velocities) estimates (found on DuckDuckGo) for the inner edge of the sun's habitable zone range from 134 000 000km to 142 000 000km so even without the increased brightness humanity (probably not all life though) is screwed.


Desertbro

FULL SOLAR ECLIPSE not longer possible, since the moon is now smaller in the sky than the sun - plus - the change in orbit, so the sun looked even bigger STILL...even my BlueBlockers can't handle it.


Ellweiss

Just want to point out I found it funny how your reply to "Yeah we all die horrible deaths, starvation, heat, dehydration, basically hell" was "Yup, also no more full solar eclipse" haha


uns0licited_advice

r/theydidthemath


BangBangMeatMachine

Yeah, good point.


raytaylor

Oh the humidity


caelumh

Nah, it would be a dry heat.


quietsam

carry the one…this checks out


foubard

*chuckles* I'm in danger.


Ibeepboobarpincsharp

It tastes like burning!


Obvious-Dinner-1082

As a man born with an undersized heart, I often have to go for blood work related to my issue, multiple EKG per year, and generally unable to participate in physical sports I enjoy. So I suppose that would be my answer, a slightly larger penis.


D-chord

Polar ice caps? Not sure—would that help?


Flamin_Jesus

The difference between my current net worth and a net worth of negative 40 billion.


Bylahgo

My dogs lifespan


writingwithwings

Yes, All good boys deserve more life


Ok-Outlandishness244

Man my cat died today and now I’m sad again:’( Thank you all for the nice words, I’m obviously quite devastated so they mean a lot


captainmagictrousers

The number of days where I'm happy.


Arxieos

5% of zero is still zero sorry buddy


naugasnake

I'd like you to be 5% nicer.


tenpenniy

5% of zero is still zero sorry buddy


Human-Virus-5185

Annual income growth


[deleted]

Eye rods ?. Whatever physiological component improves how light intake comes into the eyes so I can see even better and less often with eyewear


prodigymib

Yeah maybe increase the density of rods in your eyes


ghosts-go-boo

Gummy bears.


tanderso12

You’re on to something here


Nakedstar

My house. I think that would be just big enough to give us a water closet/half bath. With six of us here a second toilet would be near magical.


chupacabrabras

My mom grew up in an 875 square foot house with two bedrooms and one bath. Two parents, five GIRLS and one bathroom. I have no idea how they did it. Then my grandfather worked really hard, saved a lot of money and bought a 2500 sq ft house with five bedrooms and three baths. All the girls except for one were already in high school so within 5 years the house was way too big for my grandparents and one daughter lol!


PaleoAss

Women's pockets


free-crude-oil

5% of zero is still zero


TheBrokenCarpenter

I realised the same thing when I thought about increasing my bank balance but I checked and thats negative anyway, does 5% of a negative mean I now have even less money?


Blixtwix

My odds of winning the lottery.


olliboee_

it increases by 5%...that means it goes from about 1 in 45 million to about 1 in 43 million


Just_Aioli_1233

So you're saying there's a chance...


bstix

If only it was 5 percentage points.


DoenS12

Our current understanding of natural law. Gravity, the formation of planets, that kind of stuff is what I’m meaning, if that’s not what I said.


Dramatic-Dark4253

Fuck it, let’s make Pluto 5% bigger. I want that rock to become a fucking planet again 😭


SweetWodka420

Yeah, it didn't even get to make a single orbit* around the sun since we discovered it! Edit: swapped the word rotation for orbit


JlTlS

My height.


poisinjakyl

My house.


AllTittiesNeedLove

My boobs lol I don't want a boob job, I'm fairly happy with my B cup titties, but if they were naturally 5% bigger, I'd probably have more fuller looking boobs and cleavage and I think I'd be pretty happy with that slight adjustment. Otherwise, if body parts don't count then I'd go with my paychecks. That little bit would definitely count and Id use the 5% extra to put in savings. Its not much, but anything helps


kevingh92

Username checks out!


jmantrucker

Leg room in coach


random_psychology23

The average iq of people


Curls_And_Curves

My self acceptance


grass-snake-40

my dog so i don't trip over him as much


im-a-kookie

It depends on how the math works, but the accuracy rate of cell replication in my body. Like if this is a 99.9999% accurate process and we make that 1.05x larger, then it could it a ~105% accurate process. Meaning that all cells and genes are copied with absolute perfection and I become immune to aging and most cancers. Otherwise, a small section of my SRY gene at birth, causing me to be born... Well that's really complicated... With a more extreme intersex variation that would make me simultaneously less sexually ambiguous and would therefore save me from a huge amount of the abuse that I grew up with.


all-rider

Also no more shortening telomeres, so you don’t age anymore. That’s a good one.


mpcamposz

compound interest over my investments