T O P
MrFunnyMoustache

The first thing I would do is stop time for the whole universe (myself excluded) so I would have more time to think about what to do and avoid catastrophic unintended consequences. Hopefully I remember to resume time before I leave this dimension to some other reality....


Atanar

Step 1: Make a backup.


MrFunnyMoustache

That's true! The "it's fine, I don't need any backup" could actually be famous last words that would actually be the last words... EVER!


katanakid13

Get rid of rabies. That shit scary.


RegularWhiteDude

Myth: Three Americans every year die from rabies. Fact: Four Americans every year die from rabies.


Itsa_spicy_Pancake

I mean, 3 do die every year if 4 die. Both statements are facts if the 2nd one is.


MaggieMay1519

Scrolling too fast and I thought that said babies.


katanakid13

Scary babies are best babies. Nothing more fun than when a kid says something that makes you want to call an exorcist.


chimininy

Get rid of those brain eating amoeba things we hear about now and then too. Those also scary.


KibethTheWalker

Also ticks, get rid of those fucks.


hansn

I'd appear on some toast.


jeffreyd00

You would, or an image of yourself? I think if it were actually you they'd get more for it on eBay.


hansn

Me briefly, then just my image.


stefannootje2002

Grilled cheesus?


MrHyperion_

*All* the toast. From now on, every toast will have your face. No one knows why.


Vession

Realise that I now have the power to accidentally delete existence and then immediately and accidentally do so as my brain considers how I'd do it


[deleted]

Just undo? Omnipotence and all that jazz


hackepeter420

For real, if CTRL+Z doesn't work you just make it work


DjessicaDjane

My impulsive brain would fuck up so badly if it ever had any amount of power like this. It would immediately start pondering what the *worst* possible thing to do is, then start doing it automatically as I desperately pump the brakes to no avail. I never want to be omnipotent. Edit: although I guess my first omnipotent act could be to grant myself more self control, duh


Charming_Love2522

If you've ever played the sims, you know how the ultimate power corrupts your thinking. The dark, dark ideas that enter your mind are.... well, dark.


therealphiba

Edit Reddit post titles


TrickBox_

Bring back dislikes on YouTube Edit: God is dead, see comments below for solutions on mobile and desktop


donutlad

bring back the 5 star rating as opposed to the thumbs up/thumbs down


Lukthar123

He's too powerful to be left alive!


Ramble21_Gaming

Finally, I can change your to you're.


meowmaster

I would explore.


BoredKing98

Pretty much. Leave earth and just wander around the infinite void know as space. Edit: People keep pointing out how I'll probably never find Earth again so I'll just say one word: godlike. Secondly, what makes y'all think I woukd want to come back? There is a reason my first choice is to leave.


Soag

This is the plot to Star Maker by Olaf Stapledon, great book!


rathat

Arthur C. Clark said this was his favorite scifi book. Looked it up, he also said “probably the most powerful work of imagination ever written”


stoicismftw

That’s all the praise I need. Added to my list.


BoredKing98

Really, I'll have to check it out.


Alarmed_Bread_1909

People now have unlimited teeth. As in, they will grow back if taken out. Imagine going to the dentist and their only job is to remove the tooth and pat you on the back. Edit: I've gotten the sense that people don't like dentists. Or they really like them, no in-between. Let's just say they fall out naturally and grow in with limited discomfort within a month. Still have to brush though. Last and final edit: Firstly, I've patched the wisdom tooth issue. Babies will no longer be born with wisdom teeth starting October 2nd. Second point. "Why wouldn't you just make the teeth indestructible and they never have to fall out"? Because that's boring. While im at it, why don't I solve all of your problems so that there's no more illnesses and redundant features to the human form. I may be a God but I have other things going on. Seriously think about it. You guys would get used to the perfect teeth thing pretty quick and then you'd find somthing else to complain about. In a world where your teeth do have flaws, you would be grateful to get a new tooth. Might even make your day! I guess I'm just trying to say, perfection is boring and the charm of it would wear off. Be sure to brush and floss regularly, Tooth God out!


JameslsaacNeutron

I don't want to go to this olive garden


Wild_Mastic

Unlimited teeth works


foxytriscuit

I interpreted this wrong.


octoshark_

Wait like sharks?


Alarmed_Bread_1909

As in, noose cavities, fractures or root canals. Just get new teeth instead of dentist.


ujythrsgfdd

Stop time, chill for a thousand years.


PartyKrill

So basically, get caught up on your game backlog.


society15sick

Like Bernard’s Watch style?


hoonosewot

I'm not a big one for fantasising generally, but I genuinely fantasise about owning Bernard's watch at least once a week. The ability to just have as long a lie in as I want, never be late for anything, be super efficient with everything so I've got plenty of time leftover to do fun stuff. I don't want to do anything wild with it, I just want to make the day about 28-30 hours long, would improve quality of life so much. EDIT: As a lot of people are mentioning it, I will caveat that in this scenario I'm not aging. The rules of BW were a bit fluid but to my mind he didn't age.when time was frozen.


[deleted]

[удалено]


fixitmonkey

Don't forget that he freezes water that's flowing so must also freeze air molecules in place, so if he stops moving he'll use up all the oxygen in that area and suffocate. ...I may have thought about this a little too much. Edit: crap what about light, that takes time to move too. If he makes a shadow does the shadow stay once he moves away?


KevinTheSeaPickle

My fantasy suddenly has rendering issues...


BabyYodasDirtyDiaper

More important than the shadows, you'd be blind every time you stopped time. If the light isn't moving, then it will never reach your eyes. Maybe you'd see flashes of light whenever *you* move and your eyeballs intersect frozen photons ... but you'd have no way of knowing where those photons came from or where they were going, and you wouldn't be able to discern any useful information from them, besides the general amount of light in the area. You'd be able to tell the difference between sunlight, a bright room, a dark room, complete darkness, etc ... but that's all your eyes would be good for. You'd be deaf, too. Sound likewise takes time to move through the air. Then again, your deafness is probably less of a problem anyway. With nothing else moving, the only sounds would be the ones you make yourself. Fun fact: complete silence *has* been known to drive people kind of crazy. Have fun with that!


fixitmonkey

I've been in an acoustic room before, it gets really uncomfortable the longer you are in there. I did think about the light but just assumed that as you moved you would have the image frozen like a photo, but agreed you'd be blind without movement. Sounds like a torture, keep moving in a soundproof environment desperately trying to breathe and see before you die of exhaustion.


FluffyProphet

Make sure you remove yourself from the flow of time first though. Could be a real bad first move if you forget that part


I_heart_CELLO

Make it so cereal bags never rip the wrong way ever again.


BeginningProposal604

Put Ziploc enclosures on cereal bags


ChillMarky

Generate a new seed.


[deleted]

I do that like twice a day already


saffer_zn

Heya ,there it is.


cinnapear

Those are rookie numbers.


AtariAlchemist

Don't forget to set either: Gravity > Dark Energy or Entropy = 0.0000000.... in universe generation settings. Also, maybe change the setting for new star formation from: 10^8 to 10^14 years to something higher like 10^8 to 10^17 years, although that number could probably go even higher if entropy = 0. Generating a new universe just for it to decay into lifeless planets, dead suns, black holes, and ultimately quantum particles after 10^106 years is disappointing, especially since you may not be able to do a server reset.


cheezeter

If entropy =0 then how can anything grow and change? How can we get a supernova to generate new stars? I believe that universes exist simultaneously and, that universes are popping into existence in the so called dead universe. Entropy possibly has a hand in it.


MrOphicer

This. People have this nihilistic feeling about entropy and time and don't realize without it, nothing would happen. I think we don't even have the ability to conceptualize a radically different working alternative to our universe. For what it is ( "a bang out of nothing" ) it's pretty fucking perfect in its parameters and stability.


ttocsy

Sort my knees out. I'm in my mid-twenties, and I'm not thrilled by the prospect of having to go the rest of my life on this dodgy pair. Edit: to everyone suggesting I go to the gym and learn to squat; I do that a lot, it hasn't helped with lateral movement. To the absolute madman who said 'you have no knee stability? Try rollerblades, son' - I like you. Deeply suspicious, but I might try it.


octoshark_

Sounds counter productive but there are alot if excersises you can do to strengthen your knees, it helps! I did it for my wobbly ankles and I don't roll mine anymore.


TheMetaReport

Probably change the laws of this universe to make it an abundant utopia before peacing out and making my own universe with elves and dwarves and magic and shit


TranceKnight

Yeah something like this- I’d gather/create countless inhabitable/inhabited worlds and arrange them into a kind of infinite clockwork. A galaxy brimming with life, with worlds easily accessible to one another, sharing a galaxy-wide Goldilocks zone of thousands of stars.


dongerhound

Plot twist they’re all xenophobic


Lenny0069

Stellaris moment


other_usernames_gone

Perfect, so they'll all be friendly to one another. Because as we all know that's how xenophobia works.


TavisNamara

"You're xenophobic? Dude, so am I! Twinsies!" - Literally no one ever


dezmd

*turns on Xeno Compatibility* Oh no, what have I done. *entire universe starts lagging*


blarffy

What? And miss the opportunity to give this to humans? Humans just became reality TV to me. Here's a dragon, go!


SoraTheDoc

Teleport to Mars and build my own fancy castle out of nowhere


chillin1066

That works fine until your Ex convinces you to come back and save the Earth.


RatPlaster

Then you kill an insane vigilante


beckisnotmyname

Don't forget to hang dong


Sophssy

Force war-mongering politicians to fight each other to the death while we all observe.


Starsky7

I’ve had this thought before. Put 3 dictators in a room, one weapon between them…


Phenoix512

One gas mask between them all and a timer


WarWizard

But there is a leak in the mask they don't know about.


Cedex

A rusty spoon.


MilieMeal

First fight: Putin vs a hungry bear.


Mythic2408

Nah. Putin vs Florida man. The ultimate showdown


win-go

I assume Florida man comes with a bear or some other deadly creature


BigEndian01000101

Alligator, of course. Or a very angry flamingo.


Mythic2408

Worse. He has a pet bird which got arrested for mutilating 10 people in a minute.


Lonely_Audience

I so wish this wasn’t a real thing that happened in Florida but… from first hand experience, yeah.. Even the domesticated birds are predators here


[deleted]

Yeah I agree, these politicians probably want to sit on their asses while they have their workers pick which teenagers who just got out of high school and are trying to enjoy their summer, to send it to war where they are likely to die before they can even crack open a beer and drink it


lukrog33

Like hunger games, in arena


ekahnomy

Pause time for a few hours so I can take a fat ass nap without anyone bothering me


Vinny_Lam

The scary thing is, for all we know there might actually be an omnipotent being doing this every few minutes. We would have no way of ever knowing.


DoctorSalt

If I was in some kind of Sims game the player better get to pause lest they go all genocidal


Postitnotes9

They forgot to pause, and let the dark ages play out… Woke up from nap time and everyone’s sitting in mud.


Slithy-Toves

Man honestly if there was some omnipotent being controlling it all they literally could have been talking to people in Bible times n shit and this entire time since we've heard nothing is just them gone to get a snack and take a piss haha they come back like WTF MY GAME and clicks restart. Or maybe civilization is just Gods little bro fucking with it whiles he out with his friends


not_bad_really

The best guess I've ever come across is we're God's 3rd place 9th grade science experiment that's been forgotten about in a lab closet.


somek_pamak

I don't smoke weed but this comment makes me wanna go get high


ICallCollect

Don't forget to bring a towel.


Hardlyhorsey

That’s not scary, I’d rather have a well rested omnipotent being than a cranky one


DerelictDonkeyEngine

Eh, that's not really a scary thought. It wouldn't really affect anyone.


HighlyOffensive10

If we can't tell does it matter?


mineset

What door?


JimbroJammigans

Literally the first thing I thought of. Everything just shhhhhhh for a little while.


stumpdawg

I'm totally making dwarves.


sweaty-pajamas

Okay chill, Aule


aquagardener

Eru will not be pleased when he hears about this.


first_must_burn

Then Aulë answered: “I did not desire such lordship. I desired things other than I am, to love and to teach them, so that they too might perceive the beauty of Eä…. And in my impatience I have fallen into folly. Yet the making of things is in my heart from my own making by thee; and the child of little understanding that makes a play of the deeds of his father may do so without thought of mockery, but because he is the son of his father. ~The creation of the Dwarves, from The Silmarillion by J. R. R. Tolkien


Tsurt-TheTrustyLie

Rock and Stone!


WanderingDwarfMiner

Rock and Stone in the Heart!


Totally_Moose

But will they rock and stone?


CallMeButtAss

Rock and Roll and Stone!


WanderingDwarfMiner

If you don't Rock and Stone, you ain't comin' home!


RaedwaldRex

That's it lads... Rock and Stone!


HistoricalCrab7759

*Gimli arrives*


stumpdawg

Gotta have Durin first.


mordeh

And Durin II Also Durin III oh right and Durin IV Hmm and Durin V Shoot also Durin VI And one I’m forgetting… oh yeah Durin VII


stumpdawg

We've had one Durin, sure. What about second Durin?


Al_Fucking_Bundy1

Ask my cat if she likes me. I genuinely would like to know.


bautron

"I don't think about you at all" Cat


suddenlyshady

“Omg. I forgot you existed. I usually only remember you at meal times.”


CaregiverNo306

Yes. Ask cat why tf she is howling all the time.


porn_is_tight

come on, you know she does


Newfor2022

Cure the world of all its ills and problems, then see if everyone goes insane like Agent Smith said


Reddit-is-a-mystery

Have the ability to talk to my dog and him understand me so I can tell him to calm down and explain that I just want cuddles sometimes


trisharae_88

Oh yes and to explain that he doesn’t need to bark at the fence. The people walking by are not a threat. And no he isn’t getting a treat just because he is looking at the cupboard where we keep them and whining (ok to be fair this does actually work well once a day)


DuckSaxaphone

Yeah, I don't even need God like powers, I just want to get the one message to my dog: > It doesn't matter where we are, what you see, or what you hear, you are always safe and I always have things handled.


Loliess

Figure out who the old god was and ask some... Questions.


Boostio_1

"I just wanna talk to him"


KingCreamsoda

Welp.. a while back I had a lucid dream and I had god like powers. The first thing I did was clap my hands together over my head and summoned bees while screaming, "BEES!!". They scared me when they started flying around so I woke up. So I guess that


FellTheCommonTroll

you'll finally get to find out what happens next


Downtown_Flower1894

Well start exploring my powers right? Not like you inherited three owners manual to your powers Edit: not three - the* Wow this really blew up, i feel important, thanks all for the up votes! Also i have a movie to watch!


Cozmik30

Create a manual for your powers


snyckers

I'm more of a visual learner. I'd need someone to make a youtube explaining my powers.


sailormegtune

WHAT'S UP YOUTUBE? TODAY WE GONNA LEARN HOW TO CONTROL **OMNIPOTENCY**! BUT BEFORE WE GET INTO THAT ONLY A SMALL PORTION OF MY VIEWERS ARE SUBSCRBED SO DONT FORGET TO HIT THAT SUBSCRIBE BUTTON AND HIT THE BELLL!


gamrin

This video is sponsored by squarespace. Wanna make a cube shapes piece of an alternate reality? Squarespace is here to help you make a website about it!


obi_wan_sashimi

Yo! Ever heard of Jerkmate?


[deleted]

*HEY! Are you seriously jerking off by yourself?*


068152

NAH IM WITH THE BOYS!


Briantheboomguy

Men were men back then, I'll tell you. If you wanted to do something private with another man, it wasn't gay. It was just two men...celebrating each others' strength.


lIIIllIIIII

Is this a... 30 Rock reference?


ReadySteady_GO

Thanks to our sponsor RAID shadow legends!


shadownights23x

And remember to always pair RAID shadow legends with nord vpn! While using raycon earbuds


msnmck

Feeling hungry? Don't order out! Blue Apron delivers healthy, satisfying meal kits straight to your door!


-My_KInk_Account

There's a 10 part introductory series for your powers on GodTube.


Zylgp

That you made and sent back in time for yourself to learn from so you don't fuck it up first day on the job.


germane-corsair

It’s okay if you fuck up. You can unfuck it up, after all.


Arkadoc01

Depends. Are you all powerful? If you are, couldn’t you simply make yourself all knowing as well? Which would also mean you know exactly what you can do with your powers. If you can’t be all knowing, then you can’t all powerful.


XkF21WNJ

Yeah about that, try not to force all possible knowledge inside your own head when you don't quite know what you're doing.


thehappydude

But if you are all powerful, couldn't you make it so you don't go insane ???


Jeggu2

Go insane speedrun 100%, They'd be knowing the location, speed, and spin of every particle down to the plank length in the entire universe and also knowing where all of them were and will be for every single Planck time. Not to mention every single interaction between the particles, how the particles are grouped, how they aren't, the properties of these groups, etc. And now there is someone who is probably bonkers and has godly power. That's gonna turn out well


HashbrownPhD

My grandfather is a theologian and once told me a story he heard in seminary, about an earlier major figure in theology teaching his students. One student, understanding that solipsism can drive a person mad, and that God existed out of time, alone, presumably for what we'd consider an infinite amount of time prior to Creation, asked his teacher "what was God doing before creation?" His teacher replied "heating up Hell for people who ask such questions." A lot of theologians in certain Christian traditions don't believe in Hell, or at least that people go there, but even among them, and the theologians that are more heavily influenced by secular philosophy, God's solitude prior to creation is considered among the best evidence for Hell, and raises the worrying notion that maybe God is (or was) actually insane. It's not a serious theory, and those who study such stuff ultimately don't really worry about it for various reasons, but it's a fun story.


Civilized_Primate

Not like I'd actually read the manual


raul_lebeau

Well, you get the manual but you lost it.. like the greatest superhero...


Kess9215

Leave Earth and explore.


lurgi

*300 planets later* Sure are a lot of fucking rocks in this universe... Edit: > "No," insisted Arthur, "don't you understand, this is the first time I've actually stood on the surface of another planet... a whole alien world...! Pity it's such a dump though." - The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy


suddenlyshady

I remember being so disappointed when I realized being in space wouldn’t just be walls of stars in my view or “Galaxy colors” everywhere. Lol. It’s just black and cold and everything is stupid far away.


kryaklysmic

Yeah, but presumably omnipotence means I could actually just decide to walk across the nothing for a few minutes between stars


sassy_steph_

Fix all the potholes.


Downtown-Accident

I read plot holes. I’d be equally just as happy loob


lukrog33

Everyone is healthy


_SheWhoShines

As someone who lives in chronic pain, this was my first thought too, and I'm so glad this was on someone else's mind :)


persimmonedit

This is so wholesome! Totally agree. As someone in healthcare myself, I think most health workers would be happy if our jobs became obsolete (or at least significantly reduced in scale to just accidents)


automatic_shark

If all you guys had to do was set bones, clean some cuts, and tell us everything will be alright, man, i would love to live in that world.


Masmanus

Go find the previous god and ask him *what the fuck yo*.


TaterThought2

"😬" ~previous God, probably


itsjustbubb13s

Build a glass castle on Mars


Manji86

And contemplate your life and the life around you? Also are you blue now?


cockalorum-smith

Yes but they are merely a puppet who can see the strings.


Kruse002

Modify my own behavior/psychology to be more resistant to corruption by the power, more wise, and immune to insanity induced by the huge amounts of time and boredom. Basically I would get rid of all my human instincts that were born of evolution in a limited-resource and entropy-prone world without sacrificing compassion and understanding of the fact that other humans still have those instincts.


Educational_Beach773

Make my dog live as long as me


jumpup

figure out what idiot gave me godlike powers


FlappyFish07

I did


Third_Triumvirate

First instinct? Make the perfect cup of tea


sweaty-pajamas

*uncle Iroh would like to know your location*


sweaty-pajamas

After making this comment, now I’ve decided that I would open up spirit portals at the North and South Pole and cause a harmonic convergence, giving birth to fire, water, earth, and air benders in the world, and make myself the first avatar


Pobo13

JUST DO US ONE FAVOR PROTECT IROH


vinoa

*Leaves from the vine* *Falling so slow* :(


ComicStripCritic

Nothing lasts forever, Prince u/Pobo13, though we may want it to. What matters is how you experience it when it is with you, and how you remember it when it is gone. It is good that you remember Iroh so fondly, and carry his lessons with you. Like this delicious cup of tea!


No_Scallion_9950

Learn everything I can, from that work out what needs intervention and what needs to be left to people to solve, then act on that


GamrG33k

Bring back my best boy beagle who died this afternoon :'(


Appropriate-Divide64

Change the speed of light just a fraction to fuck with the scientists


jackwhite886

Consult Morgan Freeman on next steps


KirisBeuller

Disappear entirely. I'm a gamer not a game creator.


LoLiAteYourKitty

Sleep.


TiredPandastic

Crank humanity's empathy and patience up a little. Reduce the aggression down a notch. Give people conscious control over reproduction-- no woman gets pregnant unless she *wants* to, no man fathers a child he doesn't want. And, uh, seriously overhaul women's parts, nobody deserves cramping this bad... Make sustainable and green fuels and resources easier and more profitable to manage. Nudge science in the right direction for undoing environmental damage. Fix the weather--summer needs to stop after august, jfc. Stop super droughts and insane hurricanes. Un-extinct some species-- and make profitable body parts toxic, but only to humans. Like, rhino horn makes your violently sick and gives you epic shits. Anytime a person gets greedy or power hungry, they glow orange so we know they're acting only for themselves. Compel my abusive ex to stub his toe every other day.


Beanfacebin

Such epic response then Hehe toe pain go brrrrrrrrrrrrr


GlootenFreeGlutton

Heal everyone's chronic illness. Mental, physical, you're all doing better now. Parkinson's? No more. EDS? Nada. Endometriosis? Gone. Cancer? Eradicated. Either that, or my hair.


sadopossum13

Cure my mom who has been dying from a mysterious illness (its probably not actually that much of a mystery, doctors just stopped wanting to help her because she's poor and can't properly advocate for herself because her brain is being rotted out) There's so much I would want to do, but that would be the absolute first thing


Tuckenie

I’ve been there. Virtual hugs.


Inevitable_Nose_7275

Heal all emotional traumas and mental illnesses in the world


Bell_hole14

Jerk off. I’ll need the post nut clarity


doubled2319888

Sounds like such a good idea that i have to wonder if you jerked off shortly before typing this


[deleted]

[удалено]


PhelesDragon

Fix this shit.


Wrong_Eggplant

Create a universal rule where any human who’s about to do something awful is suddenly compelled to volunteer at a local humanitarian organization. (id determine the threshold and what constitutes awful). Example - instead of invading Ukraine, Putin rallied his entire army for nationwide meals on wheels.


manystripes

Can we just make empathy an intrinsic human quality?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Whitey1969SC

Give the entire population common sense and logical thinking


zug42

Sleep in...


supermariobruhh

Explain it to every human at the same time so they’d stop fighting over religious differences. Tho I’m sure they’d just find something else to fight about at some point.


PunkandCannonballer

Force everyone to feel the pain they inflict on other people.


ApartmentIntrepid610

I’m smiting 90% of Twitter users


boba_fett155

Destroy all mosquitoes


secretly_a_furry138

And bedbugs


sapphiresong

Worldwide pizza party!


JoeyDubbs

Found the hospital administrator.


More-Comfort-8527

Change the ending of GOT a better one