By - FlappyFish07
The first thing I would do is stop time for the whole universe (myself excluded) so I would have more time to think about what to do and avoid catastrophic unintended consequences. Hopefully I remember to resume time before I leave this dimension to some other reality....
Step 1: Make a backup.
The "it's fine, I don't need any backup" could actually be famous last words that would actually be the last words... EVER!
Get rid of rabies.
That shit scary.
Myth: Three Americans every year die from rabies.
Fact: Four Americans every year die from rabies.
I mean, 3 do die every year if 4 die. Both statements are facts if the 2nd one is.
Scrolling too fast and I thought that said babies.
Scary babies are best babies. Nothing more fun than when a kid says something that makes you want to call an exorcist.
Get rid of those brain eating amoeba things we hear about now and then too. Those also scary.
Also ticks, get rid of those fucks.
I'd appear on some toast.
You would, or an image of yourself? I think if it were actually you they'd get more for it on eBay.
Me briefly, then just my image.
*All* the toast. From now on, every toast will have your face. No one knows why.
Realise that I now have the power to accidentally delete existence and then immediately and accidentally do so as my brain considers how I'd do it
Just undo? Omnipotence and all that jazz
For real, if CTRL+Z doesn't work you just make it work
My impulsive brain would fuck up so badly if it ever had any amount of power like this. It would immediately start pondering what the *worst* possible thing to do is, then start doing it automatically as I desperately pump the brakes to no avail.
I never want to be omnipotent.
Edit: although I guess my first omnipotent act could be to grant myself more self control, duh
If you've ever played the sims, you know how the ultimate power corrupts your thinking.
The dark, dark ideas that enter your mind are.... well, dark.
Edit Reddit post titles
Bring back dislikes on YouTube
Edit: God is dead, see comments below for solutions on mobile and desktop
bring back the 5 star rating as opposed to the thumbs up/thumbs down
He's too powerful to be left alive!
Finally, I can change your to you're.
I would explore.
Pretty much. Leave earth and just wander around the infinite void know as space.
Edit: People keep pointing out how I'll probably never find Earth again so I'll just say one word: godlike.
Secondly, what makes y'all think I woukd want to come back? There is a reason my first choice is to leave.
This is the plot to Star Maker by Olaf Stapledon, great book!
Arthur C. Clark said this was his favorite scifi book.
Looked it up, he also said “probably the most powerful work of imagination ever written”
That’s all the praise I need. Added to my list.
Really, I'll have to check it out.
People now have unlimited teeth. As in, they will grow back if taken out. Imagine going to the dentist and their only job is to remove the tooth and pat you on the back.
Edit: I've gotten the sense that people don't like dentists. Or they really like them, no in-between. Let's just say they fall out naturally and grow in with limited discomfort within a month. Still have to brush though.
Last and final edit: Firstly, I've patched the wisdom tooth issue. Babies will no longer be born with wisdom teeth starting October 2nd.
Second point. "Why wouldn't you just make the teeth indestructible and they never have to fall out"? Because that's boring. While im at it, why don't I solve all of your problems so that there's no more illnesses and redundant features to the human form. I may be a God but I have other things going on.
Seriously think about it. You guys would get used to the perfect teeth thing pretty quick and then you'd find somthing else to complain about. In a world where your teeth do have flaws, you would be grateful to get a new tooth. Might even make your day! I guess I'm just trying to say, perfection is boring and the charm of it would wear off.
Be sure to brush and floss regularly, Tooth God out!
I don't want to go to this olive garden
Unlimited teeth works
I interpreted this wrong.
Wait like sharks?
As in, noose cavities, fractures or root canals. Just get new teeth instead of dentist.
Stop time, chill for a thousand years.
So basically, get caught up on your game backlog.
Like Bernard’s Watch style?
I'm not a big one for fantasising generally, but I genuinely fantasise about owning Bernard's watch at least once a week.
The ability to just have as long a lie in as I want, never be late for anything, be super efficient with everything so I've got plenty of time leftover to do fun stuff.
I don't want to do anything wild with it, I just want to make the day about 28-30 hours long, would improve quality of life so much.
EDIT: As a lot of people are mentioning it, I will caveat that in this scenario I'm not aging. The rules of BW were a bit fluid but to my mind he didn't age.when time was frozen.
Don't forget that he freezes water that's flowing so must also freeze air molecules in place, so if he stops moving he'll use up all the oxygen in that area and suffocate.
...I may have thought about this a little too much.
Edit: crap what about light, that takes time to move too. If he makes a shadow does the shadow stay once he moves away?
My fantasy suddenly has rendering issues...
More important than the shadows, you'd be blind every time you stopped time. If the light isn't moving, then it will never reach your eyes. Maybe you'd see flashes of light whenever *you* move and your eyeballs intersect frozen photons ... but you'd have no way of knowing where those photons came from or where they were going, and you wouldn't be able to discern any useful information from them, besides the general amount of light in the area. You'd be able to tell the difference between sunlight, a bright room, a dark room, complete darkness, etc ... but that's all your eyes would be good for.
You'd be deaf, too. Sound likewise takes time to move through the air. Then again, your deafness is probably less of a problem anyway. With nothing else moving, the only sounds would be the ones you make yourself. Fun fact: complete silence *has* been known to drive people kind of crazy. Have fun with that!
I've been in an acoustic room before, it gets really uncomfortable the longer you are in there. I did think about the light but just assumed that as you moved you would have the image frozen like a photo, but agreed you'd be blind without movement. Sounds like a torture, keep moving in a soundproof environment desperately trying to breathe and see before you die of exhaustion.
Make sure you remove yourself from the flow of time first though. Could be a real bad first move if you forget that part
Make it so cereal bags never rip the wrong way ever again.
Put Ziploc enclosures on cereal bags
Generate a new seed.
I do that like twice a day already
Heya ,there it is.
Those are rookie numbers.
Don't forget to set either:
Gravity > Dark Energy
Entropy = 0.0000000....
in universe generation settings.
Also, maybe change the setting for new star formation from:
10^8 to 10^14 years
to something higher like
10^8 to 10^17 years, although that number could probably go even higher if entropy = 0.
Generating a new universe just for it to decay into lifeless planets, dead suns, black holes, and ultimately quantum particles after 10^106 years is disappointing, especially since you may not be able to do a server reset.
If entropy =0 then how can anything grow and change? How can we get a supernova to generate new stars?
I believe that universes exist simultaneously and, that universes are popping into existence in the so called dead universe. Entropy possibly has a hand in it.
This. People have this nihilistic feeling about entropy and time and don't realize without it, nothing would happen. I think we don't even have the ability to conceptualize a radically different working alternative to our universe. For what it is ( "a bang out of nothing" ) it's pretty fucking perfect in its parameters and stability.
Sort my knees out. I'm in my mid-twenties, and I'm not thrilled by the prospect of having to go the rest of my life on this dodgy pair.
Edit: to everyone suggesting I go to the gym and learn to squat; I do that a lot, it hasn't helped with lateral movement. To the absolute madman who said 'you have no knee stability? Try rollerblades, son' - I like you. Deeply suspicious, but I might try it.
Sounds counter productive but there are alot if excersises you can do to strengthen your knees, it helps! I did it for my wobbly ankles and I don't roll mine anymore.
Probably change the laws of this universe to make it an abundant utopia before peacing out and making my own universe with elves and dwarves and magic and shit
Yeah something like this- I’d gather/create countless inhabitable/inhabited worlds and arrange them into a kind of infinite clockwork. A galaxy brimming with life, with worlds easily accessible to one another, sharing a galaxy-wide Goldilocks zone of thousands of stars.
Plot twist they’re all xenophobic
Perfect, so they'll all be friendly to one another.
Because as we all know that's how xenophobia works.
"You're xenophobic? Dude, so am I! Twinsies!"
- Literally no one ever
*turns on Xeno Compatibility*
Oh no, what have I done.
*entire universe starts lagging*
What? And miss the opportunity to give this to humans?
Humans just became reality TV to me. Here's a dragon, go!
Teleport to Mars and build my own fancy castle out of nowhere
That works fine until your Ex convinces you to come back and save the Earth.
Then you kill an insane vigilante
Don't forget to hang dong
Force war-mongering politicians to fight each other to the death while we all observe.
I’ve had this thought before.
Put 3 dictators in a room, one weapon between them…
One gas mask between them all and a timer
But there is a leak in the mask they don't know about.
A rusty spoon.
First fight: Putin vs a hungry bear.
Nah. Putin vs Florida man. The ultimate showdown
I assume Florida man comes with a bear or some other deadly creature
Alligator, of course.
Or a very angry flamingo.
Worse. He has a pet bird which got arrested for mutilating 10 people in a minute.
I so wish this wasn’t a real thing that happened in Florida but… from first hand experience, yeah..
Even the domesticated birds are predators here
Yeah I agree, these politicians probably want to sit on their asses while they have their workers pick which teenagers who just got out of high school and are trying to enjoy their summer, to send it to war where they are likely to die before they can even crack open a beer and drink it
Like hunger games, in arena
Pause time for a few hours so I can take a fat ass nap without anyone bothering me
The scary thing is, for all we know there might actually be an omnipotent being doing this every few minutes. We would have no way of ever knowing.
If I was in some kind of Sims game the player better get to pause lest they go all genocidal
They forgot to pause, and let the dark ages play out… Woke up from nap time and everyone’s sitting in mud.
Man honestly if there was some omnipotent being controlling it all they literally could have been talking to people in Bible times n shit and this entire time since we've heard nothing is just them gone to get a snack and take a piss haha they come back like WTF MY GAME and clicks restart. Or maybe civilization is just Gods little bro fucking with it whiles he out with his friends
The best guess I've ever come across is we're God's 3rd place 9th grade science experiment that's been forgotten about in a lab closet.
I don't smoke weed but this comment makes me wanna go get high
Don't forget to bring a towel.
That’s not scary, I’d rather have a well rested omnipotent being than a cranky one
Eh, that's not really a scary thought. It wouldn't really affect anyone.
If we can't tell does it matter?
Literally the first thing I thought of. Everything just shhhhhhh for a little while.
I'm totally making dwarves.
Okay chill, Aule
Eru will not be pleased when he hears about this.
Then Aulë answered: “I did not desire such lordship. I desired things other than I am, to love and to teach them, so that they too might perceive the beauty of Eä…. And in my impatience I have fallen into folly. Yet the making of things is in my heart from my own making by thee; and the child of little understanding that makes a play of the deeds of his father may do so without thought of mockery, but because he is the son of his father.
~The creation of the Dwarves, from The Silmarillion by J. R. R. Tolkien
Rock and Stone!
Rock and Stone in the Heart!
But will they rock and stone?
Rock and Roll and Stone!
If you don't Rock and Stone, you ain't comin' home!
That's it lads... Rock and Stone!
Gotta have Durin first.
And Durin II
Also Durin III
oh right and Durin IV
Hmm and Durin V
Shoot also Durin VI
And one I’m forgetting… oh yeah Durin VII
We've had one Durin, sure. What about second Durin?
Ask my cat if she likes me. I genuinely would like to know.
"I don't think about you at all"
“Omg. I forgot you existed. I usually only remember you at meal times.”
Yes. Ask cat why tf she is howling all the time.
come on, you know she does
Cure the world of all its ills and problems, then see if everyone goes insane like Agent Smith said
Have the ability to talk to my dog and him understand me so I can tell him to calm down and explain that I just want cuddles sometimes
Oh yes and to explain that he doesn’t need to bark at the fence. The people walking by are not a threat. And no he isn’t getting a treat just because he is looking at the cupboard where we keep them and whining (ok to be fair this does actually work well once a day)
Yeah, I don't even need God like powers, I just want to get the one message to my dog:
> It doesn't matter where we are, what you see, or what you hear, you are always safe and I always have things handled.
Figure out who the old god was and ask some... Questions.
"I just wanna talk to him"
Welp.. a while back I had a lucid dream and I had god like powers. The first thing I did was clap my hands together over my head and summoned bees while screaming, "BEES!!". They scared me when they started flying around so I woke up. So I guess that
you'll finally get to find out what happens next
Well start exploring my powers right? Not like you inherited three owners manual to your powers
Edit: not three - the*
Wow this really blew up, i feel important, thanks all for the up votes!
Also i have a movie to watch!
Create a manual for your powers
I'm more of a visual learner. I'd need someone to make a youtube explaining my powers.
WHAT'S UP YOUTUBE? TODAY WE GONNA LEARN HOW TO CONTROL **OMNIPOTENCY**! BUT BEFORE WE GET INTO THAT ONLY A SMALL PORTION OF MY VIEWERS ARE SUBSCRBED SO DONT FORGET TO HIT THAT SUBSCRIBE BUTTON AND HIT THE BELLL!
This video is sponsored by squarespace. Wanna make a cube shapes piece of an alternate reality? Squarespace is here to help you make a website about it!
Yo! Ever heard of Jerkmate?
*HEY! Are you seriously jerking off by yourself?*
NAH IM WITH THE BOYS!
Men were men back then, I'll tell you. If you wanted to do something private with another man, it wasn't gay. It was just two men...celebrating each others' strength.
Is this a... 30 Rock reference?
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There's a 10 part introductory series for your powers on GodTube.
That you made and sent back in time for yourself to learn from so you don't fuck it up first day on the job.
It’s okay if you fuck up. You can unfuck it up, after all.
Depends. Are you all powerful? If you are, couldn’t you simply make yourself all knowing as well? Which would also mean you know exactly what you can do with your powers. If you can’t be all knowing, then you can’t all powerful.
Yeah about that, try not to force all possible knowledge inside your own head when you don't quite know what you're doing.
But if you are all powerful, couldn't you make it so you don't go insane ???
Go insane speedrun 100%,
They'd be knowing the location, speed, and spin of every particle down to the plank length in the entire universe and also knowing where all of them were and will be for every single Planck time. Not to mention every single interaction between the particles, how the particles are grouped, how they aren't, the properties of these groups, etc.
And now there is someone who is probably bonkers and has godly power. That's gonna turn out well
My grandfather is a theologian and once told me a story he heard in seminary, about an earlier major figure in theology teaching his students. One student, understanding that solipsism can drive a person mad, and that God existed out of time, alone, presumably for what we'd consider an infinite amount of time prior to Creation, asked his teacher "what was God doing before creation?" His teacher replied "heating up Hell for people who ask such questions."
A lot of theologians in certain Christian traditions don't believe in Hell, or at least that people go there, but even among them, and the theologians that are more heavily influenced by secular philosophy, God's solitude prior to creation is considered among the best evidence for Hell, and raises the worrying notion that maybe God is (or was) actually insane.
It's not a serious theory, and those who study such stuff ultimately don't really worry about it for various reasons, but it's a fun story.
Not like I'd actually read the manual
Well, you get the manual but you lost it.. like the greatest superhero...
Leave Earth and explore.
*300 planets later* Sure are a lot of fucking rocks in this universe...
> "No," insisted Arthur, "don't you understand, this is the first time I've actually stood on the surface of another planet... a whole alien
world...! Pity it's such a dump though." - The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
I remember being so disappointed when I realized being in space wouldn’t just be walls of stars in my view or “Galaxy colors” everywhere. Lol. It’s just black and cold and everything is stupid far away.
Yeah, but presumably omnipotence means I could actually just decide to walk across the nothing for a few minutes between stars
Fix all the potholes.
I read plot holes. I’d be equally just as happy loob
Everyone is healthy
As someone who lives in chronic pain, this was my first thought too, and I'm so glad this was on someone else's mind :)
This is so wholesome! Totally agree. As someone in healthcare myself, I think most health workers would be happy if our jobs became obsolete (or at least significantly reduced in scale to just accidents)
If all you guys had to do was set bones, clean some cuts, and tell us everything will be alright, man, i would love to live in that world.
Go find the previous god and ask him *what the fuck yo*.
~previous God, probably
Build a glass castle on Mars
And contemplate your life and the life around you? Also are you blue now?
Yes but they are merely a puppet who can see the strings.
Modify my own behavior/psychology to be more resistant to corruption by the power, more wise, and immune to insanity induced by the huge amounts of time and boredom. Basically I would get rid of all my human instincts that were born of evolution in a limited-resource and entropy-prone world without sacrificing compassion and understanding of the fact that other humans still have those instincts.
Make my dog live as long as me
figure out what idiot gave me godlike powers
First instinct? Make the perfect cup of tea
*uncle Iroh would like to know your location*
After making this comment, now I’ve decided that I would open up spirit portals at the North and South Pole and cause a harmonic convergence, giving birth to fire, water, earth, and air benders in the world, and make myself the first avatar
JUST DO US ONE FAVOR PROTECT IROH
*Leaves from the vine*
*Falling so slow*
Nothing lasts forever, Prince u/Pobo13, though we may want it to. What matters is how you experience it when it is with you, and how you remember it when it is gone. It is good that you remember Iroh so fondly, and carry his lessons with you.
Like this delicious cup of tea!
Learn everything I can, from that work out what needs intervention and what needs to be left to people to solve, then act on that
Bring back my best boy beagle who died this afternoon :'(
Change the speed of light just a fraction to fuck with the scientists
Consult Morgan Freeman on next steps
Disappear entirely. I'm a gamer not a game creator.
Crank humanity's empathy and patience up a little. Reduce the aggression down a notch.
Give people conscious control over reproduction-- no woman gets pregnant unless she *wants* to, no man fathers a child he doesn't want. And, uh, seriously overhaul women's parts, nobody deserves cramping this bad...
Make sustainable and green fuels and resources easier and more profitable to manage.
Nudge science in the right direction for undoing environmental damage.
Fix the weather--summer needs to stop after august, jfc. Stop super droughts and insane hurricanes.
Un-extinct some species-- and make profitable body parts toxic, but only to humans. Like, rhino horn makes your violently sick and gives you epic shits.
Anytime a person gets greedy or power hungry, they glow orange so we know they're acting only for themselves.
Compel my abusive ex to stub his toe every other day.
Such epic response then
Hehe toe pain go brrrrrrrrrrrrr
Heal everyone's chronic illness. Mental, physical, you're all doing better now. Parkinson's? No more. EDS? Nada. Endometriosis? Gone. Cancer? Eradicated.
Either that, or my hair.
Cure my mom who has been dying from a mysterious illness (its probably not actually that much of a mystery, doctors just stopped wanting to help her because she's poor and can't properly advocate for herself because her brain is being rotted out)
There's so much I would want to do, but that would be the absolute first thing
I’ve been there. Virtual hugs.
Heal all emotional traumas and mental illnesses in the world
Jerk off. I’ll need the post nut clarity
Sounds like such a good idea that i have to wonder if you jerked off shortly before typing this
Fix this shit.
Create a universal rule where any human who’s about to do something awful is suddenly compelled to volunteer at a local humanitarian organization. (id determine the threshold and what constitutes awful).
Example - instead of invading Ukraine, Putin rallied his entire army for nationwide meals on wheels.
Can we just make empathy an intrinsic human quality?
Give the entire population common sense and logical thinking
Explain it to every human at the same time so they’d stop fighting over religious differences. Tho I’m sure they’d just find something else to fight about at some point.
Force everyone to feel the pain they inflict on other people.
I’m smiting 90% of Twitter users
Destroy all mosquitoes
Worldwide pizza party!
Found the hospital administrator.
Change the ending of GOT a better one