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Always check for toilet paper before using the restroom


No matter how many times it happens I never learn my lesson.


I had root canal. I now brush and floss like it's my last day.


Could be worse. You could brush and floss religiously like I did and I have two root canals and about 10 crowns.


Yeah the mistake you made was having bad genetics


Turn the oven on without first checking if there’s anything inside Edit: goodness. I didn’t expect such a response. So glad my mistake resonates with many of you. Mine was a plastic cutting board someone had stored in my oven (they were trying to help me clean, not sure why they thought it was a good storage place??). I didn’t know (as I kept my oven empty!) until the flow lest smell came from there and the whole thing had melted into the whole thing. Took me a while to get the smell and hard plastic off.


This is by far the most ominous answer…


My dad liked to cook bacon with the broil setting. He would cover the bottom rack with newspapers to catch the drippings. He wasn't much for cleaning either.. I, a very sensible person, decided to use the oven as intended one day by preheating it. You can guess what happened within minutes and who was blamed for not checking the inside the oven before turning it on.


Tell that mf to put it in a tinfoil lined and covered pan like a normal human being.


Taking a job offer where the manager was a little too eager to hire. It was not because I was that awesome.


Learnt this one too. If they are super eager to hire, it means they are desperate and you are about to walk into a massive shit heap.


-I really need this job, and I think I'd be a great asset to your team! -Okay, you're hired!! -Nevermind.


Eating couscous before the water had fully soaked in. Turns out it continues to expand in the stomach.


My dog managed to spin off the lid of his kibble bin. He then ate all of the kibble then drank all of the water available because he was thirsty af. His poor belly rang like a bell he was so full. The next few days the shits were remarkable. Lmao Casey was a great dog.


My sisters friends came back from getting food out at a party (everyone was drunk and decided to leave without securing the 2 dogs properly) and the dogs ate everything. Including a 20kg bag of dry dog food. They then drank water and did not survive before the friends came back. These were good people, too. They just made one drunken house party mistake on a whim. Its incredibly tragic and they were devastated. Edited so doesnt read like the people ate the dog food 😅


I never would have thought of something so awful from the food so nice they named it twice.


Thinking that the employee survey is really anonymous


I went and did a 2 week training course for my job recently. At the end they got us to fill in an anonymous survey of how well they did. I was pretty scathing about how shit their teaching quality was, then the tutor sat down and read them all in from of us. At the end he shook everyone’s hand except mine


People often resent being told how it is. Especially if they worked really hard on it and it still turned out to be shit. Did your classmates and/or colleagues feel the same about the content?


I work for the government (not US), so they are bound by privacy laws regarding that sort of thing. If they say it’s anonymous, you can trust it is. But at a private company? Oh hell no.


They said the comments would be private then decided to publish them for everyone to read.


Oh yeah, then they say "we took people's names off it" but your free text comments make it obvious who wrote it.


Learned this lesson the hard way. I tend to be exceptionally verbose when leaving any comment (this one included), and all of my other team members used either shorthand/texting spellings or simply wrote one-liners ("it's fine", "I'm happy", etc). So it's painfully obvious that I wrote all the negative shit *at length*. So I stopped doing them, and I get a message from my manager asking "Why did you stop doing the survey? They're anonymous, you know!" Somehow her saying that sentence didn't click with her that if it was anonymous, she wouldn't know I *wasn't* doing them.


Mine just sends me a link … that’s unique to me…


Take this anonymous survey! ....but first, log in with your unique ID and password!


Took an antibiotic that needed a meal prior on taking said antibiotic. But it was the middle of the night and decided to wing it. That horrible feeling afterwards was etched into my brain and decided to never do it again.


I was supposed to cycle antibiotic and steroid. Antibiotic in morning, steroid in evening. I forgot to take my morning dose, so I took them both together around 4pm, before working and after0hours shift with a co worker. After about an hour my stomach hurt with the sharpest pains ever. Diarrhea is no way to describe what happened next, multiple times. And then the worst part happened.... My stomach began to fill, like a balloon, I could physically see it expanding, and then the foulest gas I have ever experience in my life. Looonng farts lasting 15, maybe even 30 seconds. And this repeated over, and over, and over... I laugh about it now as it happened years ago, but that co-worker will also never forget. He even left work that night to buy me some yogurt from the store. LOL poor bastard.


I did this once with anti-malarials! Took the pill and immediately had breakfast. DID NOT WORK. We were at a hotel so had to cross the room, get the lift, go to our room - vomited so violently I broke blood vessels around my eyes that still break when I vomit to remind me NOT TO DO THAT. Eat the food, THEN take the meds.


Yup... went to my first day of college thinking I was gonna puke hahaha


Unfortunately, that is what happened. The exruciating part was doubling over in pain because I was vomiting with an empty stomach. It felt like I was gonna throw up my insides or something.


After donating blood, they say not to do strenuous exercise for a couple hours. Well I thought I’d stop by the grocery store on the way home from the blood bank. A nice old lady asked me to help her with a big bag of dog food. I thought “there’s no way that would be considered strenuous”. Then I woke up on the floor with a small crowd standing around me and someone calling for an ambulance. I was fine, but it was a bit embarrassing.


I ran up and down the stairs a few times after donating once, was packing for a last minute trip out of state. Had to lie down on the pavement all of a sudden, pretty sure I was going to pass out but managed not to. Wasn't right for days after that. Gotta give your body time to recover.


I donated blood in HS and us Seniors were allowed to leave early, so two of my friends and I went to Taco Bell. I ate two dozen Cinnabon delights and threw up. Turns out too much sugar and not enough blood is a bad combination.


To be fair that might make most people throw up without the donating blood part lol.


Just thinking about those greasy bastards makes my stomach turn. There’s a reason they sold them in 2 or 4




That was easy street for teenage me, if I hadn’t had 5 loaded grillers and a baja blast I would’ve probably been fine honestly.


I(m-21) donated blood for the first time last month. For the past few months i was having some suicidal thoughts coz lost my previous job and was a bit stressed. Sometimes i planned about cutting my veins to do the job. After i donated blood. At first nothing happened. But after about 20 minutes everything went black. I was actually scared about the experience. It was like the same feeling i would have to face if i died of excess blood loss. After some rest i dropped the plan of self harm. I got a job too. The situation is getting better.


I'm sorry you were in a bad place, I hope things keep getting much better. If you're ever in a position to consider donating again, you might find it extremely fulfilling. It's literally the gift of life after all. Or you might black out again 🤷


Co-signing on a loan for a family member.


My older sister needed to refinance her house and asked me to co-sign. I told her, "I'm not saying 'no' but I want a good understanding of your finances. For the next month, could you please track all of your spending and then we can sit down and go over it." She said that was too much work and well... you can guess what kind of confidence that gave me in regards to co-signing anything for her.


That's really smart.


I like to think I'm a pretty responsible person, I pay my bills in time and have some emergency savings, but I would never feel comfortable asking someone to put their credit on the line for me. Shit happens, I wouldn't want my fuck up affecting someone that was trying to help me.


I was the last of three for my dad. He not only gave both my brothers a car when they turned 18, he also cosigned for them to get newer cars after college. When I turned 18, he bought me a bus pass and walking shoes. I didn't complain, I had already saved enough by working through high school for a down payment on a new car if he cosigned. He denied me, because both my older brothers had their new cars repossessed and it fucked his credit up badly. Now my dad lives with me at 32. Seems like I got none of the benefits from being his kid, but all the responsibility the other two wouldn't take.


Well it wasn’t a family member, but my so called best friend. When I was 19, I co signed on a loan so he could get his car fixed. He said he would pay the loan, but to the surprise of no one he didn’t, leaving me on the hook for $3000, which I had to pay off so it wouldn’t fuck up my credit. He kept saying he was gonna pay me back, but to this day I have yet to see a penny of that money. Needless to say he’s no longer my best friend. Fuck you B. Todd.


I cosigned a phone for my roommate in 2001. He left in the middle off our lease and ran the bill up over $1000. He was my friend too. Thank God I outgrew him and most of the dudes I used ro hang put with back then.


Trying to catch a falling knife


Did you catch it




Sliced my finger on the way down and fell point down on my toe. Also why I don’t do dishes without shoes on anymore


Catched it with his toe. What a chad


Eeny meeny miny moe, caught a knifey with his toe Edit: I accidentally a syllable. Corrected as per u/hafaleter 's suggestion.


My SO worked in kitchens for over a decade. She always says, "A falling knife is like a cheating wife. Don't try to stop it. Just let it go."


My mum worked on a supermarket meat and cheese counter when she first left school. Many decades later she still instinctively pulls her hands up to her body instead of trying to catch anything she's dropped.


Falling knife has no handle.


Neglect my teeth


Yep. Hard to care about your teeth when all you want is to die. Now my teeth are terrible lol. Gonna have to look into fixing that because I'm embarrassed to smile and that just sucks.


I used to take great care of my teeth. Then the ptsd depression train came in and id go a week or so without showering or brushing my teeth. And the bruxism! How can someone break their own teeth. Ugh Mental health dentists need to be a thing


My dentist was a backup therapist for me over the last 15 years. So bummed she retired.


I'm having my first dental appointment in probably 3-4 years tomorrow. At this point I'm willing to accept full pulls and dentures. I'm 21 and I really don't know how I'm supposed to just start caring for my teeth after 2 decades of neglect. Edit: holy cow thank you for the silver! if i knew my lack of dental hygiene would make me popular i would have opened my mouth way sooner (im sorry) I appreciate all of y'alls advice and stories. Dentistry is something that is so important and so underrepresented in healthcare, education, and social life. Thank you to all the dentists commenting as well! It is very nice to know someone understands while also being able to help. and whoever sent me to the crisis reddit line, i appreciate you so much, i'm waiting for a psych appointment to get my meds changed or raised, knowing someone cares enough to push more buttons than necessary is a really lovely feeling


On a real note I was the same way, now I feel gross if I miss brushing my teeth. It takes some work but you’ll get there don’t worry :)


i haven’t been to a dentist in a while either. i absolutely should go. i hate flossing so i bought a water pik and that helped me improve my gum health.


Baby steps are still steps and once you start its gonna be hard to imagine not taking care of them. Good for you for taking that first step.


Sharing something very personal with a partner who didn’t deserve to know


Sharing something personal with ~anyone~ who doesn’t deserve to know. My sister is the absolute devil when it comes to sharing and being vulnerable. My partner on the other hand is a saint.


I’m with you. My sister is THE WORST. I naively thought, for forty years , that I was somehow exempt from her gossip mongering. What a fucking idiot I was. Haven’t talked to her in five years.


You should not use a Clorox wipe as a wet wipe for your bum.


So *that’s* what anal bleaching is


Changing your ring tone.


One time when my daughter was a baby I was changing her diaper at my dad's, and he walked up and handed me a Clorox wipe. I thought he meant for me to wipe the floor under her after (it was just a pee diaper and she never directly touched the floor, but it was the only reason I could think of). I took it and said thanks, and he handed me another. "Dad... do you mean for me to use this... *on her*?" "Yeah." "Dad... this is bleach!" "So what? She'll be fine!" And thus he never babysat. (Though I know now it isn't bleach, still not good)


I'd tell him to rub it on his junk and see if he's fine.


Great call on your part. Sometimes I wonder how much of a miracle it is I made it out of childhood unscathed when I see my parents with my kids


Lmao, I thought I was the only one who thought it wouldn’t be that bad. Years later, and I still feel that sensation from time to time


Remain in a relationship after being cheated on. Boy was that foolish of me.


I have a friend who is doing exactly this and even went a few steps further by marrying her and having a baby together. When he first found out he was absolutely crushed and in a really bad place, I had my trouble with girls too and back then he helped he get out from the hole. I really tried to help him I talked with him for days telling him to move on. But he kept repeated telling me he is too weak. When my friend confronted her about the cheating she turn it all around accusing him of breach of privacy and shit like he forced her to cheat etc etc. Just absolute bullshit that I can't believe he gulped it all in. She even got angry at him and he had to talked it out with her peacefully and got back together. He did this behind my back, and when I found out and tried to talk more about it, he just shut down. Claiming he is happy and wants to move on. I genuinely wanted him to be happy and knowing whatever i say now is too late, I just wished him happiness. After the marriage and their baby we found out the wife kept a few secret instagram and twitter account under a different name, and only known by a few of her closer friends. Anyway her friends must have accidentally blabed and my wife found out about the accounts. Christ the things that she says on her twitter while not directly referencing her husband is very obvious. She says things like "Living alone with my child somehow feels easier than living with another help" Or things like "how can your help make things worst, maybe its better if you look in from the window" Or some really mean stuff like "I don't owe you respect". Anyway, after some deliberation I know it's better to leave it alone than to let him know. He's so far gone and it hurts me. He has been slowly distancing himself from our group of friends, and I think it's because he is ashamed. I wished there was something I could tell him that let him knows that however shameful or weak he may seem we still genuinely care. Man i really hope the best for him. Oh ya and the reason why this girl is sticking so close to a guy she obviously detest is because my friend is rich. Like his family owns multiple hotels and critical infrastructure for the city rich.


I'm...oddly uncomfortable reading this...I feel like I, in some way, am in a bit of a similar position as your friend


If you truly are being used and manipulated like that, you really should get out of the relationship and find some friends that can help you through it. Leaving is the hard part, but sometimes we have to do hard things for the better. Hope the best for you either way, though.


Abuse and cheating are my absolute deal-breakers. There's no coming back from those.


Seeking esteem and approval from my parents and returning to live with them


That shit is tough for whatever reason, specially if one of your parents has drinking problems or is just disappointed of you.


Being lazy about getting an oil change. Might have to replace my entire engine now. $60 oil change > $10,000 mechanic bill.


To add to that, do ***not*** forget about the other important fluids in your car. Bad shit will occur if you don't get brake fluid, transmission fluid (or gear oil if applicable), coolant, power steering fluid, gear oil for differential(s), etc. You car has a lot of fluids that it needs in decent condition to work properly, and if any of them are left unattended for too long, they can cause serious damage to the vehicle, or in some cases cause you to lose control of your vehicle (say brakes or power steering going out while driving).


Walked through an invisible fence meant to contain canines with collar prongs against my arm.


I was the tester of the fence when I was a kid.


That’s why we were born. Make sure the dogs didnt get loose.


I put the dumb thing on my neck to prove to my brother in law that it was inhumane. I won. And lost.


Letting a balance accumulate on a credit card.


Treat your CC like a DC always. If the money isn’t there it doesn’t go on the CC.


This always seems so stupid... Until it happened... You never realize how easy it is to max out those cards. It took me 8 years to clear my debt. I realize I'm incredibly fortunate in this regard. Never again.


Yep never again took me 3 years to clean up $12k in credit card debt throwing everything extra at it. Never fucking again will I carry a balance. For the last 18 months of it I did a balance transfer to zero % card which saved me over 200 per month in interest which went right to the card balance instead. I've gotten my financial shit together since then. Learned some patience that if I can't pay it in cash than I can't afford it. Now I just have a mortgage and I'm out of the debt cycle.


Same. We've kept our credit cards at $0 for 20 years.....after running up to $40k and using some of the guns funds from the sale of a house to pay it off. It was cheaper on a new mortgage. Mortgage is gone now. Could have been gone at lot sooner without that $40k in there.


Work for a job that says they’re “a big family” lmaooooo


Always remember - within families are where most abuse and murders happen


"One Big family" = "we expect you to be at our beck and call 24/7"


Making debt while things are looking good. Just avoid the temptation, it’s not worth it. Currently paying off a car i’ve not even had in my possession for quite a while.


I had to do this when my washer quit last year. Had a great job then


Trying to unclog my toilet via repeated flushings. My toilet just sucked and often needed 2-3 flushes and then it would finally unblock and flush normally. I had gotten so used to it that it became a routine, I just knew it would be fine. Words cannot describe the horror the one time I saw the water start escaping the bowl after I flushed. I was frozen in sheer terror


Next time get some hot (not boiling) water and dishwasher soap. It will help clear it out when plunging.


Blue Dawn. I have no idea why, but it's the all purpose cleaner and declogger!


No I'm pretty sure you can only clean oil off of ducks with Dawn.


Never put your face over a toddler's head. Sounds dodgy, but it's innocent. Toddlers jump spontaneously. If your face is within 1 foot of the top of their head you'll get a bloody nose/lip. Happened to me too often with our kid/friend's kids. Now it's a rule.


Or put your head anywhere near their hands. It seems that they, hell babies too, have the grip of a lion's mouth. Lost count of how many times my nieces & nephews, as babies, grabbed my lips & returned em stretched & scratched.


Getting addicted to meth. Was nearly on the brink of destroying my life but found a way out of it. Been clean 3+ years now. Never again.


Same with speed, going on 2 years now and I still feel like I'm not giving 100% at anything that I do. It's driving me crazy but not as crazy as the drug-induced psychosis. That's what they don't tell you about quitting stims: you never forget what it feels like to be at your peak energy, motivation and concentration. You never forget what it means to be better than you've ever been and the cost of that memory is staggering. I'd give anything to be able to reach that again, consequence-free, but I know better and I know moderation just isn't in the cards for me. I know one slip up could snowball into a devastating situation and I don't have the strength to dig myself out again. Still, I miss it dearly and that's the scariest part of it.


same with cocaine. spent nearly $30k in a span of one month. i’ve been clean for nearly 6 or 7 years now.


I’ve fucked with all kinds of uppers, and speed makes you feel like a god no joke. Meth did the same with me when I first tried it. It was like that movie ‘Limitless’. Made you feel like you could do anything and be anyone. But that’s where you fuck up. It’s a rabbit hole from there. One day you wake up exhausted and paranoid and you realize you’ve burnt everything you loved to a crisp. Ain’t no upper helping you at that point. I know you how it is. I know how tempting it is. Those vivid dreams eh? But trust me it’s a big fucken illusion. If you ever need someone to talk about this crap or need help with recovering im here. Not kidding, the best thing ive done after recovery is help others go through the process. It’s the biggest reward I could ask for.


I don't think I've ever felt more like a miserable piece of shit than after a 3-day bender of writing, drinking and popping pills. I wrote some great stuff, don't get me wrong, but it was the first time in my abuse where I sensed this wasn't worth it. Exhausted doesn't even do it justice, it's like 2 levels past burnt out. And the paranoia, fuck, that I don't miss. When the Shadow People start showing up, you know you're spiraling real bad. I was writing a show then and reality was starting to blur, couldn't tell what was fiction and real, like I was stuck in my own Truman show. Anything anyone said sounded like a sign or code, it was...horrifying to say the least. A few months of that, then COVID made my plug retire and I stopped cold turkey. From popping 3 times a day just to function to nothing, withdrawals were nightmarish and it feels like I never really recovered from them. I remember the bliss of pulling all nighters, lazer focused, taking breaks from writing just to bask in the calm of the night with a joint. Unfortunately, I also remember that this bliss became more and more sporadic to be replaced with madness and darkness, how I was burning everything from both ends and I just couldn't mentally keep up. I remember waking up and feeling like I hadn't slept at all, but I just had to keep going, keep burning so I could be who I always wanted to be, do what I always wanted to do. I did plenty of psychs, some that probably fucked me over permanently, but nothing could prepare me for that. I wasn't doing drugs, there was nothing recreational about this, I was living on borrowed time, time I didn't have and there was no fun involved. All I cared about was work and I couldn't do it without those pills. I've never experienced this with any other drug, nothing ever made me feel as ideal as this, even MDMA or blow can't compare to the joy of thinking you're actually living up to your own expectations. Sadly, speed works like a monkey paw: be careful what you wish for and that, I'll never forget. Thanks for indulging me, I don't really get to talk about it all that much and nobody really seems to understand why, even 2 years after quitting, I still think about that shit almost daily and struggle to not relapse. It's not about the drug, it's about the promise it brings and I wish people realized that.


Frank Herbert once said ( and I’m paraphrasing so be kind ) “There are times when I am inspired and I write, other times when I feel no inspiration and still write. Yet when enough time has passed and I look back, they are both the the same”.


For me it was fentanyl. Been off of it for just over a year after a 5 day coma.


I’m so proud of you. I can’t imagine what you went through and how difficult it was for you to come out of it. But you did it. You fucken did it.


for me it was heroin just woke up one day and decided the come down/hangover wasn't worth it. kinda had an aha moment in the way to work, i thought "i wish i didn't have to feel like shit every morning..... wait fuck i don't have to WTF am i doing"


Im so proud of each and everyone who’s trying and those who may have almost dying trying. I understand, nobody really understands the struggle. Even if you’re struggling today, don’t be ashamed of it. Sometimes life truly sucks. But you’ve got this, we’ve got this!


touching melted plastic


Marrying the same woman twice.


Maybe the third time will be the charm.




I do


A wise man once said " If something happens once, it may happen again. If something happens twice, it will definitely happen a third time".


WW3 is bound to happen then, gg


Is she called Tammy?


Tasting vanilla extract. That day my 8 year old self learnt a valuable lesson.


An avoidable, yet seemingly necessary mistake we all have to make. Throw cocoa powder in there too.


And cinnamon




It was so nice of that Japanese restaurant to include a piece of green marzipan for dessert after all that raw fish!


My dumbass will still taste it every few years just to see if it's as bad as I remember. It always is. Something that smells so good has no business tasting that awful


It's because Vanilla extract is suspended in shitty Vodka. You're literally tasting ass-tier Vodka that had some vanilla beans soaked in it.


So what if I get some better vodka?


I make my own vanilla extract with Madagascar vanilla beans and bourbon. It's actually pretty good on its own, but it's way better as a small part of something.


Putting a frozen juice box in the microwave


What the shit happened to you or the juice box?😭


It sparked in the corner, looked similar to a the reaction a grape gives off when in the microwave. I didn't know that the juice box was lined with a metal layer on the inside.


Ever seen those videos of a house blowing to high hell from a "gas leak?" That's a coverup.


That’s why OP never replied. Got blown to smithereens.


Christmas shopping on "Black Friday." It was a mob scene, with people challenging each other to be first to grab merchandise off the shelves. Never again - not worth it.


I refuse to even step foot out of my house on Black Friday. Traffic sucks.


Most of the stuff isn’t even on discount which is what the day is advertised as.


They sold that to us for many years, and then they flipped the script without telling us. Now we have "Black Friday Sales" that are just 20% off a 20% marked up price. I'm no Field's medalist, but I can do a little math.


I'm 37 and used to work retail during the real peak hell year's before internet ordering removed some of the Burdon on store. I refuse to do any in person shopping of any kind on principle on thanksgiving and Black Friday including the grocery store.


Ran into the same glass door a second time within 10 seconds.


I’ve been living in this house for over 7 years now… and that still regularly happens…


Don't give someone you're dating money. Not at least until they've proven themselves reliable, and that they truly care about you for who you are. Seems obvious, but attraction can blind your common sense.


Breaking up with a great partner.


Feel you. I broke up with the most amazing woman i know. The reason, well long story but i guess the root of the problem was me. Didn't talk about problems and it accumulated until i just had to go, my brain fought against itself and i was in really bad mental condition. The mistake was not letting her help and tried to solve it myself.


I feel you right there. The problem was me and me being scared. Here I am almost two years later realizing what a mistake it was and in so much pain


At first you think that it was for the better and your mind just blinds you from any mistake you made. After the fog inside your head settles down, the world around you just collapses. That's how it felt for me. It pains to remember that she was always right, right even when I walked away from her.


I left the love of my life because I thought I deserved better. I’ve not found anyone better since. It’s been 15 years and I think about it all the time. "When you love someone you have to be careful with it, you might never get it again. If the person you’re with is someone you respect, who you believe has a great heart and a great soul, as good a heart and soul that you will ever find, don’t ever leave them, because you won't find anyone better. So even if you have an argument or a fight or there are moments – even years – that can be tough (I don't mean extended periods of years, but you know we all go through moments in life), stick it out, work at it – as long as it is someone you respect and admire and you are kindred spirits – because you won't find a better one. Hold on.” -Tom Ford


Flip side, staying in a toxic relationship because “it’s familiar”


infatuated by someone to the point where they are all you think about. it clouds your mind and you start to forget yourself. had to take a step back and get my priorities straight.


I'm struggling here right now. I don't know why I've got feelings for this dude, and he drives me absolutely insane. I feel like I'm in highschool again; he just hits all my crazy buttons. I gotta lock it tf up.


Put regular dawn in the dishwasher. Fuck that was bad.


Been to that bubbly kitchen floor once before!


I was with a girl I knew in college and we popped by the apartment she shared with her sister (also at the same school) as she was trying to clean up the mess from the same mistake. I think it was much better for me to learn that lesson through observation than experience.


Formatted the wrong hard drive and didn't have updated backups.


Don't get married after college because all your friends in the group are.


The amount of people who get married and have kids just cause its expected of them is insane


I went to a religious high school. All the kids that married their first boyfriend/girlfriend before they hit 20 are doing really well, after the divorce.


Once, I was honest to my boss. Will never do it again


Getting a life coach. 2 grand to be told to go on walks and pray (I'm not religious). Still paying that mistake off.


Letting myself become obese. I've lost a lot of weight and gained back my life now. I will never go back to that depressing and painful state.


Asked a girl if she was pregnant. She wasn't. Most humiliating thing I've ever said.


I think I heard a comedian say once that unless the baby is coming out at that exact moment, you never assume a women is pregnant.


On our 1st date she said that she and her 12 y. o. son were more "friends" than mom and son. My inner alarm went off and I ignored it. Bad. Decision.


Getting married to someone with the opposite beliefs than me. Politically and Religiously. She is not a match. She was never supposed to be my wife. What an incredible fuck up She looked pretty, basically. I was 19.


Being a doormat for everyone.


It's amazing how many people will act like you've changed for the worse too when you start standing up for yourself. So many people I had to cut out of my life; it's hard starting fresh but it's worth it in the long term.


Trying to get Frisky with my wife after cutting jalapeños. We called that move the spicy chalupa and it has never been repeated since.


Removing my towel after a shower next to a bed with a curious 3 month old kitten in it. That little fucker pounced off the bed, and latched onto my dangly bits, teeth on the tip and claws in the berries. I'm also quite allergic to cats, so there was so much swelling that I considered sending a dick pic to my girl away on business to say "are you impressed yet?", but there was a lot of blood. The worst part about it is not only was I in an incredible amount of pain, and everyone knows that you have to basically explain your story 3 times at a hospital. Once to the desk clerk, once to the nurse, and once to the doctor..... except this was also a teaching hospital.


Forgot to wash hands after chopping jalepeno's, then went to take a leak. 0/10.


My boyfriend removed a contact after chopping jalapeños. I wasn’t sure if he was going to make it.




Getting back with my manipulative and toxic ex


Continuing to date someone who starts shit 2 weeks into dating. You gotta learn what a red flag means before you can recognize their significance, I guess. But damn, what a lesson to learn.




Thinking I could go into that timeshare meeting, be out within an hour, and get that free trip to Vegas


Opening my coolent Reservoir when my car overheated, to see if that was why ....PSA DONT EVER DO THAT


For those who don't know (like me): the coolant is under pressure. Its also like 215°F+ and so when you open it up it has to go somewhere and it will pretty much explode so yeah don't do that.


My mom once had decorative soaps in the guest bathroom. I thought they were candy. Munched on them a lot longer than I should have before realizing I was bamboozled. Moral of the story: Don’t eat bathroom candy. Sometimes. Edit: I was 15 or so. I feel that adds an extra dimension of stupid to the whole thing.


Going commando with entirely untrimmed pubes in a pair of pants with a zipper.


The balls don't go inside the condom too, just the shaft


But they do go inside the vagina, right?


Yeah, the balls go inside the vagina


Going through with getting married even though I knew and felt it wasn’t right. Days before I became nervous, but it wasn’t the ordinary cold feet most people feel. I genuinely knew it wasn’t right. We already had so many problems. We met online and she was gorgeous. But the red flags were easily identified. I knew the first date she was very negative. She talked more about what she doesn’t like versus what she does like. But once the wedding was happening, I felt there was no going backwards. Until this day, my friend still jokes about taking a picture with the exit in the background. The day of my wedding he supported me exiting if I decided it wasn’t right for me. I’m happily divorced after 3 years of hell.


Unplanned pregnancy. Got snipped after that.


My Dad had dentures. I had a set of those cheap, plastic vampire teeth. I cut off the fangs, and used his denture glue to attach them to my canines. I used too much glue and glued my upper lip to my gums. My Dad laughed so hard he was slapping his leg and crying. Then he caught his breath, and attempted to help me; which set off the laughter again.


Ignoring Red flags


Choosing an ex that cheated on me over a friend that doesn't talk to me anymore because of that


Going back to my old neighborhood. Too many bad memories and people there, even people who I saw as friends treated me like shit. Never again


I once used a treadmill after putting it at its second-highest speed when I'd never used one before; bear in mind, I was nine, but, ouch!!! My friends who owned the gadget were concerned and rightly so. The scar is gone now, but I will never forget how badly my knee hurt and bled from the fall! ETA: More time has passed than I thought it did! My sister just reminded me that I was nine. She's right.....


Wearing shoes that lost all their grip (sorry for bad English) I feel off a tractor and luckily it didn't run over me since then I always wear shoes with good grip


If you've recently used menthol muscle rub on your limbs, be very, *very* careful that you've washed *all* of it off immediately afterwards. Do *not* indulge the urge to scratch your itching genitals with that hand, even after washing your hands clean, just to be safe.


Staying on 16 when the dealers showing a face card. They always have 20, always.


and if they don't they probably will hit 4 times and get 21 anyway.


Roommates! I would rather live paycheck to paycheck in my own place then deal with the passive aggressive bs involved with people who aren't even your family.


Driving over the alcohol limit.




Will never work in a family business again. Will never hire one of my children or relatives either. Recipe for disaster.


Trusting a “friend” at work.


I make friends after I leave a job, but not during. I am cordial, helpful, and kind, but while it's never personally happened to me \*unawares\*, I have been aware of backstabbers trying to be your friend as well as people who severely backstabbed my wife when she helped people get jobs. Never confide in a coworker anything you would not tell everyone out loud. If they confide in you, say nothing, assume nothing, and try to forget it as soon as possible, as I have had people "confide" in me as a way to start drama. Corollary: Never hire a friend at your workplace. ESPECIALLY if a power dynamic occurs (example: one of you in a manager over the other).


Got back together with an ex girlfriend. Fuck me, talk about fool me twice shame on me.