Feeling uncomfortable all the time.
For some reason people always assumed I was simple minded/stupid when I was obese. Now that I've lost weight people just talk to me like I'm a regular person.
I think the ingrained assumption is:
1. Being fat means they don’t have self control.
2. Lack of self control is something associated with being dumb.
Just to give you the reasoning
He's not fat anymore, you don't have to break it down for him
The bullying I had to experience being a fat child
I have a fear that nobody is ever going to fall in love with me because I don't feel visible and I am fat
Also, going to the pool or beach and you have to put on a swimsuit. I feel like a seal stranded on the beach.
I have the same feeling. When I’m out with friends I always notice when they’re being hit on or if someone thinks they’re attractive. And I think, that’ll never happen to me. I’m some sort of niche human who doesn’t have much appeal. I’ve been told I’m pretty even though I’m fat… but is that enough for me to be seen by anyone? I often don’t think so, until someone hits on you and you only realize afterwards and wonder what’s wrong with them for finding you attractive lol.
When I was fat. I didn't realise it at the time but how lethargic you are and just how much worse you feel mentally and physically compared to being fit.
It's night and day. My depression is basically non-existent. I actually want to go out and do things and it's even easier to control my emotions.
I rarely hear the mental health side talked about.
Clothes are too long when you compensate for your width.
Feeling guilty while eating your favourite foods, not looking good in photos/clothes.
Me and my wife got our wedding photos back. Looked at them for maybe 20 seconds and instantly took out the usb and put it in the junk drawer. None of the photos we took look good and we hate it because we want to share that day so bad with our friends and family and to hand out copies to for peoples fridges. But we hate the way we look and it’s the only bad part of the happiest day of our lives
That breaks my heart. But the people who love you know exactly what you look like, and that doesn’t affect their love. Hopefully many of them were there with you on your wedding day and would love a little momento on their fridge. Turn the situation around, would you appreciate a photo of them any less because of some physical imperfection?
The people who love you won’t care how you look. They’ll still love the photos and will post them on their fridge. I know I would.
Not the *worst* part, but the most constantly shitty part is constantly being called "big guy" by every kind of person other than other "big guys".
I run a meat department. A number of customers over the years will take my suggestions with the comment "You look like you know what's good".
I know they aren't trying to be assholes, but I still need to go in the back to cool off after.
God, yes. I started hanging out at a new bar a few months ago and one of the staff who meant well, but couldn't remember my name, asked me, "Hey Big Guy, could you help me adjust this real quick?" It was the first time I realized that this really bothers me. I nearly pulled out, "My name is Kurt." But I didn't want to be known as fat *and* touchy.
He's a good guy and we're friends now, but that stuck with me the rest of the night.
My belt trying to stab me in my belly when I sit down.
When I was heavier I absolutely hated getting out of peoples cars. And sitting in the backseat of a two door car was total nightmare fuel.
My thighs rubbing and chaffing. I'm so fucking raw right now.
I'm fat and have a couple tips that might help! If you wear dresses or shorts try slip shorts or bike shorts under dresses or other types of shorts.
Also get some unscented stick deodorant/antiperspirant and apply to areas that touch. Optionally, add a dusting of cornstarch on top. You may need to reapply every few hours but it really helps.
Gold bond makes a friction defense stick which is essentially that! An unscented non greasy formula which helps the chafing! They’re even moisturizing.
It has worked better for me than any trick so far.
They make chaffing sticks too for bikers/athletes. They are a life saver in the summer!
Nothing seems to fit nicely or still look nice in your size.
And for women you get black or wild childish floral prints and animal skin prints
And when it does look nice from the front, you turn sideways...
Holy shit, I just woke up to 5000+ upvotes.
Nah, it’s when you see the back of yourself in the background of a photo. Holy fuck… :((
The worst for me is seeing yourself on your ring doorbell camera! Ugh!
Hating your own reflection.
Putting on a shirt, walking into the backroom, seeing how it makes me look, and then never pulling out my favorite shirt ever again.
I gained a lot of weight FIVE whole years ago and have had this toxic relationship with myself where I always tell myself that I'll be back to my regular size in a couple of months. As a result, I barely have any clothes because I think it would be wasteful to buy such large sizes.
Okay I’ve had the exact same experience. I’ve finally been able to drop most of the weight and imo this is kinda toxic to yourself. The number one thing that I needed was the confidence and not having clothes and a full closet is a downer to yourself. Here’s what I did instead, get all those clothes put them in a suitcase or something so you don’t have to see them. After that just buy enough clothes for you to feel comfortable where you’re at right now (don’t be a dumbass like me and buy clothes at your ideal weight and think that’s gonna be motivation, it isn’t). Just buy cheap clothes that you don’t really care about and buy yourself the proper clothes to workout. Honestly if you’re gonna buy some nice clothes, maybe get a good workout outfit something that you really like. I learned I really like tracksuits and they help make me feel confident to workout. Something that makes you feel akin to wearing a nice suit to the office. Hope this helps.
Just the sheer amount of room “fatness” takes up in your brain. You’re either thinking about it or being reminded of it by your clothes, social situation, available space, etc. It’s exhausting.
This was (is) always the worst for me. It's like 90% of my day. What am I eating, wearing, how could I fit in exercise, what will I eat next, is that person looking at me because I'm fat, why am I so worthless, I wish I was more motivated. Constant in some form or another, even now that I'm a lot smaller, it's still there. I fucking hate it.
Then I get stressed about overthinking it, hate myself for being fat, then go and eat because I enjoy eating tasty food and it makes me feel better. All the while screaming at myself in my own head that I don't need to be eating right now. And then it starts over again.
The amount of pants you go through.
Chub rub some holes in them?
Legitimately a top 3 motivator for working out again I can’t keep buying new underwear and pants as often as I do
Not just that, but holding onto the previous clothing size "for when you slim back down into them again". Suddenly it's a decade later and you have enough clothes in your drawers for five people because you've still got your size 14, 16, 18, 20 and 22s, and you're wearing 24.
As a fat kid, I would fucking *murder* corduroy pants.
Sounding like an over exuberant zipper opening and closing.
And starting a fire while we walk.
I had no idea this was a thing. Are there ways to prevent this?
Thigh rash tho...
having good taste in clothes, clothes are not the size
I was skinny for most of my life and I’ve been fat for about 5-6 years now… I still have a hell of a time judging clothing size. I hold something up and think “yeah this looks big enough” and NOPE. I try it on and it’s not even close.
This! Oh my god I went swimsuit shopping for the first time since gaining 50lbs with a pregnancy and I looked at a XL swimsuit going yeah that should fit! UM NOPE I got it halfway up one thigh. That hurt a lot. I left the store after that questioning my life choices.
having style, but the style is the wrong size
Mirrors. You can be having a good time while out, walk across your reflection, and your entire mood is ruined by seeing you big you look and then how disgusting you feel. That was my experience at least.
This literally just happened to me on tuesday. Went out to see the new dr strange with work mates that ive never hung out with. Movie finished, we were talking and smiling and having a good conversation, and then i see my reflection in a poster and immediately put my head in my phone in shame.
It's so disappointing when you see yourself and have little to no self-esteem.
Or you could think you had a great night. Then you look at pictures of that night and realize you are just a fat cow.
"Why are you never in any pictures" sigh.
In my 20s, I was a fat kid playing basketball with my friend. 90 degrees. I was drenched. He didn't even break a sweat.
I'm surprised I had to scroll this far for this one. It's my biggest insecurity. I sweat but mostly in my face and head so that it runs down my neck. It takes very little exertion too.
Me too! I fucking hate it, I want to get rid of this unwanted weight but It's damn embarrassing going out into the public sweating like a fucking pig. Shit like this is mostly the reason I despise summer and stay inside.
Besides swimming which I love doing, I'd love to do other activities that wouldn't make me sweat so much.
EDIT: Yes I know, pigs don't sweat it's just something I like to say.
EDIT 2: I am reading the replies to this comment and thank you for giving me some confidence, it's makes me feel happy to hear that a lot of users here are encouraging and cheering me on and others alike who want to change but who feel embarrassed to do so.
Just to give some words of encouragement: A lot of people have tremendous respect for those that are overweight that are working on losing that weight. A few coworkers of mine have made pretty good progress and it’s great to see. Yeah it sucks you have to go out initially being overweight but that’s the hardest it’ll get. It’s all upside once it becomes a regular habit. stick with it :)
Ngl, whenever i see an overweight person at the gym, all i have is respect. Cause i know that what theyre going through is ten folds the difficulty im going through and yet theyre still there. Will do an extra rep as a sign of appreciation (but of course no need to verbalize).
P. S. Im not fit, i actually just got into the overweight category on my bmi. Just not noticeable at first glance.
Lying about being hungry so people don’t think of course the fat ass is fucking hungry
I worked with a guy who was about 550lbs. One our co-workers asked him one day... ".....I never see you eat?"
The reply... "Dude, look at me, I'm an eating machine."
I’m a fat man. I never eat lunch or breakfast.
I absolutely love dinner foods, what can I say?
Whenever I'm asked if I want something to eat when I'm at someone elses house, I decline because of this very reason.
Oh my god, yes! Holidays with the in laws are the worst because the food is so delicious and all I want to do is just stuff my fat face but I don't because I just feel so self conscious.
Also: username checks out.
The alternative is the [6 foot sandwich story](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ca7bdz/aita_because_i_ate_more_than_my_share_of_a_6_foot/)...
Having an ache in your arm or chest and not knowing if it’s posture or your heart finally packing in
To be fair this also applies to me and I'm not fat, I'm just convinced all my internals are on their way out already.
Lmfao word, any time I feel anything too out of the ordinary I basically go "hmm so today's the day huh" lmfao
This was strangely comforting to know this many people have the same anxieties as I do lol
Same. I really thought I was the only one overthinking every ache and pain sometimes. Especially chest pains. I've had many "so this is really it huh" moments. It has affected my life in some ways. I worry about camping and hiking sometimes being out I such a remote area. Anxiety is the worst.
Sweating. Walk up some stairs? Sweat. 70 and sunny? Sweat. 30 and grey? Sweat. Sitting? Sweat. You get about 20 minutes after you dry off after a cool shower of being dry before sweating again
I hate to say but some people just are sweaters regardless of size. But it’s definitely worse when you’re overweight.
Cutting your toenails sucks ass.
And tying your shoes
So does shaving your lower half.
Asking for a extender for an airline seat. Then the folks expression when I stop at their row.
Equally tough was a FA casually walking down the aisle with an extender only to stop, look at me, and say "were you the one that requested this?". I was already buckled without an an extender but I guess I looked fat enough to make them wonder. A real eye opener to how people must see me.
> Asking for a extender for an airline seat
Here's a fun story I've heard: a lady needed a seatbelt extender, and when she received it she was FURIOUS! It was labeled "FAT". It wasn't making fun of her, it was just based out of the Fresno airport, whose code is "FAT".
I feel this is an apocryphal story, because I'd assume they'd be branded with the airline company, rather than the home base, but it's a funny story nonetheless.
For "Fresno Air Terminal", if you're curious. There was a push to get it changed to FYI (Fresno-Yosemite International) some time ago but it went nowhere.
A relative was once reading the deceased page of the newspaper, and noticed an old friend of theirs, Linda Large, had unfortunately died.
They were in equal part tearing up and in hysterics as the words 'LARGE LINDA' were pasted under her photo.
That was awkward.
Very much this. I do appreciate that the flight attendants, in my experience, have been super gracious and try to be discreet about it.
Ask the FA for it as you're boarding. That way you don't have to do the button-push-and-make-a-scene thing.
Also one of the worst parts about having body acne
I used to have horrible cystic acne on my back. Luckily not on my face, so I was thankful for that, but yea- shirts and skins I was praying to be shirts.
Had an uncle that was rather large and he would always rip his shirt off and yell out "time to let the fat fly and if you don't like it don't look at it" seeing that as a chubby kid gave me a more self positive outlook on my body image.
Edit: stupid autocorrect
You’re uncle is cool as fuck, if he’s still around you should let him know how much that meant to you.
"No, no, I'm good. You guys have fun" \*sitting in the shade wearing pants in the summer
Edit: Thanks for the likes 🥺🙌
I remember going down a pool slide in a t-shirt as a kid. I insisted it made me faster, when I really just didn't want to show my boy-tits.
Then when most people left I tried it shirtless and I was way faster without a shirt.
I did this; still mostly wont swim without a shirt (am 29 now). What got me to be brave enough as a probably 10 year old kid was not wearing a shirt one day and walking around while outside the water with my arms crossed over my “boy-tits” (lol, thanks for that btw) and a friend saying “dude, just walk normal. No one cares”. Made me feel more accepted than i thought that day. To this day i have to remind myself of this memory often to feel okay with what i look like on days i otherwise dont.
I always folded my arms over my moobs 😩 I'd also be the one always wearing the towel like a cape covering me up
A female friend once told me she was gonna do her birthday party at the pool
I just panicked and completely denied the invitation
At the end the party wasn't at the pool and I went, but just the fact that I instantly panicked and said no it's horrible
Getting winded waking up a couple flights of stairs. Glass half full I’m 30lbs down in 2 months, only 70 more to go!
Good job! 30 lbs makes a big difference in terms of endurance(in my experience).
snoring.... .... sleep apnea... the whole lot
I have sleep apnea so I lost a bunch of weight in hopes of getting rid of it. Ninety pounds down and my sleep apnea got worse!
Sleep apnea can have causes aside from excess weight. Husband has it regardless of weight and he's been on both ends of the spectrum. Ultimately, he had a special mouth guard made by his dentist and it's effectively resolved the sleep apnea. I guess in his case the problem is structural. The space in his throat is quite narrow and closes when he lies on his back--the mouth guard brings his jaw forward and allows him to breathe. Something you might want to look into for yourself, perhaps.
I recently started a podcast and the first episode was unlistenable because of how fat my breathing was.
I'm sorry, I swear I'm not laughing at you, but I can't handle "how fat my breathing was". Made me lol
The fucking Shirt pull (you know what I’m talking about)
Edit: To all of you out there, I promise you you are loved and appreciated. I’m glad to know I’m not alone in this.
I fucking hate the shirt pull. Esspecially when it's a shirt that you didn't have to pull a month ago.
Or the Pillow hug when you’re sitting on a couch
This guy fats
> The fucking Shirt pull
Ah yes, [the Picard maneuver](https://youtu.be/x2o77i74T48?t=13).
Holy shit, that video is 5 minutes long! Picard sure did a lot of tugging in TNG.
Patrick Stewart did an interview where he said it was requested they do this to ensure that the front of the sweaters were always flat and crisp so they maintained a certain aesthetic. If you watch the entire series nearly every sitting crew member does it when they stand up.
Seeing chairs at a restaurant and being scared you won't fit. Sad reality
Or being afraid it's going to break
Feeling okayish about the way you look or feel and then seeing yourself in a picture and going into a spiral of depression for the next 3 weeks
I understand this feeling very well. I dislike looking in the mirror because of that
ah see I see the same person I've always seen in the mirror then in pics like who tf is that fatty!? my going to the gym has been based on how I feel about my selfie that day. I been hitting the gym a lot lately lol
Or being the biggest one in your friend group and feeling like the ugly duckling because of it.
When I lost weight I discovered that people seemed way more nice to me and seemed to approach me as being more intelligent or valued than before.
I lost 130lbs in one year in high school.
People really treat you different in a positive sense
I still remember this one kid at my high school was "the fat kid" through Jr year then over the summer lost a ton of weight, and they still picked on him asking him if his parents sent him to fat camp. It's been like 20 years, but I hope he's okay.
He probably had a great time in college. Nobody knew who he was in high school and he was just a normal not-fat dude. Even if people from his high school went to the same college, I can't see how they would bring that along...what are they going to do, tell people "Oh, Tim used to be so fat, haha I bet he went to fat camp"? People in college will be like "....so? good for him."
Unless easy access to beer and junk food made him gain it all back...
I actually just looked him up. He's definitely kept it off,.looks like he has a very active lifestyle. Good for him! Definitely better than I'm doing lol
Had this in reverse. I've gained weight over the last few years and have felt ppl treating me more like shit then they use to
I started fat, got very thin for a few years and then got fat again. There's 100% a correlation with how people treat you. The bright side though is it makes it easier to sift through people / potential friends. If somebody treats you well as a fat person, you can trust that that person is probably worth keeping around.
I did too. Lost a bunch, slowly regained because I didn’t deal with the mental/emotional stuff. Treated completely differently. Just shows how vapid a lot of people are.
This has definitely been the most interesting part to me on my weight loss journey. People generally seem nicer to me than I remember!
My GF was quite skinny in a healthy way. Then put that birth control in her arm. Gained a lot of weight. I love her very much. Her confidence went down because going from people hitting on you regularly to almost not at all is noticable. I hit on her regularly.
I had nexplanon too. I gained 30 lbs in 2 months! And my hair fell out like crazy. I had it removed after 6 months.
Keep it up - one of these days she'll say yes!
People view you as a lesser person in society
A fat person is:
2. A person
That shit is real
Not wanting to go out to eat because I feel like I can’t win no matter what I order.
I used to weigh over 500 and I’ve lost over 200 pounds all on my own. But I’m still fat and people still stare. No one knows I’ve lost weight and went to therapy to understand how to eat. No one knows I was starved as a kid and developed seriously disordered eating habits. Everyone just sees a fat person.
I feel like if get a burger, people expected it, I’m getting fat person food. Once I got a salad and the waitress asked if I didn’t want pizza instead. “You seem like a pizza person.”
I went in the bathroom and cried.
God. Wtf? Who says that?!
Someone who doesn’t want a tip apparently.
For real, even if you turn down food or make a healthy choice people will prod you and be like you sure you don't want a cupcake like wtf I said no
I’d cry too. What a shitty comment from a waitress.
Always being aware of how much space you take up.
Many years ago I was at a baseball game at Wrigley Field with my girlfriend. We were sitting in these two seats and there were two large gentlemen sitting in the two seats next to us. To their right the seats were all taken and to our left the rest of the row was empty. One of the guys turned to me and said “Hi, me and my friend are… um… fat. Would you two mind moving down a few seats?”
What could I say. I said, sure, laughed, and moved down. It reminded me of the skit by Louie Anderson when he says something about thinking fat people dont know they are fat.
My wife was on a small plane jumping islands in Hawaii and a group of Samoans (huge guys) boarded and went to their seats. Before takeoff the captain came out and said in a light tone “Can I get you guys to spread out a little or we may just end up going in circles.”
They broke out laughing as they realized they were all grouped on one side of the plane.
small planes make you really appreciate just how delicate flight can be lol
went into the canadian wilderness once on a canoeing trip and they weighed all of us and placed us and our baggage accordingly
Growing up in Alaska I've experienced this a lot on float planes. Also most people who've never flown on a float plane would be terrified flying on one in turbulent weather. I recall watching the wings flex up and down violently as the wind was tossing us up/down with unbelievable G-force. Nobody on the plane had a slightest look of concern and when we disembarked everyone went on as if nothing happened. Good times.
The one I was on was a float plane as well, it rattled and flexed and dude landed it on a speck of water that was just barely enough to take off from (and only going one way due to tree clearance)
most surprising part was a guide telling us 'If the pilot's cool, it's all cool... unless it's a rescue pilot, because those fuckers are either permanently cool or adrenaline junkies or both'
it was the first time I considered the off work activities of the kind of person that gravitates towards that field.
I've found that the wilderness medics and emergency crews are all the kind of people that will invite you for a fun weekend or a cool joyride and next thing you know you feel like you are on the cover of Nat Geo. I've seen planes that make Rick's spaceship look like a lambo, get flown into some crazy storms cause that's their wings and they know how to use em.
I was thinking about the Samoan line from pulp fiction and was wondering about it so I looked it up. Apparently 95% of Samoans are overweight. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2358371/amp/American-Samoas-battle-obesity-95-cent-nation-declared-overweight.html
I wonder how that got so bad.
Wrigley Field seats will make anyone feel fat to be honest. It's ridiculously cramped there.
I'm a fat guy and always have been (although I'm 100 pounds lighter than I used to be and I'm almost to a healthy weight now). I'm always very conscious of how big I am in small spaces. Go to a baseball game? I'm practically sitting sideways to make sure the people on each side have enough space.
My father-in-law on the other hand, was thin until he was 40. He's almost 70 now, but still has no idea how to handle his weight. He seems completely oblivious to how large he is. Baseball game? Airplane? He'll take up three seats, regardless of who are in the other two, and he'll be unapologetic about it.
Plastic chair that's completely falling apart? He'll sit in it without batting an eye, and act completely shocked when it falls apart on him.
Edit: Holy cow this blew up! Just another quick story. My father-in-law also doesn't know how to sit with his weight. He bends his knees a bit and then just plops into the seat with probably 600 pounds of force. New Year's 2019 he did this on my couch and absolutely destroyed it. He not only didn't apologize, he tried to convince us the couch was broken before he sat down.
I agree with this! I lost 150lbs now, but it’s insane! The first time I sat in a stadium chair after my weight loss I was like - I HAVE ALL THIS ROOM! or people like just walk by me in the aisles. It still blows my mind how little space I take up now, compared to how much I used too. I have a hard time realizing it. Btw congrats on your weight loss!
this blew up. Thank you for all the upvotes! I’ve never had this many before! 🥰
Thank you for the award!! 🏅I’m humbled and flattered. ☺️
Truth. I remember doing my best to shove myself backwards to let people by, I have even had to stand up in a movie theater that had fold up seats so that someone could squeeze past me. Once a guy actually lifted his kid up and over. I cried all through the movie. Now I reflexively pull myself back even though there is lots of room now.
Congratulations, that’s wonderful!
Feeling and knowing you're fat and being very embarrassed about it.
Also, knowing that your biggest insecurity will be apparent to anyone you meet almost instantly. literally everyone else gets to hide their business for at least a little while IRL. Can't cover it up for an interview or first date or someshit.
An all day, everyday kind of thing with me. I just push it to the back of my mind until it festers into a mental illness.
something that has helped me deal with it is my own version of self acceptance.
to me it does not mean that I'm fat and that's great. I know its unhealthy and I am/will continue working on it. Having said that.. this is the shape I am in right now and that is okay. Take steps towards your goal but also be okay with who you are today.
Its like, if you want to pay off student loans. Yeah its a pain, yeah you want to be done with it. Get a job, make a plan, work towards your goals. But that doesnt mean you have to hate yourself right now and live below poverty levels or some shit like that. It is okay to be in debt. Accept that and make a plan to get out of it.
Everything. You just feel so *uncomfortable.*
Yep. Clothes don't fit well, your joints probably hurt in some way, you sleep poorly, can get out of breath doing the simplest things like tying your shoes.
I never want to deal with that again.
One bad thing about discomfort is that you never become accustomed to it. Like when you get a pair of glasses, you eventually don't even notice wearing them. The discomfort of weight is always there in everything you do.
Having a wide arrangement of clothing, but only feeling like two or three shirts work, and maybe one pair of jeans. The rest is a "maybe one day I'll lose weight" wardrobe
Man, after losing ~100lbs I realized how much terrible shit I was just dealing with on a daily basis. Physically, emotionally, psychosocially.
Physically: simple tasks become so much more taxing, like tying your shoes for example. I’d have to hold my breath because Id have to press so hard against my stomach and chest in order to reach my shoes. And honestly, I was clinically obese, but I was in the “bigger dude” category under most (American) “social standards”. I can’t imagine how people that need things like scooters to get around must feel.
Psychosocially: if I was just hanging with a tight group of friends, this wouldn’t bother me. But social settings with people that I didn’t know as much were a nightmare because even if I was having a good time, lingering thoughts in the back of my head I would always have this “do I looks fat in these clothes?” “Is my ass crack going to show if I sit down on this chair?” “Is my shirt making its way into my rolls?” “Am I taking too much space on the aisle that people can’t comfortably walk by?” “Am I going to be judged based on what I order to eat? But if I order something ‘healthier’, they’re going to know I’m just ordering that so I don’t look like the fat-ass I am”. It really sucks.
Emotionally: That’s the worse one, I think. Waking up and looking at myself in the mirror and thinking “is this really what I look like?” It was hard not to sink myself into a hole when I looked at myself.
A few years ago I decided to change my career and went to nursing and I said to myself “if I’m going to be telling my patients that they need to stay healthy and make changes that benefit their health, I need to do the same thing”. After two years of learning how to eat and increasing my physical activity, I lost about ~100 lbs, all before nursing school. During nursing school I gained about 50 back due to stress and using food as a coping mechanism. Now that I’m done, I’m working on getting back to the shape I was in two years ago.
Edit: wow! Thanks for the award! I don’t think I did anything out of the ordinary but I definitely appreciate the gesture. You all are so kind.
There are so many. I’m not fat anymore but I was all my life, three years ago I was 309 now 142, no surgery just invented my own damn diet after failing all else.
So many fat nightmares. Being oinked at in school. Not fitting in size 26 at the store. No clothing that flattered. Side eyes at my grocery cart or buffet tray. Rashes on my inner thighs from fabric rubbing together. Shorts riding up. Stains on my belly from my rolls touching the food on my plate. Not fitting on a stretcher. Mail order scrubs. Crying at night. Being the only fat person in my family. Worst of all was hideously low self esteem.
ETA: thank you for the awards, my first ever!!!
The self loathing
I've been skinny, fat, and every where in between. The hardest part for me is losing pretty privilege. I never knew what it was until the first time I got thin in my mid 20s. When I gained it all back, that preferential treatment was gone. And I missed it, more than I ever would have imagined. This might be an asshole response, but it's an honest one.
I hate it when people say, "oh its just a confidence thing." Like no, ive been hot and unattractive and people 100% treat you differently
Going to a job interview and knowing you won't get the job because everyone who works there is attractive...
This is true in so many levels
I used to weight 120 kg, went down to 88 and it was like the world just shifted from a grey, gloomy place to a welcoming one.
People that have never been fat underestimate how much people start treating you differently. The first thing that i noticed was the amount of pictures my friends started taking with me, compared to how much they took when i was obese.
There's a This American Life episode about a woman who lost a ton of weight. It completely changed her life. New career, new friends, one friend becoming a boyfriend and then getting married.
Then one day she realizes her husband wouldn't have been attracted to her if she wasn't X weight. She clearly spirals in the episode and it ends with her and her partner on very shaky ground.
As someone who's lost weight and now have people paying more attention to me, women talking to me at parties (obviously not just a woman thing tho) and getting more matches on dating apps, it was very relatable.
There are days where I'm like "Oh I wasn't some weirdo who people couldn't love, I was just overweight :D"
And then there's days where I'm like "Would the same people like me if I was overweight?"
Absolutely this. You really don't even realize it until it's gone again - especially when you have some body dysmorphia issues going on.
I went from chubby, to very overweight, to (almost dangerously) underweight, to lean and muscular... and now back to chubby. At every single point, I still felt "fat" inside... but I see a huge difference in peoples attitudes towards me in general - then, versus now - after gaining back some of the weight. I truly didn't realize how much I used to get complimented, hit on, offered things from strangers, approached, etc... I didn't really make the correlation until I lost the "privilege" again.
Being ridiculed. Being treated almost as non human. Knowing that any pain or humiliation people send your way is seen as deserved or your own fault. Knowing you truly are trying but no one cares because all they see is what size you are. I’ve been big. I’ve been small. I’ve been in between. And the difference in how people treat you is amazing.
The dick shortened by two inches
It's why you gotta push down on the pelvic fat for that emergency inch when you need it
You get made fun of a lot
Feeling like you look really nice and then later seeing a picture of yourself.
Trying to make yourself smaller on planes or anything with touching seats.
Needing to be strategic about where you shop.
Having everyone be an expert on your health without knowing anything other than what they see.
That first sentence....yeah.
The worst is when you're out shipping and thinking you're looking good that day and then you see yourself in the Target self check out security camera.
fwiw I'm pretty sure *everyone* looks like dogshit in those cameras
>Feeling like you look really nice and then later seeing a picture of yourself.
Also catching yourself in a mirror angle you usually don't see.
I was in a bar a couple of weeks ago that had mirrors all over the place, and caught myself at a 45ish degree angle from the back.
...it wasn't a pretty sight.
> Feeling like you look really nice and then later seeing a picture of yourself
Ahhhh this. I could leave the house looking real cute, feelin' cute, full of vim and vigor. Spouse takes a pic because "you look cute!" and then I see it and *ohnoiamahideousmonsterhowdidanyoneallowmetoleavethehouselikethis*
You are invisible to others, most people automatically assume you are: Inferior, stupid, lazy, ugly, sexless, weak, unworthy, gross, stinky, ad nauseum.
Edit: I came home from work and was shocked at not only two awards but all the amazing comments and upvotes. Although my own opinion of myself fluctuates from day to day, week to week, I understand how many of us feel, what we go through, what we miss out on, how we internalize all those messages and punish ourselves as much as judgmental people punish us for…being fat.
And if/when we bust our butts and lose the weight and we see how the world treats us completely differently, we truly see that most everyone has value placed upon them in direct relation to their appearance. We may have resentment toward those who treat us differently. Maybe they deserve it.
I’m lucky. I have friends who don’t give a damn. I hope all of you do too. Everyone falls down and hopefully, gets back up. Whatever you choose to help you cope with life, your worth as a human being is eternal. We do the best we can. Thank you for sharing.
I think being fat feels like both being invisible but also being watched and judged at all times.
It's a very strange feeling.
You as a person are invisible. You as an object are always in the way.
Funnily it's similar to being a young "hot" woman for many.
Or you are too visible for the exact same reasons.
Honestly so many of these things hit me in the feels. Ive had extra weight my whole life, my largest I was 260, my smallest ( as an adult) was 205. Currently Im sitting at 225 aiming to get to 190.
Yes, looking in the mirror can be depressing , peoples comments can be as well, even when they don't mean to. Not wanting to take pictures because you know you won't like them etc. I was to the point I would buy multiples of the same outfit (black tee shirt, black hoodie, blue jeans) just so you couldn't really put a timestamp on when the photos were taken.
What really always bothered me though was the absolute lack of flexibility I would have. Try to scratch your back - good luck. Try to do any sort of calisthenics - Cramps like crazy. Balance, poor. That shit always bothered me.
So many people have tips and tricks for making major changes to your life, for someone large it's the major changes that stop us in our tracks. For me, I said I need to burn more calories and intake less. So I fast until lunch, make sure I have vegetables, try to cut down on bread and ensure I break a sweat daily. My cheat code was putting an elliptical and recumbant bike in the garage and hooking up a tv and an xbox. Ill either watch netflix or play some halo with friends. It works well to pass time.
At my heaviest, I went to an amusement park. I LOVE rollercoasters. I waited in line, go on, the safety bar juuuuusssst didn't close/click no matter how hard I or the ride operator pushed. I was told I had to get off the ride. The shame and humiliation I felt during the walk from the ride past the people in line behind me who saw the whole thing and the friends I was with who got to stay on the ride, that was the worst thing about being fat.
Edit: Wow! Thank you kind strangers for all the updoots and awards!
Edit 2: I'm so sorry so many others have experienced this. It's such a horrible feeling, and people can be cruel.
If you laugh at someone for this, you are a terrible person and need to evaluate your own life choices.
Also, for those asking, not long after this, I had gastric bypass and was able to lose 125lbs. I'm much healthier and happier.
For those who have mentioned that poor boy who died as a result of being over the weight limit and not properly secured, that was such a tragedy. This is why those weight limits/restrictions exist. They suck for those of us are over those limits, but I respect their intended purpose.
Finally, those who think my friends should have gotten off with me, they were ready to, I told them not to. No use all of us missing out on a ride we waited in a long line for.
I just went to Universal and had this experience on several attractions. This was definitely the catalyst for my recent lifestyle changes. I'm planning a revenge tour
I can relate. At my heaviest I couldn't fit through the turnstile to get on the Snow White ride at Disneyland. Everyone saw it, but kindly, no one made eye contact when I made the walk of shame back through the line.
I'll never forget it.
I scrolled looking for this answer. At my biggest I was still able to get the shoulder or lap bar to close, but just barely and I had to really slam it against my body as hard I could. At smaller weights, I remember hearing it click a few times before it was tight, and trying to get it to click just once was a little panic inducing. Especially for the rides that go upside down, I was pretty nervous. Definitely a wake up call, for sure.
Losing your mobility. To the point where if you drop something on the floor, you literally can't bend over to pick it up. And you're like;
"Aw man, that was my favourite baby. You belong to the floor now, junior. Just crawl around and try to live off the scraps."
those are floor d’ouevres
Used to work as a librarian, and I actually saw this happen. The baby was probably about two, and he started toddling around the library at baby pace, and his mom was waddling after him shouting, “Somebody catch that baby! Grab him! Pick him up!”
It had never occurred to me before that someone’s weight could prevent them from reaching down and picking up their own baby.
I once read a book about a woman who lost a tremendous amount of weight. Before she lost the weight she was a babysitter as her job. She watched small children but they had to be of an age where they could walk and take direction. She had a rule or a routine that whenever she needed to be mobile all of the children had to leave whatever they were doing and go put their backs against a wall. They had to stay there until she sat back down.
This was in case she ever fell and landed on a child she feared she would kill them. Not only kill them but also she feared she’d be stuck laying on top of the child till help came. She finally stopped babysitting due to the stress of potentially harming a child.
I think she was something like 600 pounds. Eventually she lost all the extra weight because her sister bought her a computer and she got so engrossed in talking to people online that she often forgot to eat.
It was a very interesting book and I really wish I remembered the title or author, but I don’t.
Your comment about the baby made me think of this book although it’s been over a decade since reading it.
Halfway through your comment I forgot you were talking about a book.
I forgot until I read your comment
Getting out of breath easy sucks. Manboob sweat sucks. Not being able to see your penis while peeing or spanking it sucks. And lack of energy sucks. But having sex with my girlfriend and being on top and scared ima crush her, really sucks.
Things I didn't realize were issues for overweight people, not being able to see your dick while jacking it.
I'm not even super fat, and yet... Clothes. Additional health issues I already had, I was learning to live with them, so on. But suddenly, clothes that had fit me for over a decade aren't fitting me anymore, new clothes that I like don't exist in both my size and price range at the same time, and honestly I feel like 99% of clothes, even if they're "for plus-size" make me look and feel WORSE, not better, about my weight. When my other health issues leave me a depressed and broken mess, I can't even throw on my favorite pjs before I crawl into my bed to be a sad sack of shit anymore. Because they don't fit. Or they make me look like a water balloon wrapped in rubber bands, random globs of fat sticking out all over...
Trying on clothes at a store and realizing it doesn’t fit, or trying on your own clothes and those don’t fit. I’ve had many dressing room breakdowns because I tried on the largest size they had and it doesn’t fit.
The shame. Last weekend I had a wedding to go to and I needed to buy a new shirt since my others are now too small for me. I went to a shop and was looking at the 2x shirts and an employee came up to me and was very gracious, I don't feel he was trying to shame me or anything, but he quietly told me the big and tall section was on the other side of the store. I played it off like he did me a solid because I was too embarrassed to ask but deep down, that shit hurt man....
You deserve to wear clothes that fit you well. Shop where you need to shop. Overweight is unhealthy yeah. I’m fat too dude. But you deserve nice clothes that fit you well. And if you have to find that in a different section then fuck it. Look good boo.
The lifelong solitude. The difficulty believing that anyone is doing more than just politely tolerating your presence.
I have been on both ends of unhealthy weight. The worst part for me about being fat was that everyone assumes that all your problems are weight related. Pulled a muscle? Need to lose weight. Stomach issues? Need to lose weight. Ear infection? Must be because you're fat. I've had *life threatening* medical issues that were completely overlooked by doctors because they just assumed it was weight related.
Yes, and on that note, the reason that I went to the extremely skinny side was because I was very, very sick. Killed me to have people congratulate me on the weight loss considering I was so sick.
I feel this... I was pretty sick ~six years back, but people definitely treated me better as a thin girl.
One old lady I worked with expressed concern for me, when I filled out a little as I was getting better she was overjoyed. I don't work there anymore but I'll always remember Pat. she the real one
Feeling exhausted from doing everyday activities.
The disrespect you receive. Some masked, some explicit
The constant patronization and subhuman treatment - people regard you as fat, and not as a person. The subtle, subconscious patronization that everyone puts you through is the worst. You feel like shit, and end up growing up without real social skill and capacity for conversation because you’ve been patronized and treated like shit all your life