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I literally re-thought about my relationship with my ex when we went to the zoo (I paid for everything, tickets, parking, food, gift shop, etc which all wasn’t cheap) and he had the nerve to say our trip to the zoo was “boring”.


Wasn't my pettiness, but a girl I went on a few dates with wouldn't date me because she wanted to be the "artistic" one in the relationship and she was worried that me being a musician would spoil that for her. Edit: wasn’t real deep into it, it was just a couple of dates. I don’t feel negatively toward her. She was a nice enough person lol. Also, music isn’t my career, more of a passionate hobby. I work in IT by day.


This made me laugh really hard. Sorry that happened


Lmao I laughed too. The funny thing is, she had no artistic talent whatsoever, she just wanted to live an artsy, whimsical life


These people crack me up. A lady I was once neighbors with described herself to me as being "a real hippie." Our bin was always full of her garbage from the Amazon orders she got several times a week. Everything she ate arrived via Skip. She bought a bike once to try to be more green, but when she found one she liked better she bought it. When I asked about buying the old one from her she implied that she had either tossed it off the bridge into the river or dumped it in a ditch somewhere. She wasn't a hippie, she just didn't shave or shower.




this is my favorite comment on the whole thread lmao


This is the pettiness I showed up for. Most of the rest of these are just normal reasons not to date people.


Ugh my ex wanted to make cheese fries so he bought and melted down a block of cheese and… big surprise it didn’t work how he thought it would so he stood in the kitchen yelling “GIVE ME YOUR CREAMY GOODNESS!” as he pushed a giant glob of cheese around with a soggy waffle fry. He didn’t just say it once. He said it for every bite.


Ended things with a guy over various other reasons, but the most annoying was how many times he told me that "He'd leave me for Miranda Lambert in a heart beat". Which okay, I get it some people have a 'list' of celebrities they'd leave their S/O over, mostly as a joke. But this was like everyday, just randomly said not related to the conversations we were having at the time, and he meant it. He made sure I understood that if for some god forsaken reason Miranda Lambert walked in through the front door, I was gone. **Edit:** Thanks for all the comments! I was surprised to read that many people didn't know who she was.. guess I was so familiar with her after hearing about her so often during that relationship, haha!


Funny because this actually happened. The guy that’s married to Miranda Lambert now left his fiancé a while back to date ML


this is so weird. my boyfriend knows that guy lmao, used to work with him before he was in nypd. we were just talking about him the other day. he knew he got married to a celebrity, but didn't know who she was until I told him. we deep dived into it and apparently the chick he left for miranda was like 8 months pregnant. **edited for clarity and shit.**


He was also cheating on another women for the lady he knocked up. Buddy’s a bad apple


yes he was! my bf was telling me when he used to work with him, he had a new chick every week lol. seems he hasn't changed much.


This prompted me to Google this guy to see how hot he must be... Solid 7,5. Is he just really charismatic in person, or something?


That’s probably where the fantasy originated lmao “So you’re saying there’s a chance…”


Pretend all you like that you ended things but we all know Miranda Lambert gave him a call


She wouldn't clear the excess time off the microwave display.


My wife does this! Been married 37 years. We didn't have a microwave when we got married . Drives me up a fucking wall!!


She talks to people like they're a hundred meter away from her




She insisted on hanging out at home. She lived with like 6 people, and they always had friends over. I felt like a bf extra on Friends or Seinfeld.


Yeah this is legit. I would have bounced too.


this is really borderline for me between petty and substantive. I think it would really depend on the vibe there.


My grandparents were very southern. When I was a kid, I spent the night at their house and heard them…wrestling. I heard my grandpa say my grandma’s name, Sarah, but with his accent he said “Ooh Say-ruh!” I met a girl named Sarah who was also southern. When she introduced herself as “Say-ruh” I had to nope out. It just gave me the heebie jeebies.


Rewind to college, me and my friends are out at a bar. My buddy Dave and I are seniors and his sister is a sophomore, and just turned 21 so she's out with us. We are having a good time and look over and his sister is chatting with this guy at the bar. Fast forward an hour or two and they are still talking, except she's basically on his lap and they're making eyes at each other. 1:30, last call, we are getting ready to go and checking to see if she is going home with this guy or coming with us. She's not there. We look around and she's sitting with her girlfriends at a table. We collect her and as we're walking out I ask what happened to the dude. "Turned out his name was Dave. I can't go home with a guy with the same name as my brother." Bro got turned down because of his first name. Savage.


She had the same first name and last name as my grandpa


Pop Pop?




Leslie Nielsen?


Dude you dated your grandpa


Gertrude Flandyke.


“‘cUs sHe TeXteD LiKe dIs! :):):):) :p:p:p:p =))))))”


I did Internet dating for a while before I met my husband, and I have to say, the fact that he wrote in complete sentences with near-perfect spelling and grammar was a real turn-on.


She didn't like museums.


She said I was "too religious", meanwhile she was studying theology at a Christian college. I am not religious.


Inability to form a coherent sentence in text


Such a for the!


This thread is basically plot summaries from Seinfeld.


This was my first thought too. Lol "She smelled like soup".


I’m not single anymore, but I was told I was petty for breaking up with a guy because he had a terrible O face. It was haunting. Horrifying. Like he was simultaneously orgasming and having his dick chopped off.


He wore fake glasses and didn't like vegetables.




Actually pretty popular back when I was in college - depending on how hipster your area is. Some people just think they look better with glasses with their face shape. A lot of the time they're right, honestly. It's still a bit weird.


I almost broke up with a girl when she was trying to be seductive and yanked my book out of my hand and closed it losing my spot.


Ugh. Hated this. She would sleep in Sunday mornings and my bio clock still woke me up are my weekday work time. So I would just catch up on news on Sunday quietly in bed next to her, still cuddling. But if she woke up next to me and saw that I was reading, she would yank it out of my hand and throw a tantrum that I wasn't paying attention to her while she slept. As a bonus, when we were awake, she didn't want me to read the news or books either. She wanted to always talk or do stuff together. I just needed some goddamned me time but she hated that. So I just read constantly around her till she broke up with me.


Pay attention to her while she’s sleeping????? WTAF. The whole point of being awake when someone else is sleeping is to *not* pay attention to them!


I literally can’t imagine not having joint alone time with my partner. Like parallel play but the adult version lol. We do lil “check-ins” every 30mins or so, and sometimes cuddle too, but jeez sometimes you just wanna read/watch YouTube


Whn thy txt wth no vowels Yh Y tho?


She had the feminine version of my name and that’s just too cutesy.


Pierrewomanslappy or Pierremanslappi?




I knew a Casey and a KC that dated in highschool.


I knew a Kelly Kelley that dated a female Kelly. I hope they got married. Kelly and Kelly Kelley.


If my friend had gotten married to his ex years ago, his wife would have been Teri Terry


I know a couple that have the same name (heterosexual couple for clarity’s sake). It’s weird. Like, can you imagine crying out your own name in bed?


It's a bit tough at first, but eventually you get over it. (Source: my gf and I share the same name phonetically.)


"You're so wet, Danni with an I." "Oh, yeah, put it in me, Danny with a Y."


Perfect for narcissist couples.


I had a guy break up with me in high school because God told him to… I was like uh okay guess I can’t argue with that one.


I had the opposite…a guy told me God said I’m his wife. I was like cool cool cool, but he didn’t tell me so…


You'd think god would have at least told you about the plan. So rude.


Was it after sex? I had this experience. We literally just had sex. He hopped out of bed, starts putting on his pants, and says, "God didn't like what we just did. I'm a Christian." I think it's just an excuse.


Same. She gave me a HJ. Next week her dog died. It was god punishing her for the HJ.


She had the same name as my mom.


Haha. Had a bf once who had a sister with my same name. He called me by my middle name instead.


I’ve gone by my middle name my entire life. To the point if someone says my given first name, it takes a time or two for it to register in my head that they’re talking to me and not my dad. Dated a girl who insisted on calling me my first name. For about six months, I assumed she just had a negative association with someone having my middle name- but quite the opposite. Her older brother has my first name. And over that six months I came to understand she has a very close, codependent, weird as fuck relationship with her brother. And after meeting him and realizing we looked physically similar.. bald, tattoos, beard.. I just noped the fuck out.


I’ve gone by my middle name my whole life too. But my great grandmother, my mom and all my sisters and my first names are Mary. So we had to go by our middle names or it would have been even more of a shit show…


I should have been someone who goes by their middle name. I’m named after my dad with the same first, middle, and of course last name, without a jr or second or anything after it. It makes life unnecessarily complicated






My wife and I sometimes start shouting MARTHA! and RACHEL!


My brother in law is married to someone with the same first, middle and now last name as his mum. They've been together 18 years and married for 11 with two kids. My friend is dating someone who has the same name as her brother. Another friend is married to someone who has the nickname version of her name (think Danny and Daniel) and they have the same middle name only the masculine and then feminine spelling (think Ashley and Ashleigh). They have 3 kids and their parents names are basically the same. Also, their first name is the same as mine which was the name my husband was going to be given if he was a girl. Names are great.


I know a Christian married to a Christina who have a son named Christopher. All of their friends call them Chris. In the days where most homes had a single landline telephone it would have been a clusterfuck at that house.


I used to think my parents were especially stupid for naming me Christi when they were Christopher and Kristen and we all went by "Chris" ...kinda horrifying to know there are more people who think making their kid constantly explain their name and who they are *not* every time they introduce themselves isn't a problem.


Live, laugh, love style home decor.


Some just go way too far: https://www.reddit.com/r/ContagiousLaughter/comments/p5820s/live_laugh_love_on_steroids/


And this one https://www.tiktok.com/@memezar/video/7076034470175853830?lang=en


Out of any reply I've seen in this thread, this is the one I get behind the most


Shopping for a house rn and this irritates the fuck out of me. Those single-word signs in the dumb loopy font. Like "GATHER" in the kitchen and "EAT" in the dining room. What, does someone with dementia live there and doesn't remember what the rooms are for?!


Look at it in a different perspective. You can put your GATHER lettering in a dark basement corner full of spiders. Now it's kinda cool. Edit: for everyone saying to put EAT over the bed, that's too much of a low hanging fruit. Put it over the garbage disposal or family pet bed.


EAT above the toilet


She did that thing with her voice where every sentence she said ended with a question mark. Follow-up: Since so many people have asked, she was not Australian. She's American.


I think it's called upspeak


His last name was Fister .


Mister Fister 🤣🤣I can’t


You called?


we’ve summoned him


Me too?


what have we done




oh god they’re everywhere


It's goofy stuff like this that keeps me sane.


It's like a family of fucking Beetlejuices 😂 EDIT: My first time getting 1k! Thank you all and for the couple awards too!


Fister? I barely know her


Weird ears. I've also quit a therapist over this.


Indeed petty.


My wife once told me she couldn't be with someone who wasn't around the same level of intelligence as she. I have no idea how I'm going to keep it a secret that I'm a fucking idiot the rest of our lives.


But here's the thing: If she's a fucking idiot and lacks the self-awareness that would lead her to consider she might be a fucking idiot then she'd find someone of similar intelligence and be content with a fucking idiot such as yourself! So I'd say it worked out!


Lol she's too dumb to realize he's stupid but he's too stupid to realize she's too dumb to realize he's also dumb. Dumbception.


This is legitimately fair though. Girl I dated just out of highschool was nice and all, but just... Pretty dumb. I'm far from a genius, but damn it's a shitty feeling to try and pick words you think they'll understand.


I can't date anyone with lip injections. It felt super unnatural kissing her. Like kissing a baboon with rigor mortis.


I never actually thought about the way lip injections would feel until reading this. Weird.


So you won't date someone with lip injections but you'll kiss a baboon??!??


A dead one too. OP is one sick MF.


She ate pizza with her hands.No, not like you think. She would scoop up the toppings in a messy pile and like a animal, claw them up and eat them then rip the bread and eat it.We were at a fancy italian place and I got horrified.


Did she walk round in a little circle before sitting down?


The Air Bud of Tinder


Wtf. Are you sure she was human?


Definitely 3 Raccoons in a trench coat


Eyes too far apart. All I could think about was Sid from Ice Age.


Years ago I stopped dating someone once I realised he had weird nails. *edited to add - weird as in clubbed fingers - so it was a medical or genetic issues - which makes my 20 year old self a vain biatch asshole!!


I broke up with a pretty hot girl when I was younger because she didn’t swing her arms when she walked. It just looked weird and reminded me of a gorilla. Really stupid reason I know, but it just looked so stupid and I couldn’t overcome it.


nah i get it, my brother doesn't swing his arms AT ALL. doesn't help that he's also super tall and skinny, and in marching band so he's trained to walk super smoothly. so he just glides around like a tall victorian ghost child, but i dont wanna make him self conscious so i say nothing.


My son is 4 and really starting to run like a real boy. Except without swinging his arms. So I tried let him know his arms should swing when he runs. This turned into a wacky waving inflatable arm man that's also running.


Yeah, my 1.5 year old is basically the platonic ideal of "I don't know what to do with my hands" when she walks. It's endlessly entertaining.


You snapped me out of a low mood. Thanks! So funny.


This comment has me cackling on my morning public transit


I also dated a girl in high school who did this. She also, was hot. But I get what you're saying. It's so weird to see. Her arms just hung there off her shoulders like sticks or something. Even when walking up and down stairs. It's a little unsettling.


There was a man on my drive to work who would jog with limp noodle arms hanging down by his sides.


I do that every once in a while on long runs when my arms are getting tired of staying in one position. It always makes me feel like Tina Belcher which is good for a giggle.


I don't know why I'm like this, but only my left arm swings when I walk. I didn't notice it until a physical therapist pointed it out to me. Now sometimes when I think about it, I get self conscious, and have to manually swing it when I walk, which probably looks more awkward lol


I showed a woman The Green Mile and she laughed during Del’s horrific execution. I’d never believed in getting the “ick” until that moment…


Having dated two, I now have a "no nurses" rule.


One of my favorite reddit comments has been "Not all nurses are bitches, but all the bitches you went to HS with are now nurses."


I've met some amazing nurses and some amazing people who are becoming nurses, but I also know some horrible people dead set on becoming nurses. No idea why.


If they have the same name as either of my brothers or my dad lol, no.


Or my best friends ex's name. We have had our fill of Kris Edit to add: I said it below but it's getting lost - Kristopher or Christopher, doesn't matter. We had a few in our lives spelled with a C around the same time so it's a hard pass on all versions.


Didn’t let me drink my beer until she got a picture of everything the waitress had brought out.


My boss's daughter's ex bf broke up with her because they had a Dyson and he said he wouldn't be able to keep up with her extravagant lifestyle.


This is the most George Costanza thing I've ever heard.


I can’t do it Jerry! Today it’s a Dyson but who know what it could be tomorrow. Trips to Monaco. Rolls Royces. I can’t do it Jerry!


Maybe a trip to Tuscany.


No...there's nothing available. All booked.


My wife has a Dyson, a Kitchen Aid stand mixer, and a Louis Vuitton purse. That guy was right - it's a steep hill to climb.


Minions. Really hit it off and couldn’t look past the love of minions. Can’t stand em.


Was she a 42 year old office manager? There's something about middle aged women in office environments that brings out a love for minions. Printing out the memes and hanging them in their office is the highlight for me, personally.


In the back of their mind, they realize we are all just corporate worker drones and isn't that what minions are? Subconsciously relating to them and sharing with the other drones, sort of like how before that the tackboard was full of Dillbert cartoons.




What do you do in your free time? "Usually I sit on the couch and just stare at the wall. Sometimes I lay in bed and stare at the ceiling if I feel like mixing things up"


Someone told me they didn't have hobbies so i asked if they watch TV or listen to music and they said "i don't like music"


Yes, their only hobby...is **you**!


Oh that's a red flag for me.


They are aspiring to be a social media influencer.


They asked for petty reasons, not legit ones.


She said i drove slow on our date. She likes men that live "dangerously" It snowed heavily while we were at a fancy dinner. I was in my father's car because I had just gotten back from Iraq. She called me a week later, I said I need a woman that is more down to earth.


>I had just gotten back from Iraq If you're taking about being in the military that sounds pretty dangerous to me.


should have taken her to work with him, lol


People who take high risk low reward actions end up as Darwin Award winners and MLM victims.


He ate with closed fists around his utensils like a toddler and his face right up to his food like someone was going to steal it.


Sounds like an ex-con more than anything else


My friend who I hired right out of jail did this and ate over the sink at hyper speed . Like a raccoon getting caught in a trash can


I once stayed with distant relatives on their farm. I actively tried to race them at meal times and only managed to get half way through a meal at best by the time they were all done. It was actually incredible.


I know someone who was “trained” by their uncle who was ex-military, having survived Vietnam. They HAD to eat fast. They, also, had to hide in the woods & if he could find them, he would beat them. He just wanted the best for them.


War does some fucked up stuff to people.


Now I'm just picturing a man who lost friends because they weren't as good at hide and seek and expected another great conflict to force his children into another unprepared situation.


Prison or big family with lots of older siblings and/or minimal food. I have a buddy with 5 older brothers who eats like this. I actually made a joke about it the first time he came over for dinner and said something like, “easy, man, we’re not gonna steal your food!” (And I wasn’t being a dick. I genuinely thought he was doing some kind of caveman impression to be funny.) He explained that growing up, his older siblings would steal his food right off his plate, so he always protected it and shoveled it in as fast as he could. Edit: changed first sentence to include “and/or.”


Went on a date with a girl and at the end we went to kiss. She attacked my face like a zombie trying to eat my brain. It was like the worst, cheesiest porn kiss. I finally had to grab her head and hold it still to get a decent kiss in, but I couldn't go through with it again and had to bail on her.


She had a hyperrealistic Joaquin Phoenix Joker tattoo on her thigh. It was well done and looked great, but idk.


White spittle gathering at the edge of the mouth. I can forgive or overlook a lot of things, but that’s an instant turnoff. Edit: Every day is a school day! Apparently this can be a sign of dehydration or linked to another condition I’ve seen called Angular Cheilitis.


bro you're dating people with rabies


No they're not, rabies is a turn-off for them


To anyone who suffers from this; you're probably dehydrated.


I dated a guy and he pulled out Sudafed nasal spray. Said he had bad sinuses. I too had Sudafed and bad sinuses. Decided to cut it short so as to not breed the chronic rhinitis


As someone with chronic rhinitis, thank you for considering the potential offspring. Fuck nasal sprays


I dated a woman who would always write everything using text abbreviations, e.g. "I want 2B with U 2nite BB"... texts, emails, cards, notes, everything she wrote that I saw for the 2+ years we were together was written like this, and she was late 20s at the time. It low-key bothered me whenever I would see this. I was ashamed that I felt this way because it seemed super petty, and I never said anything about it. I felt that mentioning it to her would only make her feel pressured to change something that she clearly enjoyed doing, and that was to her a sign of familiarity and affection! Towards the end of our relationship I got a more serious email from her and it was written in a normal, grown-up way. It was so damn refreshing to read that email... even though we were about to break up (for other reasons) I felt for the first time that I was communicating with an adult!


I didn't like the way she ate a grilled cheese sandwich. There were more reasons, but this was the deal breaker.


How did she eat it?!


Friends with voices that annoy me.


Had this happen once. We connected on so many stinking levels. I was infatuated, so was she. Everything went right- from the conversations, the first meetup, the humor, the chemistry- I was *waaaaay* out of my league physically there, super exciting. But her voice. Especially over the phone. It's not even that it was high pitched or nasally, there was just something about it where I either couldn't understand or it was like...*offensive?* to my ears. I'd constantly be asking her to repeat herself or I'd just try and block out the...frequency? Can't describe it. I tried to date her for a long time but that never went away. Eventually I was able to pivot it into a friendship (we're still pals) but yeah. Frustrated the poor girl. I could never date her long term because the pitch... Supposedly it's a thing some ppl have towards public figures, politicians, and the like sometimes too. I dunno, kind of a bummer for something so small but there was no getting past it.


My wife sounds like my ex wife. But only over the phone. We never had a phone conversation for the first several months of dating. And when we did I got this really weird vibe and took me a while to pin point it. For clarity it was about 5-6 years being divorced before dating my current wife.


chews with their mouth open


Open mouth chewing bothers me so much I have to leave the room. So does chewing ice. But in addition, when people eat with silverware and scrape it against their teeth when they pull it out kills me.


She had a large tattoo of a half-zombie girl on her back. When doing her from behind it'd feel like the tattoo's eyes were on me the whole time and it gave me the creeps, it's one of the very few moments were I felt like I needed to make up an excuse to peace out. It was hard af actively trying not to lose my erection when that happened, so no regrets about weaseling my way out.


That reminds me of a woman I met at a wedding once. She was a massive fan of Michael Jackson and wanted a full back piece of his face. Her bf dumped her bc he "didn't wanna be raw dogging it from behind and making eye contact with the king of pop"


Can't blame him to be honest, I can absolutely imagine hearing a high pitched *hee-hee* during each thrust, and thus losing my shit every time. Couldn't do it!


This is exactly the sort of content I clicked for! All these posts are talking about major compatibility stuff.... No man, I asked for PETTY


I had a similar experience, but the girl had a dinner-plate size tattoo of the Sublime shroom face logo on her back. She also had about 400 empty vape cartridges in her car. Center console looking like the Great Pacific Garbage Patch


If they say pacific when they mean specific.




If their Instagram is nothing but selfies, especially if they’re striking the same pose in every shot. I had a match like that and it honestly creeped me out.


Or the same facial expression in every pic. That creeps me out big time.


They are deathly allergic to nuts. The idea of never having Nutella or Snickers again- or risk killing my partner with a kiss- is too much.


As someone who has this, it's appreciated that you think of things like that. I got really sick because my partner forgot and ate some kind of a a peanut chocolate bar at work and we kissed and I had to go to the ER, whoops lol


She annoyed the shit out of me (actually the reason why I broke it off). I figured she just was like that because of nerves, but as time progressed, it just got worse. I felt like I had to apologize to everyone she spoke to because of how cringy she was. I was too embarrassed to introduce her to my family because of that. She was otherwise a really wonderful person, kind, caring, and generous. She just said things like “haha you mangy sombitch” when joking around with me or my friends. I feel utterly horrible that I broke things off with her, but every time she spoke, it was like nails on a chalkboard to me. I didn’t feel like it was fair to her to date someone who felt like that towards her. We have mutual friends and she still tells them that she’s very confused as to why I broke things off with her. She’s been single ever since. I feel like a douchebag even now writing this out.


I dated a cringeworthy guy once. He constantly embarrassed me by being awkward and trying way too hard. He even made my mum cringe and that’s BAD cos she likes to give everyone a chance. He was a kind, sensitive soul and I felt guilty for dumping him. Well it turned out he was extremely obsessed and still to this day harrasses me and sends gifts. I didn’t feel so bad after he threatened me.


I booked economy class for a 1h flight. She cried because she never felt so cheap.


I am broke


The tiles on his bathroom floor were too extravagant


Her favourite song was "The Shape of You" by Ed Sheeran


Hahaha I don't know why but this is the funniest one yet to me. I'm imagining like 15 minutes into first date you ask her what her favorite song is and she says that and you just stand up and walk away without saying anything else lol


I instantly noped out of an otherwise fine blind date when she ordered apple juice - off menu - at a fancy restaurant. 19-year-old me only knew apple juice as a toddler's drink, and I just couldn't get past it. I'm no longer that petty. But I did make the mistake of mentioning this to my wife once, many years ago. And she now makes a habit of ordering apple juice whenever we're at a fancy restaurant, just to see if I squirm.


Your wife is great.


It's the off menu part that gets me


"I know you motherfuckers got some apple juice back there!"


Someone who talks incessantly. I dated a guy who bitched and moaned that he didn’t talk to his friends or his family because they “didn’t listen” - he was very limited when speaking to them. (They were dicks anyway, especially his dad.) Anyway, I spent a lot of time with this guy, and had a lovely time for the most part, but after some months went by the talking became so burdensome I could barely stand it. I don’t mean 5 minute monologues about a shitty day, either. I’m talking about 2 hours worth of just… blather. Talking about nothing and everything. Frenetic. Frantic. Fucking talking my ear off with no regard for me getting a word in edgewise. Absolutely exhausting. I still refer to him as “the emotional vampire”. He could suck the fun out of a room faster than anyone I’ve ever met. Edit: words are hard


Adding ketchup to tacos …


You would have hated my Dad (don't worry, he's dead) because he used to put ketchup, mustard, mayo and relish on his. In addition to salsa and sour cream. An absolute maniac he was.


This reminds me of my uncle. If something isn't a cake, he orders it with six additional portions of mustard or completely smothers it in black pepper - I mean, like an actual sarcophagus of pepper. I don't know what's going on with his tastebuds, but there's probably a PhD waiting to be written.


If they call it Valentime's Day