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Sounds horrible


None of my business if you want to jump into a lifelong commitment with someone you only know on a surface level.


Literally surface level!


Well making sure that you have a healthy sexual relationship with your partner seems like a good idea. And well you don't really know what your sexuality is like if you aren't trying things out When I say sexuality I don't mean your preferences I mean like everything how do you react to sex. Where does it put you emotionally? It's something that I think should be looked at and explored like any other aspects of an individual. Holding off when you naturally want to explore seems like it could be negative and be even more so if you don't explore your curiosity until much later on with a person who you don't know how you mesh with in that realm.


It might make you motivated to get married just to have sex instead of for more important and better reasons.


I 100% know some people that did this


You do you, if that’s what you want. But don’t force anyone else into doing the same.


It’s very outdated and won’t work out how u want it to


Nah don’t see the point either. Just promote safe sex instead.


yes exactly!!


Sex should be fun, not connected to guilt and silly rules. I sincerely wished everyone could have a truly pleasant experience of sex


Silly idea, it's better to make sure you're sexually compatible


Fuck that.


It's not a good idea because you are setting yourself up to miss out on so many different experiences. Tomorrow is never promised.


The problem is . What if they smell to much for you not “stink just smell to much. What if you want 2-3 times a day but they can only do 2-3 times a year.


If you want to sure but I want to know if I am sexually compatible with someone before we get married.


My parents did. It doesn't seem to lead to good outcomes.


My parents did too. It led to a pretty good outcome It just depends on the people and how they go about it. Sorry to hear about your parents tho


That's awesome for you! But honestly, yours is the first case I have heard of such, so I would say it's the exception, rather than the rule.


Mine too. Excellent relationship all the way into their 70’s. Then there’s me. 19 years & I honestly don’t think a better relationship is possible.


I wouldn’t say that it is an exception, because I know a large amount of people who waited until marriage. And most are happy in those marriages. Your experiences don’t determine the norm. Neither do mine lol, but at least I acknowledge that there are both possibilities


Sure. ok


Actually you have no idea what you speak of as data does not support your assertion at all


Was just talking about my experience, and said so in my mesage. I never claimed to have referenced any data.


“You would say it’s an exception rather than a rule” You can say that all you want, but you are absolutely wrong.


What does data support?


“Women with 10 or more partners were the most likely to divorce, but this only became true in recent years; Women with 3-9 partners were less likely to divorce than women with 2 partners; and, Women with 0-1 partners were the least likely to divorce.”


The less sexual partners a woman has the less likely she is to get divorced. Imagine that


Yes and no. The statistics you provided are accurate but the assertion that fewer partners = less likely to be divorced isn’t entirely true. There is a strong correlation between low divorce rates and 0 premarital sexual partners, but the divorce rate is pretty consistent for people who have had between 1 and 9 partners. It then notably rises for those with 10+ premarital sexual partners. As someone who didn’t grow up religious, I don’t have much insight as to how the Church views divorce, but my most educated guess is that it’s is frowned upon. I think it would be really interesting if we could measure the level of happiness between all of these types couples — those who abstained from sex before marriage, those who were curious, and those who were available to all. I wonder if the religious group is happier than the rest or if they stay together out of a feeling of necessity.


stupid, no reason to do it, there is zero value in virginity, and frankly inexperience can ruin a relationship because lack of communication is a big problem early on in people's sexual lives


So can promiscuity ruin relationships 😂


where did I say anything about that? you took my statement to the extreme other end, thus turning it into a strawman and then ridiculed it.


How does it feel to be so wrong? Multiple studies say the exact opposite of the nonsense you are espousing “Women with 10 or more partners were the most likely to divorce, but this only became true in recent years; Women with 3-9 partners were less likely to divorce than women with 2 partners; and, Women with 0-1 partners were the least likely to divorce.”


Again. I did not say anything about having many partners. I said inexperience can ruin relationships easily. 10 or more is too high for most people. Also, you can't just pull a quote out of your ass to win an argument. I'm gonna need the link to the article you are quoting. Oh, and things like 'most likely', 'less likely' and 'least likely' mean nothing to me, what are the percentages? And again, it doesn't matter what you reply with, it matters what it says in the study, which you didn't link.


Copy and paste is a wonderful tool


Not divorcing doesn't mean that the relationship is healthy, happy or working...not at all.


I mean obviously it does mean it’s working and relatively healthy and happy to some degree. The western world makes it so easy to divorce and almost incentivizes it. So yea that is a reliable statistic


Just because it's legally easy it doesn't mean that it's not a huge deal for the couple. Just from the top off my head I can think off 5 married couples who should divorce/should have divorced earlier. (Including my parents, grandparents on my father's side, and my best friends parents so yes, they are close enough for me to see it properly.) Finding a toxic and horrible marriage is so easy. Yes, that's reliable statistic ABOUT DIVORCE, but not about happiness. If you want that's answer you have to ask that question, that's how statistics work.


At that point it is a self inflicted choice of which I have little to no sympathy for 🤷🏻‍♂️


Your wedding night will be the most disappointing thing ever, since you will not be good at see but expectations for it will be so high, that it will impossible for it to be anything but a disappointment.


I can just imagine how awkward it would be based on how horribly bad (but still amazing) those first 5 seconds was for me in a normal setting


My wedding night was actually my first time. We slowly undressed each other. She smiled and started gently handling it. Then she said she wanted us to take a bath and we washed each other. Then we made love three times before falling asleep. I don’t know how, but I lasted a good 15 min that first time. I awoke a couple hours later as she was mounting me and she rode me til I was spent. We fell asleep again and made love again in the morning. There’s something special about fondly remembering my first time 18+ years ago, then looking to my right & there she is in bed next to me.


My sister is trying to do this and my parents told me they would want me to do it too. I was never a fan of it and too bad they told me this with 18y/o and not with 15y/o before i had my first time. I dont really think that its possible in these times to find a partner who is okay with this. And if you want to find one, you only have a small proportion of the population to choose from


I wouldn't advice this. If you really want to add an essential thing to your relationship when you already made the relationship permanent and it turns out to be horrible, then you've made it both of you unnecessarily hard. And with gay/lesbian people like me it would make even less sense: those rules were made up by the ones hating us, so please, experiment before marriage!


You do you


Gay + ratio


i was extraordinarily grateful that the person i married had been at least as slutty as i had been before marriage. We both new what we liked and the confidence to share that with each other and we both brought an array of skills to the party.


Sex is another form of communication and relationships first of all need communication. Plus the bond getting stronger.


This just sounds like either inability to get laid or religious indoctrination


It’s like buying a car… You should probably test drive it before you buy it, just sayin..


I Did it. I don’f think it’s necessary in the way it was told to me that it was. If you want to, fine. But you don’t have to and sexual compatibility is key in a long term relationship, so it would seem irresponsible to sign paperwork without having ensured full compatibility.


Dumb. It sounds great but sexual compatibility is important and finding out you’re not compatible after you’re married is a great way to realize that this marriage isn’t going to work for you


Bad idea. Not having sex will colour your opinion of the other person. If you want to find a suitable marriage partner, you need to test that person by pretending you are in an actual marriage, so that when you do marry, very little changes and you can continue in your life.


That sounded like a shitty idea when I was a kid but now with several decades of life experience behind me it doesn’t sound so bad. You’re essentially saving yourself for the one person that truly matters. Maybe I am just romanticizing the idea. I don’t know. Don’t be in a hurry to just lose it with anybody is all I would say.


How’s a virgin going to get a girl to marry him in this day and age? You have to go through the whole living together thing. Then getting a pet. Then the first house then the marriage. What on earth are they going to do in the meantime?


For the right reason it is good


Abstaining from sex until marriage probably isn't for most people, but I imagine some people would feel their marriage was more special if both people waited.


You do you boo boo


It probably started as a bargaining chip for dowery.


That is entirely your call. In today's world, it will be difficult (not impossible) to find somebody with the same values. There is no shame in being a virgin until marriage. My now wife and I were each other's first prior to marriage. Many people see that as valuable since its a sign you take relationships (including sex) seriously.


r/christianmarriage is a good insight into what it might be like and it sounds absolutely horrendous most of the time. Obviously not all people who wait for marriage are religious but still a good look in


That's stupid as fuck. Imagine going to have sex for the first time on your wedding night and your partner has extremely large or small genitals.


If you wanna do it, do it. If not, don’t. But make sure it’s 100% your decision.


You better drive it before you buy it.


Sounds good. Men are too promiscuous these days, with all the video games, trap cosplay, and milf hentai. In the old days men were much more pure and obedient.


Sex is amazing and marriage is an archaic institution that’s mostly about assets and tax breaks. The idea that sex and marriage should be inextricably linked is mostly about social control, and an underlying presupposition in a country like the US where abortions and prophylactics are illegal, stigmatized, or access to them is otherwise constrained. Approach sex and everything else in life like as responsible adult: be knowledgeable of the risks and prepared for the possible consequences.


I think it’s heavily underrated.


Why ? If i may ask


There are too many instances where people hook up and they get an STI. Just because there’s knowledge of safe sex doesn’t mean people will use it. People can and have gone as far as manipulate or straight up lie about their health just to have sex. Better to marry someone that you know deeply on a personal level and have sex with them than to have sex with a complete stranger or even a bf/gf that you either don’t know or barely know.


I respect everyone's decision since sex is a really personal thing so I would never judge someone for doing it... BUT I think it's not just outdated but harmful. And trying to push it to others is even more harmful especially if they are kids or teens. So I kinda look at it as I look at smoking I don't judge people who smoke but I don't do it and don't encourage it.