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Dr_Sodium_Chloride

Get yourself a hobby; something that gets you out of the house, and seeing people regularly. Alternatively, if you're so inclined, find yourself something like a Discord server or an online friend group (this is especially useful if you live rurally). If you build these habits, you'll build human connections, especially if you find a group to do an activity with weekly; it's hard to do something every week with a group of people and *not* make friends. It also helps to have something to look forward to; the lonely days aren't as lonely if you can go "Okay, at least I'll see my D&D group/book club/swim team/etc on Sunday". I can't promise you'll immediately click and make a best friend on your first event, but you'll be a lot further along the road of establishing yourself a proper support/socialising network. Take care of yourself. You deserve companionship.


BrockenSpecter

I expect ill die sometime before my 50s, either by my own hand or just by things getting progressively worse in the world.


sadimgnik5

My wife has breast cancer. I have to remain positive and upbeat, for her sake - she's going through enough. The chemotherapy is going really well, and the surgeon and oncologist both tell us that the prognosis is good, but .. Sometimes in the middle of the night I wake up absolutely terrified, and can't breathe until I hear her move. Intellectually, I know that things will almost certainly be all right. We have great medical care, in a first world country, and the cancerous mass has now shrunk so much it would be near-undetectable if we didn't know where it was. But deep down in my monkey brain I am a gibbering simian wanting to lash out at the world.


Eleven77

This actually made me tear up. I just found out I have breast cancer, and my husband has been even more supportive than I could have ever imagined. He wipes my tears, always knows what to say, and never lets me get stuck on anything for too long...but deep down inside, I know he's hurting too. I try to love on him and give him the same support he gives me. You are amazing and exactly what your wife needs ❤️


ColdGirl

Breast cancer has one of the best prognosis of all the cancers. My MIL is over 60 and was diagnosed with stage 4 in both breasts 2 years ago. Chemo and surgery were rough but she is fully in remission now. She was never the type of person that looked after her health and the treatment was scary and tough but if she can get through it so can your wife. Don’t forget to take care of yourself as well. Carers fatigue is real and can sneak up on you.


Fight_kat102

I wish I wasn't my divorced parents counselor, I'm their oldest they love to let me know just how shitty one another is, just trying to lower the opinion of the other. I'm just tired of it... (Edit) This post reached 1K upvotes, which is way more than I've ever had on any post. Thanks to all of you who reached out and left advice for me, I spoke with my parents, and it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off of my chest thank you all again. 😁


Nouveau_Depart

My loving caring gorgeous husband of 10 years is a raging closet alcoholic, but so well functioning during the day or in public that no one else knows. Not his friends or his parents or my family.


deiner7

My grandfather was like that. Would down a bottle of rum then go to his job as an engineer. He got cancer and passed away when I was young. I think he was my only extended family member who actually loved me. I miss him a lot.


soyeahhereiam

That I'm actually really lonely and that I don't know how to reach out to people


NoNewNameJoe

You’re not alone in this regard


jcooli09

Irony


LukasFilmsGER

Tired that yesterday on r/meetpeople, fell for a bot and the bot ghosted me without even really trying to scam me...


Rin-Osaka018

I always feel this odd sense of detachment. And I feel like I have no motivation because I'll never succeed at my goals. I feel like all I do is disappoint or get in people's nerves. I knows it's primarily a self esteem/anxiety issue, but it sucks sometimes.


theRevvB

I felt this way my entire life; then my therapist suggested I get tested for ADHD. Bingo. Have you been tested for it? Getting answers and medication changes everything. Edit: I was diagnosed last year at 29. Since then, I’ve lost 40 pounds - completely changed my habits, and delved down a self development path that is bringing up possible career changes as well. Not everyone will have my experience. But getting diagnosed at the minimum was a massive mental health shift simply by giving language and community to what I was feeling.


frozen_flame99

Yea I never knew this till I saw it online one day, I had a few other tells of adhd, so I brought it up to my parents saying, I think I have adhd, they said "YOU THINK" that's the day I found out I've lived 22 years of my life having everyone around me but me knowing I have adhd...


the_real_marauders4

So…they all knew and no one got you help? I got diagnosed at the beginning of the year at 30 yo and medication has made such a huge difference in my ability to just function normally in life.


AdamtheFirstSinner

It was *I* who clogged the loading dock toilet at work last weekend


JCXIII-R

Shoulda brought your poop knife.


kindquail502

Penalty for not having your poop knife is to be beaten with jumper cables.


Kquinn87

I shat my pants at a concert from a fart. I ended up driving home, showering, changing, then ended up getting back to the concert just as it ended to drive friends back home. When they asked where I was I just told them I lost them in the crowd and that the concert was awesome. Thankfully I didn't fart in the car on the way home. Edit: Glad to hear so many other ~~underwear~~ heart warming shart stories from everyone else. Keep em coming! Edit 2: For those wondering what band it was I actually don't remember. I didn't know who they were, I just tagged along at the last minute. It was also 12 years ago.


anonimus_usar

As much as it probably sucked, it’s a great feeling when you’re able to cover up the unwanted excretion and nobody finds out. Almost feels like an achievement, haha.


KevinTheSeaPickle

Like the time I got drunk and spilled red Coolaide all over the place... The years I worked in carpet cleaning came in very handy, and while I felt bad/learned a lesson, it felt hella good to be able to make it look like it never happened.


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KevinTheSeaPickle

It's a shitty knock-off brand. My folks didn't even think I was Kool enough growing up for the real stuff lmao


UndeadSalad

Dad comes home with koolaid. "Are you kool enough son?" "I think so..." "Think again fucker!" Starts making pitcher after pitcher of coolaide in front of his crying son. Edit: My first ever awards! Thank you kind strangers :D


0rangePolarBear

Pre-Covid days, My stomach was killing me toward the end of my workday. I hate using public bathrooms so I tried holding it. I have a 2 hour commute home btw. I first got up the subway and questioned if I should just go back to my office and bite the bullet. My pain passed, and got on the subway. Transferred and went into my 2nd subway. Made it to train station and now on my train ride home (approximately an hour). Stomach was killing me so I’m essentially just have my head between my legs, in pain, sweating, holding everything in because train bathroom is disgusting. I made it off the trade. Walk in pain to the parking garage. In the elevator, I get off at my floor, I see my car! I’m walking as fast I can but I can barley walk. Boom!! My stomach released in my pants. Made it to my car, drove home. Wife wasn’t home yet (when she always is) and went to the bathroom and then cleaned my suit pants. I learned my lesson that day and learned to poop at work.


cheesecrystal

I was in the UP in MI with my wife. We hiked about a mile to see a waterfall. I started to take a video, while doing so I trusted a fart that in shouldn’t have. I can be heard on the recording calmly saying, “babe we gotta go.” She asks why. I casually reply,” just shit my pants.” We were amongst 30 or so strangers, most of whom heard me. My wife was laughing so hard she couldn’t breathe, she laughed for the entire mile. It was pretty fucking funny, never thought I could have so much fun shifting my pants.


Jojo2700

I think a lot of the staircases around the different waterfalls get peoples' GI systems moving, lol. My cousin had to run behind a pit toilet at one and go.


cheesecrystal

My issue was a particular hot dog shop that I frequented daily for about a week. As I waddled back through the wooded trail to the bathrooms at the trail head I couldn’t wait to clean my dirty ass. As I approached the bathroom I noticed caution tape on the door, I figured they’re probably cleaning, so I ducked the tape as this was urgent. Entering the bathroom I quickly realized the tape was construction tape, there were no sinks, no toilets, just a lone drywall guy. I looked him in the eye and in a defeated voice exclaimed, “fuck, man.”, turned around a sulked out to again find my wife struggling to breathe. Luckily there was a very nice and clean handicap port-a-potty where I cleaned up and deserted my underpants.


briskettacos

One time my wife and I were driving my son’s friend “Little Sean” back to his house after hanging out at our house playing video games. He was probably 12/13 at the time, a little chubby, and liked to wear trenchcoats no matter how hot it was. He also didn’t talk much to adults. He was kind of a miniature Silent Bob. Anyway, my son and Little Sean were in the backseat when all the sudden we were hit with a revolting smell and couldn’t figure out if it was a sewer line or what. We rolled down the windows and held our breath until we dropped off LS. He got out and went inside and the smell went with him. Turns out Little Sean shat himself in the backseat and never said a fucking word.


OptionalDepression

Little Sean, Big Stench


jscole2

I shit my pants a month ago while driving to my sisters house to meet my newborn nephew. Felt embarrassed at first but decided to just tell them when I got there. Copped a free pair of my brother-in-laws Calvin Kleins though, so you win some, you lose some


MortLightstone

I used to work at this restaurant and about halfway through the night, this waitress just shows up and the chefs are like, hey, what a surprise to see you and she just casually says, yeah, I got stuck in traffic and shat myself. Was wearing a bodysuit, so I had to drive home, shower, change and drive back. That's why I'm two hours late. Then she just casually went back to work.


remixologist

A fucking legend.


remixologist

You just shit your pants in solidarity with the newborn. Makes perfect sense.


xchakrumx

My partner and I did long distance for a while several years ago. As we were saying goodbye at the car before I drive back home after a visit I, in the drivers seat, shit my pants a little with a fart. I don’t think the fancy dinner we’d had agreed with me and it was truly heinous lol. He was doing the totally cutesy “bye I love you” then running back to window for another kiss act and I was like “I HAVE TO GO” -before he smells it- and like sped off but I don’t think he ever realized. Had to change my underwear in a gas station bathroom before the rest of the drive. He definitely was very confused why I suddenly wanted to jet lol This is my greatest secret lmao


Absolomb92

Just how insecure I am about myself and how much i care about what other think of me. Edit: Thank you for all the support! The funny part is how alot of the great advice I get here is advice I have given other insecure people before. Somehow it is just so much harder to apply such things to oneself even when we see it in others.


sainsa

One thing I realized as I got older is that LOTS of people are insecure, and afraid of being judged. That means te odds are pretty good that anyone you are worrying about is too self-absorbed to actually think poorly of you - they are too busy worrying about their own insecurities to notice yours!


DickWrangler420

Literally. Whenever I call myself fat and gross to my therapist, she asks if I would call someone else that. Obviously, I say no. Then she says, if you see someone that you believe fits your definition of "fat" walking down the street, what do you think of them? The answer is nothing. I'm not looking at other people and I really don't care how they look. It's not even a non-judgmental thing. It's just me being self-absorbed and lacking compassion. I just literally don't think or look at other people around me.


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thefartingmango

I not sure if this is insensitive but that is a little funny


Star_x_Child

I think this is more common than people think. I have a couple of friends who are in a long term relationship. She's a total jerk, but particularly to him. But from the way it's been explained, he's into it. I don't know if he is sexually, but he likes the way she talks to him. Funny, because last time my wife was around her she tried the same thing with me and it ended our night early when I told her to stop acting like a brat. XD


NeverlandEnding

I work in mental health. I'm no better than my patients are Eta: I'm not ashamed of it. Everyone struggles. I just worry I'm helping in the best way when some nights I'm barely keeping it together Edit 2: thank you all for the kind words and awards, it has been very healing to read that I'm not alone or judged for this. For context, I work in a psych hospital. I love my job, and it's hard


MzOpinion8d

Sometimes the only thing that separates us from the patients is the desk.


Maybesometimes69

My Ma always said "you don't know to look behind the door unless you've hidden there before"


Raspberry_Sweaty

I work inpatient psych; our standing joke when one of us is having a tough day is that we are on the wrong side of the door.


RandomGoatYT

God damn this is a good saying, thank you.


wishitwouldrainaus

Details about all of my life, as an old woman now. The childhood sexual and physical abuse, suicide and murder in my family, my drug addictions, the things I did to fund them, mental health problems throughout my life, domestic violence throughout my 18 year marriage and having to find the courage to leave it. Finding strength. Excelling at work. Having experienced some wonderful loves. Now its my terminal illness and disability and pain. I will never meet or converse with the people I share bits with but doing it is twofold. I'm still alive, no matter how horrendous life is, it is always possible to change either it or yourself. Life can still have very beautiful moments or seasons, even in dark times. Nobody owes you anything. You don't owe anybody anything. Dont quit because of how somebody else sees or treats you. My end is as bloody hard as the rest of my time on this planet. My second reason is purely selfish. I want to put my small thoughts out there, to see some anonymous words on a site that will be forgotten by tomorrow by those that take the time to read them. A bonus is maybe I can offer a little hope, confidence or drive to those that have none. Thats it.


TheLurkerWithout

I’m glad I scrolled down far enough to see this. I’m sorry your life was filled with such suffering, and it’s admirable that you can still see the beauty in life. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and I’m sorry about your illness.


brownidegurl

I read your words. It's true that I might forget them, but I might remember them, too. I'm sure many more people will remember you and the positive impact you had on their life.


sexymozzerella

That my friends from highschool are still the closest thing I have to friends even though we talk maximum once or twice a year and they’ve all moved on by now


wanderingproteincake

I feel you. It was so difficult making new friends after I got out of Uni. I miss those days where friends just hang out together all the time.


brutal_survivor

Felt the same way for years after college. Finally tried some of the friend finder apps (bumble bff, meetup), and met some awesome people over the past couple of months!


SlavBoy_

I once saw a very good tip how to deal with that, sadly I can’t give credit to this person. Now here is what I can say: You make friends by having habits. You make friends in school because you see them nearly every day. Try find something where you can go frequently and after some time you meet new people who go there frequently too. You talk to them and get to know them better. I tried that and it works. I hope you can manage to achieve that too ;) (Sry for bad English I hope you understand what I’m trying to say) Edit: Thank you all for the kind responses and thank you for the reward! I hope I was able to inspire someone :)


Perry7609

Absolutely. For me, going to concerts and seeing specific bands more than a few times has helped in this department immensely. I’ve met a number of close or occasional friends that way!


ThatAltAccount99

Friends, it's so hard to make any real connections now and idk why


textile1957

It was easier when we were all kids with nothing going on in our lives and we were all equally dumb/smart. As you get older you form your identity around your beliefs and one day you wake up and your friend is a flat earther


iheartxanadu

Whenever anyone starts a story with "Someone I knew in high school posted ... " I know I'm about to hear some good nonsense.


emperorscorpion

I never learned to ride a bike


beepboop45510

I’m not happy. I just pretend to be because it’s easier and there’s no guilt


HellVollhart

Same bro. Although I’ve been having a better time since I stopped chasing things that made me feel happy and started chasing things that made me feel alive.


IWishIWasOdo

See you space cowboy


Megaric

I literally read his comment in spike’s voice, glad I’m not the only one lol


markmcn87

.........Like the thrill of murder?


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RevolutionaryAd5109

I was the family wonder child who turned into the family disappointment


ItsACaragor

Maybe the problem was your family making you the wonder child in the first place. It is an unfair burden to put on anyone, let alone a child.


Abrahamlinkenssphere

Above average intelligent children are special needs. No I’m not talking about autism or anything like that, they just have special needs. They have a problem with engagement usually and later motivation. Tend to get bored with subject matter and coast and then think “this is what life is for an intelligent person, lab coat here I come!” And then slowly, but too late, they realize how the world actually works, usually after their opportunities for early advanced education have passed. The world is crawling with these people. Edit: i love you all. It’s hard to keep up with all the replies but I appreciate you all reaching out and I hope I was able to offer at least a smile to those who reached out to me. Young people: keep at it and believe in yourself. Don’t settle for less. Parents: keep your kids engaged and try hard to keep up with them so you can stay involved. Get them into an extracurricular so they can see school has worth outside of hard learning. Kindred spirits: hang in there, somehow we can make a life out of this thing yet. Band together however you can. Start or join a club and nurture it and watch amazing people come from everywhere.


RegretChael

Fuck, this is me. Kept hearing the "you are so smart" all my childhood so I never bothered to work hard and rather get the low hanging fruit for praise. Now I'm in my dream college and major and getting destroyed, with all of my friends graduating and I haven't even moved past second semester courses. I even took a Raven's test recently from my therapist and i scored 95%+, so I'm in fact not dumb at all, but it seems that intelligence alone only takes you so far but it's really hard and bothersome to learn hard work from scratch. And the worst part is that even though I's so hard and I've been stuck with second semester for like 5 actual semesters now, I know that if i quit I'll never find a better opportunity again.


Eiroth

100% same. Just keep falling into the same pitfalls again and again...


Fractorc

This is a conversation i’ve had with my brother, most people in life reach a point where they figure out they can’t rely on their talents/skills alone and need to put in the work to get to where they want to be. Hey, i’m going through it now studying for my masters degree. Shit’s rough but that realisation will pull you forward. Best of luck!


flowerpotss

i am genuinely happy and content with my life. i don’t tell people often because at this point in time that honestly feels like a brag


Artaxerxes812

Congratulations! Do you have any advice for those of us who haven't achieved that?


flowerpotss

treat life not as something you’re forced to go through, treat it as a gift you get to experience once. don’t let go of the people who care about you. keep them close and don’t forget about them, even if it’s easy to. slow down at least once day and just take in your surroundings. the grass, the birds, the people passing by who all have their own lives and stories. forget about the grand scheme of things and focus on these tiny parts of life. also, and this was a big one for me: DONT PASS UP ON OPPORTUNITIES. try it at least once. if it’s not for you, that’s fine, but you’ll spend the rest of your life regretting it if you don’t.


laitnetsixecrisis

My husband died of lung cancer 9 months ago, he battled very hard and survived for 16 months after being told he had 6. I was so proud of him, he was my rock and my true love. But, I am not as sad as people assume I should be. A song comes on the radio that he would sing to me, and I will pull over and cry, but I've read other peoples accounts, who have lost their partner around the same time as I did and they are crying every day still. I never did that, and to be honest, I feel content in my life. I am not ready ro start dating again, I talk about him like he is still here with me. One of my clients who I see twice a week didn't know for about 6 months what had happened for example. I feel guilty and proud that I am not destroyed by losing my husband, but, fuck, I wish he were here with me. Edited to add: Someone took this comment and made a tictoc out of it. I only saw it because my kids know my reddit user name and showed it to me. So thank you for that.


Throwawaycarstore

Grief is different in all people. Also there’s a lot of grieving you’d have done whilst he was still alive. Just work through your grief at your own pace in your own way. It’s totally ok.


sjp1980

Yep people often forget about the "grieving whilst alive" part of things. I certainly found that when a family member died after a long illness that I had been processing my grief for two years. Their death and funeral was still hard but my grief was just...different.


HamburgerRenatus

In addition to grieving while alive, if the survivor had to act as a caretaker for an extended period of time, the death also brings relief. A lot of survivors feel guilty about it, and it's not comfortable to say out loud to others that your loved one's death brought you relief. Especially when it's a spouse and that person's family can't relate because they didn't have the burden of being the primary caregiver. It doesn't mean you didn't love your spouse or you're glad they're gone. But, objectively, it's exhausting to care for another person like that under any circumstances, but especially when you're experiencing difficult, painful emotions at the same time. The death brings release from all of that and allows for a period of relative rest and quiet. It's totally logical but there is a lot of stigma around it.


spiegro

Yeah I can completely agree with you here. My grandfather passed this year, and I loved him very much. But he was very old and was on his last leg for too long. We were happy to have him move on, and I went through all my hard feelings well before he passed away so at the memorial I didn't cry once. That felt weird, but then we were all generally happy he could stop suffering. Thanks for helping me articulate my feelings, friend. I had some mixed feelings about his legacy before he passed, but I still loved him, so I was worried when I didn't cry at all that maybe I might have some deep resentment towards him (I do, but that doesn't negate my love for him).


[deleted]

This is it. You likely used those months while he was ill to move through the stages of grief a bit more quickly, even if it was still incredibly painful when he died. Hang in there, OP, however you heal is okay.


Queen_Omega

My mum died of cancer 3 years ago. She was dying for 3 months and in that time and after her death I discovered that I did a lot of my grieving while she was still alive and so after she died I was already past the worst of it. My siblings and my mum's family were all crying and heartbroken for months but my stepdad and I were fine. Everybody grieves differently. I still talk to my mum like she is here, I still still talk about her in present tense "my mum likes that song" etc. Your grieving process and feelings are completely normal for you. I'm sure your husband would be happy that you weren't completely destroyed by his death because he would want you to keep going with your life and be happy.


sbkerr29

There is no wrong way to grieve.


Naes422

I wish more people considered this before making judgments on others. “He isn’t sad enough.” What? You think they should be MORE sad? Fuck that.


matatatias

You don’t need to feel destroyed; any feeling is valid. You don’t need to dress in black to grieve. Enjoy this “lack” of sadness to celebrate how your life together was.


redditreader1972

You had 16 months to say goodbye to him and let him go. There's a world of difference from losing him overnight. Don't beat yourself up about it. Also, all of us process grief in different ways. You do you.


wfogle97

I have no will to live. I'm not suicidal (though I have been), I just have no desire to keep living. I see no value in living, and it makes me feel like something is wrong with me. I don't hate being alive, just that the infinite nothing that awaits me sounds so comforting.


difficult_tree

I don’t know you, but your comment could have been written by my brother. I know he feels like this, and I don’t know how to help him. So I’m just going to say to you what I wish I could say to him. I know this life feels incredibly heavy, and lonely and endless. I know you look at the stars and feel insignificant while others feel wonder and joy. I know you feel disappointment in this life. I wish you could understand my experience of you. You are everything and I don’t know how I could exist without you. You are the only part of our family that makes any sense to me. I would really like to spend as much time before the infinite nothing being in your presence.


KevinTheSeaPickle

Im happy your second sentence is written in the present tense. You should tell him.


gonfreeces1993

My little brother committed suicide at 21. Please, tell your brother this, tell him for me, who will never be able to say it to my little brother.


MsFloofNoofle

I didn’t expect to cry at 7:30 am. You should tell him this.


Glatog

It is so hard to explain to people that I'm not suicidal, I just don't want to exist. If I didn't have animals to take care of, I would probably find a way. I've realized I have very little purpose and I'm OK with it.


SecondOnlyToTheNeck

Did I write this? Because yeah, me too. I'm not horribly unhappy, but I'd be so fine with pressing a button or something and immediately ending my own existence. The only things keeping me here are my cats, dogs, and child, because they inherently need me every day, always. In a very weird way, I find a strange comfort in thinking that when my pets all pass away and my child is grown up, then maybe I will be free to find a way to leave.


Somechia

Hey hey, I struggle with this one every day. I am not suicidal but..... I always think, why do I have to do all these tasks today? I could just not, and kill myself. Then I am free. The only thing that gets me going are the small things of life. Even so, I still have a hard time figuring those out. I feel I am one foot of the plank of suicide everyday,


entropybydesign

This is me 100%. I don't really have friends in person, but I do have a close group of people I talk to on discord who I play games with, and when I interact with them that feeling goes away, but as soon as the lights go out and the pc turns off and im left to my own thoughts, it is the very first thing back on my mind. I just don't see the point in anything really. Just going through the motions.


Additional-Winner-45

I'm terrified that I will never escape poverty now that I'm in it.


Skinnee11

The pandemic completely reinforced my desire to be a recluse.


relentlessvisions

I was thinking “that I preferred the world during lockdown”.


SpankThuMonkey

The first covid lock down was the most I have enjoyed my adult life and it’ll never be that good again.


[deleted]

Same :( I was laid off and my husband was working from home. We had so much fun together. It honestly makes me want to cry thinking how good it was to spend so much time with my best friend. We love hiking and had sooo much time to do so. We got bikes. We learned to make bread. We’d go for drives all over just because and listen to music and chat. We redid our entire apartment just for fun. Now life is back to normal and with work and he’s in school we’re back to the hamster wheel. And we have an 8 month old so we’ll never have a duplicate of that time even if everything closed again. Some of our best memories were from covid. I want our bubble back again. We joke around that the world was on fire but we were thriving.


Prince_Alizadeh

My now wife and I had gotten married 4 months prior to the first lockdown. We thrived during that time. We spent so much time with each other doing stuff we enjoyed. We’ve been together since 2014 and lockdown was some of our best memories with each other.


LibertyEqualsLife

It was really nice. No traffic was awesome. It sucked that restaurants were takeout only, but take-out picnics at relatively empty local parks was a nice habit we started. Once we got past the "everybody buy all the toilet paper" fiasco, grocery shopping was less crowded and stressful. Like . . . Life was better when a significant portion of the population just went away. Looking for land in a more rural area to recreate the feeling.


Plug_5

Funny, my reply to this question was going to be that I totally miss the pandemic. I feel horrible because it was obviously an awful time, where people were dying. But my kids were in online school for a year and I was working from home. We got to eat lunch together every day, go on bike rides together, check in throughout the day, etc. I'll never get that time back with them, and I miss it so much it hurts.


FranzDerPalme

I am pretty sure, that I am suppressing many feelings, but I do not know how to let it out


Ill-Particular9360

You just start talking and telling stories, things that are on your mind, in a room with no judgement. At some point, somethings going to enter your mind that upsets you and you’ll want to avoid it. This is where you make a very deliberate choice to just keep talking about it.


RedWyvern5200

I'm in constant doubt that anyone I'm talking to actually cares and wants to listen to me. I'll be talking to my mother, and I'll have to apologise for just talking about myself. My mum is amazing, and I know she wants cares so it isn't her fault. But I just feel so guilty sharing my interests with anyone. It can make me difficult to talk to because I don't say much.


Jimbo_Sandcastle

If it can help you, what I found useful was finding places with people with similar interests (an association, some place for volunteering, a book club...) where I pushed myself to express my opinions out loud, even if it made me feel uncomfortable - focusing on the opinion itself rather than the reaction (or lack of) it caused. Sometimes someone would agree, sometimes disagree, sometimes nothing. But focusing on my own thought verbalized, slowly made me a little bit more comfortable in expressing myself out loud. And initially it was mostly related to that very specific environment, with people there for the same reason and that I wasn't seeing in my everyday life, so it was more impersonal: like saying a thing about the shifts, that new dog in the shelter or whatever. But once you start even in such a smaller way, it gets easier to express yourself to others, losing the need for getting a validation from them. If you start to lose that validation necessity, you'll realize that your ideas and interests are as valid as anyone else's and you can express your love and passion for a topic just cause you love it. Sometimes others will be interested, sometimes not. But it's fine because what matters is that you care about that thing. And once you feel more free in just expressing yourself (worrying less about others' interest, or approval, or validation), you'll be surprised at how much people enjoy listening to someone who's really passionate about a hobby. And maybe sometimes someone will smile and shake their head if you've been going on for 1 hour about crocheting, cause they're not **that** much into it themselves. But it's as natural as you getting a little bit bored about epistemology or whatever, it takes nothing away from your interest and their care. When you put yourself in the position to share with others your thoughts, and be interested in theirs as well - you'll soon see who deserves to hear about you passions. If they are rude or not interested in you, just let them go and pass on to some new and friendlier people. It's trial and error but there are actually nice people out there, give yourself and them a try :)


opossum-effigy

I get really upset when I see my dad acting all nice with a kid I was at a family reunion not too long ago. One of the relatives was a 3 yo. And my dad was so nice and patient as he played with him. It made my blood boil. He was being so nice to this kid he didn’t know. This cruel man who burned my hands and threw glass at me and left me in fear of my life and that of my younger siblings. I lived in fear each day, making sure his anger was on me so they would be spared. So he wouldn’t hurt them like he hurt me. And there he was, going out of his way to show affection to a child he never met before.


GanstaThuggin

I hate when they do that shit, are they nicer cuz they’re not their father? Fuck


SparkierSmiles

I know that my husband is sending dirty pictures to someone else. What's worse is he has never really been sexual towards me (claiming low sex drive). The part I can't admit in person or even to myself is that I think I need to end our marriage.


LaskyBun

I support! Do what you feel is right! It would be a deal breaker for me if my partner were to lose interest in me and lie to me about it


DrBeats777

That I was abused as a kid (age 10ish-16)(physical discipline that was very regular and went way, way to far, even to the point of breaking skin and bruised so badly my avg skin color was more purple than white) and that I have PTSD from it. I hate myself for being inadequate and unable to process/cope with what happened to me. And I want to hide it from everyone so they don't see how broken I am. I am currently in treatment for my PTSD, depression, and anxiety. I am seeing professional help. I also managed to find a loving and supportive wife that has been encouraging and patient with me and my difficulties.


Livywashere23

I’m jealous of my little sister. I have some very severe medical issues that have held me back on pretty much everything in life. I can’t work. Can’t drive. Can’t live on my own so I’m still stuck living at home with my parents. And growing up, I was sheltered a lot due to said issues. My sister is sixteen and is just absolutely thriving. She’s driving and will be starting her first job this summer. She’s starting to choose where she wants to go to collage. She’s studying to be a nurse. I love my sister. She’s my best friend and I’m so so proud of the young woman she’s becoming…..but dammit. I die a little inside every time she reaches a new milestone. She gets to do all these things that I never got the chance to do. She actually has a future ahead of her and I’m trapped because of my stupid medical condition! I feel like the worst sister ever for feeling this way. 😔


Remarkable-Ad-947

You’re actually a really good sister. You are experiencing natural feelings of jealousy but are self aware and not blaming her for it or behaving in a negative way towards her. Give yourself a break my love.


MeesterBeel

That’s a seriously valid way to put it. I’ve had a lotta trouble put to rest the day that I realized my thoughts aren’t who I am but how I REACT to them is the most important thing. Growing up catholic, the idea that a thought could be a sin was a concept hammered into me that I needed to very concertedly un-learn. Having thoughts you’re not aligned with is not damming, you don’t need to beat yourself up about thoughts you don’t agree with.


look

That insight is the cornerstone of modern psychotherapy. The reaction to the thought is the critical part that we can learn to control.


marchbaby87_

Are you perhaps her inspiration for wanting to be a nurse?💕 I bet your sister loves you!!


Livywashere23

Huh….you never thought of that. But that is a nice thought. And yes, she does love me. And I love her. She’s mr best friend.


alextz

I can't begin to imagine how that must feel. What I can say is that nobody would fault you for feeling that way, especially not your sister


throwwawayyreddittor

I pretend that I don’t care about being single, but I really do care. I am jealous of everyone being in relationships to the point it hurts because it makes me think there is something seriously wrong with me. Edit: wow this blew up! Thank you to everyone that has messaged me and replied to this thread. I truly appreciate all of you and I’ve been trying my best to reply! Edit 2: thank you for the awards :)


EndearinglyConfused

Jealousy is rough because it’s a feeling that can make you feel worse for feeling it. No one *wants* to feel jealous, and it’s easy to start hating on yourself for it. Even in the absolutely, most impossibly worse case and there actually is something wrong with you (there isn’t), that doesn’t mean it’s either permanent or as bad as it feels! It’s easier said than done, but the capacity to know your worth and to feel good about yourself makes finding what you want in a relationship so much easier. You’re rad and a delight


purple_mask

You can be in relationship with me if that helps


componentm

If we are passing out relationships can I also get one of those?


asianknight930

I feel you on this. It sometimes especially hurts reading on Reddit about all these shitty people who are in relationships and makes me question even more if there really is something wrong with me. There are perks to being single though and it’s better than being in a shitty relationship. (But yeah sometimes it feels like this is just a cover I tell myself. Hopefully if we both pretend enough, we’ll both end up being more comfortable with it!)


keitava

Man, it IS definitely better to be single than being in a shitty relationship. Everyone who's been there will tell you so. Surely, though, sometimes you only learn how good being single can be, after you've been through a rough patch during a relationship, there's that.


StitchedHeart19

I second this and cannot agree more. It's something you cannot fully understand unless you've been there, but it is truly more lonely in an abusive/unfair relationship than it is to be single


wantabe23

Shitty relationships will kill your heart and rot your insides.


InfuriatedBadger

Some of the worst people I know are in relationships. Has little to nothing to do with your character.


Toulamarr

I’m subscribed to a bunch of kids on YouTube (not totally random kids, they’re my cousins kids or relatives of my friends), they do cereal reviews or unbox kinder surprises or talk about Pokémon Go, kids pretending to be serious YouTubers. When I’m bored I like to comment on their videos. I get a lot of shoutouts for being a great fan.


frikadela01

I'm subscribed to my neices channels. They do fidget "hauls" (of ones they already own) and beauty tutorials (they're like 10). It's so cute. I mainly subscribe so I can tell their parents when they do something that might reveal their real names, addresses etc becasue my sisters are clueless.


vengefulspirit99

I think that last bit is pretty serious to just gloss over


MangaMaven

I think the implication is the video will be taken down I’ve the parents are notified. But yeah, I guess schools and parents aren’t really hammering in the fear of internet stranger danger.


remberly

Fwiw as a teacher my school's hammers the SHIT outta that but if a parent doesn't give a fuck, well, it just doesn't matter. They do that at home.


Dylzgq

I just started a minecraft lets play series on YT and I'm pretty certain 7 out of the 11 subscribers are my nephews and brothers. Still enjoy making vids though even if just for them


MzOpinion8d

I still fight the idea that I’m unworthy and undeserving of a good man. I want a man who loves me so much he’d protect me and not hurt me.


RoseGold_Stoner

I'm 32 days clean from fentanyl addiction and currently trying to quit meth. Edit to add... I'm actually a girl, but thank you everyone for your support and kind words! Fent is a bitch to kick but I'm not going back and losing my time for that stupid powder that almost killed me too many times. I struggle with pretty severe Borderline Personality Disorder as well, so the support means everything to me!


still267

The knock off 5 hour energy shots from 7/11 were my bridge from meth addiction to being completely clean. Give them a shot, way easier to taper off of than the real McCoy. Edit: grammar


Yawheyy

That’s very interesting. How did you find that to be something to help you? Glad to hear you found a solution.


zakpakt

Good job friend. I'm six years clean after struggling with many hard drugs. It gets easier. Don't beat yourself up and practice harm reduction. The all or nothing, black and white, defeatist attitude people will tell you is bullshit. Making mistakes does not negate the work you have already done to improve.


random_shitter

Controlling yourself with that level of urge and temptation requires mastery. No one became a master without tripping along the way, they became a master by picking themselves up and using the experience to *do better*.


MzOpinion8d

Keep trying. ❤️


SpookyMiranda

You cab do this my friend! You can do anything for 10 seconds 💖


ThinkIGotHacked

I like to draw a bath, with an umbrella, turn the shower on and the lights off with a headlamp and a good book.


the_emmisary

i am almost at a month of no self harm


Clewless_

I am in love with my best friend Edit: Thank you all so much for taking the time to comment and share your own stories on my own humble little comment. I will be going through them today when I get time. Hope everyone is well ❤️


umademehatethiscity

me too. he’s married to my other best friend. had to log into my burner account just to say this. the more I love him, the more I hate me. we were childhood friends who grew apart. if it weren’t for his wife, he and I wouldn’t be so close today. if it weren’t for him, his wife and I wouldn’t be so close today. if I weren’t straight, I think I would be in love with her too. sorry for telling you all this. I couldn’t tell someone irl if you paid me to. they can never, ever, ever know, because I wouldn’t trade the relationship I have with them now for anything.


Fantastic_Champion_1

I’m many years out of high school now, but when I was a sophomore she came in as a freshman. We were seated next to each other in a class we shared, and immediately hit it off. Soon after I told her I was into her, but she wasn’t looking for anything. We spent the rest of high school and another year or two always close, always flirty, always talking. I never once brought up my feelings to her again, but I loved her all those years. Obviously I’m beyond all this now, but sometimes I wonder what if, and it’s one of my biggest regrets. Say what you need to say to them, regardless of the outcome. I promise


rickfrompg

I totally agree. I had the same thing but never said anything. We were really close, flirty, always hanging out together. Ran into her years later and ended up having lunch. Told her how I felt back then turns out she felt the same and was always afraid to say anything too. We both were in LTR at this point so we just laughed it off and said oh well but I think we were hurt by it.


Usual_Ranger8164

That I am a 35 year old male virgin, who was only kissed once in his lifetime, at the age of 24.


jenjonesss

I had a customer in my shop last week. I work in a adult product store. He lost his virginity last week. He is 50. He came in last night to chat. He was going out that night with his lady again. So super sweet. You are never too old.


Grimdrop

This is fairly common. A dear friend of mine recently started dating and she’s ~ 40. I believe she’s up to kissing. I know you know this, just wanted to give support. I wish you all the love and happiness!


Livywashere23

This makes me feel so better about myself because I’m a 28 female virgin who’s never even been kissed.


Aromatic-Teach-4122

I badly need therapy bt don’t even know where to start. Edit: Guys, I’m just stunned at the amount of response and support this got. To clarify on a few common points across the responses, I have a good job and a healthy portfolio built, so money is not really a problem. What really is a problem is that, I’m from India and although certainly available, therapy is not really that commonplace here. Also, the reason i think i need therapy is because many times i feel life and our existence in general is pointless (especially when factored in the vastness of the universe) and anything i do/accomplish in life, is not gonna matter in the long run. I’m definitely not suicidal or anything like that so while heartwarming, those concerns are unfounded. I think i just need some assurance that my life means something. I’ll need quite some time to go through all the responses and will definitely look into the apps you have suggested. But allow me to express my deepest gratitude to be helped and concerned for like this. Thanks, strangers.


PM_ME_DOGGO_MEMES

Psychologytoday.com browse and contact. They make it easy to find a therapist


[deleted]

[удалено]


AMeatPopsicleIAm

I've been depressed for pretty much as long as I can remember, and I seriously considered suicide around 10 years ago, but I never actually went through with any attempt. So partly because of never actually attempting anything combined with some poor experiences opening up to people close to me around that time about being depressed and wishing I was dead, I feel like some kind of fake that wasn't and isn't "depressed enough", as dumb as I know that sounds.


showmetheskittles

I genuinely liked the movie Armageddon


Glen_Myers

Of all confessions this is the most brave.


KongStuffN

TIL there are people who DONT like the movie Armageddon


JoeyBigBoy

I don't care that my brother and I don't talk anymore. And the fact that I don't care makes me angry. I miss him because I love him. But, you skip like 9 Christmases in a row last minute, after we arranged things around your schedule. I know you have kids. And that's tough. But fuck off. It sucks to know we'll just never be a priority for you


Skootchy

After like 13 years of not talking to my brother because he was a piece of shit meth head. Complete narcissist and super materialistic. Could stand him so I cut him out. It took our mothers death to reconnect and apparently it was a real wake up call. Funeral was post-poned a year because of Covid. He got clean, became a peer coach to help others and makes a good living now. Got his number, called him on Christmas, and he said he was surprised I called. I told him the only thing that was ever holding our relationship back was him. It's been nice talking to him ever since... But I don't regret cutting him out. He's cool now though. I missed him.


raosmuli

I’m really not that nice of a person. I try to do the right thing but I don’t particularly care about peoples feelings and emotions. I play the game of life; smile when I need to smile, laugh when I need to laugh and go back to secretly hating everyone and everything.


ItsACaragor

Making the effort is what makes you a decent person. You don’t need to believe it 100%


raosmuli

Thank you for saying that. Sometimes I do feel bad for not being a better person but I do try.


ShineIll4609

I’m afraid to be vulnerable again. Every single person I’ve opened up to has used it against me. I’m afraid to show romantic interest in the one person I’ve been romantically interested in for a considerable time, because the last two times I’ve had romantic interest for anyone, they ruined my life. I crave intimacy with the people I care about, I crave a connection with people, but I’m afraid to establish one because I always get hurt. I’ve spent so, so long working on myself and trying to be a better person, trying to recognize the patterns, but I’m still afraid to take that step. I’m am in a room with two of my best friends, two people that I know would love me through anything, and I’m still afraid to be myself. I don’t know what to do. Im lonely. I feel so alone, because I can’t just TRUST anyone anymore. I just want love, and I feel like I can’t have it. I wear my heart on my sleeve. People take advantage of that, sometimes. It’s wearing down on me, and all of the progress I’ve made on myself feels like it’s been for nothing.


museofmusic23

I didn’t actually graduate in the winter like I told everyone I did. I’m still finishing up my credits. I had a bunch of mental and physical health problems within the past two years and I became extremely anxious and paranoid about my schoolwork, so I started just avoiding assignments all together. I’ve failed 4 classes after getting A’s and B’s my whole life. The only person who knows the truth is my dad. I feel the worst about lying to my boyfriend and I get the urge to tell him but I don’t know if I could handle that disappointed look in his eyes. I put up this façade of having everything together and I don’t want people to see me struggle and fail


Plenty-Tadpole-2279

I don't know what to do with my life after my baby died.


Retta_Noona

That I completely lied and continue to lie about the group of friends that never existed because I’ve only ever had two friends in my entire 18 years of life and they both fucked me over but I just didn’t want to seem like some loser with no friends and now I just have to randomly come up with shit on the spot when someone asks how one of these made up people are doing I literally went so far as to make like 8 Snapchat accounts so I could text and entire conversation from all sides to seem more legit


DJDarwin93

I’m worried about my best friend. He was dumped a few weeks ago, and yesterday he told me he’s depressed and feels trapped in his life. I live hundreds of miles away, so I can’t do much for him. I’m worried one day I’ll send him a message and he just never responds.


FusionCannon

my chances of committing suicide will drastically increase when my parents pass


[deleted]

got to say i’m in the same boat as you bro. the only reason i’m not dead right now is because i don’t want my parents to have to live with that


Phantasmai

(Obligatory "other than my husband" because he's the only irl human I'd trust to tell right now). I've recently had a falling out with the religion I was raised in. It both hurts and is relieving in many ways I won't take the space here for, just adding context. That religion (and the environment that I couldn't get out of) did nothing but subjugate me when it came to my looks and how I could dress, making me feel subhuman for 34 years. Through this I've come to realize I've always been a naturist at heart. After posting this, before baby boo wakes up for the day, I am going out into my shed and taking my first naked photo outside for Canada's Naked Gardening Day (Canadian version adopted a week later because of temp differences). I'm going to share it with my husband proudly. I'm going to call and reserve a campsite at a naturist retreat and make sure our camping gear is up to snuff. I'm going to go be around other perfectly imperfect humans who have flaws just like me, and I'm going to walk through nature and feel like my own body is beautiful too.


TheSteelWoman

I had a friend named Charlotte. She was rich, and most of her friends were. I was broke and struggling to find a job. Then she got engaged and asked me to be the maid of honor. I was skeptical because I had a very crappy experience with a bridezilla cousin, but I agreed because she was my friend. She was asking me to pay for 3,000 roses (which were about 1,000$) and give 500$ for a stupid luxury wedding dress. I gently reminded her (inside the fitting room) that I couldn't afford it. She started being bitchy and asked if I even cared about her, blabbering on and on about random bullshit. I got pissed off and told her that she was being ungrateful and that I was trying my best, but my financial struggles and keeping my house was more important than some fancy rich lady crap. Then I chucked my red wine at her dress to ruin it, I don't know why the shop served it.


Mor_Hjordis

I would admit this to everyone. Fuck Charlotte.


Positive-Source8205

Maybe I’m dense but … if she was rich, why was she asking you to pay for her wedding?


TheGoodDoctorGonzo

Probably because she’s conflating the $$ with the gestures of their friendship. If you and everyone around you is wealthy, then all your gestures of friendship can be expensive ones without causing struggle or consequence for anyone. Every “nice thing” you do or is done for you tends to be expensive, so it’s mostly never “about” the $$, that just sort of underpins everything and becomes status quo without ever thinking about it. In the context of her wedding, she expected these “normal” (already expensive) gestures to be superseded by major ones, completely oblivious to the fact that expecting her friend to spend $1,000 on roses would literally mean “give me all the money you have left in your bank and then miss your rent payment and don’t buy food or gas for 2 weeks.” People who grow up that wealthy literally do not understand that anyone could ever just “run out of $$.” She’s so out of touch that telling her “I don’t have the money” just doesn’t compute, and cannot possibly be the truth, so it must mean she just doesn’t want her wedding to be great. Even just thinking through the psychology of that kinda makes me angry. Ugh.


cultured_banana_slug

I went to UC Santa Cruz. Loooooooots of rich little shits pretending to be hippies. Loved it there but oh lord the rich brats. Money for them is like air. How can you not have air?


HellVollhart

Because a common thing between the poor and the rich is that both of them wanna avoid losing money as much as possible despite howmuchever money they may have.


Au_Uncirculated

Reminds me of this story of a bride who was having a wedding in Thailand and wanted every guest to buy their own tickets, hotels, and donate $2,500 to the wedding couple as a honeymoon gift. She then got pissed when only 10 people were confirmed to go a month before the wedding.


EldenRingworm

10 is still too much


nonexistentexe04

I’ve been asking my teacher for a hug everyday recently because I’ve felt like relapsing (stimulant addiction) and killing myself.


wfogle97

I was addicted to painkillers (Vicodin specifically), if you need to talk I'm here. I know how difficult it can be to kick an addiction, and I am willing to be your void to shout into. Only when this void talks back, it's actually helpful.


ColdJackfruit485

Teacher here. Please talk to them. If you’re comfortable enough asking them for a hug every day, please take that extra step to tell them what’s going on and how you’re feeling. If they’re comfortable enough with giving you a hug everyday, I promise that they will want to help you in whatever way they can.


SillyBlackSheep

I am on the fence on whether or not to move away from where I live, but the thought that I very likely can't even financially make that choice until I'm over 40 fucking scares me. Like, I pretty much hate where I live. The biggest thing I hate is the damn lack of basic resources. There's only one cop during weekdays between 7am and 10pm. There's no hospital within 2 hours, and those hours spend driving increases if you actually want a trustworthy hospital. There's not even a fucking grocery store within 30 minutes. The lack of resources has only gotten worse and worse within the past 5 years. The hope in bringing in new resources is a lost cause because if you don't suck off the mayor it isn't happening. I'm on the fence about moving away because I worry that the issues I face now will not be any better anywhere else. However, I also feel like in the next 5-10 years I really won't have a choice, because my area is going under and it is going under fast. The longer time moves on, the more every day life is a fucking struggle. With how (gesturing at everything) things are economically on a national scale, I am also absolutely terrified that I will be trapped and unable to get away when shit finally gives in my area.


boom_meringue

Sounds like you should move now, I would suspect you will find more opportunities if you move to a city or big town somewhere else. I've moved continents 3 times, it's disruptive and a bit scary but it's exciting. If you don't change something, nothing will change.


HorusEyePatch

Until recently all of the decisions in my life we based on what someone else wanted. Whether it be what college I wanted to go to or what profession to pursue. I’m happy that I realized it and am getting better at making decisions for me.


mushroom_sooop

i dont have anything keeping me going in life really. not exactly suicidal or anythin, just no dreams or ambitions, im just stickin around


Mrvonflig

One of my best friends from highschool shot himself 2 weeks ago... He sent me Facebook messages that I didn't open for nearly a month before he died and when I finally saw and responded he saw my message. But didn't respond and just a few days later he was gone. Its so fucking hard to think what difference it could have made had I been a better and more attentive friend.


Rainbow_Dash_RL

I'm not actually fine. I just say that. I'm miserable, perpetually angry, and consumed by existential dread near the point of accepting nihilism.


probablykelz

My dad said I wasn’t his kid. He is a fucking loser piece of shit that molested my sister. But It really hurt because he is my dad and I still love him and i fucking hate myself for still loving him.


TierNaNoggin

Hey bud I’m so sorry this man happened to you and your sister. Those complicated feelings are very common which just means it’s not your fault.


kmartfreak

I'm actually not happy all the time. I'm horribly, horribly depressed, and me pretending to be happy every day is just a facade...


AmBooth9

I miss my late husband terribly still but pretend that I am ok and have moved on from his death. It was so sudden and I never got to say goodbye, I don’t think I’ll ever “get over it”


BillyMcSaggyTits

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is tearing my life apart at the seams because the urges are nearly uncontrollable and waste literal hours of what little free-time I have daily but I can’t afford therapy or medication and my entire family thinks I’m a delusional whack job and disassociates from me because of it. Doesn’t help that no one takes it seriously and sees it as a “haha funni quirky!!!!” trait and I’ve never wanted to punch someone for that shit so bad before.


beanrush

I have been betrayed by my faith, my community, my friends, my workplace, and my family so horrifically and in so many ways that nobody believes one person could endure it all. I shared details with a counselor and a psychologist as they went from disbelief to being enraged. Here's one of the few dozen stories and I promise to go light. I saved a little special needs girl's life as she was being choked to death while lifted a few feet off of the ground and having her head smashed off a brick wall. It happened right outside my door. A few more seconds and she would have been gone. Her family was mad at me for saving her life and my workplace wanted tried to fire me. Nobody wanted her. Nobody else came to her aid. I ended up in the ER. Nobody cared. Sometimes, I wake up at night seeing her face with her eyes rolled back, her tongue out, his fingertips disappeared into her neck, and the rage in his eyes. I'd do it again.


BarryMcCockiner5

I seriously think I have Anti-Social Personality Disorder. I feel little to no emotion on a daily basis and have never really felt any real remorse in my life. I felt nothing when I lost close friends or family members. Don’t worry though, I understand that killing people is not really a good idea.


hlnhr

I'm a woman and I always sit down in public toilets. I don't squat, I find it impractical and it never empties 100% my bladder. I honestly don't care.


Nixx7070

Whenever I search something on YouTube and I see a little kids video I feel bad so I watch their video about 10 times and a comment really nice things


RilaReaper

I plan on cutting my mom out of my life after I fully move out


404MotiveNotFound

I may have a problem with connections; I'm not entirely sure. I suspect it as strongly as I do because of deaths - lost a grandparent, a pet, and "almost" lost a sibling (it was something that could've been serious but wasn't) - that I felt basically nothing about; the deaths only really affected me at all because I seem to be a highly sympathetic crier. When I thought of the real possibility that my sibling would've died I realized it'd pretty much be the same: I'd only be affected because people would cry about it, especially at the funeral which I'd be obligated to attend. I cared about fitting an image/personality, but not about the loss of the being in question. I know *logically* that my parents (at least) and siblings care about *me*, but I just don't "feel it" and can't manage to just force that feeling and I don't seem to really return the feeling at all: they're a convenience or inconvenience at different moments, but seemingly nothing more. The reason I'm only willing to admit this to total strangers on the Internet is that I don't really have that connection and don't ever feel comfortable or natural bringing it up with those I'm around (i.e. family), and I'm never asked about emotional stuff anymore, not since the later years of college.